Read as part of the PopSugar Reading Challenge 2020, to fill 38) A book by or about a journalist.
Oh. My fucking. God. I hated this book.
I wanted so much to like it. I even pre-ordered it (and I never do that). I was so ready to shower this book in praise. And then I read it. And it ruined all anticipation I had about or for it.
It's not a bad resource on facts about living with HIV, if you're looking for that. As long as you don't mind those facts being wrapped in oodles of unnecessary teenage drama, the least realistic situations ever committed to page, and a book that doesn't know what genre it is.
Let's go deeper. (There will be spoilers ahead, I tried to put them under spoiler cuts but it got too messy and confusing. Read at your own discretion.)
Things I hated about this book, an incomplete list:
The dialogue/general writing is awful
As I mentioned, I was very excited to read this book, so I went into it with an extremely open mind. My initial reaction upon my first session of reading (up to page 33) was that the dialogue was clunky but I was still hopeful. That hope didn’t last very long.
Claudia’s parents are super controlling, and they’ve been especially harsh since she came out as lesbian and ace. Her father had her sent to a mental hospital once - I shit you not. This is a real line from this book. There is no follow-up. There is no further explanation. Just this casual throwaway line, with an I shit you not, about one of the MC’s best friends being sent to a mental institution because of her sexuality. Are you fucking kidding me? Simone is also a fucking shithead to Claudia for most of this book and in the end Claudia is the one who ends up apologising too. This shit is toxic, y’all.
He takes my hand, turning it over. My brown fades into his. My note when finishing this chapter was: ‘That chapter ended on a fucking weird line, huh.’ I stand by it. I know, Simone is black. Miles is black. It’s a thing and they’re allowed to be proud of it. But you can’t tell me that’s not a fucking weird line.
My legs bunch against my chin as I crouch on top of the toilet, trying to avoid the water. WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN. Why doesn't your school have toilet seats? When has sitting on a toilet ever meant you were near enough to the water to worry about it? So many of the sentences in this book leave me fucking baffled as to how they got published. Why wasn’t this edited differently, or, I don’t know, out. This book isn’t well-written.
Near the end of the book, once Simone’s secret is out, Miles tells her the whole thing wouldn't have happened if Simone wasn't hanging out with him. How exactly did he come to this conclusion? She never showed him the notes so the only information he’s working from is the tweet that outed her, which didn't mention him at all. So either 1. He’s extremely narcissistic, 2. He has actually been on Jesse's side all along, or 3. CONVENIENTLY KNOWS THINGS THE AUTHOR KNOWS BUT FORGOT HE DIDN'T KNOW. Hint: it’s #3. This book isn’t good.
This is only a few examples from so many options but so much of the text and almost all the conversations in this book feel very unnatural. It is not fun to read.
The situations are so unrealistic and contrived
If you need an example of how awkward and badly written this book is, I direct you no further than the chapter where they use fake IDs to visit a sex store and proceed to have a lot of loud conversations in the aisles about everything they're looking at. This is a real scene. I have nothing more to say about it other than I hated it.
About a third of the way into the book, Simone wakes up at 5am (after being up most of the night on the phone to Miles), and instead of going back to sleep like a normal teenager, she goes downstairs and has a chat with her father, who is also awake for some reason. Then she answers the phone to the aforementioned boyfriend, who was also up most of the night, and who is also awake for some reason. After which follows a long awkward conversation on loudspeaker where her father literally forces her to go on a date with Miles? None of this book makes any fucking sense I want to scream.
There’s a scene where Miles is kissing Simone with an ice cream cone in his hand. He specifically holds his hand away from her (the text even mentions that it’s out of her reach). Guess what? She somehow manages to: forget he’s holding an ice cream, find the hand that he’s holding away from her (without looking up or breaking the kiss), and awkwardly accidentally crush the ice cream between their hands. LITERALLY HOW IS THIS BOOK REAL?
At one point Miles randomly sits down on the floor in the school hallway to whip out his calf muscle and show Simone a massive scar on his leg. I don’t even know why. It happened super inorganically, as most everything does in this book. He then mentioned HIV out loud (she’s out to him by this point), and she replies in kind. Sure they were in an empty school corridor but uhhh her entire life has been about discretion. And suddenly she’s talking openly where literally anyone could overhear her. This sort of thing happens a lot. Simone acts like she’s concerned about stuff but then literally never takes action to prevent bad things happening to her.
When she gets outed (via Twitter), her drama teacher texts her. I’m? What? Nothing about that makes any sense what the fuck is this book.
And then two teachers spend a while arguing in front of Simone over whether or not they can use her being outed for their own personal gain. Because literally nothing that happens in this book is or has ever been real. None of these situations make sense. The only reason I’m not caps-lock-screaming is because I have been so deflated by how stupid this whole thing is.
After she gets outed, the school randomly assume a suspect (Miles), then call a meeting with: Simone, her parents, Miles (by the way, no explanation of why they assume he did this), his parents, and a bunch of school board members. In this meeting Simone tells the school Miles didn’t do anything wrong, then the school people ask Simone who actually did it. WHAT. THIS IS THE WRONG ORDER TO DO THESE THINGS. YOU ARE A SCHOOL. But again, this is just another contrived situation so Simone can meet Miles’ parents and they can be shitty to her about HIV and then Miles’ parents and Simone’s parents can have a stupid unrealistic shouting match for all the readers to cringe at.
People refuse to see the school show because Simone has HIV and worked on it and they're so bigoted or whatever. But... they do drive to the school (to a show they didn't intend to see), listen to Simone do a perfect unrehearsed TED talk (uhhhh that was incredibly unrealistic, but sure), then get back in their cars and drive home. WHY WERE THESE PEOPLE EVEN AT THE SCHOOL? (The answer is so Simone can give her perfect stupid summary monologue but that would make this situation extremely contrived oh WAIT.)
The book pretty much ends with a condom fight which Simone’s dads and best friends walk in on. There’s also a vibrator out on her bed. It’s basically the stupidest thing ever to be committed to page. I’m tired.
THE DRAMA
There’s a lot of friends-passive-aggressively-fighting-because-one-of-them-got-a-boyfriend. There’s nothing new about it. It’s just boring and over-done. The title is in caps lock because it was so stupid and prevalent. The text is so short because there’s nothing interesting to even mention.
The mystery sub-plot
This book had so much potential to be a cute coming-of-age romance with the added complication of the MC living with HIV. It did not need the weird mystery sub-plot. She’s being blackmailed, but only thinks about it every so often and ultimately does nothing to fight back at all and just lets the blackmail happen. Also the blackmailer (Jesse) gives her so much time to comply with the demand (which is: break up with Miles.) It ultimately boils down to Jesse being concerned for Miles’ safety, dating someone who is HIV positive. So why does he give her such a long time to comply? The longer he waits, the longer Miles is “exposed” to Simone’s disease. The whole thing makes no sense and the book would have worked so much better if it just picked one genre (YA romance) and stuck with that. She could have still been outed without it being a nonsense mystery storyline that even she didn’t care about that much.
Simone won't tell authority figures when she has a problem and then gets mad when it all goes to shit
There are a lot of things that annoy me in this book, but one of the most prevalent is that something bad is happening to me but I refuse to tell any authority figures or even friends and force the reader to endure my unnecessary stressing about the completely solvable situation instead. Because THAT MAKES THE MOST SENSE. I fucking hate characters like Simone.
Sex???
Simone and Miles give each other oral without protection and neither of them is the slightest bit concerned even though Simone spends 90% of this book freaking out about how safe it is to have sex with HIV. All of her doctors have told her to use protection. She admittedly does have an undetectable level of virus at this point but she’s still been told to wait six months before she does anything. It is mentioned later on that they are planning on having penetrative sex at six months. But we know that Simone knows that HIV can be passed on through vaginal fluid and she still lets him go down on her with no concern at all. This book makes me want to scream I swear to god. I can’t believe Miles didn’t at least get tested after. This book is BAD. AGHHHHHH.
The boys' redemption
All the asshole boys from this book get at least a redemption sentence thrown in. Why? Simone has made it clear throughout the whole book that she hates Ralph and that he’s the worst, but for some reason lets him into her house at the end of the book and then he’s completely nice for the rest of the story. Eric gets a weird line thrown in about smiling at her on the final day even though he’s disliked her throughout the whole book. And Jesse, the person who threatened her for months and then outed her as HIV positive to the entire school/internet, gets to write a whole fucking apology/explanantion letter (which is read by Simone/us the reader, and then never mentioned or thought about again).
Simone is a whiny asshole baby and she's one of those characters who constantly has people telling her she's great even when she isn't
Miles: I don't think anyone could hate you if they knew you.
Me: Nah mate I know Simone pretty intimately at this point and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I absolutely hate her.
I was personally so excited about it
I find it really hard to dislike a book I've been so excited for. Every time I picked it back up I tried to be like maybe I could swing a two-star review for this, and then was promptly reminded that it is entirely garbage. I really wanted to love this book. It wouldn’t let me.