From Sh!tshow to Afterglow: Putting Life Back Together When It All Falls Apart

by Ariel Meadow Stallings

Rebound after loss, grief, and the other cruel crises life throws your way with this irreverent guide -- the perfect anti-self-help book.
Sometimes your foundation crumbles. Sometimes you realize there wasn't a foundation to begin with. Maybe your relationship ended in a breakup or divorce, or you lost your job, or a loved one died. Whatever crisis showed up to screw with you, it brought everything else crashing down, and suddenly life became confusing, disorienting, out of control. A total shit show. You. Need. Help.
Therein lies the problem: Traditional self-help guides just aren't for you. You're an individualist, an iconoclast, a follow-your-own-drumbeat kind of person. The typical sunshine-and-rainbows, "live your best life!" books in the "personal growth" aisle aren't going to speak to your worldview -- you need an embrace-your-weirdness vision for growth and rebuilding.
Enter Ariel Meadow Stallings, who has experienced a few life catastrophes of her own and emerged from them with newfound clarity and strength. In From Sh!tshow to Afterglow, she offers a lifeline of support and outside-the-box thinking for times of crisis and confusion, sharing plenty of tactical tips for getting your shit together. Along the way, she never lets readers forget that sometimes a life has to be taken apart before it can be put back together better than ever.
Without sugar-coating how deeply it sucks to have your world shattered, From Sh!tshow to Afterglow gives readers a reassuring plan to for putting the pieces back together and emerging stronger than ever.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Divorce, Biography, Psychology, Personal Development

288 pages, Hardcover

Published June 16, 2020

About the author

A writer and editor who got her start editing a rave magazine in the mid-'90s, Ariel Meadow Stallings work has been featured by the New York Times, Today Show, and The Guardian.

Ariel's first book, Offbeat Bride, was first published by Seal Press in 2007 (with a second edition in 2010, and a third in 2019).

Her second book, PROS BEFORE BROS, was self-published in 2019 with an audiobook version in 2021. Her third book, From Shitshow To Afterglow, was published by Seal Press / Hachette Book Group in 2020.

Ariel currently lives in Seattle with her teenage son.

Reviews

[AcademicEditor · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author's name was vaguely familiar to me--turns out I had stumbled on Offbeat Bride back in 2011 when I was planning a nontraditional wedding of my own. The founder of the Offbeat Empire, Ariel Meadow Stallings, had built a career on a marriage and lifestyle that, in 2015, she lost. First a major health crisis and then an unexpected divorce left her reeling, grieving, and trying to find her way. This book is meant to reach out to someone else going through their own "sh!tshow," although Stallings is quick to point out that she's not a therapist. The book is meant to take the role of a supportive friend who can help you plan a way through your crisis. In these days of COVID, and with so many passages that spoke to new and old wounds, I found myself crying more than once while reading.

Thanks to the publishers and NetGalley for a digital ARC for the purpose of an unbiased review.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Three stars under my Draconian rating system, but three gold stars! As an Offbeat Bride vendor who attended one of the wedding shows in the year she was talking about, and a generally longtime follower of the brand, I've been following the development of this book with interest. I really liked it! A lot of it resonates, and a lot of it dredged up some old sh!t that I haven't been looking at because I just covered over the scar tissue with more scar tissue. And that's worth it, for sure. That said, the breadth of the material covered is enormous, and she tries to really do it all justice in how it has helped her and how the same material can be there for us in our times of need... The unfortunate bit is that, a lot of it is just... well, you have to go through sh!t yourself, and you have to come to the conclusion yourself. When you're ready, the teacher appears, etc. I wanted more depth to the resources she was talking about, and that's where I went from 4 stars to 3, but honestly, on a different day, I would go a different way. Her journey is profoundly honest, and reminded me, "Hey, remember how you have anxiety so bad you can't feel your extremities when talking to people, and instead of fixing it, you decided to just stop talking to people?" and other questionable late 20s - early 30s choices? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Anyway, there's always work to do. I appreciate this as a resource and will certainly rely on it when more sh!t inevitably happens.

[Elisabeth Kramer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not a self-dev book type of lady. It's just never been my thing. So the fact that I not only enjoyed but actively recommend "From Sh!tshow to Afterglow" speaks to just how powerful this book is.

Ariel gives it to you straight but she never makes you feel bad. If anything, she's right there with you: crying and laughing and putting it all on the line because she believes that you can do it. She believes it because she's done it, too.

Using an excellent blend of personal anecdotes and well-researched facts, Ariel offers a self-dev book that isn't just about slapping on a Band-Aid and moving on. This book is about really looking at what's going on and not shying away from what we see. It sounds scary but somehow, Ariel makes it fun.

One last piece of evidence that this book is worth reading: I got an advance copy and for some reason, the font rendered as minuscule on my Kindle. (You will not have this problem. It had something to do with my formatting.) I could barely read this font, it was so tiny and still, even when my eyeballs screamed for rest and I had my Kindle up to its highest brightness setting just to make out the words, I couldn't put the book down.

It's just that good. I'm glad you found it. Now, enjoy.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely stellar. Ariel is funny and so real it hurts (hi, empath here). This is definitely already a much treasured book in my home and one I can see myself returning to time and time again.

[Virginia Hatton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is putting their lives back together after a divorce. This book is like having a cup of tea with a wise old friend who has been there before. I really wish this book had existed when I was going through my own divorce. However, it's still come at the perfect time for me, when I have more time now to focus on my own healing, growth and personal development.

I really enjoy divorce/dating memoirs, such as The Back Up Plan by Alice Judge-Talbot, but From Shitshow to Afterglow offers SO MUCH MORE than a memoir, it's full of thoughtful practical advice on how to recover from the unexpected, and is never condescending or preachy. In addition, you can take the reflections and daily practices from the book further by joining the Afterglow, the author's website portal about further self development. I'm a member and seriously the deleted scenes alone make it worth it! The ongoing membership is a way of holding myself accountable for my own personal development and it's really been a much needed source of humor, joy and spiritual reflection during the lockdown times.

If you have a friend going through a break up or are going through a break up yourself, invest in this book. Whether gifting to a friend or yourself, you'll be paying it forward or investing in yourself, both valuable themes of this book.

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was emotional and amazing and feels like it was written directly to me, like a series of letters from a big sister that went through some shit and wants to help me through my own swamps of sadness.

I loved the mentions of the embarrassment and shame that being broken, or being a cliche, or being too ‘woo-woo’ brings, the ‘so I’m that person now?!’ and ‘so this is my life now?!’ thoughts that aren’t often acknowledged.

I really liked the way this was organized, also. There was plenty of research and interesting side paths to go down, and a recommended books section if you want to go farther down those paths.

At the end the author mentions ‘healing it forward’ and building a caring community, caring for others in their shitshow and supporting others, and how after you’ve gone through your shitshow you want to ‘heal it forward’. The author herself continues her work on her membership platform, The Afterglow, which has weekly essays, deleted chapters from the book, access to her audio book Pros Before Bros, all kinds of neat stuff. It’s a safe place to get deep into self-development stuff, and a what next after you read the book and are ready. It’s at https://www.findyourafterglow.com/join

Overall I would highly recommend this. I know for me some of the concepts are literally life changing, and I can’t say how much I appreciate that.

[Victoria Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

The easiest way to describe what I think of this book would be to tell you that before I finished it I bought a copy for a friend of mine.

It won't be for everyone, the language is frank (the title is a bit of a giveaway) and some parts won't be to everyone's taste. But the combination of personal memoir with researched based suggestions and tactics for helping you to find your own afterglow is very, very well done.

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this book and I want to say it is a damn honor to walk along side Ariel on her journey in self healing. Ariel is so smart and thoughtful that it feels like an immense exercise in self care to read this book.

This very thoughtful and vulnerable (in the strong sense of the word) book walks you through the grief of losing a relationship and the world that seems to crumble in its wake. Ariel takes you through her process of her finding the pure strength and beauty all in those dark moments and finding new beginnings and rituals around a new normal.

Thank you for writing this book, Ariel. You really have inspired me to start making small shifts in my daily life in a more positive way. To everyone else reading this: GO BUY HER BOOK. She is a hardworking and kickass woman that you should also incorporate into you life in this small way.

[Sharon Naylor Toris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is what a self-help book should be, because Ariel Meadow Stallings provides such great information that you can actually help yourself with it. She's direct, but never lecturing. Revelatory but never overwhelmingly so. For grief healing especially, which is what drew me to the book, this is the good stuff. You're always looking for keys that make everything simpler to see and handle. This book dials down the noise and everything else you may have tried, and hooks you in with the author's guidance. Highly recommended.

[Emily Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this book in the giveaway! This non-traditional self-help book is beautifully and humorously written. It was much easier to implement Ariel Stallings advice than many other tips I have come across. I recommend this book to anyone going through hard life changes or anyone who would like to change for the better.

[Peggy McCoy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ok some good thoughtful therapy quotes were included, but....jeez!.. sh!tshow is absolutely the only way to describe this author's reactions, behaviors, and thought processes. It made me tired of her, impatient with her thoughts, and longing to give her a swift kick. Not a fan.

[Aurora · Rating 5 out of 5]

Normally, I have a library "problem" (3-5 books out at any given time), so I waited for this book, very patiently, to hit the borrowing shelves so I could support my local library. I realized pretty early on that I wanted this book in my hands, permanently, because there was a lot of information to work on. I ordered the book from a local bookstore not long after, and I stopped reading it around the end of December 2020, when I hit part four. The reason I did that was calculated: I took the reflection questions VERY seriously, and I wrote a personal essay based on one aspect of the reflection questions for every chapter. When I hit part four of the book, I knew I'd need that break to reflect and do inner work based on what I'd already been delving into. Sometimes, I've had to take breaks from the writing as well, as other aspects of healing have come up (including IOP, and writing based around that). I don't want to just READ this book, I want to EXPERIENCE it.

It took me around twenty years to come to terms with the fact that I've had a Shitshow, and another ten on top of that to finally be ready to embrace that an Afterglow is possible. I'm taking my time with this book, because healing takes time, too. And trust: that is SO worth your energy.

[Laina Vereschagin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I stumbled upon this book before realizing who the author was - someone whose company I follow on social media, so that was fun, and I loved the references to Seattle, as that's where I live. I loved this book more than I expected, and read it at the exact right time in my life.
Instead of giving 5 stars, I gave it 4 because I have 2 criticisms. One, she references a woman as a Black woman, where she doesn't mention race elsewhere and it wasn't pertinent to the topic. Why was that necessary? I think it was a very tone deaf statement. Taking it further, a tone deaf thing that privileged white people say. Second, so many times she referenced snot in the beginning of the book! It lost its impact after the 2nd mention.
As far as something that could be useful (and generate more sales for Ariel!): the questions and "homework" were so great! I think she should consider taking all of those questions and exercises to create a workbook. I know I'd buy it! Or even a subscription website with the exercises there.
Overall, truly an excellent book and I already know I'll be reading it again!

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic self-help book for people who, for whatever reason, usually feel the genre doesn't resonate. Ariel offers candid, but never indulgent, examples from her own life to offer a compelling narrative of recovery from loss and mid-life challenges of identity, spirituality, ego, and trauma, blended with workable advice you can apply to whatever it is that you're going through. She blends science, Buddhism, new age woo, trauma therapy, and memoir to create a book that feels like you're sitting on the couch together crying it out and coming up with solutions with your best friend. Some of the concepts I was already familiar with from therapy or other modalities, but the way Ariel packages what she's learned about resilience and overcoming severe anxiety and depression makes it feel fresh and easy to integrated into your life.

[Breanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

During my shitshow was not the time I was ready to read this book, but it's been a wonderfully healing to read during my afterglow glow-up. Others may find it helpful to read during a shitshow. I feel like this quote in the book, originally from adrienne maree brown's book Pleasure Activism, sums up where I feel this book fits in to our culture:

"Shift from individual transactions for self-care to collective transformation. Be in community with healers in our lives. Healers, we must make sure our gifts are available and accessible to those growing and changing our communities."

I feel like Ariel's healing gift is writing and connecting, and I am thankful that she feels comfortable sharing so much of herself and making her gifts available and accessible to us.

[evian · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not much of one to grab self-dev books however, I’m expanding my horizons. Given that I saw this book at a time in life where it was definitely giving “shitshow” it seemed fitting.

To my surprise, Stallings made some very valid points in this book. While I hadn’t gone through everything she did, I could relate to certain feelings after events of my own and finding ways to put those things into perspective and move on was critical. This book was a helpful read in an unexpected way, given that my hopes weren’t high. I appreciate the surprise in relation.

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this raw journey to process upheaval for woman in the middle of her life. The part narrative part self help book really worked for me. While I didn't always take the advice and do the exercises she placed forth, I was also only mid global shit-show when I read it, not personal shit show. I definitely recommend for anyone reeling from a divorce, break up, unexpected job change or other personal upheaval.

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was hard to finish because it bored me for the most part.
I found her unrelatable and whiny. She is successful, it's hard for anyone struggling through a divorce financially to relate to her. I also couldn't relate to her many random hookups. Because, EW.
Then it was onto the rah rah stuff and the dancing. On and on about dancing and how it helped her!
Yeah, OK.
I'll say it again; I can't relate to her.

[Rosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

For a self-help book this was right up my alley. No BS and to use one of the author’s terms, very little ‘woo-woo.’ I enjoyed it tremendously.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wish I had this book when I was in more shitshow phase. Lots of good advice for self-care, finding new identity, finding opportunity for growth when things turn to shit. :-)

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ariel thought she had it figured out until one day her world fell apart a bit and she was thrown for a loop. Having gained popularity with her Offbeat Bride book she had built an empire on nontraditional weddings until her own fell apart shortly after a health scare reminding her of her mortality. She takes us along her journey as she finds a path forward, piecing her life back and rediscovering herself. It is witty and funny, she talks about the wins and the detours along the way as well which are a good reminder that healing is not a linear journey. She is not a therapist, so this comes across more as a conversation between two friends where they are able to be vulnerable and laugh/cry at each others woes together. It is impossible to not relate to some part of the shit show, and following her healing journey is guaranteed to make you giggle as well. There is no real guide for how to get through your own shitshow other than to just do it, but if you are open minded to trying some new techniques she shares some of the tools she used along the way. Even if you think your life is already in its optimized state this book will still impart knowledge that you can keep in your back pocket because you never know what tomorrow might bring.