Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted

by Andrea Bonior

In Detox Your Thoughts, popular psychologist Andrea Bonior, PhD, identifies the 10 most prevalent mental traps that make people feel anxious, insecure, and generally just bad.

Clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior has spent over twenty years studying, teaching, and practicing the science of thoughts, emotions, and behavior. In Detox Your Thoughts, she uses the latest research into mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to teach you to understand your thoughts–and your body–in a completely different way.

To challenge negative self-talk, you must change the way you relate to your thoughts altogether. Bonior shows us how to create new mental pathways that truly stick. For each of the ten mental traps, Bonior offers a new habit to practice, including:

• leaning in to your feelings
• recognizing and counteracting your blind spots to gain insight
• valuing the present moment, and immersing yourself in it.

Bonior deciphers the latest research in psychology and neuroscience to help disempower and conquer self-sabotaging thoughts with specific and actionable steps. You're not erasing negative thoughts, but rather growing bigger than they are–and improving your mental and emotional life along the way.

• Dr. Andrea Bonior is a popular psychologist and contributor to BuzzFeed and the Washington Post.
• Detox Your Thoughts was inspired by her popular BuzzFeed challenge of the same name.
• Dr. Bonior's mental health advice column, "Baggage Check," has appeared for 14 years in the Washington Post and several other newspapers nationwide.

With bite-sized psychology takes on the thought patterns that plague most people and a practical approach to quitting negative self-talk for good, Detox Your Thoughts is a transformational read.

• Perfect for readers of the Washington Post's "Baggage Check" column, Goodful's Detox Your Thoughts, Psychology Today, and The Cut's "Science of Us."
• Also a good fit for those who love pop psychology, self-help books, and any books related to motivation or happiness.
• Fans of Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World by Max Lucado, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin, and Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks by Barry McDonagh will want this.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Health, Personal Development, Audiobook

256 pages, Hardcover

Published May 5, 2020

About the author

Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of the popular weekly mental health column Baggage Check in the Washington Post Express. Her expertise has appeared in such places as CNN.com, MSNBC.com, and Good Housekeeping. In addition to maintaining a private psychotherapy practice, Andrea serves on the faculty of Georgetown University. She lives with her family in Maryland."

Reviews

[Jessica J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best, most useful "self-help" book I have ever read.

[Jaci · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book did not have a last page. It was that HELPFUL.
And very up-to-date, too. It's for us people who grew up in a world of social media.
Andrea Bonoir made her practice accessible in a book. I highlighted so many lines and paragraphs because it was that insightful.
At first, I was not sure if I would connect with this book because I do not regularly encounter negative thoughts. Yet, I am thankful to learn how to approach them. And this book is more than just about learning how to handle your negative thoughts; it talked about forgiveness, compassion, gratitude, and a lot of self-discovery topics.

So I learned that when negative thoughts enter your mind, it is important to be mindful. Be aware that you are having negative thoughts. From here, we can acknowledge, label, and defuse them. Then they shall pass. I love the labeling part. When you start to recognize and label it as a NEGATIVE and DEGRADING thought, you engage yourself to feel and study it. And tell yourself that it's not true and it will pass. Then you'll just master that thoughts are just really fleeting.

Bonoir also tackled depression and its complexities. Abusive relationships, abused partners and their tolerance of anything because of how much they have already invested, low self-worth, social anxieties, horrifying pasts, and all other sorts of pain. She addressed how valid our feelings are, yet highlighted the value of moving on and seeing the beauty of these tragedies (What did I learn from this which I couldn't have known if it didn't happen?). And here she introduced how to forgive and play gratitude in life. We can only make this happen if we truly face it in order to gain experience and manage it well.

And my favorite part just because it is considered part of our lifestyle: social media.
In the time of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, there's the constant mindless scrolling, anxious posting, self-worth comparison and everything esteem-degrading. Bonoir reminded me how to truly connect by disconnecting. And the truth that maybe what I listed above is just what really social media offers, except for the fact that if utilized right, it's an avenue to connect genuinely with people far from us.

The other chapters I will summarize are about by stripping down from our baggage and insecurities in order to live the life in accordance with our values and goals. Her offered comprehension was very well-researched and helpful for everyone.
This book is a guide to self-love in prime right now.

[Kathryn Morrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was excellent! It wasn't a ton of new information - a lot of the usual CBT and mindfulness stuff, but there was something about the delivery that really resonated with me. It was also a lot funnier than I expected. I only gave this one a try because my favourite blog ("Ask A Manager") recommended it, and I'm so glad I did. I think I might buy a copy and refer back/lend it out.

[Terrie Case · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first began this book, I thought the concepts were silly. I seriously doubted telling myself what I believed wasn’t true would change my thinking.

The, I applied it. Instead of telling myself that “I have no friends”, I changed the thought to “I believe that I have no friends.” Later, it became “I tell myself that I have no friends.” This little correction made all the difference. It was no longer an absolute. By changing the wording, I recognized that it was just a thought and not a fact.

There are many powerful concepts that follow this one. I recommend getting the book to understand and apply them yourself.


I received an ARC from Chronicle Prism through Goodreads. This in no way affects my opinion or rating of this book. I am voluntarily submitting this review and am under no obligation to do so.

[Michelle Korting · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot recommend this book enough! It deserves 10 stars in my opinion.
Dr. Bonior writes in a way that anyone of any age can relate to and she makes you want to try each step to heal yourself. I was able to relate to the story of the woman whose friend died and she blamed herself… because I did that after my brother died 6 years ago. I’m a nurse and I felt I did not push enough because he was my older brother. It took my 2 years to get over the guilt and shame I had and the feeling of failure. And then I was able to move through the grieving process slowly.
I am very thankful that this book was recommended to me by several friends and acquaintances.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a game changer for me. I am not someone who tends to read books twice so I usually don’t buy them (I rented this from the library) but I will be getting my own copy. It’s filled with practical advice that I have already started implementing in my daily life and has helped me immensely. I will definitely be revisiting this book again in the future. A must read for anyone who struggles with anxiety or negative self-talk/thoughts.

[Quinn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This gives concrete strategies to try and activities to test them. A great companion if you are a journal writer. Very accessible & positive without being preachy.

[Jose · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a self-help book. I'm usually skeptical but this one had a lot good info.

The book is short, a little over 200 pages with short chapters structured in a simple-to-digest manner. Lot's of summaries and bullet points, which I liked.

There are four parts Part I: Your Mind, Part II: Your Moment, Part III: Your Heart and Part IV: Your Future. These are strategies for dealing with corrosive thoughts and feelings the overall message is that we are not our thoughts, that thoughts and feelings themselves are not bad per se, but it's how we interpret them, how we react to them and act on them that can be toxic. I'd say it's a good read, it's good to know, of course the knowledge here has to be put into practice to be effective.

At first I thought I didn't have much to learn from it since personally I do not beat myself up with negative talk like "I can't do this" or "this is too much" etc, etc. There's no way I could have gotten through the Marines, a war, engineering school talking to myself like that. However, I did gain a few key insights into my psyche that I will take with me:

1. Emotions should not be dismissed or suppressed, they should be examined. When you tune out to your emotions, they come back, with force. Acknowledge your feelings and they will pass on their own.

2. Avoiding discomfort only makes things worse. People will do all kinds of things to avoid facing a tough reality. It's better to face the thing that you want to avoid to stop giving it power over you.

3. The one that hit me was the myth of arrival, people who live from goal to goal trying to achieve because deep down they believe that they have to achieve things in order to be loved. I had to reckon with that one. I was raised to think that way, I absorbed that message and had internalized it.

Overall, it passed the test for good reads. I made me see things a bit differently, I do understand myself a bit better. It taught me to treat myself with the same kindness and compassion as I try to treat others.

Good Read.

[Kerith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been following Dr Bonior for years, mainly through her Baggage Claim columns on the Washington Post, and have also signed up and used the Detox Your Thoughts challenge through Buzzfeed. This book is that challenge fleshed out into much more, and I found it hugely helpful, especially right now. If you are battling anxiety and depression and the accompanying fearful thoughts that don't want to go away, this is worth reading.

[Broken Lifeboat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderfully complete self-help book covering mindfulness, meditation, CBT, ACT to address so many of the issues that so many of us experience - depression, anxiety, negative self-talk, achievement focus and other mental health concerns.

Dr. Bonior is funny, warm and real as she makes mental health understandable and accessible. I thought more than once while reading that she wrote this book for me. Those new to self-help and regular self-help readers will both get something from this book.

[Shannon O'Connor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compassionate

As someone who struggles A LOT with negative internal dialog this book helped me to have hope that I can become better at releasing this way of living/thinking, and not constantly suffer from it. It’s going to take a lot of practice for me to change, but I think over time it will get better, if I keep working on it.

I liked that Andrea didn’t “shame” the reader for struggling or belittle them. Her voice felt compassionate and patient, really meeting people where they are. I think it’s easy for many self-help authors to use shaming as a tactic to light a fire of change, but this was not like that. The process of reading it actually made me feel better, and the examples she used from previous patients were very relatable and made me feel less isolated in what I go through.

[Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had I found this book earlier on my journey, I think it would have been more impactful to me. Nevertheless, the concepts are solid and can really make a difference to someone struggling with intrusive thoughts or wanting to learn techniques to clear their mind.

[Jennifer Ballard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was very well thought out and easy to read. The ideas seem simple but have made a big difference in my life. I will be purchasing this one to read again.

[Carolyn Reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every single girlie who is prone to hurting her own feelings should read this immediately.

[Marianne Kocur · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! I would highly recommend to anyone struggling with negative thoughts. It's a good read to help improve your mindset.

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some good, helpful techniques in this book! I will buy a copy for my personal library.

[Lorna Satchwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great techniques for meditating! I enjoyed reading/listening to this content from beginning to end. I highly recommend this book.

[Bella Leilani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrea Bonior does a wonderful job at conveying great ways of navigating the many tunnels the mind can go down.

[Dava Jean]

This was an amazing book. It gave helpful suggestion for people who have all kinds of thought patterns and how to address them. She gave examples and stories about people and some issues that they were facing. She addressed with them how to dissect the thought pattern to get to the root of the issues that really plaguing them. She explained step by step how to put those into practice. She even gives you homework and asks you to keep notes to discuss at the end.

You are not discussing with anyone but yourself, but it is still very helpful. I feel that this could be a tool that you could use if you were going into therapy, or needed help communicating with a therapist, as there are many terms in here that I related to but never knew the name.

I listened to this on audible, but wish I had the paper book now, as I would like to be able to go back and reference things that she had mentioned that I find helpful.

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book for people like me who struggle with anxiety. Recommend for all ages, too. Lots of great scenarios and tips to get yourself through perceived difficult situations.

[Trish Grencer · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a recovering perfectionist and self help addict, I went into this book thinking it would only rehash what I already knew or had read.

I was wrong.

It is extremely helpful and relevant to our world of instant success and social media. The world that has recently been turned upside down by covid 19 and has made a lot of the bad habits and anxious thoughts resurface almost overnight. Each chapter is organized based on the things we as humans do, little habits and survival mechanisms that we have picked up over time. There are practical tips on how to notice the thing our mind is doing- not control it. This book is full of practical tips and tools. And I love the book for it.

The thing I enjoyed the most about this book was the individual stories of people sprinkled throughout. I would go into a chapter thinking It wouldn't be relevant to me and only by reading about a certain person's experience did I realize how wrong I was. The writing has this special quality of not only being scientifically sound and practical but somehow personal.

I want to buy this book for every person I know and love.

[Carrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd heard good things about the simple ideas presented in this book, to help reframe your thinking, to become more hopeful and productive, and less depressed. Some of the methods really resonated with me, and I'm confident they'll be helpful and pop into my head when needed, from here on out. But I question how doable these techniques are for individuals who are clinically depressed or with other mood or mental health issues. I'm afraid some people who are truly stuck might feel this book is a bunch of B.S., only heightening their anxiety. No one should expect it to magically transform you into someone who never ruminates or dwells on negative or worrisome thoughts anymore.
In the end, this book introduced some new worrisome thoughts into my conscious; " The therapist my loved-one sees really isn't doing a good job." and "Wow, I never look at things positively. Is that bad?"

[Tova · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so happy I bought this little gem of a book. Helps one with troubling thoughts and enjoying life despite the anxiety and stresses of everyday living.

[Katharine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Detox Your Thoughts is very much a take-what-you-need-and-ignore-the-rest self-help style book. Unfortunately, that obviously means you have to read the whole book to decide what is helpful to you and what is not.

I was able to relate to a few discussions in Detox, and I appreciate that. On the other hand, I have a few loud complaints about the style and the book, one serious enough to invoke the rating I assigned to it.
-I did not like that the author very much tried to be cutesy or funny, tossing in parenthetical "OMG, I'm so hilarious!" lines that I believed were out of place.
-I did not like that the book starts by legitimately criticizing the well-known complaint that people who are suffering from depression get told "Just look on the bright side!"...only to immediately spin around and declare "Instead, just visualize your negative thoughts and give them names!" If one shouldn't be expected to "Just" do one thing that is clearly impossible on a moment's notice, why is it then good advice to tell them to "Just" do something equally impossible to conjure up immediately?
-Here's the big one. On page 3, the author states "Studies increasingly suggest that depression and anxiety disorders are not caused by negative thoughts." (I attest that this part is correct, BUT she continues) "Instead, depression and anxiety are caused by negative thoughts becoming sticky."

I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist. However, I declare that this is wrong, and wrong enough to do damage to some people suffering from anxiety and depression. As someone who has dealt with both for decades, I am very aware that anxiety and depression can be unrelated to any "thoughts" at all. When you feel the world closing in for No Explainable Reason, that is also a major symptom of anxiety or depression. It can be terrifying. But, it doesn't mean you are going crazy. And, spending time desperately trying to figure out what "thoughts" caused it, in a blame-the-victim-what-did-I-do-wrong sort of way, instead of moving immediately into possibly-helpful remediation exercises (recommended by a professional) can make it worse.

A licensed psychologist should know this. Be careful.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Detox Your Thoughts was validating.

A lot of people have just had enough. They're anxious, stressed, and steeped in a cycle of feeling bad (and feeling bad about feeling bad). They have negative, worried thoughts that follow them around and get in the way of their moods, relationship, and work.

If you sometimes feel like your inner voice is your worst enemy, this book is worth picking up. All chapters were good, but some were very resonating and felt like a comfortable coaching session to let sink in:

‣ You Hold On When You Need to Let Go
If it's someone you love, you may over-personalize that individual's behavior, thinking it reflects directly upon you. So letting go often involves accepting that other people may make judgments. Yes, you may sometimes be blamed for the behavior of others who are close to you: guilt by association. But that is not a reason to keep depleting yourself trying to control something you can't control. We must learn to respect our own autonomy and that of others, even when we don't like their choices─and we also must learn to accept other people's rights to make their own judgments, even when they make us uncomfortable. We are all our own people.

‣ Five Things You Can Start to Let Go of Right Now
Five Things You Can Start to Let Go of Right Now:
‣ Past mistakes
‣ How things "should" be
‣ Your past vision of your future self
‣ Goals that no longer suit you
‣ Physical artifacts

‣ You Run From Discomfort
Sometimes it's your feelings that need treatment or at least acknowledgment. If someone you love makes you angry, the question of whether it's fair to have that anger is really beside the point. You have the feeling. It's there. And if you stuff it or ignore it or try to talk yourself out of it, it will only corrode things further. We wouldn't ignore the broken leg, but we try to ignore feelings all the time. We believe so wholeheartedly that we should be able to control them and make them disappear. We even wonder whether we deserve to feel them in the first place. For those of you cringing at the idea of letting yourself feel all of your feelings, acknowledging a feeling need not mean acting on it. Being angry with a loved one is different than directing that anger toward them in a negative way, for instance. Maybe sometimes, you'll choose not to bring up your anger or disappointment in a loved one because you know they're stressed or pre-occupied and you just want to give them a pass. That's okay, but that shouldn't mean internally denying your feelings.

‣ You've Absorbed False Meanings for Gratitude and Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not mean ignoring that something was done to you or allowing yourself to be pressured to reconcile with the person who harmed you. Just because you work toward forgiveness of someone does not mean you have to let them back into your life. And it doesn't have to be contrary to seeing justice served. Sadly, some people think that forgiveness means that a person should keep quiet about abuse they have suffered at someone's hands, even when they want to speak out. This is misguided and harmful and is not likely to bring the psychological benefits of true forgiveness. Let's understand the difference between justice and revenge. Justice sets things right or as right as possible. Revenge prolongs a cycle of pain and hate. Forgiveness involves relinquishing hate and the need for revenge but it need not abandoning the fight for justice.

I appreciate this book. It gives a great perspective, helpful guidelines, and suggestions for calming down negative thoughts during fraught moments. The author insists on sitting with difficult emotions and making a conscious effort to be more willing to engage with life rather than running from its difficult parts and leaning into a given experience as a whole, discomfort and all.

She motivates her readers not to run from negative thoughts but to learn to see them, label them, and let them pass.

Note: The quotes I've added to my review do not relate to a loved one's treatment of me. I have been in situations and know loved ones who have or are dealing with difficult circumstances. We all deal with people who cause or have caused us harm. Some of us deal with our negative thoughts more than others, and sometimes past hurts, trauma, or negative experiences still follow us in our minds.

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book really hard to get through, but maybe its because I chose it while I was interested in this topic but didn't start it until I had mostly moved on.

The book has a lot of practical short exercises that I find useful, and I think it was good to read quickly now so that if it becomes relevant in the future I know where to look for suggestions. The author also does a great job of giving examples of how different thought patterns might look in real life, some of them were surprising to me and I actually needed to listen to the end to hear how a certain behavior could be tied into the specific mental pattern (but the explanations were very convincing).

So, a good book, but not the most riveting for me right now.

[Kristin DeGarmo · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me kind of a long time to finish this book. Not because it wasn’t good but there were parts I found hard to read (hit too close to home) and parts that I felt didn’t really apply to me but I read those anyway. I did learn a bit from this book. The take away I got was that it’s okay to feel feelings that I don’t want to feel (like that embarrassing time from 2 years ago or yesterday) and it’s important to label those feelings, acknowledge them, and let them pass. I’ve started implementing that in my journal writing and self talks and it’s really helped my anxiety. I’m learning to accept these negative thoughts and feelings won’t magically go away or disappear, but I can channel them in a positive way. I’m glad I read this book which was recommended to me by a friend and coworker.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am debating with myself between three and four stars because this book is very useful, though not all that fun and enjoyable to read (or listen to). But of course, dealing with toxic thoughts is not a particularly fun thing to have to do. Bonior provides lots of strategies and options for dealing with different sorts of toxic thoughts and this book is a great toolkit. I am hoping I can convince myself to listen to it again in the future; I think perhaps different strategies might be more helpful as my life changes, and for right now, I can only remember the ones that seem immediately useful.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a lot of self help books and they never really clicked. But as I read this book, I found myself self saying, yes this is what I’m feeling but I was never able to explain it or put it into words. I would definitely reread this book again and actually do the activities highlighted in the book. So much of this book resonated with me from living for my future self and never feeling like I’m enough to addressing the social anxiety that is holding me back.

This book is one that I’m keeping to keep myself in check and improve the way I live my life.

[Marika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Arrivata alle ultime pagine di questo libro, ho pensato "avrei voluto scriverlo io". Penso che tutto ciò che trasmette Andrea in queste pagine sia ineguagliabile. Un libro veramente d'aiuto, che rende concreti dei concetti fin troppo nominati a sproposito, come la meditazione, la consapevolezza, la presenza, l'amore per sé stessi, gli obiettivi, le abitudini. Come dice lei stessa, non basta riflettere ma bisogna agire. Sono contenta di averlo affrontato, anche se in inglese, ne è valsa la pena.