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Our world is slowly healing after surviving a horrific war. The magical and non-magical creatures of Brinnswick have pulled together to mend the world, but the man I think—really, I know—is my viramore, my soulmate, has somehow been left behind.

I felt drawn to him as soon as I met him, and I wanted to explore what we were to each other, but I never got the chance. Two of my brothers and I were whisked away to the land of the fae for three years in order to save our realm. But now I’m back, and I want to pick up where we left off, only it’s not that easy.

Toby is still heartbroken over what’s happened, and it seems his past is out to get him when bodies drained of blood start appearing all over Brinnswick. As we follow leads, I need to regain his trust and help heal his broken heart… and just maybe he’ll help heal mine as well.

Thayer is the first book in The Brinnswick Chronicles and takes place in the same world as The Ellwood Chronicles, but can be read as a standalone novel. It contains explicit material and is intended for mature adults 18 years old and older.

362 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 17, 2020

242 people are currently reading
640 people want to read

About the author

Michele Notaro

76 books945 followers
Michele is married to an awesome guy that puts up with her and all the burnt dinners she makes—hey, sometimes characters are a bit distracting, and who doesn’t plot when they’re supposed to be cooking? They live together in Baltimore, Maryland with two little monsters, a three-legged princess, a four-legged goofball, and a cutie with giant ears (aka their two kids, their two cats, and their dog). She hopes to rescue another cat soon, and if her hubby wouldn’t kill her, she’d get more than one… and maybe a few more dogs as well.

She loves creating worlds filled with lots of love, chosen family, and of course, magic, but she also likes making the characters fight for that happy ending. She hopes to one day write all the stories in her head—even if there are too many to count!

If you would like updates on my new books or to be notified when a new book is released, please join my mailing list:
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Feel free to contact me. I’d love to hear from you.

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5 stars
558 (47%)
4 stars
398 (33%)
3 stars
178 (15%)
2 stars
29 (2%)
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14 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 113 reviews
Profile Image for John Altman.
258 reviews33 followers
April 15, 2020
Thayer and Toby!

1) I read reviews before reading this book and believe I understand the disconnect readers were having with this book. With that in mind, I enjoyed the book especially since I was interested in Toby's story.
2) I think readers, myself included, miss Ailin and Seb's story and wanted more books involving them as the main characters and in this book they are supporting characters.
3) Thayer's character is different from the previous books and I believe readers had a hard time reconciling this Thayer from the previous books but in a sense this Thayer is different because of the Beserker War and having been gone for 3 years and he grew up and the world has changed while he was gone.
4) My recommendation to readers is to go into this book with fresh eyes because Toby's story alone was worth it.
Total Rating: 3.9 Stars out of 5
Rating Review Rollout:
(1) Blurb vs Story matchup: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(2) Character Development: 5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
(3) Danger/Drama/Thrills/Chills: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(4) Editing/Proofreading: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(5) Entertainment Value: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(6) Feeling the Words: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(7) Flow of the Story: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(8) Keeps my Attention: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(9) MC Appeal: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(10) MC Backstory: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(11) MC Chemistry: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(12) MC Love Connection: 3 🌟🌟🌟
(13) Plot Worthiness: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
(14) Sexy Sex Scenes: 3 🌟🌟🌟
(15) Wrap Up of Loose Ends: 4 🌟🌟🌟🌟
Profile Image for Juli.
73 reviews23 followers
July 28, 2023
dnf at 21%. Annoyed with everyone already.
Profile Image for Gerbera_Reads.
1,687 reviews154 followers
March 28, 2020
Oh, this was good. A spin-off from The Elwood Chronicles that features the younger generation of Elwood siblings finding love and danger. This story was very angsty especially the first part. Poor Toby, I nearly started crying when his past was revealed. I get why he was so cautious with Thayer and do not blame him one bit.

The story time frame wise begins during the Berserker Wars that were the culmination of the The Enchanter's Heart and is told from Toby and Thayer's POVs - how their fledgling relationship was slowly blossoming, what happened to Toby when Thayer disappeared into the portal. It was another angle at the war as well. I liked the slower pace both young men took, how they got to know each other again. One thing to note: sometimes readers ask for books with no penetrative s*ex, and this is it. It's not light on steam, young men find ways to be together but they never go the entire way due to personal reasons. I liked that Thay respected Toby in that regard.

The second part of the book is fast paced, suspenseful and full of intense fights and villains hell bent on wtfuckery of all sorts! I loved the chase, the uncertainty and the omg raw pain!!!! That was very good. In the end the author showed Thay and Tobe's finally somewhat settled relationship, the bond between three brothers and the fact that their troubles are far from over. Loved this book to bits! Can't wait for the next Ellwood sibling to jump through hoops to get their HEA and piss off Ailin!
Profile Image for Mir.
1,114 reviews62 followers
January 13, 2025
I was very much enjoying this, but I felt like it faltered a bit near the end and lost steam.

It was VERY emotional, and I loved how Toby and Thayer worked through the hurt. I loved seeing everyone else again. I would’ve liked a bit more explanation of what happened when Thayer, Basil, and Jorah were gone for three years, but I was also glad not to have to deal with flashbacks.

I felt like this was very gory but also kind of YA vibes at the same time and that left me feeling a bit lost. Thayer was also written with a different personality than when he was a secondary character in previous books.
Profile Image for Ivy.
422 reviews12 followers
March 22, 2020
During the war against the berserkers (Ellwood Chronicle series) Thayer Ellwood and two of his brothers, Jorah and Basil, absorbed the power of the three. In order to survive, Nick and Talon, 2 faes and guardian of the three, took them in Faela, the Fae realm. They leave behind them their parents, family and life. But Thayer leaves more than his family, he leaves his viramore, Toby.
After 3 years separated, Thayer is back and ready to make up with Toby. But Toby isn’t the same man than the one he left. He’s broken more than before. After a life of torture, pain and loneliness, Toby doesn’t want to suffer again, he knows that if Thayer disappear again, he will die.
Finally, I have to read Thayer and Toby, I was waiting for them since the end of the Ellwood Chronicle series. I wasn’t disappointed.
Thayer and Toby had to reconnect together. Toby didn’t trust Thayer anymore. And while Thayer couldn’t help it to disappear in Faela in order to save the world and their life, he knew he hurt Toby deeply.
Both men will have to gain to know each other again. To trust each other.
It was a beautiful book. Full of angst and deep feeling. Thayer and Toby are beautiful together, my heart broke multi time for Toby. It was funny to discover Thayer as a young adult, to see how much Ailin had impact his life and tempers. Thayer made me think of Ailin in so much way, it was funny and cute.
I was super happy to have my favorite coven back into my life and I can’t wait to read more about the kids.
I’m looking forward for the next book... Can’t wait to see what Michele Notaro has prepared for us.
Profile Image for ᗰ.ᑕ. ❄️ O͎L͎D͎E͎R͎ ͎&͎ ͎W͎I͎S͎E͎R͎.
1,791 reviews35 followers
May 20, 2024
Read 2020

A Generic MM Fantasy Romance

The story is somewhat interesting. The ending dragged too much. I had to skim to get through it.

👍 It's good that Thayer and Toby (the MCs) are described. I don't know what Emrys and Julius look like, since they weren't in their book.

⤵️ Low-Steam. There's one quick blowjob, some clothes on frottage, a few instances of cuddling and lots and lots of kissing. That's it, so don't be looking for anything more or you'll be severely disappointed (like me).

🍭 The romance is sugary sweet. It lacks any realism.

😇 The MCs have no flaws. As a result, they were two-dimensional and didn't feel like real people.

👥 The MCs are indistinct & interchangeable. I often got confused as to who was talking.

☹️ Overall, a disappointing read. I won't be continuing with the series.
Profile Image for Xanthe.
2,528 reviews46 followers
March 22, 2020
I've been eagerly awaiting this book since the end of the Ellwood Chronicles and it's a fantastic read!! I highly recommend reading that series first characters and relationships follow on, though we focus on different ones in this series, and events overlap from the end of The Enchanter's Heart and this book.
Within pages Tobias is full on pulling at my heartstrings with his history, how low he feels about himself and his self worth. Three years without Thayer has left him feel more alone than ever. Thayer is so excited when they reunite but he, Basil and Jorah haven't quite thought about how hard things have actually been for everyone that was left in this realm. Whilst Toby had no idea is Thayer was alive or dead, Thayer knew he'd go back and they would reunite. It feels like a natural evolution that occurs as the two men learn to be around each other again, with Thayer being three years older since he left and being much more grown up but still happy to cause some mischief once in a while.
New/stronger bonds have been formed, especially between the Mantle of the Three (Thayer, Basil and Jorah). Theirs is something that is unknown to anyone before but really interesting in how it works, I look forward to learning more of their time in the Fae realm. Ailin and Thayer's relationship is so much better, something that gives you warmth after how they were when Thayer was an angsty teen.
There's a brilliant plot for readers to dive into that carries you right through to the end of the story along with the relationship and character development that happens. Fans of the previous series will enjoy updates to the world around them as recovery from the Beserker War has taken place with a unity developing between all forms of magic users, creatures and humans with of course those looking to take advantage.
Another must read from Michele Notaro. Thoroughly enjoyed the whole story and looking forward to who is up next in this series.
I received an ARC and am happily giving a review.
Profile Image for Devoted❤️Reader.
1,615 reviews31 followers
March 20, 2020
Finding your light

Gah, I’ve been waiting for this book since the end of the Ellwood Chronicles and it is freaking fantastic!!! There’s nothing like being able to immerse yourself in another world and Brinnswick along with the family, love and friendship that come with it is a dream come true. Plus I really enjoyed the creative cursing and endearments throughout the book.

Toby’s pain and sadness broke my heart. He needs all the hugs and love and I know just the guy and family who’s up to the task. “...no matter what you say or what happens, you’re mine. You’ve always been mine, you’ll always be mine.” Go Thayer go, I adore him so much. He is a fierce, strong, bada$$ stubborn witch, and seeing him become what he is was spectacular. Not to mention he’s also a little terrifying but super sexy when angry. Well, they both are. Their love dazzled me and I am happily under their spell. I was glued to this book from the moment I started and only wish I never have to leave this world. A spellbinding and enthralling magical adventure.
Profile Image for Kevin.
32 reviews
January 7, 2023
Tobe and the others kind of annoyed me with them getting pissed over Thayer, jora and basil having to go back to faela the second time. And Toby's pitty part really got on my nerves but all in all it was a good book
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for P Leslie.
3,203 reviews17 followers
March 20, 2020
I wanted to give Toby a massive never ending hug. He was sweet, adorable and shy around Thayer but their separation took its toll on Toby. Toby’s heart was broken and his anger, sadness and insecurities bleed through the cracks.

Toby’s past and the things he went through broke my heart yet it was nothing compared to the state he was found in much later. My tears wouldn’t stop - there was so much raw emotion captured in that part of the book.

*I voluntarily read this book. All opinions stated are solely my own and no one else's*


Profile Image for Danna Iuliana.
1,106 reviews2 followers
June 26, 2020
I m enjoying this series very much but this book had a bit too much crying for me. I like vulnerability and angst but the characters cried way too easily. That said the MC's were sweet, I understood Toby's panic at being left behind and his anguish when Thayer left. I adored Thay's attitude of not giving up on Toby and determined to always prove him they were meant to be. Thay was a determined little fella, just what Toby needed.
Profile Image for Danis  ❤️ MM.
808 reviews6 followers
October 14, 2024
A solid 3.75.

First off, I tagged noncon simply because one of the MCs, Toby, has history of this and it does come up many times in this book as its sort of the crux of why he reacts the way he does in certain situations.

I have to admit, I do like the start of this spin off (The Ellwood Chronicles) series much better than I liked the parent series. Thayer is young, I grant you that, but very mature after his experience absorbing the Power of Three and he knows what, and who he wants. His fated mate, Toby. Toby, a shy vampire with a horribly abusive past and trust issues to begin with, it still reeling from Thayer's disappearance three years ago. Of course there's a crazy vampire killing humans and paranormals alike that Toby much track down and he reluctantly accepts Thayer's help. With Thayer so close its hard for Toby to keep Thayer at arm's length for too long.

Although you don't have to read the parent series to know what is going on here (the author does a decent job of recap), it really would benefit the reader to start with the Ellwood series.
Profile Image for Tristan.
918 reviews20 followers
March 23, 2020
3/5

It was a decent book. My only issue (and a big one at that), which is more of a personal opinion, is Thayer's age. I know he's 21, but considering how old Toby actually is and how childish Thayer character is, I just find the couple a little bit uncomfortable to watch.
Profile Image for Angie.
980 reviews6 followers
March 25, 2020
Hurt/Comfort Magical Vampire MM Romance

3 stars!

I really liked the Ellwood Chronicles which is the series that sparked this spin off. I highly recommend reading in order so you see all the background on these characters and how they got here.

I was really excited to see how these MCs found their way back to each other but it was a really sappy and emotional ride. For many that isn't a bad thing but I'm just not all about that gross sappy stuff so for me it was a negative. This is the pan ultimate hurt/comfort trope.

I liked the detective work/side story but it felt kind of manufactured like what are the odds it would be this guy at this time and ,maybe I have a hard time suspending reality but there were a few gaps in the hows and whys. That said I still enjoyed reading the intense and action packed battle scenes which really helped with the pace of the slower emotional moments.

This may seem like a negative review but really it was a solid magical vampire romance that really felt reminiscent of the Ellwood Chronicles but also had it's own identity. I'm excited for the next story!
Profile Image for Aki.
1,011 reviews
April 29, 2025
Super nett, aber das Trauma wird für mich zu einfach "verarbeitet" bzw. zu wenig behandelt. Wäre dann aber auch ein wesentlich deprimierenderes Buch gewesen.
Profile Image for Chris Coleman.
101 reviews
January 6, 2023
Can Toby and Thayer find what they were building?
This is a nice continuation of The Enchanter's Heart: The Ellwood Chronicles it builds from the ending of that story. The over lap between what happened int in The Enchanter's Heart with parts of the story we only saw glimpses of is nice. This is a story that has some meat and understands that for those that are left behind their lives conetine, not always in great ways and to trust that the person that you love more than anyone else will not leave you again is the hardest thing to do. Will Toby really trust Thayer again? Can Thayer understand what his absence of three years did to the people that loved him.
Also the family that restructured to deal with the lose is a wonderful touch.
This is a very good book. Will there be a happy ending for them?
Profile Image for AshPenny37 .
1,028 reviews5 followers
March 22, 2020
Thayer's story takes place three years after the end of the beserker war in the Ellwood Chronicles. Thayer, Basil and Jorah Ellwood have returned to Brinnswick from the Fae land, having learned to harness their collective powers as the Mantle of the Three. Thayer assumes he can just reappear and Tobias, his viramore, and he will be able to carry on from where their budding relationship left off three years previously. He's wrong...Toby is a changed man and can't just accept that Thayer is back to stay.

Oh Tobias! My heart broke for Tobias. He may be a vampire of more than 130 years old, but he's also a tender soul, who has suffered greatly at the hands of people who were supposed to take care of him. This has left him with serious trust and abandonment issues. Thayer may have left the war a troublemaking kid and come back a troublemaking badass, but he still has a lot to learn about building relationships: he needs to build bridges with all of the family he left behind as well as Toby. Once they sort out the things that are keeping their relationship from progressing, Toby and Thayer are so sweet together and their HEA is well-earned.

Amidst the difficulties of reconnecting, the two main characters have to investigate a spate of murders that may be connected to Tobias' past. The action, although a little sparse in terms of the overall story (for me, there is a bit of an imbalance in favour of the MCs' relationship being repaired), is punchy. When it happens, the action is fast-paced and, on occasion, shocking. These boys are definitely being put through the wringer!

I love the Brinnswick world and am happy that we get to see so many of the characters from the Ellwood Chronicles in supporting roles in this book, including the Bonded. I'm looking forward to catching up with them all again as, while Thayer doesn't exactly end on a cliffhanger, the door is definitely open for more adventures for the Ellwood family.
40 reviews7 followers
August 24, 2025
This book is set in the same universe as The Ellwood Chronicles. While this book is the beginning of a new series and has enough backstory included that it can absolutely be read on its own, I suggest reading The Ellwood Chronicles first. There is a lot of world building and character development in the first series that give this book even more depth—especially for secondary characters and events. This book begins immediately following the events in The Enchanter's Heart (The Ellwood Chronicles, Book 4).

Thayer and Toby are destined to be together, but both have a past they need to overcome. Unfortunately, Thayer’s decision to protect those he loves resulted in a three-year separation; it leaves both men changed and Toby uncertain that they can ever have a forever together. There is romance, angst, a vicious villain, a heart-wrenching encounter with evil, and a side trip with a lot of pink. This is one of those books you need to immerse yourself in and just let the story unfold.

Looking forward to reading future books in this great new spin-off series.

Rating Average = 4.2
1) Plot development propels reader forward: 5
2) Character development: 5
3) World building: 4
4) Fulfilling sense of drama-suspense-adventure: 4
5) Chemistry between main characters: 4
6) Romantic elements: 4
7) Consistency throughout: 4
8) Formatting and layout: 5
9) Editing/Grammar: 3
10) Wrap up loose ends: 4
Profile Image for Maggie.
231 reviews10 followers
April 6, 2020
The first chapter of the next set of Brinnswick books starts off with a bang!

This book takes place immediately after The Enchanter's Heart with the three boys - now men - returning from Faela after harnessing the Power of Three. Thayer had just found his viramore in the vampire 'child' of Julius - Tobias (aka Toby). Toby, who'd already been damaged by almost a lifetime of abuse and abandonment, broke when Thayer and his brothers took on the mantle of Three and disappeared into Faela. He began to self harm, and his family, his den, his coven all worried about him in the ensuing three years.

Thayer's return comes just as Toby's past returns to haunt him. Will Thayer have finally managed to come home only to lose his viramore to the past that hunts him? And what is hunting the Power of Three? Brinnswick isn't nearly as peaceful as one might think after a war that nearly destroyed everything. There are those who haven't handled the integration well, there are those that still feel they should be top of the food chain and there's a dark underbelly that still exists in Brinnswick. Will Thayer be able to protect Toby while Toby guards his back? Will they be able to to rebuild what they lost at the end of the war?

Read the book and find out!
Profile Image for Sarita Chapdelaine.
1,251 reviews1 follower
April 2, 2020
This is an amazing start to a new series and I loved it. Thayer is beautifully written, intense, gritty, fast paced, full of action, has some interesting twists, is heartbreakingly sad, full of hope, the characters are incredible and the world building is great. I do highly recommend reading the previous series - The Ellwood Chronicles - before starting this one so you get the full experience of this wonderful world that Michele Notaro has created and get to know a lot of the secondary characters that are in this new story. Thayer and Toby are perfect for each other but the reality is that Toby's past has taught him that no one ever stays with him or truly loves him so Thayer has a lot of obstacles to deal with to have the chance to claim and love his viramore. Toby has been so traumatised by his past that even hoping to be with Thayer is painful and he doesn't trust the new family that has been there for him for the last several years. Along with the difficulties in their relationship they still have some old enemies and a few new ones to deal with. Luckily their family is always willing and able to help them. I love the secondary characters, the ending is perfect and I can't wait to read the next book in this wonderful new series.

I voluntarily reviewed an advanced copy of this book.
Profile Image for SophiaH.
592 reviews12 followers
October 25, 2022
A beautiful slow burn love story. I love Thayer and was rooting for Tobias right from the start.
We got to know Tobias in the original link: Ellwood chronicles series and I loved his sweet broken and lonely soul even back then. Being big and strong and burly doesn't mean that your heart cannot be fragile and you cannot be lonely. And sometimes the past isn't so easily dismissed. I appreciated that Michele Notaro doesn't "cure" past ales with intimacies between the couple. There is intimacy and growing trust and there is emotional hurdles to overcome that can't be so easily fixed but rather are learned behaviors. It is mature of Thayer to understand Tobias' needs and give him the space and time as well as the emotional support to become confident in them and trust in them. Tobias had such a rough upbringing and since then everywhere he turned people left him or betrayed him. It hurts my heart and hurts my soul and I am so glad for Thay, so glad for him finally giving Toby what he has always craved. To be loved, to be held, to have a family and to never be alone again. Their story is one of my favorites in this whole universe, while I love them all dearly some grip your heart a little tighter.
Profile Image for Pamela Cunningham.
723 reviews
May 4, 2020
Thayer: is the first book in The Brinnswick Chronicles

This was a great start to the Spin-off to the Enchanter series (Sebastian and Ailin's story ) This was a very emotional book to read in this book we have Tobias/Toby and Thayer's story . In this installment we get a much better look at Toby one of minor characters from the previous series in this book we find out how he ended up with that bastard Samuel and how he and his sire escaped . We also find out what happened during the time that they were separated but I really liked how Toby and Thayer finally come together and how Toby finally learn to trust Thayer and their family . But I still want more of Seb I don't think we had a good solid book about him being the last Enchanter I mean most of those books where more about All in and his family then About Seb coming into his own anywho I really liked the beginning of this new series and I like that we're getting to learn about the other children looking forward to the next book .
Profile Image for Luc.
424 reviews
January 29, 2023
Ahhh

I love Thayer cuz is one of the sweetest. I’m so glad he is into accepting everything that’s happening with a good hearth. I’m mad a Toby tho because he isn’t even trying at first he is so into that stupid mindset of not caring enough because he will be abandoned that is exhausting.

But knowing his story, the rape, and all the stuff that happened is something you learn to conciliate. Is still difficult cuz he is closing up and is not fair for him too. He is not giving anyone a chance/

We know he loves Thayer but sometimes is like ok we got what you went through but please TRY. Until the end he is accepting the help from everyone and realizing that is no longer alone.

Thayer is the greatest soul because he learns how to put the boundaries that Toby needs in order to trust him. He is all about slow, caring and the most patient. It’s great when both get into the viramore stuff without caring.

Love the boys. I want to read the next books.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Rachwithheadinabook.
1,893 reviews
April 1, 2020
The next generation of Ellwoods get their stories and find love. I have been looking forward to the spin-off since it was hinted at, at the end of the Ellwoods Chronicles series. Thayer is back from Faela along with his two brothers, where they have been for three years after the war with the berserkers.

I liked that this is a slow paced book as Thayer has to earn back Toby’s trust, trust that Toby isn’t sure he can give as he is a little more broken than before, He has changed since Thayer left, and if he leaves again Toby is sure he will die.

This book is full of angst and emotions and it is so well written, as Toby and Thayer work together to trust and love once more. It has a great plot that gets you hooked and grabs your attention from the start. This looks to be another unmissable series.
Profile Image for Kevin.
34 reviews1 follower
April 19, 2020
***** Trigger warnings: This book contains physical abuse and emotional abuse in pass reference to rape and trauma. In addtion this is not for the faint at heart, as there is some pretty graphic scenes. ******
Just when you thought this author could have not left you more awestruck with The Ellwood Chronicles. She continues to build the drama, suspense, and romance with The Brimmwick Chronicles. Thayer no longer the boy along with his brothers take from Toby but return as a man with a mission. Toby, however, is a broken make both physically and emotionally from the loss of Thayer. The further world-building, new and old characters can leave you spellbound. I am looking forward to future stories and writing from this author.
725 reviews3 followers
May 6, 2020
oh my, Thayer and Toby have become my favorite people. This book so quickly took over my favorite spot. When Toby showed up many books ago your heart broke for him and all he had to do to survive. Then Thayer and Toby meet and things slowly start to come together then Thayer gets pulled away for two heartbreaking long years. Where we were left wondering if Toby would survive. Then Thayer comes home things are different and Toby is not the same person he was. Will these two be able to come back together again to find there way back to each other? This book broke my heart up and tore it up into little pieces. I spent most of the book with a box of tissues and a few good drinks in hand. I absolutely love this book and it's going to take pure epicness to beat it.
Profile Image for joani.
1,644 reviews6 followers
January 2, 2021
Really good spin off

While keeping our original hero's on the front line. Thayer is back after 3 years with his brothers to a different world. Toby grieved his loss and lost his way. With him back now Toby fears losing him again and Thayer has to prove himself to those he loves that he is here to stay. The only thing that bothers me is that Toby is a real crybaby. After 150 or so of being alive you would think he had thicker skin. I'm only 50 and things just roll of my back now. As you age you find wisdom and you stop feeling all the pain you had when your younger and care less or just in a more philosophical way. Your heart kind of hardens but still open to love.
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