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416 pages, paperback
First published September 25, 2019
Dorothy Mayhem has incredible legs. Not legs for miles like a runway model. Nope. I'm done with those legs, especially since they walked away from me.
When I had sex with Julie for the first time, it started with a kiss that progressed into heavy foreplay that led to my hand sliding down the front of her panties, finding a little nub, and wondering if it was her clit. She stroked me on the outside of my gym shorts so much that it pulled them down a few inches in front. We were a hot mess of teenaged hormones...
She came in my hand before I put my cock in her, and I came two seconds after said cock entered her.
When Julie was evidently experimenting with her new personality, the one she tested a few times with me (unbeknownst to me), she sat naked in bed, back against the headboard, legs spread wide, and she masturbated in front of me. Then she stuck her wet fingers into my mouth and told me to taste her. But never did she suggest either one of us go wash our hands.
Well. That was a first. Even the times I had angry sex with Julie, it wasn't all that angry. More like make-up sex with a bit of attitude.
One night we were making love with so much intensity I felt like a damn virgin, falling in love with this woman all over again. It felt pivotal. Something so out of our ordinary that I knew things would be different.
I used to drive seventy-five... eighty miles per hour with Julie's head in my lap, her mouth on me. Sometimes I had to pull over behind an old building or along an empty trailhead because we just couldn't wait... because we needed each other in every way possible.
The feeling of needing Julie has consumed my entire adult life.
There's no switch to turn off my love for her, all those years of marriage, college, careers, a child... I wonder if I'll ever find a switch, or if I'll simply have to find a brighter life.
No matter how much I hate her, I still love her.
Roman makes me laugh... But it's bittersweet because every time he does something cute or funny, I want to call Julie's name and tell her to come watch him or listen to him repeat it. But Julie isn't here. We are no longer a family unit. And that always steals a tiny piece of joy from the moment.
"Fine. Literally until the moment I stepped onto that elevator with you, I've wanted my life back. I've wanted Julie to wake up and realize what a terrible mistake she made. And maybe that makes me pathetic, but I don't care. I don't regret loving someone so deeply. I don't regret having a child with her. And I don't regret thinking that fifteen years of marriage and a child is worth fighting for until you know without a doubt that there's absolutely no hope."
Julie will ask if I still love her.
And I will say yes.
In spite of everything—the blindsided abandonment, losing my marriage, losing time with Roman, the jagged words—I love Julie Hathaway. For over twenty years, I honestly felt I was put on Earth to love her. It's just that simple...
I spent the year after our divorce hating her to the bone, but somehow still loving her right down to my soul.
"... Because I do... I love you with a part of myself that will always belong only to you."
Julie's fingers trace my erection along the outside of my shorts. I'm clearly turned on, and that's good for us. I just really don't know if it's Julie or memories of Dorothy.
“The spectrum is human. It’s not autism.”
He ordered a large! Nothing chaps me more than people who want to split small and medium pizzas. Leftovers are life. Not that I can’t easily take down half a large pizza. My affection for Dr. Hawkins triples in that moment.
“I don’t mind being me. No one else can do it better.”
It’s funny how a year can change your world. And it’s amazing how a single breath can take a life, give a life, and sometimes … save a life. She is my breath of life.















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“The spectrum is human."
“My brain hurts more than my burnt ass. Warren and Dorothy. Dorothy and emus. Willa is Willow. Willow wants to hump my leg.”
“Being an Aspie isn’t always hot chocolate and marshmallows with rainbow sprinkles. No. Oftentimes it’s showing up to a Star Wars themed party dressed as Mr. Spock, greeting everyone with the Vulcan salute.”
“But I don’t want to be with someone who knows every single part of me. I want to be exciting and new. I want to have a man look at me with curiosity and wonder. I want to keep a part of me for myself. An unsolvable mystery, not a forgone conclusion.”

