Fatigue

by Jennifer Acker

An inspiring true story about the twists of fate that challenge a couple’s expectations of love, marriage, and reliance.

Jennifer Acker and her husband had been married for eleven years when she was blindsided by a mysterious and undiagnosed incapacitation. Accustomed to their independent routines, they will have to reform both their lives to accommodate the enervating illness. As Jennifer’s sense of self falls away, however, the couple is struck again. Her husband’s “frozen shoulder” all but locks one side of his upper body, leaving him in excruciating pain, partially immobilized, and as dependent on Jennifer as she is on him. But their needs are not in competition. In communion and reciprocal caregiving, they learn to love—and to explore—each other anew.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Short Stories, Health, Biography Memoir, Ebooks, Biography

44 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 8, 2019

About the author

Jennifer Acker is founder and editor in chief of The Common. Her short stories, essays, translations, and reviews have appeared in the Washington Post, Literary Hub, n+1, Guernica, The Yale Review, and Ploughshares, among other places. Acker has an MFA from the Bennington Writing Seminars and teaches writing and editing at Amherst College, where she directs the Literary Publishing Internship and organizes LitFest. She lives in western Massachusetts with her husband. The Limits of the World is her debut novel.

Reviews

[Tzipora · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect for sick folks of all kinds, regardless of specific diagnosis. Jennifer Ackerman writes so beautifully of the experiences of being sick, which especially having been stuck in the hospital having to endlessly try to find out my feelings and experiences to words, is an incredible and rare gift. I found myself highlighting so much in this book and I think other folks, newly diagnosed or battling chronic illness for years will especially gain a lot from this. Hard for me to say how much and what those blessed enough to be healthy and to have never sojourned for an extended period in the land of the sick would say, since that isn’t the place or space I’m in personally.

I want to recommend this one to several people I know who are in relationships where they or their partner has health issues but it’s also fantastic for those like me who have wondered if and how anyone could love them sick because in reading this we get to see both sides- being sick and loving and loving someone sick. It’s really beautiful and so special. While this was a free read for those with Kindle Unlimited as an Amazon Original, I think I might pay the $1.99 so I can keep a copy because I enjoyed it so much. I am not usually one to reread books but could absolutely see myself rereading this one for all of Acker’s spot on and relatable words about the illness experience. And if that wasn’t high praise enough, as anyone who may have caught my Sontag reference can probably tell, I read and have read a lot of illness memoirs. This one really stands out for me for all those beautiful, relatable lines I highlighted and the unique and special look at her and her husband’s relationship and the ways it grew and changed as got better through both of their illnesses. I feel like illness is so often such an isolating and lonely experience so to write about illness from the perspective of a relationship is not only different but important and useful, and ultimately gives a certain type of hope to so many of us.


And a couple of favorite quotes (plus a few of my own thoughts on them)-

“Convalescence is learning to become kin not only with uncertainty but also with boredom, the frustration of non-doing.”
(Especially relatable as this hospital stay draws itself out ever longer!)

“We woke, remembered our disabilities, and went back to sleep.”
(If anything sums up the utter emptiness that the sickest days can bring, oof its this line and maybe it seems simple but it hit me especially hard because this has been far too much of my life experience.)

“Certainty exists for no one, but suffering from an unknown or little-understood illness is a contingent state in which the future is especially vexed. When is the future? Tomorrow? Three months? Three years? What will the future look like? Paradoxically, foolishly, I hoped it would look like the past. We would know we had progressed when we returned to the selves we once were.”
(Just... yeeeees!)

“Being love-full was one way in which I was more than my frail body and mind. In which we were both more than our separate everyday selves. And for his own sake he needed to help me. To prove to himself he could adapt and change and learn to take care of me, even if it was terrifying and unfamiliar.”
(Think I’ll end with this one, though there’s endless others and I think I just love this author’s overall way with words as well. But this is exactly the thing I most hope to gain one day myself. Someone to love and share my admittedly difficult life with because at the end of the day, that is how each of becomes more than and transcends our own bodies and lives, through the act of loving and being loved and releasing love out into the universe.)

[Rodica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this little gem through prime reading. I knew nothing about the author before downloading it and only briefly glanced at the synopsis. I thought I could it give it a try, since it’s short and it’s free. I am glad I did. It was such a beautiful, satisfying, albeit very short, read!

The author is telling the story of her illness and how it transformed her life and marriage. What makes it so compelling is her self-awareness and her extremely pleasant and intelligent manner of writing. No self pitying as far as I could tell, just compassion and kindness toward herself and the people surrounding her. It takes time to reach such a point, to learn to accept your own mortality and enjoy every little ray of sun you are given. A lot of people succumb to anger and negativity when they get seriously ill.

[Marie S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good book, fascinating

The author drew me in to her own story. She never packaged this as a poor me, poor us type of situation. She just laid it out. We learned how difficult it is to deal with doctors who haven’t a clue how to help a condition. We learned we have to be our own advocate when it comes to our health.
Ultimately, this story is really a love story, one from which we could all learn. Certainly not “smarmy” in any way, just grown up, matter of fact, adulting maturely. Figuring it out together and getting on with it.
I really enjoyed reading this fast read. I read it in just an evening!

[Veronica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rating: 2-2.5 stars

This is a fine book if you're looking for a quick read and happen to have Amazon Prime. It reads more like an extended blog post than a novella because it's pretty surface-level. It's an interesting story with potential, but it just never really clicked for me. It was hard to connect on an emotional level, and because it didn't really address any of the issues in depth, it wasn't as compelling as it could have been.

[Jill · Rating 2 out of 5]

Though this is a compelling story, this too short novella did not capture the emotions and/or magnitude of the severe medical trauma this couple experienced. Definitely needed more...

[Keri Franklin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Chronic Fatigue

This is a short read that probably affects the the number of stars I gave. I have a family member with very similar issues. So, I will share it with her. When a person has a chronic illness of any kind, you need help. She and her husband both had an illness and they were able to connect and support each other. That’s a gem. I enjoyed the short read.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very quick mini auto bio about the author’s sudden and inexplicable chronic illness and her search for a diagnosis. Because I suffer from chronic pain, I certainly understood everything she was going through. I would have appreciated a longer story with more details, but still very good.

[Marilyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very cute story

I loved the way the author described her illness and the challenges that she had to face with her husband with their illnesses. From this story, we can learn that love is about sacrifice and the well-being of you partner. We can learn that love grow in difficult times, and we must put our effort to embrace it.
I did not put four stars because even though it was a very cute story, it was very plain and it didn’t move me the way that I was hoping.

[Kathleen H. Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is just okay.

Left wondering about the issues which weren't discussed in enough detail, I felt. I understand the renewed love but the book didn't seem to show enough details as to how they worked together to help each other. Maybe that is the point when there is no known cures.

[João Pedro Locatelli Cezar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Delightfully unsettling

The book brings an accurate point of view of an ill person with a life-altering condition. The needs, the thinking and the drama feel genuine. Also the perfect writing gives the reader a pleasant voyage trough the efforts lived by the author.

[Cari]

I *wish I could give this 5 stars and ask everyone I know to read it! It’s painful I don’t feel that way.

I think the ability to really describe the life changing illness of M.E./CFS & it’s impact on your life, (in a way that will deeply resonate with people - especially non patients) is obviously difficult & I felt this book just really struggled to connect.

But hey, it’s 36pgs total & free on Amazon. If you want to learn a little more about how some people live, you can still check it out.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting!

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another great short story

[Noni Vaidyanuvatti · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️ such a sweet short telling of how a couple found their way back to one another

[Eileen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a prime book and I did not know that it was an autobiography of the author’s life with a debilitating disease. And, further into the story, her husband gets diagnosed with a frozen shoulder and in a great deal of pain.two educated, bright individuals having been struck within a short time of each other and trying to figure out how to cope with their new lives and their illnesses. Fast reading as it is a short book . Felt very sorry for them but love conquers all and in spite of their pain and suffering their love for each other won out.

[Abiola · Rating 1 out of 5]

More of a long blog post than a book. I went in hoping to learn more about chronic pain and the ways I can support the folks in my life. Instead I left being reminded how even unforeseen Illnesses aren’t an equalizing force. The amount of privilege the author has and the lack of acknowledgment is jaw-dropping difficult to read. The book follows our author’s challenges getting a proper diagnosis for her condition as she visits several specialist around her small town in western Massachusetts. Difficulties arise as her husband also falls ill to his own mysterious illness. There are some gems here about stillness and learning to slow down from our rapid lives. Yet it’s not enough to make up for the lack of depth throughout or the resources that most wouldn’t have in a similar situation. Wouldn’t recommend

[evastone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fatique

Love loved this reading. Growing together is magical. So hard to depend on someone. Always feeling indebted. Only to find next you are the giver and all is well

[Neus Agüera Valls · Rating 5 out of 5]

Estar leyendo este libro en Lisboa mientras un brote está haciendo de las suyas, no me puedo sentir más identificada... La fatiga (a la que algunos le llaman pereza) es la peor sensaciones y nunca pensé experimentarla siendo tan "joven"

[Kana Wu]

The book is about the author’s journey on weathering her illness called Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronis Fatigue Syndrome, or it’s known by its acronym ME/CFS. In her book, she described that ME/CFS is a disease that causes both mental and physical fatigue, gastrointestinal and immune problems, sleep disruption, widespread muscle and joint pain, dizziness, and susceptibility to secondary disorders (p.4)

While she is facing slow recovery, six months later, her husband begins to feel a spike of pain on his left arm, and then on his right arm. His doctor said he develops frozen shoulders in both arms that usually occur to older women with diabetes or some kind of injury.

She can’t function alone and needs constant tending; now, they both need help. Switching from an independent life to a new life of interdependence isn’t easy since ‘they didn’t know how to depend on each other’ (p.8).

However, their illnesses have drawn them together into a strong, loving, and grateful relationship. At the end of the book, the author said, ‘The path of dependence is not always smooth or easy. But it is our path, and together we clear the meddlesome weeds and keep the ground as level as we can’. (p.34)

It’s a touching and heartwarming story. No self-pity in the story but sharing about the difficulties that she and her husband have encountered. Something that we, the readers, could learn from them.

[sarah panic · Rating 5 out of 5]

exceptional

I have not identified more with a book in ages. As someone who was originally diagnosed with fibromyalgia and then CFS and finally Lyme disease, I felt seen in so many of the lines in this book.

[Dominique · Rating 1 out of 5]

Heartwarming story on how illness brought a couple closer together, though it would have been better as a blog post.

[M · Rating 3 out of 5]

This reads like a nonfiction article in a women’s magazine

This short piece should have been classified as health-related nonfiction or autobiography. This longish but well-written article is about the author’s journey to find a diagnosis and treatment for her debilitating symptoms—which is ME/CFS.

Unlike most people with ME/CFS, the author has a “peripheral connection” to a renowned medical expert and a former FDA director, whom she emails about her condition. He connects her with an “eminent infectious-disease researcher at Stanford,” who suggests blood tests via phone, and then recommended a specialist in New York.

I was surprised that a woman with her education and affluence put off seeing the NYC specialist. I found it difficult to accept her excuses, because although extremely fatigued and brain-fogged, I aggressively sought out specialists for a year and was diagnosed in 2014. I would’ve found some way to get from Massachusetts to NYC to consult a highly recommended specialist ASAP. I’m glad she finally trekked to New York and found a physician who could help her.

[Suzy Blazak · Rating 4 out of 5]

You can feel the pain!

This book brought me to tears as I was was once in her space with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia in the days when the Doctors thought you were making it up. I remember driving my daughter to pre school, 8-10 minutes away and wondering how i would get back . The sitting on the couch , each breath a strain to breathe. Oh how i wish i had a partnership as these two characters came together as a team and just accepted what they had to do for each other. Then my shoulder froze and is still frozen and i go into surgery soon for the other frozen shoulder wondering how i will get thru this on my own. I cried at the pain and exhaustion and the no answers to make it better.
She is an amazing writer who put it out on the table - both informative and hopeful in it’s own way. A must read for anyone who has had these illnesses or knows someone who does. Thank you for writing this book!

[Dee Castro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick & Informative Read

I gave this short novella 4 stars because I felt like a little more on the conditions that both the author and her husband faces could have been discussed. I felt that the author did a good job detailing the trials and tribulations that her marriage went through when they were both faced with unexpected conditions; conditions that until now, I did not know existed. My heart goes out to those who are experiencing a rare, or less known condition because as someone who suffered for more than 15 years with GI issues and was constantly told that nothing was wrong, or that it was in my head, to advocate for themselves for years to finally get a proper diagnosis, I know how hard it is to feel like you’re just speaking to the wind and to feel helpless when there’s a flareup.

[James Bennefield · Rating 4 out of 5]

A poetic story about the nature of interdependence and struggle

I found Acker’s use of descriptive imagery to lend a profound beauty to the pages, as well as her intimate description of the relationship with her husband. There is an openness and fragility that comes with frank discussion of one’s marriage; let alone debilitating illness. In that lies a bravery that lends credence to a truly personal story. While at times, her personal choice of sentence structure seems mildly forced on the reader; I would chalk that up to a difference in regional or cultural vernacular that lay very much on me personally as much as the author. Overall, a touching story of personal triumph, acceptance, and change.

[Geri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Haunted by hoarding

A little girl growing up with a hoarder father explains in raw detail how her life was affected then and how that behavior continued to haunt her adult life. We hear about hoarders, but rarely about how the behavior affects children growing up in their homes. This book was a fascinating read that made me feel the helplessness of first a child, and then a young woman who only wanted her family to live a normal life. The constant war of love for her family and hate for how the hoarding made her life miserable kept me wondering if or when there would be a “last straw” severing the relationship forever. It’s a great read that will, hopefully, encourage those who might judge to pursue further investigation into the mental health aspect of hoarding.

[🌶 peppersocks 🧦 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reflections and lessons learned:
Tackling the difficulties of changing health in a shared life is something that happens to almost everyone in terms of ageing, but what happens if it’s out of the unexpected timeline. Joking about it being the ‘Summer of Me’ resonates with a personal similar family joke but trying to find the positives by looking up at clouds (aka, wider picture) and continue with certain elements of living and life regardless of limitations. The reassurance of finding things to enjoy together in programmes, books and music for a literal shared narrative for instance - a wonderful short story about something that should be acknowledged more

[Kayleigh Ackerman · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of reviews of Fatigue have lowered the rating to reflect the length of the book. I have not done this. No, the book didn't explore the full depth or amount of emotions and experiences that you go through living with a chronic illness, but it did an exceptional job for the length of the book. For a short autobiography, we get a great insight into the experiences of the author, a lot of which I could really relate to from my own life with chronic illness. I wanted to highlight every line. There are also some brilliant little quotes and tit-bits of advice and things that she learnt along the way. It is beautifully written and a pleasure to read.

[Lori Flores · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fatigue

All the symptoms she describes were hardly new to me . I have had rheumatoid arthritis for over 30 years and my body goes from 60 to 0 in a matter of seconds. It is hard for people to understand the frustrations of living with chronic pain and fatigue. You go to be and wake refreshed. No so with this disease. The short story describes what it’s like for a disabled couple to come together and help each other. Bringing them from estranged to a real couple working together in sync.

[Erika Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

When one is hit with an unexpected illness of any kind, everything about your life and those closest to you changes. This story is about those changes, the frustration, the adjustments in routine, the fear and the successes. Learning to depend on, and then support, others through your own pain is not easy and the author describes it beautifully. After experiencing my own sudden illness, I found the author easily relatable and incredibly inspiring. A tiny peek into the daily struggles and successes of this couple will leave you feeling hopeful and motivated toward positivity.