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Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life
Many of us believe we are saved by grace--but for too many, that's the last time grace defines our life. Instead of walking in grace every day, we strive to be good, believing that the Christian life means hard work with an unshakable good mood.
When we fail to measure up to our own impossible standards, we hide behind our good-girl masks, determined to keep our weakness a secret.
In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily P. Freeman invites women to let go of the try-hard life and realize that in Christ we are free to receive from him rather than constantly try to achieve for him.
With an open hand and a whimsical style, Emily encourages women to move from hiding behind masks and do-good performances to the freedom of a life hidden with Christ in God.
When we fail to measure up to our own impossible standards, we hide behind our good-girl masks, determined to keep our weakness a secret.
In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily P. Freeman invites women to let go of the try-hard life and realize that in Christ we are free to receive from him rather than constantly try to achieve for him.
With an open hand and a whimsical style, Emily encourages women to move from hiding behind masks and do-good performances to the freedom of a life hidden with Christ in God.
272 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 2011
326 people are currently reading
7910 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 358 reviews
January 2, 2013
This book went beyond my expectations. The scripture used and experiences the author described were so helpful to me in my walk with Christ. I was so convicted of thoughts and attitudes I have had that have been nothing short of sin (mainly in the self-righteous/pride category). I want desperately to believe anew that Christ died for me even though I often feel that I don't have the sensational testimony that others do. Jesus is still my rescuer even if He is rescuing me from the harsh critic in my own head and the shame that follows when I don't live up to my own set of rules.
The freedom I feel after reading this book is all-encompassing. I am the queen of mask-wearing, and I have to let go and be real.
It really brings me to a place of safety as well knowing that God has gone before me, behind me, and He is here with me now. There is no one on earth that can bring that kind of peace.
Being home all day raising little ones can be a thankless job, but for right now, it is my act of worship. Instead of beating myself up for my shortcomings, I am resolved to just let God work in me and through me. I'm reminded of the word "let" which indicates that I am passive and God is the one doing the work. I have grown weary of trying so hard, and that's where I was wrong. Even though I was doing good things, I was taking credit for most of them. I can't even express all that I've taken from this book, but I do know that I'll be reading it again!
The freedom I feel after reading this book is all-encompassing. I am the queen of mask-wearing, and I have to let go and be real.
It really brings me to a place of safety as well knowing that God has gone before me, behind me, and He is here with me now. There is no one on earth that can bring that kind of peace.
Being home all day raising little ones can be a thankless job, but for right now, it is my act of worship. Instead of beating myself up for my shortcomings, I am resolved to just let God work in me and through me. I'm reminded of the word "let" which indicates that I am passive and God is the one doing the work. I have grown weary of trying so hard, and that's where I was wrong. Even though I was doing good things, I was taking credit for most of them. I can't even express all that I've taken from this book, but I do know that I'll be reading it again!
November 30, 2015
I have a confession to make. I know you will read it and, at best, look at me askance. At worst, you might dismiss me entirely and I will never again be part of your life. And that will be sad. But I've confessed it aloud already, to my pastor's wife, no less. She prayed hard for me and anointed me with oil and that gives me the peace to put it out there for the whole world. In the whole of the bible the character I identify with the most, the person whose story captures me and won't let me go, is the Prodigal's Older Brother.
Do you know it? Luke 15:11-32. Particularly this part: “The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen. The son said, ‘Look how many years I’ve stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!’
It's not inspirational, or moving, or beautiful. It's ugly and base. And until Emily P. Freeman's book came along, I didn't realize it. I only knew that every time the Parable of the Lost Son came up, I couldn't get what people clearly meant me to get. I intellectually understood the analogy, of course. I got that. But even as whatever it was, sermon, article, conversation, whatever, moved on, I was left with a hollow feeling. What about the brother? WHAT. ABOUT. THE BROTHER?! But I knew that was a terrible thing to think, and so I kept it a secret.
Grace for the Good Girl didn't start well for me. I began it in the wee hours of the morning in late September and immediately went into skim mode. Freeman came across as the type of woman I neither like nor wish to be like--all striving and perky and excellently put together, covered in monograms and Vera Bradley prints and making sure you know it. See how obnoxious I am? See how I've been ostracized for so long that not only do I not even attempt to fit in anymore, I'll peremptorily reject you so you don't get the chance to not let me fit in with you? The Holy Spirit, however, rejects no one and never gives up. And, late one other night very recently, there was nothing to do but open the kindle to read it.
And I read it. And through the humblebraggadocio emerged a complete picture of a woman just like me-- whose signs and signifiers were Sorority Girl instead of Sci-Fi Geek. I too was, and still am, a "good" girl. I've had a few wild times but they're only wild to me, if everybody else is telling the truth. I grew up in church. I toed all the lines. I didn't party, do a bunch of drugs, have a lot of sex. None of the stuff that makes for a "powerful testimony" as they say, apply to me. I was the Older Brother, out working hard (even if it was for my self and not my Heavenly Father) while the other kids partied until they couldn't party no more, then came home to love, acceptance and parties. Resentments are petty and ugly. Neither Freeman nor I would make any bones about that. And we all deal with our pain and separation differently-- some of us by being so "good" and diligent that we fail to appreciate all the love and acceptance around us all the time.
I reached the halfway point of Freeman's book about 4:00 a.m. two weeks ago and absolutely couldn't read another word. I was crying so hard I had to get out of bed and go find a quiet place to sob, on my face, to Jesus. To ask Him, for real, to let me come home in a meaningful way and to let me realize the amazingness of His grace and the wonder of His mercy. I let it ride there, for a little while, as I completed the Living in Freedom Everyday bible study, which echoed so much of what I had just learned. And as I moved into the retreat phase-- an intense weekend of confession, prayer, and worship, it all started coming together. I was able to get all the good girl out, the striving girl who tried so, so hard so that she might have a friend; the young woman who turned her back on God because she didn't trust Him with her timeline; the overwhelmed wife and mother who knew enough to be grateful and to reach out but who couldn't cross the line into deep trust.
I finished the book with a sense of peace, able to see past my preconceived notions and learn from what Freeman had to teach. I was actually disappointed when the book ended-- my version has a section for small group leaders and I thought I would get to read several more chapters of teaching. Ah well. Overall, an excellent book when pursued at the right time and in the right frame of mind. I pray that it reaches you if and when it needs to and that you will be open to the Holy Spirit working in you through it.
Do you know it? Luke 15:11-32. Particularly this part: “The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen. The son said, ‘Look how many years I’ve stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!’
It's not inspirational, or moving, or beautiful. It's ugly and base. And until Emily P. Freeman's book came along, I didn't realize it. I only knew that every time the Parable of the Lost Son came up, I couldn't get what people clearly meant me to get. I intellectually understood the analogy, of course. I got that. But even as whatever it was, sermon, article, conversation, whatever, moved on, I was left with a hollow feeling. What about the brother? WHAT. ABOUT. THE BROTHER?! But I knew that was a terrible thing to think, and so I kept it a secret.
Grace for the Good Girl didn't start well for me. I began it in the wee hours of the morning in late September and immediately went into skim mode. Freeman came across as the type of woman I neither like nor wish to be like--all striving and perky and excellently put together, covered in monograms and Vera Bradley prints and making sure you know it. See how obnoxious I am? See how I've been ostracized for so long that not only do I not even attempt to fit in anymore, I'll peremptorily reject you so you don't get the chance to not let me fit in with you? The Holy Spirit, however, rejects no one and never gives up. And, late one other night very recently, there was nothing to do but open the kindle to read it.
And I read it. And through the humblebraggadocio emerged a complete picture of a woman just like me-- whose signs and signifiers were Sorority Girl instead of Sci-Fi Geek. I too was, and still am, a "good" girl. I've had a few wild times but they're only wild to me, if everybody else is telling the truth. I grew up in church. I toed all the lines. I didn't party, do a bunch of drugs, have a lot of sex. None of the stuff that makes for a "powerful testimony" as they say, apply to me. I was the Older Brother, out working hard (even if it was for my self and not my Heavenly Father) while the other kids partied until they couldn't party no more, then came home to love, acceptance and parties. Resentments are petty and ugly. Neither Freeman nor I would make any bones about that. And we all deal with our pain and separation differently-- some of us by being so "good" and diligent that we fail to appreciate all the love and acceptance around us all the time.
I reached the halfway point of Freeman's book about 4:00 a.m. two weeks ago and absolutely couldn't read another word. I was crying so hard I had to get out of bed and go find a quiet place to sob, on my face, to Jesus. To ask Him, for real, to let me come home in a meaningful way and to let me realize the amazingness of His grace and the wonder of His mercy. I let it ride there, for a little while, as I completed the Living in Freedom Everyday bible study, which echoed so much of what I had just learned. And as I moved into the retreat phase-- an intense weekend of confession, prayer, and worship, it all started coming together. I was able to get all the good girl out, the striving girl who tried so, so hard so that she might have a friend; the young woman who turned her back on God because she didn't trust Him with her timeline; the overwhelmed wife and mother who knew enough to be grateful and to reach out but who couldn't cross the line into deep trust.
I finished the book with a sense of peace, able to see past my preconceived notions and learn from what Freeman had to teach. I was actually disappointed when the book ended-- my version has a section for small group leaders and I thought I would get to read several more chapters of teaching. Ah well. Overall, an excellent book when pursued at the right time and in the right frame of mind. I pray that it reaches you if and when it needs to and that you will be open to the Holy Spirit working in you through it.
September 13, 2011
I just finished reading Catholicism by Robert Barron and an overall message that I got from that book is that life is about becoming one with God and that God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are in a word love. The more of you that you put into God, the more love that you are yourself. What an excellent little prayer. Get more love. Get more Jesus in me and my actions and my life in general. When I finished Catholicism last night, I picked up the next book in my stack, Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman.
Now, while I’m still in the middle of this one. It’s another message of love. Letting go of trying so hard, and just love. Heard of “let go and let God”? Things are stacking. That’s a God moment to me, and it’s the ones where he speaks through.
When I first started reading Grace for the Good Girl, I was thinking… I’m not a good girl, not really. Sure, well yeah, now I’m a good girl. But I cannot say I never did X, Y, and Z. I was a good girl, until about eleventh grade. Then I put the love and romance of a boyfriend and a group of friends before my relationship and love for God and the world as I knew it fell apart and pretty much was in shambles until my the year before I graduated college. Anyway, I kept thinking oh, I should recommend this book to Kit-Kat (you reading this sweetie?), she’s the best good girl I know – I’m sure the only sin she’s ever committed is worry. And I still might recommend this book to her (you), but what I realized as I was reading is that I always shut myself down and say I’m a bad girl, I’m a sinner, I did wrong and I’m forever ruined. I always seem to forget that I’m actually good now, I’m clean now. I’m as white as snow, but I never seem to let myself realize it.
So that was epiphany #1.
Going on… into hiding and expectations. I never would have thought of myself as hiding, but in a way I do it. I have this routine. I get eagerly and overly involved way more that I should put my all into it, and then just walk away. I could go way into detail, but I’m not sure I want/nor should open up that much. But what I can tell you is that you do not want to see my TBR pile. As for expectations. Yes, I have those thoughts. I’m tearing myself up when both girls are crying and I cannot fix it. The living room is a mess. It doesn’t matter that the kitchen is gorgeously spotless. There are crumbs on the floor and goldfish in the couch. Magazines and books everywhere, and it shouldn’t be this way. Things should be neat and organized. My Enginerd works all day. I try to make things nice for him, I’m obviously not working hard enough as it’s all in shambles. I’m just not good enough. — Now that was an eye opener.
Epiphany #2. I didn’t see that coming. I didn’t realize that I felt that way about myself and being the housewife. I’m the housewife I want to be nor should be. I’m messed up and not good enough. But what poisonous words. What horrible thoughts. That’s not what Jesus thinks, and that’s not what matters. Yes I do need to put in an effort. What I need to realize is the praise to myself for what I do and can accomplish well. Not suffer and drown in all that I could be better at…
Epiphany #3. I love this blogging thing. But I feel like I’m talking to a wall. What is the point in all this reviewing and blogging business? I definitely do not make money at it. There are those that do, but I refuse to have a blog that looks like a flashing ad. I do have a page (see the top bar) that has a bunch of affiliates and a paypal tip button. I would gladly take anyone someone wanted to share. But I’m not going to plaster it all over, because I do not like looking at that, and doubt someone else would. I want Creative Madness Mama to be a place of serenity. See the lavender? See the green? Tea and books. Scripture and peace. Come here and find something to read. That’s what I want. What’s the point in making ChristianHistoricalFiction.com and trying so desperately to keep up with the latest of what’s coming out. Does it matter? Most of the time I feel like I’m wasting my time and money. But then every once in a while there is a comment that makes my week and I know that there is a point. Something I say might affect someone. Maybe, and that’s a good day.
Originally posted: http://creativemadnessmama.com/blog/2...
Now, while I’m still in the middle of this one. It’s another message of love. Letting go of trying so hard, and just love. Heard of “let go and let God”? Things are stacking. That’s a God moment to me, and it’s the ones where he speaks through.
When I first started reading Grace for the Good Girl, I was thinking… I’m not a good girl, not really. Sure, well yeah, now I’m a good girl. But I cannot say I never did X, Y, and Z. I was a good girl, until about eleventh grade. Then I put the love and romance of a boyfriend and a group of friends before my relationship and love for God and the world as I knew it fell apart and pretty much was in shambles until my the year before I graduated college. Anyway, I kept thinking oh, I should recommend this book to Kit-Kat (you reading this sweetie?), she’s the best good girl I know – I’m sure the only sin she’s ever committed is worry. And I still might recommend this book to her (you), but what I realized as I was reading is that I always shut myself down and say I’m a bad girl, I’m a sinner, I did wrong and I’m forever ruined. I always seem to forget that I’m actually good now, I’m clean now. I’m as white as snow, but I never seem to let myself realize it.
So that was epiphany #1.
Going on… into hiding and expectations. I never would have thought of myself as hiding, but in a way I do it. I have this routine. I get eagerly and overly involved way more that I should put my all into it, and then just walk away. I could go way into detail, but I’m not sure I want/nor should open up that much. But what I can tell you is that you do not want to see my TBR pile. As for expectations. Yes, I have those thoughts. I’m tearing myself up when both girls are crying and I cannot fix it. The living room is a mess. It doesn’t matter that the kitchen is gorgeously spotless. There are crumbs on the floor and goldfish in the couch. Magazines and books everywhere, and it shouldn’t be this way. Things should be neat and organized. My Enginerd works all day. I try to make things nice for him, I’m obviously not working hard enough as it’s all in shambles. I’m just not good enough. — Now that was an eye opener.
Epiphany #2. I didn’t see that coming. I didn’t realize that I felt that way about myself and being the housewife. I’m the housewife I want to be nor should be. I’m messed up and not good enough. But what poisonous words. What horrible thoughts. That’s not what Jesus thinks, and that’s not what matters. Yes I do need to put in an effort. What I need to realize is the praise to myself for what I do and can accomplish well. Not suffer and drown in all that I could be better at…
Epiphany #3. I love this blogging thing. But I feel like I’m talking to a wall. What is the point in all this reviewing and blogging business? I definitely do not make money at it. There are those that do, but I refuse to have a blog that looks like a flashing ad. I do have a page (see the top bar) that has a bunch of affiliates and a paypal tip button. I would gladly take anyone someone wanted to share. But I’m not going to plaster it all over, because I do not like looking at that, and doubt someone else would. I want Creative Madness Mama to be a place of serenity. See the lavender? See the green? Tea and books. Scripture and peace. Come here and find something to read. That’s what I want. What’s the point in making ChristianHistoricalFiction.com and trying so desperately to keep up with the latest of what’s coming out. Does it matter? Most of the time I feel like I’m wasting my time and money. But then every once in a while there is a comment that makes my week and I know that there is a point. Something I say might affect someone. Maybe, and that’s a good day.
Originally posted: http://creativemadnessmama.com/blog/2...
February 14, 2015
Best for ages: 15 and up
Although most of the things in this book were not new ideas to me, and even though the author could get repetitive, I really enjoyed this book. I never hurts to be reminded of a powerful truth: that their is no need to hide behind masks.
I was nineteen when I first heard the message (though not through this book) that it was okay to not be okay sometimes, that I didn't need to pretend all the time. It is a message that girls (and guys) who grow up in the church need to hear. Even without meaning to we can get caught in the habit of wearing masks so that no one can see the real us, but then know one can know or love the real us either.
I would highly recommend this book to girls who are feeling weary of trying hard, never feel they measure up, or think that they have to be more then they are to please God.
Although most of the things in this book were not new ideas to me, and even though the author could get repetitive, I really enjoyed this book. I never hurts to be reminded of a powerful truth: that their is no need to hide behind masks.
I was nineteen when I first heard the message (though not through this book) that it was okay to not be okay sometimes, that I didn't need to pretend all the time. It is a message that girls (and guys) who grow up in the church need to hear. Even without meaning to we can get caught in the habit of wearing masks so that no one can see the real us, but then know one can know or love the real us either.
I would highly recommend this book to girls who are feeling weary of trying hard, never feel they measure up, or think that they have to be more then they are to please God.
November 12, 2020
I really enjoyed this one. The author’s tone was easy for me to relate and feel vulnerable with. Honestly, I was convicted on many topics, and often found myself really searching my heart, and self-analyzing why or how I do things for Christ in my daily walk with Him. It was an eye opening, and an encouraging read for me.
October 24, 2023
This book was absolutely life-changing for me. Very highly recommended.
December 21, 2012
I wanted to like this book...but, ironically, it felt like the author was trying too hard!
August 18, 2016
I appreciate Grace for the Good Girl a great deal. As someone who grew up in the church, I know there is a gap that well-behaved girls fall into. If your life isn't visibly falling apart, people assume you are okay and move on to the next crisis child. If you know all the answers and say the right things, you'll be praised. Probably given a Sunday School class. With so many young people leaving the church, adults are thrilled to see a studious, responsible teenager showing up Sunday mornings. They rarely look deeper. When a people pleasing attitude gets mixed with this environment, it is no surprise that masks start going up. You have to be the good girl. Your identity now depends on it.
Emily P. Freeman was a good girl. She wore the mask that said she had everything figured out. However, inside she felt anything but. She needed God's grace as much as anyone...and in this book, she beautifully manifest that grace to those who were like her. Hiding. Confused. Desperate...but outwardly, sweet. Put together. On top of things.
Like I said, I really appreciate this book and the way it reaches out to the good girls who normally get ignored. There is a lot of wisdom and grace in this book.
However, I have two hesitations with it. 1. It felt a little repetitive at times. Maybe it needs to be for those girls, like Freeman, who hide behind multiple masks. I felt like I was reading the same thing over and over, with different stories thrown in to get the point across differently. That might be necessary for a "good girl in hiding" but that doesn't fit where I am right now. Which brings me to my hesitation number 2...
This book is an amazing work of grace aimed at the extreme, people pleasing, mask hiding good girl, but if that isn't you, it can get long. Reading through this book, I frequently thought 'But for the grace of God, that could have been me. I had those tendencies. But I never got close to that bad.' This book wasn't describing me, so while I could empathize with Freeman and what she was talking about, I also felt bogged down by it.
Overall, though, I do recommend this book, especially if you were raised in the church. It goes a long way to minister to a group of people who often get neglected by the church...primarily because they are in it.
Emily P. Freeman was a good girl. She wore the mask that said she had everything figured out. However, inside she felt anything but. She needed God's grace as much as anyone...and in this book, she beautifully manifest that grace to those who were like her. Hiding. Confused. Desperate...but outwardly, sweet. Put together. On top of things.
Like I said, I really appreciate this book and the way it reaches out to the good girls who normally get ignored. There is a lot of wisdom and grace in this book.
However, I have two hesitations with it. 1. It felt a little repetitive at times. Maybe it needs to be for those girls, like Freeman, who hide behind multiple masks. I felt like I was reading the same thing over and over, with different stories thrown in to get the point across differently. That might be necessary for a "good girl in hiding" but that doesn't fit where I am right now. Which brings me to my hesitation number 2...
This book is an amazing work of grace aimed at the extreme, people pleasing, mask hiding good girl, but if that isn't you, it can get long. Reading through this book, I frequently thought 'But for the grace of God, that could have been me. I had those tendencies. But I never got close to that bad.' This book wasn't describing me, so while I could empathize with Freeman and what she was talking about, I also felt bogged down by it.
Overall, though, I do recommend this book, especially if you were raised in the church. It goes a long way to minister to a group of people who often get neglected by the church...primarily because they are in it.
January 13, 2016
This was an okay book that had a ton of potential - which is why I picked it up in the first place. The writing itself was easy to read and very friendly and personable which makes for pleasant reading. There was some good stuff in here about things we hide behind and ways to combat the fake masks we try to wear. There were some good thoughts that I took away from it that were helpful. But overall, it was much more shallow than I was looking for.
While I would decidedly place myself in the so called "good girl" camp, I struggled to relate to her illustrations. I also found her incessant use of that term to be a little self-defeating. The fact is that no one is "good" and while the "good girl" may not have as many obvious external sins, her hidden internal ones are just as, if not more dangerous than the ones she doesn't do. She does talk about how we all struggle, fail, and are broken but constantly referring to a term that is seen as the opposite of that is counterproductive.
My biggest disappointment is with the imbalance and lack of depth of grace in the book. She spends a large amount of time illustrating and talking over the problems. But what we need most is the solution - Grace Himself. Now, knowing the problem isn't bad. Understanding it isn't bad. But that isn't enough to help or change you. There was so much potential here for downpours of soul-enchanting grace. But we were left with a few showers. She starts to go there several times but almost always stops short or randomly changes direction. As another reviewer said, we were told and not shown. And as "good girls" who know the good news inside and out, we often need more than just hearing "God loves you". We yearn to see depicted the radical beauty of an infinite, holy, far-above-us God who deeply and earnestly and tenderly and unconditionally loves us broken, finite, utterly sinful, messed up selves. I don't want to just hear it, because I'm so used to hearing it that it can run dry. I want to feel it, to see it, to be caught up in it in a way that makes me hunger and thirst for God. A way that uplifts my weary soul and causes me to love and worship more deeply than ever before. Because I'm ever more convinced that that alone is what can truly change me and set me free.
While I would decidedly place myself in the so called "good girl" camp, I struggled to relate to her illustrations. I also found her incessant use of that term to be a little self-defeating. The fact is that no one is "good" and while the "good girl" may not have as many obvious external sins, her hidden internal ones are just as, if not more dangerous than the ones she doesn't do. She does talk about how we all struggle, fail, and are broken but constantly referring to a term that is seen as the opposite of that is counterproductive.
My biggest disappointment is with the imbalance and lack of depth of grace in the book. She spends a large amount of time illustrating and talking over the problems. But what we need most is the solution - Grace Himself. Now, knowing the problem isn't bad. Understanding it isn't bad. But that isn't enough to help or change you. There was so much potential here for downpours of soul-enchanting grace. But we were left with a few showers. She starts to go there several times but almost always stops short or randomly changes direction. As another reviewer said, we were told and not shown. And as "good girls" who know the good news inside and out, we often need more than just hearing "God loves you". We yearn to see depicted the radical beauty of an infinite, holy, far-above-us God who deeply and earnestly and tenderly and unconditionally loves us broken, finite, utterly sinful, messed up selves. I don't want to just hear it, because I'm so used to hearing it that it can run dry. I want to feel it, to see it, to be caught up in it in a way that makes me hunger and thirst for God. A way that uplifts my weary soul and causes me to love and worship more deeply than ever before. Because I'm ever more convinced that that alone is what can truly change me and set me free.
February 3, 2014
This book started out promising, and ultimately ended up disappointing. It came so close to breaking out of the mold of traditional "Christian living" books, only to hop right back in and settle for the status quo.
The author's personal stories and confessions of her own fear and the "masks" she wears rang true. I was highlighting a decent amount in the beginning, as she initially did a good job of sharing her own experience in a way that genuinely connected with her readers - her willingness to share about her own imperfections struck a true note. It was easy to identify with her stories.
I found myself getting bogged down, though, when the tone of the book shifted into a preachier tone, because it felt less sincere and less meaningul. It took on the feel of another book just giving advice or telling readers what to do. A book like this, which could so easily connect with so many readers on a personal level, only gets dragged down by the information-heavy exposition. Also, the author's word choices began to gradually push me away - I realized I was getting increasingly irritated at her use of the term "believers" and had to stop and ask myself why. Aside from realizing I despise that word (would "Christians" be so difficult?), it also seemed to contradict the entire message of the book. It places the emphasis solely on the person in question to be responsible for the action that connects them to God (they are doing the BELIEVING, rather than accepting the grace the author talks about) and it also brings to mind the idea of a person who is "in" because they are doing the right thing - believing - or because they are believing the right thing. Especially for a book like this, the word seemed inappropriate.
I ended up skimming the second half of the book for this reason. It just couldn't hold my attention. I would love to read about the author's personal experience and how she is learning to let go of her need to always be the "good girl," but this book instead seemed to settle for TELLING how to break out of that persona rather than showing what that would truly be like.
The author's personal stories and confessions of her own fear and the "masks" she wears rang true. I was highlighting a decent amount in the beginning, as she initially did a good job of sharing her own experience in a way that genuinely connected with her readers - her willingness to share about her own imperfections struck a true note. It was easy to identify with her stories.
I found myself getting bogged down, though, when the tone of the book shifted into a preachier tone, because it felt less sincere and less meaningul. It took on the feel of another book just giving advice or telling readers what to do. A book like this, which could so easily connect with so many readers on a personal level, only gets dragged down by the information-heavy exposition. Also, the author's word choices began to gradually push me away - I realized I was getting increasingly irritated at her use of the term "believers" and had to stop and ask myself why. Aside from realizing I despise that word (would "Christians" be so difficult?), it also seemed to contradict the entire message of the book. It places the emphasis solely on the person in question to be responsible for the action that connects them to God (they are doing the BELIEVING, rather than accepting the grace the author talks about) and it also brings to mind the idea of a person who is "in" because they are doing the right thing - believing - or because they are believing the right thing. Especially for a book like this, the word seemed inappropriate.
I ended up skimming the second half of the book for this reason. It just couldn't hold my attention. I would love to read about the author's personal experience and how she is learning to let go of her need to always be the "good girl," but this book instead seemed to settle for TELLING how to break out of that persona rather than showing what that would truly be like.
July 9, 2014
Every now and then, a book comes along which just hits the right spot.
This book was written for those of us who have always tried to do the right thing. We please people, we always have a smile and polite reply, we never make waves or cause trouble. When those with messed up pasts come forward to receive affirmation and positive feedback for changing, we sit with plastered-on smiles wondering where we really fit, longing to recognised too. And we hide our deepest hurts and insecurities for the sake of looking good and not bothering others, who we then secretly resent for believing our lies that we are fine.
Several times, I found myself nodding, 'Oh yeah, I've been there.' Wearing masks starts off as a game but becomes an exhausting burden we don't know how to shake off. If people don't seem to buy our acts of 'niceness' we make it our self-imposed job to go to any length to change their minds. Other people become measuring sticks for our goodness and we gauge our performance by their behaviour toward us. No wonder we're exhausted. It's like putting on a live stage show all day long. I felt a lump in my throat when Emily Freeman wrote some of the 'good girl' catch cries. 'Please notice me! The energy it takes to live for your is killing me!'
People wouldn't necessarily think 'good girls' need books to be written, but our need for help may be more desperate than anyone's. Freeman explains the serious position we may be in, as we subconsciously try to convince ourselves that we're good enough by our own efforts. As Christian 'good girls', the magnitude of what Jesus did for us is lost in our own efforts, our determination to be important, right, liked and good. It's hard to deal with the hidden wilderness of sin when we're trying hard not to even acknowledge it. We have a lot in common with the Prodigal Son's brother.
Freeman manages to emphasise the seriousness of this, while retaining her understanding, sympathetic tone. Without knowing, 'good girls' may live our lives with as big a checklist theology as any Pharisee. Like the Prodigal's brother, we misunderstand the sweeping extent of our Father's love and acceptance, and work hard for something we already have. Truly, we need to accept ourselves in the position of the Prodigal for a change, because receiving grace and being able to finally relax may be one and the same for us.
This book may truly be a life-changer for me.
This book was written for those of us who have always tried to do the right thing. We please people, we always have a smile and polite reply, we never make waves or cause trouble. When those with messed up pasts come forward to receive affirmation and positive feedback for changing, we sit with plastered-on smiles wondering where we really fit, longing to recognised too. And we hide our deepest hurts and insecurities for the sake of looking good and not bothering others, who we then secretly resent for believing our lies that we are fine.
Several times, I found myself nodding, 'Oh yeah, I've been there.' Wearing masks starts off as a game but becomes an exhausting burden we don't know how to shake off. If people don't seem to buy our acts of 'niceness' we make it our self-imposed job to go to any length to change their minds. Other people become measuring sticks for our goodness and we gauge our performance by their behaviour toward us. No wonder we're exhausted. It's like putting on a live stage show all day long. I felt a lump in my throat when Emily Freeman wrote some of the 'good girl' catch cries. 'Please notice me! The energy it takes to live for your is killing me!'
People wouldn't necessarily think 'good girls' need books to be written, but our need for help may be more desperate than anyone's. Freeman explains the serious position we may be in, as we subconsciously try to convince ourselves that we're good enough by our own efforts. As Christian 'good girls', the magnitude of what Jesus did for us is lost in our own efforts, our determination to be important, right, liked and good. It's hard to deal with the hidden wilderness of sin when we're trying hard not to even acknowledge it. We have a lot in common with the Prodigal Son's brother.
Freeman manages to emphasise the seriousness of this, while retaining her understanding, sympathetic tone. Without knowing, 'good girls' may live our lives with as big a checklist theology as any Pharisee. Like the Prodigal's brother, we misunderstand the sweeping extent of our Father's love and acceptance, and work hard for something we already have. Truly, we need to accept ourselves in the position of the Prodigal for a change, because receiving grace and being able to finally relax may be one and the same for us.
This book may truly be a life-changer for me.
March 19, 2012
If you attend church, then you know this girl. She is the one who volunteers to teach in the Sunday School, brings really good cookies to the potluck and sings in the choir. She doesn’t go out drinking and has never been arrested, but she does have a smile for everyone who comes through the door. She’s the good girl. She seems to have nothing to hide but in her book Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman rips the mask off of the good girl and reveals what is really going on in the hearts of good girls everywhere.
I did go into the book with some reservations, though. I often find in books like this that the point is belabored well past my point of tolerance. But there was no worry necessary here. Each chapter is well thought-out and important to the premise of her book.
The first part deals with hiding. Ms. Freeman looks at the different things that good girls hide behind: good performance, a sterling reputation, strength and the safety of a comfort zone. Instead of using these tactics, she advocates a four step approach to freedom – receiving the knowledge of God’s salvation, remaining in His love, responding through worship, and remembering to continue these practices regardless of what is going on around you.
Freeman holds nothing back while sharing her own experiences. She admits to the things she hides behind and the ways in which living as a good girl failed to bring her freedom, peace, and happiness.
This book is written as a small group study, but you can read it alone (as I did). However, I would suggest that you space out the chapters instead of barreling through them in just a few days (as I also did). This is the sort of read that calls for some reflection on your life and the ways in which you can implement the things that you have been reading. If living up to everyone’s expectations and always doing the right thing is not bringing you the peace and happiness you expected it would, this is the book for you.
I did go into the book with some reservations, though. I often find in books like this that the point is belabored well past my point of tolerance. But there was no worry necessary here. Each chapter is well thought-out and important to the premise of her book.
The first part deals with hiding. Ms. Freeman looks at the different things that good girls hide behind: good performance, a sterling reputation, strength and the safety of a comfort zone. Instead of using these tactics, she advocates a four step approach to freedom – receiving the knowledge of God’s salvation, remaining in His love, responding through worship, and remembering to continue these practices regardless of what is going on around you.
Freeman holds nothing back while sharing her own experiences. She admits to the things she hides behind and the ways in which living as a good girl failed to bring her freedom, peace, and happiness.
This book is written as a small group study, but you can read it alone (as I did). However, I would suggest that you space out the chapters instead of barreling through them in just a few days (as I also did). This is the sort of read that calls for some reflection on your life and the ways in which you can implement the things that you have been reading. If living up to everyone’s expectations and always doing the right thing is not bringing you the peace and happiness you expected it would, this is the book for you.
October 20, 2020
I felt like the author wrote this book just for me. Excellent and life altering. If you are a "good girl" who has a hard time accepting grace and forgiveness from Christ and others, this is the book for you.
September 16, 2021
There were times in this book where it was like “Oh my goodness. Does this author know me?” but there were also some things I didn’t totally agree with. First half of this book is 5 stars just because I related to it so well! Second half, I have more issues with.
August 31, 2019
This book took me a while to read because there are a lot of things to think through in it. It really tackles how to get out of a kind of Christian perfectionism, fear of failure, and lack of resting in your identity in Christ. My main criticism of the book is that I think she overworked the mask metaphor a bit, to the point that it wasn’t as clear and helpful, but overall pretty good book with a lot of little gems in it.
October 16, 2023
There were lots of great truths! The book is a slow start as the beginning focuses on the masks we put on (lies we believe about our identity/worth) and the impact of those. I am glad I pushed through to the final section though because it offered a lot of hope and practical encouragement to trust in God as our safety and not in our own "masks".
The topic of the book seems highly relevant to many women but for some reason I had a hard time connecting to the author.
The topic of the book seems highly relevant to many women but for some reason I had a hard time connecting to the author.
July 25, 2018
Beautiful, freeing, and honest. This book resonated and convicted and encouraged and I loved it.
February 1, 2015
I picked up Grace for the Good Girl because of the subtitle, “Letting Go of the Try Hard Life.” Whether you self-identify as a “good girl” (which I do not but I do know people who struggle with having built their self-concept and worth around never doing “bad” things) or realize that you spend too much effort on trying hard and people-pleasing, Grace for the Good Girl will have some applicable messages.
I think my perception of the book suffered somewhat from the fact that I had already read and loved Tim Keller’s A Prodigal God, which delves into the good-people-still-need-grace theme with more theological depth. Grace for the Good Girl is for a different audience–it’s more female-focused and lighter. It’s a little Dayspringy.
{Read my full review here}
I think my perception of the book suffered somewhat from the fact that I had already read and loved Tim Keller’s A Prodigal God, which delves into the good-people-still-need-grace theme with more theological depth. Grace for the Good Girl is for a different audience–it’s more female-focused and lighter. It’s a little Dayspringy.
{Read my full review here}
October 13, 2013
I only got to page 144 of this book, but I have to say, I didn't really like it. I know what message she is TRYING to give, but I don't think she gets it across clearly. It often came across sounding like an excuse for sin in the name of "embracing imperfection" and getting covered by the grace of God. Again, I know this is not what she intended -- I'm just saying this is how it often came across. It could have been a much clearer message. In addition, it is extremely redundant...it could have easily been half the size, because she seems to repeat the same things over and over again.
It was a good try, but I'm not really a fan. That said, I do enjoy Emily Freeman's blog, Chatting at the Sky.
It was a good try, but I'm not really a fan. That said, I do enjoy Emily Freeman's blog, Chatting at the Sky.
February 3, 2012
I loved this book. I've just been coming to this good girl realization about myself over the past couple of months, and "Grace for the Good Girl" couldn't have come at a better time. It helped me realize a lot of things about myself, gave me encouragement, and most importantly, helped set me on the right track about how to start taking down my masks. There isn't a step by step list to moving past this, of course (though my inner good girl desperately wishes there were), but now I do have an idea of how to begin. :) I recommend this book to every good girl. This is one of those books that I will begin to reread almost immediately, to soak in everything I missed the first time around.
April 1, 2015
I learned so much from this book! Weird title that seems kinda over-stating the fact, but the author is just trying to make the point that seemingly "good people" have their own set of problems and their own set of masks they put on to convince others and themselves that they are "perfect." The author goes through and details the life of the "do-good girl" and then how to see the way out, closing with an emphasis on realizing freedom through the gospel and having a reliable source of strength to draw from instead of our own inner reserves of duty. I would recommend this book to most of my girlfriends and will be happy to loan it out to any of you all!
September 7, 2015
This is a really good book.
The subtitle sums up the big idea: Let go of the try-hard life. Much of religion and Christianity in particular, is obsessed with looking good — plastic smiles and artificial nice behavior. Freeman writes for women, but this is just as much an issue for men.
Freeman explains the theological antidote to the try-hard dead end of so-called Christian behavior. She does so without trying to be cute about it. (This isn't one of those frilly "I-get-it-y'all" girly Christian look-good books.)
The book drives straight to the grace-based gospel, and obliterates obsessions with one's image and appearance devoid of a dependent relationship upon Christ.
The subtitle sums up the big idea: Let go of the try-hard life. Much of religion and Christianity in particular, is obsessed with looking good — plastic smiles and artificial nice behavior. Freeman writes for women, but this is just as much an issue for men.
Freeman explains the theological antidote to the try-hard dead end of so-called Christian behavior. She does so without trying to be cute about it. (This isn't one of those frilly "I-get-it-y'all" girly Christian look-good books.)
The book drives straight to the grace-based gospel, and obliterates obsessions with one's image and appearance devoid of a dependent relationship upon Christ.
January 19, 2025
Loved this book! Emily touched on so many topics that hit home for me and convicted me. She wrote poignantly about so many struggle areas for “good girls” such as pride, legalism, hiding behind masks to hide our vulnerability, fear and anxiety, all while encouraging the reader to find peace and life in Christ. I was so refreshed and encouraged to take my eyes off myself and my own abilities/strength/goodness, or lack thereof, and rest in who Christ is in me. Loved the chapter on safety and the reminder that God has “laid His hand upon me and enclosed me, behind and before”; a timely word for me as I walk through my own fears and anxieties.
April 7, 2015
As a poster child for "good girls", I found this book encouraging, refreshing, challenging and thought-provoking. A Christian since childhood, I don't seem to have really started my journey of grace until well into adulthood, and this is one of the sign-posts God provided for me along that journey.
March 8, 2017
I've been telling people about this book constantly since I started reading it. I am a Good Girl in the bone, and this book highlighted truths that God has already taught me through experience, as well as lots of things I still need to claim for myself. It's freeing, encouraging, and life-changing.
June 10, 2016
I really wanted to liked this book and she made some good points. But I felt the assumption that all Christian women are married with children ( or perhaps the bias that REAL Christian women are married with children) too powerful in this book to ignore.
Disappointed.
Disappointed.
November 12, 2015
Didn't finish. There's a desperate need for Christian books for women in which the central frame of isn't wife & motherhood. (big sigh)
November 7, 2024
Disappointed in this one. I get the point she is trying to make about being free in Christ, but she has some shaky theology about the purpose of the law. She constantly used the terms “good girl” and “wearing a mask” in a negative way, so it seemed to imply that Christians do not need to try to keep the law since the are under grace. Not saying that was her intention, but it definitely came across that way to me. She also quoted Sarah Young, who is a false teacher (author of Jesus Calling) which was a red flag for me. Overall, I think there are more sound books out there on the topic of grace. A couple other reviewers recommended Timothy Keller’s book “The Prodigal God” which would probably be a better option.
January 8, 2018
This book touched me in many, many more ways than I expected when I started it. My copy is now full of underlines, and I’ll be keeping it on my shelf to reread every few years. I expected this book to be full of good but trite reminders that Jesus is perfect, so I don’t have to be. Even that would have been good for me. Instead, Freeman writes with both convicting detail and alluring grace. She picks apart the masks that “good girls” hide behind until they’ve all fallen to the floor, and then leads the reader to how beautiful and safe life can be without the hiding.
March 28, 2020
This book is full of encouragement, hope, transparency, and the witness of God’s truth and His forever love. I love how the author writes and have gotten so much out of each of the books I have read that she has written. This will be one I look forward to reading again using the leader’s guide and questions provided at the end of the book for a deeper dive. Recommend this one highly.
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