Reread pp 1-80
"David enjoyed a passage I had found in Louise Bogan's memoirs, in which she writes of seeing out the window of a psychiatric ward, a woman hanging clothes and of 'wishing that I, too, could . . . hang out clothes in a happy, normal way.' When she walked with other patients at 'the hour when children begin to scent supper,' she observed an air of despondency came over the group. The women 'knew the hour in their bones. It was no hour to be out, taking an aimless walk'" (81).
"I am so glad that the therapists of my maturity and the saints of my childhood agree on one thing" (Bogan, 81).
"'Stand up, take your mat and walk'? What kind of answer is that? To a sick person, a depressed person, that is precisely what is not possible. And don't try to say, as Jesus does, that it's my faith that makes me well. That's just plain discouraging if I take it to mean, as far too many have, that my lack of faith keeps me ill. Surely we can drop that particular bludgeon from our theological arsenal" (83).
"This gives hope that there is a faith for those of us who, like Miss Dickinson, may 'believe, and disbelieve a hundred times an Hour, which keeps Believing nimble'" (83).
"Evagrius speaks of the vital importance of recognizing and distinguishing between the different types of bad thoughts, and warns that we must 'take note of the circumstances of their coming . . . which are the more vexations, which yield . . . more readily and which [are:] the more resistant?' The reason for this careful self-observation, Evagrius says, is that we need 'effective words against them, that is to say, those words which correctly characterize the [demon:] present. And we must do this before they drive us out of our own state of mind'" (89).
"To help monks struggle against the 'bad thoughts,' Evagrius compiled and extensive Antirrheticus, a list of Scripture passages appropriate to resist each temptation" (89).
"Were I to approach an abba or an amma asking for a 'word' to help me cope with the assaults of acedia on my soul, I would likely be reminded that if I am especially susceptible to acedia, it is because I harbor within myself the virtue of zeal" (96).
"My energy levels are set on high or low: I can happily juggle any number of activities or do very little. . . . Over the years I have learned to live with the flow. And that is part of the problem . . . .Hasidic rabbi Hanokh said, 'The real exile of Israel in Egypt was that they had learned to endure it'" (96-98).
" . . . those afflicted with depression are often ambivalent about it, as no one is ambivalent about physical illness" (Joyce Carol Oates, 98).
" . . . many people are conflicted about a state in which the ploys they've used to color things in their favor are stripped away, and they sense that they are witnessing the world as it is. The light may be harsher than we would like, but at least it forces us to see" (98).
"From his extensive research, Andrew Solomon reports evidence that depressed people have a more realistic view of the world than others . . . . For all of that, Solomon reminds us that 'major depression is far too stern a teacher: you needn't go to the Sahara to avoid frosbite" (98).
"[Solomon:] cannot help respecting that which gave him knowledge of 'my own acreage, the full extent of my soul' . . . . When he asserts that 'the opposite of depression is not happiness but vitality,' he is echoing the existential monastic view that the opposite of acedia is an energetic devotion. When I'm at my worst, mired in torpor and despair, simply recalling this can give me hope" (99).
"Acedia is a particularly savage enemy, because it is not content with just a part of us. Evagrius writes that 'the other demons are like the rising or setting sun in that they are found in only a part of the soul. The noonday demon, however is accustomed to embrace the entire soul and oppress the spirit'" (99-100).
"Often my first act of recovery is doing something as menial as dusting a bookshelf or balancing my checkbook. If I am tempted to devalue such humble activities, I remember that acedia descended on Anthony as soon as he went to the desert, but when he prayed to be delivered from it, he was shown that any physical task, done in the right spirit, could free him" (100).
"What heals acedia is staunch persistence . . . . Decide upon a set amount for yourself in every work and do not turn aside from it before you complete it" (100).
"I remained prone to acedia, to what the early monk John Climacus termed "a slackness of the mind . . . [and:] a hostility to vows taken'" (102).
"Constantly drawing on my capacity for zeal meant that I could ignore the tendency to acedia that remained dormant within me. I could put off giving the devil his due" (102).
" . . . I noticed that David was in poor spirits, and asked whether he would like me to stay with him that night. He replied, quietly, 'That would be nice.' His tone signaled to me inwardly he was shouting, 'Don't leave me alone!'" (109).
"Acedia, which is known to foster excessive self-justification, as well as a casual yet implacable judgmentalism toward others, readily lends itself to [instant indignation and denunciation:]" (115).
"Anger over injustice may inflame us, but that's a double-edged sword. If our indignation feels too good, it will attach to our arrogance and pride and leave us ranting in a void. And if develop full-blown acedia, we won't even care about that" (116-117).
" . . . a great heart is needed against acedia, lest it swallow up the soul" (Chaucer, 116).
"'What everyone does not believe in, as nearly as I can tell, is forgiveness'. It requires creativity to recognize our faults, and to discern virtues in those we would rather disdain. Forgiveness demands close attention, flexibility, and stringent self-assessment . . . " (Kiezer, 117).
" . . . recall the literal meaning of the third commandment, against blasphemy. In Hebrew, it is an admonition against offering nothingness to God" (126).
" . . . inadequate thought and speech always translate into inadequate action" (Alasdair MacIntyre, 126).
"In a series of talks in the 1960s, Thomas Merton foresaw our contemporary world as one-dimensional, a world in which 'all words have become alike . . . To say "God is love,"' he commented, 'is like saying, "Eat Wheaties" . . . . There's no difference, except . . . that people know they are supposed to look pious when God is mentioned, but not when cereal is'" (128).
"In this hyped-up world, broadcast and Internet news media have emerged as acedia's perfect vehicles, demanding that we care, all at once, about a suicide bombing, a celebrity divorce, and the latest advance in nanotechnology. . . . But the ceaseless bombardment of image and verbiage makes us impervious to caring" (128-129).
"Acedia has come so far with us that is easily attaches to our hectic and overburdened schedules. We appear to be anything but slothful, yet that is exactly what we are, as we do more and care less, and feel pressured to do still more" (130).
"Wasserstein asks, 'are these hyperscheduled, overactive individuals really creating anything new? Are they guilty of passion in any way? Do they have a new vision for their government? For their community? Or for themselves?" (130-131).
"We might look for guidance to those earlier desert-dwellers, who had no word for depression, but whose vocabulary did include words for accidie, discernment, faith, grace, hope, and mercy./They gave one another good counsel: Perform the humblest of tasks with full attention and no fussing over the whys and wherefores; remember that you are susceptible, at the beginning of any new venture, to being distracted from your purpose by such things as a headache, an intense ill will toward another, a neurotic and potent self-doubt. To dwell in this desert and make it bloom requires that we indulge in neither guilt nor vainglorious fantasizing, but struggle to know ourselves as we are" (132).
". . . there is a grief that comes from the enemy, full of mockery, which some call accidie" (132).
" . . . the early Christian monks, who named zeal the best weapon in the psyche's toolbox for contending with acedia" (134).
"If the early monks paid close attention to themselves, it was only because they knew that rigorous self-analysis was an indispensable spiritual practice. Change was the point of discipline, and they nailed narcissistic self-definition, correctly, as vainglory. To people schooled in religion that has often seemed to define sin as a grocery list of dos and don'ts, these monks can seem . . . 'rather casual about morality.' They were not at all concerned . . . 'that people should behave correctly according to the rules, but rather that people should be able to see their situation clearly for what it is, and so become free from the distorting perspective which underlies all our sins'" (Tugwell, 135).