The Value of Wrinkles: A Young Perspective on How Loving the Old Will Change Your Life

by Isabel Tom

That Wasn't A White Hair, Was It?


We’re so afraid of aging that we begin to devalue ourselves and others with each passing year. The phrase "30 years old" incites panic. Seniors live in separate communities and barely interact with young people, while middle-aged people spend millions each year on anti-aging products.


But what if we have it all wrong? Isabel Tom grew up living with grandparents and has spent over a decade of her career serving older adults. In The Value of Wrinkles she:


Teaches you what the elderly offer us that we cannot live without
Challenges our cultural beliefs and practices that affect those who are aging
Gives you practical insight on how to care for those older than you

Genres: Personal Development

240 pages, Paperback

Published March 3, 2020

Reviews

[JR · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book was beautiful & refreshing, giving me eyes for a generation i overlook. the authors love for the elderly is contagious a moved me to little tiny tears at kit coffee.

[Todd Liddell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book couldn’t have come into my life at a better time (thanks jr)! Halfway through the book, my last grandparent experienced a rapid decline in health. The value of wrinkles definitely inspired me to take advantage of the time we have with our elders. Loving old people is hard but so worth it 🥲

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Value of Wrinkles is a sweet, honest and informative guide on loving our elders. In a society that values youth, productivity, efficiency, and beauty, this book is a refreshing reminder that older adults have lived rich lives just like ours, and they deserve to be respected for their wisdom and unique contributions to our lives.

This book would be especially useful for adults who care for the elderly (parents, grandparents, older clients etc). The author illustrates her experiences growing up in a multigenerational home. She discusses how the advantages and challenges of this living situation affected her desire to be an expert in the field of aging.

I loved this book! I like how the author acknowledged that caring for the elderly is not always an easy job. I took away so many tips that I can apply to my role as a geriatric nurse as well as a granddaughter. And when it comes time for me to take care of my aging parents, I know I’ll be pulling this one off my shelf again.

[Manmanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Splendid! After reading this book, I learned to appreciate and love the elderly in my life a lot more. This book truly brings out the values of older people. When the rest of the world and society focus on the young, this book uncovers the hidden gem in older people. I love that the author lived and worked in the aging population at such a young age. Her unique experience provides practical examples in how we should and need to care for the older adults. There is so much wisdom and application to every person's life. I highly recommend reading this book to learn to love, respect, appreciate, and spoil the older people in your life!

[Talya Frelick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading this book! Isabel Tom had great insight on how we can strengthen our relationships with the older adults in our lives and in our communities. She reminds us to show the older generation the same love, respect, and value that we more often afford to the youngest and healthiest among us. As a mother of young children, Isabel Tom's personal stories were relatable and made me think more deeply about my own life and family experience. This is definitely a worthwhile read for people of all ages.

[Garret Vo · Rating 5 out of 5]

An enjoyable book fulls with Isabel’s experience and stories from her childhood in the inter generations family. The book gives an overview of caring for elders and what elders think as well as how to care for them. I believe this book should be on every American household as we will have more elders in the future due to the baby boomer generation. We need to be ready and learn how to take care of them. I strongly recommend this book as a starter

[Sarah Brewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed The Value of Wrinkles so much! Not only are the personal stories interesting, but at the end of each chapter she has a notes sections that includes helpful tips on each topic. When I read a book like this, practical tips are of utmost importance. And don't want a bunch of platitudes, I want HELP. This book delivers.

[Andrea C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sweet, insightful and highly important for any young adult to read as they reconcile with the changes they and their loved ones will go through in aging.

[Lise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rare to come across a book on this topic. Well written.

[Kathleen Garber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t know if I have the words to properly explain what a great book this is. My parents are just approaching their senior years and I have a Bubby (grandmother) who is in her 80s and lives in an assisted living facility.

I will admit though that old age scares me a little bit. Not so much me getting old (I don’t pluck or hide my grey hair,) but dealing with older people. That’s really a problem with a lot of people though. Isabel Tom addresses these issues and more.

The author grew up with her grandparents living with her (Mama and YeYe) as well as her parents and siblings. Not only that she also has served in the senior and hospice field for years. She knows seniors. She has seen old age and I don’t just mean the “scary” parts like death or sickness. She has seen what the elderly have to offer us.

“Our negative perceptions toward aging aren’t confined to our minds or even to the wall of our home. Our negative views poison the individuals around us, and they can even endanger the entire older adult population. In 2018, older adults accounted for sixteen percent of the population, an estimated 52.3 million people. By 2040, that number is projected to jump to 82.3 million older adults.” The Value of Wrinkles by Isabel Tom pg 25

Throughout the book, the author includes quotes from senior citizens and some younger adults, some happy and some sad.

She also includes a Take Notes section to help you rethink what the chapter was about and help you change how you act or think about the topic at hand. For example in in the chapter I’ve Got Time for You the Take Notes section talks about how to talk to older adults. It gives ideas of how to open up conversation when you feel awkward and what sorts of questions to ask different types of adults.

She covers chapters on:

dealing with our thoughts on old age
how to make time for your loved ones who are advancing in age
how invitations can make all the difference
stories from her years working with the elderly
how an older person is an untapped resource
how you should step up
what to do with an older person who is irritable and argumentative
how you can turn sadness as an older family member’s decline into gratitude for what they can do
how the term it takes a village to raise a child should also include to care for the elderly
what the sweet spot is and how to take advantage of it
stories of her Mama’s last years
how the way your life is now will dictate how your elderly life will be and changes you may want to make now
how to make sure an older person’s last years, months or weeks include a good send off.

The author does an amazing job of tackling issues we sometimes find uncomfortable and if enough people read her book and practice it’s ideas, hopefully we can start to see old age as a wonderous time, instead of the end of our good years.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a gem on a topic that isn't often discussed. The elderly are often marginalized in our youth-obsessed society, yet Isabel Tom graciously elevates them to the place of honor they deserve.

She tells many stories of living with her elderly grandparents, then making elderly care her career of choice. These stories are delightful and clearly demonstrate her deep love for members of the Greatest Generation.

As the oldest grandchild and great-grandchild on both sides of my family, I have been richly blessed with the types of relationships Isabel describes. My grandparents were anchors for me after my parents divorced, and they also provided priceless childcare to my children. Most of all, they modeled a quiet, steady faith in God, which has shaped me to be who I am today.

Many of us feel lonely and perhaps orphan-like in our broken families. Why not learn how to reach out to the older generation, whether related by blood or not? Isabel explains not only the blessings older people have to offer us, but practical ways on how to engage with them in meaningful ways.

An excellent book on an important topic. Will make my top 20 list for 2020 as well.

I received a preview copy of The Value of Wrinkles from Moody Publishers.

[Floyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Isabel Tom grew up with grandparents living right next door to her - literally, they shared a bedroom wall in the same house. Her chosen ministry while attending Houghton College was to serve the senior adults in her community by making weekly visits to their living facilities. Her first “real” job out of college was an opportunity to explore the various ways care was provided to the elderly (defined, for the sake of the book, to be those aged 65 and up). Now, 15 years later, she writes about her experiences, what she has learned, and what others can value when spending time with the elderly in our communities. Ms. Tom continues to work with the elderly even as she raises her own children.

The book is about ministering to those 65 and older. How to listen to them, how to learn from them, and how to value them. She allows the reader to appreciate those who are sometimes left out of modern western society and under-valued by a world that can quickly pass them by. The book is not a “how-to” book, but it is practical. It comes full of hints on how to begin conversations, how we (at any age) can empower them in age-appropriate ways, and encouraging the reader to learn from those who have lived life before us.

The book is a must-read for all those who will interact with their elders - whether on the job, in a faith community, or within our families. The book would be of value to teens trying to navigate their grandparents - whether they are physically present or living some distance away. The Value of Wrinkles will provide hints to youth leaders on ways that their charges can minister to and learn from those at the other end of life’s spectrum. Pastors will find new ways to interact with their aging congregations. Parents will find suggestions for encouraging their children to discover the lives of their grandparents and great-grandparents.

The bottom line is that “if you interact with the elderly, this book will support your contact with them.” It belongs on the shelves of public libraries, church libraries, and on the desk of ministry professionals.
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It should be noted that this book is written by a graduate of the nearby college supported by my denomination. This being said, I do not know or had contact with the author. This review is based on a free electronic copy provided by the publisher for the purpose of creating this review. The opinions expressed are my own.

[Marie Chan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be a great resource as I care for my aging parents. Although the principles Isabel shares are universal, I really connected to her stories of growing up in a multigenerational Chinese American family that she used to illustrate her points.

This book reminds me that it is worthwhile to be intentional and make preparations to spend quality time building relationships with our elders and lists practical steps on how to do so. I like how the book offers insights on how to balance when to help older adults, and when to let them do things independently. The book addresses the reality of the tension that can arise in caring for elders and gives practical suggestions on how to love older adults that may have challenging behaviors. Most importantly, Isabel emphasizes that even if seniors may be declining in their health, that does not define their worth; they can still bless us with the gift of their presence.

[Heather Day · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and I will be highly recommending it to others!

I had the pleasure of meeting Isabel at a conference and picked up this book that day. So that gave me the unique opportunity to write her a personal email. Here’s what I shared with her:

“Your book is so good and spoke to me in so many ways! I saw my own parents and in-laws in the things you wrote.

“In particular, I was moved to tears reading the chapter on the sitting years. This gave me new perspective on my dad, as I’ve really struggled with his declining health over the past few years. I needed to hear what you had to say.

“Thank you for writing this book and being faithful to what God is calling you to do! It matters, and it certainly made a difference for me.”

[Denise Reed · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had the privilege of attending a training with author and it was amazing. This book is encouraging us to develop a compassionate attitude towards the elderly. Helpful suggestions of developing healthy relationships with older relatives

[Heather Bennett · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Value of Wrinkles is a good book that people should read about the elderly. It is well and i informative.