Motherhood So White: A Memoir of Race, Gender, and Parenting in America

by Nefertiti Austin, Allyson Johnson (Narrator)

In America, Mother = White

That's what Nefertiti, a single African American woman, discovered when she decided she wanted to adopt a Black baby boy out of the foster care system. Eager to finally join the motherhood ranks, Nefertiti was shocked when people started asking her why she wanted to adopt a "crack baby" or said that she would never be able to raise a Black son on her own. She realized that American society saw motherhood through a white lens, and that there would be no easy understanding or acceptance of the kind of family she hoped to build.

Motherhood So White is the story of Nefertiti's fight to create the family she always knew she was meant to have and the story of motherhood that all American families need now. In this unflinching account of her parenting journey, Nefertiti examines the history of adoption in the African American community, faces off against stereotypes of single, Black motherhood, and confronts the reality of raising children of color in racially charged, modern-day America.

Honest, vulnerable, and uplifting, Motherhood So White reveals what Nefertiti knew all along―that the only requirement for a successful family is one raised with love.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Parenting, Race, Feminism, Adoption, Audiobook

7 pages, Audiobook

First published September 24, 2019

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Giveaway win!

I devoured this book like it was a bag of mini Reese's Cups.

Nefertiti Austin took the age old advice that "If you can't find the book you want to read, write it yourself"

Nefertiti Austin was a single Black woman who had just adopted a sweet little black boy. Despite searching high and low she couldn't find a book written for or about black motherhood. And as far as books about adoption, it seemed as though only white people did that.

Nefertiti was further shocked to hear people ask her why she wanted to adopt a "crack baby". She realized that American society saw motherhood through a white lens and she set out to do her part to change that.

I don't have kids and I don't want any either but I have so much respect mothers especially black mothers, because my mom was THE GREATEST MOTHER WHO EVER LIVED!( I'm sure your mom's okay too!). And I too have noticed how black mothers are treated in our society. Black woman in the United States die in childbirth or in pregnancy related incidents at a rate of over 3x that of white woman. A black child's behavior isn't viewed in the same light as a white child. A white child who shouts out an answer in class is seen as eager and energetic. But a black child who does the same thing is seen as aggressive, a problem.

To butcher a Malcolm X quote "Black women are the most disrespected people in the world"

But beautiful and smart women like Nefertiti Austin are trying to change that.

READ THIS BOOK IMMEDIATELY!!

[LaToya Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a DIGITAL ADVANCE READER’S COPY of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I recently read a tweet that identified white privilege as everyone learning to empathize and cater to whiteness. Unfortunately, we live in a society that does just that; we teach people to empathize and cater to whiteness in fairytales (think Goldilocks), in religion (white Jesus), and even in parenting. As a mother of two, I have seen the lack of inclusivity in books on expecting, parenting, and living. In a realm that often discredits or neglects the stories of Blacks, let alone Black women, in walks Nefertiti Austin and Motherhood So White. The book enters as a memoir on Austin’s experience adopting as a single Black woman, and narrates the experience of parenting.

I was immediately drawn into Austin’s experience as she narrates it as a mother after the devastating death of Trayvon Martin. I, too, found myself rocked by the murder of this young man as I realized that he could have been my son. Beginning her story here was a perfect hook; it grabbed me with the familiarity of the story and it made me go back to the intersectionality among myself, Sabrina Fulton, and Nefertiti Austin; we are (Black) mothers of Black boys.

Austin narrates a tale sharing her longing for motherhood. She shares the celebrations and the critiques of her choice to become a mother. She examines her family dynamics and how they factored into her decision. Austin candidly shares the choices she has had to make to be intentional in raising a Black boy. Among her decisions are: who is family, who gets a say, what’s in a name, and when and how to explain adoption. Austin does what any mother has to do; she makes decisions to help her child thrive. While she includes social context, Austin shows that although parenting is always an affair of the heart, there are experiences unique to race. She frames the narrative so that it is not just diverse but inclusive. The book is a good read. It is both informational and relatable.

[Andre(Read-A-Lot) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that will be a useful resource for Black women considering adoption........ Wasn’t it Toni Morrison who said, “if you can’t find the book you want to read, it’s your responsibility to write it.” Well that is exactly what Nefertiti Austin has done. Wanting to be a mother, Nefertiti found scant resources and texts available centered around Black women adopting Black children.

So this book details her journey to motherhood through adoption and discovery that white women are normalized and universalized around motherhood. It is a bit of surprise that Nefertiti was so taken aback by this. It’s no secret that white people occupy the default position in this society, so for her to be surprised and shocked that this also extends to motherhood is disconcerting.

“Despite the long history of relationships between Black mammies, nannies, housekeepers, and caregivers for white children, our consistent erasure in parenting literature confirmed that mother in America would always be read as white.”

She details her journey here to adopting a black boy. She is to be commended for that and often writes in such a way that says, ‘I should be celebrated’, though I’m not sure if that’s intentional. In any event, there is now, by her hand a text that will help walk others through the adoption process, while providing support and answers to a myriad of questions.

“While Black adoption was common in my community, I was an outlier for wanting to adopt a child I did not know. I was also an outlier among whites for defying stereotypes around single, Black motherhood, but none of this was in writing.” Well now thanks to Nefertiti Austin there is something in writing and hopefully this will lead to others making the choice of adoption and providing a loving home to children, who are all deserving of such an opportunity. Thank you to Netgalley and Sourcebooks for an advanced DRC. Book drops Sept. 24, 2019

[MikaNici · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is rife with respectability politics. The writer makes sweeping (inaccurate) generalizations about Black people as a whole while asserting herself as the authoritative spokesperson for an entire people. Her tone and opinions throughout the book reveal that she has a very low opinion of black people and the black experience. She has absorbed the attitudes of white supremacy about the lives and worth of black people and accepted it as fact.... although she writes (and probably believes) that she is speaking in opposition of these ideals. I won’t judge the choices she made as a mother, as she is free to do so, however I will say that a great percentage of Black women would not have stripped these two kids of their black identifying names to replace with “acceptable” white passing ones. I hate that she presented that as if it’s a decision that must be made. Nefertiti Austin does not speak for me or many, many of the black people that I know. While I appreciate the contribution to the choice mom community and her sharing her experience as a single adoptive black mother, the writer and this book was largely insufferable. It’s unfortunate that her offering was so ruined by her declaring that she speaks for and represents all rather than just giving an account of her singular experience in this process.

[willaful · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although I was interested in the topic, I couldn't finish this book, because I was so disgusted by the author's smugness. Other women are just baby-making machines to her. She pats herself on the back numerous times for her "altruistic" adoption of a black child -- though she wasn't altruistic enough to accept a child with any kind of issues. The final straw for me was her decision to not let her son have any contact with his biological family, which includes many older siblings who clearly loved him.

I'm glad she wrote this book because it increases the chances he will find out about his siblings and they will have an idea of how to find him, though I feel terrible for the devastation he'll likely feel when he learns what he was deprived of.

Two stars just for the importance of the topic, though it strikes me as a slap in the face to any black mother who decided to have her child adopted or lost custody of her child.

[Victoria B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am very conflicted about this book. On the one hand, I appreciate her attempt to bridge the gap on the lack of mom books for Black families, especially those going through adoption. I think many of her thoughts are spot on (especially how too many people assume that adoptable Black children are "crack babies."), and I saw many similarities between the author's experiences and that which my siblings who adopted experienced - the difficulties within the legal process, the unexpected exhaustion of this tiny bundle of energy, the litany of unknowns.

On the other hand, I feel like the author is somewhat judgmental and stereotyping as she condemns others for being judgmental and stereotyping. She blames whites for the lack of representation in adoption literature: "...Black adoptive parents had to be responsible for documenting our own experiences; otherwise we wouldn't even exist in books and imaginations of white people." I get what she's saying, but if white people were to write what she proposes, they would be written through the lens of whiteness and privilege looking in on experiences that we can never fully understand, which would be a huge disservice. We would get it wrong, and there would be anger because we got it wrong. We can't speak for the Black community, nor should we.

As women, as mothers, we should all support each other on our journey. Being a mother is hard, no matter how it goes (adoption, IVF, surrogacy, natural, MOMs, etc). I fully recognize that for some parents, they will have many more difficulties than I will in raising our children, and I think that the author does an excellent job of making that clear as well.

This book is a thought-provoking, conversation starter for sure.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from Goodreads Giveaway in exchange for my honest review.

[Jenny (Reading Envy) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir of adoption and motherhood by Neferiti Austin also provides a much needed voice of black women adopting black children. She covers the process, dealing with birth families, dealing with new forms of mansplaining, and funny moments like teaching her son to pee standing up.

I think the idea that unifies her experience with other experiences I've heard from adoptive parents is the importance of the community that emerges, which isn't always the people you had in your life before adopting.

I had a copy of this book from the publisher through netgalley and it came out September 24, 2019.

[Sarah Cavar · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was so much to love and to hate about this book. I loved its approach to Black motherhood, I love its unique perspective on foster kids/ the "crack baby" myth, the meaning of "family," and the face of adoptive parenthood. Generally not a fan of mommy memoirs, this was fresh and exciting, well-written, too.

And yet.

The gender-essentialism, especially toward the end, was unbearable. This is especially true given Austin's defiant approach to single-parenting a boy, which I really rooted for in the first ~2/3! She somehow claims (truthfully) that she is not deficient as a single mom, but later (falsely) that there exist traits inherent to daughters and sons that make them differently-desirable, and that gender-preference in birth and adoption is something that should be approached uncritically!

I was also really, really disappointed with the approach to class, drugs, and disability here. From the framing of her son's birth mother ("insane") to the desperate reassurance that her son was normal, that is, not neurodivergent, despite his mother's struggles, was painful to read. It seemed like she was making the case for the adoption of "problem children", but only because they may be turned "normal" by the Right kind of parent. Ditto when the daughter came into her life –– I couldn't help but roll my eyes when she spoke gratefully that, in fact, the girl wasn't developmentally delayed, but simply undersocialized! A world in which "normal" kids are a celebration will always be one in which disabled kids are "tragedies." I fear her children will grow up internalizing these attitudes, including about their poor, disabled birth mom, too.

I also think the picture of adoption this painted was a bit rosy, not in the sense that it was "easy" but rather in the sense that it was, apart from unaccepting AP family members, morally uncomplicated. I've been reading more about what adoptees and former foster kids have to say about this system and the issues I outlined above, and I have to say, Austin's pitches for the value of adoption suggest that she hasn't been in conversation with a lot of the most outspoken adoptee activists.

So, I'm very mixed here. Very. Take what you will, and I think, regardless, this book is worth a very-critical read.

[Leila Lester · Rating 1 out of 5]

I always have trouble rating memoirs. It is someone's truth so you can't necessarily disagree with it, but I will say Austin comes off as contradictory and disparaging of anyone who doesn't fit within her construct. She is very classist and allows misogynistic men around her son simply because they are Black. As a background point, I think it is important to include who I am as a reviewer, so I am the Black mother of a Black son. I am married, my son is our biological child, and he is our one and only child. I was raised in an Afro-centric household in Detroit.

So back to the review.

A little annoying but not terrible- Austin seems a little disparaging towards only children. I find it interesting considering she asks not to be judged, yet judges others. She laments the many children in foster care to justify adopting a second child, but she also stopped at two. She also is disproving of families with more children, especially when she views them as gaming the foster care system or not being able to provide a loving home like she can. It feels like she has decided two adopted child is the ideal to strive towards and anything else is various levels of less than.

Pretty bad- her characterizations of her interactions with her children's biological siblings felt really icky. She changes the children's names and I have some issues with her justifications for the changes. Her classist ideas lead her to completely cut her son off from his older biologicalIsiblings. I almost stopped listening at that point, but I was almost done and figured I see the book through, although I did not like it.

Complicated- as a Black women, her view of Blackness is interesting. She talks about private school, codeswitching, dressing "appropriately" being necessary and is basically very bougie and uppity. She keeps Black people at arms length and fits them into her life when they are the "right" kind of Black person. She indicates that others have created communities with people of color (foster mom group and T-ball), but holds those communities at arms length. She doesn't seem to connect that her own attitude and looking down on people might breed some of her feelings of isolation. I think her point of view is common in the Black community and highly problematic. I struggle with the idea that non-Black people will read and lift this book up and it is dangerous as a single narrative. I respect that she wrote the book that she wished she had and filled a void, but I also feel like just because her book fulfills a need, doesn't mean it does it well.


I also find it interesting how her prejudices intersect. She claims to be a feminist, but is ok with misogynistic men around her son because they are Black, yet doesn't allow her son to be around his older (Black) siblings because she views their behavior negatively (she doesn't say they are poor, but implies low social class/standing). So Black men of a certain social class are given a pass even when their beliefs contradict her own. She looks down on the biological parent of her own child, while drawing distinctions from her own parents who were both drug addicts who essentially gave their child up as she and her brother were raised by their grandparents. She basically says that they were raised right and strayed from the path her grandparents put them both on, which she doesn't explicitly say, but implies makes them different (and better than) the biological parents of her son. She talks about all the children in foster care that need homes (and implies she is saving them), yet only wants a baby that has not had time to "develop bad habits" and has a negative attitude towards the foster parents of her son's biological older siblings, who it appears took on 1) more foster children 2) older foster children and 3) siblings pairs, when she is not willing to do any of those things herself (including when her son's sisters are trying to be kept together). I think she should take on the children she feels she can care for, but you can't say out one side of your mouth that all these kids need homes and imply you are saving Black boys, while conveniently neglecting that your carefully curated profile of your ideal child might include a few characteristics of more difficult to place children (aka Black boys), but stills filters out many who may be arguably even more challenging to place.

I understand where she is coming from (misogyny in the Black community for example and struggling with who your child are around), but I wish she would have at least dug deeper into these contradicts or her thoughts, but instead she just kind of glosses over it.

[Stacie C · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember what it was like being pregnant with my son, flipping through the pages of What To Expect When You’re Expecting and preparing my house for a newborn. I was overwhelmed and excited. Motherhood hadn’t been a dream of mine, but with my husband I wanted an addition to my family. I didn’t gravitate towards books about motherhood having helped raise my two nephews and being around younger children throughout my life. It’s now after being a mother for eleven years, after knowing what it’s like to raise a Black child that I’ve gravitated towards stories of other Black mothers. This is a memoir outside of my realm. I don’t know what it’s like to adopt a child and what that experience entails. But the more Austin wrote about raising her Black son, who is only a year older than my own child, I felt a kinship. Nothing about being a mother is easy and raising a Black child adds a certain amount of stress that you wouldn’t understand unless you talked to their parents.

I learned so much while reading this book and I am so glad that Austin was willing and able to put in to words her experience with adopting a child as a single Black woman. It’s an experience I don’t see in the mainstream anywhere. Austin, within the pages of this memoir, discusses her upbringing and how for various reasons her grandparents stepped in and unofficially adopted her and her younger brother. She expresses the loss she felt not having her parents in the home and the struggle to connect to her mother. She discusses the moment that she wanted to do adopt a child. And one of the most important things that she discusses is the reaction by her community to adopt a child not of her own family relation or kin. We don’t discuss enough how the political language used to describe Black mothers as “welfare queens” and their children as “crack babies” still lingers and affects the way people view adopting Black children, which results in so many Black children being left in foster care. It’s been years since I’ve watched “Losing Isaiah” and though I appreciate the performance of Halle Berry, Samuel L. Jackson and Jessica Lange, I’ll never be able to watch it again. It promotes too many negative stereotypes about Black women and uplifts white saviorism in a way that I can’t and won’t tolerate. Austin does her best to dispel those myths and discuss what it was really like to adopt. These notions have got to be dismantled if we want these children to have good homes. Learning from Austin how to navigate this system and successfully foster/adopt Black children will help so many people in similar situations.

The honest truth is that motherhood has centered white women for far too long and it’s beyond time for that to change. Books like this will force that change to happen. We live in a time when Black women are lifting their voices and telling their stories. Austin’s addition to those voices helps promote further change. It’s important to read outside of your experience and the experiences only being promoted in the mainstream. I’ll happily recommend this book. Austin is a great writer who in these pages was able to express succinctly her life and journey to motherhood. I give this book 5 out of 5 stars.

Thank you Netgalley for this book in exchange for an honest review

[Amanda Hupe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a white mother of two white boys. I am trying my best to educate them about race and gender. I want them to be a part of the healing of this country. In order to do that, I need to educate myself. Motherhood So White by Nefertiti Austin is a memoir that tackles race, gender, and parenting in America. Nefertiti goes through her upbringing and how she was raised by her grandparents because her own parents were young parents and were often gone. When Nefertiti realizes that she is ready to be a mother, she is single and wanting to adopt a child of her own. She discusses the adoption process but how the system is catered to white parents. When she adopts her son, she is desperate for information to only find there is no information for a single black woman raising a black boy. The world is terrifying for mothers, but we will never know the fear that black mothers experience. The parenting world has no diversity, leaving black mothers behind.

“Racism as veiled compliments for Black folks was nothing new. Society could not imagine us as disciplined, hard working committed to perfecting our craft. Rather, strong Black women must be super Negroes with mythical powers who white people could safely cheer for because they were rare enough to be unthreatening. The inhumanity of this gaze is the problem and exactly the point I hoped to make with this book. Motherhood is so white and in need of a revolution.”

MOTHERHOOD SO WHITE
Wow. This is a beautiful memoir. It is touching, informative, educational, and inspirational. She provides a voice for black mothers, especially mothers adopting black babies. As a mother myself, community is so important. I am a part of a local mom’s group. However, the majority of the moms in the group are white. They are a wonderful group but there are experiences that we couldn’t understand as white women. We need to help this world become more inclusive to ALL mothers. To be more inclusive, we need more representation in every aspect in motherhood, like parenting books. But it goes so much further than that. We live in a society filled with systemic racism. Black women are more likely to die in childbirth. Black boys have a target on their back from birth. Black mothers in the adoption process are seen as “welfare queens”–the only reason why they are fostering or adopting is for the money. Black babies up for adoption being called “crack babies.” Nefertiti Austin really shines a light on a broken system that is meant for white women. I rate this book 5 out of 5 stars.

[Kristen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I absolutely hated this book. The author has such a huge chip on her shoulder. Instead of focusing on the universal experience of motherhood and the adoption process, the entire book was a racist rant. No thanks.

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5

I was initially drawn to this under the premise that it focused more on the racial gap in adoptive parents, but this is mostly the author’s personal experience adopting. It was promising in the beginning, but by the halfway mark it’s blatantly obvious that the author’s childhood gave her a pretty intense bias against black people, constantly leaning on generalizations and crowning herself better than black single mothers known as“welfare queens” (which, clearly, she believes the two to be synonymous).

I don’t think adoption is inherently bad or wrong, I have my own thoughts on transracial adoption (being adjacent to that in my own life), but I do think this author’s view from the starting point fed into my thoughts on the process being vaguely dystopian with this quote alone- “‘I want a little Black boy, aged six months or less, at least half African American, without alcoholism, crystal meth, or schizophrenia in his direct lineage.’ I had already imagined my son, and when I completed the match paperwork, those were the boxes I checked.”

That was what set the scene that this probably wasn’t going to be a hit for me. But when she takes August (name changed from “Kemarye” so he can “have it easier”) to meet his bio siblings for the first time, I was truly struck by how completely tone deaf the author came off- “August got to meet his biological siblings, but I got the best present: information. Though I was still trying to figure out who August would know as family, the first step would be to notify our social worker that August’s adoption would be closed, with no more contact with his biological family. Before laying eyes on August, I had been willing to accept that biological connections were more powerful than those created through adoption… After I met August, however, I could no longer feign ease in linking hands with those whose lifestyle and values were so different from mine. It wasn’t August’s siblings’ fault that their zip codes denoted drugs, food deserts, storefront churches, gangs, or jail. While there were hard-working families in those neighborhoods, the lure of the streets proved irresistible for too many children and young adults. My family had already witnessed my parents fall through that rabbit hole, and there was no reason to intentionally put August in the crosshairs of a storm he might drown in.”
(Sorry for the ginormous quote!)

To write off his bio siblings after one! meeting! simply because “one unsupervised weekend could change the course of his life” shows the harsh judgment she holds in her heart. I could give more examples but the obvious bias she holds, and holds over those “less fortunate” than her in her opinion is a constant throughout the entire book. As soon as it got to the epilogue and I realized there was still more to go, I noped out. Big yikes.

[Jennice · Rating 5 out of 5]

So I hear about this book via a new-to-me podcast,Woke Mommy Chatter. What peaked my interest was that Miss Austin was an adoptive parent of two Black children, a boy and a girl and had experienced " Black adoption" in herownupbringing. I am also a product of adoption,though I was legally adopted into my own biological family.

I loved the perspective that Miss Austin had on being single, Black, and adopting. I remember my adoption story very well and my mother loves to discuss our journey a lot. She never explained to me how her race and gender played a role in my adoption but this memoir inspired me to ask her about it.
I enjoyed hearing how the lack of Black representation in parenting books coaxed Miss Austin to start discussing it openly and honestly with others via public speaking and blogging.

I'm more grateful to my mother for altering her life in such a big way to make sure my brothers and I were safe and happy. Miss Austin's experience is real and relatable to me in a big way and I appreciate her candor as well.

[Mandi Grasmeyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Laughed, cried, and learned so much from this book. So very grateful people like Nefertiti choose to share their stories! See full review at: http://mandigrasmeyer.com/book-review...

[Ana Scoular · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book paints an incredibly accurate picture of the adoption process and fills an important literary space - adoption by single, Black mothers. My praise ends there.

The author was shockingly disdainful of her children’s birth mother. Even though she wanted to fight against her bias about children in the foster care system, she completely leaned into the stereotypes with regards to the birth mother. I felt like she wrote this for white readers every time she played into irrational thoughts about the outcomes she believes children in the foster care system can have.

Her reasoning about paying for private school to avoid the school to prison pipeline is incredibly problematic. Asking her contributors about the mythical crack baby is so offensive. She needed contributors because she didn’t have any more substantive material for this book.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m glad Austin is adding to the literature created by Black moms.

I’m incredibly sad that she seems totally clueless as to the issues raised in adoption - how dismissing the child’s biological family will be read by the child as being dismissive of them; how a foster child is by no means “yours” until the adoption is finalized, though she talks about “her son” and introduces herself as “mommy” on day one; how changing his name on day one is also incredibly dismissive; and so many other cringe-y fallacies and misunderstandings she spews about foster care and adoption.

I’m hoping she learns more about these issues by the end of the book, but I couldn’t stand to stick around long enough to find out.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was not written for me, but I was able to learn and grow from reading it anyway. When I was younger I wanted to adopt and now I don't think that is ever going to be a reality for me, but sometimes I still dream. So it is nice to read about a woman who did more than just dream, and it was especially nice to have the interview of other adoptive mothers included at the end of the book, to get some additional perspectives on the process.

[Tamyka · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed her contribution to the motherhood literature. I appreciated her openness and what she shared about her own mother and how she herself became a mother. An important perspective that is not available in most mainstream literature.

[Fabulous Book Fiend · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir was truly eye opening and brutally honest. Full review to come...

[Cierra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it

This book was SO informative and eye-opening. As a probable future black mother in America, I am so thankful this resource now exists for my future reference.

[Julia971 · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title says it all, a well needed testimony a very wellcome perspective.

We get to dive into Nefertiti's family history, we follow her as she discovers the world of motherhood through adoption, we also get her thoughts on race and the proactive approach one can have when raising black kids. Thanks.

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fills in a glaring gap in motherhood lit. Most parenting books are focused on cishet white women, far less are focused on adoption, and almost none are focused on Black women adopting Black babies, especially if they're male. Austin navigates a world in which her family seem baffled by her choice to adopt, male coworkers mansplain masculinity to her and seem doubtful she can raise a son in a way they approve of, she has to deal with her son's birth family, and she helps forge a community for her son. She has a lot of stereotypes about Black babies in the system lobbed at her, even her own family is critical about both the baby she will be adopting and the baby's birth mother. This memoir is enlightening, uplifting, and features more than Austin's necessary voice, she includes several interviews with other Black women who have adopted Black babies.

[Rachael Button · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mixed feelings on this one. Loved learning about the author's journey, her decision to mother as a single parent, and really appreciated her perspective as a Black mother. I also really appreciated her thoughts about race and racism--that was 100% worthwhile.

I think, for me, this was a slow and a hard read that I almost put down several times because of the way the author wrote about her son's birth mothers and other birth mothers. I wish she'd more empathetically explored the experiences of birth mothers and/or interrogated the role of race and racism in the foster system. It might be too much to ask from one book but to me, as a reader, I felt like Austin flattened out the experience of birth mothers in a way not dissimilar to how others might flatten out the experience of adoptive parents.

[Alyssa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am changing my rating to 2 stars bc this book was actually trash? It’s been 8 months since I finished & I realized that this book is garbage

[Jade · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read quite a few parenting books when I was pregnant with my first child back in 2013, but quickly found that most of them followed a strict pattern, centering the middle class white American woman. I ended up resorting to searching for more relatable (to me) motherhood blogs, and also writing my own stories, because I couldn’t see myself in a lot of the content I was reading, and/or it made me feel as if I were failing motherhood in some way. I can’t even imagine how much harder it must have been for Nefertiti Austin when she started her motherhood journey a few years before I started mine. I can however imagine the constant frustration she must have felt in trying to find information that would be helpful to her own situation and coming up blank, even though you know full well that motherhood experiences exist in all shapes and forms.

I’m so happy that Nefertiti Austin wrote her own story, for herself, and for all of us. First of all because motherhood is a unique path that has many intersections, and too many of them are erased (especially stories of Black motherhood). Secondly because we rarely read about Black women and adoption in the US (or elsewhere for that matter), and it is important for everyone to be able to find information that they identify with, but it is also important to be able to read information that helps us all to be better humans (and parents) in general. How can I learn to be a better parent if I only read stories that I relate to? In order to grow, and to help our children grow, we must be willing to learn about all types of experiences.

Motherhood So White is beautifully written, and balances Nefertiti’s personal experiences growing up, and her journey as a single black woman through the Californian foster care system in order to adopt a little boy, with the stark realities of what it is like to navigate systems that are dominated by white supremacy. I love how honest she is about her journey into motherhood, how she juggles so many hats, and how she uses her own experience as a way to help others on their own journeys. I learnt so much from this book, especially about the importance of creating your own village, both for parent and child, and hope that it makes it onto all of the top 10 lists this year. These are the parenting stories that should be highlighted, the ones that we shouldn’t have to search for, the ones that are so much more true to life and reality than the ones that are too readily available.

Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for the advance copy, and thanks to Nefertiti Austin for her beautiful, and necessary, memoir.

[Tamara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't know what to expect with this book. I saw it in one of my Facebook groups so I decide to read it. Some of the reviews that I have read for this book seem a little unfair but everyone is entitled to their opinion. Here is mine......

This book is a about a single African American woman, Nefertit Austin who is over the age of 36 and decides to adopt a child. In the book she discusses how she came to this decision and why she felt it was the right thing for her. She also talks about why she decide to adopt a child in America as oppose to looking to an outside country like some people chose to do. She also using the term "black adoption", something I have never hear of until reading this book yet it is a concept I know very well since it happens all the time. The author talks about the decision to keep her son away from his biological siblings, regardless of the future fight with him that she know is coming. She talks about her decision to adopt a second child, who happens to be her son's biological sister. She discusses the importance of having her "village", her family and friends who helped her and supported her decision. Granted, she was adopting with or without their support but it was nice to have people to call for advice and support.

The book is also about the obstacles she faced when she was trying to research other women like her (who have adopted a child). She was looking for books by women of color and she couldn't find too many. When she did find some, the narrative wasn't positive. Where Caucasian women were praised for doing it on their own, etc., African American women were seen as looking for benefits and free money, etc.

I think it is great that the author decide to write a book about her experience. She didn't find many books about single African American women who decide to adopt so she wrote a book about her experience to give a reference/guide to those that do.

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Advanced Reading Copies of Motherhood So White by Nefertiti Austin were provided to my library book club by the Book Club Cookbook through their Galley Match. Along with receiving copies of the book for all our regular book club members we also had a Skype visit with the author!

Austin's experience as a single black woman adopting an African American boy inspired her to write her memoir. She discovered a dearth of books that spoke to her personal situation, as if motherhood and adoption were white-only experiences. Austin addresses issues of systemic racism and stereotypes, the demands of California's adoption system, and the work and joy of raising a child as a single parent.

The book club has immensely enjoyed talking to the authors of our book selections, both because the writers become 'real' and so we can ask questions. We learned that Austin's editor said her first draft was too impersonal, her second draft too revealing! That makes three drafts on the road to publication! Also that she changed names to protect people's privacy.

Overall, our readers felt the book was educational and thought-provoking and thought Austin was delightful. Several readers 'loved' the book, one did not care for it. Several people also gained insight into the African American worldview and experience that was new to them.

[Laura Sackton]

This is a fantastic memoir about black motherhood, about being a black adoptive mother, and about all the ways that the way our society equates motherhood with whiteness, and how deeply that harms parents, kids, and families. It's a good blend of personal narrative--Austin is candid and open about her whole experience with adoption--and broader social commentary, both about the way black single and adoptive mothers are perceived and treated, and about the lack of books, resources, and media about/for/created by black mothers.

[Allison Gost · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really appreciated reading about a motherhood journey that was so different from mine. Helped me see things in different perspectives. And appreciate the beauty and variety of ways motherhood exists in this world. If you’re a mom (or to be mom) looking for a wonderfully written personal story of motherhood, this is for you. Whether you have any experience with adoption or black motherhood or not. This is a great read to remember we all come to motherhood through our own way, but there are some universal truths, and also ways we can make it better for everyone.