Without a Second Thought: A Memoir of Life in Franco's Madrid

by Diane Lorz Benitez

Diane knew nothing about the Spanish Civil War, and the only thing she knew about the dictator Franco was that Alberto, the worldly, successful Spanish engineer she wanted to marry, called him "benevolent." The insights into daily Spanish life could only be told by someone who lived them, and loved most of them. Diane filled her letters home with happy anecdotes about maids and doormen, in-laws and food, but underneath the comfortable exterior lingered vague images of Franco's police and ghosts of the Civil War—the war no one spoke about, or mentioned only superficially, except for Alberto, who had recounted his harrowing experience as a teenager fleeing the siege of Madrid. It was Alberto's increasingly alarming behavior that made her fear for her marriage, and ultimately made her fear for the safety of her daughters. When she saw no other way out, Diane faced the fear the only way she knew how.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

342 pages, Hardcover

Published October 20, 2020

About the author

Lorz Benitez grew up in the 1950s in Meadville, PA. Perhaps singing the Mass responses in Latin at Saint Bridgit’s church or the sound of her grandfather’s German accent awakened her interest in language—or the visit from an uncle who had lived in Paris and spoke French. Maybe following her Army captain father from post to post during WWII created an appetite for travel.

Although encouraged by her parents toward a teaching career, Lorz Benitez left college to work in a high-end retail store in Cleveland, Ohio. Her classroom was a salon of imported fashions and colleagues with accents. She wanted the story behind any voice that didn’t sound like hers. But the accented voice that changed her life belonged to a Spaniard.

At the age of twenty-four, Lorz Benitez resigned from a hard-earned position, drained her bank account and sailed away with a civil engineer from Madrid ten years her senior. This is the inside story of a Spanish/American marriage during the final decade of the Franco dictatorship, and of an ongoing love for Spain.

After nearly twelve years in Madrid, Lorz Benitez returned to the United States and now lives in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Reviews

[Judith Starkston]

Benitez writes in a style that is in turns dryly humorous, breathtakingly heart-wrenching, and simply beautiful. This is a rare memoir that brilliantly takes you on two simultaneous, spell-binding journeys. Benitez will give you the full savor of Spain’s extraordinary culture, its regional foods, unsurpassed art and churches, even a forgotten one tucked against an isolated coastline. While she vividly draws you into life in Spain in the final years of Franco’s rule, she also tells the page-turning story of a young American woman who falls in love with this foreign world but discovers a soul-harrowing crisis hiding at the core of that beloved life. It is a crisis both personal and particular, while also reflecting the unresolved, silent shadow left by the Civil War. What a luxury to find in one book both an immersive travelogue and an utterly engrossing tale, told in such masterful prose. I highly recommend Without a Second Thought.

[Laural]

I found this book endlessly transportive and suspenseful. For those of us who have begun a love affair with travel; or for those of us who dream of strolling the markets of Madrid or the beaches of Galicia; it was if I were there. I could just about taste the olives and feel the linen tablecloths, whiling away a typical three-hour Spanish luncheon. Weaving through that idyllic backdrop is a sense of mild foreboding, though. The author, a chic young American fashion buyer, marries a prominent Spanish civil engineer and finds herself in a fascist country where women have no rights to travel alone, where her husband's money and power dictates her safety and that of her young girls. But what if her husband isn't entirely . . . safe?

It reads as a good companion piece to Ruta Sepetys' bestselling The Fountains of Silence, also set during the Franco regime in Madrid; but Without A Second Thought is a retelling of a woman's actual life in Spain. This book was both for the wild girl in me that chose the wrong man in my twenties and couldn't be told different - who among us hasn't made that mistake- and the woman today in a better place. I was fortunate enough to receive an advance copy from the publisher for review, which I'd like to pass on so others can experience it, but I keep finding myself re-charmed by certain passages. Such as:

I was scanning the map on my lap for a town that might be more than a cluster of stone dewllings when I felt the car turn on to a bumpy road.

"What are you doing?" I said as Alberto shifted the Seat from fourth to third.

The only signs of human life on the hilltop were a small house and a rudimentary barn. Alberto didn't answer for a moment and stopped by the open barn door.

"I'm starving," he said and got out of the car.

In the doorway, a wrinkle-faced man who could not have stood more than five feet tall watched motionless. Immediately, I thought of the Spanish war and what Alberto had told me.

"The children born and reared during the 1930s never thrived," he said. "We were all mal-nourished."

I had seen for myself. Alberto had reached 5'7", but his cousins, born a decade later when food was more abundant, were all nearly six feet tall. Still, Alberto seemed to tower over the rustic figure in the doorway who wore a black beret, the type the spaniards call a boina, a white collarless shirt and shapeless brown corduroy pants that looked to be the one-size-fits-all variety. What I could see of his weathered face and exposed forearms appeared to be brown corduroy, too. The men exchanged a few words then disappeared into the barn. When they emerged a few minutes later, Alberto motioned me to join them.

"We can eat here," he said.

"Here?" I looked around.

At that moment, Alberto chose to speak English.

"Yes, the old guy says he has food."

The farmer looked at me quizzically, then beckoned me to the barn. To one side, just past the door, stood a small wooden cask. He lifted the lid with a tentative smile alternately tapping his chest and pointing to the barrel. Inside, lay the glistening river trout he had pickled himself, and for a moment a whiff of the pungent brine replaced the aroma of grain and livestock.

"Muy bonito," I said.

The farmer's smile broadened. Before I could say more than very pretty, he had pulled a pair of sawhorses from a corner, set a plank upon them, and then dashed up the rise to his house. He returned with a chair dangling from the crook of each elbow and his wife a few steps behind.
I knew the woman was his wife because of her dress -- long-sleeved, calf-length and black -- the traditional mark of a married woman in rural society. One expects cultural differences between countries, but even in Spain itself the difference between city and village was extreme. As I stood before the farmer's wife in my pale beige hip-huggers with the flared cuffs and a sleeveless top that opened in front to what I hoped was a tantalizing inch above my bra, the difference must have seemed extraterrestrial to her.

The woman carried a tray with plates and cutlery, a bottle of wine and half a round of coarse country bread. She set the makeshift table with a white cloth while her husband talked trout. When she finished, she turned to us.

"Huevos fritos?"

"Perfecto!" Alberto and I answered in enthusiastic unison because, though it sounds quite simple, an egg fried Spanish style is a wonderful thing. There is magic in the olive oil. Slipped into a skillet of near-boiling oil, the egg white shudders and bubbles. As the cook gently bastes the egg's center, the white forms a lacy halo around the yolk. Sometimes the white gets crisp around the edge. I always ate that part first and then, after piercing the yolk with the crust, soaked it up with a chunk of bread. Salty, hot, golden and delicious.

I'll pass my copy on, but I'll miss it. Put this one on your to-read list.

Diane Lorz Benitez
Without a Second Thought: A Memoir of Life in Franco’s Madrid

The Fountains of Silence

[Carolyn Allport]

Whether you’ve succumbed to the siren song of living in a foreign land, or merely been tempted, you will love Without A Second Thought.

In her richly-detailed memoir, Diane Lorz Benitez tells the story of her journey from her small town Catholic girlhood in Pennsylvania to her life as the wife of a Spanish engineer and mother to two daughters in Madrid during the last years of Franco’s fascist dictatorship.

As an Army brat during World War II, Benitez is drawn to anything ‘foreign’: the gifts her officer father sent home from Europe and the Pacific, a thank you letter from a French refugee child for the gift of a sweater, a grandfather with a German accent. It’s a fascination that only grows as she leaves home and makes her adult way into the urban world of fashion and retail: she’s drawn to anyone with a foreign accent. When she agrees to a blind date because he’s a Spaniard, she meets a highly accomplished, intelligent, charming man —“the most fascinating man on the planet”— and when he asks her to come to Spain with him, she takes the plunge, just in her seven year old self jumped into the deep end of the pool in the book’s opening chapter, trusting she would learn to swim once she was in the water.

This memoir, with its keen descriptions of food, neighborhood streets and buildings and full of unexpected, eccentric details captures for me the experience of being an American living abroad—an expat, however fluent in the language, however well-integrated, however desirous of blending in. There’s something about the way LB describes the mix of family and friends (expats and ‘natives’) that captures the sensation—a joy to those blessed or cursed with it—of being both insider and outsider: a contradictory consciousness which is both strength and fragility that opens you up to seeing things others take for granted and makes you more vulnerable to their loss.

And we are at her side as her marriage begins to unravel. Benitez lets the reader understand the warning signs before she does. We suffer with her as the man who has been her guide and protector slips into unreliable and even dangerous behavior; and as she comes to the painful realization she will have to fill that role herself, in a country where women have no rights.

After being been with her on streets of Madrid, the fog-shrouded back roads of Galicia, at dinners at the homes of her in-laws, or the one cooked by an ancient campesino in a stone barn, we share the feeling of loss. But that’s the wonderful secret of this compelling memoir: the Spanish husband is gone, but the other love affair, the one with Spain, lives on. She will be back.

[Karla Elling]

Diane Lorz Benitez's memoir kept me awake all night, as I swatted mosquitoes off the page to follow a young woman's adventure in Madrid, Spain. This is a cautionary romance, a bold drama where scenes unfold slowly as we traverse secret corridors and nested spaces full of air and light. We feel a bride's early pleasure in the food, love, and shelter granted by her brilliant picaresque husband, Alberto Benitez.

Diane's perspective takes us through the streets, markets, enclosures, and mountain roads near her new home. Her point of view glides at first, rising in an ornate elevator to meet new in-laws, then it jolts, as she becomes acutely aware of her confines . . . the smell of grease in that "wrought iron birdcage." If marriage is a dance that reveals the language of the body, then Diane's romance moves from a passionate Sarabande to the domineering sensuality of a Tango. Encircled by child-bearing, homemaking, and elegant gatherings like her alfresco feasts in the country, Diane is also fenced-in by Alberto's rants, unpredictable temper, mental abuse, and his drinking.

Escape? In 1970s Spain, a married woman needed her husband's consent to open a bank account, to work, apply for a passport, or take her children out of the country. However, consider the courage of Diane Benitez. No dictator-nation, and certainly no macho, middle-aged man will be able to stop her. Read on!

[Rehn Kovacic]

In the 1950's and 60's, there was a movie genre where a heroine--often played by Audrey Hepburn--goes off on some adventure, finds Mr. Right, and lives happily ever after—at least that is the assumption when the film ends. Well, Diane Lorz Benitez has written a memoir, “Without a Second Thought: A Memoir of Life in Franco’s Madrid,” that begins where these films generally end and then details what "happily ever after" can really mean. Ms. Benitez meets a Spanish engineer and ends up married with two children living in Spain—Franco’s Spain to be exact. The memoir highlights the everyday life of the residents of Madrid in the 1960’s and 70’s, where we come to know through the book’s rich detail everyone from Ms. Benitez’s in-laws, to her friends, to her maids. And in doing so, the memoir places the reader in the middle of the author’s marriage as it slowly falls apart. We are taken on a ride of emotions from the excitement of a new experience to the sadness of loss. And finally, we experience suspense as dramatic as any Alfred Hitchcock movie. I truly enjoyed this book, and I highly recommend it—without a second thought—to both readers of memoirs and fiction. You will not be disappointed.

[Jan Devey]

WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT

In many ways, American born Diane Benitez’s formative years were preparation for her cosmopolitan life ahead. Her enthusiasm and empathy for all things ‘foreign’ would greatly help her adapt to life in Franco’s post-Civil War Spain. Diane would happily embrace the enormous cultural differences between the land of her birth and that of her Spanish husband, Alberto. How vividly and sympathetically she captures the rigid class ridden Catholic society, their delicious traditional cuisine, the breath-taking scenery and architecture and the interesting characters she encounters. However, nothing could have prepared her for trying to raise two loving daughters in the company of an erratic, alcoholic husband. Her stoicism finally reaches breaking point forcing her to take action. An absorbing, imaginative read full of love, hope, despair and fortitude.

Jan Devey formerly British Embassy, The Netherlands and author of Can I Take Worms to Britain and Just Desserts.

[Gail A.]

“Without a Second Thought” shines as a jewel of a memoir. I was captivated by this intimate story of a young woman from the Midwest who embarks on a newlywed’s adventure in Spain. As a psychologist I was moved by the honest, self-insight the author reveals to us as she grows from a young wife and mother to a determined woman who finds her grit. As a traveler, I could place myself in the exact place and moment as the author through her vividly recalled conversations with family and beautiful prose filled with imagery of Spain in all its appeal: the land, the people, the rituals. I will always remember the 12th century church, Santa Maria de Oia, on Spain’s west coast of Galicia as an ethereal symbol of solace and hope. As a reader, I highly recommend this book for anyone who seeks that special memoir compelling enough to read in one sitting.

[Carrie]

This has a really high Goodreads rating, so take mine with a grain of salt. This is a well-written story of an American woman who marries a Spanish man and moves to Madrid, and who then proceeds to fall in love with the country and out of love with the man. I'm not sure why it didn't capture my interest more. I think there was so much ominous foreshadowing about her marriage that I kept expecting something truly extraordinary to explode between them, and then was thrown off when the husband turns out to be a regular old controlling, boorish alcoholic. So maybe it's my fault for expecting big drama when the point is that this woman's life was interesting enough without reality TV type embellishments.

[AJ Majercin]

I received Without a Second Thought, Life in Franco's Madrid, as an ARC, advance reader copy. I have always been interested in Spanish culture and I found in this memoir the details and insights that only an "insider" could show even though the insider was American. I laughed at the experiences of a young woman navigating married life in Madrid and worried when things didn't seem quite right. The pages are full of quirky characters, unusual food and traces of the Spanish Civil War. Lorz Benitez writes with love and humor. I re-read passages because of the elegant language but the power of the story itself kept me turning the pages. I highly recommend this beautifully written memoir.

[Francis Berg]

This book is a must read for lovers of travel and good food. The anecdotes of daily life in Spain are carefully woven into the fabric of a fascinating but troubled marriage. Lorz Benitez tells this story in a way that you just can't put this down! The writing is beautiful and keeps you guessing throughout the story. You will be transported to Madrid in the 60s and 70s and be a fly on the wall in a marriage between a young American woman and a successful Spanish engineer. What could go wrong? Highly recommend!!

[Marcia]

This book is an inspiring personal journey, initiated by love, curiosity, adaptability, and the desire to understand another culture. It details the beautiful traditions and beliefs of historic Spain that fascinate all newcomers. But the author’s intimate perspective also reveals and memorializes the surprisingly destructive quality that a self-enforced Silence has on the psyche of a people who suffer civil war and oppression in their own country. A sensitive, thought-provoking read. Marcia Losh

[B.L. Pike]

Have you ever been to Spain? Me neither, but after reading Lorz Benitez's memoir of her years in Madrid during the Franco regime, I practically feel like I grew up there. Customs and cuisine, architecture and art--and the unspoken secrets of a tragic collective past: it's all here, vibrant and engaging, as part of the author's personal (and hauntingly parallel) history. I received an ARC of this book for review, and I'm really glad I did. I highly recommend this one.
B.L. Pike
Literary Mama, "Senior Mama" columnist

[Judy Wargula]

Everyone has a story, Diane Benitez's story is a personal journey that is filled with a love for travel, adventure, language, wonderful food and love of life. Her insights about Spain, her relationships, her children, and navigating life in a foreign country are a joy to read. In her book, Without a Second Thought she takes the reader from her childhood to her extremely difficult decisions about her future with a man who was impacted by his own childhood. This book will keep you reading well into the night. I highly recommend it.

[Margaret Spence]

There are memoirs and then there are magnificent memoirs. This astonishingly well-written story takes us from a safe American childhood in the 1930s and 40s to Franco’s Spain in the 1960s and beyond. Only the lucky among us cannot relate to a young woman falling in love with the wrong man or taking risks for the sake of adventure. I’ve certainly done both, and for that reason alone would have kept reading this book. But really, the quality of Diane Benetiz’s writing transported me to a foreign culture and to the interior thoughts of a woman who finds herself in a life she realizes is wrong for her. Benetiz has mastered the art of capturing a moment, a culture, and a character in a few deft sentences. Just enough, and we’re in another world. I could not put this book down.

[Bridget]

I DEVOURED this book. The author is obviously very adventurous and talented but she is also very relatable, which made her experiences so fun to read about. Plus, she has an amazing way of describing food that I really appreciated. I went into this book expecting a romp through Franco's Madrid, and it is that, but it is also a deeply personal memoir of a difficult cross-cultural marriage. I loved it.

[C]

Wow, what a story! I thought I would just be reading another memoir about an American who moves to Europe but this is so much more. It's part guidebook, part mystery, part love story, part cookbook...a real gem! Diane Lorz Benitez is a careful, descriptive, rich writer. Can't wait to see what she writes next!

[JulieK]

This could've been more polished with some additional editing, but it was an interesting look at day to day life among a certain class of Madrileños in the 1960s. 3.5 stars

[Mary]

Really enjoyed this book on my trip to Madrid

[Jan Murra]

Diane is a wonderful writer. Her vivid depictions of her life in Spain lead you through a picnic in the hills, a family dinner, visits to museums, art exhibits, shopping in stores and you feel you actually experienced it. You actually live her life while on vacation, during her pregnancies with her two children, and coping with her alcohol-loving husband. It's a wonderful read and I recommend it highly.

[Anne Gully]

One might have told Diane not to take on this journey into Franco's Spain with a little known but charming man. But then she would have missed having her daughters, finding life-long friends and a love for Spain, and becoming fluent in Spanish. We would have been deprived of these delightful accounts of scenery, smells, food, and wonderful characters, who flourished in spite of a repressive government. Anne Gully