Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture

by Sean McDowell

The music we listen to, the movies we watch—they're all telling us to keep chasing love, and that we'll finally be happy when we find it.
 
But is love really all we need? 
 
The love that the world tells us to pursue is all about self, about following your heart’s desires. But what is the Christian worldview on love? When we follow Jesus, we realize that he invites us to reorient the focus of our lives, so instead of chasing love primarily for our own happiness, we are first and foremost to give love—to God and to others. 
 
In Chasing Love , Sean McDowell will invite readers into Jesus’ radical, upside-down approach to love, and in doing so, he’ll answer some of the toughest questions we’re asking about love
 

Genres: Christian, Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Relationships, Religion, Theology

208 pages, Paperback

Published December 1, 2020

About the author

Dr. Sean McDowell is a gifted communicator with a passion for equipping the church, and in particular young people, to make the case for the Christian faith. He connects with audiences in a tangible way through humor and stories while imparting hard evidence and logical support for viewing all areas of life through a Biblical worldview. Sean is an Assistant Professor in the Christian Apologetics program at Biola University.

Sean still teaches one high school Bible class, which helps give him exceptional insight into the prevailing culture so he can impart his observations poignantly to fellow educators, pastors, and parents alike.

Read more about Sean on his website.
Connect with Sean on Facebook.

Reviews

[Josh Olds · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sex/Love/Dating books are always a bestseller in Christian markets, not because the people buying them are reading them, but because they’re giving them to their children/youth group hoping that a book will replace the difficult and awkward work of actually conversing with teenager about sex, love, and dating. That puts an unhealthy burden on the author of said book by asking them to do a job they shouldn’t have to do. Sean McDowell’s in a difficult position in Chasing Love, but it’s a position he put himself in by writing the book.

Part one of Chasing Love builds the philosophical foundations for an evangelical ethos of sexuality. The chapters are short, punchy, and meant for a young teen level audience. The good of this is that it is very introductory and foundational. The bad is that it tells rather than challenges. It assumes the reader is a tabula rasa when it comes to their thoughts/beliefs on sexuality and—as a youth pastor—let me tell you, that isn’t the case. McDowell isn’t necessarily wrong in any of his foundational teachings (I think he is in some areas, but it’s difficult to critique McDowell as he only states, rather than argues his case), but I don’t think that he ever goes deep enough in pouring the foundations to ensure that they stay rooted in the lives of our young people. And maybe it is that McDowell intends for his writing to be the jumping-off points for parents and pastors to do the hard individual work needed, but that’s often not the case.

Part two covers the purpose of sex, singleness, and marriage, with four chapters devoted to each. Again, the chapters are short and descriptive, aimed at imparting knowledge without necessarily rigorously defending it. This is most noticeable when McDowell writes that the primary purpose of sex is procreation. (What about infertility or same-sex relationships? asks the youth.) McDowell confusingly writes that sex that does not result in pregnancy is okay for opposite-sex behavior because it is “oriented toward procreation,” but that cannot be the case for same-sex couples. I’d like to explore that thought further because it’s not an argument I’d heard before, but McDowell just moves on. Take his word for it. That’s all. Next. It’s simply not going to pass the smell test for today’s youth.

Part three hits on the “hot button” issues: porn, cohabitation, divorce, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, transgender issues, and sexual abuse. McDowell’s expression of many of these issues lack nuance or grace (to the point that, in one case, he tells a story where he admits he lacked grace). Marriage, he says, must be saved at “all costs,” but never discusses biblical allowances for divorce. He says that staying in a bad marriage mirrors God, who was faithful to Israel even when they were not, but fails to mention that God divorced Israel (“I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce” Jer. 3:8). Further, McDowell’s discussion of homosexuality does not clearly differentiate between orientation and action and says like besides “The Bible says” without truly dealing with the arguments of those who interpret Scripture differently.

In the end, McDowell expresses a fairly classic evangelical view of sexuality—perhaps leaning more to the side that believes that sex is strictly for procreation—but he does so in a way that assumes his readers will agree with him. They don’t. Full stop. Chasing Love doesn’t respect its readers enough to assume that they’ve developed their own thoughts on these issues and fails to engage them at any reasonable level. It’s just not going to be a useful book for this generation. Even when I agreed with McDowell, It found myself cringing at the matter-of-fact and frankly arrogant way he made his case. Given that McDowell makes certain to express his view against same-sex relationships, it would not be too far off to say that the entire book was written simply to combat that view without seriously discussing the biblical text or the cultural milieu. It’s disrespectful to his audience and, frankly, will be counterproductive to his goals. It’s not just his message, it’s his tone. Since his tone won’t engage his intended audience and will instead push them farther away, I cannot recommend this book.

[MacKenzie Enloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comprehensive page turner!

If you are looking for a book that logically lays out and explains what the Bible says about love, dating, singleness, marriage and current topics; you will want to pick up your copy of Chasing Love by Sean McDowell. It’s not a very long book, so doesn’t spend too much time on each topic, but very thorough.

To give some perspective, I am a new Mom and wife who grew up in youth group and was taught about dating/marriage during the purity culture movement that started in the late 90s. I felt like I knew what to say about dating and sex, but couldn’t expand on any one topic or even make decisions for my kids future. I was off balance. To say that I needed a tune up on these topics is an understatement.

A great book to read if you are a parent or student and infused with scripture, advice, and statistics all pointing to the purpose of sex, love & relationships (hence the title). Sean starts the book by clarifying some key words/concepts so that we can better understand God’s purpose for creating humans with sexuality. Later “debunking” some myths and (surprisingly) a compelling look at how the Bible honors singleness. Some really heavy questions to consider. Controversial matters elaborated with scripture and theology intertwined to help you formulate thoughts and have conversations. Great book to have on hand to give to a student or friend who could be struggling.

You will not be disappointed.

[Brian Park · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fantastic book for helping teens form their thoughts on a variety of topics related to sex, love, and relationships—and the variety is no joke. The book covers how we should think about pornography, cohabitation, divorce, homosexuality, transgenderism, sexual abuse, singleness, marriage, same-sex marriage, commitment, love, forgiveness, trust, and more. In addition to the variety, the book is chock-full of scholarly information, yet it is easy to digest for lay-readers. Underlying all the text is a cordial, pastoral, and yet uncompromising voice that speaks tenderly to the reader who may struggle with some of the difficult and often countercultural exhortations that McDowell gives. Interestingly, the literary structure of the book is unusual in that each chapter ends with a short answer to a common question about sex, yet often not very related to the chapter. It seems that this was done to capture a wider audience, since there are some people who just want quick answers to specific questions, while others crave a more holistic worldview approach to sexual ethics. All in all, this book does a great job of helping readers navigate through thinking rightly about all matters related to sex in our confusing sex-saturated culture.

[Morgan Ellis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Basically just a version of Loveology for a younger audience

[Jessica Graziano · Rating 1 out of 5]

I will not be finishing this book. I do not want to spend my time reading a book that paints same-sex relationships negatively. The portion of this book that I did read spouts his own opinions and tells his audience what they should believe.

When I requested this book, I assumed that it was solely about marital relationships. The author of this book does not exhibit what I feel is Christ-like behavior. Books like these, with messages like these, are why people of the Christian faith are viewed the way they are.

I am a Christian. and have been for the majority of my life and was raised in a Catholic home as a child. My relationship with God has never been stronger and my faith is a huge part of my life. I know what repentance is and I know what forgiveness is. I believe that it is God’s plan for all of us to know love and be loved. As this author states right there in his book, the greatest commandment we have been given is to love God and LOVE OTHERS. PERIOD.

It doesn't say love others as long as they are exactly the same as you, as long as they believe exactly what you do and their lives look like a carbon copy of yours.

Homosexuality is not a choice. It is an orientation. It is no different than eye-color or being right-handed or left-handed. Sexuality is a gift from God, love, and relationships are gifts from God.

This book spouts what the author states as fact, his own opinions, and leaves no room for other opinions or thoughts. There are inherent dangers in referring to one's view of marriage as being the “Biblical” view.

The problem with people who use this argument against same-sex relationships is that they want to follow the Bible to the T and take everything within it literally when it is convenient to them when it aligns with their own personal beliefs and opinions.

If this is the argument and we should be living out what it says in the Bible literally, then the following things would need to be done as well:

According to the Bible, marriage can only exist between people of the same faith. We all know that this is no longer the case and I don't think I have ever heard anyone make a fuss about interfaith marriages.
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According to the Bible, a wife must not only be subordinate (Ephesians 5:22) but when she and her husband are married, she must prove her virginity or be taken out and stoned (Deuteronomy 22:20-21). I DON'T THINK THAT I NEED TO POINT OUT THAT THIS IS NO LONGER DONE, AND IS ALSO ILLEGAL.

According to the Bible, if a woman’s husband dies without having a son, she must marry her husband’s brother and have intercourse with him until she bears a son (Mark 12: 18-27).YEP. I HAVE NEVER MET ANYONE WHO HAS DONE THIS AND I'VE KNOWN MANY WOMEN (SEVERAL WITHIN MY OWN FAMILY) WHO HAVE BEEN WIDOWED. NO ONE IS INSISTING THAT THIS STILL BE FOLLOWED.

Many men of the Bible, including Jacob, Esau, Gideon, David, and Solomon were polygamists.
Others such as Abraham, Caleb, and Solomon had concubines as well as wives. IF WE SHOULD BE TAKING EVERYTHING IN THE BIBLE LITERALLY AND LIVING IT OUT THEN POLYGAMY AND POLYAMORY SHOULD BE A COMMON AND ENCOURAGED PRACTICE.

So, it is clear that marriage has evolved from Genesis to Revelation. Unfortunately, individuals still also use the Bible to try to prevent an inter-racial marriage, which is just a whole other topic.

The Bible needs to be read in the context in which it was written. For us to read it literally makes a mockery of our faith and frankly turns so many away from knowing the true love of Christ.

Another example is that modern-day Christians no longer adhere to the Levitical Code of the Old Testament. I have been listening to the Bible every morning in 2021 and recently listened to this portion and it blew my mind considering what our world would be like if we still followed these instructions. YET I DON'T SEE GROUPS AND ORGANIZATIONS CALLING FOR THESE TO BE FOLLOWED.

We cannot use the Bible as a weapon to further our own political or social views and that is exactly what this author does with this book. And the fact that it is geared for teenagers and young adults breaks my heart. I cannot imagine the hurt, pain, and confusion that these words would cause someone of the Christian faith exploring or leaning into their sexual identity.

Another interesting point to note is that in all of his teachings, Jesus never said anything about homosexuality. He did however admonish us to love one another. By admonishing the LGBT community you yourself are not adhering to Christ's teachings.

So many use the Bible to taut same-sex relationships as sin but are the same people who turn around and tell a lie in the same breath or have affairs or steal and cheat. Even if homosexuality was a sin, so are the lies you spout, so is taking the Lord's name in vain, so is not honoring your parents. SIN IS SIN IS SIN. PERIOD. WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN BEFORE YOU CALL SOMEONE ELSE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION A SIN.

Books like these and comments like these do more harm than good to the Christian church. The world hears these messages of marginalization and the church and Christians are seen as being judgmental and intolerant of others. This is not the message Jesus came to bring. His message of love, forgiveness, acceptance, and grace is what we should be demonstrating to the world.

If I could give this zero points I would.

[Lindsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I expected better of Sean ngl. But it was like he tried way too hard to target modern teenagers meaning he focused on short chapters, meaning he didn't go in depth with ANYTHING. Finished stronger than it started.

[Jeffrey McDowell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Much needed book in today's age.

[Ian · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I requested this book via NetGalley, I didn't appreciate it was targeted towards the teenage/YA audience, as I was fascinated by the book's title and tagline. Initially, I was a little surprised by the emphasis on love in its purist form (ie, God's love for us and how He desires we love Him) and this constant reference to sex. I thought Mcdowell was confusing his topics.

However, having read a few reviews and identifying the book's target audience, I relaxed and happily read through the book. McDowell covers a lot of topics, perhaps too many, but it does provide a very good overview of a host of challenging topics relating to 'sex' and relationships which every teen/YA is bombarded with at present in our over-sexed world.

McDowell is very well read and references many good authors and publications which can serve as the first point of contact by readers wishing to explore a particular topic in more detail.

Each chapter is short, three to five pages and well written using stories, Biblical truth and other pertinent references to explain his perspectives. Each chapter ends with McDowall responding to a challenging question that I suspect he's likely to have been asked.

I received an early ebook copy from the publisher via NetGalley with no expectation of a favourable review.

[Lauren K · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sean McDowell outlines a biblical sexual ethic for youth in his book Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture. He builds a foundation for understanding biblical ethics, explores the purpose of relational stages, and answers practical questions on sexual ethics.

In Part 1, McDowell provides a biblical and theological framework for approaching God’s sexual ethics. First, he encourages young people to trust God’s commands, knowing that He wants the best for them. If people followed Jesus’s commands, there would be much less brokenness in the world, including no sexually transmitted diseases, adultery, or rape. McDowell then argues that freedom is not simply the absence of restraints, because every action has consequences and restraints. Instead, true freedom requires choosing the right restraints that allow one to flourish and fulfill one’s purpose. Moreover, humans long for the safety of committed relationships, which require restraint. Next, McDowell defines love as a commitment to seeking another’s good, even if that person does not realize it. In His love, God has given a sexual ethic for humanity’s flourishing. Therefore, humans should honor God with their bodies and souls by obeying His sexual commands. However, sex is powerful; it can even lead to the creation of a new and immortal person. Thus, Satan tries to corrupt, deceive, and twist sex to distort God’s plan. But even when humans fall prey to Satan’s temptations, God still offers grace and forgiveness. He can redeem broken people and help them learn to live according to His plan.

In Part 2, McDowell examines the purposes for sex, singleness, and marriage. Sexuality involves far more than the act of sex. Indeed, God designed humans as sexed beings, whose maleness and femaleness impact how they view the world; even Jesus lived and rose again as a sexed being. God designed sexual intercourse to procreate new humans, enhance unity between spouses, and provide a heavenly picture of Christ’s relationship with the church. Therefore, sex is significant, and it impacts other people besides the couple. Moreover, Christians should abstain from all forms of sexual activity, not just intercourse. Next, McDowell points out the purpose of singleness: single believers can focus on serving God and foreshadow heaven, where there will be no marriage. Single people can still experience family in God’s family, the church. Granted, singleness is difficult; but it is not impossible. Finally, McDowell considers marriage, which God designed to be a permanent, loving, committed relationship between one man and one woman, for the purposes of raising children and reflecting God’s love and relationality to the world. However, marriage is not designed to fulfill all relational needs or remove sexual temptations; God, not marriage, is the solution. Nevertheless, marriage is still an excellent gift from God.

Finally, in Part 3, McDowell examines specific topics in sexual ethics. He argues that pornography is a sinful snare that harms both the people portrayed in it and the people who use it. Cohabitation is also outside of God’s plan for sexuality, and it harms partners by hindering their ability to evaluate the relationship and by undermining the need for commitment. While the Bible does permit divorce in some cases, God’s design is for marriage to be permanent, even when couples encounter difficulties; divorce hurts people and does not reflect God’s love. God also designed marriage to be heterosexual: while some people experience same-sex attraction, they should not act on those desires. The church should show love to these people and encourage them to obey God’s commands. Same-sex marriage is wrong; moreover, kids seem to flourish more with both a mom and a dad. Identifying as transgender is also wrong. Christians should compassionately help transgender people learn to live out their God-given biological sex. Finally, sexual abuse is wrong; victims should realize that God sees their pain, weeps with them, and can help them heal, often through a loving human community. McDowell concludes by affirming that God can empower Christian youth to live out His sexual ethics for their lives.

Analysis

Overall, McDowell’s book offers a useful guide for helping teenagers think through God’s design for their sexuality. It certainly appeals to youth: McDowell uses accessible language, provides age-relevant examples, and answers pressing questions that young people may have. However, even though McDowell adopts an accessible style, he does not appear condescending. He gives young people dignity by covering complex topics in a respectful and relatable manner, not talking down to readers or minimizing their intelligence.

One strength of McDowell’s book is its practicality. McDowell addresses numerous pressing questions that young people face. At the end of each chapter, he offers a brief treatment of a specific ethical question, such as when young people should begin dating, whether oral sex is permissible, and how teens should respond to people who pressure them for nude photos. These short sections are highly practical and help young people understand how to apply biblical sexual ethics to specific situations in their lives.

However, an interesting feature of McDowell’s approach is that he seeks to give a framework for thinking biblically about sexuality, rather than offering simple answers. Although he does address specific questions about sexual ethics, he does not simply answer the questions with a clear-cut formula. Instead, he highlights biblical principles that apply to the situation. While some of his practical answers are specific and absolute, others (such as how much physical touch is permissible during dating) are more general and encourage readers to think through the issues and look to trustworthy adults for advice. His failure to provide a specific prescription can be frustrating at times, as it might be helpful to have more concrete answers. Nevertheless, his approach does help to avoid legalism and to encourage youth to think biblically about topics for themselves, rather than simply relying on someone to make decisions for them.

Another strength of McDowell’s book is his gracious approach to the topic. While he clearly spells out God’s plan for sexuality, he also acknowledges that many people fail to live up to God’s design; he recognizes that many of his readers will have committed sexual sin. Rather than ignoring or condemning such people, McDowell emphasizes God’s grace. While themes of grace appear throughout his book (cf. pages 58,145), he also devotes an entire chapter (Chapter 9) to highlighting God’s grace and forgiveness for those who have failed. He points out that those who have committed sexual sin are not unforgiveable; instead, God wants to redeem and restore these people. McDowell’s approach both models God’s grace and helps readers understand how to respond to God’s sexual ethics even if they have already violated them.

One weakness of McDowell’s book is its failure to discuss topics in-depth. McDowell covers a broad array of topics in sexual ethics, while still keeping his book short and accessible for teen readers. However, to do this, he is compelled to keep each chapter short, even when covering difficult topics. For example, he includes just eight pages on homosexuality, eight pages on same-sex marriage, and nine pages on transgender. McDowell can be commended for addressing these issues in an accessible format and for including these relevant topics, even in such a short book. However, given the controversial nature of these topics, it might have been more helpful if he could have gone into more detail on these issues. Discussions of LGBTQ+ topics are too complex and sensitive to receive only passing treatment. McDowell does point to some additional resources in the footnotes of these chapters. However, he could have improved these chapters by compiling a more formal and prominent list of additional recommended resources at the end of each chapter, pointing youth to the best resources for further study.

Overall, McDowell’s book gives youth an accessible introduction to biblical sexual ethics. He presents biblical values using a graceful, understandable approach.

[T Lennard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sean McDowell’s book, Chasing Love, published in 2020, is an excellent edition on love and sexuality designed for teenage and young adult audiences. The goal of the book is to correct faulty ideology about sex taught by secular society and replace those ideas with biblical views. A discussion on contemporary controversies concludes the edition. The book consists of 30 chapters divided into three parts. First, chapters 1-9 attempt to correct ideas on love and sexuality that have permeated the minds of teenagers by secular society. Second, chapters 10-22 attempts to replace faulty ideas with biblical views on sex, singleness, and marriage. Third, chapters 23-30 deal with highly contentious issues of our day including those surrounding pornography, cohabitation, divorce, LGBTQ, and sexual abuse and demonstrate how advocates twist God’s intended design.
Each chapter of Chasing Love is short, concise, and direct. McDowell’s writing style is straightforward and candid and therefore appealing to his intended audience. Each chapter concludes with a bold and audacious question such as “How do I stay sexually pure? or “Is sex with a robot wrong?” Each of these questions are answered in a transparent and succinct method. However, McDowell claims, as part of his goal for the book, is to avoid “dos and don’ts,” but rather frame the correct questions from a biblical perspective. This method allows the reader to have extended conversations with trusted Christian friends, family, and church leaders about its content. As a condition to add value for this book, the reader is encouraged to discuss the key ideas presented with important people in their life.
Part one of the book challenges the reader to consider the foundation of their sexual ethics with an introductory question, “Will we live a pleasure-centered life focused on self-fulfillment, or will we give our lives away for a greater cause? This introductory question establishes the tone for the remainder of part one found in chapters 1-9. For example, a discussion on the important topics of trust, standards, freedom, relationships, love, and forgiveness are included and cause the reader to contemplate McDowell’s introductory question. McDowell is unequivocal with the intended purpose of his book. He wants to motivate his readers to chase a bigger question, namely, “How do I seek God and His kingdom in my relationships with other people?” or “What does it mean to truly love God and love other people?” The claim is made that if one uses these questions as a personal framework they will have the tools to answer questions about romance, sexuality, and singleness.
McDowell presents a cursory review of biblical sexual ethics by briefly discussing the sexual ethics of Jesus in chapter 3. The question, “What would the world be like if everyone lived the sexual ethic of Jesus?” is posited. The clear answer is that painful experiences such as rape, divorce, sexually transmitted disease, pornography, sexual trafficking, etc., would be non-existent and our society would be transformed for the better. The logical conclusion is for us to acknowledge and follow God’s commands for sexuality that is intended for our good. McDowell concludes that there is both a physical and spiritual reality to our sexual ethics that when properly aligned in our lives provides authentic freedom.
Part two of the book addresses the purpose of sex, singleness, and marriage and dismisses common myths associated with each of these subjects. For example, McDowell establishes three purposes of sex which include procreation, unity, and the foreshadowing of heaven. A strong reminder is given that God has designed sex to help bond a man and woman together for life. It is this bonding that allows the two to enjoy the good gift of sex that points us toward the Giver and provides the foretaste of what awaits us in eternity. Understanding the purpose of sex sets us free to experience love, sex, and relationships as God designed them. In this section, McDowell dismisses various myths associated with the purpose of sex. These myths include the idea that “sex is not a big deal” and “sex is merely a private act.” He also debunks the myth that “sexual intercourse is all that matters for purity.”
The purpose of singleness and marriage is also discussed in Part two of this book. McDowell reminds the reader that “Everyone is single for at least a season in their life” and that both singleness and marriage are equal gifts for the church. He dispels the myths that “singleness means no family” and “singleness is easy.” He concludes the singleness section by dismissing the myth that “singleness is too difficult” and encourages the church to embrace the uniqueness and gift of singleness. Part two concludes with an overview of the purpose of marriage. The idea that marriage is a reflection of God’s kingdom and a portrayal of His love for the church is depicted. Seven characteristics of marriage are outlined and include the ideas that this institution includes equal value for each partner, permanency, sexually complementary roles, procreation, companionship, monogamous status, and the notion that marriage is good. At the conclusion of this section McDowell dismisses three common myths about marriage. These include the misconception that “marriage will fulfill your ultimate relational needs” and “marriage will get rid of your sins.” Finally, the concept that “marriage sex is boring” is debunked.
Chasing Love concludes with an introductory overview of highly contentious topics in chapters 23-30. These topics include pornography, cohabiation, divorce, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, transgenderism, and sexual abuse. Basic definitions, statistics, common cultural views, and a biblical response are discussed. Words of encouragement and practical tips are given to the interested reader. A thematic message delivered by McDowell in this final part is that if we truly love people we cannot soften the inspired word of God. In addition, he reminds us that our identity is found in Christ alone and not in our sexuality. Chasing Love’s final chapter 30 is entitled, “You can do it!” This concluding chapter reminds the reader that focusing on God’s design for sex, love, and relationships is in our best interest and that “doing difficult things is meaninful” and that “we have the power to resist temptation.” McDowell returns to the initial question found in chapter 1, “Which path will you choose - the pleasure-centered life or lives of greater causes?” Perhaps, said more boldly, “Will you accept the invitation of the world or the invitation of Jesus?”
In Chasing Love, McDowell encourages readers to embrace Jesus’ “radical, upside-down approach to love” and along the way discover answers to difficult questions about love, sex, and relationships. My only critique of McDowell’s book is that limited detail is presented on such contentious topics. Additional details replete with Scriptural references and encouragement for interested readers to seek other sources would have been helpful. Additionally, the questions found at the conclusion of each topic were easy to read and understand, but appeared to be placed at random locations and unrelated to the preceding chapter subject. Perhaps a second edition would have room for an expanded chapter with common questions.
McDowell’s Chasing Love is a recommended read for all teenagers and young adults of all religious backgrounds. It is bold, transparent, and candid and exactly what the intended audience needs. It uses solid biblical principles to justify its conclusions regarding love, sex, and relationships. Chasing Love is highly recommended and deserves a five star rating.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for young people on sex, love, and relationships!

How should young people navigate sex, love, and relationships in our culture? Sean McDowell answers this question in a manner that is both thoughtful and engaging. If you are interested in the subject matter, this is a valuable resource to add to your library.

In part one of the book, McDowell begins by highlighting how each of us face a difficult choice: will we choose a pleasure-centered life focused on self-fulfillment, or will we give our lives away for a greater cause? (McDowell 2020, 4). I love how McDowell notes that whereas the world tells us to live for ourselves, to do what we want, to love ourselves, and to disregard truth, Jesus tells us to die to ourselves, to cultivate the right wants, to love others as we love ourselves, and to find truth in knowing and following Him (5-6). McDowell proceeds to get the reader to think about who they will trust in a time when there are many competing voices and invites them to trust God (9-14). McDowell also gets the reader to consider how good and beautiful the world would be if everyone followed the sexual ethics of Jesus (17-22). McDowell’s discussion on what it means to be free is enlightening (25-29). He argues that a truly free person has the capacity of choice and orients their life to God’s design (29). Whether one chooses to be married or single, McDowell notes that commitment brings freedom (31-35). He also helps the reader understand what love means (37-43). I thoroughly enjoyed how McDowell then discusses the significance of honoring God with our body and soul, as well as how the act of sex communicates something (45-50). Noting how Satan distorts God’s plan for sex, McDowell reminds the reader that they can experience God’s forgiveness for their sexual failures and other failures (53-66).

In part two of the book, McDowell begins by highlighting how we can love others with our sexuality, as something that goes beyond sexual activity (69-74). This part of the book is structured around the purpose of sex, singleness, and marriage, and myths associated with those three things. First, McDowell argues that the purpose of sex is procreation, unity, and foreshadowing heaven (75-82). Although sex is pleasurable, McDowell argues that pleasure is not the purpose of sex but rather the motivation for engaging in it (78-79). He then addresses three myths about sex: that sex is not a big deal, that sex is merely a private act, and that sexual intercourse is all that matters for purity (83-93). Second, after touching on the nature of singleness, McDowell argues that the purpose of singleness is to serve the Lord and foreshadow heaven (95-101). He then addresses three myths about singleness: that singleness means no family, that singleness is easy, and that singleness is too difficult (103-113). Third, after touching on the nature of marriage, McDowell argues that the purpose of marriage is to portray God’s love for His church, to portray God’s relational character, and to promote the flourishing of children and the benefit of society (115-122). He then addresses three myths about marriage: that marriage will fulfill one’s ultimate relational needs, that marriage will get rid of one’s sin, and that married sex is boring (125-135).

In part three of the book, McDowell highlights specific topics from pornography to sexual abuse (139-195). In terms of pornography, McDowell highlights three myths: that it does not affect oneself, that one will quit later, and that one is not harming anyone (139-144). He then suggests a few practical steps to avoid the snare of pornography: utilizing a filter on your devices, confessing your sins to a fellow Christian and experiencing God’s grace, and understanding that porn use is a symptom of deeper brokenness (144-145). In terms of cohabitation, McDowell highlights how cohabitation jeopardizes successful marriages for three reasons: they are different kinds of relationships, men and women have different expectations in cohabiting relationships, and the sexual activity that comes with living together can make it harder for people to evaluate the relationship (147-154). In terms of divorce, I love how McDowell notes that if one understands the higher purpose of marriage, they will be more likely to stay faithful and committed to their spouse regardless of how they feel (158-159). He highlights four steps to help divorce-proof one’s future marriage: believe that God intends marriage to be permanent, realize how deeply your current choices can influence your future marriage, get to know couples who have healthy marriages, and plan to seek wise counsel before you get married (159-161). In terms of homosexuality, McDowell addresses what the Bible has to say, dismantles the emotional argument to affirm same-sex relationships, and encourages Christians who do not have same-sex attraction to be good friends to people who do and to stay faithful to Scripture (163-170). In terms of same-sex marriage, McDowell makes a case for the Biblical view of marriage without using the Bible based on three points: sex makes babies, society needs babies, and babies need a mom and a dad (171-177). I do not think many would find this to be a compelling case for the Biblical view of marriage because it assumes that all sexual relationships are capable of procreation and that all marriages involve parenting. In terms of transgenderism, McDowell introduces the topic and highlights three points: that God made humans in His image as male and female, that the Bible consistently condemns crossing gender boundaries, and that Scripture is not very specific about what it means to live out one’s biological sex (179-185). He then highlights three ways we can love transgender people: by being motivated by compassion, by being quick to listen and slow to speak, and by speaking truth compassionately (186-187). In terms of sexual abuse, McDowell notes that it harms people physically and spiritually and highlights three points that we can learn from: the Bible is honest about sex abuse, God has a heart for the marginalized, and Jesus understands (189-193). He then highlights three points of encouragement for those who have experienced sexual abuse: recognize your identity in Christ, share your experience with someone, and speak out with your story (193-195). McDowell concludes the book by highlighting how if we trust God and understand that forgiveness and growth are part of the process, we can follow God’s design for sex, love, and relationships (197-199).

[Aubree · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sean McDowell's “Chasing Love” addresses current issues of love, sex, and relationships. Such topics can be awkward and difficult, yet McDowells thoughtfulness and forwardness in this area is appreciated. This is evident in the three topics he covers, as well as the questions he poses at the end of each chapter. I would recommend this book for parents, even though it is aimed at a younger audience. It offers valuable insight into the questions and challenges young people are encountering and can significantly equip both pastors and adults who are guiding them.
In summary, Chasing Loves' objective is to demonstrate not only the biblical ethic of relationships, but also God's heart in the midst of it. It frequently challenges the audience to contemplate seriously what standards and protections around sex, love and dating teach us about God's character and His love and care for us.
Chasing Love is structured into three main sections, with each chapter presented in a in a short format that is perfect for younger readers, each exploring a distinct theme. In Part One, McDowell outlines God’s design for love, sex, and relationships, framing these within the context of the true freedom God offers. Such an emphasis is significant, particularly given that many readers may initially perceive God’s design as restrictive. By the time McDowell reaches Chapter 8, where he examines the ways Satan corrupts, deceives, and distorts truth, the reader is prepared to recognise how even their own understanding of “freedom” may have been subtly reshaped by these influences. This progression helps the audience critically re-evaluate the narratives that shape their beliefs about love and sexuality.
The chapter on forgiveness, particularly Christ’s forgiveness toward us, is handled with notable care. McDowell recognises that many readers may come to this book having already crossed boundaries or made choices that leave them questioning whether it is still possible to adopt a posture that honours God. By foregrounding God’s forgiveness as the foundation of the Christian faith, he offers a pastoral and theologically grounded reassurance that grace precedes any moral effort. McDowell weaves this theme throughout the book, thoughtfully addressing not only the things readers may have done but also the harm that may have been done to them.
One of the notable strengths of McDowell’s work is the way he identifies and critiques the prevailing cultural “myths” surrounding love and relationships (in particular those shaped by secular and Western assumptions). By explicitly naming these beliefs as myths and then systematically addressing why they are misguided, McDowell communicates clearly how such ideas can appear persuasive, even to Christians. This approach not only exposes the subtle appeal of these narratives but also helps readers recognise how distorted conceptions of love and relationships can infiltrate their own thinking.
In Chapters 8 and 9, McDowell turns to the purpose of sex and the purpose of marriage, topics that young people do not always realise they are wrestling with. Many young people express a desire to marry, yet when asked what marriage means or what they are actually hoping for, they often struggle to articulate it, or they default to a highly individualistic and selfish understanding. Addressing these foundational questions is significant, as it challenges assumptions that young readers already grasp the meaning and purpose of these institutions. His clarification that one of the primary purposes of sex is procreation, for example, directly counters the narratives of hedonism and pleasure many young people encounter from peers, social media, and broader culture. Drawing on themes such as humanity being created male and female in Genesis and the recurring use of marriage imagery throughout Scripture, Chasing Love provides a compelling foundation for opposite-sex marriage as the biblical model.
One element that may be confronting for readers is the set of reflection questions McDowell includes at the end of each chapter. For instance, at the close of Chapter 7 he poses a provocative question about the ethics of having sex with a robot. While initially jarring, the question serves an important purpose, it forces readers to grapple with emerging ethical dilemmas that, although they may not arise in this exact form, reflect the kind of moral challenges increasingly shaped by technological advancement (particularly the rise of AI).
Section Three addresses contemporary sexual issues such as pornography and cohabitation. One of the strengths of this section is McDowell’s engagement with common arguments in favour of cohabitation. He presents these positions fairly, allowing readers to understand their appeal, before ultimately grounding his response in the conviction that the primary question is whether one’s choices create an opportunity to honour God. It reframes the conversation from shame oriented, to God honouring. Similarly, McDowell’s treatment of pornography is both direct and pastorally sensitive. He challenges the widespread cultural claim that pornography is harmless or “normal,” demonstrating that this myth collapses under scrutiny.
A limitation of the text, though perhaps an understandable one given it was published in 2020, is the absence of engagement with the influence of AI. As AI continues to reshape cultural norms around sexuality, intimacy, and relational expectations, many of the topics addressed in this book have already been radically influenced (such as pornography).
Additionally, while McDowell attempts to cover an impressive breadth of topics, this wide scope creates some challenges. The sheer range of issues addressed, along with the number of reflection questions posed, means that many subjects remain only partially explored. As a result, the book does not always engage deeply with counterarguments, nor does it consistently extend a sense of charitable understanding toward readers who may hold alternative viewpoints. At times, this can make the book feel somewhat one-sided, potentially limiting its ability to draw in sceptical or uncertain readers and invite them into dialogue that appears open to exploring these issues.


[1] Sean McDowell, Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture (B&H Publishing Group, 2020), 54.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a practical and comprehensive guide for youth about sexuality in light of the Bible.
Chapter 1: The Invitation
This chapter introduces the question “How do I seek God and His kingdom in my relationships with other people?”
Chapter 2: Who Will You Trust?
Are we willing to deny ourselves some of the things that culture tells us are good for what God tells us is actually best?
Chapter 3: The Sexual Ethic of Jesus
Jesus embodies a sinless and perfect sexual ethic (that ironically involved no sex, McDowell asserts) and so we are meant to align our lives in the same way.
Chapter 4: Experiencing True Freedom
What does it mean to be truly free? Freedom does not come from “Resisting restraint, but from submitting to the right restraint.” True sexual freedom comes in committed relationships with others in conjunction with God’s design.
Chapter 5: The Freedom of Commitment
Sex is most fulfilling when there is “trust, love, and commitment.” Singleness however also offers a different kind of Biblical freedom that shouldn’t be ignored.
Chapter 6: Understanding Love
A reminder that while there are mandates by God about our sexuality, we need to extend the utmost love and respect towards ourselves and others when falling short of those mandates.
Chapter 7: Honoring God with Your Body and Soul
The question is posed, “How do we best use our bodies to love God and love other people?”
Chapter 8: Distorting God’s Plan for Sex
Since God has created human beings with the amazing ability to create eternal other human beings through sex, Satan will do all he can to distort sex.
Chapter 9: Experiencing God’s Forgiveness
Understand that Jesus truly took all of our sexual sin upon himself on the cross.
Chapter 10: Loving Others with Our Sexuality
We experience the world through our sexuality no matter our marital status (married, single, sexually active, celibate, etc.). We need to be wise with it.
Chapter 11: The Purpose of Sex
Three primary purposes exist: Procreation, Unity, and Foreshadowing Heaven.
Chapter 12: Myth 1: Sex is Not a Big Deal
Sex carries a lot more importance in all aspects of our life than popular culture portrays.
Chapter 13: Myth 2: Sex is Merely a Private Act
While it is usually done in privacy, sex affects us in more than private ways.
Chapter 14: Myth 3: Sexual Intercourse is All That Matters for Purity
Purity is not as much about actions as about an attitude towards loving others with our bodies correctly.
Chapter 15: The Purpose of Singleness
Singleness is just as important a station in life as marriage. It reflects God to the world in a unique way.
Chapter 16: Myth 1: Singleness Means No Family
Family is redefined for the Christian. We are meant to be more than a biological family.
Chapter 17: Myth 2: Singleness is Easy
Singleness is often not easy, but singles are called to look to Christ for their fulfillment (as are married people!)
Chapter 18: Myth 3: Singleness is Too Difficult
While singleness may be difficult, in Christ, it is not too difficult.
Chapter 19: The Purpose of Marriage
Marriage is not about finding your soulmate, contrary to popular culture’s definition. There are many biblical reasons for it.
Chapter 20: Myth 1: Marriage Will Fulfill Your Ultimate Relational Needs
We are not meant to find our ultimate fulfillment in a spouse.
Chapter 21: Marriage Will Get Ride of Your Sin
Marriage is not an answer to end sexual sin. Usually sexual sin that exists before marriage will still be a problem after marriage.
Chapter 22: Married Sex is Boring
A lot of evidence points against this. Nevertheless, the quality of sex is not the point of saving it for marriage.
Chapter 23: Pornography
Pornography can be extremely destructive for marriages and families.
Chapter 24: Cohabitation
This chapter explains why cohabitation can put future marriages at risk for failure.
Chapter 25: Divorce
A biblical examination of what God has to say about divorce.
Chapter 26: Homosexuality
What culture says about homosexuality is contrasted to what scripture says.
Chapter 27: Same-Sex Marriage
1) Sex makes babies, 2) Society needs babies, and 3) Babies need a mom and a dad. Same-sex marriage is not the space for this.
Chapter 28: Transgender
A biblical understanding about the trans* movement and what the Bible speaks about in the issue.
Chapter 29: Sexual Abuse
A discussion of how to view sexual abuse as a Christian and how to respond to those who have been abused.
Chapter 30: You Can Do It!
We have all we need in Christ to live sexually pure and fulfilled.

I found this book to be a thoughtful and wide-reaching exploration of how to view sexuality Biblically, while also being very accessible for younger readers. The practical questions asked at the end of each question gave a great balance of tangible advice that also points to the deeper heart issues accompanying each question.

There is some language in this book and some statements that unintentionally will offend some readers. One example is that McDowell deems certain sexual desires as “natural” and others as “unnatural” (homosexuality, bestiality) I think this is dangerous because while some sex and sexual desire is certain less common, it is still experienced by a small percentage of humans (which, biologically speaking, within the “natural” scope of human sexuality). And for the individual experiencing such desires, it certainly does not seem unnatural, so it may offend them. Phrases such as this could have been ditched and the main message still kept in tact.

Overall, I will be keeping this book on hand for when my children are old enough to engage in discussions on Biblical sexuality.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is little doubt that the culture is extremely confused about sex. Turn on just about any news broadcast or television program, and any number of views about sex, love, and relationships will stream through. This is where Sean McDowell’s book, Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture, offers a clarifying, practical, and biblically grounded understanding of God’s design for human relationships. Written for an audience of students and young adults, McDowell works to help readers navigate the culturally muddied waters of sexuality and relationships to make wiser choices in a culture filled with contradicting and misleading definitions of love and sexual expression. Even more groundbreaking, McDowell’s compassionate, at times matter-of-fact, approach doubles as a valuable guide for not only youth but parents, pastors, and youth influencers struggling to mentor and lead as well.
The book is broken down into three parts. In Part 1, McDowell acknowledges the pressure and confusion young people face in culture regarding sexuality, dating, and identity, and offers a different path by following Jesus’s example, which is God’s standard of love for all human relationships. Perhaps the most compelling rhetorical device in the book is found in Chapter 3, where McDowell challenges the reader to envision a world that adheres to the sexual ethic of Jesus, a concept revisited throughout the book. The list McDowell offers is not exhaustive, but it illustrates a world that, if subscribed to the sexual ethic of Jesus, would be free from a litany of issues related to sexual brokenness, like divorce, pornography, and rape (just to name a few). This small section of the book really demonstrates the need for the argument McDowell is making throughout the rest of this piece by laying out in no uncertain terms the perils young adults face when adopting the sexual ethic of contemporary Western society.
While it is difficult to find many points of criticism within the book, one could argue for more clarity of McDowell’s point that a world that follows the sexual ethic of Jesus would be free of sexually transmitted diseases. He does well to point out the difference between STDs and STIs, sexually transmitted infections, which are the precursors for STDs, and he briefly mentions them again in Chapter 13. Still, one could argue that more context is needed on this topic. McDowell acknowledges that STIs begin as viral or bacterial infections, and that the best way to prevent them is abstinence. The issue is that STIs caused by bacterial infections do not necessarily mean one has been sexually immoral, according to the biblical precedent the book argues for. Matters like hygiene, genetics, or environmental factors can also contribute to the onset of sexually transmitted infections within a relationship that otherwise reflects God’s intended design for human sexuality. As mentioned, McDowell does mention the ripple effects of STDs on culture in Chapter 13, albeit briefly. A remedy to the seemingly minute criticism, then, would be to expand this chapter to explain in further detail the damage STDs cause through the unabated sexual activity of a modern sexual ethic.
In Part 2, McDowell describes what it means to love others with one’s sexuality by laying a biblical foundation in Genesis and then exploring the purpose of sex, singleness, and marriage within a biblical worldview. He accomplishes this by exposing various myths surrounding each topic and explaining why the biblically based definition is the best approach. McDowell explains God’s purpose in creating humanity as male and female in that this binary sexual embodiment is a gift that reflects the image of God in humanity. Marriage, therefore, is the covenantal relationship God designed for sexual intimacy; a space where trust, love, and commitment can flourish. Any sexual activity outside of this context, to include hookup culture, pornography, etc., is a distortion of God’s design and can lead to emotional, spiritual, and relational harm.
Lastly, Part 3 is where the book’s strengths really come to light. McDowell’s ability to tackle tough questions around issues like same-sex attraction, transgenderism, pornography, and cohabitation gives the reader practical insights for navigating such contentious cultural topics. What really stands out is how he approaches these issues without condemnation and with an emphasis on grace, redemption, and forgiveness, all while standing firm on biblical standards and encouraging that God’s commands are for their own good and not meant to be restrictive. From practical dating advice and what to look for in a partner, to the significance of building relationships based on shared values and mutual respect, McDowell weaves in stories, personal reflections, and real-life examples to make the case that following God’s design for love and sexuality is ultimately about human flourishing and joy, not shame or repression. Living within God’s framework leads to relationships that are more meaningful, enduring, and fulfilling. He concludes by challenging his audience to live out the Christ-like picture of love offered in the book, even when it runs counter to contemporary culture, and to see that their pursuit of love is part of God’s larger story of redemption and grace. In sum, Chasing Love is an invaluable guide for anyone navigating love, sex, and relationships in this confusing cultural landscape. It encourages a life of love and sexuality that aligns best with God’s purposes for human relationships and human flourishing.

[Caleb Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chasing love is a fantastic book for Christian leaders or parents. This book overall encompasses every aspect of sex, love and relationships to this day. Backing everything up with biblical principles and walking step by step covering everything including those dealing with gender identity and how we in the church should interact with them biblically rather than in our own understanding. I have fellow youth pastor have great success using this book as literature when teaching a youth class via sexual topics. Highly reccomend

[Sunhee Ha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chasing Love offers a comprehensive and theologically grounded treatment of love, sex, and relationships for teens and young adults navigating a cultural environment marked by deeply distorted definitions of these concepts. Across its thirty concise chapters, the book introduces a wide range of topics central to Christian sexual ethics and human relationships, including freedom, love, the theology of the body, sexuality, recovery, purity, singleness, marriage, pornography, cohabitation, divorce, homosexuality, transgenderism, and sexual abuse.
As an introductory text, the book succeeds in providing an accessible framework for young readers seeking to embody God’s design and cultivate a Bible–centered and holy generation within today’s morally and conceptually confused sexual landscape. The brevity and clarity of each chapter enhance the book’s readability, while its practical and timely engagement with the most pressing issues makes it suitable for a broad audience.
A number of substantial works already exist in this field–most notably Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, Christopher West’s Our Bodies Tell God’s Story, and Katy Faust’s Them Before Us. Yet these texts, while rich, can be overwhelming for younger readers. The particular strength of Chasing Love lies in its ability to distill the core insights of such works into succinct, thematically organized chapters. By treating a wide range of subjects in a coherent and biblically faithful manner, the book enables teens to form a holistic understanding of biblical sexual ethics. For readers interested in deeper study, it serves effectively as a pedagogical springboard.
Another noteworthy feature is the book’s capacity to communicate the Truth with both clarity and compassion. Its grounding in Scripture, its pastoral sensitivity toward youth, and its emphasis on Christian hope – especially the possibility of forgiveness and restoration through Jesus Christ – make it an exemplary resource for a generation marked by confusion, fragmentation, and hurt. Each chapter concludes with probing questions and thoughtfully developed answers that encourage personal reflection and group discussion. The questions are especially well chosen: practical, realistic, and closely aligned with situations young people actually face. Their usefulness for immediate discussion in classrooms, youth groups, or discipleship settings cannot be overstated.
The author’s critique of the contemporary cultural myth that “sex is not a big deal” is timely and incisive. The treatment of purity culture is similarly nuanced, presenting a biblically grounded vision of purity and relational integrity situated within the broader narrative of God’s love. Some readers may find the range of topics extensive or wish for deeper engagement with particular issues. Even so, given the intended audience, the book remains a well–balanced and approachable introduction that avoids overwhelming its readers.
For those seeking to equip teens with a Christian understanding of sexuality within a deeply confusing cultural context, Chasing Love stands out as an excellent first recommendation. The following representative quotations illustrate its clarity and tone:

“The free person is the one who says “yes” to loving God and loving other people as they were meant to be loved. Thus, freedom is not being able to do whatever you want, but cultivating the right wants that allow you to properly love God and other people.”
“…our bodies communicate. This is true for a kiss on the cheek, a slap on the face, a pat on the back, and especially for sex. Sex communicates something profound about trust, vulnerability, and commitment.”
“…sex means something. Physical touch means something. Humans are body and soul.”
“What can people create that lasts the longest?…With God’s power, humans can make something that lasts forever–other human beings…God has created human beings with the capacity to create something that lasts forever–other human beings.”
“God loves you. God is ready to forgive you. God does not look at you as used goods but as His beautiful creation that He yearns to be in relationship with. Scripture promises that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us. Period. Jesus wants you to be free from shame and guilt, which is why He invited those who are heavy laden and weary to come to Him and receive rest. That invitation is to you.”

If more young people were to read this book and develop a biblically grounded sexual ethic, they would be well equipped to play a substantive role in restoring a culture currently suffering under the consequences of distorted views of sexuality.
Moreover, in a cultural moment in which reading itself has become increasingly difficult for many young people, this volume stands out as the single most valuable resource to place in their hands if one hopes to introduce them to this topic at all. It is remarkably accessible, free of unnecessary complexity, and communicates the Truth without a trace of condemnation. It is almost astonishing that such a balance is even possible.
For students who fear they have already stumbled beyond recovery, the book offers a clear and compassionate message of hope – namely, that restoration is possible. It does so by presenting a Biblical vision situated within the larger story of God’s redeeming love, a vision that young people in the contemporary society desperately need.

[Richard Yi · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the past, I read a book titled “Letters from a Skeptic” by Gregory Boyd that was very helpful in my pursuit of understanding Christianity. The reason this book was helpful was because I had a lot of questions. Coming from a totally unchurched background, it presented so many of the questions that I personally resonated with and it went on to present reasonable answers that was understandable for someone not already familiar with the basic tenets of Christianity. I think what Sean McDowell does in this book was reminiscent of the experience I had in reading “Letter from a Skeptic.” The chapters are broken up in small quick hitting responses to questions that I find myself having or have heard asked many times over. The answers are reasonable and simply stated. I think Sean’s experience in teaching high school students and helping them to articulate their own answers really comes through in this book.

I think one of the most important things covered in the early part of the book is the chapter titled, “Who Will You Trust?” I found this to be profound on many levels. We live in a period where there is unprecedented access to information through the internet. The traditional sources of authority have been replaced by anyone with a viewpoint and enough popularity. It’s hard to decipher truths because of the post-modern world that says there is no absolute truth. So, the question about trust is of utmost importance. And as pointed out in this book, this has been humanities issue from the beginning. In the Garden of Eden, God presents that question in the form of the forbidden fruit. In its essence, it’s an issue of will you trust God or will you trust yourself. Will you follow God’s plan for how you should live your life, or will you decide what is best for yourself. This has ramifications into every area of our lives, including our decisions regarding sex, love, and relationships.

Something that I wasn’t really expecting to see in a book about love, sex, and relationships is the purpose of singleness. That was definitely intriguing and surprisingly refreshing to see. In our highly romanticized culture, singleness is seen more as a consolation rather than achievement. It’s a state that you don’t want to be in, with the preferred result being in some kind of relationship. But the book presents singleness not as some default state that needs to be moved out of, but to give it a sense of mission and purpose by recognizing that there is much that you can do to serve God as a single and it’s something you need to be comfortable with because before and after marriage you are single. Rarely do spouses die at the same time, so you will have to deal with being single in your life. It makes sense that don’t waste your singleness pining for a time when you’re not single to serve God.
I think the section on marriage is valuable for everyone to heed. One misconception about marriage is the “happily ever after” message that so many grow up with watching Disney fairy tales, but the reality is that marriage is not easy, and it takes work. I think so many people need this dose of reality so that they will not be disillusioned and think that any struggles that they have in marriage is because they haven’t found the right person. Sean grounds his reason for marriage as God’s design to portray God’s love for the church, his character, and for the flourishing of children and society. It expands on the narrative that marriage is primarily for the happiness of the couple and includes family and society. I think one way that this could’ve gone further is to develop also the church’s involvement in everything from the dating relationship to marriage and child rearing. Another facet of marriage that gets missed in the western culture is the idea that we are more than just our nuclear families and that the church plays a larger part in the lives of families.

Finally, Sean addresses one of the hot-button topics of our generation, same-sex marriage. I believe Sean address this issue a lot more thoroughly in his other book, “Same-sex Marriage” along with John Stonestreet, but like I referenced at the beginning of this review, it’s a quick hitting response to a lot of questions without assuming a Christian background. He writes, “Since God has built natural marriage into the fabric of reality, we can make a reasonable case for the biblical view without relying upon Scripture.” (p.171) And those reasons are, “1) Sex makes babies, 2) Society needs babies, and 3) Babies need a mom and a dad.” (p.175). I think those are compelling reasons to advocate for the biblical view of marriage, at least from a 40,000 feet level. I would definitely recommend this book to everyone who is interested in learning more about how to think about these topics from a Christian perspective. There are also, peppered throughout this book, all kinds of questions regarding sex, love, and relationships which I found at minimum interesting and at times very helpful.

[Lisa Rometti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Sean McDowell’s Chasing Love: Sex, Love and Relationships in a Confused Culture was published in 2020 by B&H Publishing Group and is 208 pages. He writes this book to help answer the question of “what it means to love God and others with our sexuality and in our relationships in the unique cultural moment we find ourselves.”[1] McDowell serves as associate professor of Christian Apologetics at Talbot School of Theology, Biola University. As a notable speaker and author, Dr. McDowell has a passion for equipping Christians to defend their faith to others.
According to the author, this book seeks to answer the question of how Christ followers can “seek God and His kingdom” in their relationships.[2] The goal is for the reader to understand how sexual choices affect future outcomes for their life, and those choices should not be deferred but must be made now.[3] Offering a comprehensive overview, this book is geared toward high schoolers and young adults, written in more personal tone. This would be a good book for a youth Bible study offering thoughtful questions while maintaining Biblical theological reasoning. It is not an academic work.
McDowell has broken the book into three parts to support his theme. The first part lays out God’s Biblical foundation for sexuality. The second part specifically speaks into God’s purpose for sexuality. Lastly, part three addresses current sexual issues that one may encounter in Western society.
Part one lays out the Biblical theological foundation for a God focused view on sexuality. The author covers the basic principles of what the Bible says about sex and why God calls the believer to purity. McDowell addresses issues of trusting God, what Biblical love is, and embracing the freedom of living by God’s ethics. Central to Biblically loving others, the author holds “that love involves a commitment to the good of another, to protect and provide for that person, even if they don’t accept it.”[4]
Part two talks specifically about the Biblical purpose of sex and myths that one can encounter. McDowell explains the Genesis creation account and the significance biological sex and procreation play in God’s command for filling the earth and his plan for Kingdom restoration through the birth of Jesus. The Biblical context for singleness and marriage, along with common excuses to why one or the other is better than the other, is talked about. He explains that a distortion of sex is often due to the nature of the human heart, to be known, as we crave love and connection. [5]
Part three addresses Biblical distortions of Biblical sexuality. Topics such as pornography, same-sex marriage, and divorce are covered with simple explanations that do not go into deep apologetic detail that might overwhelm someone without a huge theological background. He gives realistic examples and advice on how to lovingly be in relationship with those who have different views on sexuality that is relatable and easy to apply to what one may encounter. A caution should be noted as there is a chapter on sexual abuse that could be triggering to some readers.
This book is leans toward high school students who have some working Biblical knowledge. It reads more of a short overview of topics for a new believer in Christ for Biblical sexual foundations. Having given both my teenagers this book to read, they felt that it gave them insight and wasn’t too much theologically for them to handle. The questions asked in the book helped them to think about the topics presented in a different way, challenging their worldview while encouraging them to understand why they believe what they believe. I was reminded that simplicity in approach is more impactful sometimes for the younger mind.
This book felt like it read from a normative two parent Christian household. For example, McDowell uses his children trusting him as a father and relates that to how we can trust God as our Father. This is a beautiful example of how God intended trust to be built. A lot of youth come from living in a non-traditional household where either a father figure is absent or can’t be trusted. While I don’t think the author intended to exclude or overlook those realities, I think this book could be strengthened by including a more trauma-informed lens to address systemic inequalities and the complex realities many youth face. This approach could broaden its reach while deepening the relevance to those who have a wider range of backgrounds and experiences.

[1] McDowell, Sean, Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture (B&H Pub. Group, 2020), 7.
[2] McDowell, Sean, Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture, 7.
[3] McDowell, Sean, Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture, 6.
[4] McDowell, Sean, Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture, 41.
[5] McDowell, Sean, Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture, 81.

[Jim Crookes · Rating 5 out of 5]

If young Christians are to survive and flourish in this culture, it is not enough to tell them what to believe. They must come to understand why they believe what they believe. Like no other generation before them, Gen Z listens to multiple authoritative voices on their smartphones and social media platforms. Those voices often make Biblical values seem wildly implausible. So the Christian Church must help its upcoming generation to grasp the goodness, beauty, and rationality of the Bible’s ethics. In particular, the Bible’s sexual ethic, and its view of love and relationships, must be explained and defended.

Chasing Love, by Sean McDowell, presents the Bible’s view of sex, love, and relationships in an accessible and winsome manner. The author clearly understands the social pressures, and the pastoral problems, that Gen Z experience in this department of life. Crucially, McDowell avoids the risk of writing a manual of rules; his treatment of each topic is theologically grounded. So this is no superficial guide book full of worthy opinions. The conclusions he reaches emerge authentically from a coherent understanding of the Christian Gospel.

The book’s foundation is laid in its early chapters. McDowell grounds the commands of God in the character of God - a good and loving Father who has our best interests at heart. (As all experienced pastors know, any framework for sex and love which bypasses this foundation will inevitably collapse into a cycle of guilt and shame). The second foundational issue that the book addresses is the nature of freedom. Autonomy – the radical notion of freedom that contemporary culture has embraced – is the freedom to do whatever I want to do, and to be whatever I want to be. McDowell shows the incoherence of this fashionable view of freedom, and makes a persuasive case for Biblical freedom, which he defines as freedom from being enslaved to base desires, and freedom for the purpose we were created to pursue.

Having laid his foundation, the author then asks the core question: what is love? He defines it as willing the good of the other by protecting them and providing for them. The commitment to protect and provide that is the essence of love makes sense of the marriage covenant. And it provides the lens through which the question of how to honour God with our bodies and souls is best viewed. As unified persons, we cannot separate soul from body, and treat the body the way a car driver might treat his vehicle. We are now, and will be for eternity, embodied persons, so how we treat the body is a substantial issue.

In Part 2 of the book, McDowell examines the common myths that surround sex, singleness, and marriage. The widely-held views that sex is not a big deal, that it is a purely private matter, and that penetrative sex is the only boundary given to unmarried Christians, are contrasted with the sanity and beauty of the Bible’s design plan for sex. The chapters on singleness are handled with great sensitivity and are full of pastoral wisdom. The final chapters on marriage correct the overly Romantic view that marriage to a soul mate will be the source of ultimate meaning in life. No human relationship can bear the weight of ultimate purpose.
The final section of the book deals with practical issues such as pornography, cohabitation, and divorce. McDowell cites scientific and social research to make the case that pornography inflicts lasting damage, and that cohabitation before marriage increases the risk of a later divorce.

One welcome feature of the book is its focus on the possibility of forgiveness and restoration in the aftermath of sexual sin. Sexual sin has an almost unique ability to cause a genuine believer to collapse into a pit of shame and guilt. McDowell faithfully sets out the offer of grace made possible by Jesus’ sacrificial death, and he explains how that death can deal with both shame and guilt. A helpful addition to this section would have been a discussion about the problem of recurring cycles of failure, because sexual sin (especially pornography use) can become habitual. Young Christians can become disillusioned and hopeless in the face of repeated failure, so a more comprehensive treatment of what might be called ‘the long war’ against habitual sin would have been helpful.

As a pastor who has spent decades ministering to young Christian adults, I recommend this book without hesitation or caveat. It provides a thoroughly Biblical, but also a rational and winsome, case for Christianity’s view of love, sex, and relationships. Those who read it will learn why the Bible’s sexual ethic is good, beautiful, and true. Christian readers will know why they believe what they believe.

[David Sirois · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chasing Love is a good book for teens and parents to jump-start a conversation about sex, love, and relationships in today’s culture. Although some might see the shortness of the chapters as a negative, any complete discussion about each topic would have made this book a thousand pages long. By being short and to the point, it keeps the reader alert since it is quick and easy to read. Nonetheless, more in-depth information, in some chapters, would have brought added value to the discussion. Maybe McDowell could release a two-volume set where he would dig deeper, especially on part three. Overall, this book portrays God’s plan for sexual ethics and is done charitably. As he puts it in his first chapter, are humans to live a pleasure-centered life (self-fulfillment) or a God-focused life? He, then, explores various aspects and issues of sexual ethics with the latter view in mind. One interesting feature in his book is the question asked at the end of each chapter. In those sections, he asks “though” questions that many teenagers have but which are traditionally not discussed, either at home or the church. Don’t expect, however, a lengthy response comparing various views—the space is limited—so he provides his short and direct opinion. The book is structured in three parts. The first part lays the foundation of sexual ethic from a Christian worldview. The second part looks at sex, singleness, and marriage while responding to some myths vehiculated by a secular society. The last part looks at various sexual issues in our contemporary world, like pornography, cohabitation, divorce, LGBTQ, and sexual abuse.

In his first nine chapters, McDowell explains how the love of God should impact our sexuality and relationships with others. He affirms that sexual freedom is found in commitment and faithfulness. Moreover, God’s commands about sexual activity and relationships are objectively good for human flourishing. Since we are made of a body and a soul, sexual activity has an impact on both. God, consequently, is inviting us to honor him through our bodies and our soul. People must be aware of the deception found in today’s world that puts sexuality as the pinnacle of human existence, while the Bible affirms it is doing God’s plan—as the creator who knows what is best for his creation. McDowell is not saying that sex is not good, on the contrary, but must be looked at and done in light of God’s plan. He ends the first part by inviting people, charitably, to seek grace and forgiveness that begins the journey towards true freedom.

In the second part, McDowell asserts that sex matters and is not merely an activity dependent on relative feelings. Instead, the purposes of sex are procreation, unity, and eschatological in meaning. He, then, moves to the purpose of singleness as portrayed in the Bible. Here, McDowell asserts that both the secular world and some churches are wrong in offering a false dichotomy to the celibates. One can be celibate and have a purpose—Jesus being the greatest example to follow. Moreover, both marriage and singleness are equal gifts for the church, and both foreshadow heaven. As for marriage, McDowell reminds the reader, through seven important insights about the nature of marriage, that it is not about how you feel but to “portray God’s relational character.”

Finally, the last part of his book briefly examines several sexual issues within our society. First, he shows how pornography harms people both the user and the one being the object of pornography. Second, he affirms that cohabitation can jeopardize a successful marriage and is not a promise of success, as shown by studies. Third, McDowell advices couples to take their time and seek counsel before getting married because divorce is not part of God’s plan. Fourth, since “God designed sex to be experienced between one man and one woman in marriage,” therefore, homosexual behavior is against God’s design. However, this does not mean someone cannot have a relationship with God while having same-sex attraction. Equally, because marriage and sex are meant to will children, then same-sex marriage would be against God’s design. Sixth, McDowell explains how our society and the church should not define gender boxes too rigidly while remembering that God created humans as “intrinsically sexed beings.” The transgender discussion should be done with compassion and in truth. Finally, he points out that Christians should support and bring dignity to those who have suffered sexual abuse. In a society that projects others as sexual objects, Christians must follow the sexual ethic of Jesus.

[Lael Senanayake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Summary
Chasing Love by Dr. Sean McDowell is a practical guide for young people navigating questions about love, sex, and relationships from a Christian perspective. The book is divided into thirty short chapters grouped into three sections: Foundations, Practical Issues, and Cultural Challenges. Dr. McDowell begins by laying a theological foundation for sexuality rooted in God's character and design. He then addresses practical concerns such as singleness, marriage, and myths about sex, before tackling cultural issues like pornography, cohabitation, LGBTQ questions, and sexual abuse. The central message is clear: relationships and sexuality flourish when aligned with God's design—loving God, loving others, and pursuing holiness.
Strengths
One of the book's greatest strengths is its biblical grounding and teleological approach. Dr. McDowell consistently ties his arguments to Scripture by showing that God's commands flow from His goodness and desire for human flourishing, not through arbitrary rules. He frames sexuality as purposeful—designed for procreation, unity, and intimacy that reflects God's covenant love. This theological depth gives readers confidence that the guidance is rooted in timeless truth rather than cultural trends. Dr. McDowell correctly points out that understanding God's design helps us see why sexual ethics matter—not because God wants to restrict our freedom, but because He created sexuality with specific purposes that align with human thriving.
Another strength is its practical application. Dr. McDowell doesn't shy away from real-life issues young people face today. He discusses dating, singleness, marriage, pornography, LGBTQ questions, and sexual abuse—topics that demand honest engagement rather than evasion. Each chapter ends with discussion questions by making the book ideal for personal reflection or group study. The advice is clear, actionable, and sensitive to the struggles readers encounter in a culture that contradicts biblical teaching. Dr. McDowell engages contemporary challenges rather than retreating into abstract theology, which strengthens the book's credibility and usefulness.
The book also demonstrates a commendable balance between truth and grace. Dr. McDowell offers hope and forgiveness for those who have made mistakes by emphasizing that sexual sin, while serious, is not beyond God's redemption. This pastoral approach makes the book accessible and encouraging rather than judgmental. He avoids either minimizing sin or crushing readers under condemnation—a balance that's difficult to maintain but essential for ministry to young people navigating both their own failures and a sexually chaotic culture.
Finally, the writing style is engaging and relatable. Dr. McDowell uses stories, analogies, and cultural references such as The Matrix and piano practice to illustrate complex ideas in ways that resonate with young readers. These creative examples help readers see why God's design for sexuality is not restrictive but life-giving. The analogies connect abstract principles to concrete experiences, making theological concepts accessible without dumbing them down.
Criticisms and Suggestions
Chasing Love is an excellent resource although it has some limitations. Many examples and cultural references are drawn from a U.S. context, which may feel less relevant to readers in other parts of the world like myself in Sri Lanka. The book could benefit from incorporating perspectives from diverse cultures or more scientific research to strengthen its arguments and broaden its appeal. Given that sexuality and relationships have both universal and culturally-specific dimensions, a more global perspective would enhance the book's applicability. Some readers may also find certain themes—such as freedom and commitment—repeated across multiple chapters.
Recommendation
In conclusion, Chasing Love is a valuable resource for teens, young adults, youth leaders, and parents seeking to understand and teach a biblical view of sexuality. It's clear, practical, and culturally aware while remaining deeply rooted in Scripture. If you're looking for a book that combines theological depth with real-world application and a compassionate tone, this is an excellent choice. The book not only informs the mind but also challenges the heart to pursue God's design for love and relationships. In an age where confusion about sexuality abounds, Dr. Sean McDowell provides a biblically faithful and pastorally wise guide that equips young Christians to think clearly and live faithfully in this crucial area of life.

[Stephen Sun · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chasing Love is overall an excellent and thoughtful book, and a welcome, refreshed take on encouraging the younger generation to stay sexually pure and to give them good Biblical and intellectual reasons to do so. McDowell’s format is definitely innovative and geared towards the younger reader, with short, memorable chapters, each of which has a difficult question about sex or marriage answered at the end. Overall, McDowell’s aim is to establish that a commitment to purity should come out of a person’s relationship with God. Because we have an
McDowell breaks his book up into 3 main parts. In the first part, he develops his Biblical sexual ethic, exploring what the Bible says about how God wants us to live out our sexuality. The second part focuses on sex and marriage, describing in detail what they are for, and debunking myths that many people have around those topics. The third and final part touches on a swath of tough issues related to sexuality that we run into in our world today, such as homosexuality, trans*, pornography, and more.
I found McDowell’s approach to be unique and interesting. Most of the books on purity I’ve read came from the Purity Culture days, who sought to really paint a picture of sex in marriage that is uniquely satisfying and worth waiting for. McDowell starts by going to God’s word and first answering the question of “Who is God?” By answering that question, and by establishing God as a truly good and perfect Father, who has the best for his precious child in mind, then he can approach the conversation about the Biblical stance on sex not as simply another prohibition, but he brings the reader along in understanding God’s true heart in setting these boundaries. That they are truly good commands, and they are designed for our thriving, not to oppress or to control us. Instead, by living within God’s commands, by choosing to limit your freedoms to obey God and trust what He says is true, one gets to experience true freedom. Freedom he argues, is not being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. True freedom is “cultivating the right ants that allow you to properly love God and other people.” (25) The free person is able to choose.
Part two then moves on to specifically engaging with sex and marriage, as well as the topic of singleness. In his opening chapter on the purpose of sex, I appreciated that McDowell gives his points about what he believes the purpose of it to be without coming out the gates with condemnation or prohibitive statements. I think his approach has power to it, that by setting up the Bible’s very high view of sex, that becomes the standard by which we approach situations where sex is an option. Then through the next few chapters where he discusses myths around sex, he is able to respond to these myths and point out the low views of sex that the world often has, and he can continue to discourage immoral behavior by focusing on highlighting the very high view of sex God has. He does similar things with marriage, and with the topic of singleness. I think his incorporation of the topic of singleness is extremely important as the church has in my opinion often over-emphasized marriage without really holding up the benefits of being single. Especially with many who struggle with being LGBTQ+ but want to be a part of the church, I think that can produce a false dichotomy that they are thus forced to live a somber life of being single in the church. But the church is meant to be a fulfillment of the love and total commitment that many people seem to exclusively search for in marriage.
McDowell’s final part is a high-level approach to many difficult topics around sexuality. Those looking for exhaustive answers will definitely not be satisfied with a survey-like approach to so many issues. But I think he provides a fair approach without condemning and focusing on how God’s vision for people through his word is very high.
If I had to offer a criticism, I think the brevity of McDowell’s chapters and explanations can at times feel a little un-empathetic. It almost comes across as, “this is what the Bible says, this is what the data says, so you should do it.” I felt that especially in the chapter on Cohabitation. I think it’s the limitation of trying to simply communicate ideas, and I appreciated the advice he gives to open up to others about these struggles or questions, because I think it’s really through community, having the support of peers and wisdom of elders, that purity can be pursued.

[Steve Varughese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sean McDowell’s Chasing Love addresses sexuality, relational ethics, and human identity through a distinctly Christ-centered lens. Throughout the book, McDowell argues that Christian sexual morality is not restrictive or arbitrary but instead leads to genuine human flourishing. The focus of his argument is that Jesus’ vision for sex, rooted in covenantal love, mutual respect, and self-giving, will provide a more life-giving path than the individualistic and pleasure-centric sexual narratives of current culture. This places sexual morality as something intended to elevate rather than suppress the human experience.
At the beginning of the book, McDowell sets the stage by acknowledging that our culture has drastically shifted away from biblical conceptions of sex, identity, and love. He provides strong directives for navigating this new cultural climate and includes very practical “How-to” sections at the end of each chapter. These blurbs answer real-life questions many young people face today, such as:
“How do I deal with someone pressuring me to have sex?”
“When am I ready to say, ‘I love you’?”
“How do I stay sexually pure on a date?”
“How do I know if someone loves me?”
These pastoral notes are great for an impressionable and inquisitive young Christian as well as those looking to articulate their thoughts.
In Chapter 3, in my opinion the thematic heart of the book, McDowell paints a compelling picture of what society would look like if sexual ethics aligned with Christ’s teaching: a world without exploitation, abuse, objectification, broken families, or relational betrayal. Rather than imposing moral restriction for its own sake, Jesus’ sexual ethic safeguards personal dignity and strengthens trust relationally.
In Chapter 8, he reinforces the sacred nature of sex by looking at how Satan corrupts what God designed for good: twisting it into obsession, exploitation, and alienation. By first grounding sexuality in Christ’s intention and then contrasting it with distorted usage, the book demonstrates both the beauty of God’s design and the gravity of its misuse.
McDowell further addresses singleness, marriage, relational expectations, pornography, cohabitation, and the now popular gender identity discussions. The tone throughout is compassionate rather than condemning, emphasizing forgiveness and restoration in Christ, particularly for readers who carry sexual shame or regret. The book is clearly aimed at Christians in high school, college, or early adulthood. It is also good for the average church-goer who rarely hears these topics spoken from most pulpits today.
One of the quotes I liked in the book comes from chapter 3, “God has placed right and wrong on the human heart (Romans 2:14–16). In other words, you know right and wrong because you are a moral being living in a moral universe.” This statement powerfully resonates with me because it affirms that sexual morality is grounded not merely in religious instruction or customs but in human nature itself. Our conscience recognizes what honors or violates the dignity of others. This insight supports the Christian claim that sexuality must be oriented toward love that is self-giving rather than self-centered. It also reinforces the idea that ethics are not subjective, they are rooted in the reality of God’s created design and our identity as bearers of His image.
While Chasing Love succeeds pastorally and devotionally, there are a few aspects that limited its depth for me personally. The argumentation draws almost exclusively from Christian thought and Scripture, with very little engagement with secular psychology, or scientific research. For readers who desire apologetic persuasion beyond Christian beliefs, this may feel insufficient. In Chapter 15, McDowell writes that “many marriages end in divorce.” Although statistically true, this can unintentionally cast a shadow over Christian marriages by emphasizing the discouraging reality rather than the hope, resilience, and fidelity of Christ-centered marriages. It momentarily left me feeling, “If many fail, what’s the point of trying?” Also, toward the end of the book, some chapters feel slightly repetitive, and one illustrative story seemed to be reused between Chapters 21 and 23. This creates minor redundancies that dilute the impact of the narrative. Nonetheless, none of these critiques diminish the book’s overall value.

[Anson]

Overall, this book by Sean McDowell was a good one certainly to better understand culture and how it intersects with these three subjects and much more. The topics covered are numerous and all good ones. The topics that stood out to me that I appreciated more clarity on would be the example of Jesus sex ethic, understanding love, distorting God’s plan for sex in part one of the book. In part two of the book, topics that stood out to me were the purpose of sex, sex is not a big deal, the purpose of singleness, the purpose of marriage, marriage will fulfill your ultimate relational needs, and more on married topics. In part three, the heavier topics were certainly addressed with pornography, cohabitation, divorce, homosexuality, same sex marriage, transgender, and much more.
In part one, the thoughtfulness that went into these topics was appreciated. One of the thought-provoking topics in this section was about the sexual ethic of Jesus. It was a topic that I certainly had not thought till it was broached in this book. Upon further review, it was a good reminder that Jesus’s ethic is that standard for joy because he was the one who designed it all. The review of what love is also was very thought provoking as we are given a definition from culture of what love is and then there’s God’s definition on love. (Chapter 6 of book) In Chapter 8, there was a good section on the distorted view we now have of sex which was not part of God’s plans for us. This section was very eye opening for me as it confirms much of thoughts that I did have around sex as culture would want us to believe. Finally, part one ends with a tremendous chapter on God’s forgiveness which truly is the medicine for many of our ills as individuals and society. The ability to understand that God truly throws your sins as far as the east is to the west and he sees us through the lens of Jesus, truly is life giving in these days when many have lost hope and having given themselves over to despair.
In part two of the book, the author starts with loving others with our sexuality as well what the purpose of sex is which are great topics for all to know. After that he goes into the various myths that society would like us to accept about sex which ultimately leads to more hopelessness and despair. The myths include – sex is not a big deal, sex is merely a private act, sexual intercourse is all that matters for purity, singleness means no family, singleness is not easy, singleness is too difficult, marriage will fulfill your ultimate relational needs, marriage will get rid of your sins, and finally married sex is boring. All these topics are tremendous on their own, but the author presents further groundbreaking information on each topic that really exposes the evil behind each topic. The tilting of ones built in perspective of a lifetime of living in general American society (at least for me) was the value in learning the biblical perspective on all of these topics. The opportunity to really throw the bad ideas that have been drilled into us on all these topics on their heads is really where the value is in reading this book especially in part two.
In part three of the book, the author does some very hard hitting topics as I mentioned earlier and this was much needed for this reader and truly got me engaged with the book. The delicate yet truthful handling of these sensitive topics in culture was very well thought out with great real-life examples under most topics. The one criticism that I would place on the book is that there would be even more context about real life situations with real life biblical solutions as per most topics. That being said, taking on topics like pornography, cohabitation, divorce, homosexuality, same sex marriage, sexual abuse, and ending on a positive note that living a life that honors God in all these areas was a tremendous task, but it was all done thoughtfully, in depth, and without tremendous offense for any and all read. I highly recommend this book to anyone regardless of their worldview that are looking to change their lives in any of the areas mentioned throughout this review.

[Stephanie Huang · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just asked my 16-year-old daughter, what do GenZers think of virginity? She crinkled up her forehead and said, “What do you mean? If you are still a virgin, then you are lame.” Chasing Love by Sean McDowell speaks into the post-Christian stoic social media-driven Generation Z. Sean McDowell jumps right into “what does it mean to be truly free?” Being a mother of two teenagers who have had smart phones for over six years, I have had difficulty in restraining their freedom in watching YouTube shorts and other social media on the Internet. Freedom is addressed in an important and intelligent way in Chapter 4, “freedom comes not from resisting restraint, but from submitting to the right restraint.” The author continues to explain why boundaries are necessary for true freedom. This is the part that helped me explain to my own children: “living without boundaries enslaves us to the hunger of greed.” And I would add that it enslaves us to lust, drunkenness, slovenliness, messiness, and lack of purpose.
Sean McDowell shares how his own father taught him about love. He defines love Biblically with Eph 5:25-29, Paul’s call for husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church.” Practically speaking, Dr. McDowell spends the time educating the reader on love and expounds on what it means to nourish and to cherish. For me, married to my husband for 20 years, it is easy to get stuck in the rut of daily life and no longer actively nurture and cherish my husband. I confess that it is easy to take him for granted, so this book was the medicine that I needed. Reminder that this is how God loves each of us, “God is committed to our good -whether or not we recognize that it’s our good He’s after.” (p. 39).
It is easy to tell our children to not have sex before marriage, but this book spells out the “why.” This generation has lost the value of a soul, with respect to sex. Sex in the secular world has been minimized to just a physical exercise. The author quotes Jeremy Pettitt “Sex is the most powerful creative act in the universe. When a man and a woman come together in a sexual relationship, the possibility of creating an external soul/spirit arises. At the moment of conception, a new immortal soul/spirit has entered into eternity.” Pause. I never thought of that, and I am 50 years old. This was something that I had to chew on and really think about. What is wonderful about this book is that it provides resources for people who are already pregnant and don’t know where to turn. The author provides recommendations. (p. 59)
Cohabitation is mainstream common society living now. The world chalks it up to saving money in order to live in convenience. We use these excuses to disobey God. How could I even convince my own children to not cohabitate when I did it myself. Chasing Love gives statistics to defend why God’s rules were created for our good. True statement: “Couples with cohabiting experience are between 50 and 80 percent more likely to divorce than couples with no such experience.” Chapter 24 provides a wealth of research indicating that harm in cohabitation to both the couples and children (p. 148).
Transgenderism as Sean McDowell writes “is an ideology that aims to transform cultural understandings of sex and gender.” (p. 181) It has taken over social media and public school education like a tsunami. Heated debates have been seen on social media between parents and various school boards who allow transgender females into female bathrooms. Chasing Love is calling us to compassion and not with a moral sledgehammer. I was grateful of the scripture that Dr. McDowell points to Gen. 1:27 where God made us humans in His image as male and female. Deut 22:5 addresses women wearing men’s garments and vice versa. Part 3 was my favorite because this is the part that I can read to my teenagers. I hope to discuss each topic: Pornography, Cohabitation, Divorce, Homosexuality, Same-sex Marriage, Transgender, and Sexual Abuse with my teenagers in depth with the help of this invaluable took. As a Jesus-loving mom, I am so grateful that Sean McDowell wrote this resource. This is such an indispensable book.

[Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a Christian parent of a teenage boy and girl, Chasing Love: Sex, Love and Relationships in a Confused Culture, by Sean McDowell, was a timely read. He explores a wide range of sexual topics (sex, singleness, pornography, homosexuality, etc.) that plague Christian youth, and offers a sound pastoral and theological response to each of them. His responses are rooted in biblical truths, the love of Jesus Christ, and can be used in a ministry, counseling, or academic setting. His firm yet gentle approach makes the book a perfect balance of grace and truth. He is also careful at the end of every chapter to ensure that he addresses struggles that youth often face regarding pressure to have sex, how to manage guilt and shame after sexual contact has occurred, pregnancy, and gender pronouns, etc. Because of this balanced approach, this book can be used in a variety of settings, such as church, therapeutic, and educational settings.
The book begins by juxtaposing the message of Christ with the message of the world. McDowell states, “The world tells you to live for yourself; Jesus says to die to yourself. The world says to do whatever you want; Jesus says to cultivate the right wants. The world says to love yourself; Jesus says to love others as you love yourself. The world disregards truth: Jesus claims that truth is found only through knowing and following him.” This sets an essential framework for the rest of the book and prepares the reader to expect a countercultural perspective regarding sex, love, and relationships. He emphasizes that there is a way to approach love, sex, and relationships from a worldly perspective, but the right perspective is God’s perspective. He walks the reader through Satan’s distortion of God’s plan for sex and clarifies that the purpose of sex is procreation, unity, and to foreshadow heaven. This theological framework helps the reader understand what Scripture teaches and why it teaches it.
A critical takeaway from the book is the understanding of why God places boundaries around sex. Many people believe that the boundaries placed around pleasure make God uptight and restrictive; however, McDowell makes it clear that “God’s commands about sex are meant to protect us from harm and provide for our good.” While he is careful to underscore that there is grace and forgiveness for those who have committed sexual sin, he doesn’t water down the gospel message, and he calls the reader to be holy and to respect their body as a temple of the Lord.
Another essential component of the book is the exploration of various myths that exist within our culture regarding sex. He exposes myths such as “sex is not a big deal,” “sexual intercourse is all that matters for purity,” “marriage sex is boring,” etc. Worldly myths are important to counteract because the world views the Christian perspective on sex in a negative light. Exploring and counteracting these myths is effective for teens and young adults who are often bombarded with misleading information regarding the sanctity of sex from friends, social media, and various media platforms.
All in all, the book is a good primer for use in various Christian settings to help teens, young adults, and/or new believers understand God’s way and perspective on sex in a broken world. Ironically, its greatest strength reveals its primary limitation. For readers with an intermediate or advanced understanding of biblical sexual ethics or theology, the content might feel basic and introductory. Nevertheless, the book is suitable for its intended audience because it makes serious theological issues palatable; however, it lacks deep theological engagement. The topics presented in the book function more as overviews than substantive explorations. For example, more complicated issues such as homosexuality, same sex marriage, and Transgenderism are summarized rather than analyzed in depth. Consequently, those with greater spiritual maturity may be alienated from the book; however, those with a formative level of spiritual maturity will benefit greatly from reading it. It is a worthwhile and impactful resource.

[Tee Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chasing Love pulls no punches, getting straight to business when it comes to love. Challenging multiple perspectives in the areas of sex, love and relationships, author Sean McDowell brings us face-to-face with the sexual ethic of Jesus. And, no topic is spared – masturbation, oral sex, same-sex intercourse, bestiality, and even cybersex. Moreover, progressive sexual dilemmas are treated throughout the book such as sex with robots. What would Jesus say about all these topics? What did He say about them? Answers to these questions and more are contained in this little red book with a big golden message – give your lives, even your sexual life, to a greater cause. He asks point-blank, “Will we choose a pleasure-centered life focused on self-fulfillment, or will we give our lives away for a greater cause?”

Know that this book is not for the faint of heart; for, it takes courage to question the cultural narrative and stand with Jesus as it pertains to our bodies. Yet, as McDowell points out, they actually are not our bodies; they are Jesus’, as he purchased them with His blood on Calvary. Standing in solidarity with 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, he builds on that solid and timeless foundation Christ laid, clearly presenting the arguments and truth of Jesus’ views on sex, love, and relationships while ensuring everything is backed with exhaustively researched and academically interpretated scripture. The journey he takes readers on is one of reason and authenticity, never judgmental but always loving and compassionate. Emphasizing forgiveness and mercy, McDowell’s tone demands and delivers compassion for and understanding of our neighbors, friends, and family from all walks of life and at any and all points of their sexual journeys, be them single or married.

While busting myths and extending both hands to the sexually abused and confused, McDowell astutely defines freedom and outlines the purpose of sex as well as singleness and marriage. Pornography, cohabitation, divorce, and more are met head-on with the love and grace of God, embracing not only the biblical aspect of these issues but also the personal aspect. For, we are personal beings. He even shares a compelling story in which that fact was, at one time, lost on him (155); an experience that transformed his approach in the area of sexual ethics. His vulnerability, transparency, and humility will prove refreshing to readers while challenging them to also be more sensitive to others’ situations and pain.

He does, however, fail to address sexual encounters with aliens and demon spirits, namely succubus and incubus; an encounter few openly admit to having and undoubtedly find minimal reading material on, at least from a Christian perspective. I would have liked to have seen a section on these experiences along with pertinent helpful scriptures. Yet, apart from such otherworldly sexual topics, the book is pleasantly comprehensive and true to scholarly Christian study on a host of sexual matters.

So, if you are courageous enough to consider a view other than your own, abandon sexual practices that have left you feeling abandoned as well as used and taken advantage of, or to conform your way of thinking to the Jesus you profess, then this book is looking for you. Stop hiding. And, stop chasing a pseudo-sexual destiny. You are a sexual being, God has a sexual plan for your life, and the world groans for you to step into your true sexual destiny. So, rip off those Adam-and-Eve fig leaves and meet the sexual you that you are meant to be! Live the sexual ethic Jesus endorsed. Love His sexual plan for your life. Laugh with delight at your sexual future; for, God has not forgotten you. McDowell reminds his readers of this, dropping breadcrumbs of wisdom to guide them every step of the way. Chasing Love. Get your copy today!

[Karson Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

If there is anything the current culture seems to be very concerned about, it is sex and relationships, especially concerning LGBTQ issues. In addition to this, the whole of modern culture seems to be obsessed with love and relationships with others, starting with the movies adults and children alike watch and the music that plays on the radio. McDowell dives headfirst into this controversial topic with great care and a strong Biblical perspective.
This book starts by allowing us to ponder how our relationships should be approached with a biblical perspective. This is first done by breaking down how God's word is so different from what the world tells us. The two stand in stark contrast with each other. In this first section, it is presented that there is a certain type of freedom found in submitting to God. While many would argue freedom is doing whatever you want, McDowell presents a very different approach to human sexual ethics. The sexual ethics presented in the Bible are extremely different from our current culture's view. This first section of the book also presents the fallen nature of man and how many Christians have fallen into sexual sin. No one is alone in this fallen state or in temptation. All have fallen short of the standard set by the life of Christ. The main idea of this section is to highlight our sin issue, Christ's perfection, and contrast God's plan to the dysfunction of the world when it comes to human sexuality. After presenting us with the main problem concerning human sexuality, McDowell presents a solution to the loving kindness, mercy, and forgiveness found in Christ.
The next section of "Chasing Love" presents to us what the real meaning of sex should be. He shows how popular culture has taken and twisted God's plan for sex and marriage through a few examples. In a reverse of this, McDowell presents the deeper purpose and plan God has for sex.
In the final section of "Chasing Love," Sean addresses issues concerning porn, unmarried couples living together, divorce, LGBTQ issues, and more. This section is the main meat of the book, as what came before sets this up after providing a strong Christian view on sexual ethics. This section not only discusses several issues and struggles but also highlights just how difficult following a good sexual ethic can be. The last part of this section also addresses concerns of sexual abuse. This section is handled with great care, presenting a way to heal and move forward from such a horrible and evil situation. The book ends with a lot of encouragement and kind words to help those wishing to dive into practicing a better life concerning Christian sexual ethics.
I really enjoyed reading this book. Having read several of Sean's books in my younger years and as an adult, it was great to read on a topic that has more recently been interesting to me. For this read-through of the book, I used my Audible subscription and enjoyed listening to this in that format. I think any Christian could easily read and understand this text. You really do not need to have a deep theological background to understand the points Sean is making. I think that those who may be overwhelmed by the sexual landscape of our current culture would greatly benefit from this book. While this is not the end-all-be-all resource on this topic, I truly believe this is a great place to start. Each topic is given a lot of care and enough time for this sort of book. Starting with this book and expanding into other books on sexual ethics would be an ideal way to approach this topic. Another thing I appreciated about this book was the hope and optimism provided. Found in this book was not all doom and gloom but a way to properly approach sexual ethics and move forward in a more God-honoring way

[Jasper W. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sean McDowell’s book “Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture” is a great book for teens looking to reconcile the confusing landscape of our culture on these issues because it both clear in being theologically grounded and comprehensive in it’s explanation for the Christian sexual ethic, while at the same time avoiding the trap of being too heady and inaccessible for teens who need straightforward clarity on sex and the wide range of related issues that they run into day in and day out in their lives from transgender identities, sexual abuse, pornography, etc. Some of these are framed in short Q&A segments at the end of each chapter which directly address the wide gamut of real questions encountered, e.g. “Is cybersex wrong? Is it ok to date a non-believer? Should I use a preferred gender pronoun?” I appreciate the sound Biblical reasoning and candor by which McDowell addresses these questions even if the answers are not always so clear cut. Perhaps the greatest strength of this book is that it avoids a dogmatic approach which characterized a lot of the Christian response to the cultures diverging sexual values that I was familiar with, and instead seeks to impart the reasoning behind the Biblical view with clarity and transparency, rather than just emphasize blind adherence to the Christian stance – and this will in turn help the reader.

One of the most insightful chapters for me was chapter 4 on “Experiencing True Freedom” because it addressed some of the common misconception around this topic of freedom – which is often cited as a universal value in the back and forth between differing views on sexual ethics. I realized I often assumed the common view of freedom expressed by that group of high school students in the beginning, that it’s “being able to do whatever you want without restraint,” and thus usually found that I had to dismiss freedom in order to uphold a Biblical sexual ethic. It was very helpful then to understand McDowell’s argument for how this “popular” view of freedom falls apart and fails to make sense of what we intuitively understand, and how we ultimately need to understand freedom in the positive sense as well, not just “freedom from” but “freedom for” – freedom for pursuing a thriving life as God designed. Part of that understanding came from the part of the chapter talking about how boundaries are actually necessary for true freedom, with the example of playing the piano by banging on keys randomly vs. obeying the rules and restrictions inherent to music, which in turn enable the richness of beautiful music to be expressed. Understanding this really helped me to develop a more robust foundation for understanding the Biblical sexual ethic.

My suggestion for improving on this book has to with the organization of some of those Q&A topics. They’re currently included as small snippets at the end of each chapter on a wide variety of topics. There doesn’t seem to be a consistent or direct relation between the different Q&A topics and the chapters that they follow, nor does there seem to be a separate table of contents that makes it easy to search for different topics. This is unfortunate as I think these questions do represent some of the more day to day issues that youth are grappling with, and it would be helpful to overlay them by topic together with a more in depth explanation, and even to be more directly placed after the relevant chapters of the book which talk about the broader subjects in more depth and include McDowell’s explanation around Biblically reasoning through the topics.

[Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture by Dr. Sean McDowell is a straightforward, Bible-based guide that cuts through today's confusion on sex, dating, and marriage. It starts with Jesus' invitation to real life, like Neo's wake-up in The Matrix, and builds through different topics like foundations of love, the purposes of sex, singleness, and marriage, plus tough issues like porn, masturbation, and divorce. The book is extensive with tons of Scripture, stories, stats, and Q&As. However, it is written simply for everyday readers, including teens, young adults, and not just academics.
Dr. McDowell tackles hot topics with grace and facts. On pornography, he shares heartbreaking stories of hidden habits wrecking marriages like a guy who thought marriage would fix his secret porn use, only for stress to pull him back in, shattering his wife's trust and leading to divorce showing how it rewires brains like a drug, creates addiction tougher than many substances, and exploits real people behind the screen, while debunking excuses like "it won't hurt anyone" or "I'll quit later." He handles divorce compassionately, too, mourning its pain for families that often leaves families heartbroken, outlining biblical boundaries like adultery or abandonment without judgment, and stressing how it ripples through kids and communities.
Dr. McDowell also addresses the question of live-in relationships. Currently, it is quite normal to try a live-in relationship so many young people like me get tempted by it, thinking it will test compatibility, save money or just bring us closer to that person that we already love, but Dr. McDowell refutes it well with grace, citing stats that cohabiting couples face 50-80% higher divorce rates, more abuse, and "sliding" into commitment that hurts kids and stability in the long-term.
From these chapters, I learned so much that stuck with me. Porn is not just a private slip, it is a habit that fools the brain into endless craving, making real intimacy harder and turning people into objects, with practical steps like accountability and fleeing temptation to break free. Cohabitation seems smart, but actually weakens marriages by lacking true vows, leading to more conflict and poorer outcomes for children, teaching me commitment needs intention, not just convenience. Divorce showed me God's heart for covenant-keeping, but also His grace for the broken, pushing prevention over easy outs.
Every chapter ends with practical answers to real questions, like beating porn urges or handling sexting pressure, and framing God's rules as freedom, not chains, urging us to imagine life with no STDs or broken homes if we chased His design. It is all rooted in loving God first for true flourishing.
In my teens, answers to my questions on Christian sexual ethics felt incomplete or devoid of the understanding of the pressures I faced amongst a "do what feels good" culture out in the world, but Dr. McDowell gave clear, shame-free tools on purity and pressure. It helped me and will help younger people too, steering them from porn pitfalls or cohabitation traps toward healthy love.
One small criticism is that this excellent book could benefit from wider marketing beyond the United States. Hopefully, students like me can help spread the word and encourage translations into other languages so more people worldwide can benefit.
In short, Chasing Love mixes depth, hope, and real talk, perfect for anyone navigating relationships God's way. Do not miss it.