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Things We Haven't Said: Sexual Violence Survivors Speak Out

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A powerful collection of poems, essays, letters, and interviews written by a diverse group of adults who survived sexual violence as children and adolescents. This anthology is a valuable resource to help teens upend stigma and create a better future.

208 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 27, 2018

18 people are currently reading
2445 people want to read

About the author

Erin E. Moulton

7 books109 followers
Erin E. Moulton writes books and tracks dead people. An experienced novelist, Erin is the author of Flutter, Tracing Stars, Chasing the Milky Way and Keepers of the Labyrinth. She is also the editor of Things We Haven’t Said: Sexual Violence Survivors Speak Out. In addition to her creative pursuits, Erin has over 12 years of experience tracking down interesting real-life questions at the reference desk and is an experienced librarian and genealogist. She holds a BA from Emerson College, an MFA in writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts and a certificate in genealogical research from Boston University. When she isn’t searching for just the right word or just the right clue, she can be found teaching people of all ages about writing, publishing and research. Visit her online at www.erinemoulton.com.

Listen to Teen Title Talk at http://teentitletalk.podbean.com/

Or subscribe to Erin's Newsletter at http://fburls.com/89-SL7PRcnV

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5 stars
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews
Profile Image for Erin Moulton.
Author 7 books109 followers
October 26, 2017
Honestly? As the editor I am totally and completely biased. I've had the privilege of editing this anthology. I've had the privilege of being a small part of this work that I think is incredibly powerful and incredibly important. But I have a few thoughts as you dive in.

1) This is tough stuff. There's no getting around that. But these survivors are here, talking, and frankly, they're incredible people with a lot of insight. Sometimes, the content can be uncomfortable, but the insights I've gained from moving beyond that discomfort, listening and engaging in conversation has given me so much.

2) I wish there was a universal cure for trauma. A universal insight that could make it all better. A universal story that everyone can relate to. But...there isn't. This book has so many perspectives, so many suggestions for coping and so many honest conversations about triumph and failure on the road to "recovery." There might be stories that resonate a whole lot with you. There might be some that don't. And another reader will likely have the opposite reaction. That's totally ok. We're all here.

3) This book isn't just for teen survivors. Let's face it, sexual violence toward children and adolescents is a real problem(Check the stats section at the back). We don't talk much about it because it's hard to face. But if we did talk about it, if we'd listen to survivor stories and validate their experiences and feelings, we'd be making leaps and bounds toward de-stigmatization. Let's do that.

4) Anthologists have donated their time and stories for this anthology and I've donated my time editing and organizing. Net proceeds of TWHS go to charity.

Take care of yourself and each other.
Profile Image for Ylenia.
1,088 reviews415 followers
September 10, 2018
3.75 stars
"The reason I wanted to share my story is because I believe that people should not suffer alone and should not feel like they are the only ones. You have a tribe out there, and even though you feel like you are the only one fighting, we are out there with you with our invisible swords."
-Aster Lee.

This is a collection of creative non-fiction (poetry, essays, diary entries, ect.), centered around the theme of sexual violence. These are survivors telling their stories.
At the end of every story there was a sort of interview to the author - to help clarify points of the story, to give advice.
It's hard to find the (right) words to review this, because all I remember is feeling really angry or sad while reading some of these pieces. There's no cute way to say that it's hard to read something when you're afraid you'll find someone telling your story.
Profile Image for Cynthia.
1,210 reviews231 followers
August 31, 2020
“I have spent three-quarters of my life in silence: sometimes imposed by myself, sometimes imposed by others, and almost always imposed by fear. I will not be silent anymore.” ~Shanyn Kay Sprague

I took my time with this one. With books like this, I think you have to. You need the space to process the emotions each story conjures. Just as it was important for the survivors to creatively tell their truths, it’s important for the reader to properly digest it. For some, this book might prove triggering, but it may also remind them that they are not alone. They need not suffer in silence. For others, it might prove distressing while actively building empathy within.

Each contributor has a unique tale of sexual assault to share and this is executed through poetry, letters, vignettes, and essays. Just as their experiences in the violence are individualistic, so are their methods of coping. One common thread is that any level of healing was found through being able to talk about what they had endured with safe supports.

“I’m not sure how one defines ‘recovered.’ I think that major events in our lives change us indelibly. Rape is, obviously, such an event. There are ways that I see the world and people differently… That’s not a failure to recover. It’s a realization that these scars are a factor in how I interact with others.” ~Melissa Marr

I remember last year when I read A False Report: A True Story of Rape in America by T. Christian Miller and Ken Armstrong (now titled Unbelievable), one thing that stood out for me and filled my heart with rage was that one of Marie’s foster mothers noted that Marie had not behaved the way one who had just been raped is expected to behave. There is no script to follow for this sort of thing. Each person WILL respond differently to the crime committed against his or her body. This is another reason why a book like Things We Haven’t Said proves to be an invaluable read. Readers will see how dramatically different each experience is and how dissimilar each victim’s response to the assault was. In creating space in this society for survivors to speak out, I think it is critical to compassionately comprehend that their reactions will not mirror anyone else’s and will not fit an image we’ve formed in our own minds.

“The more we listen, empathize, strategize, articulate, report sexual violence and utilize victim services, the more barriers collapse and perceptions change. When we do this, we come closer to minimizing risk and maximizing potential for a better society. One way to do that is by speaking out and telling our stories.” ~Erin Moulton

Things We Haven’t Said is a powerful and heartbreaking collection. I believe it is a must read for all. At the very least, I think it should be required reading for anyone working in the mental health field.

Despite the tough subject matter, know that there is hope and resilience tucked between these pages. The men and women who contributed to this book are true survivors.
Profile Image for Cody Roecker.
1,162 reviews
Want to read
March 20, 2016
This book is something I feel is very, very important.
182 reviews10 followers
March 26, 2018
Definitely a difficult read. I was worried about being triggered by some of the stories (it's has been years but it can happen). Fortunately that didn't happen but what did happen was how hearing these stories made me angry. Angry that anyone has to go through this.

The stories included were very candid and sometimes made me uncomfortable. They were more candid than I have ever been when I discuss my own abuse and made me feel that I haven't been honest enough at times. Honest with myself yes but maybe speaking about the details would have helped me heal a lot sooner than I did. I have talked about my own abuse for years but not "really". All the details have been left out of my story. I need to release them. I need to make a point of talking them over with someone.

After each story there is a small interview where the women answer questions about who they told, who heard them, what was most helpful during their recovery and more. What worked here is that each survivor's story has a follow up questionnaire to their writing piece giving you even more information to where they are now and providing other survivors with other resources.

The brave woman in this book who told their stories in their own words and in their own way are heroes. I hope that anyone who reads this who has been silent will find their own voice and use it so make sure that are never hurt, disrespected, or scared again.

Praying this book gets into the hands of those who really need it.
Profile Image for Chelsey.
708 reviews
May 9, 2018
25 adult survivors of sexual violence speak out about their experiences in short stories, poems, and letters. These are difficult to get through but are vitally important. I particularly appreciated the interviews with the authors that closed out each entry.
2,261 reviews25 followers
March 14, 2019
This is a worthwhile book about sexual violence from 25 people telling their own stories of what happened to them. Each brief account is followed by some questions and answers, and then a brief summary of the person and what she (most are female) has done since and is doing now.

These stories are accounts of terrible tragedies imposed on innocent people, but in every case the targets survived and are now doing well although it's likely that most, if not all, still have nightmares about being abused.

I noted a couple important points about this book. In the vast majority of cases the person abused was victimized by a relative; a father, brother, or other family member. This is not news, of course, since we're known for some time that most sexual assaults victims are assaulted by someone they know. But it's a sobering reminder that homes are not safe places for many people, especially children. Also noteworthy is that most of them found some healing through writing about their experiences. Many also engaged in other efforts that had to do with communication such as speaking, blogging, and working at artistic expressions.

This book is an effective tool for listening to those who are often not listened to, and their complaints not taken seriously. Highly recommended.
Profile Image for Sahar Abdulaziz.
Author 21 books91 followers
April 8, 2018
Every child survivor of sexual violence has had to find their own means of coping with the aftermath of overpowering terror, suffocating fear, and excruciating trauma. The repercussions of sexual abuse–sexual assault–never go away. While some of the emotions connected with the attack[s] may temper over time, perhaps becoming compartmentalized or buried, it is also equally as true that those feelings never entirely disappear. Things We Haven’t Said, Sexual Violence Survivors Speak Out is a formidable and powerful compendium of voices–brave voices–who each shared through essays, letters, interviews, vignettes, and poems their childhood sexual abuse.

One of the crimes–amongst many–committed against sexual abuse survivors is in how perpetrators not only violate the bodies of their victims but then steal their voices, their power, and their right to be heard and believed. They deprive survivors of their truth, their history, their validation, and the right to seek justice. Many children and adolescents are too frightened and traumatized to tell about the abuse, and for many good reasons. As a result, they are further victimized, forced to carry the nightmares and stigma with them. The children and adolescents who do disclose are often not believed, and if they are believed–they must still struggle to find the words–often not in their procession–to describe the inhumane atrocities committed against their bodies, minds, and souls. This anthology opened up a much-needed conversation in all its candidness. Each author shared their story with brutal honesty, integrity, and bravery while still offering hope and healing.

I encourage everyone to read, share, learn and discuss this engaging book. THINGS WE HAVEN’T SAID–Sexual Violence Survivors Speak Out was not an easy read by any measure, but it was candid, truthful, needed, and impossible to put down.
Profile Image for Katherine.
436 reviews
May 23, 2018
This is not a book I would have ordinarily picked up - I worried it might be too heavy, too distressing, etc. However, I know the editor and it got really good reviews, so I gave it a shot, and I'm glad I did.
The book is really well put together, and has an overall hopeful tone. Each contributor has 3 sections. The first is a piece of narrative nonfiction, which may be an account of the rape/abuse, a poem, a healing moment later in life, a letter to their younger self, an F you letter to their attacker, and so on. The second is an interview that focuses on the healing process and what helped and what didn't help. Questions vary by person. The last is a brief "where are they now." At the back of the book is a section with numerous resources and helpful factual information for sexual violence survivors.
I would recommend this book to everyone - both those who have suffered from sexual violence, and anyone (which would basically be everyone) who needs to better understand the situation, the nature of consent, what victims are going through, and what helps and hurts in the aftermath.
Profile Image for Elizabeth Seals.
625 reviews
December 17, 2018
This book is an omnibus of people who have experienced sexual abuse/violence. The entries are divided into three parts: their written story, a Q&A with the editor, and where they are at today. I personally enjoyed it. The stories were heartbreaking and also eye-opening. What I really liked that the stories were from all different time periods. However, I do wish there would be more of a balance between the female survivors and the male survivor stories.
5,870 reviews146 followers
May 17, 2018
Things We Haven't Said: Sexual Violence Survivors Speak Out is an anthology of poems, essays, letters, vignettes, and interviews written by a diverse group of impressive adults who survived sexual violence as children and adolescents. It is a collection of twenty-five entries from twenty-five different contributors. This collection gives voice to the survivors of sexual violence and to bravely tell their stories.

This anthology is an amazingly powerful and emotional wrenching collection of work. I appreciate the contributors and their bravery to tell their story to the world. I can only imagine how difficult it may have been to open up to such a private moment in their lives. It is in my hopes that though their courageousness that it would help out others in similar situations – to give hope and the power to speak out.

In all honesty and for the most part, I enjoyed reading the anthology immensely – there wasn't a poorly written one in the lot. Each entry was sensitively and beautifully written. I especially like that each contributor – each survivor was interviewed to make things more personal, which futures gives the reader insights into their lives of these incredible people. I also enjoyed the fact that there were also male contributors to the anthology, while sexual violence is thought to leave female survivors – there are men who survived also. While there may be weaker contributions, comparatively speaking, they are still rather written and convey their survivor story rather well.

All in all, Things We Haven't Said: Sexual Violence Survivors Speak Out is a powerful and wonderfully written anthology about one of the worse crimes imaginable being committed.
Profile Image for Dawn.
257 reviews2 followers
May 26, 2018
I gotta be honest, I don't recall reserving this book from the library or how I knew about it, but when it became available, I picked it up and began immediately.

This is possibly the most courageous book I have ever read. 25 survivors of childhood sexual abuse share stories from their youth in whatever format they we're inclined. It is intense and disturbing. But powerful and empowering to those who speak up and to those who do not. There are stories, poems, letters to themselves, their families, their rapists. After each entry, there is a short related interview.

Throughout this book there are many retellings of how adults in these children's lives failed them. The assaulters, many times adults, in most cases people they knew, but other adults as well, parents, teacher, police officers who didn't believe them or encouraged them to stay quiet. As an educator, these struck close to home- that may I never fail one of my kids who tries to show or tell me something in direct or indirect ways, and may my response always be as one of her contributions said, "I imagine [...] kneeling down in front of my eight-year-old self and pronouncing, clear-eyed, 'I believe you,' and 'None of this is your fault.' And I'd say it again and again until it stuck."
Profile Image for Shay VanAusdal.
278 reviews1 follower
April 30, 2021
5 out of 5 stars
This month being SAAM (Sexual Assault Awareness Month) I decided to pick up two books involving sexual assault and I decided to pick up Things We Haven't Said as a nonfiction option.
This book was a beautiful written anthology written by a diverse cast of writers, that tells you their stories dealing with sexual violence and abuse. I agree that this book is one that every young adult should read because it goes through and talks about a lot of different ways sexual assault can present itself. This book make sure that if you have ever gone through sexual assault that you are aware that you are not at fault for what happened to you, you are not dirty, and most importantly it will get better. The interviews with the writers definitely added a very important aspect to this book allowing them to go deeper into their recovery and their life's after and let's them talk about important things such as rape culture, law enforcement and how they deal with sexual assault, victim blaming, coping mechanisms, and what they would say to people dealing with sexual violence.
All together I highly recommend this book to anyone who is in the right headspace to read it and I'm extremely glad I picked it up.
Profile Image for Rebecca.
35 reviews2 followers
April 10, 2018
"In the powerful stories that comprise 'Things We Haven't Said,' written by individuals who have experienced sexual abuse, exploitation, assault, and violence, the reader is confronted with the paradox of the written word. These survivors 'speak out' after, for many, years of silence." - Sharon Lamb

Sensitively and beautifully well written, edited and composed. This is such an important book that needed to be brought together.
I especially enjoyed the format; having the written piece from each survivor followed by short Q&A was brilliant, making it more personal. Giving us insight into the lives of these incredible women and men. 5/5

"I want it to become men's responsibility NOT to rape, not women's responsibility to prevent it. I want women's sexuality to be their choice, their bodies to be their province and no one else's. I want people with penises to stop attempting to regulate women's sexual organs and reproductive choices. I never want to hear a rape metaphor or joke ever again." - Susan Vaught
Profile Image for Stevie.
242 reviews11 followers
October 15, 2018
I flew through this collection. I wish I could give half stars, because I'd give this. 2.5. The stories themselves are heartbreaking and beautiful. However, I wish there had been a better range. Yes, sexual violence is a gendered issue. But there was a noticable lack of male survivors' voices. There was also a flowing theme of familial grooming. That's my story, but it's not everyone's.

I find myself wondering how these essays were collected and the timing of it. It's a good idea, and an important topic to bring attention to. I just can't stop myself from thinking that this collection was thrown together quickly to capitalize on the #metoo movement.
Profile Image for Mariah McKenzie.
Author 2 books9 followers
April 10, 2018
Pearls of wisdom, encouragement and love. These poems, essays and interviews each eloquently speak from experience, reaching out to young people encouraging them to speak up and empower themselves against the overwhelming pain, confusion and shame caused by childhood sexual abuse. These writings bridge a lonely gap, showing others who might be experiencing the same, that they are not alone. These writings say, "We've been there. We understand. We are here to say: You are worthy. You can and will recover. You are powerful. You are loved."
Profile Image for Alicia.
8,556 reviews150 followers
August 14, 2018
An important addition to any collection that gives nonfiction stories about sexual violence survivors that are their creative (but still nonfiction) stories then includes a short interview after each short story with the survivor that further explains, comments, or shares about the experience, healing, etc.

Important for health curricula, people who want to understand more about trauma and how to help stop it, and signs especially when those victims are as young as some of the ones sharing their stories in this book.
Profile Image for Anne.
5,140 reviews52 followers
January 5, 2019
Collection of short stories by people who have survived sexual assault in many different types and situations. Each is followed by a sort interview and a summary of where they are today. A very difficult read because of the topic. But because of format can be "chunked". Also has some hope to it because each person is a survivor even if they are still grappling with issues today. Also because of format you don't get to know the person as well as you do in a longer story like Polo Tate's or Chessy Prout's. #metoo
So many trigger warnings, but the foreword speaks to this very eloquently.
Profile Image for Jared.
Author 2 books164 followers
July 9, 2018
This book is a work of bravery, honesty, and hope. I couldn’t read it quickly because each story was so impactful and heart breaking. After each experience was shared, the survivor then answered questions about their current life, showing that there is hope among the scars.
Books like this are a must to help our society see the detriment of sexual harassment and abuse and the long term impacts. It contributes to the breaking down of the communication stigma that exists around the topic.
Profile Image for Jenn P. .
357 reviews2 followers
July 11, 2018
This is not an easy read, but I feel like I'll be better prepared to support survivors of sexual violence after reading it. I believe that it does an adequate job of representing different forms/faces of sexual violence in children and adolescents and the multitude of feelings that can be associated with these behaviours.
272 reviews1 follower
June 27, 2020
Pretty powerful stuff. Many of these pieces are gut wrenching accounts, of sexual abuse and rape. Without the followup questions and comments, they might be too much. But the editor adds some post insights with each experience. Some poems, some diaries, some letters, some essays. Should be a must read for school teachers and counselors at least.
Profile Image for Helen.
96 reviews5 followers
June 10, 2018
Compiling stories of sexual assault together, especially those of children, is a revolutionary act. It defies the myth that these cases are rare, that those who experience it are unusual. Thanks to the authors for bravely telling their stories together.
Profile Image for Kelsey.
Author 1 book4 followers
May 17, 2019
I found this book to be so incredibly comforting and validating. Hearing a wide variety of stories (some of which were similar to my own) as well as reading interviews with the writers gave me a sense of hope.
Profile Image for Iryna.
66 reviews
October 4, 2018
Wow, this was impressive! That's all I will say...
Profile Image for Jessica S.
757 reviews9 followers
January 7, 2020
Sad, but a much needed book. I liked how there were short interviews after each victim's story, so you got more of an insight into them.
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