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Gaslighting: The Narcissist's favorite tool of Manipulation - How to avoid the Gaslight Effect and Recovery from Emotional and Narcissistic Abuse
Still struggling from the effects of an abusive relationship?
Many people do and sadly there is very little information available to be found online or in the written research, or with counsellors and therapists that can help. The Gaslight Effect is not officially recognised, nor is it widely even known.
Even when it is accepted, recognised and known not many people seem to know what to DO ABOUT IT to heal it… The fact is being in a relationship with a narcissist over a long period of time has long lasting traumatic effects that can be extremely catastrophic to the person suffering them.
DO THE FOLLOWING SYMPTOMS SOUND FAMILIAR?
- Doubting yourself and your sanity
- Feeling like you’re losing your mind
- Feeling like you’re always apologizing
- You’re second-guessing your memory
- Feeling like you aren’t good enough
- Feeling misunderstood
- Feeling lonely
- Ruined self confidence
- Extreme weight loss or weight gain
- Uncharacteristic jealousy/ insecurity
- Feeling like you don’t know the difference between right and wrong
- Extreme paranoia (being turned into an obsessive detective)
- Endless, repetitive obsessive thinking about your ex
- Constantly trying to find explanations for what has happened
- Feelings of helplessness and despair
- A desire to self isolate
- Feeling desperately misunderstood
- Overwhelming feelings of loss and grief
- Extreme bouts of rage
- An inability to be comfortable with yourself
- Strange dreams
- Sudden inexplicable anxiety followed by rapid dips into depression
The list goes on….
“NOBODY UNDERSTANDS!”
I hear this frustrated cry from abused people a lot.
Gaslighting is a covert aggressive way of distorting another person’s perception of reality to the point that that person questions their sanity or their memory.
Gaslighting is crazy-making, it makes you think that you’re actually going crazy.
Gaslighting is a way of hiding the abuse.
Gaslighting is lying with a goal.
The motive behind the gaslighting is to make you think that you’re crazy or that your memory doesn’t work right. So you can’t trust yourself and your perceptions of reality.
This means you’ll defer to the abuser for an account of what’s real so slowly over time the abuser becomes the authority over your life.
Gaslighting takes place in relationships, like one-on-one relationships. It takes place in friendships, in family, in work, you’ll see gaslighting on the news, you’ll hear gaslighting coming from politicians, corporate shills, cult leaders, advertising commercials, etc.
WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:
- Top 10 Signs You're Being Manipulated with Gaslighting
- 80 Things Narcissists Say During Gaslighting
- Six Empowering Ways to Disarm a Narcissist and Take Control
- How to Avoid Mental Manipulation
- How to Deal with the Effects of Gaslighting
- How Narcissists Employ Smart Devices
WHAT YOU NEED NOW:
- Someone who has been through the same experiences you have and understands them from the inside.
-Someone who has the knowledge, training, education and experience working on himself and others to lead you through the emotional sh*tstorm that breaking with a narcissist can create.
143 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 23, 2019
257 people are currently reading
634 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
September 20, 2020
I think this book has a fair overview of gaslighting and narcissism. That being said, it’s self-published and poorly edited. After extensive google searches I am also entirely sure the author is using a pseudonym and is most definitely not a “Doctor.” The book is about 130 pages in 14 font with excessive paragraphs, so know that you’re not getting much material. Other books on Narcissism by actual professionals will provide more insight from a more reliable source.
January 2, 2025
First review I’ve ever written on Goodreads. Be careful with this book. In the intro, the author writes, “Narcissists are self-centered and arrogant people who lack empathy for others. They live in another world and believe they are special and unique. Hence, they always seek attention and praise from others.” At the time I read it, this excerpt had 115 people who had highlighted it on Kindle. I’m not a doctor, but I get the feeling this author isn’t either, based on how dangerous this excerpt is.
In order to understand gaslighting, we should first understand the narcissistic mind. It’s impossible to learn about gaslighting without a healthy and objective understanding of narcissist personality disorder. When you have suffered years of abuse at the hands of a narcissist, it can be difficult to do this objectively. It’s possible, with the help of a professional and reading books by professionals.
This book is not it, in my opinion. It’s biased and, if I suffered from NPD, I would be offended by this book. There are multiple levels of NPD, and the theories of what causes it are still debated and examined. They are humans too, though they have caused us pain we likely are still fighting today, but that does not mean we have to use the same language they resort to and dismissively say they are “self-centered” and “live in another world.” How many times have you been told by a narcissist that you are “selfish” or “thinking only of yourself”?
Before reading anything on gaslighting, please read “Unmasking Narcissism” by Mark Ettensohn. I don’t like plugging books by another author when critiquing one, but since this is such a sensitive topic, it feels wrong not to. I’ve read a lot of books on recovery and this book has been useful, in-depth without being overwhelming, and easily understandable. More importantly, the author is well-versed and objective, without sympathizing with one party and putting the other down. It’s refreshing and gave me the tools to understand what happened to me, and why.
Books like this “Gaslighting” one are toxic, in my opinion, and need to be read with caution, especially if you are still experiencing trauma at the hands of a narcissist.
In order to understand gaslighting, we should first understand the narcissistic mind. It’s impossible to learn about gaslighting without a healthy and objective understanding of narcissist personality disorder. When you have suffered years of abuse at the hands of a narcissist, it can be difficult to do this objectively. It’s possible, with the help of a professional and reading books by professionals.
This book is not it, in my opinion. It’s biased and, if I suffered from NPD, I would be offended by this book. There are multiple levels of NPD, and the theories of what causes it are still debated and examined. They are humans too, though they have caused us pain we likely are still fighting today, but that does not mean we have to use the same language they resort to and dismissively say they are “self-centered” and “live in another world.” How many times have you been told by a narcissist that you are “selfish” or “thinking only of yourself”?
Before reading anything on gaslighting, please read “Unmasking Narcissism” by Mark Ettensohn. I don’t like plugging books by another author when critiquing one, but since this is such a sensitive topic, it feels wrong not to. I’ve read a lot of books on recovery and this book has been useful, in-depth without being overwhelming, and easily understandable. More importantly, the author is well-versed and objective, without sympathizing with one party and putting the other down. It’s refreshing and gave me the tools to understand what happened to me, and why.
Books like this “Gaslighting” one are toxic, in my opinion, and need to be read with caution, especially if you are still experiencing trauma at the hands of a narcissist.
May 21, 2021
What to say?
I'll get the negative out of the way.
-terrible outlay. It's another Office produced book.
-needs an editor
-needs a proofreader
-repeatitive
-author needed to complete a few sentences (some just ended mid- )
-very few examples (and the one I saw was so poorly written, it did not match the context of the preceding paragraph)
-repeatitive
-utilization of clinical terms without explaination
-poor continuity and abrupt topic changes
-all with sentence structures that...well...
Now, the good stuff:
-good information.
-author knows the subject
-written for the "victim" in mind
Ideas to improve:
-more examples. Really get in to some real world vignettes...I mean...we study case vignettes in school for psychology land all the time. Why not include some here?
-get an editor
I'll get the negative out of the way.
-terrible outlay. It's another Office produced book.
-needs an editor
-needs a proofreader
-repeatitive
-author needed to complete a few sentences (some just ended mid- )
-very few examples (and the one I saw was so poorly written, it did not match the context of the preceding paragraph)
-repeatitive
-utilization of clinical terms without explaination
-poor continuity and abrupt topic changes
-all with sentence structures that...well...
Now, the good stuff:
-good information.
-author knows the subject
-written for the "victim" in mind
Ideas to improve:
-more examples. Really get in to some real world vignettes...I mean...we study case vignettes in school for psychology land all the time. Why not include some here?
-get an editor
June 18, 2020
WOW!
A must read book for everyone. While reading this book I recognized so many times when I was being gaslighted without realizing it. Gaslighting by bosses, co-workers, friends, family...it is everywhere. This book also helped me to recognize narcissists. They are everywhere too! Now I can recognize gaslighting and have the tools to help me overcome the warped influences from narcissists in my life.
A must read book for everyone. While reading this book I recognized so many times when I was being gaslighted without realizing it. Gaslighting by bosses, co-workers, friends, family...it is everywhere. This book also helped me to recognize narcissists. They are everywhere too! Now I can recognize gaslighting and have the tools to help me overcome the warped influences from narcissists in my life.
November 13, 2022
The book could have used a better editing job, but it packs a punch. It's a great place to start if you're either in a relationship (romantic, friendship, workplace, etc) where you suspect gaslighting or if you're emerging from one and need help picking up the pieces. There's a lot of good information crammed into these pages.
Reading this book helped me a great deal. Gaslighters are SO GOOD at making you believe that everything is your fault. Being abused by a gaslighter? They'll make you believe that you are the one with the problem; some are good enough to even make you believe that you are the one being abusive. I think the biggest takeaway from me from this book is that it wasn't my fault, and that's a pretty important one to have.
Reading this book helped me a great deal. Gaslighters are SO GOOD at making you believe that everything is your fault. Being abused by a gaslighter? They'll make you believe that you are the one with the problem; some are good enough to even make you believe that you are the one being abusive. I think the biggest takeaway from me from this book is that it wasn't my fault, and that's a pretty important one to have.
July 2, 2020
Narcissists Beware
This book is a how-to guide on preventing emotional abuse from narcissistic people, draining personalities and what to do to keep a positive attitude in times of crisis.
This book is a how-to guide on preventing emotional abuse from narcissistic people, draining personalities and what to do to keep a positive attitude in times of crisis.
February 2, 2020
I learned a lot reading this book. Even some insight into avoiding some gaslighting behavior, though unintentional, that I may have been exhibiting. I think the author’s obvious vitriol for gaslighters turned me off a bit. This is not a neutral stance. And, still very insightful.
March 5, 2023
Acabei de ler "Gaslighting: The Narcissist's favorite tool of Manipulation - How to avoid the Gaslight Effect and Recovery from Emotional and Narcissistic Abuse", sim, lí a versão em inglês. Este livro é importante e esclarecedor para quem já se sentiu confuso e desorientado num relacionamento tóxico (passei por três, mas até então não entendia isso). Escrito por um especialista em psicologia e terapia, ele aborda o fenômeno "gaslighting" - técnica de manipulação usada por narcisistas para controlar e abusar emocionalmente de suas vítimas.
O termo num filme de 1944 chamado "À Meia Luz" (Gaslight - lampião à gás, no título original em inglês), estrelado por Ingrid Bergman e Charles Boyer. No filme, Boyer interpreta um marido manipulador que tenta convencer sua esposa (Bergman) de que ela está ficando louca manipulando a iluminação de sua casa. Ele diminui a intensidade das luzes e depois nega ter feito isso, levando sua esposa a duvidar de sua própria percepção da realidade. Esse filme popularizou o termo "gaslighting" como uma técnica de manipulação psicológica.
Então, o que é "gaslighting"? É quando seu parceiro diz que você está louco, que suas memórias estão erradas, que você está exagerando ou que está sendo sensível demais. Eles podem fazer isso de forma sutil ou explícita, mas a ideia é sempre a mesma: minar sua autoconfiança e sua capacidade de pensar e agir de forma independente. E não se engane, mesmo pessoas muito inteligentes possuem imunidade contra esse tipo de abuso, or isso a importancia em conhecer o assunto.
Ele oferece dicas úteis para identificar e lidar com o "gaslighting", além de estratégias para se recuperar de um relacionamento abusivo. Você vai aprender a confiar em si mesmo novamente e também a reconstruir sua autoestima.
Então, se você está procurando um livro sério e esclarecedor sobre o assunto, este é definitivamente o livro certo para você. Entretanto, caso identifique que tenha passado por uma situação que você considere como abusiva, aconselho que, além da leitura, você consulte um terapeuta, só ele saberá como ajudá-lo a superar os traumas devastadores que esse tipo de abuso pode deixar.
Recomendo.
O termo num filme de 1944 chamado "À Meia Luz" (Gaslight - lampião à gás, no título original em inglês), estrelado por Ingrid Bergman e Charles Boyer. No filme, Boyer interpreta um marido manipulador que tenta convencer sua esposa (Bergman) de que ela está ficando louca manipulando a iluminação de sua casa. Ele diminui a intensidade das luzes e depois nega ter feito isso, levando sua esposa a duvidar de sua própria percepção da realidade. Esse filme popularizou o termo "gaslighting" como uma técnica de manipulação psicológica.
Então, o que é "gaslighting"? É quando seu parceiro diz que você está louco, que suas memórias estão erradas, que você está exagerando ou que está sendo sensível demais. Eles podem fazer isso de forma sutil ou explícita, mas a ideia é sempre a mesma: minar sua autoconfiança e sua capacidade de pensar e agir de forma independente. E não se engane, mesmo pessoas muito inteligentes possuem imunidade contra esse tipo de abuso, or isso a importancia em conhecer o assunto.
Ele oferece dicas úteis para identificar e lidar com o "gaslighting", além de estratégias para se recuperar de um relacionamento abusivo. Você vai aprender a confiar em si mesmo novamente e também a reconstruir sua autoestima.
Então, se você está procurando um livro sério e esclarecedor sobre o assunto, este é definitivamente o livro certo para você. Entretanto, caso identifique que tenha passado por uma situação que você considere como abusiva, aconselho que, além da leitura, você consulte um terapeuta, só ele saberá como ajudá-lo a superar os traumas devastadores que esse tipo de abuso pode deixar.
Recomendo.
March 7, 2023
Guys beware I know these signs and also know about narcissistic enablers. Now the best thing to do with anyone who tries and do this is to distance themselves from the person. It’s better to just plain get rid of them from your life but I know sometimes that is not an option for anyone. So some people will interpret this as being “too sensitive” or fragile. So what if you had a bunch of people in your life like this who has been narcissistic. Personally I have had overt and covert narcissistic people. Luckily I got rid of most of them. Unfortunately I can’t get rid of my neighbour who is a religious narcissistic person but I have distanced myself from him. So this book really goes into the signs of gas lighting. These people are entitled and they think they own you. You have to say no to these people at all cost. I almost had a mental break down until I started reading about all of this in November and then realized certain people were the problems and now life isn’t perfect but the flashbacks and ruminations I used to have I can control them now. You get a little better each day.
November 10, 2020
3.5 stars.
I disliked-
1. Needs an editor... so many errors
2. It’s repetitive
3. The book itself seems cheap
3. Books written by doctors, therapists, researchers etc should include real examples
Liked-
1. It’s simple
2. Good information. Clearly she knows her stuff
3. She talks about gaslighting in all areas such as relationships, work or friends
4. It’s amazing a book is even written on the subject
5. She talks about healing from this type of abuse
I disliked-
1. Needs an editor... so many errors
2. It’s repetitive
3. The book itself seems cheap
3. Books written by doctors, therapists, researchers etc should include real examples
Liked-
1. It’s simple
2. Good information. Clearly she knows her stuff
3. She talks about gaslighting in all areas such as relationships, work or friends
4. It’s amazing a book is even written on the subject
5. She talks about healing from this type of abuse
December 16, 2020
Everyone should read this book whether you’re in a narcissistic relationship or not. Anyone can easily be trapped in a romantic, professional or even family narcissistic relationship. This book brings awareness to even people like myself who have been through the nightmare of being trapped and entangled with a narcissist. Till this day I am still learning about the sick and manipulative ways of a narcissist. I wish everyone could read this book.
September 1, 2020
A book everyone should read
Gaslighting is now common place and delivered with such ease these days people should have access to information like this to help protect themselves. Sadly politicians lead in this and it effects us all, but by nature just fuels more and more acceptance so we maintain our herd mentality.
Gaslighting is now common place and delivered with such ease these days people should have access to information like this to help protect themselves. Sadly politicians lead in this and it effects us all, but by nature just fuels more and more acceptance so we maintain our herd mentality.
December 1, 2020
Good information
I don't know how many people need this book, but a lot can surely find this book helpful. Often times we are victims of gaslighting and don't even realize it. This book helped me understand the techniques used to gaslight and helped me identify people using these techniques.
I don't know how many people need this book, but a lot can surely find this book helpful. Often times we are victims of gaslighting and don't even realize it. This book helped me understand the techniques used to gaslight and helped me identify people using these techniques.
March 9, 2021
Wow Never Knew
That there was a name for all the times I was made to second guess myself. I always wondered what gaslighting meant. Now I know and I'm so grateful for the knowledge. Its amazing what we will let a narcissist get away with. Thank you so much for this tool to be ale to learn.
That there was a name for all the times I was made to second guess myself. I always wondered what gaslighting meant. Now I know and I'm so grateful for the knowledge. Its amazing what we will let a narcissist get away with. Thank you so much for this tool to be ale to learn.
April 7, 2021
Reclaim your sanity! Others are set on destroying your sense of self
Read this! Any suspected treatment or use of gaslighting by others around you; this will confirm you are not at fault. Very clear and concise language used to explain the tactics used by psychopaths in your life.
Read this! Any suspected treatment or use of gaslighting by others around you; this will confirm you are not at fault. Very clear and concise language used to explain the tactics used by psychopaths in your life.
August 9, 2020
Very helpful information, a good and quick read that can help many
I'd recommend this to everyone. I found the information helpful and interesting and would recommend thus to all regardless of current situation.
I'd recommend this to everyone. I found the information helpful and interesting and would recommend thus to all regardless of current situation.
December 4, 2020
Enlightening and helpful
This book will show you that gaslighting is a manipulative psychological tactic that narcissists use to make you doubt your sanity. Learn the steps to recognizing these signs ad how to recover with this awesome book.
This book will show you that gaslighting is a manipulative psychological tactic that narcissists use to make you doubt your sanity. Learn the steps to recognizing these signs ad how to recover with this awesome book.
December 6, 2020
Good Resource
I have heard this term used a lot lately, but I was not sure what it meant. After reading this book, I realized that I have been gas lighted in relationships before without even realizing it. I am grateful that I was able to break free.
I have heard this term used a lot lately, but I was not sure what it meant. After reading this book, I realized that I have been gas lighted in relationships before without even realizing it. I am grateful that I was able to break free.
April 21, 2021
Informative
I think this book could be very helpful for someone dealing with this issue. I didn’t really know much about gaslighting before I read it, but it was pretty interesting and helpful
I think this book could be very helpful for someone dealing with this issue. I didn’t really know much about gaslighting before I read it, but it was pretty interesting and helpful
October 21, 2021
Such a great read! Brought so many interesting pieces of information and helped my sister and I realize we actually aren’t the crazy ones! Will always keep this book to remind me of a gaslighter’s many tricks
January 30, 2022
Excellent book
This is an excellent book to help anyone with life and how to spot the narcissists they meet along the way. In my case, it is great for character development in novels too.
This is an excellent book to help anyone with life and how to spot the narcissists they meet along the way. In my case, it is great for character development in novels too.
February 7, 2022
great book
Really informative and full of great information. Had I not read this book I probably wouldn’t have been able to pin point the guy I’m seeing now as a narcissist, just had a gut feeling.
Really informative and full of great information. Had I not read this book I probably wouldn’t have been able to pin point the guy I’m seeing now as a narcissist, just had a gut feeling.
June 17, 2020
GOOD
It was a delightful book that was easy to read and even easier to understand. I loved the way the author brokw it down so you could better understand what she was saying.
It was a delightful book that was easy to read and even easier to understand. I loved the way the author brokw it down so you could better understand what she was saying.
June 22, 2020
Informative
It was well written and easy to understand if needed. I myself found out the meaning of gaslighting, which I was unaware of.
It was well written and easy to understand if needed. I myself found out the meaning of gaslighting, which I was unaware of.
November 11, 2020
Gaslighting
Great book, informative and validating. Helped me put things into perspective. I highly recommend this book to anyone recovering from gaslighting.
Great book, informative and validating. Helped me put things into perspective. I highly recommend this book to anyone recovering from gaslighting.
November 30, 2020
Interesting
Interesting information on what gaslighting is and how people use it. Great ideas to try out to overcome manipulative people.
Interesting information on what gaslighting is and how people use it. Great ideas to try out to overcome manipulative people.
January 15, 2021
Wake up call.
This book was well written. Advice is easy to follow. As hard as it was to realize this is happening to me I kept reading.
This book was well written. Advice is easy to follow. As hard as it was to realize this is happening to me I kept reading.
March 10, 2021
Narcissists
Manipulation is a tool that people use everyday, whether someone recognizes it or not. When you think about it, it can be a very scary tool.
Manipulation is a tool that people use everyday, whether someone recognizes it or not. When you think about it, it can be a very scary tool.
July 12, 2021
Poorly written, without any substantiation of claims, it reads as a personal vendetta.
November 11, 2021
Very good book. Very informative and with lots of tools to cope.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews