The Inner Lover: Passion as a way to self-empowerment

by Valerie Harms

Understanding why we are intensely attracted to certain people can lead us to the "Inner Lover," a creative aspect of our own nature. Valerie Harms observes that the images, feelings, and fantasies that are aroused when we fall in love in brief encounters and lasting bonds, in unrequited and "impossible" relationships—are the key to hidden potentials within ourselves. In this book, she presents techniques of journaling, dreamwork, and imaginal dialogues to guide the reader on an adventure of self-discovery in which the powerful energies of love may be transformed into creativity and fulfillment. This book is part memoir, categorized in the genres of personal growth, psychology, relationships.

208 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 30, 1992

About the author

Some steppingstones of my life: Smith College, 3 years in France with a new husband. Back in the U.S., with 2 children, I helped establish a Montessori school. A feminist, my first book was Unmasking: Ten Women in Metamorphosis (1973). My religion became depth psychology & nature. A passion for Anais Nin led to joint projects, two more books and the founding of Magic Circle Press. When Elvis Presley died, I resurrected my memorabilia of encounters with him and published the story of his life. (Atheneum). Authored 2 children's books. For 20 years I’ve been an Intensive Journal consultant and C.G. Jung scholar. Working with the National Audubon Society in NYC on global environmental problems, I came to see how humans are inextricably woven into the web of nature and how essential it is to heal this relationship. I began life in Chicago, lived many years in Weston, CT, now live in Bozeman, MT.

Reviews

[Christy Baker · Rating 1 out of 5]

This promised to be more self-help oriented with techniques that intrigued me (usage of Jungian techniques, myth, journaling, dreamwork, etc.), but I found it was far more an accounting of the author's own life and experience with relationships than it was a straightforward discussion of techniques or psychological principles. It is one thing to draw on one's own life for the occasional example, but this ended up feeling more like reading someone's personal processing and their own therapeutic process rather than a guide for anyone else. Had I been expecting a memoir, it might have been fine, but I was interested in the concept of self love it purported to present. There was some of that present, but I felt it was too embedded in between all of Harms personal life stories to be of ready use so ended up skimming much of the latter half of the book.

[Denise Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grabbed a used copy of this book years ago and it changed my life. I regularly recommend it, and am so glad to see it seems to be back in print.
I used to be very, very prone to intense crushes. Through an approach inspired by Jungian analysis, this book helped me understand that intense passion for someone else is often a desire to integrate aspects of the other person that we feel we are lacking. Falling in love or crushing on someone can be a way of trying to possess those characteristics. This was incredibly empowering for me!
I haven't reread the book in years, but I'm planning to do so now. I wonder what other important lessons I might glean from it now!

[Christine Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Profound and life changing: perfect for the person that overly focuses on external romantic relationships and crushes.

The theme of this book is that romantic relationships have two sides: external (between you and the person) and internal (between you and what that person represents to you). Harms focuses on the latter, detailing that this is where powerful inner work can be done. By communicating with the version of this person in your head, you can access the qualities you admire from them and learn more about who you are.

At times this book seems a bit wacky, but I deeply admire Valerie Harms for her vulnerability and personal anecdotes. It made her theory so compelling and interesting to read. I highly recommend this book and lend it out to my friends regularly.

[Amber Middlebrook · Rating 5 out of 5]

A deeply moving and meaningful read for me. I cried through much of the author’s recollections of her childhood and adolescence. Her vulnerability and willingness to walk us through her life story offered a powerful, lived example of the process in action. I appreciated how layered and personal the book was, it mirrored many aspects of my own journey, especially with my deep interest in Jungian work and my participation in the Ira Progoff at a journal workshop, which she also did.

[Mykelti · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book quite randomly at the thrift store and grabbed it, as I am very interested in the way our love for others reflects in love for ourselves. I connected a lot to some of the ideas in this books, but wish the author had flushed them out more — the first chapter really interested me, but I thought it became a little repetitive.

[Oneal Isaac · Rating 3 out of 5]

A great book for those who like Jungian psychology and how to use passion to get things done. 3 stars

[Valerie Harms]

I'm the author but it is one I've received most letters of gratitude about.