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A Love Story #3
Bite Me
The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public.
Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup. 'Cept there's no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue.
Abby wants to be a bloodsucking fiend, too, but right now she's really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there's that vampire cat Chet, who's getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non . . .
Before you can say "OMG! WTF?" Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby's gay Goth friend Jared, and SF's finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that's when the fun really begins.
Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup. 'Cept there's no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue.
Abby wants to be a bloodsucking fiend, too, but right now she's really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there's that vampire cat Chet, who's getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non . . .
Before you can say "OMG! WTF?" Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby's gay Goth friend Jared, and SF's finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that's when the fun really begins.
8 pages, Audible Audio
First published March 23, 2010
563 people are currently reading
12873 people want to read
About the author
Christopher Moore
103 books91.5k followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Christopher Moore is an American writer of absurdist fiction. He grew up in Mansfield, OH, and attended Ohio State University and Brooks Institute of Photography in Santa Barbara, CA.
Moore's novels typically involve conflicted everyman characters suddenly struggling through supernatural or extraordinary circumstances. Inheriting a humanism from his love of John Steinbeck and a sense of the absurd from Kurt Vonnegut, Moore is a best-selling author with major cult status.
Christopher Moore is an American writer of absurdist fiction. He grew up in Mansfield, OH, and attended Ohio State University and Brooks Institute of Photography in Santa Barbara, CA.
Moore's novels typically involve conflicted everyman characters suddenly struggling through supernatural or extraordinary circumstances. Inheriting a humanism from his love of John Steinbeck and a sense of the absurd from Kurt Vonnegut, Moore is a best-selling author with major cult status.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,848 reviews
November 13, 2016
Kind of embarrassing . . . I needed an audiobook to read and found this on Hoopla. Since I have read other Christopher Moore, I figured I would give it a go. Part way through and loving it, I went to add it to "currently reading" on Goodreads and discovered it is book three of a series. I was wondering why the first 20 minutes of it or so seemed like a recap . . .
So, I might go back someday and read the first two, but this one seemed to do pretty good on its own. I enjoyed the characters and the humor. I was fully entertained for the entirety of the book.
I feel I can safely say, even without without having read the first two, that if you like vampire stories and you like humor, you will probably enjoy this.
So, I might go back someday and read the first two, but this one seemed to do pretty good on its own. I enjoyed the characters and the humor. I was fully entertained for the entirety of the book.
I feel I can safely say, even without without having read the first two, that if you like vampire stories and you like humor, you will probably enjoy this.
October 11, 2018
Abby could be one of my favorite characters in literature!
My first exposure to Christopher Moore was Lamb (his irreverent, but funny take on the life of Jesus) and this was my 2nd book by Moore which sealed the deal. It is about Vampires and it is the last in a 3 book series. Still, it was the first one I read. The setting is San Francisco. There are Vampires in the city and Christopher's zany cast of characters abound. I like the emperor with his dogs. They show up in several series.
Abby is a goth girl who can spin the word f*ck more often and more creatively than anyone I've ever seen. I do love a person who can curse with such abandon and so naturally. She is terrible to men. She wants them to lust after her and slaps them for doing so. She is perhaps the funniest character out there. I have read that Christopher is not going to write more stories with her, but I sure wish he would. She is amazing.
Abby works for the Vampires. She hangs out in this cool goth club I would have gone to in my 20s where people dress up like goths and vampires. It's simply brilliant and Christopher Moore is one messed up funny man. I love his stories. His stories also make me wish it was affordable to live in San Francisco as that is one of my favorite places in this world. It's a place so liberal I look like a moderate there. Maybe my next life I can live in San Fran. The city is it's own character in this book. Christopher's work is some of the funniest stuff out there to me. He is irreverent , sarcastic, and nothing is off limits. He pokes fun at everyone. This was my gateway drug into this world.
Since it's the season, I thought I would put in a real review for this some 8 years later.
My first exposure to Christopher Moore was Lamb (his irreverent, but funny take on the life of Jesus) and this was my 2nd book by Moore which sealed the deal. It is about Vampires and it is the last in a 3 book series. Still, it was the first one I read. The setting is San Francisco. There are Vampires in the city and Christopher's zany cast of characters abound. I like the emperor with his dogs. They show up in several series.
Abby is a goth girl who can spin the word f*ck more often and more creatively than anyone I've ever seen. I do love a person who can curse with such abandon and so naturally. She is terrible to men. She wants them to lust after her and slaps them for doing so. She is perhaps the funniest character out there. I have read that Christopher is not going to write more stories with her, but I sure wish he would. She is amazing.
Abby works for the Vampires. She hangs out in this cool goth club I would have gone to in my 20s where people dress up like goths and vampires. It's simply brilliant and Christopher Moore is one messed up funny man. I love his stories. His stories also make me wish it was affordable to live in San Francisco as that is one of my favorite places in this world. It's a place so liberal I look like a moderate there. Maybe my next life I can live in San Fran. The city is it's own character in this book. Christopher's work is some of the funniest stuff out there to me. He is irreverent , sarcastic, and nothing is off limits. He pokes fun at everyone. This was my gateway drug into this world.
Since it's the season, I thought I would put in a real review for this some 8 years later.
January 20, 2012
A monstrous horde of vampire cats stalks the streets of San Francisco and only Abby Normal can save the city... with the help of Tommy Flood, Jody, the Animals, Foo, Jared, Cavuto and Rivera. Will Abby fulfill her lifelong ambition of becoming a creature of the night?
Bite Me is a pretty damn funny book. The chapters written from Abby's point of view were hilarious and Tommy and Jody's relationship progressed to the next step. The supporting characters were also good and Foo Dog's experiments with the vampire rats gave the book a little something extra. I'm also glad Moore threw in Chet the Vampire Cat from the last book as a big part of the story instead of sweeping him under the rug. Rivera and Cavuto, as always, were a joy whenever they made an appearance. And I can't forget about the Emperor of San Francisco.
In short, Bite Me is damn good. It's been too long since my last Moore-gasm. As far as I can tell, Bite Me's only flaw is that it isn't Lamb.
Bite Me is a pretty damn funny book. The chapters written from Abby's point of view were hilarious and Tommy and Jody's relationship progressed to the next step. The supporting characters were also good and Foo Dog's experiments with the vampire rats gave the book a little something extra. I'm also glad Moore threw in Chet the Vampire Cat from the last book as a big part of the story instead of sweeping him under the rug. Rivera and Cavuto, as always, were a joy whenever they made an appearance. And I can't forget about the Emperor of San Francisco.
In short, Bite Me is damn good. It's been too long since my last Moore-gasm. As far as I can tell, Bite Me's only flaw is that it isn't Lamb.
June 25, 2012
I love the cover. And the insults (and pretty much all of the colorful language). And the irreverent, doesn't take itself seriously at all humor. I'll have to read more by Moore.
August 26, 2015
So vampire cats are threatening the city in Moore’s third novel in this series. But all the characters are so focused on the evil kitties that they miss a much more dangerous problem. It seems like the time-space continuum is collapsing in San Francisco. The first book, Bloodsucking Fiends, was written and took place in 1995 and supposedly only three months have elapsed since the events in it. Yet everyone is texting on cell phones, using wireless laptops, blogging, playing X-Box and saying slang like ‘pwned‘. Other than one comment about how Tommy’s flannel shirts and jeans indicated a grunge like fashion sense, no one seems to notice that they lost 15 years somehow. (Yes, I am aware that I’m nitpicking time continuity in a book about vampire cats, but somebody‘s got to do it.)
Despite everyone ignoring the wormhole in time and space that must be forming around them, I did enjoy this third book about the adventures of a couple of love-struck vamps in San Francisco and the bizarre cast of characters that get pulled into the weirdness. I especially like the journal entries of Abby Normal, goth girl, vampire wannabe and emergency back-up mistress of the Greater Bay area.
Chet, the huge shaved cat who was turned into a vamp in the last book, has been running wild and turning strays into an army of bloodsucking felines. Abby, Foo Dog, the Emperor of San Francisco, a couple of cops, and a grocery store night stalking… er, stocking… crew are all that stand between the public and the cat vamps. And at some point, they’ll have to deal with the two vampire lovers that Abby encased in bronze.
In addition to being funnier than hell, Moore also adds a bit of tragedy to the end of this one to give it some unexpected depth.
Despite everyone ignoring the wormhole in time and space that must be forming around them, I did enjoy this third book about the adventures of a couple of love-struck vamps in San Francisco and the bizarre cast of characters that get pulled into the weirdness. I especially like the journal entries of Abby Normal, goth girl, vampire wannabe and emergency back-up mistress of the Greater Bay area.
Chet, the huge shaved cat who was turned into a vamp in the last book, has been running wild and turning strays into an army of bloodsucking felines. Abby, Foo Dog, the Emperor of San Francisco, a couple of cops, and a grocery store night stalking… er, stocking… crew are all that stand between the public and the cat vamps. And at some point, they’ll have to deal with the two vampire lovers that Abby encased in bronze.
In addition to being funnier than hell, Moore also adds a bit of tragedy to the end of this one to give it some unexpected depth.
April 6, 2010
While I absolutely love Abby Normal, and was very excited to have another tale narrated almost entirely by her, this did not quite live up to the standard set by 'You Suck'.
Was it funny as fuck? Of course. All Christopher Moore novels are. Did it feature a lot of well loved familiar faces? Certainly. Could it slap the crap out of 'Twilight' and leave it crying like the little bitch that it is, on the playground after school? You bet my sweet shapely behind it could.
But, something about this just fell short. And I think that might be because it was...too short. A lot happens in this book to really tie up all of the loose ends in the saga of Tommy and Jody (and Elijah and Abby and Jared and Foo and the Animals), but it all happens perhaps a little too quickly and easily in 310 approximately 5x7" pages. And despite my great love for her, the major shortcoming of the story may actually be that so much of it was Abby. Moore would have done well to spend more time with Chet, perpetrator of the vampyre kitty pandemic. Why didn't we get more scenes with Chet trying to hump things? Wasn't that supposed to be the love story bit?
Was it funny as fuck? Of course. All Christopher Moore novels are. Did it feature a lot of well loved familiar faces? Certainly. Could it slap the crap out of 'Twilight' and leave it crying like the little bitch that it is, on the playground after school? You bet my sweet shapely behind it could.
But, something about this just fell short. And I think that might be because it was...too short. A lot happens in this book to really tie up all of the loose ends in the saga of Tommy and Jody (and Elijah and Abby and Jared and Foo and the Animals), but it all happens perhaps a little too quickly and easily in 310 approximately 5x7" pages. And despite my great love for her, the major shortcoming of the story may actually be that so much of it was Abby. Moore would have done well to spend more time with Chet, perpetrator of the vampyre kitty pandemic. Why didn't we get more scenes with Chet trying to hump things? Wasn't that supposed to be the love story bit?
May 18, 2012
The third book in Christopher Moore's Love Story trilogy is on par with the second, You Suck but not as good as the first, Bloodsucking Fiends. But let's explore the really cool parts of this novel...
1) Vampire Kitties. (awwww!)
2) The "ewwww!" factor: OK, so vampire kitties are cute but as my father would say, "The problem with kittens is they grow up to be cats." One of the great things about the author is he can go from "awwww!" to "ewwww!" in the same paragraph. So you may think vampire kitties are cute. What about a huge vampire cat spooning humans? Thought so.
3. The Emperor: He should have his own book aside from being a minor character in almost every Moore novel that isn't about Pine Cove.
4. Bummer and Lazarus: Moore must have a real affinity with dogs. He gets their personalities so right. Bummer is a hypermanic Boston Terrier whose dialogue goes something like this: "Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat! Murder! Pain! Evil! Cat! Bite! Bite! Bite!" while Lazarus the golden retriever says "We should get out of this neighborhood, maybe go to North Beach and see if anyone dropped a beef jerky. Or we can stay and die. Whatever. I'm good with it."
5. The saga of Tommy and Jody remains the ultimate vampire love story. Some reviewers have likened them to Romeo and Juliet. But I would say it is more like Women in Love if D. H. Lawrence had any sense of humor whatsoever.
6. The San Francisco setting: Any novel set in San Francisco gets extra points from me.
The not-so-cool parts.
1. Vampire rats. Yuck!
2. Abby Normal: I loved Abby in You Suck. However, Moore made the dubious decision to let Abagail Von Normal carry the bulk of the narration. Valley Girlish speak gets really annoying page after page. BTW, I grew up in The Valley and my friends and I never spoke like that. Ten years later Valley Speak is all "Gnarley, Man, "Gag me with a spoon", "Later, Dude". How does language change so quickly? From this book, I'm assuming that San Francisco Goth girls are simply Valley Girls with better drugs.
3. The Gay Jokes: OK, it's San Francisco. But how many times can we hear gay jokes without saying, "Christopher, give it a break!"
4. Still, too many characters and not enough for them to do. The Animals night crew and the detectives are an afterthought in this book.
5. No turkey bowling.
Bite Me is still hilarious and Moore's madcap humor reigns but I'm glad he ended this trilogy here and ended it well. Three and a half stars.
1) Vampire Kitties. (awwww!)
2) The "ewwww!" factor: OK, so vampire kitties are cute but as my father would say, "The problem with kittens is they grow up to be cats." One of the great things about the author is he can go from "awwww!" to "ewwww!" in the same paragraph. So you may think vampire kitties are cute. What about a huge vampire cat spooning humans? Thought so.
3. The Emperor: He should have his own book aside from being a minor character in almost every Moore novel that isn't about Pine Cove.
4. Bummer and Lazarus: Moore must have a real affinity with dogs. He gets their personalities so right. Bummer is a hypermanic Boston Terrier whose dialogue goes something like this: "Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat! Murder! Pain! Evil! Cat! Bite! Bite! Bite!" while Lazarus the golden retriever says "We should get out of this neighborhood, maybe go to North Beach and see if anyone dropped a beef jerky. Or we can stay and die. Whatever. I'm good with it."
5. The saga of Tommy and Jody remains the ultimate vampire love story. Some reviewers have likened them to Romeo and Juliet. But I would say it is more like Women in Love if D. H. Lawrence had any sense of humor whatsoever.
6. The San Francisco setting: Any novel set in San Francisco gets extra points from me.
The not-so-cool parts.
1. Vampire rats. Yuck!
2. Abby Normal: I loved Abby in You Suck. However, Moore made the dubious decision to let Abagail Von Normal carry the bulk of the narration. Valley Girlish speak gets really annoying page after page. BTW, I grew up in The Valley and my friends and I never spoke like that. Ten years later Valley Speak is all "Gnarley, Man, "Gag me with a spoon", "Later, Dude". How does language change so quickly? From this book, I'm assuming that San Francisco Goth girls are simply Valley Girls with better drugs.
3. The Gay Jokes: OK, it's San Francisco. But how many times can we hear gay jokes without saying, "Christopher, give it a break!"
4. Still, too many characters and not enough for them to do. The Animals night crew and the detectives are an afterthought in this book.
5. No turkey bowling.
Bite Me is still hilarious and Moore's madcap humor reigns but I'm glad he ended this trilogy here and ended it well. Three and a half stars.
Read
February 28, 2010Jackie says:
Forget Stephanie Meyer, THESE are the vampires you want to hang out with because they will make you laugh constantly. This is a fang-filled, free-for-all festival of sex, vampire cats, fringe science and teenage minion angst. It picks up where "You Suck" left off without missing a beat and it is of course full of Moore's stylistic raunchy humor that has made him a superstar to the slightly twisted reader like myself. FANGtastic read with a surprise ending--don't miss it!
Forget Stephanie Meyer, THESE are the vampires you want to hang out with because they will make you laugh constantly. This is a fang-filled, free-for-all festival of sex, vampire cats, fringe science and teenage minion angst. It picks up where "You Suck" left off without missing a beat and it is of course full of Moore's stylistic raunchy humor that has made him a superstar to the slightly twisted reader like myself. FANGtastic read with a surprise ending--don't miss it!
April 5, 2013
Quick review:
Cover: Fitting
Rating: NC-17
Steaminess: Steam
Thumbs Up: 3
Overall: Disappointed with the ending
Characters: Well written
Plot: Save the city at all cost
Page Turner: Yes
Series Cont.? Series Ender
Recommend: Yes
Book Boyfriend: Tommy
SUMMARY (50 words or less)
I’ve enjoyed this series and for the most part I enjoyed this installment. I wasn’t pleased with the beginning or end. But the middle had me laughing at that was what I was looking for. The silliness continued, so much for that. The ending was not what the title suggests.
For a full review and yummy pic, see my blog post at:
http://mybookboyfriend.blogspot.com/2...
Audio Review
Susan Bennett continued to carry this series. She’s an amazing narrator and actress. She pulled off voices keeping everyone with differences with ease.
Cover: Fitting
Rating: NC-17
Steaminess: Steam
Thumbs Up: 3
Overall: Disappointed with the ending
Characters: Well written
Plot: Save the city at all cost
Page Turner: Yes
Series Cont.? Series Ender
Recommend: Yes
Book Boyfriend: Tommy
SUMMARY (50 words or less)
I’ve enjoyed this series and for the most part I enjoyed this installment. I wasn’t pleased with the beginning or end. But the middle had me laughing at that was what I was looking for. The silliness continued, so much for that. The ending was not what the title suggests.
For a full review and yummy pic, see my blog post at:
http://mybookboyfriend.blogspot.com/2...
Audio Review
Susan Bennett continued to carry this series. She’s an amazing narrator and actress. She pulled off voices keeping everyone with differences with ease.
May 26, 2010
As the third book in this series, Bite Me, simply does not live up to the standards set by its predecessors. A considerable chunk of the character's time is spent trying to find one another, Jody trying to find Tommy, Tommy trying to find Jody, Abby trying to find either or both of them. This does little to enhance the plot and seems to be used more as a device to show the passage of time. When they finally did find one another, the characters were flat and boring. I missed the banter that left me laughing out loud in the previous novels. I was disappointed by the lack of interaction between the main characters as well as the lack of time spent with minor, but interesting, characters like the Animals and the Emperor. These characters had been points of hilarity and insanity earlier in the series, but, in this book, seem tired and bored. Overall I was disappointed to see the series end this way. If you are a fan of Christopher Moore, then by all means, venture into this book in order to see how the characters fare. But, if you are choosing just one of his books to try, may I recommend Lamb or A Dirty Job instead. Either of these novels will show Moore in a much better light.
April 23, 2010
I heart Abby Normal (which of course is not her real name but the one she gave herself after watching "Young Frankenstein") However, she is the most bad-ass teenager that has ever been turned into a Nossssss-fratu as well as the most comical of them all. Why do I like her so much, well let me give you a glimpse into her crazy goth, emo, punk rock head:
I came leaping out into the living area, my claws ready to rend flesh and kick ass.
And I was all, "Rawr!"
And who do I see there but the vampyre Flood, my most recently escaped master gone mad, who has never even seen me in this outfit, let alone as a vamp.
So I was all "Rawr! Fear Me!"
And he was all, "That's not a thing. Saying "rawr" is not a vampyre thing."
And I'm like, "It is too. I'm totally showing my animal power and fierceness."
Of course the argument goes on from there until Abby has exhausted Flood and he's all like fine you win because you know what, Abby always wins. She's witty, hilarious and ok maybe a bit annoying, but you know what that's why I like her. Plus, her most awesome-haired mad scientist love interest "The Notorious Foo Dog" is awesome in his own way because he is able to put up with her and actually even likes her crazy ways, but probably wouldn't admit it to anyone ever.
However, to understand the bigger picture and how Abigail Von Normal, Emergency Backup Mistress of the Greater Bay Area fits in, you should probably start at the beginning with Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story then read You Suck before even thinking about picking up this lovely lively tale, but that's just my personal opinion and you don't have to listen to me if you don't want to.
I came leaping out into the living area, my claws ready to rend flesh and kick ass.
And I was all, "Rawr!"
And who do I see there but the vampyre Flood, my most recently escaped master gone mad, who has never even seen me in this outfit, let alone as a vamp.
So I was all "Rawr! Fear Me!"
And he was all, "That's not a thing. Saying "rawr" is not a vampyre thing."
And I'm like, "It is too. I'm totally showing my animal power and fierceness."
Of course the argument goes on from there until Abby has exhausted Flood and he's all like fine you win because you know what, Abby always wins. She's witty, hilarious and ok maybe a bit annoying, but you know what that's why I like her. Plus, her most awesome-haired mad scientist love interest "The Notorious Foo Dog" is awesome in his own way because he is able to put up with her and actually even likes her crazy ways, but probably wouldn't admit it to anyone ever.
However, to understand the bigger picture and how Abigail Von Normal, Emergency Backup Mistress of the Greater Bay Area fits in, you should probably start at the beginning with Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story then read You Suck before even thinking about picking up this lovely lively tale, but that's just my personal opinion and you don't have to listen to me if you don't want to.
November 14, 2023
Es war originell und witzig.
Leider hatte Christopher Moore aber auch wieder sein typisches Problem mit der Dosierung.
Viel hilft nicht viel.
"Du magst es süß? Wieviel Tee darf ich dir in deine Tasse Zucker geben?
So wird das nix. "Originell" ist ein sensibles Pflänzchen. Vielleicht wäre die Rechnung mit der schnodderigen Sprache von Fräulein Tourette aufgegangen, wenn dieser Gag nicht für drei Bücher hätte reichen müssen.
Des ganzen Gebeißes und Gebalges über wünschte ich mir schlussendlich bloß noch, dass es bald vorbei sei.
Ich brauche jetzt erstmal eine humorfreie Lesephase.
Leider hatte Christopher Moore aber auch wieder sein typisches Problem mit der Dosierung.
Viel hilft nicht viel.
"Du magst es süß? Wieviel Tee darf ich dir in deine Tasse Zucker geben?
So wird das nix. "Originell" ist ein sensibles Pflänzchen. Vielleicht wäre die Rechnung mit der schnodderigen Sprache von Fräulein Tourette aufgegangen, wenn dieser Gag nicht für drei Bücher hätte reichen müssen.
Des ganzen Gebeißes und Gebalges über wünschte ich mir schlussendlich bloß noch, dass es bald vorbei sei.
Ich brauche jetzt erstmal eine humorfreie Lesephase.
July 31, 2025
Favorite book of the three! Abby Normal is such a hilarious character. It was fun having all the side kick characters run this story. The relationships between Abby and Tommy and then between Jody and Okata had real heart especially Jody and Okata!
July 12, 2010
Okay let's be really honest here. Why the fuck do I read Christopher Moore? They are reasonably mediocre. I mean they aren't bad, but they certainly aren't very good either. Basically as I said to someone when I began this book. Moore is the stupid version of Tom Robbins. My problem here is not even that I eventually read him, I mean I periodically read a kathy reichs book or a terry pratchett, but that a new book comes out and I literally jump on it. I stopped reading palahniuk when he stopped giving back, I put of Currie and Pernice till they came out in paperback and both are better writers. I mean I borrowed this from the store, last time I did that was god is not great by christopher hitchens, really what am I thinking.
Regardless, this is a fine book, you could sit down and read it in an afternoon, or if you are me you could choose to play solitare on your phone instead of reading it and make it take a good deal longer. Your last option is of course to read stephen batchelor's new book instead, I think it is probably what I should have done.
Looking over his website I may have found the problem
"19) Do you do a lot of rewriting?
Almost none, and I've been fortunate that my editors have liked what I turned in. I did rewrite some of the beginning of Love Nun and Coyote Blue because the main characters were sort of harsh. These are both redemption stories where the main character would go through a major change as the story went on, I tended to overwrite the negative, which made the characters hard to sympathize with in the beginning. With the exception of copy editing (spelling and stuff) most of my books have gone into print almost as the first draft. My editors have asked me to change perhaps four lines per book. I think this is due to the fact that I write so slowly. If I were writing a first draft in a month like some authors do, I'd be doing a ton of rewriting. Method has a lot to do with my lack of rewriting--and what's a draft anymore anyway? With word processing you back out so many phrases that might have ended up in a draft in the days of type writers."
Regardless, this is a fine book, you could sit down and read it in an afternoon, or if you are me you could choose to play solitare on your phone instead of reading it and make it take a good deal longer. Your last option is of course to read stephen batchelor's new book instead, I think it is probably what I should have done.
Looking over his website I may have found the problem
"19) Do you do a lot of rewriting?
Almost none, and I've been fortunate that my editors have liked what I turned in. I did rewrite some of the beginning of Love Nun and Coyote Blue because the main characters were sort of harsh. These are both redemption stories where the main character would go through a major change as the story went on, I tended to overwrite the negative, which made the characters hard to sympathize with in the beginning. With the exception of copy editing (spelling and stuff) most of my books have gone into print almost as the first draft. My editors have asked me to change perhaps four lines per book. I think this is due to the fact that I write so slowly. If I were writing a first draft in a month like some authors do, I'd be doing a ton of rewriting. Method has a lot to do with my lack of rewriting--and what's a draft anymore anyway? With word processing you back out so many phrases that might have ended up in a draft in the days of type writers."
June 28, 2010
Where do I start? I have not laughed so hard since I read the first book in the series, Bloodsucking Fiends. I hadn't even realized that Bite Me was part of a trilogy and that this was the third book in the series. It really didn't matter that I read the books out of order.
What makes this book special is the attention to all of the zany, eccentric, and absolutely crazy characters. You have humans, and all sorts of vampires -- vampire cats, rats, and parrots. The humans in Bite Me include a homeless man that calls himself the Emperor of San Francisco, 2 police officers, and the Animals who work the night shift restocking the local Safeway. Special mention goes to Abigail von Normal or Abby Normal, a teenage nosferatu wannabe. Most of the book is told from her point of view, in her chronicles.
There are plenty of vampires to keep us entertained. Chet the shaved vampire cat is a force to be reckoned with. Because of Chet, there are hordes of vampire kitties stalking and killing in the streets of San Francisco. There are even vampire parrots, but they were not smart enough to stay out of the sun, so they burned up. Abby's boyfriend, Steve, experiments and creates a lot of vampire rats. Mayhem ensues... and there are new uses for shop/vacs.
Christopher Moore's writing style is witty, understated, comical and fun. He varies the point of view, putting the reader into each character's mind, with hilarious results. He captures Abby's teen-speak very well. Chapter 2 was completely unexpected, a test on Chapter 1.
I recommend this book to anyone who needs some comic relief and vampires in one book. It's a lot of fun.
What makes this book special is the attention to all of the zany, eccentric, and absolutely crazy characters. You have humans, and all sorts of vampires -- vampire cats, rats, and parrots. The humans in Bite Me include a homeless man that calls himself the Emperor of San Francisco, 2 police officers, and the Animals who work the night shift restocking the local Safeway. Special mention goes to Abigail von Normal or Abby Normal, a teenage nosferatu wannabe. Most of the book is told from her point of view, in her chronicles.
There are plenty of vampires to keep us entertained. Chet the shaved vampire cat is a force to be reckoned with. Because of Chet, there are hordes of vampire kitties stalking and killing in the streets of San Francisco. There are even vampire parrots, but they were not smart enough to stay out of the sun, so they burned up. Abby's boyfriend, Steve, experiments and creates a lot of vampire rats. Mayhem ensues... and there are new uses for shop/vacs.
Christopher Moore's writing style is witty, understated, comical and fun. He varies the point of view, putting the reader into each character's mind, with hilarious results. He captures Abby's teen-speak very well. Chapter 2 was completely unexpected, a test on Chapter 1.
I recommend this book to anyone who needs some comic relief and vampires in one book. It's a lot of fun.
January 27, 2013
I picked this up (not realizing that it was book #3 in a series) because I have always liked Moore's wicked use of ironic humor. Still it took me a while to get into the text. He does a rapid fire synopsis of "all that went before" in the voice of one protagonist, a teenage girl who does a cross between valley-girl speak ("kayso I was all like...") and chat speak (Tnx L8rz bi) that was hard to read. I think the biggest obstacle to smooth flow of the storyline was that Moore switches voices constantly between Abby, the teen vampire wannabe, and the geek she is having sex with, as well as the supporting characters. I think if I had read the other 2 prequels I might have had more investment in these characters. Unfortunately by the time I got the rhythm of the shifting voices, the book was over. I did like the homeless guy who styled himself "Emperor of San Francisco"--a nice nod to the Emperor Norton there. But I am unlikely to pick up the first 2 books in this series at this point.
If you are unfamiliar with Moore's work, I advise picking up The Stupidest Angel or Fool instead. Much better reads
If you are unfamiliar with Moore's work, I advise picking up The Stupidest Angel or Fool instead. Much better reads
August 1, 2013
I tried really hard to like this book, because pretty much all the reviews for it rave about how good and funny it is...but I couldn't even finish it. Not even half of it, honestly, and that's not something that ever happens to me with books; I always try to finish them to see if they get better near the end. I just couldn't with this; I couldn't stand it. This book was not good at all. I absolutely hated the writing style; it made me want to claw my own eyes out, and I found myself so annoyed after reading it (I read before bed) that it was hard to sleep. While with most books I 'crave' them and look forward to reading at night, with this I dreaded it until I finally gave up on trying. The best way I can describe this is 'drivel'. It's not funny, it's not smart, it's immature and grating...and I have LIKED Christopher Moore books in the past! It was so annoying to read, I couldn't find a decent plot anywhere and I could neither identify with the characters nor could I find any reason I would ever desire to. I don't understand why this book has such high acclaim. In my opinion, it doesn't deserve it at all.
February 22, 2015
OK, I started the series on book three. Luckily it works as a stand alone. At first I found the language really anoying and was close to abandoning it. But it was funny and snarky so I stuck with it and was happy that I did. I was a bit confused by the changes in perspective, it jumps between a third person narrative and a first person blog, but once you get used to it it works alright. I'm now starting book two, I figured I'd read the series in reverse.
September 29, 2014
So... or should I say "'kayso" I didn't actually finish reading this book and I don't intend to. Usually I like a good fun vampire book, but this one was just not good or fun.
July 16, 2010
For Halloween this year, I went as a bad standup-comedian vampire. I wrote some jokes that followed typical standup subject matter but entirely without punch lines. My style was Steven Wright minus the payoff. I dressed as a vampire, wore realistic fangs, too, and performed the routine at two parties with a plant in the audience each time directed to shout, after four jokes, “You suck!!!”
I killed.
Hahahah. Well, I kill me, anyway.
So a while back a friend loaned me the novel, You Suck because he said it was hilarious. When I realized it was part two of a trilogy, the OCD completist in me couldn’t read it without buying part one Bloodsucking Fiends and part three Bite Me . This review will cover all three installments.
All three books have a delightfully whimsical, campy quality. Occasionally, there are moments of pseudo-profound introspection, but these are some of the least satisfying elements in the books. The Vampire Trilogy, as Moore calls it, at its finest puts a few hilarious characters in embarrassing situations. And he’s got some brilliant lines sprinkled throughout to season the meal.
Bloodsucking Fiends is by far the least funny and least satisfying of the three. I would describe it as fun without being all that funny. There were several plot twists, especially toward the end, that were quite unconvincing. I also found one of the two main characters, the 19-year old writer wannabe, to be rather annoying and far too naïve-country-boy-comes-to-big-city while the other main character was a bit too bland. Nonetheless, Moore sustained my interest through a barreling plot and amusing characters. I was definitely a bit disappointed and almost didn’t continue, but the OCD side took control, and I’m glad it did.
You Suck upped the hilarity quotient exceedingly through the introduction of two characters of comedic brilliance, the sick-and-twisted, uber-snarky goth girl Abby Normal (I wonder if Moore stole that name from Young Frankenstein. Or more accurately, did the character steal it because her “real” name is Allison Green while Abigail von Normal is her goth name) and her gay goth bff Jared. Apparently, Abby has a small role in one of Moore’s other novels, but she becomes much more significant in You Suck , and Bite Me is really more of her novel than the two hero vampires, Tommy and Jody. Good call, I say. because she is way damn funnier and smarter than either of them. She really steals the show with her wit and attitude. I could read Abby Normal all day.
I wouldn’t be surprised to see these novels as movies some day. The late-shift supermarket stockers/vampire-hunting stoners featured practically beg for a screenplay to be written for them. And surely some starlet needs to be Abby Normal in order to break from her goody-two-shoes casting. And plus … vampires. Nobody’s done a good vampire comedy since Love at First … okay, since ever. This could work.
Occasionally, the plot seems to get away from Moore and it requires more exposition than it should, but when he focuses on character, the story kills. Overall, worth reading … good comedy is bloody hard to do.
I killed.
Hahahah. Well, I kill me, anyway.
So a while back a friend loaned me the novel, You Suck because he said it was hilarious. When I realized it was part two of a trilogy, the OCD completist in me couldn’t read it without buying part one Bloodsucking Fiends and part three Bite Me . This review will cover all three installments.
All three books have a delightfully whimsical, campy quality. Occasionally, there are moments of pseudo-profound introspection, but these are some of the least satisfying elements in the books. The Vampire Trilogy, as Moore calls it, at its finest puts a few hilarious characters in embarrassing situations. And he’s got some brilliant lines sprinkled throughout to season the meal.
Bloodsucking Fiends is by far the least funny and least satisfying of the three. I would describe it as fun without being all that funny. There were several plot twists, especially toward the end, that were quite unconvincing. I also found one of the two main characters, the 19-year old writer wannabe, to be rather annoying and far too naïve-country-boy-comes-to-big-city while the other main character was a bit too bland. Nonetheless, Moore sustained my interest through a barreling plot and amusing characters. I was definitely a bit disappointed and almost didn’t continue, but the OCD side took control, and I’m glad it did.
You Suck upped the hilarity quotient exceedingly through the introduction of two characters of comedic brilliance, the sick-and-twisted, uber-snarky goth girl Abby Normal (I wonder if Moore stole that name from Young Frankenstein. Or more accurately, did the character steal it because her “real” name is Allison Green while Abigail von Normal is her goth name) and her gay goth bff Jared. Apparently, Abby has a small role in one of Moore’s other novels, but she becomes much more significant in You Suck , and Bite Me is really more of her novel than the two hero vampires, Tommy and Jody. Good call, I say. because she is way damn funnier and smarter than either of them. She really steals the show with her wit and attitude. I could read Abby Normal all day.
I wouldn’t be surprised to see these novels as movies some day. The late-shift supermarket stockers/vampire-hunting stoners featured practically beg for a screenplay to be written for them. And surely some starlet needs to be Abby Normal in order to break from her goody-two-shoes casting. And plus … vampires. Nobody’s done a good vampire comedy since Love at First … okay, since ever. This could work.
Occasionally, the plot seems to get away from Moore and it requires more exposition than it should, but when he focuses on character, the story kills. Overall, worth reading … good comedy is bloody hard to do.
August 26, 2015
Previously, on Ben’s reviews…
And now, the conclusion…
Well, I did it. I read Bite Me, because I am a sucker (gaaaaaah, vampire puns again) for punishment. And also I like my trilogies like I like my modifiers: undangling.
So, we pick up with Thomas and Jody bronzed and Abby as our viewpoint protagonist for much of the book. Eventually Thomas and Jody escape, or get released accidentally, and the book follows them for a bit too. So it alternates between Abby’s annoying first-person narration (I love Abby, hate her narrative voice) and a third-person narrator.
This book is actually the best of the trilogy.
Better yet, I can tell you why.
With the convergent plots of Chet the Vampire Cat and Elijah’s child vampires cleaning up this mess in San Francisco, Christopher Moore doesn’t have as much time to make stupid, unfunny jokes at the expense of women and minorities. They are still present, but their quantity is greatly reduced, and they tend to be sandwiched in between more important bits. This is a sharp contrast to the previous two books, which seemed mostly to comprise such jokes strung together with the remnants of what once was a plot.
Bite Me’s story is actually good and, in some parts, fairly intense. Elijah’s children want to eliminate anyone who knows about vampires. That’s basically the entire cast from the previous two books. Meanwhile, Steve discovers that people turned by anyone other than Elijah (the “prime” vampire) don’t last long. This is bad news for Abby, who turns herself into a vampire by injecting blood from a rat (you don’t want to know how the rat became a vampire).
So it’s pretty much chaos in San Francisco, and there is a lot going on, and it gets very confusing at times. Nevertheless, I enjoyed a good deal of it. The characters always have something to do—and because they have something to do, Moore can’t spend pages reflecting on how Jody’s vampiric state will impact her continual disappointment of her mother or her need to lose five pounds. It’s win–win.
I only wish Moore had introduced Elijah’s children in the first book. We get hints that there are other vampires in the world, and then of course they show up at the very end of You Suck. But there is a rich backstory to this world that Moore doesn’t reveal; I can’t help but wonder if it is more interesting than what we get in these three books.
This has been a long journey, and it’s not one I would want to take again or recommend someone retrace. Bite Me might tickle vampire fans. In general, though, these are not the Moore books that I want people reading. Their humour does not work for me. Moore relies on stereotypes, clichés, and generally very lazy types of humour. The result is occasionally, almost accidentally, funny, in the style of the brain-dead sitcoms of network television. But it lacks the literary comedy that I so value in some of Moore’s other work.
… the characterization of the two protagonists is much improved. The other characters? Not so much….
Fridging women is not OK. Joking about fridging dead whores is also not OK.
Yes, this entire book is a sitcom about moving to the apartment down the block.
And now, the conclusion…
Well, I did it. I read Bite Me, because I am a sucker (gaaaaaah, vampire puns again) for punishment. And also I like my trilogies like I like my modifiers: undangling.
So, we pick up with Thomas and Jody bronzed and Abby as our viewpoint protagonist for much of the book. Eventually Thomas and Jody escape, or get released accidentally, and the book follows them for a bit too. So it alternates between Abby’s annoying first-person narration (I love Abby, hate her narrative voice) and a third-person narrator.
This book is actually the best of the trilogy.
Better yet, I can tell you why.
With the convergent plots of Chet the Vampire Cat and Elijah’s child vampires cleaning up this mess in San Francisco, Christopher Moore doesn’t have as much time to make stupid, unfunny jokes at the expense of women and minorities. They are still present, but their quantity is greatly reduced, and they tend to be sandwiched in between more important bits. This is a sharp contrast to the previous two books, which seemed mostly to comprise such jokes strung together with the remnants of what once was a plot.
Bite Me’s story is actually good and, in some parts, fairly intense. Elijah’s children want to eliminate anyone who knows about vampires. That’s basically the entire cast from the previous two books. Meanwhile, Steve discovers that people turned by anyone other than Elijah (the “prime” vampire) don’t last long. This is bad news for Abby, who turns herself into a vampire by injecting blood from a rat (you don’t want to know how the rat became a vampire).
So it’s pretty much chaos in San Francisco, and there is a lot going on, and it gets very confusing at times. Nevertheless, I enjoyed a good deal of it. The characters always have something to do—and because they have something to do, Moore can’t spend pages reflecting on how Jody’s vampiric state will impact her continual disappointment of her mother or her need to lose five pounds. It’s win–win.
I only wish Moore had introduced Elijah’s children in the first book. We get hints that there are other vampires in the world, and then of course they show up at the very end of You Suck. But there is a rich backstory to this world that Moore doesn’t reveal; I can’t help but wonder if it is more interesting than what we get in these three books.
This has been a long journey, and it’s not one I would want to take again or recommend someone retrace. Bite Me might tickle vampire fans. In general, though, these are not the Moore books that I want people reading. Their humour does not work for me. Moore relies on stereotypes, clichés, and generally very lazy types of humour. The result is occasionally, almost accidentally, funny, in the style of the brain-dead sitcoms of network television. But it lacks the literary comedy that I so value in some of Moore’s other work.
January 17, 2010
Forget Stephanie Meyer, THESE are the vampires you want to hang out with because they will make you laugh constantly. This is a fang-filled, free-for-all festival of sex, vampire cats, fringe science and teenage minion angst. It picks up where "You Suck" left off without missing a beat and it is of course full of Moore's stylistic raunchy humor that has made him a superstar to the slightly twisted reader like myself. FANGtastic read with a surprise ending--don't miss it!
January 14, 2015
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.Nope.Nope.
Así no se termina una historia. Si Abby no fuera una pesada a lo mejor me gustaba un poco más.
Nope.
Nope.Nope.Nope.
Así no se termina una historia. Si Abby no fuera una pesada a lo mejor me gustaba un poco más.
January 12, 2018
This book is rip-roarin' hilarious!
A *must read* for fans of Christopher Moore.
A *must read* for fans of Christopher Moore.
May 26, 2010
When we last saw Jody and Tommy, the star crossed vampire lovers of author Christopher Moore, they'd just defeated a vampire queen and had been encased in bronze after being told to leave the city. They'd also transformed their cat Chet into a vampire.
"Bite Me" picks up where the last installment left off, though Moore seems to have forgotten that while he and the world have aged, the story should still be set in less modern times when various characters don't have things like X-Boxes. (It's a minor quibble, but still one that nags at this reader).
This time, minion Abby Normal is still pining to be made immortal and will do whatever it takes to become a creature of the night. Oh and she's failing biology at school. Meanwhile, Chet is creating problems around San Francisco, transforming cats into an army of vampire cats that feeds on the homeless population of the city. And there's an army of vampire rats that can transform into cloud form that may also get loose.
In a day and age where vampire stories are all the rage, Moore's third installment in the series skillfully mines the genre tropes for humor and satire. And while we get the usual amount of Moore camoes and crossovers, I still can't help feeling that "Bite Me" was a bit too unfocused and not nearly as enjoyable as the first two installments. Jody and Flood are moved off stage and only minor players in the story, while Abby Normal is elevated to a star in the story, much to the detriment of things. Abby works better as a supporting character and giving her her own major plot threat stretches her jokes and humor a bit thin.
"Bite Me" picks up where the last installment left off, though Moore seems to have forgotten that while he and the world have aged, the story should still be set in less modern times when various characters don't have things like X-Boxes. (It's a minor quibble, but still one that nags at this reader).
This time, minion Abby Normal is still pining to be made immortal and will do whatever it takes to become a creature of the night. Oh and she's failing biology at school. Meanwhile, Chet is creating problems around San Francisco, transforming cats into an army of vampire cats that feeds on the homeless population of the city. And there's an army of vampire rats that can transform into cloud form that may also get loose.
In a day and age where vampire stories are all the rage, Moore's third installment in the series skillfully mines the genre tropes for humor and satire. And while we get the usual amount of Moore camoes and crossovers, I still can't help feeling that "Bite Me" was a bit too unfocused and not nearly as enjoyable as the first two installments. Jody and Flood are moved off stage and only minor players in the story, while Abby Normal is elevated to a star in the story, much to the detriment of things. Abby works better as a supporting character and giving her her own major plot threat stretches her jokes and humor a bit thin.
December 19, 2010
I meant to write a review for this at the time of finishing but it skipped my mind so I hope I can remember enough to explain my feelings.
I guess that is a good introduction to my thoughts on this book. I barely remember it and it's only been a week. I love Cristopher Moore. I am grateful for his books, for his style and characters and darkly sarcastic humor. This book seems to conclude Moore's vampire trilogy, a series that started out so much better than it finished.
The main narrator of this book is an annoying girl. Annoying as all hell. Maybe this was intentional but it did not work for me. I could go into detail but to keep it simple, I found Abby's voice to be extremely difficult to read through. I enjoyed most of the other characters and since so little time was spent with these other characters, this was a problem for me. I wanted more time with Jody, Tommy, and the Animals. Oh, I must also mention how much I loved Jody's sword-weilding rescuer.
Parts of the ending worked for me and parts did not. I am not quite sure what to rate this. I feel as though I have a messed up sense of loyalty for Moore, someone who I will continue to follow and read based solely on his other works.
I guess that is a good introduction to my thoughts on this book. I barely remember it and it's only been a week. I love Cristopher Moore. I am grateful for his books, for his style and characters and darkly sarcastic humor. This book seems to conclude Moore's vampire trilogy, a series that started out so much better than it finished.
The main narrator of this book is an annoying girl. Annoying as all hell. Maybe this was intentional but it did not work for me. I could go into detail but to keep it simple, I found Abby's voice to be extremely difficult to read through. I enjoyed most of the other characters and since so little time was spent with these other characters, this was a problem for me. I wanted more time with Jody, Tommy, and the Animals. Oh, I must also mention how much I loved Jody's sword-weilding rescuer.
Parts of the ending worked for me and parts did not. I am not quite sure what to rate this. I feel as though I have a messed up sense of loyalty for Moore, someone who I will continue to follow and read based solely on his other works.
July 3, 2010
Classic Christopher Moore,For those of you that have not had the pleasure, Classic Christopher Moore = Laugh out loud funny/campy/and at times (more othen then most red-blooded men will admit)very touching. If you can find fault in this book or any one (Even Fluke)of his books you really need to lighten up, life is short so, Laugh Damn It Laugh. All Jokes aside this is one of his best I hated the ending and still think it is a great read. Way to go Christopher... you knocked another one out of the park.
September 7, 2017
antes de la lectura
siento que esto puede ser como cementerio de mascotas
durante la lectura
me ha sorprendido Moore una vez mas , sus personajes se adapta de forma espiral como si fuera parte de un mismo cosmo y lo son porque ninguna persona le sucede tantas cosas y reacciona bien.
al final la letura
a pesar de todo el humor , el final es maravilloso . tiene moraleja , un final honesto y adecuado y he llorado también. es dificil conseguir todo eso en un libro de humor .
siento que esto puede ser como cementerio de mascotas
durante la lectura
me ha sorprendido Moore una vez mas , sus personajes se adapta de forma espiral como si fuera parte de un mismo cosmo y lo son porque ninguna persona le sucede tantas cosas y reacciona bien.
al final la letura
a pesar de todo el humor , el final es maravilloso . tiene moraleja , un final honesto y adecuado y he llorado también. es dificil conseguir todo eso en un libro de humor .
August 2, 2020
Funny stuff! I definitely found this funnier than book 2 in the series.This book was a very satisfying ending to the trilogy.
I mean a pack of vampire cats wreaking havoc on San Francisco...what's not to love?!?
What to listen to while reading...
Vampire Girl by Valerie Richman
We Only Come out at Night by The Smashing Pumpkins
The Lovecats by The Cure
Vampires by Bat for Lashes
Dead Inside by Muse
I mean a pack of vampire cats wreaking havoc on San Francisco...what's not to love?!?
What to listen to while reading...
Vampire Girl by Valerie Richman
We Only Come out at Night by The Smashing Pumpkins
The Lovecats by The Cure
Vampires by Bat for Lashes
Dead Inside by Muse
February 11, 2016
I'm kind of sad to close this series, so many great characters ending. The cool part was this audiobook was narrated by Siri (Susan Bennett) and she totally rocked Abby Normal.
I will listen to this again some day when I need a laugh.
I will listen to this again some day when I need a laugh.
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