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Natural Killer: A Memoir
"I need people to know that I exist, that their experiment worked, that by some combination of luck and science, I'm alive."
In this harrowing and intimate memoir, Harriet Alida Lye explores how, at just fifteen years old, she was diagnosed with a form of leukemia called Natural Killer, named "the rarest and worst malignancy." The average survival time of patients with this diagnosis is fifty-eight days. There are no known survivors. There were no known survivors.
Fifteen years after Harriet's diagnosis, she became pregnant, despite having been told that her chemotherapy treatment would likely make conception impossible. To be a mother is to make a death, as death is bound up in life. She knew her body had the ability to create death. She never trusted, was told to not even imagine, that it also had the power, that magical banality, to create life.
Weaving in source material from the year she spent in hospital, written by both of her parents and her teenage self, this personal reflection is told through a seamless blend of narrative, snapshots, journal entries, and blog updates posted for friends and family.
With probing lyricism and searing honesty, Natural Killer explores what it's like to live with a life-threatening illness and survive it; what it means for a body to turn against itself, to self-destruct from within; and what it takes to regain trust in a body that has committed the ultimate betrayal.
In this harrowing and intimate memoir, Harriet Alida Lye explores how, at just fifteen years old, she was diagnosed with a form of leukemia called Natural Killer, named "the rarest and worst malignancy." The average survival time of patients with this diagnosis is fifty-eight days. There are no known survivors. There were no known survivors.
Fifteen years after Harriet's diagnosis, she became pregnant, despite having been told that her chemotherapy treatment would likely make conception impossible. To be a mother is to make a death, as death is bound up in life. She knew her body had the ability to create death. She never trusted, was told to not even imagine, that it also had the power, that magical banality, to create life.
Weaving in source material from the year she spent in hospital, written by both of her parents and her teenage self, this personal reflection is told through a seamless blend of narrative, snapshots, journal entries, and blog updates posted for friends and family.
With probing lyricism and searing honesty, Natural Killer explores what it's like to live with a life-threatening illness and survive it; what it means for a body to turn against itself, to self-destruct from within; and what it takes to regain trust in a body that has committed the ultimate betrayal.
288 pages, Paperback
Published April 21, 2020
3 people are currently reading
390 people want to read
About the author
Harriet Alida Lye
6 books88 followersHarriet Alida Lye is the author of four books: two novels, one memoir, and one children's picture book. Her work has been published in The New York Times, The Globe & Mail, The National Post, The Happy Reader, Hazlitt, Vice, Catapult, and more. She founded the literary magazine Her Royal Majesty, which ran for six years and republished the first ever short story by Alice Munro. She teaches Creative Writing at the University of Toronto. She lives in Toronto with her partner, their two children, and two dogs.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
June 2, 2022
It's when flowers are closest to death that they are in their fullest bloom.
I loved this; though the subject matter was heavy, it was an enjoyable read. I liked how it switched between the present with her pregnancy, to the past with her cancer treatment.
One of those books that really makes you appreciate your health and your life.
I loved this; though the subject matter was heavy, it was an enjoyable read. I liked how it switched between the present with her pregnancy, to the past with her cancer treatment.
One of those books that really makes you appreciate your health and your life.
December 28, 2020
Natural Killer has left me with so many emotions and it's taken me a few days to articulate what I have been feeling.
Before I go to sleep each night, I say to myself what I'm grateful for and last night, without a thought, I said I was grateful for Harriet's book. This beautiful memoir brought me into the mind of a 15 year old with cancer, a parent of a child with cancer, while at the same time thinking of all the young adults who are out there living with cancer at such a young age and with so much life that is supposed to be ahead of them and how they are each dealing with their unique experience. Although I knew that the ending was happy (not a spoiler), I found myself aching to confirm that Harriet did get through this.
I am a sensitive person but I don't cry while reading a book, I never have. This book had me moved so much that I teared up while feeling what Harriet was feeling during some of her experiences. The writing is exceptional and brings you with her to feel a glimpse of what she went through.
This book speaks to anyone who has been touched by cancer, which most of us have, whether it's a friend (close or acquaintance) or a family member (close or distant). Yet it also speaks to anyone who has been sick and felt like they had no control over what was happening to their body as the scientists try to identify the problem and fix it.
I'm grateful to Harriet for being vulnerable so that we can get some semblance of a feeling of what it's like to experience our own bodies failing us and not being able to trust our own bodies and yet being able to regenerate life within.
Before I go to sleep each night, I say to myself what I'm grateful for and last night, without a thought, I said I was grateful for Harriet's book. This beautiful memoir brought me into the mind of a 15 year old with cancer, a parent of a child with cancer, while at the same time thinking of all the young adults who are out there living with cancer at such a young age and with so much life that is supposed to be ahead of them and how they are each dealing with their unique experience. Although I knew that the ending was happy (not a spoiler), I found myself aching to confirm that Harriet did get through this.
I am a sensitive person but I don't cry while reading a book, I never have. This book had me moved so much that I teared up while feeling what Harriet was feeling during some of her experiences. The writing is exceptional and brings you with her to feel a glimpse of what she went through.
This book speaks to anyone who has been touched by cancer, which most of us have, whether it's a friend (close or acquaintance) or a family member (close or distant). Yet it also speaks to anyone who has been sick and felt like they had no control over what was happening to their body as the scientists try to identify the problem and fix it.
I'm grateful to Harriet for being vulnerable so that we can get some semblance of a feeling of what it's like to experience our own bodies failing us and not being able to trust our own bodies and yet being able to regenerate life within.
February 16, 2021
“The past, though we carry it with us always, is untouchable.”
What an absolutely fantastic memoir. I fell in love with Lye’s debut novel, The Honey Farm, so when I saw that she had written a memoir, I knew I had to read it. And I’m so glad I did. Natural Killer focuses on two periods of time in Lye’s life: when she was 15-years-old and diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia called “Natural Killer” and when she was 30-years-old and discovered she was pregnant, despite cancer treatments that should have made pregnancy impossible. These two time periods are weaved together seamlessly and were such a powerful juxtaposition. This memoir provides an intimate look at sickness and survival, betrayal and trust, pain and hope. I loved it and I loved Lye’s vulnerability and honesty in telling her story.
Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Random House Canada (McClelland & Stewart) for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review. I double checked the quotation with a final copy of the book.
What an absolutely fantastic memoir. I fell in love with Lye’s debut novel, The Honey Farm, so when I saw that she had written a memoir, I knew I had to read it. And I’m so glad I did. Natural Killer focuses on two periods of time in Lye’s life: when she was 15-years-old and diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia called “Natural Killer” and when she was 30-years-old and discovered she was pregnant, despite cancer treatments that should have made pregnancy impossible. These two time periods are weaved together seamlessly and were such a powerful juxtaposition. This memoir provides an intimate look at sickness and survival, betrayal and trust, pain and hope. I loved it and I loved Lye’s vulnerability and honesty in telling her story.
Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Random House Canada (McClelland & Stewart) for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review. I double checked the quotation with a final copy of the book.
April 16, 2021
I work as a medical laboratory technologist with a background largely in hematology and molecular genetics. I also happen to be a reader and collector of books, so I was thrilled to see a book cover in my local store full of what were obviously (to me) white blood cells. My excitement dampened when I read the heartbreaking synopsis, but I knew I had to read Harriet's story.
I was not disappointed. In all my years of hematology I had never heard of a natural killer cell leukemia. I knew her prognosis was likely not good, but she obviously survived to tell the tale. Harriet wrote about her experience with leukemia in such a remarkable way. Her contrast between past and present, her fears and her moments of true happiness, between literally life and death made this a very readable memoir.
You don't have to be a scientist to savor this book. Anyone should pick it up and read it for a new perspective on life.
I was not disappointed. In all my years of hematology I had never heard of a natural killer cell leukemia. I knew her prognosis was likely not good, but she obviously survived to tell the tale. Harriet wrote about her experience with leukemia in such a remarkable way. Her contrast between past and present, her fears and her moments of true happiness, between literally life and death made this a very readable memoir.
You don't have to be a scientist to savor this book. Anyone should pick it up and read it for a new perspective on life.
September 23, 2022
Harriet’s journey is incredibly devastating, but hopeful. She switches from past to present between chapters, therefore you know there’s a happy ending. Some of the questions Harriet poses are big and lonely, quiet observations you only see when facing death possibly. I had an emergency surgery when I was the same age as Harriet’s diagnosis that left me in the hospital for 5 days, and recovering at home from over a month. It was overwhelming and the experience followed me for years. I cannot fathom the magnitude of this grim diagnosis, and making it to the other side. This memoir was extremely humbling for me.
February 7, 2021
This memoir was so beautiful. I loved the way that she juxtaposed her past experiences with her current life circumstances and how she tied all of it together so seamlessly. I also enjoyed how she reflected on her past and made connections to the cycle of life and eternity.
December 10, 2020
Really quick read. An elegantly written memoir that focuses less on the disease and more on the experience and how it shaped the author as a parent.
January 5, 2021
Truly beautiful and heartbreaking. Read it all in one morning.
February 4, 2021
4.5 stars
So glad Harriet is here to tell her story.
It struck close to home (literally) for me:
I live in the suburb where Harriet grew up.
My mom lives on the same lake as Harriet’s parents.
My nephew was treated for cancer at Sick Kid’s.
Thanks for sharing Harriet. 💕
So glad Harriet is here to tell her story.
It struck close to home (literally) for me:
I live in the suburb where Harriet grew up.
My mom lives on the same lake as Harriet’s parents.
My nephew was treated for cancer at Sick Kid’s.
Thanks for sharing Harriet. 💕
December 21, 2022
a $5 pick from boswell bookstore in mke - i thought the cover was pretty. but wow, i read this in one sitting.
absolutely gorgeous, not much else to say. 5/5⭐️s
absolutely gorgeous, not much else to say. 5/5⭐️s
January 3, 2021
I loved this memoir so much. I was constantly torn between reading it all in one sitting and rationing it out so it would last longer. I cried many times, sometimes uncontrollably as I empathized with Lye’s parents and later with Lye herself as a young pregnant mother. But I also laughed, felt awe, was filled with hope and optimism and a great sense of gratitude that this author survived to tell her tale. Amazingly, parts of this book are suspenseful and you catch yourself thinking, “Please let her live!” even as you hold in your hands the evidence that she did. If you have ever been filled with awe at what the human body can do or at the thin line that divides life and death, this book is for you!
February 17, 2021
I listened to this one in audiobook form, and I think that really hit the mark for me. It was more personal, somehow - hearing the stories of her then illness and now pregnancy in the author’s own words. I appreciated the format the story was told in. Not linear/chronological, but more about how her experience of illness and death connect to the experience of growing a new life, and the common themes and fears between the two. Rather than being polar opposites, she presents illness and birth as two sides of the same coin.
May 7, 2024
I first heard of Harriet Alida Lye when I read her sweet story about when she got to meet the cast of Gilmore Girls thanks to the Make a Wish Foundation after a bout with leukemia. Later I read her novel The Honey Farm. This book is a memoir about both her illness at age 15 and her surprise pregnancy at age 30, after she'd been told that her cancer treatments had likely left her infertile. It's well-written and devoid of cliche. She discusses at various points how she'd once attempted to write an autobiographical novel about her leukemia, but the book ended with the protagonist's death. Years after she'd been declared cancer-free, she Googled her rare diagnosis- natural killer cell leukemia- and found a page declaring that it had "no known survivors." Even when writing fiction, she had a hard time writing an ending where she survived. I'm glad she ended up publishing this instead of the novel because, as she said in an interview about this book, it's important to know that people live. Yes, people die every day from cancer, but people also recover and go on to become successful novelists and give birth to healthy baby boys.
March 9, 2021
A fascinating exploration of the author’s experience of a rare and aggressive form of cancer as a teenager, juxtaposed against her experiences - now - as a new mother….of death transcended by life. It is also a testament to the power of family, and faith, as part of the healing journey. The fact of her parents having kept their journal documenting the experience adds to the authenticity of the telling.
I had never heard of this type of cancer before - it is quite rare - and was quite absorbed by the medical drama. While I understand why the author alternated perspectives - then and now - I think it took away some from the power of the story. Every time the ‘dramatic tension’ - yes, I understand that this is non-fiction!!! - increases, and we really are feeling like we are living the experience alongside Harriet, we are abruptly removed from the situation and catapulted forward into the present. And while it’s hard not to be happy that Harriet survived and was - against all odds - able to become a mother, naturally, I did find it all rather jarring.
Notwithstanding this… a highly recommended read.
I had never heard of this type of cancer before - it is quite rare - and was quite absorbed by the medical drama. While I understand why the author alternated perspectives - then and now - I think it took away some from the power of the story. Every time the ‘dramatic tension’ - yes, I understand that this is non-fiction!!! - increases, and we really are feeling like we are living the experience alongside Harriet, we are abruptly removed from the situation and catapulted forward into the present. And while it’s hard not to be happy that Harriet survived and was - against all odds - able to become a mother, naturally, I did find it all rather jarring.
Notwithstanding this… a highly recommended read.
August 3, 2021
I grew up down the street from Harriet. I remember her as the kind, good-natured and friendly babysitter - the only one who was able to control my rambunctious brother (she would always promise him stickers if he went to bed on time).
I was only 9 when I heard of her leukemia diagnosis, so I really only understood its severity by the neighbourhood's response to it.
I remember my mom making food to bring to her family so that they had some home-cooked meals to eat during the long nights at the hospital - as did many of the other families on the street (she references this in the book).
All that is to say that this book was personally touching for me, and a nice way of knowing that all of these years later, she is alive and well (though she was little more than a friendly acquaintance / neighbour, the event was such a shocking one that, I've found she's occasionally popped into my thoughts over the years).
From a more objective perspective, I found the candidness and the rawness of the writing to be very moving. The reader really feels as though they are there throughout the months-long process of Harriet's battle with leukemia.
I was only 9 when I heard of her leukemia diagnosis, so I really only understood its severity by the neighbourhood's response to it.
I remember my mom making food to bring to her family so that they had some home-cooked meals to eat during the long nights at the hospital - as did many of the other families on the street (she references this in the book).
All that is to say that this book was personally touching for me, and a nice way of knowing that all of these years later, she is alive and well (though she was little more than a friendly acquaintance / neighbour, the event was such a shocking one that, I've found she's occasionally popped into my thoughts over the years).
From a more objective perspective, I found the candidness and the rawness of the writing to be very moving. The reader really feels as though they are there throughout the months-long process of Harriet's battle with leukemia.
December 31, 2020
Really nice to read a cancer memoir with a happy ending for a change! I related to so much of this book as someone who spent a LOT of time in Children's hospitals for life-threatening medical conditions. Mine was not as rare and severe as Harriet's but so much of our experiences were similar: long, bored days spent in hospital rooms with one parent or another, scattered journal notes kept from those days, being grateful for beating the odds and getting to have a "normal" life. Recognizing that there were so many friends that were not as lucky and life is really fragile. Happy for her and her little family and that she was able to write such a relatable book about her experience (plus she's Canadian too).
July 15, 2025
Harriet had a rare type of blood cancer in her teens. She doesn’t believe in the transformation power of an illness. She doesn’t even believe in God. She only believes in the unconditional love from her parents and friends that comforted her throughout her time at the hospital to undergo her life-saving treatments.
This memoir chronicled her time as a teen going through treatments for her cancer and also the aftermath of it. She shared them side by side effortlessly in this book. She included journals and note written by her family, doctors, nurse, and herself. This is a really heartfelt and poignant memoir!
This memoir chronicled her time as a teen going through treatments for her cancer and also the aftermath of it. She shared them side by side effortlessly in this book. She included journals and note written by her family, doctors, nurse, and herself. This is a really heartfelt and poignant memoir!
January 5, 2021
A beautifully and eloquently written memoir. Absolutely loved this book. Even though it brought tears to my eyes, it made me smile too.
It was a difficult book to put down despite having known most of the history and outcome. So wonderful how Harriet intertwined her current life and pregnancy with her past life and how she looks back at the disease and the lives her illness touched with a new understanding and perspective.
It was a difficult book to put down despite having known most of the history and outcome. So wonderful how Harriet intertwined her current life and pregnancy with her past life and how she looks back at the disease and the lives her illness touched with a new understanding and perspective.
May 23, 2021
Terrible and beautiful. Harriet at 15, with her amazing parents by her side, showed such fortitude in the face of a major ordeal. Her countering, or at least skepticism, of the ridiculous religious crap that people threw her way was so level headed. I love the way she knits together the distant and more recent past, and brings in the notes and records written by those who cared for her. This is not an easy read, but it is well written and worth the time.
March 28, 2021
This book should have been unbearable to read but somehow it wasn’t. Lye is very deft in her juxtaposition of the two timelines, creating a sense of distance that allows for clarity and honesty without overwhelming the reader.
May 1, 2021
A 15 year old girl, Harriet, an unbelievably bad leukemia diagnosis ( called Natural Killer) and the beauty of a new life created. How unimaginable it must be to live through your child suffering from such a monstrous disease. I loved this story ... her fifth round of chemo broke me.
September 9, 2021
This book was interesting but left me hungry as I had expected more based on the synopsis.
I do realize though that since this memoir was written retrospectively it isn’t as raw as it could have been.
Short and sweet.
I do realize though that since this memoir was written retrospectively it isn’t as raw as it could have been.
Short and sweet.
February 8, 2021
Beautifully written, life-affirming and hard to put down!
February 16, 2021
Beautifully written memoir, hard to put down.
I'm putting 4 stars "only" because I'm not sure what I learnt from it.
I'm putting 4 stars "only" because I'm not sure what I learnt from it.
September 24, 2021
Beautifully written
November 24, 2021
What an incredible story. I think I cried 3 times listening to this audiobook. I’m in awe of the journey the author went through. ❤️
October 9, 2022
Beautiful, lyrical prose. I love the way Lye braids the story between her fifteen year-old-self and present day.
October 22, 2022
What a beautiful book. I’d say it’s about hope. I finished it in one gulp. Harriet is a wonderful, natural writer.
July 10, 2023
Very well written
Touching
Past
Present
The effects
The consequences
Cancer
Touching
Past
Present
The effects
The consequences
Cancer
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews