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The Vampire Housewife #1
Lipstick and Lies and Deadly Goodbyes
Ever been almost-beheaded by a snow-plow? Turned into an undead by a homeless vampire? Cheated and betrayed by your lying sack of s**t husband? Welcome to my life… or, more correctly, my crazy after-life.
To everyone behind the gates of our wealthy community in Charming, Mississippi, my husband and I were the Joneses everyone tried to keep up with. A beautiful house, the perfect gated community, two gorgeous kids, and a supposedly flawless marriage.
Until I came home and caught him rolling around in our bed, hip-deep in my best friend.
Which led to the aforementioned snow plow incident. I woke up with a fear of the sun and a propensity for drinking blood. Or in laymen’s terms, a vampire.
I thought vampires were supposed to be hot and irresistible. But my Maker smells like he just stepped out of a sewer and he has the appeal of a turd in a punch bowl.
But you know how life is as one of the Joneses...gotta keep up. Keep up appearances, that is.
I’ve swapped my Triple, Venti, Sugar-Free, Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato for a stainless steel rambler that keeps my O-Negative at the perfect room temperature. I can still manage the carpool lane, with the right sunglasses to hide my crazy eyes. But between daytime soccer games, a missing college student who might have been a vampire kill, trying not to drain my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and keeping my neighbors in the dark, I’m shaking in my Jimmy Choos. I'm not sure I can do this.
My name is Rachel Jones, and I’m a vampire housewife
To everyone behind the gates of our wealthy community in Charming, Mississippi, my husband and I were the Joneses everyone tried to keep up with. A beautiful house, the perfect gated community, two gorgeous kids, and a supposedly flawless marriage.
Until I came home and caught him rolling around in our bed, hip-deep in my best friend.
Which led to the aforementioned snow plow incident. I woke up with a fear of the sun and a propensity for drinking blood. Or in laymen’s terms, a vampire.
I thought vampires were supposed to be hot and irresistible. But my Maker smells like he just stepped out of a sewer and he has the appeal of a turd in a punch bowl.
But you know how life is as one of the Joneses...gotta keep up. Keep up appearances, that is.
I’ve swapped my Triple, Venti, Sugar-Free, Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato for a stainless steel rambler that keeps my O-Negative at the perfect room temperature. I can still manage the carpool lane, with the right sunglasses to hide my crazy eyes. But between daytime soccer games, a missing college student who might have been a vampire kill, trying not to drain my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and keeping my neighbors in the dark, I’m shaking in my Jimmy Choos. I'm not sure I can do this.
My name is Rachel Jones, and I’m a vampire housewife
255 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 15, 2019
140 people are currently reading
345 people want to read
About the author
Jodi Vaughn
64 books339 followersJodi is a USA TODAY bestselling author of the RISE OF THE ARKANSAS WEREWOLVES series and writes paranormal romance as well as contemporary romance. Born and raised in Mississippi, her deep Southern roots and love of the paranormal led her to write Southern Paranormal novels. When she is not conversing with characters in her head, she can be found at her home in Northeast Arkansas with her handsome husband, brilliant son, a temperamental swan, and yellow lab that is fond of retrieving turtles when duck season is over.
Find her on Facebook, Jodi Vaughn, author.
Follow her on Twitter and Periscope @JodiVaughn1
Sign up for her newsletter and check out her website http://jodivaughn.com
Find her on Instagram at VaughnJodi
Find her on Facebook, Jodi Vaughn, author.
Follow her on Twitter and Periscope @JodiVaughn1
Sign up for her newsletter and check out her website http://jodivaughn.com
Find her on Instagram at VaughnJodi
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews
November 17, 2021
I went into this expecting a cozy mystery and got something else entirely.
I thought it was a pretty entertaining popcorn read. Fast paced and a tad bit cheesy.
However, I was quite uncomfortable with the main character's obsession with weight. She has two daughters and claims to want them to understand that their physical appearance isn't what matters but at the same time she can't stop going on and on about how much better she looks now that she's thinner after turning into a vampire. And she talks negatively about another character's weight as well which was just so gross.
The writing was decent to be honest. Although so many people narrowed their eyes in this book; it was unbelievable. I felt if this book went through at least one more editing process it would be a little neater.
Overall, I felt this was an ok read and I might move on to book 2 if I find myself in the mood for something quick and easy.
I thought it was a pretty entertaining popcorn read. Fast paced and a tad bit cheesy.
However, I was quite uncomfortable with the main character's obsession with weight. She has two daughters and claims to want them to understand that their physical appearance isn't what matters but at the same time she can't stop going on and on about how much better she looks now that she's thinner after turning into a vampire. And she talks negatively about another character's weight as well which was just so gross.
The writing was decent to be honest. Although so many people narrowed their eyes in this book; it was unbelievable. I felt if this book went through at least one more editing process it would be a little neater.
Overall, I felt this was an ok read and I might move on to book 2 if I find myself in the mood for something quick and easy.
April 8, 2024
1 star - A depressing intro to the afterlife for a female MC who appears absolutely unable to show any backbone, even though she's now a mind controlling vampire that could easily put the whammy on her detractors and drain them dry - but nope she drains a Racoon instead and continues to let everyone walk all over her, including her very smelly Vampire sire who quite frankly is only one step up from her cheating husband. Steeped in misogynistic tropes wrapped up as pseudo feminism - Give this one a miss!
August 3, 2023
Normally, I’d feel bad about calling someone at midnight, but this was an emergency. Tonight, I had a giant dick in my front yard.
Out of context quote!
I wanted a quick read and this absolutely was that. It's been sat in my the for a while and I've finally got around to knocking it off.
Rachel is a suburban house wife, has the perfect life and is blissfully married with 2 kids. She plans a surprise for her husband for his birthday and instead finds him in bed with another woman. If that wasn't bad enough, the other woman is her best friend.
She leaves her home and ends up nearly dying, gets turned into a vamp and then had to try and navigate her life falling apart.
It's honestly not a bad little read, even if it wasn't what I expected. I assumed it might be a little more humorous after reading the above line but it focuses more on the affair than any other aspect, which is fair... But she was turned into a vamp. You'd think that would have been more the focal point.
Out of context quote!
I wanted a quick read and this absolutely was that. It's been sat in my the for a while and I've finally got around to knocking it off.
Rachel is a suburban house wife, has the perfect life and is blissfully married with 2 kids. She plans a surprise for her husband for his birthday and instead finds him in bed with another woman. If that wasn't bad enough, the other woman is her best friend.
She leaves her home and ends up nearly dying, gets turned into a vamp and then had to try and navigate her life falling apart.
It's honestly not a bad little read, even if it wasn't what I expected. I assumed it might be a little more humorous after reading the above line but it focuses more on the affair than any other aspect, which is fair... But she was turned into a vamp. You'd think that would have been more the focal point.
June 29, 2025
Just a silly book to read for fun.
August 10, 2024
campy and fun
I started this book because I needed something silly and fun and because I love all things vampire. This was exactly that. Except for the MFs early constant whining about her husband making me roll my eyes, I loved it. Ready to continue the series and watch her character grow.
I started this book because I needed something silly and fun and because I love all things vampire. This was exactly that. Except for the MFs early constant whining about her husband making me roll my eyes, I loved it. Ready to continue the series and watch her character grow.
December 29, 2020
Fun! I enjoyed it
November 9, 2019
LIPSTICK AND LIES AND DEADLY GOODBYES (The Vampire Housewife Series Book 1) By: Jodi VaughnIt's Time For "LIPSTICK AND LIES AND DEADLY GOODBYES!"
She's a HouseWife with a Secret Birthday Plan...
A Gift of HerSelf for Hubby... Wrapped XxXXtra Special!
Sadly... Her Delivery IS OFF Key!
As HIS Equipment is OtherWise Engaged...
Secretly EmBedded WITHIN Her ONCE Upon A Time BestFriend!!
Thus begins a VERY BAD DAY... When Her Hubby becomes an Ex,
And She wakes in a Ditch as a Li'l bit UnDead,
With nothing but a series of "LIPSTICK AND LIES AND DEADLY GOODBYES" to get Her through to tomorrow!
I was granted, via B00|{$P®0UT, an ARC of Jodi Vaughn's "LIPSTICK AND LIES AND DEADLY GOODBYES (The Vampire Housewife Series Book 1)." I recommend this book to others based upon its own merits. All opinions expressed within this review are uniquely my own & freely given!
Until next time... Happy Reading!
October 30, 2019
The protagonist Rachel has been through the wringer, or should I say death by snowplow?
Cheating husband, saved by vampire, who then turns up everywhere she is, giving advice which Rachel doesn't seem to heed. Sort of like a helicopter mother-in-law?
Not as funny as I thought it would be, but still a good read. Amusing and fun story which could continue in further books. I'd chance another one.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Cheating husband, saved by vampire, who then turns up everywhere she is, giving advice which Rachel doesn't seem to heed. Sort of like a helicopter mother-in-law?
Not as funny as I thought it would be, but still a good read. Amusing and fun story which could continue in further books. I'd chance another one.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Read
November 3, 2019I thought this was a cozy mystery book, but definitely wasn’t. If you like books about vampires this is the book for you. Not sure how I felt about the story, but the ending has peaked my interest of how things will continue so I will need to read the next book in this series.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
November 3, 2019
Loved this book!!
I can't wait for the next book in this series to get here!! Ha Roadkill he calls her need I say more to spark any interest lol. What do you do when you find your jerk husband has been cheating on you with your best friend? Oh and the fact you have been turned into a vampire but still have children to raise?! This book is so awesome!!
I can't wait for the next book in this series to get here!! Ha Roadkill he calls her need I say more to spark any interest lol. What do you do when you find your jerk husband has been cheating on you with your best friend? Oh and the fact you have been turned into a vampire but still have children to raise?! This book is so awesome!!
May 25, 2023
Rachel Jones was thirty-five with two children and started showing the effects of age, gravity, and lack of a workout routine. But when she went to surprise her husband on his birthday with her body squeezed into a bow, she was surprised by her husband and best friend in her bed joined at the hip with no clothes on. She was unnoticed and could do nothing but run and run she did. Right to her car, forgetting to change into some decent clothes, she sped away only to have a wreck because of ice on the road. Her vehicle, now off the road and without her phone or purse, had to climb back up to the road in her bow, where she slipped, saw headlights, and blacked out. When she awoke, she found herself in a house without lights and learned that she had or would become a vampire.
This tale is close to an official cozy mystery, but it’s not, and it could have been so much more, but the author kept it clean and PG. The world-building left me with fuzzy edges most of the time. The character interaction, especially between the protagonist and husband, was expected and lacking. I don’t know. It just may be me, but once I knew that I could compel people and compel the truth out of them, I would have had a serious game of twenty questions with my cheating spouse and would not have been surprised in the future.
This cleanish read has a lot going for it, but I guess I’m a little more vindictive than the author. I loved the premise but somehow felt let down by the story. Don’t get me wrong, it is a good story but I guess I was in the mood for something much more grittier. With that said, I got what was advertised, which was a G-PG read and it is a good read. I give this read five stars out of five stars.
This tale is close to an official cozy mystery, but it’s not, and it could have been so much more, but the author kept it clean and PG. The world-building left me with fuzzy edges most of the time. The character interaction, especially between the protagonist and husband, was expected and lacking. I don’t know. It just may be me, but once I knew that I could compel people and compel the truth out of them, I would have had a serious game of twenty questions with my cheating spouse and would not have been surprised in the future.
This cleanish read has a lot going for it, but I guess I’m a little more vindictive than the author. I loved the premise but somehow felt let down by the story. Don’t get me wrong, it is a good story but I guess I was in the mood for something much more grittier. With that said, I got what was advertised, which was a G-PG read and it is a good read. I give this read five stars out of five stars.
June 30, 2022
This was a well written story, and entertaining. I admire Rachel's stance on her daughters, and even understand why she was willing to try to make her marriage work after finding her husband in bed with her best friend. I also appreciate that when she found out that the affair was ongoing, she walked away.
I really can't say however that I admire the whole doctor's wife mentality, with constant body issues, Botox, and worry about what the neighbors might say. I kind of agree with Khalan. As far as women's fiction goes, I really wouldn't say this qualifies, much. Rather than celebrating her age, she is fighting it. And the fact that becoming a vampire erased it appears to be the only thing she likes about being turned.
I'm going to read more in the series, because the story is good, but I have to say, I hope Rachel does some growing in the series.
I really can't say however that I admire the whole doctor's wife mentality, with constant body issues, Botox, and worry about what the neighbors might say. I kind of agree with Khalan. As far as women's fiction goes, I really wouldn't say this qualifies, much. Rather than celebrating her age, she is fighting it. And the fact that becoming a vampire erased it appears to be the only thing she likes about being turned.
I'm going to read more in the series, because the story is good, but I have to say, I hope Rachel does some growing in the series.
October 20, 2021
Eh
I wanted to like this, but she was way too wishy-washy about leaving her cheating husband. It made me sick how hopeful she was that he would come back as well as how quickly she was willing to take him back. It took up way too much of the book, even if he did get a public chew out at the end. She's also making a muck of being a vampire. I get it. She's in denial. She can't go on living a normal life with her kids like that!!! I just kept waiting for her to glamor her family and do some awesome vampire secret stuff with smelly dude who turned her. I was also hoping to get a little back story on rouge, stanking vamp man but all we were given was a name .
I wanted to like this, but she was way too wishy-washy about leaving her cheating husband. It made me sick how hopeful she was that he would come back as well as how quickly she was willing to take him back. It took up way too much of the book, even if he did get a public chew out at the end. She's also making a muck of being a vampire. I get it. She's in denial. She can't go on living a normal life with her kids like that!!! I just kept waiting for her to glamor her family and do some awesome vampire secret stuff with smelly dude who turned her. I was also hoping to get a little back story on rouge, stanking vamp man but all we were given was a name .
March 11, 2022
Rachel and Miles have been married for 15 years. It's the night of his birthday and she has a surprise for him. Unfortunately the surprise is on her when she discovers he's been having an affair with her best friend. She runs away and while driving fast goes into a ditch. She struggles out of the car and onto the highway. When she wakes up she's with a man who smells and tells her she's a vampire.Now her life journey is in a different direction with difficult decisions to make.
An entertaining story with heart and a few chuckles.. I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
An entertaining story with heart and a few chuckles.. I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
February 18, 2025
A light-hearted romp through unexpected vampirism as it happens to a middle-class American woman. The story involves the usual feminist tropes of revenge on a worthless, cheating male but it its First Person POV is sufficiently charming for it not to be intrusive. The tale shows the woman reluctantly coming to terms with the fact that she is indeed a vampire and wondering how she can fit this into her roles as a good neighbour and mother.
I was a little disappointed to discover at the end that it was the first in a series, which is a pity as its unlikely I will be following her character development any further.
I was a little disappointed to discover at the end that it was the first in a series, which is a pity as its unlikely I will be following her character development any further.
July 4, 2021
This book is GOOD! Rachel is a loving housewife and mother who has lots of superficial friends. When she discovers her husband cheating on her, she runs from the house. She has an accident and is turned into a vampire. This book is witty and has some funny scenes, but it is also realistic in the dealing with a cheating husband and all the feelings of rage and betrayal that act elicits from the heart. I loved this book and would highly recommend it, you won't be disappointed. I am eager to read the next book in the series.
September 12, 2025
This book pulled me in from the very first chapter and didn’t let go. Jodi Vaughn has a way of writing characters that feel so real you can’t help but get invested in their lives and choices. I found myself caring deeply about what happened to them, which made the twists and turns all the more gripping. The mix of suspense, emotion, and just enough grit made this such a satisfying read. I loved it—and now I’m hooked on Vaughn’s storytelling voice. Highly recommend if you’re after a story that keeps you turning pages while tugging on your heart.
June 30, 2023
I struggled with this book at first, coming very close to putting it down. I found Rachel to be vapid and hypocritical. There was so much about her appearance. As the wife of a doctor I guess there is a certain need to present well, but at 35, she already uses Botox regularly. However, she tells her two girls that appearance is not important. As it continued, I enjoyed the story more but I feel that more could have been made of it.
July 12, 2021
Lipstick and Lies and Deadly Goodbyes
This book was a unique story to read. I really related to Rachel's struggle with her husband's infidelity and the impact it has on the children, friends and life itself. Then add her dilemma of Khalan and what he did to her was really crazy. Loved it.
This book was a unique story to read. I really related to Rachel's struggle with her husband's infidelity and the impact it has on the children, friends and life itself. Then add her dilemma of Khalan and what he did to her was really crazy. Loved it.
December 6, 2021
The Title of the book caught my attention and I was even more pleased that I got it as a free download. A bit of a different spin on the paranormal which is always refreshing. It caught my interest from the first page and even though it seemed a bit repetitive at times it was a fun read. I will definitely get the other books in the series since I am really curious what will happen next.
January 30, 2022
A bit of a different vampire read. I wanted to like it more than I did. It did have some laugh out loud moments with witty banter but the overall story was quite dark. I kept getting annoyed at the main character as she seemed to accept ill treatment from her husband and friends. It took a long time to see any strength of character show through. Not sure I'll read anymore in a hurry.
March 21, 2022
Best Book Ever
I so enjoyed this wonderful book! I truly think that she should have drained her no good husband. The characters were amazing and your writing is phenomenal. I really do think this is the best book ever! My only wish is that it could keep going. Thanks so much. I see you.
I so enjoyed this wonderful book! I truly think that she should have drained her no good husband. The characters were amazing and your writing is phenomenal. I really do think this is the best book ever! My only wish is that it could keep going. Thanks so much. I see you.
June 19, 2020
Wow
Wow! This book was intense! So much gossip and cheating! Why can’t men stay faithful? Why can’t they appreciate what Mothers and children go through when a man cheats? Awesome book
Wow! This book was intense! So much gossip and cheating! Why can’t men stay faithful? Why can’t they appreciate what Mothers and children go through when a man cheats? Awesome book
April 16, 2021
Good read
It was funny. I would have liked to read that Veronica got what was coming to her.
I would recommend for those that like a funny read, vampires, and those that like Jodie's books.
I gave this rating because I felt it was what it deserved.
It was funny. I would have liked to read that Veronica got what was coming to her.
I would recommend for those that like a funny read, vampires, and those that like Jodie's books.
I gave this rating because I felt it was what it deserved.
July 31, 2021
Compelling
I love, love, love this book. The main character's life is turned upside down. She learns who she was and better yet, who she wants to be. Great life lessons just keep popping up. W wonderful book that I read in one airing.
I love, love, love this book. The main character's life is turned upside down. She learns who she was and better yet, who she wants to be. Great life lessons just keep popping up. W wonderful book that I read in one airing.
October 7, 2021
Love it!
Amazing book! Very nice build up of m
ain character in the story. She goes from whiney housewife to a strong independent minded woman. Cant wait to read more books in the series.
Amazing book! Very nice build up of m
ain character in the story. She goes from whiney housewife to a strong independent minded woman. Cant wait to read more books in the series.
October 18, 2021
An engaging story.
Terrible things happen when rush headlong into a snowstorm. Now Rachel can either believe the outrageous story the stranger tells her or figure it all out on her own.
Terrible things happen when rush headlong into a snowstorm. Now Rachel can either believe the outrageous story the stranger tells her or figure it all out on her own.
June 24, 2022
This book was incredibly boring with a writing style my 10 year old could have done better. The premise sounded great but it just did not deliver. Rachel, the MC, is incredibly vain and spends most of the time checking herself out or saying how she knows she's beautiful (even her daughter calls her gorgeous at one point...gag!) The dialogue doesn't fit well and feels too forced, and characters like Khalan just keep randomly turning up and not assisting the story along. Even as a cheesy read I struggled to finish this. 1 and a half ⭐
July 10, 2022
A book I was determined to not like and then I couldn't put it down. Rachel is passionate and brave as she faces her husband's betrayal and the craziness of being turned into a vampire by her "kidnapper".
January 30, 2026
Everything that I needed right now. Learning how to be oneself again after having children is A LOT! But raising those kiddos to be confident and lovely young adults is hard! Doing all of that while learning how to be a vampire?! Yikes!! I can't even imagine!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews