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The Householder: A Peek into the Changing Role of Women in India
The roles of men and women in the ancient society were well defined. And even though the institution of marriage has remained the same since aeons, a woman’s purpose and status has drastically changed over the years.
Women, since the beginning of time, were always taught that their purpose was to serve men. But now, the idea that women are created for themselves and for their own happiness is beginning to conquer the world. Women, today, are educated, independent and not at all at the mercy of men. From living their lives as an oppressed gender, women now have an equal role in society.
But despite her liberation, women continue to be enchained by the conditionings of the patriarchal mind-set. The Householder explores the psychology which is responsible for the biases and prejudices that surround a woman’s identity and sexuality and takes us through her journey of survival in a unanimously skewed world.
Women, since the beginning of time, were always taught that their purpose was to serve men. But now, the idea that women are created for themselves and for their own happiness is beginning to conquer the world. Women, today, are educated, independent and not at all at the mercy of men. From living their lives as an oppressed gender, women now have an equal role in society.
But despite her liberation, women continue to be enchained by the conditionings of the patriarchal mind-set. The Householder explores the psychology which is responsible for the biases and prejudices that surround a woman’s identity and sexuality and takes us through her journey of survival in a unanimously skewed world.
224 pages, Paperback
Published July 30, 2018
6 people want to read
About the author
Ritu Sharma
57 books1 followerRitu Sharma, MPH, is the Vice President for US Programs and Policy Advocacy at CARE. She guides the organization’s advocacy towards the US Government, international institutions and across 42 national governments. In addition, Ritu leads CARE’s nascent work across the United States providing emergency response to disasters and economic opportunities for women post-disaster.
Prior to CARE, Ritu was a Regional Director at the International Youth Foundation (IYF) working on young women’s economic opportunity, and a Senior Fellow with the Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS) leading the joint CSIS-IYF Youth, Prosperity, and Security Initiative.
Prior to CARE, Ritu was a Regional Director at the International Youth Foundation (IYF) working on young women’s economic opportunity, and a Senior Fellow with the Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS) leading the joint CSIS-IYF Youth, Prosperity, and Security Initiative.
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February 19, 2021
Book: The Householder: A Peek into the Changing Role of Women in India
Author: Ritu Sharma
Publisher: Hay House India (30 July 2018)
Language: English
Paperback: 224 pages
Item Weight: 170 g
Dimensions: 20 x 14 x 4 cm
Price: 104/-
It is said that a man and a woman are like two wheels of a cart. The cart can move swiftly and securely too, when both of them pull it in the same direction and with equivalent strength. Without women nothing is possible for men.
A woman is the fundamental unit of society. She makes a family, family makes a home, home a society and eventually society makes a country. The status of women in India has been subjected to enormous changes over the past years. The status of women - social, economic, political and general - in India today is much higher than in ancient and medieval periods. Though the status of women has been raised in the eyes of law, they are still much far from parity with males.
One cannot disregard the fact that the Indian society is going through an intermediary phase at present—the function of a woman is neither confined to the four walls of her house nor is it constrained by childbearing.
The contemporary woman is not at the mercy of the man in her life for self-preservation. She is as impenitent about exploring her sexuality and her autonomy as her male foil.
This book by Ritu Sharma devotedly explores the inherent psychology which is responsible for the biases and prejudices that surround a woman's identity and sexuality and takes the readers through her journey of survival in a unanimously skewed world.
The book is divided into two segments.
In the first segment the author explores the transformation in the dynamics of the relationship between a man and a woman which has given a whole new shade to the institution of marriage. Not only has the task of a woman taken on a new mould, which includes being monetarily and biologically autonomous, but the fast-paced development in technology has turned the world into a global village, too.
Part 1 of the book is divided into eighteen chapters:
Chapter 1 - The Institution of Marriage
Chapter 2 - The Classification of Women
Chapter 3 - The Epic Emancipation
Chapter 4 - The Little Grey Home
Chapter 5 - The Concept of Marriage
Chapter 6 - The Settlement
Chapter 7 - Reality Bites
Chapter 8 - The Madame Bovary Syndrome
Chapter 9 - The Great Betrayal
Chapter 10 - Why Women Cheat
Chapter 11 - The Pledge of Fidelity
Chapter 12 - Why Men Cheat
Chapter 13 - Anatomy Analysis
Chapter 14 - The Relationship Matrix
Chapter 15 - The Marital Angst
Chapter 16 - The Myth of Fidelity
Chapter 17 – The Integrated Married Life
Chapter 18 - Marriage: An Eye Opener
In the first part of the book, the author shows, how the influx of the Internet, satellite television, social media, etc., have added new pressure on interpersonal relationships as they offer opportunities and private space to men and women like never before.
The fist eighteen chapters highlight that due to its expediency, extramarital relationships have become unbridled in the society; we see it as an escape from our existing situation. Instead of making an effort to work on our current relationship, we choose the easy way out: we walk out of a flawed relationship.
A defective relationship is different from a dysfunctional relationship where it is best to part ways. But our busy lives leave us with little time to reflect on the nature of our relationship, and we assume it to be dysfunctional because we compare it to what the others are projecting.
The world of advertising, social networking, and media use our sense of disquietude to their advantage and magnify the possibility of a picture-perfect life.
Our gullible self gives in to this projection and starts to chase the impossible—the perfect relationship or the happily ever after.
There are couples who are compatible and there are couples who are not. This means that for some couples getting along comes naturally, while for some it requires a bit of hard work. Even the couples, who seemingly get along well, do make an effort.
The role of a householder is no child’s play; it is a huge responsibility. One should take it up only if they feel worthy of carrying it out with sensibility. Being part of a couple for life in the present-day scenario of easy distractions is tough. But, if our values are firmly anchored, we will survive the winds of change.
The second segment of the book explores our notions, perceptions, biases, conditioning, and responses that we acquire and are subjected to regarding marriage, sexual experiences, and our relationship with the opposite gender.
This section is divided into the following chapters:
Chapter 1 - The Origin of the Patriarchal Mindset
Chapter 2 - The Objectification of Women
Chapter 3 - Intelligence and Women
Chapter 4 - Love Actually
Chapter 5 - The Great Gender Divide
Chapter 6 - The Making of a Maharaja
Chapter 7 - Boys to Gentlemen
Chapter 8 - The Great Gender Barrier
Chapter 9 - The Economics of Equality
Chapter 10 - Marriage: The Great Escape
Chapter 11 - The Modern Fairy Tale
Chapter 12 - Women and Their Choices
Chapter 13 - Unsuitable Desires
Chapter 14 - Beauty and the Beholder
Chapter 15 - The Culture of Repression
Chapter 16 - Yin and Yang
Chapter 17 - Crime and Passion
Chapter 18 - The Essence of Marriage
This section shows that our mindset is the outcome of the truth that we have inherited from our cultural background through mythologies, literature, and customs. These inherited cultural truths have a direct impact on our attitude and behaviour and, eventually, condition our thoughts and feelings. Unless we understand the origin of our attitude, behaviour, and, most importantly, the truth behind gender prejudices that we have been carrying from our past, we will be stuck in the quagmire of stringent and obsolete beliefs.
This exploration will create an awareness which will, perhaps, facilitate the process of reflection and initiate an inquiry into our habituated mindset. It will also help us transcend the acquired limitations and prejudices that hinder our holistic growth as an individual. The clarity of thought would enhance the quality of our relationships and make us worthy individuals.
The author argues that unless a relationship, marriage in particular, is based on individual liberty and equality, the happiness quotient of the society is bound to be negligible. The road to gender equality is complicated since it involves dealing with various gender differences that influence the dynamics of a man-woman relationship and impacts issues such as abortion, childbearing, divorce, marital rape, etc.
Infidelity is yet another murky territory when it comes to gender biases. While men usually do not have to bear the wrath of the society for finding physical satisfaction outside marriage, the society is cruel to its women for doing the same.
The basis of these prejudices lies in the traditional notion of locating one’s honour in the women of the household. Unless we view infidelity as a human-failing issue rather than a gender-related one, the society will disintegrate.
Infidelity is painful for anyone who has experienced the betrayal of trust; its impact on a marriage is irreconcilable. Even if the couple decides to continue with the marriage, the ghost of the third person lurks in their bedroom.
The breaking of trust is something that leaves a crack in the glass and appears each time the couple sees their reflection together.
What stings the couple the most is their assumption that they know their partner so intimately. Truth be told, do we even know ourselves like we think we do?
Every once in a while, don’t we surprise ourselves by acting in a manner that is out of our predictable character?
Hence, it is a tad ambitious to claim that you know and understand another human mind!
The author concludes that life is a poignant roller-coaster ride, and we often find ourselves trapped in the spokes of these emotions. We can enjoy this ride only when we are centred in the fulcrum of our duties. As long as we are focused in our duties, we enjoy the innumerable emotions without losing either the essence of our being or our sense of duty.
Beyond the shackles of human biases, norms, and expectations, there is a world full of immense beauty and mystery waiting to be explored. An evolved life partner can add great value to this journey of exploration.
Together, the man and woman can sail through the sea of life, enjoying each other’s uniqueness and celebrating their togetherness.
The chapters are diminutive in size, interspersed with an abundance of anecdotes and case studies, which make for a breezy read.
A thumping 5 on 5.
Author: Ritu Sharma
Publisher: Hay House India (30 July 2018)
Language: English
Paperback: 224 pages
Item Weight: 170 g
Dimensions: 20 x 14 x 4 cm
Price: 104/-
It is said that a man and a woman are like two wheels of a cart. The cart can move swiftly and securely too, when both of them pull it in the same direction and with equivalent strength. Without women nothing is possible for men.
A woman is the fundamental unit of society. She makes a family, family makes a home, home a society and eventually society makes a country. The status of women in India has been subjected to enormous changes over the past years. The status of women - social, economic, political and general - in India today is much higher than in ancient and medieval periods. Though the status of women has been raised in the eyes of law, they are still much far from parity with males.
One cannot disregard the fact that the Indian society is going through an intermediary phase at present—the function of a woman is neither confined to the four walls of her house nor is it constrained by childbearing.
The contemporary woman is not at the mercy of the man in her life for self-preservation. She is as impenitent about exploring her sexuality and her autonomy as her male foil.
This book by Ritu Sharma devotedly explores the inherent psychology which is responsible for the biases and prejudices that surround a woman's identity and sexuality and takes the readers through her journey of survival in a unanimously skewed world.
The book is divided into two segments.
In the first segment the author explores the transformation in the dynamics of the relationship between a man and a woman which has given a whole new shade to the institution of marriage. Not only has the task of a woman taken on a new mould, which includes being monetarily and biologically autonomous, but the fast-paced development in technology has turned the world into a global village, too.
Part 1 of the book is divided into eighteen chapters:
Chapter 1 - The Institution of Marriage
Chapter 2 - The Classification of Women
Chapter 3 - The Epic Emancipation
Chapter 4 - The Little Grey Home
Chapter 5 - The Concept of Marriage
Chapter 6 - The Settlement
Chapter 7 - Reality Bites
Chapter 8 - The Madame Bovary Syndrome
Chapter 9 - The Great Betrayal
Chapter 10 - Why Women Cheat
Chapter 11 - The Pledge of Fidelity
Chapter 12 - Why Men Cheat
Chapter 13 - Anatomy Analysis
Chapter 14 - The Relationship Matrix
Chapter 15 - The Marital Angst
Chapter 16 - The Myth of Fidelity
Chapter 17 – The Integrated Married Life
Chapter 18 - Marriage: An Eye Opener
In the first part of the book, the author shows, how the influx of the Internet, satellite television, social media, etc., have added new pressure on interpersonal relationships as they offer opportunities and private space to men and women like never before.
The fist eighteen chapters highlight that due to its expediency, extramarital relationships have become unbridled in the society; we see it as an escape from our existing situation. Instead of making an effort to work on our current relationship, we choose the easy way out: we walk out of a flawed relationship.
A defective relationship is different from a dysfunctional relationship where it is best to part ways. But our busy lives leave us with little time to reflect on the nature of our relationship, and we assume it to be dysfunctional because we compare it to what the others are projecting.
The world of advertising, social networking, and media use our sense of disquietude to their advantage and magnify the possibility of a picture-perfect life.
Our gullible self gives in to this projection and starts to chase the impossible—the perfect relationship or the happily ever after.
There are couples who are compatible and there are couples who are not. This means that for some couples getting along comes naturally, while for some it requires a bit of hard work. Even the couples, who seemingly get along well, do make an effort.
The role of a householder is no child’s play; it is a huge responsibility. One should take it up only if they feel worthy of carrying it out with sensibility. Being part of a couple for life in the present-day scenario of easy distractions is tough. But, if our values are firmly anchored, we will survive the winds of change.
The second segment of the book explores our notions, perceptions, biases, conditioning, and responses that we acquire and are subjected to regarding marriage, sexual experiences, and our relationship with the opposite gender.
This section is divided into the following chapters:
Chapter 1 - The Origin of the Patriarchal Mindset
Chapter 2 - The Objectification of Women
Chapter 3 - Intelligence and Women
Chapter 4 - Love Actually
Chapter 5 - The Great Gender Divide
Chapter 6 - The Making of a Maharaja
Chapter 7 - Boys to Gentlemen
Chapter 8 - The Great Gender Barrier
Chapter 9 - The Economics of Equality
Chapter 10 - Marriage: The Great Escape
Chapter 11 - The Modern Fairy Tale
Chapter 12 - Women and Their Choices
Chapter 13 - Unsuitable Desires
Chapter 14 - Beauty and the Beholder
Chapter 15 - The Culture of Repression
Chapter 16 - Yin and Yang
Chapter 17 - Crime and Passion
Chapter 18 - The Essence of Marriage
This section shows that our mindset is the outcome of the truth that we have inherited from our cultural background through mythologies, literature, and customs. These inherited cultural truths have a direct impact on our attitude and behaviour and, eventually, condition our thoughts and feelings. Unless we understand the origin of our attitude, behaviour, and, most importantly, the truth behind gender prejudices that we have been carrying from our past, we will be stuck in the quagmire of stringent and obsolete beliefs.
This exploration will create an awareness which will, perhaps, facilitate the process of reflection and initiate an inquiry into our habituated mindset. It will also help us transcend the acquired limitations and prejudices that hinder our holistic growth as an individual. The clarity of thought would enhance the quality of our relationships and make us worthy individuals.
The author argues that unless a relationship, marriage in particular, is based on individual liberty and equality, the happiness quotient of the society is bound to be negligible. The road to gender equality is complicated since it involves dealing with various gender differences that influence the dynamics of a man-woman relationship and impacts issues such as abortion, childbearing, divorce, marital rape, etc.
Infidelity is yet another murky territory when it comes to gender biases. While men usually do not have to bear the wrath of the society for finding physical satisfaction outside marriage, the society is cruel to its women for doing the same.
The basis of these prejudices lies in the traditional notion of locating one’s honour in the women of the household. Unless we view infidelity as a human-failing issue rather than a gender-related one, the society will disintegrate.
Infidelity is painful for anyone who has experienced the betrayal of trust; its impact on a marriage is irreconcilable. Even if the couple decides to continue with the marriage, the ghost of the third person lurks in their bedroom.
The breaking of trust is something that leaves a crack in the glass and appears each time the couple sees their reflection together.
What stings the couple the most is their assumption that they know their partner so intimately. Truth be told, do we even know ourselves like we think we do?
Every once in a while, don’t we surprise ourselves by acting in a manner that is out of our predictable character?
Hence, it is a tad ambitious to claim that you know and understand another human mind!
The author concludes that life is a poignant roller-coaster ride, and we often find ourselves trapped in the spokes of these emotions. We can enjoy this ride only when we are centred in the fulcrum of our duties. As long as we are focused in our duties, we enjoy the innumerable emotions without losing either the essence of our being or our sense of duty.
Beyond the shackles of human biases, norms, and expectations, there is a world full of immense beauty and mystery waiting to be explored. An evolved life partner can add great value to this journey of exploration.
Together, the man and woman can sail through the sea of life, enjoying each other’s uniqueness and celebrating their togetherness.
The chapters are diminutive in size, interspersed with an abundance of anecdotes and case studies, which make for a breezy read.
A thumping 5 on 5.
April 8, 2021
The Householder
Ritu Sharma✨
Falling in love with the beautiful cover and the description in the back cover made me pick this book and the author didn't let me down.
I started reading this book on women's day and this is a perfect read for #femmemarch
Rather than shouting "women can do everything, women are ill treated,women are undermined in the society " the book tries to go behind the scene... "The why" behind the difference in the way women are treated. The psychological take on the patriarchal society we live in, the stereotypes that became the norm, the gender biases that still continues.
At some point I felt like I could understand the many things that is thrust upon us that we kinda accept without questioning simply because it was the way it has been always and never thought about questioning it.
Divided into 2 parts with 18 chapters in each, starting with a quote and references to psychological, scientific information, mythology, epics and a slap to the face kinda straightforward writing that doesn't beats around the bush on even the taboo topics with brutal honest explanations to every topics from love to marriage and everything in between, around and beyond...
The Householder is a must read for every women who has many questions to ask the society which is never been answered and men to understand the effect of gender biases better.
Ritu Sharma✨
Falling in love with the beautiful cover and the description in the back cover made me pick this book and the author didn't let me down.
I started reading this book on women's day and this is a perfect read for #femmemarch
Rather than shouting "women can do everything, women are ill treated,women are undermined in the society " the book tries to go behind the scene... "The why" behind the difference in the way women are treated. The psychological take on the patriarchal society we live in, the stereotypes that became the norm, the gender biases that still continues.
At some point I felt like I could understand the many things that is thrust upon us that we kinda accept without questioning simply because it was the way it has been always and never thought about questioning it.
Divided into 2 parts with 18 chapters in each, starting with a quote and references to psychological, scientific information, mythology, epics and a slap to the face kinda straightforward writing that doesn't beats around the bush on even the taboo topics with brutal honest explanations to every topics from love to marriage and everything in between, around and beyond...
The Householder is a must read for every women who has many questions to ask the society which is never been answered and men to understand the effect of gender biases better.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews