Here to Make Friends: How to Make Friends as an Adult: Advice to Help You Expand Your Social Circle, Nurture Meaningful Relationships, and Build a Healthier, Happier Social Life

by Hope Kelaher

Skip the small talk and learn how to build a supportive community, engage with new people, and cultivate authentic, long-lasting friendships at every stage of life.

It sometimes seems like everyone has a big, happy, fulfilling social life, full of lifelong friendships...except you. As we grow older and school friendships fade, it can be difficult to meet new people and cultivate meaningful friendships. How do you strike up a conversation with a stranger? How do you move from mutual acquaintances to real friends?

Here to Make Friends has the answers to all of these questions and more. Written by a licensed therapist, this book is packed full of helpful advice and tips to overcome social anxiety and start building a stronger social circle, such as:

Tips for moving past small talk
Advice for getting out of your own head
Suggestions for fun and memorable “friend dates”
Strategies for connecting meaningfully with other people


Everyone wants to feel connected. Here to Make Friends is the perfect companion for moving past the sometimes-lonely post-school stage and into lasting, fulfilling friendships.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Friendship, Relationships, Social Science, Personal Growth, Personal Development

208 pages, Paperback

Published January 28, 2020

About the author

Hope Kelaher is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW).

Reviews

[Keisha Adams · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's a book about how to make friends and the first hundred or so pages focus on analyzing the friends you (are supposed to) already have. Not the most useful, even if I didn't read this during a lockdown.

People who just want to expand/improve upon their social circle can weigh in but for those like me starting from the ground up, give this book a pass.

[Tina Rae · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oof. Okay. So. Did not enjoy this one at all. This book was sent to me for free in exchange for an honest review and I honestly regret accepting it. I really struggled to get through this one, despite it being such a short, easy book.

Since moving to a new state, I have struggled to make friends. I typically meet people through work but then those friends have dissolved when we no longer work together. So I thought this book would give me pointers on where to meet people.

It did not. The first hundred pages were focused on maintaining and cataloging the friendships you already have (so not helpful) and even then this was mostly about how to reignite previous connections.

Plus at the very beginning of the book the author states that they do not believe online friendships are real friendships and friendships must have some sort of face-to-face component to be healthy. Which is a sentiment I do not agree with AT ALL.

Something I’ve learned about myself is that I actually value my online friendships more than the face to face. I’m not a very social person and typically hate leaving my house. And it’s so much easier for my personality type to make (and keep) friends online.

So. While I wouldn’t have been mad at some advice on where to meet people and how to talk to them (I just want one in person friend I can go to the bookstore with every once in a while; is that too much to ask???), this book just was not it.

And I get that this was written pre-pandemic and things have changed. But this book still felt strangely out of touch to the audience it’s meant for. There was one chapter on friend finding apps (that still said you have to meet in person to be “real friends”) and that was the only thing that felt relevant to my generation? So. Cool. I was just very much not a fan of this. I, sadly, didn't find it at all helpful.

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not very useful in a pandemic, and definitely not useful if you're anything other than absolutely neurotypical.

[Ola Wicher · Rating 2 out of 5]

3 czesci:
1) obniza ci poczucie wartosci
2) toxic
3) normalne ale niezbyt odkrywcze rady

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like this book is as useful as you make it. There are a lot of exercises in the book. While i didn’t understand the point of listing my elementary school friends with whom i know longer have contact, i was happy that there were many opportunities for self-reflection throughout the book. This isn’t just a book to sit down and read from cover to cover. There are sections that are more or less useful for each reader at various points in time. It’s a nice little volume to have on hand for those moments when it feels like nothing is working out in the friendship arena. It may seem like common sense when you’re reading it, but if you’re reading it, there’s probably something you can gain from it.

[Sheila · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started reading this book shortly before my city was ordered to shelter in place. So... it was a little weird to read about making friendships at a time when it's literally impossible to congregate in groups outside of essential shopping and whatnot. But I thought the book was thorough and practical. Would recommend.

[Jevgenij · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mostly useless, with a lot of filler content, but had a couple of interesting ideas (nothing groundbreaking, but something you might forget).

[Lisa Houlihan]

Just because the title suggests good subject matter and the cover has penguins, a book is not necessarily worth my time. The author posits that greek-letter organizations are a good starting point to make college friends; which is elitism (pay) on top of elitism (resident college). She does allow that general campus culture, not only alpha pay-pals, is a fertile place for friendship, which … of course? That’s why I sought out this book, not living near a campus. When she extolled Myers-Briggs I was done (but I will continue skimming and if she doesn’t suggest that the reader do an MB analysis I might return to this “review” and apologize).

I mean. Obviously my predilection toward eye-rolling is a major obstacle to being friendly. My own book would be shorter: “Cultivate tolerance. Be less prickly.”

…

Now she’s quantifying friendship as if she were the textbook at the beginning of “Dead Poets Society.” Which is my other problem*: the dated or otherwise obscure reference that makes my conversation hard to track. *More accurately, “another of my problems.”

…

She advises that you set parameters, which is good. One of mine is to avoid the cliché “take it to the next level” in purportedly edited prose. So I’m done.

[Aisha Clarke · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book was helpful for the most part. Except I didn't see how all the writing things down helps me. And she was suggested the I get in touch with my friends from high school, but they all live for away. I'm looking for someone I can get out and do something with here in Austin, Texas. I'm looking for someone I can go to Franklin's BBQ and stuff with. There's so much here in Austin I want to do, but no one to do them with.
She made some good points. Social media is the reason it hard to find friends. She's right. Everyone want to be at home playing Facebook games and lounge on there furniture and scroll through their phones. We have the internet, TVs, wiis, Ipods and all this technology that makes us lazy. And want to talk on Zoom or Face Time instead of actually go out. Their are also online meetups too, but not all of us want to stay home and talk on the phone. Some of us like to go out.
I moved to Austin in 2018 and the pandemic hit right after I got settled here and I work at a fast food restaurant and people come and go there. My idea is it have to do with that. I just joined bumble and I already got matches and talked to people on there.
She isn't really brilliant but I feel her book had helped me.

[JC · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not quite what I expected but I found this to be a good reflection on the friendships I have and how to strengthen or build out networks from them. I think this is most enjoyable if you think of it as a workbook or a jumping off point for your own reflections. It’s not really “deep” enough to be a step by step guide for anything, but I found the activities useful for thinking about all the connections I actually have and could nurture more. I understand the frustration by some readers because the title feels a little…not necessarily misleading but doesn’t hint at the nuance here. There isn’t a ton for people who are starting totally from scratch in a new place without connections. But, a lot of us aren’t in that position and could do well to reflect on the author’s recommendations.

I would say the writing style isn’t super engaging; there isn’t a ton to keep your attention in her writing style or antidote. Your enjoyment of this book will probably ride on how much it makes you think about your own life. But, it does what it sets out to do.

[Jessica Layman · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Read this for book club. Our discussions lined up with the reviews I'm seeing, which is always affirming. First, a few of the people in the book club are extroverts and so were surprised to see they already do a lot of the common-sense things that the author suggests. Which is great! I consider myself more introverted, so although some of it was common sense, it kind of affirmed what I should be doing and helped to see that it can be worth getting up the gumption to make things happen.

We also talked a lot about how the author recommends looking back to your early-life friendships and potentially even considering re-connecting with them. I thought it was an interesting choice for the author to make because not everyone is in a position to do that.

What we did like about the book was that it made us reflect on how we are with our friends - whether we're vulnerable or expecting too much or not expecting enough. As I wander through my own making friends journey, I hope this book can inspire some courage in me to reach out to others!

[Jeff Bobin · Rating 5 out of 5]

As we grow older it can seem harder to make new friends. As we enter adulthood we find that many other things demand our time and attention. Often we get caught up in routines with work and family that leave little time for building new friendships.

There is a lot of food for thought here on ways to be more intentional about connecting with new people, building relationships that can lead to deeper friendships. It includes suggestions on how to reach out and connect with others.

Sometimes we just need someone to outline for us the possibilities and give us the push to take the risk to reach out and find new people that we can develop a friendship with.

[Manny Rai · Rating 2 out of 5]

A friend and I were chatting about how it can be hard to make new friends as an adult, and I stumbled across this at the library that same week. The book mostly contains common sense info (attachment types, personality types, etc) that isn't particularly special or helpful. The book did contain some tactical activities that might be helpful for people feeling really isolated/without a social network, but there wasn't much here that was actually about making new friends and connections.

[Noor · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although this book is short, it took me a week to finish it. I read it all and still couldn't find the answer, which is the title of the book, how to make friends as an adult.
The author spoke ingeneral, like what does friendship means, how hard it is to make friends, especially these days, types of friendships, etc..
But there was no tip on how to make friends.
It's not a bad book, but i would suggest changing the name of the book. My opinion ofc.

[Claire · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not enjoy this book, or find anything about it helpful or insightful. It feels very juvenile to be advised to “rank your friendships;” did we re-instate MySpace? I read this out of curiosity rather than necessity, and would not recommend it for people who are feeling distressed or lonely. Making friends as an adult is challenging, but this book does not provide the assistance or help one may be seeking.

[Flo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good book on how to make friends. Author gives you exercises to help you figure out what kind of person you are, what kinds of friends you have and why you have them. Author offers various apps where you can find potential friends. It's a good way to find out what it is you may or may not be doing to make friends.

[Alona Perlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not bad

This book is somewhat inspiring . The one complaint is that it’s highly clinical. It did prompt me to take some action regarding making new friends. I appreciated the inclusion of friend-finding apps.

[Liz · Rating 3 out of 5]

You don't have to read this book all the way through and skip sections. There are a lot of good exercises and questions to think about. Also explains some psychology behind the why we want certain types of friends.

[RaeAnn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some advice is pretty common sense and some assumes you already have some friends which doesn't always apply, such as if you are new in an area. It is a good starting point to get a little of a lot of approaches or assess where things are at and make goals from there.

[Jayme · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers some concrete ways to make friends, become better friends with existing friends, and exercises to emphasize her points. Not sure what all of the negative reviews are about. Maybe 3.5 out of 5 stars but rounding up.

[Sandi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a book to give tips for making friends as an adult interesting

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

A basic review - but with some helpful exercises and theory to support it and with an understanding of how social media currently plays into this.

[Khan Ashraf Alif · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little draggin, missed 5 star by a ear-shot

[JW · Rating 3 out of 5]

The kind of refresher that introduces common sense as new knowledge but still makes you feel grateful for the review.

[V · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Emily Black · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful. Friendships are so very important. Things to think about to strengthen meaningful relationships.

[Deb Giffen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid advice, although at times a little trite or preachy. Contains a great overview of online resources and apps for finding new friends.

[Sara Goldenberg · Rating 1 out of 5]

Definitely fluffed up. I guess the common sense that's used for this is just not that common.