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CCEF Minibooks
Angry Children: Understanding and Helping Your Child Regain Control
If you have an angry child you are most likely worn out, confused, and looking for answers to questions like ""How can I restore sanity to this chaos?""""How can I prevent these anger storms in my child?""""Why does this rage seem to explode from out of nowhere?"" In Angry Understanding and Helping Your Child Regain Control , CCEFs Dr. Michael R. Emlet offers you needed help by explaining both the deeper heart issues and possible physical weaknesses that can fuel a child's angry explosions. Then, using his experience as a doctor, counselor, and parent, he applies the truths of the Bible to your child's struggles with anger and outlines practical strategies for helping your child learn self-control.New Growth Press minibooks are frequently used by pastors and ministry leaders to help others apply biblical wisdom to specific life issues. Churches, biblical counseling ministries, and missional organizations make the minibooks available in their acrylic display cases to further discipleship and gospel-centered living.
- GenresParenting
24 pages, Paperback
First published June 30, 1905
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About the author
Michael R. Emlet
18 books25 followersMichael R. Emlet, M.Div., M.D., practiced as a family physician for twelve years before becoming a counselor and faculty member at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF).
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
September 29, 2022
What help is there for a parent of an angry child? This biblical booklet addressing the parent on this issue is helpful. It is a from a minibook series published by New Growth Press which feature booklets authored by various counselors from the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF). The author Michael Emlet is a faculty member of CCEF and a family physician before becoming a biblical counselor. I appreciate with his background he is still able to write in a way that’s accessible for the general Christian reader. It was a worthwhile resource for Biblical and Pastoral Counselors to give parents who are burdened to minister to their worrying child.
There are some things I really enjoyed about the book and even with the first paragraph Emlet states that there is a difference between a strong willed child and an angry child; this distinction is important. I love how the booklet drives readers to find the heart of the manner with where the anger of our child comes from. With this topic the author throughout the work stresses taking the log out of one’s own eye and the need to speak and respond in a way that does not provoke anger and also to not be hypocritical ourselves. There’s a lot of great diagnostic questions throughout this booklet.
Under “Practical Strategies for Change” there were times I had concerns of whether the author’s advice might allow the child to get away with anger not being dealt with. But as I read it again I thought there is an importance to see that while considering a child’s heart helps us have a deeper understanding of a child’s anger problem (which we would want) still understanding the situational factor of a child’s anger helps us get a wider understanding of a child’s anger. Understanding the situational context of a child’s outburst also help with coming up with strategies together with the child’s cooperation to creatively have strategies that can avoid a crisis moment of anger. The example of a child’s tantrum 30 minutes before dinner was a good one with talking with the child, identifying the cause of the child’s tantrum and coming up with solutions that doesn’t require compromises of principles.
Once again this booklet is a worthwhile resource for Biblical and Pastoral Counselors to give parents who are burdened to minister to their worrying child.
There are some things I really enjoyed about the book and even with the first paragraph Emlet states that there is a difference between a strong willed child and an angry child; this distinction is important. I love how the booklet drives readers to find the heart of the manner with where the anger of our child comes from. With this topic the author throughout the work stresses taking the log out of one’s own eye and the need to speak and respond in a way that does not provoke anger and also to not be hypocritical ourselves. There’s a lot of great diagnostic questions throughout this booklet.
Under “Practical Strategies for Change” there were times I had concerns of whether the author’s advice might allow the child to get away with anger not being dealt with. But as I read it again I thought there is an importance to see that while considering a child’s heart helps us have a deeper understanding of a child’s anger problem (which we would want) still understanding the situational factor of a child’s anger helps us get a wider understanding of a child’s anger. Understanding the situational context of a child’s outburst also help with coming up with strategies together with the child’s cooperation to creatively have strategies that can avoid a crisis moment of anger. The example of a child’s tantrum 30 minutes before dinner was a good one with talking with the child, identifying the cause of the child’s tantrum and coming up with solutions that doesn’t require compromises of principles.
Once again this booklet is a worthwhile resource for Biblical and Pastoral Counselors to give parents who are burdened to minister to their worrying child.
December 2, 2020
I think any toddler that suffers with self control, not just anger, (and their still-struggling parents!) can benefit from this gospel-centered resource.
April 24, 2026
Brief, helpful, biblical guidance on parenting angry children.
Notes
Before focusing on child's anger, focus on your provoking child to anger (Pro 15:1; Eph 6:4).
Questions to ask yourself about provoking child to anger
• Do I get angry when my child gets angry?
• Do I get angry with my spouse when we disagree?
• Do my expectations for my child vary from day-to-day?
• Do I discipline my child for something one day, then not for the same thing another day?
• Do I apply different consequences to the same misbehavior?
• Do I communicate a consistent, low-level frustration with my child?
Questions to ask yourself about child's heart
• What specifically does child desire, fear, or believe in this moment? Sinful anger reveals desire that that's being frustrated.
• What specifically is child not believing about God's character, actions, promises, commands which would speak directly to frustrated desires or fears?
What child needs to understand
• God calls and equips them to live responsibly.
• Life is not mainly about what's easiest for them, but what's most honoring to God (1 Cor 10:31) and beneficial for others (Phil 2:1–11).
• God will not withhold any good thing (Romans 8:32).
• God helps them respond rightly to situations (1 Corinthians 10:31; Hebrews 4:15–16).
Physiological factors that may contribute to child's anger
• Difficulties with short-term memory
• Decreased ability to organize and plan
• Difficulty with multitasking
• Being a "black and white" thinker (thinking there's only one way to do things)
• Problems shifting quickly from one situation or set of expectations to another
• Difficulty expressing oneself verbally
• Social skills weaknesses (e.g., difficulty recognizing non-verbal cues, difficulty understanding how one is coming across to another person)
How to build your relationship with child
• Build on child's strengths rather than focus on their weaknesses and sin.
• Have enjoyable time with child. Devote quantity time, not only quality time, in what child wants to do.
• Speak positively, not negatively, to others about child.
• Try to say yes to child's requests more often. Imitate Father who isn't stingy but lavishes good gifts (Rom 8:32).
• In your prayers, repent of your sin, ask for fruit of Spirit and other virtues in child, ask for wisdom to help child with struggles.
Model consistency
• Practice what you preach. Treat child with same respect and care you want from them.
• Be clear and consistent in expectations, rules.
• Be consistent in discipline. Don't react to misbehavior out of frustration. Be restorative, not punitive.
Model simplicity. Give simple, clear instructions.
Model dependency
• Model dependency on God by repenting in front of child when you sin. When you sin against child, confess to them (Jas 5:16). Ask them to pray that God would help you be a good parent. Tell child that you're under God's authority and want to please Him.
• Remind child that they must depend on God to change their heart and behavior. When you discipline, identify wrong motives and behaviors, and have child ask God for forgiveness and obedience (1 Cor 15:10).
How to handle child whose anger is increasing
• Stick to your expectations (often leads to tantrum).
• Drop or reduce expectations (usually keeps the peace).
• Give child time alone to calm down and reconsider attitude. This isn't a time out (which is disciplinary). This also gives you time to cool down, think, pray.
• Use humor, laughter, smile, hug to disarm child (Pro 15:1).
• Creatively cooperate with child to come up with a mutually acceptable solution that takes both your concerns seriously and honors God (Phil 2:4). It's better to do this proactively when you're both calm.
Notes
Before focusing on child's anger, focus on your provoking child to anger (Pro 15:1; Eph 6:4).
Questions to ask yourself about provoking child to anger
• Do I get angry when my child gets angry?
• Do I get angry with my spouse when we disagree?
• Do my expectations for my child vary from day-to-day?
• Do I discipline my child for something one day, then not for the same thing another day?
• Do I apply different consequences to the same misbehavior?
• Do I communicate a consistent, low-level frustration with my child?
Questions to ask yourself about child's heart
• What specifically does child desire, fear, or believe in this moment? Sinful anger reveals desire that that's being frustrated.
• What specifically is child not believing about God's character, actions, promises, commands which would speak directly to frustrated desires or fears?
What child needs to understand
• God calls and equips them to live responsibly.
• Life is not mainly about what's easiest for them, but what's most honoring to God (1 Cor 10:31) and beneficial for others (Phil 2:1–11).
• God will not withhold any good thing (Romans 8:32).
• God helps them respond rightly to situations (1 Corinthians 10:31; Hebrews 4:15–16).
Physiological factors that may contribute to child's anger
• Difficulties with short-term memory
• Decreased ability to organize and plan
• Difficulty with multitasking
• Being a "black and white" thinker (thinking there's only one way to do things)
• Problems shifting quickly from one situation or set of expectations to another
• Difficulty expressing oneself verbally
• Social skills weaknesses (e.g., difficulty recognizing non-verbal cues, difficulty understanding how one is coming across to another person)
How to build your relationship with child
• Build on child's strengths rather than focus on their weaknesses and sin.
• Have enjoyable time with child. Devote quantity time, not only quality time, in what child wants to do.
• Speak positively, not negatively, to others about child.
• Try to say yes to child's requests more often. Imitate Father who isn't stingy but lavishes good gifts (Rom 8:32).
• In your prayers, repent of your sin, ask for fruit of Spirit and other virtues in child, ask for wisdom to help child with struggles.
Model consistency
• Practice what you preach. Treat child with same respect and care you want from them.
• Be clear and consistent in expectations, rules.
• Be consistent in discipline. Don't react to misbehavior out of frustration. Be restorative, not punitive.
Model simplicity. Give simple, clear instructions.
Model dependency
• Model dependency on God by repenting in front of child when you sin. When you sin against child, confess to them (Jas 5:16). Ask them to pray that God would help you be a good parent. Tell child that you're under God's authority and want to please Him.
• Remind child that they must depend on God to change their heart and behavior. When you discipline, identify wrong motives and behaviors, and have child ask God for forgiveness and obedience (1 Cor 15:10).
How to handle child whose anger is increasing
• Stick to your expectations (often leads to tantrum).
• Drop or reduce expectations (usually keeps the peace).
• Give child time alone to calm down and reconsider attitude. This isn't a time out (which is disciplinary). This also gives you time to cool down, think, pray.
• Use humor, laughter, smile, hug to disarm child (Pro 15:1).
• Creatively cooperate with child to come up with a mutually acceptable solution that takes both your concerns seriously and honors God (Phil 2:4). It's better to do this proactively when you're both calm.
January 2, 2024
Godly Wisdom
This short booklet is full of godly wisdom. Emlet concisely writes what parents (and biblical counselors) need to know in order to deal with angry children in a biblical way. It is easy to read and a quick resource “in the moment” of dealing with the heart of an angry child.
This short booklet is full of godly wisdom. Emlet concisely writes what parents (and biblical counselors) need to know in order to deal with angry children in a biblical way. It is easy to read and a quick resource “in the moment” of dealing with the heart of an angry child.
July 5, 2020
A short booklet from CCEF, this book is a helpful “emergency resource” to give some parents some basic things to think about when dealing with angry children. It won’t be your last resource to consult, but it’s a very accessible first resource. I would commend it.
October 12, 2025
This is a short but very helpful and wise booklet on understanding the heart of anger and beginning steps to practically help a child prone to angry responses to life situations toward glorifying God.
July 6, 2021
Exactly the encouragement I needed. This short booklet gives the background behind anger issues and helpful ways to help those anger outbursts.
September 24, 2021
Very good little booklet. Consider this an intro to explore more. Great for pastoral counseling.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews