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僕が夫に出会うまで
この日、僕は夫夫(ふうふ)になったんだ──。
大反響のウェブ連載、待望の書籍化!
2015年、築地本願寺ではじめての「同性結婚式」を挙げた本人が、その半生を実際に振り返った、愛と青春、涙と笑いの感動ストーリー。
幼少期のいじめ、学生時代の初恋、失恋、抑えきれない嫉妬、そして友人、親へのカミングアウトーー。「普通じゃない」と言われ、人知れず苦しみつづけたセーラームーン好きの少年は、それでも懸命に自分と向き合い、明るく前のめりに光を求め、巡り会えたパートナーと、幸せを摑んだ。その道のりは、誰もが共感しうる「青春の蹉跌」「人生の喜怒哀楽」に満ちている。
2019年2月から文藝春秋オンラインで連載が始まり、ランキング上位を独占!
(内容紹介 )
第1章 ふつうじゃないってよ。このままじゃ、やばいってよ。
セーラームーン好きの少年は、先生や周りに理解されず、ひとり苦しんでいた……。
第2章 初恋は、枕もパンツも濡らすものだ。
いじめもあった中学時代、同級生男子の「脇毛」が初恋のきっかけに。でも、誰にも言えない。
第3章 恋するゲイ少年は、日々拷問を受けているようだ。
楽しかった高校時代、でも好きだった男子の彼女の前で、僕は悪魔になった。
第4章 初めてのことが増えました。悩みもやっぱり、増えました。
上京、そして男性との初体験。苦しみの先に、カミングアウトを決意するまで。
第5章 つき合うって、嬉しいことだ。つき合うって、苦しいことだ。
いろいろな恋の形。僕の場合も、本当にいろいろありました。
第6章 焦って、走って、転んで、起き上がって。
ただ日々を楽しく過ごしたいわけじゃない。生涯のパートナーと生きていきたい。
第7章 最後の恋であるように。
そして出会った、運命の人。ふたりの「りょうすけ」は、これからも前を向いていく。
大反響のウェブ連載、待望の書籍化!
2015年、築地本願寺ではじめての「同性結婚式」を挙げた本人が、その半生を実際に振り返った、愛と青春、涙と笑いの感動ストーリー。
幼少期のいじめ、学生時代の初恋、失恋、抑えきれない嫉妬、そして友人、親へのカミングアウトーー。「普通じゃない」と言われ、人知れず苦しみつづけたセーラームーン好きの少年は、それでも懸命に自分と向き合い、明るく前のめりに光を求め、巡り会えたパートナーと、幸せを摑んだ。その道のりは、誰もが共感しうる「青春の蹉跌」「人生の喜怒哀楽」に満ちている。
2019年2月から文藝春秋オンラインで連載が始まり、ランキング上位を独占!
(内容紹介 )
第1章 ふつうじゃないってよ。このままじゃ、やばいってよ。
セーラームーン好きの少年は、先生や周りに理解されず、ひとり苦しんでいた……。
第2章 初恋は、枕もパンツも濡らすものだ。
いじめもあった中学時代、同級生男子の「脇毛」が初恋のきっかけに。でも、誰にも言えない。
第3章 恋するゲイ少年は、日々拷問を受けているようだ。
楽しかった高校時代、でも好きだった男子の彼女の前で、僕は悪魔になった。
第4章 初めてのことが増えました。悩みもやっぱり、増えました。
上京、そして男性との初体験。苦しみの先に、カミングアウトを決意するまで。
第5章 つき合うって、嬉しいことだ。つき合うって、苦しいことだ。
いろいろな恋の形。僕の場合も、本当にいろいろありました。
第6章 焦って、走って、転んで、起き上がって。
ただ日々を楽しく過ごしたいわけじゃない。生涯のパートナーと生きていきたい。
第7章 最後の恋であるように。
そして出会った、運命の人。ふたりの「りょうすけ」は、これからも前を向いていく。
285 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 28, 2019
40 people are currently reading
1486 people want to read
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December 18, 2023
4.5
Đầu tiên là cuốn tự truyện này đã có manga chuyển thể, mình vốn đã đọc qua manga trước và rất thích nên mình đọc luôn cả tự truyện gốc. Sách gốc có hầu hết những gì mình đã biết qua manga, nhưng để mà nói thì mình thấy tự truyện chứa đựng nhiều cảm xúc, vấn đề và trăn trở của cộng đồng LGBT nhiều hơn. Quan trọng nhất là việc chấp nhận và yêu thương bản thân.
Until I Meet My Husband là cuốn tự truyện của Ryousuke Nanasaki, người nhận ra bản thân anh ấy khác biệt với những cậu bé khác từ khi còn là một đứa trẻ. Trải qua nhiều sóng gió cuộc đời, thắc mắc, nghi ngờ và chán ghét về giới tính bản thân, giờ đây Nanasaki bắt đầu kể lại hành trình đưa anh ấy đến với người bạn đời hiện tại, cũng như cách anh ấy đã vượt qua, tìm kiếm để cứu lấy bản thân đang tuyệt vọng.
Bản thân mình cũng là gay nên mình có thể thấu hiểu những gì Nanasaki đã trải qua (nhưng mình không bị bắt nạt như tác giả). Nanasaki trải qua một tuổi thơ không mấy êm đềm, bị gia đình bắt ép làm những điều không muốn , bị bắt nạt ở trường, bị đổ lỗi và áp đặt những tư tưởng sai lầm. Đến mức Nanasaki không muôn nhớ về thời cấp hai.
Cách viết của tác giả không có gì đặc biệt, thậm chí cuốn sách rất ngắn và mình đã hoàn thành nó rất nhanh, nhưng có ai sẵn sàng kể với bạn là "Họ muốn vùi mặt vào nách của người họ thích thầm không?", chính Nanasaki đã làm điều đó - giọng kể thật thà không che giấu bất cứ điều gì. Cuốn sách đề cập đến tình dục và những vấn đề nhạy cảm, mình thích cái cách tác giả nói lên hết những suy nghĩ, cảm giác của anh ấy. Những "lần đầu" ở Tokyo, trăn trở và nghi ngờ về tính hướng của bản thân, được yêu, đau khổ, tội lỗi, ích kỷ,... đều được Nanasaki kể rất thật lòng.
Một con người trải qua những thăng trầm, nghĩ rằng "bản thân đang bị trừng phạt vì là người đồng tính" đã chấp nhận tính hướng của bản thân, mở lòng và biết sửa chữa những sai lầm mà anh ấy gây ra. Mình thấy hạnh phúc vì Nanasaki đã có những người thân, bạn bè biết chấp nhận và bên cạnh anh.
Bên cạnh đó, Until I Meet My Husband còn nói về sự phức tạp trong giới LGBT, những bất công và định kiến dành cho người đồng tính ở Nhật Bản, điều vẫn còn tồn tại cho đến bây giờ nhưng vẫn luôn có niềm tin rằng xã hội đang dần cởi mở hơn với LGBT, chính Nanasaki và những người thân, bạn bè cho mình thấy điều đó. Không giáo điều, mong hướng dẫn hay mong muốn bạn phải làm theo, Nanasaki chỉ muốn bạn - dù là bất kỳ ai cũng đáng sống và được hạnh phúc trên cuộc đời này.
To tell you the truth, my younger self never imagined I’d have such a
happy future waiting for me. In fact, for the longest time, I was convinced that I didn’t deserve to be happy; instead, I told myself I committed some terrible crime in a past life, and that was why I was born gay—to atone for my past with my current suffering.
But of course, I didn’t actually have any memories of a past life. So why did I feel that way? Well, I’d like to take a moment to tell you my story —the honest truth, with all the most humiliating moments fully intact. After all, this was the path that led me to my husband.
Đầu tiên là cuốn tự truyện này đã có manga chuyển thể, mình vốn đã đọc qua manga trước và rất thích nên mình đọc luôn cả tự truyện gốc. Sách gốc có hầu hết những gì mình đã biết qua manga, nhưng để mà nói thì mình thấy tự truyện chứa đựng nhiều cảm xúc, vấn đề và trăn trở của cộng đồng LGBT nhiều hơn. Quan trọng nhất là việc chấp nhận và yêu thương bản thân.
Until I Meet My Husband là cuốn tự truyện của Ryousuke Nanasaki, người nhận ra bản thân anh ấy khác biệt với những cậu bé khác từ khi còn là một đứa trẻ. Trải qua nhiều sóng gió cuộc đời, thắc mắc, nghi ngờ và chán ghét về giới tính bản thân, giờ đây Nanasaki bắt đầu kể lại hành trình đưa anh ấy đến với người bạn đời hiện tại, cũng như cách anh ấy đã vượt qua, tìm kiếm để cứu lấy bản thân đang tuyệt vọng.
Bản thân mình cũng là gay nên mình có thể thấu hiểu những gì Nanasaki đã trải qua (nhưng mình không bị bắt nạt như tác giả). Nanasaki trải qua một tuổi thơ không mấy êm đềm, bị gia đình bắt ép làm những điều không muốn , bị bắt nạt ở trường, bị đổ lỗi và áp đặt những tư tưởng sai lầm. Đến mức Nanasaki không muôn nhớ về thời cấp hai.
If anything is to blame for what happened to me, it’s the societal bias that taught my bullies to treat me the way they did.
Cách viết của tác giả không có gì đặc biệt, thậm chí cuốn sách rất ngắn và mình đã hoàn thành nó rất nhanh, nhưng có ai sẵn sàng kể với bạn là "Họ muốn vùi mặt vào nách của người họ thích thầm không?", chính Nanasaki đã làm điều đó - giọng kể thật thà không che giấu bất cứ điều gì. Cuốn sách đề cập đến tình dục và những vấn đề nhạy cảm, mình thích cái cách tác giả nói lên hết những suy nghĩ, cảm giác của anh ấy. Những "lần đầu" ở Tokyo, trăn trở và nghi ngờ về tính hướng của bản thân, được yêu, đau khổ, tội lỗi, ích kỷ,... đều được Nanasaki kể rất thật lòng.
I was blessed with a lot of friends in my life, so I was by no means lonely. But eventually those friends were going to marry people of the opposite sex and settle down. Sooner or later, I would be the only one left.
Then they’d all start asking me why I wasn’t married yet, and I’d have to tell them “because I like being single” or “because I’d rather spend my money on myself.” No way in hell was I going to tell a single soul I was gay.
From now on, I couldn’t let myself be weak for even one moment. If it turned out to be too hard, worst-case scenario, I could always just kill myself, right? No one would miss me, so there was nothing to fear. It would be a lot easier than spending the rest of my life unloved and alone.
Một con người trải qua những thăng trầm, nghĩ rằng "bản thân đang bị trừng phạt vì là người đồng tính" đã chấp nhận tính hướng của bản thân, mở lòng và biết sửa chữa những sai lầm mà anh ấy gây ra. Mình thấy hạnh phúc vì Nanasaki đã có những người thân, bạn bè biết chấp nhận và bên cạnh anh.
Bên cạnh đó, Until I Meet My Husband còn nói về sự phức tạp trong giới LGBT, những bất công và định kiến dành cho người đồng tính ở Nhật Bản, điều vẫn còn tồn tại cho đến bây giờ nhưng vẫn luôn có niềm tin rằng xã hội đang dần cởi mở hơn với LGBT, chính Nanasaki và những người thân, bạn bè cho mình thấy điều đó. Không giáo điều, mong hướng dẫn hay mong muốn bạn phải làm theo, Nanasaki chỉ muốn bạn - dù là bất kỳ ai cũng đáng sống và được hạnh phúc trên cuộc đời này.
July 2, 2022
I made the mistake of reading the Until I Meet My Husband manga adaptation first, which was a real disappointment. I guess it's meant to make Ryousuke's story more approachable, or appealing to an audience that generally sees m/m relationships through a BL lens, but I personally felt it failed both as BL and a memoir.
That aside, this novel accomplishes exactly what it was meant to. I honestly don't think it's one I'll be particularly interested in rereading - I'm old enough now, and secure enough in who I am, to not really need the intense encouragement that comes in the final pages, and I think it's the type of book that's better to send out into the world to find its next reader. But I'm glad I picked it up, and I'm super glad that it was published to begin with - in an English translation, sure, but also in Japan, its original and intended audience.
Ryousuke's story is, as he points out, a highly individual one about his specific life - he's careful to explain that not all gay people are the same and that each person, and each relationship, is as unique as a straight one. But he is also telling an important and impactful story about being queer in Japanese society - which is still pretty closed-off in some ways, but was even more difficult for a young gay boy in a rural town to navigate in the '90s.
Ryousuke literally didn't know at first that gay people existed, and once he began to recognize that he was "different" from the "normal" people around him, he continued to think that he was completely alone. One part that's super interesting that was left out of the manga is that his first girlfriend ended up being an unintentional mutual beard...he was gay, and the "girlfriend" was also queer, and told Ryousuke years later on that he had transitioned to male. Because the reality was...Ryousuke wasn't alone at all, and there were probably a lot of other people he'd met throughout his life who weren't straight, or cis, but societal pressures and prejudices kept them from ever talking to each other, or revealing their true selves when they needed it most.
This book is Ryousuke's way of fighting back against the pain he lived with for more than two decades - the worst of which was the self-hatred that those societal limitations forced upon him. His story's painful and hilarious and maddening and wrenchingly dark by turns...like any life, really, but also unlike the ones we typically encounter in popular media.
I admit to sometimes being startled by the rawness of the experiences he laid out on the page...that still glossed-over first encounter with the middle-aged man who filmed them having sex...the drug addicted, possibly schizophrenic (?) boyfriend who was left out of the manga...the infidelity (which is something I tend to cringe away from in both real life and fiction)...and that horribly infuriating story about police prejudice and abusive treatment, also left out of the manga.
It's a tough read in some spots, and because it is a true story, it's occasionally hard to fight back the judgmental responses - which Ryousuke points out in his own narrative. Lots of people do things they're ashamed of when they're young and naive, or reckless and hurting. And he didn't want to write down some polished, picture-perfect account of An Ideal, Inoffensive Gay Person...because the point of this book is to make other queer people feel seen and valued for exactly who they are...messy bits and all. And I think that's beautiful.
Honestly, the afterword was one of my favorite parts of the book. I felt like I could really feel Ryousuke's voice there - it's relaxed and informal and digs really hard into his messages of encouragement for people who didn't have a book like this when they were growing up. You're not alone. You matter. You deserve to be happy.
Because for a lot of his life, Ryousuke didn't believe those things, and he didn't have anyone telling him that.
It's a brave book. It's an important book. And while the dialogue is a bit choppy sometimes (maybe a flaw in the translation, which is overall pretty good), it's a very engaging, hugely readable story. It's the kind of book that can genuinely save lives, and I'm glad Ryousuke had the resilience and stubbornness to not only make it through the difficult patches of his life, but to thrive, and to show that it's possible for others to do the same.
I also liked all the information in the afterword about the people mentioned throughout the book - the "where are they now" of Ryousuke's old friends and exes. It sounds like all of them were probably aware that they were being included in his book - and he ultimately told all of his one-sided crushes that he was gay and had been in love with them. Funny......even in the afterword, Hase still sounds a bit like the love of his life...but the title of this book was Until I Meet My Husband, and Ryousuke says that he could write an entire second one about that husband, which would be an interesting read, too.
One final odd note - did Seven Seas just flub their normal publication stuff by putting their standard fictional disclaimer at the front of this book? I mean, it literally has photos of people mentioned in the story...and while it's highly possible that some of the exes' names were changed to hide their identities a bit, the whole "any resemblance to actual people is purely coincidental" is obviously a false statement. C'mon, Seven Seas. That seems like a messy mistake. (And you've been getting a lot of flack for stuff like that in your novels & translations.) Otherwise, though, I thought this was a pretty solid presentation of a truly groundbreaking book, and I'm glad I got to grab a copy and read it.
That aside, this novel accomplishes exactly what it was meant to. I honestly don't think it's one I'll be particularly interested in rereading - I'm old enough now, and secure enough in who I am, to not really need the intense encouragement that comes in the final pages, and I think it's the type of book that's better to send out into the world to find its next reader. But I'm glad I picked it up, and I'm super glad that it was published to begin with - in an English translation, sure, but also in Japan, its original and intended audience.
Ryousuke's story is, as he points out, a highly individual one about his specific life - he's careful to explain that not all gay people are the same and that each person, and each relationship, is as unique as a straight one. But he is also telling an important and impactful story about being queer in Japanese society - which is still pretty closed-off in some ways, but was even more difficult for a young gay boy in a rural town to navigate in the '90s.
Ryousuke literally didn't know at first that gay people existed, and once he began to recognize that he was "different" from the "normal" people around him, he continued to think that he was completely alone. One part that's super interesting that was left out of the manga is that his first girlfriend ended up being an unintentional mutual beard...he was gay, and the "girlfriend" was also queer, and told Ryousuke years later on that he had transitioned to male. Because the reality was...Ryousuke wasn't alone at all, and there were probably a lot of other people he'd met throughout his life who weren't straight, or cis, but societal pressures and prejudices kept them from ever talking to each other, or revealing their true selves when they needed it most.
This book is Ryousuke's way of fighting back against the pain he lived with for more than two decades - the worst of which was the self-hatred that those societal limitations forced upon him. His story's painful and hilarious and maddening and wrenchingly dark by turns...like any life, really, but also unlike the ones we typically encounter in popular media.
I admit to sometimes being startled by the rawness of the experiences he laid out on the page...that still glossed-over first encounter with the middle-aged man who filmed them having sex...the drug addicted, possibly schizophrenic (?) boyfriend who was left out of the manga...the infidelity (which is something I tend to cringe away from in both real life and fiction)...and that horribly infuriating story about police prejudice and abusive treatment, also left out of the manga.
It's a tough read in some spots, and because it is a true story, it's occasionally hard to fight back the judgmental responses - which Ryousuke points out in his own narrative. Lots of people do things they're ashamed of when they're young and naive, or reckless and hurting. And he didn't want to write down some polished, picture-perfect account of An Ideal, Inoffensive Gay Person...because the point of this book is to make other queer people feel seen and valued for exactly who they are...messy bits and all. And I think that's beautiful.
Honestly, the afterword was one of my favorite parts of the book. I felt like I could really feel Ryousuke's voice there - it's relaxed and informal and digs really hard into his messages of encouragement for people who didn't have a book like this when they were growing up. You're not alone. You matter. You deserve to be happy.
Because for a lot of his life, Ryousuke didn't believe those things, and he didn't have anyone telling him that.
It's a brave book. It's an important book. And while the dialogue is a bit choppy sometimes (maybe a flaw in the translation, which is overall pretty good), it's a very engaging, hugely readable story. It's the kind of book that can genuinely save lives, and I'm glad Ryousuke had the resilience and stubbornness to not only make it through the difficult patches of his life, but to thrive, and to show that it's possible for others to do the same.
I also liked all the information in the afterword about the people mentioned throughout the book - the "where are they now" of Ryousuke's old friends and exes. It sounds like all of them were probably aware that they were being included in his book - and he ultimately told all of his one-sided crushes that he was gay and had been in love with them. Funny......even in the afterword, Hase still sounds a bit like the love of his life...but the title of this book was Until I Meet My Husband, and Ryousuke says that he could write an entire second one about that husband, which would be an interesting read, too.
One final odd note - did Seven Seas just flub their normal publication stuff by putting their standard fictional disclaimer at the front of this book? I mean, it literally has photos of people mentioned in the story...and while it's highly possible that some of the exes' names were changed to hide their identities a bit, the whole "any resemblance to actual people is purely coincidental" is obviously a false statement. C'mon, Seven Seas. That seems like a messy mistake. (And you've been getting a lot of flack for stuff like that in your novels & translations.) Otherwise, though, I thought this was a pretty solid presentation of a truly groundbreaking book, and I'm glad I got to grab a copy and read it.
July 24, 2022
super interesting and honest insight into the japanese queer community and the process of coming out, the failed relationships throughout young adulthood, and self reflection and advice to young queer people!
December 29, 2022
Se la riduzione manga aveva dato un’immagine dolceamara di questa storia autobiografica, il romanzo da cui è tratta è molto di più e presenta la vita dell’autore senza reticenze o facili pietismi.
La storia di Ryousuke Nanasaki si lega a doppio filo alla situazione sociale del Giappone degli anni 80 e 90 con tutte le chiusure e i pregiudizi che in parte tuttora sussistono.
In questo ambiente è assolutamente normale che l’autore abbia passato una buona parte dell’età infantile e adolescenziale nella più classica omofobia interiorizzata, ritenendosi sbagliato e credendo di appartenere una minoranza risicatissima.
Le varie esperienze, negative e positive, vengono narrate con assoluta sincerità, a volte anche in modo un po’ impietoso.
Il finale positivo - l’autore sa bene di aver avuto anche fortuna in certi frangenti -, spinge il lettore, soprattutto se giovane, a non arrendersi e a cercare sempre di perseguire i propri sogni; potrebbe sembrare un concetto banale, ma a mio avviso è invece un modo corretto per infondere coraggio e fiducia in sé stesso a chi ancora combatte per trovare il proprio posto nel mondo, legittimo e meritato.
Un buon libro, onesto e propositivo.
La storia di Ryousuke Nanasaki si lega a doppio filo alla situazione sociale del Giappone degli anni 80 e 90 con tutte le chiusure e i pregiudizi che in parte tuttora sussistono.
In questo ambiente è assolutamente normale che l’autore abbia passato una buona parte dell’età infantile e adolescenziale nella più classica omofobia interiorizzata, ritenendosi sbagliato e credendo di appartenere una minoranza risicatissima.
Le varie esperienze, negative e positive, vengono narrate con assoluta sincerità, a volte anche in modo un po’ impietoso.
Il finale positivo - l’autore sa bene di aver avuto anche fortuna in certi frangenti -, spinge il lettore, soprattutto se giovane, a non arrendersi e a cercare sempre di perseguire i propri sogni; potrebbe sembrare un concetto banale, ma a mio avviso è invece un modo corretto per infondere coraggio e fiducia in sé stesso a chi ancora combatte per trovare il proprio posto nel mondo, legittimo e meritato.
Un buon libro, onesto e propositivo.
December 3, 2022
4.5
if you’re lgbt I definitely recommend reading this! it’s a collection of incredibly personal essays of the author’s childhood and relationships up to meeting his husband. ryousuke is genuinely funny, I found myself chuckling multiple times while reading. definitely wish I could have read this in high school it would have made me feel a lot more secure in my sexuality.
if you’re lgbt I definitely recommend reading this! it’s a collection of incredibly personal essays of the author’s childhood and relationships up to meeting his husband. ryousuke is genuinely funny, I found myself chuckling multiple times while reading. definitely wish I could have read this in high school it would have made me feel a lot more secure in my sexuality.
November 21, 2022
„Hier, das sieht doch interessant aus! Erweitere mal deinen Horizont!“. Ich nahm das Buch entgegen, sah es kurz an und blickte etwas fragend zu Amelie, die beruhigend mit einem Lächeln hinzufügte: „Um Asien geht‘s auch.“
Eine Woche später, nachdem ich mein letztes Buch beendet hatte, lächelte mich ‚Bis WIR UNS fanden‘ aus meinem Bücherregal an und ich las es innerhalb von vier Tagen (für mich mehr als schnell!). Noch nie habe ich bei einem Buch so viel gelacht, geschmunzelt, war den Tränen so nahe, hab mir vor Schock so oft die Hand vor den Mund gehalten und so mitgefiebert! Noch nie hatte ich mich bei einem Buch so fremdgeschämt und gleichzeitig gedacht „Ich glaube, so hätte ich‘s auch gemacht…“
Ich kann nicht sagen, ob Ryousuke irgendetwas aus seinem Leben auslässt, aber es fühlt sich an, als ob ich live dabei gewesen wäre. Aber gerade diese brutale Offenheit hat mir so gefallen!
Tatsächlich muss ich zugeben, dass ich nicht gewusst hatte, wie viel eigentlich in der Psyche eines Menschen vorgeht, der versucht, seine Sexualität zu finden. Der Hass und das Unverständnis, das einem - wenn es denn kommt - entgegenkommt, muss so hart und so belastend sein, dass mir sogar die Tränen kommen, wenn ich daran denke. „So wie du bist, wirst du nur Probleme bekommen!“ Wer das als Jugendlicher zu Hören bekommt… wie blickt man dabei in die Zukunft?
Ich finde es erstaunlich, wie Ryousuke Nanasaki (七崎良輔) alle diese Erfahrungen gemacht hat und trotzdem stets das Positive sehen kann; einfach überwältigend.
Es ist nicht immer einfach, die richtigen Worte zu finden, aber ich möchte jedem Menschen, der auf der Suche nach seiner Sexualität ist, wissen lassen, dass ich dem gleichgültig gegenüberstehe. Und mit „Gleichgültigkeit“ meine ich nicht das Desinteresse gegenüber dem Charakter einer Person, sondern dass die Sexualität für mich keinen Einfluss auf das Wesen eines jeden hat. Ich möchte die Menschen so sehen, wie sie sind: witzig, mutig, offen, schüchtern, Fröhlichkeit in Person, neugierig, interessant und alle anderen tausend Adjektive.
P.S. Danke Amelie! Wie auch immer du stets das richtige Buch für mich findest. Mögen deine Ärmel beim Händewaschen nie runterrutschen!
Eine Woche später, nachdem ich mein letztes Buch beendet hatte, lächelte mich ‚Bis WIR UNS fanden‘ aus meinem Bücherregal an und ich las es innerhalb von vier Tagen (für mich mehr als schnell!). Noch nie habe ich bei einem Buch so viel gelacht, geschmunzelt, war den Tränen so nahe, hab mir vor Schock so oft die Hand vor den Mund gehalten und so mitgefiebert! Noch nie hatte ich mich bei einem Buch so fremdgeschämt und gleichzeitig gedacht „Ich glaube, so hätte ich‘s auch gemacht…“
Ich kann nicht sagen, ob Ryousuke irgendetwas aus seinem Leben auslässt, aber es fühlt sich an, als ob ich live dabei gewesen wäre. Aber gerade diese brutale Offenheit hat mir so gefallen!
Tatsächlich muss ich zugeben, dass ich nicht gewusst hatte, wie viel eigentlich in der Psyche eines Menschen vorgeht, der versucht, seine Sexualität zu finden. Der Hass und das Unverständnis, das einem - wenn es denn kommt - entgegenkommt, muss so hart und so belastend sein, dass mir sogar die Tränen kommen, wenn ich daran denke. „So wie du bist, wirst du nur Probleme bekommen!“ Wer das als Jugendlicher zu Hören bekommt… wie blickt man dabei in die Zukunft?
Ich finde es erstaunlich, wie Ryousuke Nanasaki (七崎良輔) alle diese Erfahrungen gemacht hat und trotzdem stets das Positive sehen kann; einfach überwältigend.
Es ist nicht immer einfach, die richtigen Worte zu finden, aber ich möchte jedem Menschen, der auf der Suche nach seiner Sexualität ist, wissen lassen, dass ich dem gleichgültig gegenüberstehe. Und mit „Gleichgültigkeit“ meine ich nicht das Desinteresse gegenüber dem Charakter einer Person, sondern dass die Sexualität für mich keinen Einfluss auf das Wesen eines jeden hat. Ich möchte die Menschen so sehen, wie sie sind: witzig, mutig, offen, schüchtern, Fröhlichkeit in Person, neugierig, interessant und alle anderen tausend Adjektive.
P.S. Danke Amelie! Wie auch immer du stets das richtige Buch für mich findest. Mögen deine Ärmel beim Händewaschen nie runterrutschen!
January 9, 2024
Brutally honest, yet it ends with a positive and hopeful note.
June 5, 2022
Ich gebe zu, die erste Hälfte hat mich nicht so sehr gecatched und fand ich teilweise auch recht problematisch wie Ryo geredet und gehandelt hat. Aber später hat er sich nicht in Ausflüchte begeben und sehr reflektiert berichtet. Insgesamt finde ich, dass Ryo ein sehr mutiger und starker junger Mann ist, der nicht aufgegeben hat für seine Liebe, seine Wünsche und Träume zu kämpfen. An einigen Stellen bin ich auch emotional geworden und bevor ich es mich versah, habe ich das Buch durch gelesen. Ich finde es sehr erstaunlich, wir sehr die japanische Gesellschaft heutzutage noch rückständig in Bezug zu gleichgeschlechtlicher Liebe ist. Zum Glück gibt es Menschen wie Ryo, die sich einsetzen.
September 21, 2022
neg:
disconnected writing style, impactful moments didn’t feel as serious as they probably were intended to + dialogue felt super unnatural and stoic BUT that could also just be a matter of bad translation ( here’s to me ever learning japanese … ), typos ( why publish a book if it has LITERAL TYPOS AND SYNTAX ERRORS ?? )
pos:
really picked up towards the end, especially the epilogue was very heartwarming and uplifting to read :)
disconnected writing style, impactful moments didn’t feel as serious as they probably were intended to + dialogue felt super unnatural and stoic BUT that could also just be a matter of bad translation ( here’s to me ever learning japanese … ), typos ( why publish a book if it has LITERAL TYPOS AND SYNTAX ERRORS ?? )
pos:
really picked up towards the end, especially the epilogue was very heartwarming and uplifting to read :)
August 8, 2021
好き笑。
いろいろ包み隠さず書かれてるから人によっては漫画の方が読みやすいかもしれないけど、私的には断然原作の方が面白かった(もちろん漫画も良かったけど)。実際フフッて声に出して笑った箇所も何個か笑。
こういうと語弊があるかもしれないけど、人を好きになることすらできない自分からしたらちょっとうらやましいなと思う部分もあった。
読む前は途中苦しくなったり涙したりするのかなって勝手に思ってたけど、むしろ笑えて前向きでハッピーな気分になれる本だった。
それにしても学生時代の先生や葛西警察署の人の考え方(特に警察！)や無神経さにはびっくりした。
いろいろ包み隠さず書かれてるから人によっては漫画の方が読みやすいかもしれないけど、私的には断然原作の方が面白かった(もちろん漫画も良かったけど)。実際フフッて声に出して笑った箇所も何個か笑。
こういうと語弊があるかもしれないけど、人を好きになることすらできない自分からしたらちょっとうらやましいなと思う部分もあった。
読む前は途中苦しくなったり涙したりするのかなって勝手に思ってたけど、むしろ笑えて前向きでハッピーな気分になれる本だった。
それにしても学生時代の先生や葛西警察署の人の考え方(特に警察！)や無神経さにはびっくりした。
June 8, 2023
Although I’m a straight woman, i found this book so relatable in the sense of being criticized by society, unrequited love, and learning to love myself. Highly recommend reading this book!
November 26, 2023
i wouldn’t ever rate a memoir based on the contents of someone’s life because that’s Weird so i wanna say this book was very insightful and i learned a lot about japanese culture and acceptance from it. i’m giving it 4 stars only because i wish it had more about ryousuke’s current life. i wanted to know more about the happy “ending.” really good book though
August 13, 2023
I’m giving this four stars because I think it would be an amazing resource for a younger gay person (maybe in middle school?). The writing/reading level is quite a bit lower than I think was intended, but the content is really good and worthwhile. For me it was especially enjoyable because my partner grew up in Japan, so it gave me great context for what his school life might have looked like on a day to day level. That said, I don’t recommend this as a piece of literature, because the writing and craft really isn’t there.
October 6, 2022
Absolutely loved this collection of essays! As soon as I saw it I HAD to buy it since I actually lived in Japan for some time and to my SHOCK I lived in the same neighborhood as the author! Truly wild lol but ANYWAYS I related to a lot of the feelings the author mentioned throughout the book and I think many LGBTQ+ individuals would agree! There was humor and LOTS of heartbreak but that’s life! I wish all the happiness in the world to Ryousuke and Ryousuke! Their story is so cute!
June 14, 2024
3.5 - I was interested in reading this book to get a perspective of the fight for LGBTQ+ rights from a non-American perspective, and while this book did delve into those topics a bit, it wasn’t as much as I expected which is mainly why my rating is what it is. While the actual narration was amiable and I think Nanasaki’s personality really came through within the style, it did also feel repetitive at times. I personally think that the writing style is what’s holding me back from eating any higher, since it just doesn’t really mesh with the style I usually enjoy. I will applaud how open he is about how some of the depictions of his younger self he now finds embarrassing, though; there were certain moments where I couldn’t believe the way he was acting (although I was still rooting for him), and think his acknowledgement of his past faults is a testament to how much someone can grow and grow into themselves.
I think what I’m leaving this book with is that while everyone’s experience with understanding their sexuality is different, there are also societal and social beliefs that result in a lot of similar experiences worldwide. But, globally progress is being made and I think this book was a great reminder of both how far we’ve come but how far we still have to go. I also appreciated how the anecdotes in here about coming out to his friends and family almost always were positive, since so many stories that feature coming out scenes depict the other side of the coin; the fact that all his friends were supportive gives me hope that every day, people are becoming more accepting. Even though the contents of this book weren’t really what I was anticipating when I picked it up, I still think it has a good message and is a good reminder of where the LGBTQ+ community started and the progress that’s been made and is still being made. Since I’m not a gay man, I obviously might not connect as strongly to the struggles depicted, but the story is still important and I’m glad I gave it a read.
I think what I’m leaving this book with is that while everyone’s experience with understanding their sexuality is different, there are also societal and social beliefs that result in a lot of similar experiences worldwide. But, globally progress is being made and I think this book was a great reminder of both how far we’ve come but how far we still have to go. I also appreciated how the anecdotes in here about coming out to his friends and family almost always were positive, since so many stories that feature coming out scenes depict the other side of the coin; the fact that all his friends were supportive gives me hope that every day, people are becoming more accepting. Even though the contents of this book weren’t really what I was anticipating when I picked it up, I still think it has a good message and is a good reminder of where the LGBTQ+ community started and the progress that’s been made and is still being made. Since I’m not a gay man, I obviously might not connect as strongly to the struggles depicted, but the story is still important and I’m glad I gave it a read.
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July 13, 2022
~*See below for review in English*~
Der Roman hat mir gut gefallen, wenn auch nicht so gut wie der Manga. Vielleicht weil ich hier und da etwas mehr erwartet hätte als im Manga möglich gewesen wäre.
Toll fand ich, das Ryousuke kein Blatt vor den Mund genommen hat und man miterleben konnte, dass er kein perfekter Mensch ist und auch unsympatische Seiten hat. Das kam im Manga gar nicht so gut rüber.
Schade fand ich, dass nicht weiter auf seine Rolle als Aktivist in der japanischen LBGTQIA+ Community eingegangen wurde - da hatte ich mir doch tatsächlich etwas mehr erhofft, auch was seine Firma (eine Hochzeitsagentur für LGBTQIA+ Paare), die er zusammen mit einer Freundin führt, angeht.
~*~*~*~*~
I liked the novel, although not as much as the manga. Maybe because I expected a little more here and there than would have been possible in the manga.
I thought it was great that Ryousuke didn't mince his words and you could see that he is not a perfect person and also has less likable sides. That didn't come across so well in the manga.
I was sad that his role as an activist in the Japanese LBGTQIA+ community was not discussed further - I was really hoping for something more, also regarding his company (a wedding agency for LGBTQIA+ couples), which he runs together with a friend.
Der Roman hat mir gut gefallen, wenn auch nicht so gut wie der Manga. Vielleicht weil ich hier und da etwas mehr erwartet hätte als im Manga möglich gewesen wäre.
Toll fand ich, das Ryousuke kein Blatt vor den Mund genommen hat und man miterleben konnte, dass er kein perfekter Mensch ist und auch unsympatische Seiten hat. Das kam im Manga gar nicht so gut rüber.
Schade fand ich, dass nicht weiter auf seine Rolle als Aktivist in der japanischen LBGTQIA+ Community eingegangen wurde - da hatte ich mir doch tatsächlich etwas mehr erhofft, auch was seine Firma (eine Hochzeitsagentur für LGBTQIA+ Paare), die er zusammen mit einer Freundin führt, angeht.
~*~*~*~*~
I liked the novel, although not as much as the manga. Maybe because I expected a little more here and there than would have been possible in the manga.
I thought it was great that Ryousuke didn't mince his words and you could see that he is not a perfect person and also has less likable sides. That didn't come across so well in the manga.
I was sad that his role as an activist in the Japanese LBGTQIA+ community was not discussed further - I was really hoping for something more, also regarding his company (a wedding agency for LGBTQIA+ couples), which he runs together with a friend.
January 1, 2024
Until I Meet My Husband was actually released here in the US in two formats. The first was a manga created with manga artist Yoshi Tsukizuki and the second was a collection of essays in novel form. My wife has already reviewed the manga, so I thought I’d jump in and take a look at the novel and the differences between the two.
Until I Meet My Husband is set up like a diary, Ryousuke’s voice leading you from experience to experience in a raw style that doesn’t shy away from things many of us would love to hide about ourselves. The candid style is refreshing and absolutely necessary because it communicates the thing that a lot of people like to ignore when talking about queer issues: that we’re all still very human like anyone else.
Read my reviews for both at Well, Are They? A Queer Review Blog:
https://wellarethey.blogspot.com/2023...
Until I Meet My Husband is set up like a diary, Ryousuke’s voice leading you from experience to experience in a raw style that doesn’t shy away from things many of us would love to hide about ourselves. The candid style is refreshing and absolutely necessary because it communicates the thing that a lot of people like to ignore when talking about queer issues: that we’re all still very human like anyone else.
Read my reviews for both at Well, Are They? A Queer Review Blog:
https://wellarethey.blogspot.com/2023...
January 12, 2024
“So whenever you're at your lowest, I want you to trust me when I tell you that you will find happiness someday. You'll be glad to be alive.”
A collection of essays that I consider invaluable, and the perfect read for when happiness as a queer person feels impossible, so out of reach.I remember the alienation I experienced (and sometimes still experience) as a young queer baby, thinking I would never meet someone like me, believing I will always be the odd one out. That's why I appreciate how real this collection of essays feels, how honest and open Ryousuke is, without painting himself as perfect, or flawless: just human.
The writing style and some dialogues are choppy at times, unnatural, but it could be a translation issue. The epilogue brought tears to my eyes and, at the end, I felt encouraged, comforted.
August 10, 2023
Ya había leído la versión manga de este ensayo (del cual no recuerdo mucho, honestamente), pero esta versión aporta muchísimo más sobre la experiencia del autor como activista por los derechos de la gente lgbtq+.
Desde sus vivencias escolares, hasta sus compañeros sexuales y parejas románticas, me agrada que Ryosuke es honesto en admitir cuando cometió errores o cuando fue desconsiderado, en general. Sobretodo porque advierte que no porque él haya hecho tal o cual cosa significa que todas las personas lgbtq son así.
Muy cierto eso.
Desde sus vivencias escolares, hasta sus compañeros sexuales y parejas románticas, me agrada que Ryosuke es honesto en admitir cuando cometió errores o cuando fue desconsiderado, en general. Sobretodo porque advierte que no porque él haya hecho tal o cual cosa significa que todas las personas lgbtq son así.
Muy cierto eso.
September 7, 2023
Siempre es interesante conocer las realidades LGBT de otros países y otras culturas. He de admitir que la actitud del autor ante algunas situaciones a las que se enfrenta me llegó a chocar en varias ocasiones, pero soy consciente de que no soy el público objetivo de este libro. Como el propio autor dice en la nota del final, espero que llegue a quien tiene que llegar y ayude a quien tiene que ayudar.
June 19, 2025
More like a 3.5 tbh. I appreciate Ryousuke's courage to talk about the messy, unhinged parts of growing up gay in a conservative society. He doesn't shy away from sharing his ugly teenage thoughts fueled by shame and desire.
The writing is accessible, the tone casual (sometimes a tad too much but hey—your memoir, your choice—I'm just here to witness his life crammed in 300-something pages).
But those triple exclamation points were definitely a choice. My hands were itching for my trusted red ink.
The writing is accessible, the tone casual (sometimes a tad too much but hey—your memoir, your choice—I'm just here to witness his life crammed in 300-something pages).
But those triple exclamation points were definitely a choice. My hands were itching for my trusted red ink.
February 8, 2023
Autobiographical/Essay/Memoir
Unique writing style.
Raw and sometimes itchy but you truly understand the motivation.
Culture on display, grab it, drink it and die! ✨
May update and add details later XD
Unique writing style.
Raw and sometimes itchy but you truly understand the motivation.
Culture on display, grab it, drink it and die! ✨
May update and add details later XD
October 8, 2023
Interesting memoir of a gay Japanese activist. Very authentic, which was appreciated, but his writing is superficial at times. All the parts of a moving journey were present, but they never managed to evoke as much of an emotional response as it could’ve due to the lack of artfulness in his writing. Still, though, a worthy read.
September 30, 2023
Just as good as i expected
June 18, 2024
Such a great read for pride month 🏳️🌈 (or any month)!!
I would absolutely recommend this book to others. I would love to learn more about the behind the scenes of the work he has done for the LGBTQ+ community in Japan.
I would absolutely recommend this book to others. I would love to learn more about the behind the scenes of the work he has done for the LGBTQ+ community in Japan.
March 10, 2023
4.5 ⭐️
This book is written by a gay man who was refused to hold an official wedding ceremony because same-sex marriage is not legal in his country. Japan, the land of BL (boys love) manga and probably the biggest importer of it to the rest of the world, is the home of Ryousuke Nanasaki who is not allowed to love and live the way he wants. And thus he gathers all the courage to talk about it.
There is also a manga version of this book but I really wanted to read this essay novel because I thought it would offer a bit more details. And I have to tell you I was really amazed by the vastness of thoughts and emotions, it is very raw and vulnerable, the author really put himself out there talking about his struggles with an idea of being “normal” at a young age, fighting crushes on his very straight classmates and close friends, trying to date, dealing with possessive or delusional boyfriends and finally meeting the right partner who he was willing to marry despite all the obstacles and legal challenges.
The little thing that took away half a star from my rating was the briefness of Ryousuke’s life-changing relationship. He didn’t talk much about it, definitely not in such details as he did about his past encounters. Maybe it was a way of preserving his and his partner (husband I should say)’ privacy. That’s why the end of the book felt a bit crumpled and rushed. Still I have to emphasise that it didn’t diminish my high praise for this essay.
This is a very brave and sincere book full of emotions that you know are real because this is not a novel, this is life. Life of a gay man in Japan that is full of doubts, concerns, miserable thoughts but also full of hope, joy and love.
As far as I know Japan still doesn’t recognise same-sex marriage. Some jurisdictions offer symbolic partnership certificates which extend some rights that apply to married heterosexual couples but there is still a long way to go before the rainbow community of Japan will have equal rights with “straight” people.
This book is one of the small steps in this direction though. It gives hope and reassurance that love is love after all.
This book is written by a gay man who was refused to hold an official wedding ceremony because same-sex marriage is not legal in his country. Japan, the land of BL (boys love) manga and probably the biggest importer of it to the rest of the world, is the home of Ryousuke Nanasaki who is not allowed to love and live the way he wants. And thus he gathers all the courage to talk about it.
There is also a manga version of this book but I really wanted to read this essay novel because I thought it would offer a bit more details. And I have to tell you I was really amazed by the vastness of thoughts and emotions, it is very raw and vulnerable, the author really put himself out there talking about his struggles with an idea of being “normal” at a young age, fighting crushes on his very straight classmates and close friends, trying to date, dealing with possessive or delusional boyfriends and finally meeting the right partner who he was willing to marry despite all the obstacles and legal challenges.
The little thing that took away half a star from my rating was the briefness of Ryousuke’s life-changing relationship. He didn’t talk much about it, definitely not in such details as he did about his past encounters. Maybe it was a way of preserving his and his partner (husband I should say)’ privacy. That’s why the end of the book felt a bit crumpled and rushed. Still I have to emphasise that it didn’t diminish my high praise for this essay.
This is a very brave and sincere book full of emotions that you know are real because this is not a novel, this is life. Life of a gay man in Japan that is full of doubts, concerns, miserable thoughts but also full of hope, joy and love.
As far as I know Japan still doesn’t recognise same-sex marriage. Some jurisdictions offer symbolic partnership certificates which extend some rights that apply to married heterosexual couples but there is still a long way to go before the rainbow community of Japan will have equal rights with “straight” people.
This book is one of the small steps in this direction though. It gives hope and reassurance that love is love after all.
October 25, 2022
really good and striking memoir. reads fast and smoothly, i downed it in two hours. contrary to the marketing, this is really not about nanasaki's wedding or even current relationship - the "until" in the title pulls a lot of weight. instead it's about his struggles with growing up gay and his turbulent dating life until he met his husband. nanasaki speaks candidly about the many times he acted like a jerk in response to the depression and pressures of homophobia, which feels admirable in how honest he is. the depressing and turbulent picture of gay dating life in tokyo as told through nanasaki's snapshots reminded me of american essays i've read, such as the famous "the epidemic of gay loneliness", about the internal problems and struggles of the gay male community and how ultimately those are caused or influenced by the external pressures of homophobia. i saw a lot of similarities with those experiences even across the differences in culture and it made me sad. however this is counterbalanced by nanasaki's activism and constant push for change and a better world, both throughout the memoir in his scenes of hoping to be married someday and directly addressing the reader. the hopeful epilogue was really moving to me. there is a kind of urgency to his calls to action that feels more passionate and confident than stressful. i think what he says at one point about needing to be greedy for a better world really stuck with me and sums up the tone of much of this memoir.
have to say i was not altogether fond of the translation i read, by molly lee. it seemed to be aiming for an informal tone that it couldn't quite stick the landing of in places, and occasional attempts at slang feel jarring and out-of-place when one recognizes the slang as appropriated aave (at one point the word simp was used. come on now.) too many words italicized for unnecessary emphasis also
have to say i was not altogether fond of the translation i read, by molly lee. it seemed to be aiming for an informal tone that it couldn't quite stick the landing of in places, and occasional attempts at slang feel jarring and out-of-place when one recognizes the slang as appropriated aave (at one point the word simp was used. come on now.) too many words italicized for unnecessary emphasis also
Read
January 27, 2023I bought this at YALC and I've been dipping in and out of it for months, but I finally sat down and finished the whole thing last week. It's a very quick and pacey read and the kind of book you could finish in a day if you've got an uninterrupted period of a few hours.
Ryousuke has a very distinctive narrative voice and, as someone who didn't realise they were queer until their mid-twenties, it was really interesting to read about his experiences of knowing he was gay from a very young age. There was a relatively equal balance of sad moments to humour and uplifting stories, and I enjoyed the way the book got progressively more hopeful as Ryousuke grew up, accepted his identity, and began to live openly and fall in love.
There are multiple mentions of suicide ideation so I would have liked this to have been more thoroughly addressed towards the end of the book and it would have been good to have a list of resources for readers who may be feeling the same way.
I also wanted the author to spend more time narrating how he fell in love with his husband, as this only takes up a very small portion of the book at the end. But, in the final chapters, he does hint that there may be another book about that, so if that's the case, I'd likely to pick up that one too. Overall though, this was an enjoyable, uplifting read, with a lot of introspection and self-evaluation towards the end.
Content warnings for bullying, drug abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, homophobia, infidelity, depression, suicide ideation, toxic relationship.
Ryousuke has a very distinctive narrative voice and, as someone who didn't realise they were queer until their mid-twenties, it was really interesting to read about his experiences of knowing he was gay from a very young age. There was a relatively equal balance of sad moments to humour and uplifting stories, and I enjoyed the way the book got progressively more hopeful as Ryousuke grew up, accepted his identity, and began to live openly and fall in love.
There are multiple mentions of suicide ideation so I would have liked this to have been more thoroughly addressed towards the end of the book and it would have been good to have a list of resources for readers who may be feeling the same way.
I also wanted the author to spend more time narrating how he fell in love with his husband, as this only takes up a very small portion of the book at the end. But, in the final chapters, he does hint that there may be another book about that, so if that's the case, I'd likely to pick up that one too. Overall though, this was an enjoyable, uplifting read, with a lot of introspection and self-evaluation towards the end.
Content warnings for bullying, drug abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, homophobia, infidelity, depression, suicide ideation, toxic relationship.
August 25, 2025
i bought this book three years ago and can't believe i've only just gotten around to it. i remember being so excited to read it at the time, but you know how that goes. as readers, we can very easily get distracted with other books. anyways....
i don't know if it's something to do with the translation here, or maybe it actually was the writing, but there's something here that didn't quite click with me.
there's a lot that i could relate to here, especially in the earlier chapters/essays. the me from three years ago would be caught dead publicly admitting this (not because there's anything wrong/unnatural with the experiences depicted here, but being private/hyperaware of my image was a defense mechanism i used for many years), especially when it came to the cringier/embarassing/deeply personal moments shared here: wanting to belong in such a simple manner that everyone else around you assumes you're asking the world of them, the shameful yet euphoric feeling you have when your desires manifest themselves in the most unorthodox ways, and enjoying the simple moments of life.
the latter half, however, is where this loses me. i am not the type of person who expects the people i befriend, admire, or subscribe to to be monoliths of their community. in fact, i am vehemently opposed to that. we contain multitudes, and pressuring someone to be a perfect representative of a community is unfair, disingenuous, and counter-productive. that aside, i feel that memoirs are a perfect place to reflect on past experiences and behaviors. while there is some of that going on here, there are a lot of missed opportunities. i won't judge too deeply however, as this is someone's life and they can only recount how they experienced it.
also, there were some moments here that we were allowed to linger on (which i found to be some of the most poignant essays in the entire book), and there were some moments that passed by so quickly you lose sight of them in the larger narrative. i think this is what really took me out of the experience the most, but i enjoyed reading this nonetheless. if it interests you, pick it up. it's worth it.
i will now leave you with some of my favorite excerpts.
"Personally, I was really happy about the lecture he gave us. You might think this sounds bizarre but consider my perspective. All through elementary school and junior high school, I had endured dozens of critical remarks about my effeminate behavior: Don't be an attention hog. Make male friends. Sit like a man. Run like a man. Act like a man. This time, however, despite being described as girly, I wasn't rebuked for it. Instead, I was scolded for something reasonable, like being disruptive on a bus. That made me happy."
"As the eastern skies transformed from pale blue to glittering orange, the city below came into view. This was Sapporo, our hometown. How many people were sound asleep in their beds right now? What problems did they face? What dreams were they chasing? Surely they were all out there fighting to overcome their troubles and live happy lives. Living is hard work, after all - not just for me but for everyone, I thought."
"So began my first crush.... all thanks to some armpit hair."
"She was allowed to fall in love and be loved in return. She got to move in with her boyfriend. Those same things would never happen for me. What did it feel like to have those feelings reciprocated? What did it feel like to make a relationship official? What did it feel like to kiss someone you were in love with? To hold them in your arms? To live with them under the same roof?"
i don't know if it's something to do with the translation here, or maybe it actually was the writing, but there's something here that didn't quite click with me.
there's a lot that i could relate to here, especially in the earlier chapters/essays. the me from three years ago would be caught dead publicly admitting this (not because there's anything wrong/unnatural with the experiences depicted here, but being private/hyperaware of my image was a defense mechanism i used for many years), especially when it came to the cringier/embarassing/deeply personal moments shared here: wanting to belong in such a simple manner that everyone else around you assumes you're asking the world of them, the shameful yet euphoric feeling you have when your desires manifest themselves in the most unorthodox ways, and enjoying the simple moments of life.
the latter half, however, is where this loses me. i am not the type of person who expects the people i befriend, admire, or subscribe to to be monoliths of their community. in fact, i am vehemently opposed to that. we contain multitudes, and pressuring someone to be a perfect representative of a community is unfair, disingenuous, and counter-productive. that aside, i feel that memoirs are a perfect place to reflect on past experiences and behaviors. while there is some of that going on here, there are a lot of missed opportunities. i won't judge too deeply however, as this is someone's life and they can only recount how they experienced it.
also, there were some moments here that we were allowed to linger on (which i found to be some of the most poignant essays in the entire book), and there were some moments that passed by so quickly you lose sight of them in the larger narrative. i think this is what really took me out of the experience the most, but i enjoyed reading this nonetheless. if it interests you, pick it up. it's worth it.
i will now leave you with some of my favorite excerpts.
"Personally, I was really happy about the lecture he gave us. You might think this sounds bizarre but consider my perspective. All through elementary school and junior high school, I had endured dozens of critical remarks about my effeminate behavior: Don't be an attention hog. Make male friends. Sit like a man. Run like a man. Act like a man. This time, however, despite being described as girly, I wasn't rebuked for it. Instead, I was scolded for something reasonable, like being disruptive on a bus. That made me happy."
"As the eastern skies transformed from pale blue to glittering orange, the city below came into view. This was Sapporo, our hometown. How many people were sound asleep in their beds right now? What problems did they face? What dreams were they chasing? Surely they were all out there fighting to overcome their troubles and live happy lives. Living is hard work, after all - not just for me but for everyone, I thought."
"So began my first crush.... all thanks to some armpit hair."
"She was allowed to fall in love and be loved in return. She got to move in with her boyfriend. Those same things would never happen for me. What did it feel like to have those feelings reciprocated? What did it feel like to make a relationship official? What did it feel like to kiss someone you were in love with? To hold them in your arms? To live with them under the same roof?"
August 27, 2022
🇩🇪Es ist für mich das erste Mal, dass ich sowas biographisches lese, aber es war sehr interessant. Nanasaki hat meinen vollsten Respekt, dass er seine Lebensgeschichte so ungeschminkt aufs Papier gebracht hat. Selbst wenn es um sein Sexleben ging (an der Stelle, wurde es mir unangenehm, weil es sich zu privat angefühlt hat und als sollte ich das nicht lesen, aber ich verstehe, in welchen Zusammenhängen dies nötig war).
Er erzählt vom langen Weg, seine Sexualität selbst zu akzeptieren, was in seiner Gesellschaft wirklich nicht einfach war. Mehr als einmal hatte ich das Bedürfnis sein früheres Ich zu umarmen.
Ich wusste, dass Japan nicht ganz so offen mit den Themen der LGBT-Community umgeht wie es Medieninhalte voller BL und GL, die massig in den Westen rüberschwappen, vermuten lassen. Dennoch war ich oft genug sehr geschockt, frustriert und fühlte mich fast schon selbst angegriffen. Deshalb freut es mich umso mehr, dass er am Ende das Glück gefunden hat, was er suchte.
Ich wünsche ihm und seinem Mann weiterhin alles Gute und dass die Gesellschaft Schritt für Schritt ihren Horizont erweitert.
🇬🇧It's my first time reading something biographical, but it was very interesting. Nanasaki has my utmost respect for putting his life story down on paper so unvarnished. Even when it came to his sex life (at this point, I felt uncomfortable because it felt too personal and like I shouldn't read it, but I understand the contexts in which this was necessary).
He talks about the long road to accepting his own sexuality, which was really not easy in his society. More than once I felt the need to hug his former self.
I knew Japan wasn't quite as open about LGBT community issues as BL and GL-packed media content spilling over the West in bulk might suggest. Nevertheless, I was often very shocked, frustrated and almost felt attacked myself. That's why I'm all the happier that he finally found the happiness he was looking for.
I wish him and his husband all the best and that society expands its horizons step by step.
Er erzählt vom langen Weg, seine Sexualität selbst zu akzeptieren, was in seiner Gesellschaft wirklich nicht einfach war. Mehr als einmal hatte ich das Bedürfnis sein früheres Ich zu umarmen.
Ich wusste, dass Japan nicht ganz so offen mit den Themen der LGBT-Community umgeht wie es Medieninhalte voller BL und GL, die massig in den Westen rüberschwappen, vermuten lassen. Dennoch war ich oft genug sehr geschockt, frustriert und fühlte mich fast schon selbst angegriffen. Deshalb freut es mich umso mehr, dass er am Ende das Glück gefunden hat, was er suchte.
Ich wünsche ihm und seinem Mann weiterhin alles Gute und dass die Gesellschaft Schritt für Schritt ihren Horizont erweitert.
🇬🇧It's my first time reading something biographical, but it was very interesting. Nanasaki has my utmost respect for putting his life story down on paper so unvarnished. Even when it came to his sex life (at this point, I felt uncomfortable because it felt too personal and like I shouldn't read it, but I understand the contexts in which this was necessary).
He talks about the long road to accepting his own sexuality, which was really not easy in his society. More than once I felt the need to hug his former self.
I knew Japan wasn't quite as open about LGBT community issues as BL and GL-packed media content spilling over the West in bulk might suggest. Nevertheless, I was often very shocked, frustrated and almost felt attacked myself. That's why I'm all the happier that he finally found the happiness he was looking for.
I wish him and his husband all the best and that society expands its horizons step by step.
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