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Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: Living as Christian Brothers and Sisters in a Sex-Crazed World
It Doesn’t Have to Be This Weird
When it comes to relationships between men and women, we have more questions than answers:
How do we keep relationships with the opposite sex healthy—and still hug each other after small group? Is it possible for married men and women to be friends with people of the opposite sex? What does it mean to be a woman if you’re not a wife, or a man if you’re not a husband?Jesus’ pattern for church living was one of family—of brothers and sisters living in intimate, life-giving community with each other. With story, sensitivity, and hope, Beyond Awkward Side Hugs invites us to leave behind eroticized, fear-based patterns and move toward gendered, generous relationships between men and women of character as we love one another as Jesus did.
“Beyond Awkward Side Hugs is a deep well of biblical wisdom, and Lea has written with nuance and clarity, humor and grace.”
—Jen Pollock Michel, author of Surprised by Paradox and Keeping Place
“The church desperately needs a bigger vision for how men and women can flourish together in ministry and friendship, and Bronwyn Lea paints a vivid picture for how we’ll get there.”
—Steve Wiens, author of Shining Like the Sun, Beginnings, and Whole
224 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 7, 2020
15 people are currently reading
790 people want to read
About the author
Bronwyn Lea
1 book33 followersBronwyn Lea is a writer, bible teacher, lawyer and ice-cream addict with twenty years of pastoral ministry experience. She heads up Propel Sophia, the Christian living wisdom resource for Propel Women, and is on the pastoral staff of her local church. Bronwyn is mom to three school-aged kids, who keep her somewhere between hilarious laughter and desperate prayer on any given day. She and her fellow South African husband live in Northern California, where they count the men and women in their church as not just friends, but family.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
February 1, 2022
Did I just screenshot a whole chapter from Bronwyn Lea’s Beyond Awkward Side Hugs (with permission) and share it with a friend? Yes, I did. My husband and I have mentored a few engaged couples and our usual go-to recommended reading is Tim Keller’s Meaning of Marriage, but I think chapter 5 of Bronwyn’s book will be added to our must-read list with its deep, thorough, and practical exploration of what the marriage relationship is (with what I’m pretty sure is a first-ever analogy of marriage being like a pair of socks) and isn’t (“you complete me”).
But Bronwyn’s book isn’t just about marriage. In contrast to the fear-based and rule-heavy “Christian side hug” culture, Bronwyn explores what it means to be male and female and part of the church—to be brothers and sisters in Christ, not seeing each other as potential sexual tempters. She astutely points out that the conservative Christian and secular world have conflicting scripts of what male-female relationships should look like, but share the same assumption: “that when men and women interact, the plot of the story must inevitably move toward sex.” Starting from a solidly orthodox Christian worldview and specific biblical texts, Bronwyn provides not another list of impossible rules to follow but (if I may steal her words) “a scriptural steel framework, deeply anchored in the solid foundations of grace,” for true, real friendships and relationships between Christian men and women, as part of the larger family of God.
Besides having an impressive educational resume (law school AND seminary?!), Bronwyn is widely read and it shows. I felt like I was drinking in the best parts of the rich bibliography in her notes in the back, sprinkled generously with her own wisdom, insight, personal stories, and humor. And the notes in the back had some fun moments, as well—but I won’t spoil them for you, even if Bronwyn herself apologizes for spoiling the plot line of a movie that is well into middle age.
Bronwyn’s love of language—precisely used and twinkling with occasional wordplay gems—makes this book a delight to read. I’m extremely proud to be a personal friend to a woman who can write with such clarity without losing nuance and provide such depth of theology and wisdom while remaining accessible. I’m highly recommending this book on its own merits, though, not just because she’s my friend! I’ll admit that this first pass was my “read as fast as possible because I’m so excited to have it in my hands”-reading, but I’m excited to dig into it again to savor each word and idea and let it shape my relationships with my husband and my other male and female friends.
But Bronwyn’s book isn’t just about marriage. In contrast to the fear-based and rule-heavy “Christian side hug” culture, Bronwyn explores what it means to be male and female and part of the church—to be brothers and sisters in Christ, not seeing each other as potential sexual tempters. She astutely points out that the conservative Christian and secular world have conflicting scripts of what male-female relationships should look like, but share the same assumption: “that when men and women interact, the plot of the story must inevitably move toward sex.” Starting from a solidly orthodox Christian worldview and specific biblical texts, Bronwyn provides not another list of impossible rules to follow but (if I may steal her words) “a scriptural steel framework, deeply anchored in the solid foundations of grace,” for true, real friendships and relationships between Christian men and women, as part of the larger family of God.
Besides having an impressive educational resume (law school AND seminary?!), Bronwyn is widely read and it shows. I felt like I was drinking in the best parts of the rich bibliography in her notes in the back, sprinkled generously with her own wisdom, insight, personal stories, and humor. And the notes in the back had some fun moments, as well—but I won’t spoil them for you, even if Bronwyn herself apologizes for spoiling the plot line of a movie that is well into middle age.
Bronwyn’s love of language—precisely used and twinkling with occasional wordplay gems—makes this book a delight to read. I’m extremely proud to be a personal friend to a woman who can write with such clarity without losing nuance and provide such depth of theology and wisdom while remaining accessible. I’m highly recommending this book on its own merits, though, not just because she’s my friend! I’ll admit that this first pass was my “read as fast as possible because I’m so excited to have it in my hands”-reading, but I’m excited to dig into it again to savor each word and idea and let it shape my relationships with my husband and my other male and female friends.
May 1, 2020
I am so excited to have had the opportunity to read Bronwyn Lea’s new book Beyond Awkward Side Hugs to ensure that as Christians we should be able to openly and honestly discuss sexuality in any type of relationships whether in a marriage or single. Through looking at relationships as a family of brothers and sisters living in this community and intimately challenging our thought process and how we can make it not awkward and still following Jesus’ teachings and using the Bible as a foundation.
Lea wrote clearly and with practicality using examples and stories and highlighting important topics and issues. The chapters are short and very well organized. I found that it did not preach, but pragmatic and very light hearted and very enjoyable to read.
I highly recommend this book and will be sharing with my family and friends.
Lea wrote clearly and with practicality using examples and stories and highlighting important topics and issues. The chapters are short and very well organized. I found that it did not preach, but pragmatic and very light hearted and very enjoyable to read.
I highly recommend this book and will be sharing with my family and friends.
March 27, 2020
The question of how to "manage" relationships between men and women within a Christian context is an evergreen topic of interest. There are a variety of views and approaches regarding the proper way for men and women to relate to one another, ranging from keeping separate (for example, the "Billy Graham Rule") to having fairly free interactions as long as there is love and consent.
Bronwyn Lea's latest book delves into this topic and provides a helpful, well-written perspective based on the overarching concept of sibling relationships in Christ. Bronwyn begins by insightfully identifying why the relationship between men and women can be so fraught in Christian contexts. The complex element of sexuality and modern cultural forces 0ften render simplistic legalistic approaches to abstinence and chastity unsatisfactory and even frustrating. Bronwyn quickly gets past the limited usefulness of "rules" (a staple of purity culture thought) and moves into the realm of first principles and a more fully-formed concept of familial relationships.
In part I Lea begins with a helpful overview of common relationship struggles and why this topic is so important for the church today. She then develops a theological lens based on the concept of familial bonds in Christ. This master metaphor is the base from which she then enters into helpful discussions of the various relationships we encounter in community. Lea's theological base helps her avoid the common pitfalls of a shallow, legalistic approach to sexuality as seen in well-known approaches like purity culture.
In part II Lea moves from the general concept of filial, sibling love into the specific relationships we encounter in Christian community. Lea applies biblical principles and ideas in readable, approachable discussions on the relationship between husbands and wives. She then transitions into timely questions such as whether men and women can have healthy platonic relationships (spoiler, yes.). Lea then shares helpful perspectives and practical wisdom on healthy platonic relationships, dating relationships, and even how to deal with the end of dating relationships in a redeeming manner.
Lea's book closes with an essential discussion of chastity and how sexuality is to be embraced as God's good gift by how we steward this precious gift depending on the nature of our different male-female relationships. By seeking to build a mature understanding of first principles based in biblical and theological ideas, Lea seeks to help readers do more than maintain boundaries based on simplistic rules.
Lea's book is based in a conservative approach to Scripture and her understanding of the male-female binary reflects a traditional biblical understanding of gender and sexuality. Though conservative in her sexual ethics, Lea's work speaks in relevant ways to this present moment and offers Christian men and women a fuller, more robust understanding of relationships within the family of God. As such, she values a community where we can move beyond awkward side hugs and into a fulfilling love for one another as women and men bound by familial bonds that define how we relate regardless of marital status or season of life.
Bronwyn Lea's latest book delves into this topic and provides a helpful, well-written perspective based on the overarching concept of sibling relationships in Christ. Bronwyn begins by insightfully identifying why the relationship between men and women can be so fraught in Christian contexts. The complex element of sexuality and modern cultural forces 0ften render simplistic legalistic approaches to abstinence and chastity unsatisfactory and even frustrating. Bronwyn quickly gets past the limited usefulness of "rules" (a staple of purity culture thought) and moves into the realm of first principles and a more fully-formed concept of familial relationships.
In part I Lea begins with a helpful overview of common relationship struggles and why this topic is so important for the church today. She then develops a theological lens based on the concept of familial bonds in Christ. This master metaphor is the base from which she then enters into helpful discussions of the various relationships we encounter in community. Lea's theological base helps her avoid the common pitfalls of a shallow, legalistic approach to sexuality as seen in well-known approaches like purity culture.
In part II Lea moves from the general concept of filial, sibling love into the specific relationships we encounter in Christian community. Lea applies biblical principles and ideas in readable, approachable discussions on the relationship between husbands and wives. She then transitions into timely questions such as whether men and women can have healthy platonic relationships (spoiler, yes.). Lea then shares helpful perspectives and practical wisdom on healthy platonic relationships, dating relationships, and even how to deal with the end of dating relationships in a redeeming manner.
Lea's book closes with an essential discussion of chastity and how sexuality is to be embraced as God's good gift by how we steward this precious gift depending on the nature of our different male-female relationships. By seeking to build a mature understanding of first principles based in biblical and theological ideas, Lea seeks to help readers do more than maintain boundaries based on simplistic rules.
Lea's book is based in a conservative approach to Scripture and her understanding of the male-female binary reflects a traditional biblical understanding of gender and sexuality. Though conservative in her sexual ethics, Lea's work speaks in relevant ways to this present moment and offers Christian men and women a fuller, more robust understanding of relationships within the family of God. As such, she values a community where we can move beyond awkward side hugs and into a fulfilling love for one another as women and men bound by familial bonds that define how we relate regardless of marital status or season of life.
January 3, 2021
First of all, I did not agree with everything in this book. Specifically theologically. I am also not blanket recommending it, especially to younger readers.
HOWEVER, this book was one of the most paradigm-shifting books I have ever read. It has significantly impacted my thinking for the better.
I appreciated the LOGIC of this book, as well as how the author addressed issues head on with Scripture, not avoiding passages that might seem to contradict her point. The logic was especially refreshing since this topic was/is such an emotionally confusing one.
Before I even finished the book, I bought copies for several friends and spammed my other friends with quotes and paragraphs of my personal thoughts.
This is a message the church desperately needs and I wish many more people would read and talk about this.
As a young single Christian woman scared of Male-female relationships, this was so freeing and encouraging and helped me reconcile a whole new experience of family love within the Body of Christ.
HOWEVER, this book was one of the most paradigm-shifting books I have ever read. It has significantly impacted my thinking for the better.
I appreciated the LOGIC of this book, as well as how the author addressed issues head on with Scripture, not avoiding passages that might seem to contradict her point. The logic was especially refreshing since this topic was/is such an emotionally confusing one.
Before I even finished the book, I bought copies for several friends and spammed my other friends with quotes and paragraphs of my personal thoughts.
This is a message the church desperately needs and I wish many more people would read and talk about this.
As a young single Christian woman scared of Male-female relationships, this was so freeing and encouraging and helped me reconcile a whole new experience of family love within the Body of Christ.
July 15, 2023
Our world is over-sexualized. Bronwyn Lea does a great job of exploring how we as Christians can live in a sexual world as male and female beings.
Takeaways:
- Create a sense of family over friendship.
- Erotic, genital sexuality is not our full sexual experience.
- Sexuality — our maleness and femaleness — lies at the very heart of what it is to be human (20).
- The Billy Graham rule and Evangelical modesty culture may be honorable intentions, but they are usually damaging systems that fail to accomplish healthy relationships, both sexual and familial.
- Male-Female friendship (or kinship) should be a normal, healthy experience for all people in the body of Christ.
Lea writes for the average reader with stories and explanation. Casual readers can enjoy easily and higher capacity readers can skim to obtain the true nuggets of insight. I personally found myself predicting and skipping a lot of the material, but understand how many readers will find it engaging and helpful.
Plenty of insights to probe and encourage thought in the area of sexuality and relationship both romantic and general.
Takeaways:
- Create a sense of family over friendship.
- Erotic, genital sexuality is not our full sexual experience.
- Sexuality — our maleness and femaleness — lies at the very heart of what it is to be human (20).
- The Billy Graham rule and Evangelical modesty culture may be honorable intentions, but they are usually damaging systems that fail to accomplish healthy relationships, both sexual and familial.
- Male-Female friendship (or kinship) should be a normal, healthy experience for all people in the body of Christ.
Lea writes for the average reader with stories and explanation. Casual readers can enjoy easily and higher capacity readers can skim to obtain the true nuggets of insight. I personally found myself predicting and skipping a lot of the material, but understand how many readers will find it engaging and helpful.
Plenty of insights to probe and encourage thought in the area of sexuality and relationship both romantic and general.
March 31, 2020
Author Bronwyn Lea does a masterful job splicing out the sometimes peculiar ways Christians understand and talk about sex and sexuality. Lea clears up confusion about what the bible does and does not say, offers helpful paradigms for how to talk about these issues, and encourages readers to have a more holistic understanding of sex and sexuality. Though male-female relationships are often awkward in church settings, they don't have to be. Thanks to Bronwyn's offering, perhaps we could begin to shift our conversations and behaviors to a healthier norm.
November 24, 2019
An entertaining and insightful book that casts a wonderfully wide vision for relationship within the family of God. Witty, accessible, and obviously well-researched, Bronwyn Lea handles a tricky topic with wisdom and nuance. Highly recommend!
April 22, 2020
I have always been a tomboy - I love sports and action movies and anything that involves getting dirty. My best friends throughout life have always been guys - Mike Sargent in elementary school. Sean Collins in college. Brett Wise now. Not that I don’t LOVE my women friends (i do have those, too!), but when I want to go to a baseball game or host a poker night, it’s generally my guy friends that show up. I always joke that God knew what he was doing when he gave me 3 sons!
But as a woman in the church world, things have often gotten a little weird for me. I’ve been a youth group leader, a worship director, I’ve served on countless church boards, and hosted multiple bible studies. And often times, my connection with male staff or male students creates some sort of block. For example - one church asked me to only pray for my female students and to find a male leader when a boy asked me for prayer. I’m literally a mother of three boys so I knew and love many teen boys at this point! I’m not supposed to offer them support without it getting weird? And when I led worship, I was not allowed to be alone with my other lead musician who was a man. Which always made ME feel guilty.
I don’t want my kids to grow up with the same narrative. Just as I grew up a tomboy, my sons don’t fit the macho male narrative. They are all tender, well read, and passionate. They feel deeply, love music, and some of their closest friends are girls! So when @tlcbooktours reached out to offer me an opportunity to read this book, Beyond Awkward Side Hugs, I knew it was something I would enjoy.
Bronwyn Lea’s book dives right in and asks the tough question. How do we keep relationships with the opposite sex healthy? It doesn’t have to be weird! Jesus doesn’t was us to live a fear-based life but a whole one filled with deep connections, no matter the other persons wiring. He hung out with the woman at the well! He didn’t shame the woman who bathed his feet in oil. He welcomed them.
Lea’s writing reminds me a bit of @sarahbessey in Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible's View of Women. She is insightful, humorous , and honest. Lea's background in both law and seminary provides a balance & refreshing view on this hot topic. And like Bessey, Lea isn't afraid to press in and ask the hard questions - why is this the church’s reaction? How we can change the narrative? Is this really all Jesus wants for us? She goes on to talk about how this plays out in dating, work life, friendships, and marriage. I will definitely be using this as a resource for further discussions with my sons as well as the bible studies we host at home.
Thank you @tlcbooktours and @thomasnelson for #gifting having me on this tour and sending me a physical copy of this book!
But as a woman in the church world, things have often gotten a little weird for me. I’ve been a youth group leader, a worship director, I’ve served on countless church boards, and hosted multiple bible studies. And often times, my connection with male staff or male students creates some sort of block. For example - one church asked me to only pray for my female students and to find a male leader when a boy asked me for prayer. I’m literally a mother of three boys so I knew and love many teen boys at this point! I’m not supposed to offer them support without it getting weird? And when I led worship, I was not allowed to be alone with my other lead musician who was a man. Which always made ME feel guilty.
I don’t want my kids to grow up with the same narrative. Just as I grew up a tomboy, my sons don’t fit the macho male narrative. They are all tender, well read, and passionate. They feel deeply, love music, and some of their closest friends are girls! So when @tlcbooktours reached out to offer me an opportunity to read this book, Beyond Awkward Side Hugs, I knew it was something I would enjoy.
Bronwyn Lea’s book dives right in and asks the tough question. How do we keep relationships with the opposite sex healthy? It doesn’t have to be weird! Jesus doesn’t was us to live a fear-based life but a whole one filled with deep connections, no matter the other persons wiring. He hung out with the woman at the well! He didn’t shame the woman who bathed his feet in oil. He welcomed them.
Lea’s writing reminds me a bit of @sarahbessey in Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible's View of Women. She is insightful, humorous , and honest. Lea's background in both law and seminary provides a balance & refreshing view on this hot topic. And like Bessey, Lea isn't afraid to press in and ask the hard questions - why is this the church’s reaction? How we can change the narrative? Is this really all Jesus wants for us? She goes on to talk about how this plays out in dating, work life, friendships, and marriage. I will definitely be using this as a resource for further discussions with my sons as well as the bible studies we host at home.
Thank you @tlcbooktours and @thomasnelson for #gifting having me on this tour and sending me a physical copy of this book!
April 27, 2020
If you think this book isn’t for you, think again. Whether you’re married or single, whether you’re just entering those awkward dating years or they’re a distant speck in your rear-view mirror or you’re somewhere in between, I guarantee you’ll be challenged to think about how you relate to your brothers and sisters in Christ, particularly those of the opposite sex. And it all begins by recognising that, in our hypersexualised culture, “our default setting is to hear the language of love, desire, and intimacy as sexual.”
In contrast to the world’s sexually-charged relationship paradigm, the Bible’s language when it speaks about fellow-believers is familial, and not in a metaphoric sense. We are literal, if not biological, brothers and sisters, and this should be our paradigm for relationships among believers. Lea’s argument unfolds logically, thoughtfully, and with a sound application of Scripture, and her manner is engaging and honest, frequently drawing on anecdotes and cultural references to illustrate her points.
Lea doesn’t dismiss the potential for chastely-intended friendships to go astray, but she makes a strong case for not starting the conversation with worst-case scenarios in mind. Rather than asking “How can we avoid sexual sin?” she argues we should begin by asking “How can men and women live in relationship as God intended?” Accordingly, this little gem is both a how-to and a why-to, and I highly recommend it.
I received a copy of this novel from the publisher. This has not influenced the content of my review, which is my honest and unbiased opinion.
In contrast to the world’s sexually-charged relationship paradigm, the Bible’s language when it speaks about fellow-believers is familial, and not in a metaphoric sense. We are literal, if not biological, brothers and sisters, and this should be our paradigm for relationships among believers. Lea’s argument unfolds logically, thoughtfully, and with a sound application of Scripture, and her manner is engaging and honest, frequently drawing on anecdotes and cultural references to illustrate her points.
Lea doesn’t dismiss the potential for chastely-intended friendships to go astray, but she makes a strong case for not starting the conversation with worst-case scenarios in mind. Rather than asking “How can we avoid sexual sin?” she argues we should begin by asking “How can men and women live in relationship as God intended?” Accordingly, this little gem is both a how-to and a why-to, and I highly recommend it.
I received a copy of this novel from the publisher. This has not influenced the content of my review, which is my honest and unbiased opinion.
May 27, 2020
I so appreciate this book. In some ways, the author's message mirrors Hannah Anderson's points on discernment in All That's Good. Discernment is not primarily about avoidance but about seeking the good. Instead of reasoning backward from potential worst case scenario, Lea calls us to remember our siblinghood in Christ. The question is not simply how we can avoid sexual sin but how we can live as men and women in relationships as God intended. Recommended.
October 9, 2025
A topic I’m passionate about: this book had a lot of good thoughts. I feel like I should read it again and discuss it with someone to digest it better.
January 27, 2021
I've been reading Bronwyn Lea's writing for years, and I love her voice and her message.
This is the book I wish I'd had as a teenager and young adult. I wish my parents and pastors and youth leaders had had this book when I was a teenager and even now.
Lea doesn't shy away from the awkwardness and challenges of remaking the nature of our relationships in a world of heightened sexuality. She does offer clarity and freedom to live as family in Christ.
This is the book I wish I'd had as a teenager and young adult. I wish my parents and pastors and youth leaders had had this book when I was a teenager and even now.
Lea doesn't shy away from the awkwardness and challenges of remaking the nature of our relationships in a world of heightened sexuality. She does offer clarity and freedom to live as family in Christ.
April 7, 2020
You might need to read this book more than you realize!
I have to confess that sexuality and male-female relationships in the Church are not topics I had thought about in great depth up until this point. Sure, I’d read plenty of books on wisely choosing a spouse and building a solid marriage, but I didn’t consider what more I might be missing. Reading Bronwyn Lea’s Beyond Awkward Side Hugs has taken my thinking to a new level. There is so much more we need to learn about faithfully stewarding our sexuality, no matter our age or marital status, and the Church has not done a very good job of having this conversation or equipping us. I realized that I did have unanswered questions: How does God want me to relate to the male half of the world other than my husband? Am I really supposed to just avoid them all? How is the rich, deep community that I crave even possible if men and women don’t interact in a meaningful way? How would I develop friendships with men without it being perceived as threatening? The answers to my questions (and maybe yours, too!) can be found in the theology of “the church as family” and the living out of that theology, which is at the core of what this book is about.
Bronwyn Lea adeptly leads us “through the rugged terrain of our sex-crazed culture, and into the open plains of living as Christian brothers and sisters” with discernment, grace, and smart humor. She writes with vulnerability, including engaging stories from her own experiences that make the content relatable. The acuity and elegance with which she forms each thought makes her writing a delight to read. Bronwyn Lea’s nobility, earnestness, and integrity shine through and winningly invite us to aspire to a higher way.
From an analysis of the cultural waters we all swim in, to an exposition of the biblical mandates for the Church to function as a family in purity and interdependence, to the casting of a beautiful vision of how it can be lived out, Bronwyn Lea challenges believers to a paradigm shift that would transform the Church and its witness to a watching world that is desperate for connection and belonging. I found this book to be inspiring, thought-provoking, and relevant to my life and how I want to live out my faith. I pray that many read this book and that God brings believers together with a shared vision for making the Church as family become a reality.
I have to confess that sexuality and male-female relationships in the Church are not topics I had thought about in great depth up until this point. Sure, I’d read plenty of books on wisely choosing a spouse and building a solid marriage, but I didn’t consider what more I might be missing. Reading Bronwyn Lea’s Beyond Awkward Side Hugs has taken my thinking to a new level. There is so much more we need to learn about faithfully stewarding our sexuality, no matter our age or marital status, and the Church has not done a very good job of having this conversation or equipping us. I realized that I did have unanswered questions: How does God want me to relate to the male half of the world other than my husband? Am I really supposed to just avoid them all? How is the rich, deep community that I crave even possible if men and women don’t interact in a meaningful way? How would I develop friendships with men without it being perceived as threatening? The answers to my questions (and maybe yours, too!) can be found in the theology of “the church as family” and the living out of that theology, which is at the core of what this book is about.
Bronwyn Lea adeptly leads us “through the rugged terrain of our sex-crazed culture, and into the open plains of living as Christian brothers and sisters” with discernment, grace, and smart humor. She writes with vulnerability, including engaging stories from her own experiences that make the content relatable. The acuity and elegance with which she forms each thought makes her writing a delight to read. Bronwyn Lea’s nobility, earnestness, and integrity shine through and winningly invite us to aspire to a higher way.
From an analysis of the cultural waters we all swim in, to an exposition of the biblical mandates for the Church to function as a family in purity and interdependence, to the casting of a beautiful vision of how it can be lived out, Bronwyn Lea challenges believers to a paradigm shift that would transform the Church and its witness to a watching world that is desperate for connection and belonging. I found this book to be inspiring, thought-provoking, and relevant to my life and how I want to live out my faith. I pray that many read this book and that God brings believers together with a shared vision for making the Church as family become a reality.
May 6, 2020
Beyond Awkward Side Hugs was a thought-provoking read. I wasn't sure about the book before I started it (it sounded good, but wasn't sure that it would be what I hoped), but I'm happy to say that it was really good.
The author had some interesting ideas and I found myself thinking about things in different ways - not saying I agree 100% with everything, but it was intriguing.
All in all, Beyond Awkward Side Hugs was worth the read and I'm glad I read it.
*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention/review it on my blog. I was not required to give a positive review, only my honest opinion - which I've done. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.* (less) [edit]
The author had some interesting ideas and I found myself thinking about things in different ways - not saying I agree 100% with everything, but it was intriguing.
All in all, Beyond Awkward Side Hugs was worth the read and I'm glad I read it.
*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention/review it on my blog. I was not required to give a positive review, only my honest opinion - which I've done. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.* (less) [edit]
May 31, 2020
Lea skillfully threads the needle of interacting with weighty issues while simultaneously writing a thoroughly enjoyable book. She is witty, clever, and thoughtful, and she tackles one of the most frustrating components of the modern church: how men and women relate to each other. The title gives it all away - isn't there more to being part of the family of God than painfully awkward side hugs with 50% of our family? Can married men and women be friends with one another? How do we date, and what is the purpose of marriage? What about friendships?
These are difficult questions, and as an engaged millennial seminarian, they are some of the most pressing questions I face in my relationships in the church. There are a lot of "No's" in the church regarding sexuality and gender - no sex before you're married, no texting people of the opposite sex that aren't your spouse, no riding in cars with people of the opposite sex. Lea challenges some of these "No's", not to deconstruct a conservative moral ethic, but to ask the questions, "What should relationships in the family of God look like? And how should we orient our relationships towards that goal?"
Her answer to that question, and the thesis of her book, is a question: How seriously should we take the language of "brothers and sisters" in the New Testament? Lea's answer: very.
The church is addressed using distinctly familial language well over a hundred times in the New Testament, because that is what we are. We are the family of God. And therefore the relationships between believers, even those of the opposite sex, are of family. We are brothers and sisters in Christ, not potential temptresses and adulterers. Through this family paradigm, I can view my female peers as sisters instead of as threats to my marriage.
Through this paradigm, Lea builds out a positive perspective on friendships, sexuality, dating, and marriage. This is not a theology built on "No's" and other forms of legalism. Her theology is focused on God's vision for our relational flourishing, embracing the whole of humanity (and not just our single-gendered bible studies).
These are difficult questions, and as an engaged millennial seminarian, they are some of the most pressing questions I face in my relationships in the church. There are a lot of "No's" in the church regarding sexuality and gender - no sex before you're married, no texting people of the opposite sex that aren't your spouse, no riding in cars with people of the opposite sex. Lea challenges some of these "No's", not to deconstruct a conservative moral ethic, but to ask the questions, "What should relationships in the family of God look like? And how should we orient our relationships towards that goal?"
Her answer to that question, and the thesis of her book, is a question: How seriously should we take the language of "brothers and sisters" in the New Testament? Lea's answer: very.
The church is addressed using distinctly familial language well over a hundred times in the New Testament, because that is what we are. We are the family of God. And therefore the relationships between believers, even those of the opposite sex, are of family. We are brothers and sisters in Christ, not potential temptresses and adulterers. Through this family paradigm, I can view my female peers as sisters instead of as threats to my marriage.
Through this paradigm, Lea builds out a positive perspective on friendships, sexuality, dating, and marriage. This is not a theology built on "No's" and other forms of legalism. Her theology is focused on God's vision for our relational flourishing, embracing the whole of humanity (and not just our single-gendered bible studies).
August 2, 2020
* I purchased this book on Bookshop.org & unfortunately that platform does not allow for any highlighting or note-taking - which is unfortunate because there were so many thoughts to highlight!
At first glance, I most likely would not have jumped at the chance to read this book simply due to the title. However, I am thoroughly glad I did as it was enlightening, relatable & a very worthy read.
This is a book I wish I could have read in my 20's; I did not marry until age 32, mostly because I really enjoyed being single! And while it all ended up well & good (celebrating 16 years of marriage soon), the content really spoke to me as I remembered the challenge of desiring community beyond the college-aged groups I ended up finding myself in... well beyond my college-age years. I was the one who would have jumped at the chance of eating at the table with a family since I wasn't living near any family during those years.
There are portions of the book that I think my teen could benefit from as well, most especially Chapter 8. Kind of made me think a "teen version" of the book would be great!
Highly recommend.
At first glance, I most likely would not have jumped at the chance to read this book simply due to the title. However, I am thoroughly glad I did as it was enlightening, relatable & a very worthy read.
This is a book I wish I could have read in my 20's; I did not marry until age 32, mostly because I really enjoyed being single! And while it all ended up well & good (celebrating 16 years of marriage soon), the content really spoke to me as I remembered the challenge of desiring community beyond the college-aged groups I ended up finding myself in... well beyond my college-age years. I was the one who would have jumped at the chance of eating at the table with a family since I wasn't living near any family during those years.
There are portions of the book that I think my teen could benefit from as well, most especially Chapter 8. Kind of made me think a "teen version" of the book would be great!
Highly recommend.
April 2, 2020
I just finished reading an advanced copy, and I honestly couldn’t put it down— it is that good! It’s worthy of your time not only for its relevant message, but also for the wit and wisdom that only Bronwyn can bring.
She weaves solid biblical truth into areas that we need to explore and better understand: family relationships, dating relationships, marriage relationships, work relationships, ministry relationships, friendships— and everything in between. She gives no pat answers. On the contrary, she faces tough questions head-on and wrestles with age-old dilemmas.
She presents some of the most practical relationship advice I’ve ever heard, and —wow— could I have this used this years ago! People deserve better than to just tip-toe around these tricky topics all their lives, wishing that there were a roadmap for navigating male-female relationships. I highly recommend this book for the depth and breadth of the good work it does in helping Christians understand God’s plan for us to live in community as brothers and sisters.
She weaves solid biblical truth into areas that we need to explore and better understand: family relationships, dating relationships, marriage relationships, work relationships, ministry relationships, friendships— and everything in between. She gives no pat answers. On the contrary, she faces tough questions head-on and wrestles with age-old dilemmas.
She presents some of the most practical relationship advice I’ve ever heard, and —wow— could I have this used this years ago! People deserve better than to just tip-toe around these tricky topics all their lives, wishing that there were a roadmap for navigating male-female relationships. I highly recommend this book for the depth and breadth of the good work it does in helping Christians understand God’s plan for us to live in community as brothers and sisters.
April 6, 2020
In Beyond Awkward Side Hugs, author Bronwyn Lea not only speaks of ‘family of God’ members with dignity and esteem but invites each of us into a life of great stewardship and discernment. Her wit, compassion, intelligence, and passion for justice is evident in every masterful section spurring us on towards a future hope of relational flourishing.
April 9, 2025
*Thank you Goodreads and Thomas Nelson for this giveaway win!*
It took me a long time, too long, to get through this book. I don't think it was meant for me. In fact, I started it and restarted it probably 3+ different times thinking I could just get it done. The chapters were so long I feel like. The info inside wasn't bad, I just don't think I was the target audience. Hopefully someone else will pick it up and find some wisdom and insight from it.
It took me a long time, too long, to get through this book. I don't think it was meant for me. In fact, I started it and restarted it probably 3+ different times thinking I could just get it done. The chapters were so long I feel like. The info inside wasn't bad, I just don't think I was the target audience. Hopefully someone else will pick it up and find some wisdom and insight from it.
July 27, 2020
I highly recommend this book. The main premise is that people in church are first and foremost siblings, brothers and sisters, family, but unfortunately churches right now oversexualise relationships between women and men. The author covers a wide range of topics that deal with sexuality and sibling love. Such conversations rarily happen in churches nowadays. Belarusian modern church almost stopped using "sister" and "brother" referring to one another. A girl cannot be friends with a man because it always leads to someone thinking there's more to a relationship.
I think this book brings about a healthy, thourough perspective to this whole topic.
I think this book brings about a healthy, thourough perspective to this whole topic.
March 18, 2025
One of the not so hidden secrets of the world of conservative Evangelicalism writ large involves the challenge of interpersonal relationships among men and women. There are marriage relationships, of course, as well as parent-child relationships. But when it comes to how men and women relate to each other in general, it seems as if the concerns regarding sexual transgression have become so predominant in everyone’s thinking that no space has been given for unmarried, non-biologically related men and women to relate to each other.
Bronwyn Lea wrote regarding this state of affairs and what to do about it in Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: Living as Christian Brothers and Sisters in a Sex-Crazed World (galley received as part of early review program, but full book read).
The author first set forth the problem: the ironic way in which conservative Evangelical culture mirrored secular culture in terms of the over-sexualization of all relationships and thus the intrinsic awkwardness when it comes to having men and women relate to one another within a church context. The author then considered the Biblical witness regarding bodies and human sexuality and then set forth her essential thesis: Christians do well to truly see and treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ, and the sibling relationship is key to properly understanding how Christians should relate to one another.
What would that mean for the biological nuclear family, or Christians who are married to each other? The author then addressed how biological family is to sit within the context of church family, and how husbands and wives can well treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. She considered how unmarried men and women in churches could well relate as brothers and sisters in Christ.
The immediate response in concern is manifest: what about those who transgress sexually because of such things? The author considers the horror stories of adultery within churches, providing counsel regarding those situations; just as importantly, if not more so, she reminds us all how the abuse of a thing does not make the thing itself wrong, and maintaining so much concern about transgressions in relationships can hinder the proper and appropriate development of those relationships. She also provided some encouragement in terms of dating and sexual stewardship in a church context.
The book came out in 2020, and in some ways reflects a conservative but centrist perspective in Evangelicalism which has not well endured or survived by the mid-2020s. She quotes the kind of array of sources which it would be difficult imagining much of anyone quoting anymore. The “conservative but centrist” perspective helps explain the subtext (“…in a sex-crazed world”) despite the awkwardness of how it seems plenty in the world have been better able to figure out platonic male-female relationships in ways which seemingly have escaped the world of conservative Evangelicalism writ large. That’s probably because at least aspects of the world are, in fact, less “sex crazed” than much of what passes for conservative Evangelicalism.
Nevertheless, the issues the author raises remain quite important and salient in congregational contexts. Far too often, men somewhat relate with fellow men, and women generally do decently at relating with fellow women, but the gender segregation in churches remains quite stark and apparent in a way very much at variance with the kind of congregational cultures manifest in the witness of the New Testament. To that end, this is a helpful resource to consider so we might move beyond awkward relationships as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Bronwyn Lea wrote regarding this state of affairs and what to do about it in Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: Living as Christian Brothers and Sisters in a Sex-Crazed World (galley received as part of early review program, but full book read).
The author first set forth the problem: the ironic way in which conservative Evangelical culture mirrored secular culture in terms of the over-sexualization of all relationships and thus the intrinsic awkwardness when it comes to having men and women relate to one another within a church context. The author then considered the Biblical witness regarding bodies and human sexuality and then set forth her essential thesis: Christians do well to truly see and treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ, and the sibling relationship is key to properly understanding how Christians should relate to one another.
What would that mean for the biological nuclear family, or Christians who are married to each other? The author then addressed how biological family is to sit within the context of church family, and how husbands and wives can well treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. She considered how unmarried men and women in churches could well relate as brothers and sisters in Christ.
The immediate response in concern is manifest: what about those who transgress sexually because of such things? The author considers the horror stories of adultery within churches, providing counsel regarding those situations; just as importantly, if not more so, she reminds us all how the abuse of a thing does not make the thing itself wrong, and maintaining so much concern about transgressions in relationships can hinder the proper and appropriate development of those relationships. She also provided some encouragement in terms of dating and sexual stewardship in a church context.
The book came out in 2020, and in some ways reflects a conservative but centrist perspective in Evangelicalism which has not well endured or survived by the mid-2020s. She quotes the kind of array of sources which it would be difficult imagining much of anyone quoting anymore. The “conservative but centrist” perspective helps explain the subtext (“…in a sex-crazed world”) despite the awkwardness of how it seems plenty in the world have been better able to figure out platonic male-female relationships in ways which seemingly have escaped the world of conservative Evangelicalism writ large. That’s probably because at least aspects of the world are, in fact, less “sex crazed” than much of what passes for conservative Evangelicalism.
Nevertheless, the issues the author raises remain quite important and salient in congregational contexts. Far too often, men somewhat relate with fellow men, and women generally do decently at relating with fellow women, but the gender segregation in churches remains quite stark and apparent in a way very much at variance with the kind of congregational cultures manifest in the witness of the New Testament. To that end, this is a helpful resource to consider so we might move beyond awkward relationships as brothers and sisters in Christ.
February 9, 2021
A delightful book on a sometimes awkward but always necessary topic. How do we as brothers and sisters in Christ have meaningful familial relationships? She dives headfirst into a variety of topics from the meaning and purpose of marriage, dating , professional relationships, and being the family of God.
A couple quotes to whet your appetite. "Christian men and women in deep, close, holy love relationships model something powerful to the world. "
"The dating process is as much about evaluating partnership potential as it is about evaluating passion potential. "
" Sexual infidelity and abuse ultimately result from a lack of character, not a lack of constraints."
All throughout the book the theme of us being brother and sister in Christ comes through, that family dynamic remains true whether we are single, dating or married. We are first brother and sister in Christ. Viewing these topics through that lens sets the foundation for boundaries and depth of relationships in the body of Christ. This is a book I will definitely rave about for the next couple months every time someone asks me a question I love to hear. "What have you been reading lately?
A couple quotes to whet your appetite. "Christian men and women in deep, close, holy love relationships model something powerful to the world. "
"The dating process is as much about evaluating partnership potential as it is about evaluating passion potential. "
" Sexual infidelity and abuse ultimately result from a lack of character, not a lack of constraints."
All throughout the book the theme of us being brother and sister in Christ comes through, that family dynamic remains true whether we are single, dating or married. We are first brother and sister in Christ. Viewing these topics through that lens sets the foundation for boundaries and depth of relationships in the body of Christ. This is a book I will definitely rave about for the next couple months every time someone asks me a question I love to hear. "What have you been reading lately?
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May 19, 2025Overall, I liked this, and found it hopeful and encouraging. I will say that I was hoping for something a bit more in depth, but it’s certainly a good intro to an important topic/s.
A few ideas I especially liked:
- How our sex-focused culture has (negatively) influenced the church and its view of sex and romance and general male-female relationships and interactions.
- Yes, wisdom is needed in male-female relationships/friendships, but not a wisdom based in fear and panic, but a wisdom based in love of God and love for the church as family, for our brothers and sisters in Christ. “The fear of the Lord—not the fear of sin—is the beginning of wisdom” (p. 17).
- The importance of familial church community in ALL stages of the Christian life, whether single or married or widowed or divorced.
- The vital importance of the church as family (which doesn’t negate our responsibilities to our “earthly family”).
- The author’s list of the dangers of forbidding male-female friendships.
Would be a great book for someone in their late teens to read.
A few ideas I especially liked:
- How our sex-focused culture has (negatively) influenced the church and its view of sex and romance and general male-female relationships and interactions.
- Yes, wisdom is needed in male-female relationships/friendships, but not a wisdom based in fear and panic, but a wisdom based in love of God and love for the church as family, for our brothers and sisters in Christ. “The fear of the Lord—not the fear of sin—is the beginning of wisdom” (p. 17).
- The importance of familial church community in ALL stages of the Christian life, whether single or married or widowed or divorced.
- The vital importance of the church as family (which doesn’t negate our responsibilities to our “earthly family”).
- The author’s list of the dangers of forbidding male-female friendships.
Would be a great book for someone in their late teens to read.
April 9, 2020
In "Beyond Awkward Side Hugs" Bronwyn Lea discusses sexuality within the Christian community and how to set appropriate boundaries. I found her advice to be more moderate than you usually see on this topic, but I felt this book was lacking. I was hoping for more specific guidance on navigating the teen and single years, from the perspective of a parent. That said, I found this to be a quick and enjoyable read.
Thank you NetGAlley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review.
Thank you NetGAlley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review.
May 25, 2020
While traditional Christians are brought up with the idea that certain activities are only allowed after marriage, the author of this book takes a look beyond that narrow definition of relationships between male and females and recognizes that marriage is not the only, tight box of life. Men and women engage in other ways as well.
She starts by describing the various forms of relationships and love before discussing the various situations in which men and women interact...many of these having nothing to do with the more sensual relationships, which first pop into the head when a man, women relationship is mentioned. She continues to slide through dating, marriage, being single, friendship, neighbor relationships, work relationships, and so on, using scripture as well as true experiences to make her point.
I'm not a huge fan of relationship literature and was a bit skeptical when I received this one, but the author does a lovely job of discussing an often overseen theme. The book does take the stance that intimacy before marriage is not appropriate, but that's the only 'rule' it sticks to and isn't the main theme, anyway. The intentions of this book are to open up the notion that there is more to men and women than physical intimacy. This isn't a book about wrong or right or even trying to preach about how life should be lived. Rather, it takes apart the narrow views of gender relationships in general. The use of Bible verses grounds the religious aspects, but most of the thoughts are explained through usual life situations.
The themes and points are delivered in a laid back manner, but this still isn't a read to breeze through. Each point is thoroughly discussed and explained using several directions. In other words, readers will need to put on their thinking caps and following the arguments. But these aren't difficult to understand. The entire thing comes across logically and without pressure, making it a well-done read.
I received an ARC copy and found it well done.
She starts by describing the various forms of relationships and love before discussing the various situations in which men and women interact...many of these having nothing to do with the more sensual relationships, which first pop into the head when a man, women relationship is mentioned. She continues to slide through dating, marriage, being single, friendship, neighbor relationships, work relationships, and so on, using scripture as well as true experiences to make her point.
I'm not a huge fan of relationship literature and was a bit skeptical when I received this one, but the author does a lovely job of discussing an often overseen theme. The book does take the stance that intimacy before marriage is not appropriate, but that's the only 'rule' it sticks to and isn't the main theme, anyway. The intentions of this book are to open up the notion that there is more to men and women than physical intimacy. This isn't a book about wrong or right or even trying to preach about how life should be lived. Rather, it takes apart the narrow views of gender relationships in general. The use of Bible verses grounds the religious aspects, but most of the thoughts are explained through usual life situations.
The themes and points are delivered in a laid back manner, but this still isn't a read to breeze through. Each point is thoroughly discussed and explained using several directions. In other words, readers will need to put on their thinking caps and following the arguments. But these aren't difficult to understand. The entire thing comes across logically and without pressure, making it a well-done read.
I received an ARC copy and found it well done.
May 19, 2020
Beyond Awkward Side Hugs shows us and reminds us that God uses our brothers and sisters in Christ to provide for our needs. Lea addresses sex, but far more than sex. Her focus is on healthy relationships in the church and on how to love each other well and all that that encompasses. It's a thorough book, and the writing is intelligent and insightful. Lea takes questions that have floated around for years and yet have been given pat answers, and digs deeper. Over and over she reminds us that we are a family and that people in families love each other—and helps us understand how this plays out in the day to day. So many wise sentences and paragraphs in here. A lot of quoteables! I highly highly recommend.
May 1, 2020
While I found this book to be all over the place, I love every single bit of it. The reminder of being brothers and sister in Christ and what that actually means was wonderful. Looking at how we worry about men and women alone together when it possible to just see them as friends and where Christians began to believe this was sinful. It was extremely well-written and I loved the anecdotes the author provided.
July 28, 2020
This is a book I will.be recommending to others. Love the picture of Biblical community offered where men and women can be intimately connected without the expectation that this be sexual in nature. We would do well to reclaim a more robust theology and practice around men and women in kingdom relationship and partnership. Oh what a testimony it would be! Jesus himself said others would know we are his disciples by the love we have for one another.
March 11, 2023
This book describes the Biblical support for relating to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ rather than potential stumbling blocks or potential spouses. It is encouraging and easy to read with clear illustrations and theological premises. The book did not have as many practical tips for relating to one another as brothers and sisters but the framework it lays out can help us determine practical next steps in our communities.
May 7, 2020
With engaging and thoughtful writing about an important subject, Bronwyn Lea tackles a surprisingly little discussed (still! even in 2020!) phenomenon among many Christian groups and churches and that is non-sexual relationships between believers. She begins her book with the fundamentals of what relationship between the sexes looks like within the church and how the familial bond between believers is a fundamental distinction of what it means to be Christ followers. Historically, we have gotten this so wrong, as Lea points out because we have allowed hyper-sexualized culture to define relationships as narrow and even predatory. Who can stand and talk to someone they are not married to after a church service without being aware that they may be suspected of some romantic dalliance? Or why can't women sit at a leadership table with men and not be viewed as more than a threat? This is a problem, Lea points out well, for people that are called by Christ to behave as family members who care for one another as commanded by Scripture. "They shall know we are Christians by our love," we sing in our pews but abandon one another to loneliness and isolation outside in the world fearing that friendliness is akin to predatory behavior. Lea argues persuasively for community as part of what makes our marriages stronger and the image of what God had designed for his people from the beginning. This book allows readers to think through the call to be the family of God and what that entails. It is not sugar-coated as easy-peasy, but she tackles the obvious concerns with thoughtfulness and wisdom. I hope this book gets widely read and discussed among churches where so much good can come from the pursuit of familial community.
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