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264 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1981
come to my blog! "For the past four decades Wilma Johanna Stockenström has been enriching Afrikaans literature with her satirical, obstinate and compassionate voice. Along with Elisabeth Eybers, Sheila Cussons, Ina Rousseau and Antjie Krog, she remains one of the most important women writers in Afrikaans." © Johann de Lange
"I was sold off a second time on the square near the sea where even then the raggedy castor-oil trees were standing. Was sold secondhand. I was a damaged plaything, my bundle of baby and myself bid for separately and disposed of separately. Simply playthings. Useful, certainly. My owner thought he had wasted his money."
"I know the interior of my tree as a blind man knows his home, I know its flat surfaces and grooves and swellings and edges, its smell, its darknesses, its great crack of light as I never knew the huts and rooms where I was ordered to sleep, as I can only know something that is mine and mine only, my dwelling place into which no one ever penetrates. I can say: this is mine. I can say: this is I. These are my footprints. These are the ashes of my fireplace. These are my grinding stones. These are my beads. My sherds."
A few days ago I had seen a hammerhead shark leaping in spasms there on the beach where fish-drying racks cast their grid-shadows. It was trying to lift its whole body up from the sand as if wanting to swim upwards into the sky. Sometimes one eye was buried in the sand, sometimes the other; one saw doom, the other spied hope, and in uncertainty the poor thing struggled. Spasmodic jerks, fanatical till death, eyes that till death bisected the world. Would he, even in death, have to reconcile the one half with the other half to find his way in that haze? Deeper and deeper he steered himself on into death with thrusting movements of the head. To the left hung death as a grey apparition, to the right hung death as a grey apparition, no choice for him, but perhaps he fabricated his own death and chose the total nothing of seeing nothing more, and nothing has neither tinge nor grain nor substance.
I drink my own life. Quickly, water-spirit. Let your envoy carry out his task swiftly.
Yes.
As a bird takes leave of a branch. Fruit falls. A bat. Like a bat, black and searching.
I dive into dark water and row with my wings toward the far side where in descending silence I am no longer able to help myself and deafly fly further and further. I will find rest in the upside-down. I fold my wings.
If I could write, I would take up a porcupine quill and scratch your enormous belly full from top to bottom. I would clamber up as far as your branches and carve notches in your armpits to make you laugh. Big letters. Small letters. In a script full of lobes and curls, in circumambient lines I write round and round you, for I have so much to tell of a trip to a new horizon that became an expedition to a tree.But of course she cannot write. For this is a former slave, captured as a young girl in the heart of Africa, sold to rich merchants in the South willing to pay first for unplucked fruit and later for a compliant young concubine. Now, presumably still young, she is in the heart of the African plains once more, living in a hollow baobab tree, alone, but her own mistress for the first time. The fact that she cannot write at all is not limitation but licence. Licence for Afrikaans writer Wilma Stockenström to give her words that she could not possibly know, aided now by a luxuriant translation by Nobel Prizewinner J. M. Coetzee. Licence to have her ignore the normal rules of narrative, and enfold the past into the present, reality into dream, until this short but exquisite book becomes a single long poem in prose, lament and celebration and lament once more.
I often ask myself whether they are displaying charity towards me or bringing tribute. I try to behave fittingly. Acknowledge to myself that there is nothing for me to do but accept my fate as a pampered captive and show myself grateful accordingly.But things can change. She may have no power over the world around her, but still retains some power over herself. The final pages of the book, if possible, are even more beautiful than those that had preceded them. And even more disturbing.