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No More Nice Girls: Gender, Power, and Why It’s Time to Stop Playing by the Rules

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A ground-breaking, insightful book about women and power from award-winning journalist Lauren McKeon, which shows how women are disrupting the standard (very male) vision of power, ditching convention, and building a more equitable world for everyone.

In the age of girl bosses, Beyoncé, and Black Widow, we like to tell our little girls they can be anything they want when they grow up, except they’ll have to work twice as hard, be told to “play nice,” and face countless double standards that curb their personal, political, and economic power. Women today remain a surprisingly, depressingly long way from gender and racial equality. It’s worth asking: Why do we keep playing a game we were never meant to win?

Award-winning journalist and author of F-Bomb: Dispatches from the War on Feminism, Lauren McKeon examines the many ways in which our institutions are designed to keep women and other marginalized genders at a disadvantage. In doing so, she reveals why we need more than parity, visible diversity, and lone female CEOs to change this power game. She talks to people doing power differently in a variety of sectors and uncovers new models of power. And as the toxic, divisive, and hyper-masculine style of leadership gains ground, she underscores why it’s time to stop playing by the rules of a rigged game.

352 pages, Paperback

First published March 3, 2020

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562 people want to read

About the author

Lauren McKeon

5 books15 followers
Lauren McKeon is an award-winning editor and writer. She is the former editor of This Magazine and a contributing editor at Toronto Life. Her essays have appeared in Hazlitt, Flare, the Walrus, and Reader's Digest, and she has spoken on gender issues at conferences and seminars and on radio and television broadcasts. She teaches at Humber College.

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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
Profile Image for Anne Logan.
663 reviews
July 2, 2020
Although this book was published right before the recent Black Lives Matter protests and Coronavirus pandemic its publication is even more timely considering what’s gone on in the world since March. No More Nice Girls, Gender, Power, and Why it’s Time to Stop Playing by the Rules by Lauren McKeon is an examination of our current power structures and why they only seem to enable a specific part of the human population, mainly, the people who built these power structures centuries ago. I can already sense some of my readers rolling their eyes, so before you get any further: yes, this is a review of a book on feminist theory and yes, I recommend reading it, and yes, I agree with much of what it says (but not all!).

Book Summary

Lauren McKeon is a well-respected Canadian journalist who has written on this topic before. Her first book F-Bomb takes a deep dive into the anti-feminist movement and what drives it, while this, her second book is a look at the power structures that feminists are fighting against. It covers a wide range of topics; gender expectations in the workplace, women in corporate leadership roles, the history and re-emergence of women’s only clubs, the #metoo movement, Justin Trudeau’s particular brand of feminism, female roles in global politics, sexual violence as tool to oppress women, and so on. Obviously the idea of power holds a variety of definitions depending on the speaker, but McKeon does a thorough job of defining and giving examples of power structures, and the environments women continue to lack power within. She’s also quick to remind readers that her definition of ‘women’ is inclusive, so trans-gendered people, non-binary people, queer women, two-spirit people, they are all included in her argument for a new power that allows everyone a space at the table. And unlike her first book, which I complained didn’t have any references, this second book is FULL of them, so you know it’s been well-researched and fact-checked.

My Thoughts

As I read more books that examine women’s role in society, I find my perspective subtly shifting, viewing potential challenges, successes, and various issues through a different lens. I know most women will agree with me when I say the most drastic shift in perspective happens when you give birth to a child. It’s this moment, and the years that follow that really crystallize the fact that different things are expected of different genders. That in itself is not a problem and quite frankly, unavoidable, but as more is expected of women outside the home, why are we still shoehorned into the housewife role at the same time? How can we succeed at gaining power while thriving in a workplace built by those who only up until a few decades ago, preferred we stay at home? McKeon argues that our definition of power and success in business is one created by men, and unless we try to emulate them, we won’t be successful. But, for the women that DO emulate men, eschewing a traditional family life, dedicating all their time to work, potentially even losing their cool in a boardroom, these women are accused of being cold and calculating while behind their backs people wonder if they’re excelling at work to make up for a void in their personal life. Instead of being called ‘asservite’, they’re just known as ‘bitchy’. I think Taylor Swift highlights the double standards perfectly in her song and video “The Man”, which also happens to be a catchy tune 🙂


Simply complaining about the discrepancy between men and women’s expectations and roles doesn’t deserve any special mention because much of this we already know, but what sets this book apart is its suggestion that instead of trying to fit women into already existing structures, we build our own instead. McKeon studies female executives and their success or lack of it, and finds that women are much more likely to succeed if they are working within a gender balanced team. Women who are simply inserted into a male-dominated environment are subject to elevated levels of harassment, condescension, and criticism, so many of them move on or are fired because they don’t ‘fit with the existing team’. The author builds up on these findings to argue that re-imaging the typical work environment and hierarchy will benefit both genders, not just one or the other. To further exemplify this argument she visits gyms, co-operative work spaces, even women’s only clubs to demonstrate how an environment and it’s rules can shape the work (or lack of it) that gets done within it.

There is one point that McKeon makes that I wholeheartedly disagree with. She states that “There is arguably no public or private realm that pronatalism [the idea that parenthood should be the focus of everyone’s adult life] misses. In the workplace, it is what drives us to bring newborns to the office, what has us ask, by way of introduction, how many children a co-worker has, what lets those with children go home early and causes those without kids to pick up the office slack” (p. 262 of ARC). Ummmm what? Parents are leaving early and everyone else is picking up the slack? Maybe in some workplaces, but in the vast majority, people aren’t given exceptions to go pick up their kids early, and if they are, they’re making up for it later that night by working in the evening or getting into the office extra early. In fact, many working parents tend to be harder on themselves, forcing in extra hours whenever possible because they feel the ever-present “Mom guilt”, even in relation to their job and employer. The suggestion that parents are given a free pass at work is offensive to me, and the recent pandemic has proven my point; even though schools have been closed since March, parents were still expected to miraculously put in a full day of work (plus homeschooling!!!) while having their kids home with them. I can feel my blood pressure rising as I write this so I best wrap it up, but please, read this book, men and women alike, it will open your eyes to a better way of doing things.

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214 reviews1 follower
June 24, 2023
This was an enraging and thought provoking read. The author had some interesting perspectives on feminism in its different personifications that made me think, challenge my own ideas, and feel a lot of feelings. It made me think a lot about how we can work for equity for all humans within our current society, how we show up as women and if making it within the current structure is enough. It challenged my ideas on intersectionality and how we can achieve it. Parts of it were dry, though that could just be that I find basic politics dry, but this is well worth the read.
614 reviews
March 10, 2020
I think this would be great for a book club to discuss.
Profile Image for Alyanna Denise.
40 reviews
April 8, 2021
Find this review and others on my blog

“Any woman, or member of another equity-seeking group, who stands where white, straight, cisgender men usually do is certain to face violent backlash.”


While the first two books are about gender roles and data respectively, No More Nice Girls is all about power. Our definition of power, intellect, and success are still based on men. When we say scientist, president, doctor, CEO, professor, or leader, for example, it’s usually men that pop up into our heads. Hence, so much of feminism is about challenging power structures, and this is exactly what McKeon writes about with so much nuance in her book.

Yes, women do occupy positions of power right now. But McKeon questions whether this is even true equality. Women still need to work thrice as hard, emulate a hyper-masculine style of leadership, and play extra-nice to even achieve a position of power. And when the rare woman does get to the top, things are just as bad or even worse. Male subordinates don’t take them seriously–some even harass them–and they’re shamed for putting their careers first instead of their households. When women in power are assertive, they get called “bitchy,” “calculating,” and “cold” while their male counterparts are applauded for the same assertiveness. Women in positions of power are set up to fail. There’s no winning. Is this the equality we’ve been fighting for?

Clearly, there has to be better ways to achieve and wield power. So McKeon interviews women from different sectors on how they do power on their own terms. Some women established businesses that cater to women or aim for social betterment rather than for mere corporate profit; some created women-only spaces that ensure safety for women in the workplace; and some head workshops that teach girls how to feel comfortable saying “no,” among others. Instead of forcing themselves to play within a patriarchal society designed for them to lose, they just made their own spaces.

No More Nice Girls is very informative and covers a lot of ground. The book also discusses why diversity initiatives fail; the intersection between racism, sexism, and homophobia; Trudeau’s strategic but problematic brand of feminism; incels and misogynistic trolls; toxic masculinity; sexual violence and the #MeToo movement; and the motherhood penalty in the workplace; among others. Power erupts everywhere.

McKeon essentially asks us, “Do women want a place in the boys’ club, or should we just create a club of our own?” This book taught me that both are equally important and are complementary to each other in advancing women’s rights. There truly are so many ways to do feminism. And for all the bleak things No More Nice Girls reports on, this book still fills me with so much hope for the future because it gave me possibilities that I’ve never thought of before.

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Profile Image for Kate.
1,128 reviews57 followers
May 27, 2020
When it comes to positions of power women are often set up to fail. If the glass ceiling has come to dominate conversations on women and leadership, the idea of "glass cliff" has made a forceful play to replace it as a more pertinent metaphor."

Thoughts~
An intelligent read about elevating all women's status's in the world today regardless of race or class.

McKeon makes several smart, insightful arguments about female power in this world, showing discouraging current statistics of just how far away women are from equal gender and racial equality. But offers hope for the future of what it could be like if women were truly powerful.

She covers a lot of ground. Toxic masculinity, the #metoo movement, global masculinity, sexual harrassment, Trump and much much more. She looks back in history at early feminism, women only clubs, and white female privilege. As you can imagine there is a lot of to say about male dominanted politics, Canadian and American. I did find the sections regarding insight into Canadian politics and Trudeau quite interesting.

This book is incredibly well-researched and reads easily. I didn't once find it preachy. If you enjoy a deep dive on feminism and feminist theory look no further!

Thank You to the publisher for sending me this book opinions are my own.

For more of my book content check out instagram.com/bookalong
Profile Image for rabble.ca.
176 reviews46 followers
Read
April 16, 2020
Review by Jessica Rose:

From the time we're young, the world tells girls not to take up too much space. Be nice, we're told. Be small. Don't be too loud. Yet, there's another message women and girls of recent generations have been fed on repeat: You can be whatever you want to be. But the road to leadership and achievement is one lined by institutional and systemic barriers. According to No More Nice Girls: Gender, Power, and Why It's Time to Stop Playing By the Rules, a new book by journalist Lauren McKeon, current power structures aren't built for women to succeed.

"Women and others who've been historically excluded from power are more likely to battle gargoyles, to traverse rickety bridges (if there is a bridge at all), to leap over rusty spikes in the road. And god help them if they don't do it all while smiling," writes McKeon, the award-winning writer, editor, and author of the previous book F-Bomb: Dispatches from the War on Feminism. Often called "too nice" for leadership herself, McKeon has written a groundbreaking book that asks women to consider "that if all women are set up to fail, it stands to reason that Indigenous women, women of colour, women with disabilities, homeless and precariously housed women, and those who are LGBTQ+ are only set up to fail more and to fall harder."

Keep reading: https://rabble.ca/news/2020/03/women-...
Profile Image for Enid Wray.
1,473 reviews81 followers
May 19, 2020
The socialist-feminist academic in me loved this book (notwithstanding that it took me two months from the time I first picked it up to when I finished it - but that's life these days).

Well researched and well documented dissection and analysis of where we’re at today, how we got here, and creative ideas for how to get where we want to be.

This - in whole or in part- should be required reading for secondary school social justice, women’s studies and or APS courses… and for university level women’s studies courses.
Profile Image for Lynette Macleod.
32 reviews1 follower
March 11, 2021
I loved this book, especially because the writer is Canadian and she uses a lot of Canadian examples (including a fraught relationship with the popularity of Justin Trudeau, which I kind of share). I spend a lot of time reading about issues in American politics that’s it’s refreshing to remember my own country is also kind of a mess 😜
The book is data heavy, which depending on your tastes is either good or bad. I found one section I had to slog through a bit, but the rest held my rapt attention and made me mad, which is usually a good sign.
Profile Image for Rebecca Mac.
472 reviews
May 11, 2020
Very thought provoking book. Lots of great information about how society can be more inclusive for women, which benefits women and men alike. Important emphasis on intersectional feminism. I appreciated the focus on Canadian issues. Very dense, factual read, overwhelming at times. I felt like it could have benefited from more of a narrative through line to connect between chapters to make it easier to read, like how Robyn Doolittle did in Had It Coming.
Profile Image for Kathleen McRae.
1,640 reviews7 followers
February 7, 2021
I would like to have given this book at least 4 stars due to the fact it about women and how they have been treated and the hard hard fight to gain acceptance as equal human beings. I did not agree with the authors view on the Jodi Wilson-Raybould and Jane Philpott episode. I did not regard this episode as a feminist issue but a political move by Wilson-Raybould. This book does delve into many areas where women have truly been demeaned and shorn of value and I value that.
Profile Image for Claire Binkley.
2,332 reviews17 followers
February 7, 2024
I did not like this book very much. The reason why is that I remember that I have always been invited to a number of conferences in the past about empowering women in STEM, I think, since I was a thirteen-year old girl in middle school. It's discouraging to read that may have always gone to no good.

But on the other hand, it is still a good idea to try again...!
Profile Image for Krystle.
378 reviews
April 16, 2020
Such an empowering awesome book. I love how this book illustrates that girls can and are doing and being whoever they want to be. Many examples of powerful women are depicted in this book to inspire. Loved that Canadian women are also represented. An awesome book!
Profile Image for Andrea McDowell.
660 reviews419 followers
October 1, 2020
McKeon's take on 21st century feminism was well-written, well-researched, and conveyed with enough narrative structure to make it easily readable. She's up-front about her own position and privilege in society, but often seems unsure about how to discuss or resolve it. Probably unnecessary to say at this point, but the book definitely falls prey to the "and the disabled!" trope where it's acknowledged in a few sentences here and there that disabled women suffer the impacts of sexism more than the abled, but there's no specific interviews, research, or solutions pertaining to it.

Still, I appreciated the author's Canadian perspective and information, and her focus on redefining power rather than just finding places for equal numbers of women at the top.
Profile Image for Monica.
195 reviews7 followers
did-not-finish
November 22, 2020
Did not finish. I just can’t handle the heaviness of the material right now. But what I have read was engaging and well-researched. I especially appreciated all the Canadian examples since so much of the discussion of feminism is US-centric.
191 reviews
Read
May 17, 2020
Highly recommend, especially for my fellow Canadians. Well-researched, easy to read, and with actual solutions for change.
Profile Image for Jasmine.
28 reviews
January 1, 2023
Well written, and the only canadian specific look at feminism that I've encountered.
Profile Image for Rachel Souza.
110 reviews
January 28, 2023
everything starts locally and its nice to read a feminism and power book from a Canadian author writing from and interviewing those with a Canadian perspective
Profile Image for Catherine Letendre.
487 reviews14 followers
June 25, 2020
Malgré son titre accrocheur, ce livre est loin d’être un pep-talk sur la condition féminine. Ne pensez pas non plus y trouver des solutions, il vise surtout à nous éduquer plutôt qu’à nous inspirer. Toutefois, la connaissance étant le premier pas vers l’unité collective, sa lecture nous fait déjà faire un bout de chemin.

Écrit par une journaliste, il se lit comme un article rempli de faits, de témoignages, de cas vécus et d’études scientifiques. À 309 pages, vaut mieux le lire par petits morceaux afin d’assimiler son contenu gaiement. Un aspect particulièrement unique et franchement intéressant est le regard canadien qu’elle porte. Une vaste majorité des cas présentés provient de chez nous et sonne donc les cloches de notre village. Celui de Jody Wilson-Raybould, ancienne ministre de la Justice qui a démissionné en 2019 en accusant le Justin Trudeau et son entourage d'exercer des pressions contre elle, est particulièrement bien expliqué et documenté.

Le revers de la médaille est que l’on se retrouve avec une très grande collection de situations individuelles vécues par des femmes qui sont, oui connues et/ou représentatives de la population globale, mais qui transforme la lecture en une suite de situations très frustrantes et nous met dans une position constante d’impuissance. À l’inverse, une approche macro aurait probablement fait un portrait global plus flatteur, mais nous aurions alors mal saisi l’ampleur des impacts vécus au quotidien par beaucoup de femmes.

Au final, j’ai dû travailler fort pour mettre en forme et synthétiser son propos dans ma tête, les idées étant mal définies et étayées sans ordre précis, mais j’y ai tout de même retiré de grandes lignes très inspirantes.
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