A New Kind of Normal: Hope-Filled Choices When Life Turns Upside Down

by Carol J. Kent

Carol Kent has lived every parent's nightmare. After her only son was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole, Carol's life took a permanent detour. She and her husband, Gene, have been adjusting ever since, moving to Florida to be near the prison, starting a new ministry for prison inmates and their families, and sharing the faithfulness of God with anyone who will listen.

A New Kind of Normal begins with the story of that horrible night when Carol and Gene learned their son had been arrested, but it doesn't end there. In fact, Carol knows what it means to live with an unthinkable circumstance that will never change-and to still make hope-filled choices. Through the eight chapters in this book, Carol will use their own story, the story of Mary mother of Jesus, and stories of women who have experienced their own "new normal" to share how God has led them to choose life, gratitude, vulnerability, involvement, forgiveness, trust, and action.

Genres: Faith, Inspirational, Christian Non Fiction, Nonfiction, Christian, Christian Living, Memoir

229 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Carol Kent is hilariously funny, biblically sound, and heartbreakingly transparent in person and in print. Founder and president of Speak Up for Hope (a prison ministry) and Speak Up Speaker Services (a speakers' bureau), Carol is the best-selling author of many books, including When I Lay My Isaac Down, A New Kind of Normal, Becoming a Woman of Influence, Speak Up with Confidence, Secret Longings of the Heart, and Tame Your Fears. She is an expert on public speaking, writing, and evangelism. Carol travels the world, speaking to tens of thousands each year at events such as Extraordinary Women, Vision New England, Women of Faith, THRIVE, and Women of Grace. Carol and her husband, Gene, make their home in Florida.

Reviews

[Kimberly Patton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is not something any parent wants to acknowledge: that something terrible could happen to our child.

Carol Kent is so honest in this book, it is heartbreaking. I appreciate that she didn’t sugarcoat anything but instead laid her feelings completely bare. I also appreciated how much she used scripture to set her mind straight.

This book would be extremely helpful to anyone who has experienced and suffered through great loss, trauma and heartbreak. It is helpful, encouraging, and raw. It’s exactly the kind of transparent Christianity we need- a faith that embraces humanity and suffering yet turns to Christ for healing and restoration.

[Ebookwormy1 · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am of two minds on this book by Carol Kent.

On the one hand, I find her annoying, self-absorbed and ridiculous. The book repeats over and over again that her life, her husband's life and her son's life was perfect, before her son murdered someone in broad daylight. It was enough to make me give up reading. We hear about her beautiful home in Michigan, her successful career, their family travel and her son's exceptional accomplishments. While she repeatedly asserts what her son did was horrible, it is clear that her perspective - at least in her writing and appeals for release on her son's behalf - is quite limited to her and her family interests. And in this way, I suppose her personal testimony is useful for people whose American Dream has been shattered by the reality of living on a sin sick planet. I also suppose people living such a bright life might identify with her narcissistic disappointment at seeing such heaven on earth interrupted. For those who have never known such a fairy tale, I can understand why this book would be a tough read to swallow, and I would not recommend it.

On the other hand, these terrible events have caused our shining meteor to crash to earth and here one can identify with her and the other, very strong, testimonies of her friends that she shares. The principles she discusses for how one gradually moves forward are helpful and encouraging. The pain is real, and the comfort of the LORD's presence and gradual process of healing are illuminated. There is a sense that whenever a person faces a heartbreaking trauma, their emotional and mental life collapse into a very small world which allows us to overlook Kent's littleness. In this way, her book can be a comfort to those of us in a dark valley. While the spiritual content is more emotionally than scholarly based, there are principles for survival here.

By her account, Kent, her husband and son are high capacity people who seem to be finding ways to continue their contributions within the confines of his imprisonment which challenges the reader to likewise find ways to redeem our sufferings. Their resilience encourages us to find ways to keep on loving, keep on ministering, keep on living when life goes wrong. Their extended family support of her son is commendable and inspiring, and challenges the reader to love unconditionally - even those who have disappointed us and harmed others. The defendants, the guilty, the murderers among us also need and crave love, support and acceptance, and we all know, at some level, that we share the stain of sin upon our souls. This testimony, while somewhat blinded by her love for her son and ignorant of the loss of the victim's family, challenges us to forgive those the LORD has given to our lives, but also remind us how much He forgave us. We are enlightened that when a murder happens, there is pain on all sides both
for the individuals involved, and the family and community around them.

And then there are the raw details. As far as an internet search can reveal, JP Kent is still imprisoned in the state of Florida, and the Kent's are continuing with their ministry to the incarcerated and their families. I'm not quite sure what happened that brought about the murder, but it does appear that Kent was manipulated by his wife. On the other hand, I can understand the wife breaking ties with the Kent's and being unsure about continuing an association with a woman who is not only so self-absorbed, but willing to write about all the details! And finally, while we are told JP is repentant and have no reason to believe otherwise, Carol's account does not provide any insight into how his thinking, within a matter of months became so skewed that he killed a man.

I feel bad being hard on the book. Kent has been raw and vulnerable in its pages. Although I finished it, and was strengthened/ encouraged by it, I can neither say I enjoyed it nor recommend it. I suspect much of what I gained from reading it was actually a result of how Kent's experiences and discovered truths drew my own personal narrative to my mind. I was, in a sense, reading a book that illuminated my own beliefs, as opposed to taught me anything new about them.

[Kathryn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really about the final stage of grief - acceptance. We may not all experience loss on the same level as she has, but the same principle holds true for all of us. This is our reality. God has permitted it for our sanctification, to help us thrive, and always keeping our wellbeing in mind though his ways may seem incomprehensible sometimes. The author is not Catholic but still holds up the Virgin Mary as her exemplar, in a way that makes her intensely relatable for the rest of us. Even the mother of Jesus was not immune to suffering, rejection, isolation, misunderstanding, loss, abandonment, and chastising Jesus for acting out of turn. Our lives as Christians are not meant to be easy. Her realness was refreshing in comparison to those who think that following Christ assures us prosperity and earthly fulfillment. But we know that it's possible to live through adversity with grace and hope because it's been done before.

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a treat. Anyone who is struggling with the twists and turns of their life, deviating from what they consider as normal should read this. And that includes all of us. Carol not only shares her story of dealing with her son convicted of murder but has half a dozen stories from others who had to make life-affirming decisions within their struggles. I found this book inspirational and actually quite practical. While affirming that the journey is one day at a time she also gives words to some of the significant attitudinal and behavioral changes that one must do to not let our struggles define us.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, you should read Carol's book: "When I lay my Isaac down." Then, this book is exactly what is in the title: hope-filled. Choosing to live, to trust, to persevere, to be grateful, to be vulnerable, to relinquish, to forgive and to move forward with purpose. Besides her own life and circumstances, Carol uses the accounts of many others who find themselves in places they never expected. And she points to the Heavenly Father, who is waiting to help "redemption" come in the midst of shattered dreams.

[Sarah Mladenka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing... Gut wrenching. Not my normal type of book but I was curious.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carol Kent's book, "When I Lay My Isaac Down," is one I've read and recommended numerous times. A friend told me about this book - a follow-up of sorts to the heart-breaking (yet hope-filled) "Isaac" account. And it may be even better than her first. Surely that's in part due to the growth that the Lord has worked into Kent, her husband and son throughout this horrifically painful process. Perhaps it's also because many readers (including myself) will have experienced a great loss or significant detour in their life road - which has turned into a "new normal." How do you adjust, adapt to, accept a new normal that you never asked for, and which has brought extreme pain and suffering? What do you hope for? How do you pray? How do you face and interact with God when He's allowed things you cannot understand, events that feel cruel? This book is full of honest transparency, faith that struggles, and hope that perseveres.
I highly recommend this book - and also recommend that you first read her "When I LayMy Isaac Down" - so that you will have a fuller understanding of Kent's story and the ways in which God has worked in their family.

[Judy Vader · Rating 5 out of 5]

On!y God

I love how Carol holds nothing back as she shares with her readers the incredible pain and shock, the giving the controls of her life over to God and the amazing sufficiently of God Who meets her each day right where she is. This book speaks hope to anyone facing "a new normal" way of living.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book for those struggling to cope with unimaginable circumstances, such as the loss of a child. I was distracted in trying to understand the events that the author went through. But I valued the message that she gives, and how she has learned to trust God.

[Amy Reed · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love that this book shines a light on the hope that only Jesus can provide during the ugly parts of life. The only part of the book that I didn't care for was that didn't provide much in the way of new content from Laying Down My Isaac.

[Trish · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are certainly good principles herein to help one accept, endure and move forward when life is turned upside down. I think what I enjoyed the most was the accounts of others who shared their brokenness and battle to find healing.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author and her family have been through a huge tragedy - one completely unexpected. I found it inspirational to read of how she has found spiritual tools to help her cope with the aftermath - one that is ongoing and with no end in sight. She is transparent and honest. This was a good read.

[Robin Cooper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book, I would recommend and read again myself. Very introspective.

[Cheryl Lutz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hope When Life Seems Hopeless

Carol Kent’s book will minister to the soul longing for hope and courage to navigate a new normal a good God has allowed to penetrate their lives.

[Dianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of how a happy, successful couple's life was shattered when their only child, a son who had never been in trouble before, was sentenced to life imprisonment with no chance of parole, for murdering another man. I have a son. It tore my heart out. Tears stopped me several times; that's not something that happens to me very often when I read. The pain these people live with every day is beyond belief. The way they live, and even thrive, in the midst of never-ending grief is a powerful statement about them, their faith and their God.

The book is hard to read, but the time and effort are worth it. The author is refreshingly honest about her experience. She talks openly about the bad days and how hard it was, and still is, to get through them. She talks equally openly about how God gives her the strength to face what has to be faced. There is no pretending she's got it all together now or that she can always rise above the pain; she admits she has good and bad days and, sometimes, days that are worse than bad. But she has found a way to continue living in the midst of the mess, a way to keep moving forward and that, to me, is an amazing thing.

A New Kind Of Normal is a well written book, but I really didn't think too much about writing style as I read it. It was the content, the story that got to me; the good writing is just the icing on the cake.

When I first heard the title of the book it was a little like getting elbowed in the ribs. At this point in my life I don't seem to be adjusting to my "new normal" very well and I keep putting off facing up to that. There's too much truth in this book to ignore though; it was a not-so-subtle kick in the backside that I've been needing.

Kent says that she and her husband Gene "have to decide every day that we will choose life in the middle of devastating circumstances instead of giving in to emotional death, depression, discouragement and defeat". Not an easy thing to do. When she wakes up in the morning she has to face the fact that her only child is in prison, that he will always be in prison and that any hopes she had for a future with family gatherings or grandchildren are gone. She has to accept that her beloved child is living every day in a place where he can be beaten, raped or killed. She says she had to "learn a whole new way of living or fold up my cards" and she challenges readers to look at their own painful circumstances in a new way, to take a chance that your new normal might "offer benefits you never expected". That sounds harsh, even cruel, and everything in me wants to reject it. Why can't we experience those benefits without the pain and the loss and the grief? With kindness and grace she convinces us of what we already knew but do not want to face: that we all have to decide every day to choose life, no matter what that life may look like now.

What will make this book effective in helping others deal with their own pain is the author's candor. She talks about the everyday things: "I couldn't imagine having to make small talk when the news of our son's arrest for murder was burning like acid through my brain and heart". Saying that in words gives other people freedom to feel the same way. When she tells you that the first step to regaining hope is to choose living over withdrawing with your grief and pain, you're willing to at least consider considering that she might be right. She's fought her way through horrible circumstances and that gives her words credibility.

I recommend this book. I can't see how anyone could read it and fail to be encouraged. It's a great choice for book clubs (each chapter ends with a list of questions for discussion) or for anyone who has to learn to live, and not just exist, in situations they never imagined possible.

[Christa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another amazing book by Kent. It is well worth reading and completing the questions.

[Georgia Herod · Rating 5 out of 5]

Four years ago a friend recommended When I Lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent. From the moment I began the book I could hardly put it down! Carol Kent’s beloved, only son (in his mid-20’s), who had graduated from the US Naval Academy with stellar credentials and a promising military career before him, murdered the ex-husband of his wife and father to two young girls. A custody trial was about to begin, but Jason believed that the girls had been abused by the father. Jason Kent was convicted of murder—and sentenced to life without parole. When I Lay My Isaac Down told the story of those events—and how the Kents’ life changed dramatically with a phone call in the middle of the night—and how they had lived in the aftermath.

A New Kind of Normal is a sequel, telling how they have chosen to live in the past seven years. Kent shows how they have had to make a choice: to grasp the promises of God, or to reject the one and only Source of hope.

Kent dedicates the book to people “who are living in their own ‘new kind of normal.’ They have acknowledged that unexpected circumstances mean life will never be the same as it once was.” Kent says it this way:

Instead of running away or withdrawing
to a prison of their own making, they choose
to embrace the new
opportunities and unexpected joys
that can only be known by those who say:

I will survive.
I will persevere.
I will be vulnerable.
I will forgive.
I will trust.
I will hold those I love with open hands.
I will be thankful.
I will choose purposeful action.

Chapter subtitles—
When Despair Tries to Take Me Under . . . I Choose Life.
When I Wonder What God Could Possibly Thinking . . . I Choose Trust.
When I Desperately Want Relief from Unrelenting Reality . . . I Choose Perseverance.
When I Feel Oppressed by My Disappointment and Sorrow . . . I Choose Gratitude.
When I Want to Keep My Feelings to Myself . . . I Choose Vulnerability.
When Nothing Goes According to My Plan . . . I Choose Relinquishment.
When I Want to Point the Finger . . . I Choose Forgiveness.
When I Want to Give Up . . . I Choose Purposeful Action.

Kent shares her own experience, then she includes reflections on the life of Mary, mother of Jesus, from the annunciation to the crucifixion—none of her life was “normal.” After that she includes stories from other women, stories which reveal how God provided hope and life in the midst of incredible heartache. Each chapter ends with questions that engage the reader. I couldn’t put this book down either—and immediately ordered copies for several friends going through very difficult times.

[Lillie · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing testimony of faith in spite of incredible circumstances. Carol and Gene, Christians in ministry, had one son--a graduate of the Naval Academy, in special training in the Navy, a young man who accepted Christ at a young age and was a committed Christian. Then the unthinkable happened: this exemplary young man, stressed by the intense training he was undergoing and by fear for stepdaughters, used his military training to protect his family. He feared for the safety of his young stepdaughters when their biological father, who was suspected of sexually abusing the girls, was trying to get unsupervised visits. The young man "snapped" and "solved" the problem by murdering the girl's father--shooting him in the back in a crowded restaurant parking lot. He was convicted and sentenced to life without parole. His wife quit visiting, moved away, and refused to let the family know where they went. Talk about learning to live with a "new normal"! The author is very candid about the family's struggles as they continue to try to their lives in faith, trusting God even when they never expect to see their son outside the walls of a maximum-security prison again, when they have no contact with their daughter-in-law and beloved granddaughters. Even though most of us will never have to deal with this "new normal," we all go through times when we have to adjust to a "new normal": illness or injury, death of a loved one, job loss and financial crisis, consequences of bad choices, and a multitude of other situations can change our lives and challenge our faith. I highly recommend this book for anyone in the midst or aftermath of a major life change that results in a "new normal."

[Dionne · Rating 3 out of 5]

"I believe we find our true self in the midst of suffering, pain, and sorrow, not in the absence of it."~ pg.78

"If we value our suffering & let it reshape us, our purpose can be forged ever stronger as we choose peacefulness & hope over bitterness & despair..."~Jan Johnson, pg. 195

I still remember watching the trial on Court TV and realizing that the man on trial was Carol Kent's son. I had been a fan of Carol's after hearing her on Dr. Dobson's Focus on the Family program.

I'm a law and order person and I'm big on justice. But even before I realized Jason was Carol's son I thought he should've gotten a light manslaughter sentence since he was protecting young girls from abuse. I couldn't believe he got life without parole when you consider all the rapists, murderers and child molesters who get light sentences. It seemed very unfair.

Yet, as I read Carol's book and walked with her through the pain of her only child being locked away for life. I realized once again that life is rarely fair. It was a reminder that you can "do everything right" and still have things go wrong. I have experienced this in my own life. As you pick up the pieces from things "going wrong" you realize there are lessons to be learned in the suffering.

I valued Carol's authenticity and empathy and learned a lot. I highly recommend this book to everyone, especially for those who are in the midst of suffering.

[Catherine Gillespie · Rating 2 out of 5]

A New Kind of Normal: Hope-Filled Choices When Life Turns Upside Down is the follow-up book to When I Lay My Isaac Down. In this volume, Carol Kent writes more about the shock of living with her son’s incarceration, and how to deal with a horrible situation that isn’t her fault and isn’t going away.

At several points I asked myself why I was reading this book – it’s message is similar to the one in the first book, and it seemed like I was reading a lot of raw hurting parent stories (which I understand, but felt voyeuristic reading). In other words, I don’t know that this is a good book for everyone. I think When I Lay My Isaac Down is a better book, and more broadly applicable to people suffering in a wider variety of ways. That’s not to say that A New Kind of Normal is a bad book, rather I’m just having a hard time coming up with a specific sub-set of readers for whom I’d recommend it.

{Read my full review of this book on A Spirited Mind

[Peggy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carol Kent has lived every parent's nightmare. After her only son was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole, Carol's life took a permanent detour. She and her husband, Gene, have been adjusting ever since, moving to Florida to be near the prison, starting a new ministry for prison inmates and their families, and sharing the faithfulness of God with anyone who will listen.

A New Kind of Normal begins with the story of that horrible night when Carol and Gene learned their son had been arrested, but it doesn't end there. In fact, Carol knows what it means to live with an unthinkable circumstance that will never change-and to still make hope-filled choices. Through the eight chapters in this book, Carol will use their own story, the story of Mary mother of Jesus, and stories of women who have experienced their own "new normal" to share how God has led them to choose life, gratitude, vulnerability, involvement, forgiveness, trust, and action.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the second book of a honest, heart breaking, encouraging story of the Christian speaker Carol Kent, her husband Gene, and son Jason; whose arrest resulted in a life sentence without parole. As Mary the mother of Jesus, the Kents live with hope, by embracing "God's love in the face of unrelenting difficulty." (pg 217) Their experience of God's "irresistible love...is so empowering that [they] automatically keep passing it on to other people." (pg 220)
This is the third book I've read in this series, (out of order) and it is beginning to be a worn-out saga. Although the last triumphant chapter is the best, the rest though helpful and encouraging, are mostly a rehashing of old material with new examples.

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carol Kent's honest account of dealing with disappointment and heartbreak is absolutely riveting. I have heard her speak at a women's event, and she is an excellent speaker as well. She is so open about her continuing journey of her only son's lifetime incarceration and readily admits she doesn't have all the answers. She also shares the stories of others whose lives have been turned upside down. I'm glad I read all the acknowledgments at the end because my friend Carolyn Denny was mentioned!

[Dennis Henn · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book was like a conversation between Kent, whose son is serving a life sentence for murder, and women in times of great suffering. Each chapter has Kent reflecting on her situation, on a friend's situation, and on Mary's situation (Jesus' mother). Chapters end with discussion questions. Scripture is used often (a plus), but it is quoted from the Message (are you serious?). Maybe if I were in deep despair this book would have mattered. As I am not, it did not.

[Eve Harrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

After my son went to prison I didn't know where to turn. A dear friend gave me this book and came alongside me as I navigated my New Normal. I was so blessed with the testimony of Carol Kent and others who have struggled through their own challenges realizing that God is with us through the good and the bad. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with great challenge in their life. The root is to understand that Jesus is with us through it all.

[Stacey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Carol gives examples of how to cope when life throws a hardball..when life changes..She gives details of her own experience of How she got back on track to God through horrible tragedy.and some others who have had tragedy.It was pretty good..for sure gives examples of hope..Its a blessing to see how God works.Inspiring for sure!

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed the honesty of the Kent's heartbreaking story--God working in and around us when things do not work out the way we hope--when normal becomes our worst nightmare. I heard her speak at a women's conference, and while the stories she tells bring many tears, there is hope in an unrelenting Savior at the bottom of it all.

[Patti Hall]

Uplifting and encouraging!

I read Carol Kent's book "WHEN I LAY MY ISAAC DOWN". This was a great follow up, showing the faithfulness of our loving heavenly Fathers care when we feel that all is lost! I highly recommend this book especially if you have gone through an extremely sorrowful experience.

[Concetta Kellough · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author's son murdered someone in the state of Florida, which was an automatic life sentence when found guilty. Her son was in the Navy and a high achiever so the author and her husband went from having a son to brag about to having a son who committed murder. (He killed his wife's ex-husband who she said was molesting her daughters.)

[Lois · Rating 4 out of 5]

Carol offers hope and help for good people who are going through bad things, horrible things that they can't explain and can't change. We can give up and get bitter, or we can trust God and find hope.