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Breaking Free of Child Anxiety & OCD: A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents
Parenting an anxious child means facing constant challenges and When should parents help children avoid anxiety-provoking situations, and when should they encourage them to face their fears? How can parents foster independence while still supporting their children? How can parents reduce the hold their child's anxiety has taken over the entire family?
Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents is the first and only book to provide a completely parent-based treatment program for child and adolescent anxiety. Parents will learn how to alleviate their children's anxiety by changing the way they themselves respond to their children's symptoms--importantly, parents are not required to impose changes on their children's behavior. Instead, parents are shown how to replace their own accommodating behaviors (which allow anxiety to flourish) with supportive responses that demonstrate both acceptance of children's difficulties and confidence in their ability to cope. From understanding child anxiety and OCD, to learning how to talk with an anxious child, to avoiding common traps and pitfalls (such as being overly protective or demanding) to identifying the ways in which parents have been enabling a child's anxious behaviors, this book is full of detailed guidance and practical suggestions. Worksheets
are included to help parents translate the book's suggestions into action, and the book's compassionate and personable tone will make it a welcoming resource for any concerned parent.
Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents is the first and only book to provide a completely parent-based treatment program for child and adolescent anxiety. Parents will learn how to alleviate their children's anxiety by changing the way they themselves respond to their children's symptoms--importantly, parents are not required to impose changes on their children's behavior. Instead, parents are shown how to replace their own accommodating behaviors (which allow anxiety to flourish) with supportive responses that demonstrate both acceptance of children's difficulties and confidence in their ability to cope. From understanding child anxiety and OCD, to learning how to talk with an anxious child, to avoiding common traps and pitfalls (such as being overly protective or demanding) to identifying the ways in which parents have been enabling a child's anxious behaviors, this book is full of detailed guidance and practical suggestions. Worksheets
are included to help parents translate the book's suggestions into action, and the book's compassionate and personable tone will make it a welcoming resource for any concerned parent.
256 pages, Paperback
Published January 2, 2021
1010 people are currently reading
1470 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 148 reviews
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February 21, 2024I’m such a sell out for putting this on my goodreads but 50 books this year as a goal means mamas gotta count the academic reads. This was good! I would recommend if you work with/have/are in charge of anxious littles. Felt harsh at times to me, but anxiety is a bitch! So I guess we gotta be a bit bitchy back.
February 26, 2023
This book starts off with some useful tidbits. Then it shows promise talking about parental regulation, not trying to change your kid's behavior and providing support. But he can call it something good and he can coach you to deliver it in a calm way, this method is disturbing and neglectful, and sometimes downright cruel. It demonizes helping your kid with their struggles, describing accommodations as something that is not letting your kid cope. And if you just give your kid an opportunity to cope on their own, they will see that they can and the anxiety will improve. Yeah except it doesn't work like that. And he says it might not. And if you tell your kid you will not provide the support for their mental health struggles and they get really upset, then you, the parent should get some support for yourself to make yourself feel better about what you are doing to your kid. Actual advice from the book. There are so many obvious ethical issues.
But wait, isn't this method scientifically proven? I looked up the study. The results that are measured are parental stress and family accommodations. That is how he measures child anxiety.
I was sceptical as soon as I picked up the book because of the title which is actually honest if you take it at face value. He has a program to make parents feel less burdened by their child's anxiety. Sure you will see your child coming to you less for support. Because you taught him it doesn't work. That you'll just nicely tell them they can deal with it on their own. And then praise them for enduring the lack of support. So messed up. The only reason I finished it is because it was recommended by a therapist, whose competence I now strongly question.
But wait, isn't this method scientifically proven? I looked up the study. The results that are measured are parental stress and family accommodations. That is how he measures child anxiety.
I was sceptical as soon as I picked up the book because of the title which is actually honest if you take it at face value. He has a program to make parents feel less burdened by their child's anxiety. Sure you will see your child coming to you less for support. Because you taught him it doesn't work. That you'll just nicely tell them they can deal with it on their own. And then praise them for enduring the lack of support. So messed up. The only reason I finished it is because it was recommended by a therapist, whose competence I now strongly question.
January 22, 2023
I loved this book’s premise of only working on the things *you* can change related to your child’s anxiety. It may not be the sole tool that some families will need, but what a helpful (and less frustrating!) approach for a start.
Lebowitz argues that instead of accommodating anxiety, parents should work to support children through it. His formula for support is understanding + confidence. Just getting a handle on the definitions of these ideas was a significant help to me in understanding my child and thinking about better ways to help.
Accommodating feels supportive, and he acknowledges that (and says that almost all families with anxious kids do it on some level). But he explains how making significant family adjustments to try to prevent anxiety actually sends a message that our kids can’t handle things, that there is something to fear. Instead, he suggests creating an environment that recognizes their worries but also conveys our confidence in their abilities to cope with anxiety (which is always going to be part of life).
It seems counterintuitive that you can help your child without your child being actively involved. But Lebowitz makes a convincing case.
The book has a series of worksheets to help you create a formal plan based on the ideas he outlines. There’s lots of encouragement to start small and specific ideas on how to adjust and adapt to your child’s needs. And there’s also lots of reassurance that you’re not alone, change takes time and there’s hope.
I highly recommend this book if you have a child struggling with anxiety.
Lebowitz argues that instead of accommodating anxiety, parents should work to support children through it. His formula for support is understanding + confidence. Just getting a handle on the definitions of these ideas was a significant help to me in understanding my child and thinking about better ways to help.
Accommodating feels supportive, and he acknowledges that (and says that almost all families with anxious kids do it on some level). But he explains how making significant family adjustments to try to prevent anxiety actually sends a message that our kids can’t handle things, that there is something to fear. Instead, he suggests creating an environment that recognizes their worries but also conveys our confidence in their abilities to cope with anxiety (which is always going to be part of life).
It seems counterintuitive that you can help your child without your child being actively involved. But Lebowitz makes a convincing case.
The book has a series of worksheets to help you create a formal plan based on the ideas he outlines. There’s lots of encouragement to start small and specific ideas on how to adjust and adapt to your child’s needs. And there’s also lots of reassurance that you’re not alone, change takes time and there’s hope.
I highly recommend this book if you have a child struggling with anxiety.
November 19, 2022
Being a parent of a child with OCD and/or anxiety can be frustrating and had me feeling helpless. This book was the tool we needed as parents to stop enabling and start empowering our child. I felt a lightbulb go off as a read it. It gave practical effective steps to take as a parent that were not dependent on the child’s willingness to participate or not. This book was a life changer for our family!
June 5, 2021
Excellent, practical but kind guide to helping children with anxiety, primarily by focusing on parent/caregiver behavior
September 24, 2024
Een grote aanrader voor hulpverleners en ouders van kinderen met dwang en/of angst. Dit boek werkt ook goed als ondersteuning en naslagwerk bij ouderbegeleiding!
Een zeer volledige beschrijving van angst, de soorten angst en dwang, de begrijpelijke reacties van de ouders en wat ondersteunende reacties zijn. Vervolgens volgt een heldere stapsgewijze uitleg inclusief korte duidelijke werkbladen hoe ouders hun gedrag kunnen veranderen zodat het kind passende ondersteuning krijgt en beter leert omgaan met angst en dwang.
Een niet-veroordelend positief en hoopvol boek.
Een zeer volledige beschrijving van angst, de soorten angst en dwang, de begrijpelijke reacties van de ouders en wat ondersteunende reacties zijn. Vervolgens volgt een heldere stapsgewijze uitleg inclusief korte duidelijke werkbladen hoe ouders hun gedrag kunnen veranderen zodat het kind passende ondersteuning krijgt en beter leert omgaan met angst en dwang.
Een niet-veroordelend positief en hoopvol boek.
February 25, 2023
This book fits perfectly with what I've been listening to on parenting podcasts and hearing from my child's therapist. It's well written with lots of examples and I LOVE that it only focuses on what a parent can do. You are not asked to change your child in any way or ask/force them to do anything. It is purely steps that a parent can take (stop accommodating OCD/anxiety) that will benefit their child.
March 21, 2021
I have read several books now that lay out strategies for helping children overcome anxiety. This one makes the most sense to me. I have tried others that involve working together with my daughter and they haven't been successful at all. The premise of this book is to focus on changing your own accommodating behaviors that, often unknowingly, enable the anxiety. I appreciate the way this was all explained while also making a point not to blame parents for their child's anxiety. The strategy in the book is designed to be implemented on its own, but I don't think it would conflict with direct therapy for the child as well depending on the circumstances. Overall this was clear, direct, and easy to understand, so even though I haven't yet tried out the plan I would recommend it as a resource.
January 3, 2025
This book offers simple and highly practical strategies for managing anxiety in children, making it a valuable resource for parents and caregivers. However, while its utility is undeniable, the book falters in delivering an engaging and nuanced read.
The writing is repetitive, with concepts and explanations often feeling redundant. Given its heavy focus on reducing accommodations for children, the solutions can come across as overly simplistic and, at times, discouraging. The tone is also overly prescriptive, with recommendations presented in a way that feels excessively confident and rigid.
To be clear, the information is helpful, ethical, and likely supported by adequate evidence. However, the content could have been distilled into a much more concise format, as the book often feels padded with unnecessary repetition and filler.
Ultimately, this book illustrates a common challenge: while scientists excel at providing evidence-based insights, they often struggle to communicate them effectively and engagingly to a broader audience.
The writing is repetitive, with concepts and explanations often feeling redundant. Given its heavy focus on reducing accommodations for children, the solutions can come across as overly simplistic and, at times, discouraging. The tone is also overly prescriptive, with recommendations presented in a way that feels excessively confident and rigid.
To be clear, the information is helpful, ethical, and likely supported by adequate evidence. However, the content could have been distilled into a much more concise format, as the book often feels padded with unnecessary repetition and filler.
Ultimately, this book illustrates a common challenge: while scientists excel at providing evidence-based insights, they often struggle to communicate them effectively and engagingly to a broader audience.
January 16, 2025
I found this to be very insightful. Not just for my kids but also for recognizing where I have anxiety and where the people around me have set up accommodations to help me deal with it. I have a long way to go, but this book has a lot of really practical ideas to help find methods to overcome anxiety. It's a very useful tool, and I'm grateful to have found it.
There it is and there you have it.
There it is and there you have it.
November 16, 2022
I really enjoyed this and thought it held a lot of good options and knowledge about handling multiple situations. I'm hopeful to try some of these in our lives!
April 13, 2024
4.5/5 heel erg duidelijk en inzetbaar!
June 21, 2022
I highly recommend this book for parents of anxious kids. And if you're not sure if you have an anxious kid, consider the level to which you accommodate their preferences (picky eating, clothing styles/fabrics, managing transitions, bedtime, etc.). If you feel like you have to make a decent amount of accommodations in order to keep your kid's day running smoothly, then check out this book.
I really liked that it focused on what parents can do. In hindsight of course it seems obvious, but it was helpful for me to recognize that it's not my job to keep my kids from feeling anxious. Anxious feelings are a normal part of life, not inherently bad. As parent, I'm simply there to sideline support my child and express my confidence that they can handle things and figure out how to work through anxious feelings. In fact, I'm doing them a huge disservice if I'm overly accommodating because that prevents them from having the chance to learn what to do on their own.
I really liked that it focused on what parents can do. In hindsight of course it seems obvious, but it was helpful for me to recognize that it's not my job to keep my kids from feeling anxious. Anxious feelings are a normal part of life, not inherently bad. As parent, I'm simply there to sideline support my child and express my confidence that they can handle things and figure out how to work through anxious feelings. In fact, I'm doing them a huge disservice if I'm overly accommodating because that prevents them from having the chance to learn what to do on their own.
December 24, 2021
Wow is this a fantastic book. First of all, the tone is compassionate. It is uplifiting. It is useful and pragmatic. It is clear. It makes so much sense. It explicates anxiety and is so *kind* in the way it explains how things have come to this point. I was so thrilled with how the book explained the problems, I only hoped that the solutions would be as good. And I believe they are. What a wonderful, wonderful book. There was only 1 little section of the entire book where I was not nodding along and thinking "Wow, this explains so much. Wow, this makes so much sense. Yes, this is amazing."
My favorite part of this program (aside from how KIND it is) is that you don't have any expectations from the child. It is all about what YOU the adult do. That makes it much more doable and the success is not dependent on the child going along with it.
My favorite part of this program (aside from how KIND it is) is that you don't have any expectations from the child. It is all about what YOU the adult do. That makes it much more doable and the success is not dependent on the child going along with it.
June 22, 2025
If you've never done anything or learned anything about your child's anxiety, then this book might be for you. However, it's very basic. As someone with anxiety myself and has been to therapy as well as parent of a child who also has anxiety and is in therapy, there is nothing new here.
The book is also verrrry repetitive. At the end of each chapter, it literally says "In this chapter you learned...." The book is not long enough to need a summary or things that are already pretty basic.
The book is also verrrry repetitive. At the end of each chapter, it literally says "In this chapter you learned...." The book is not long enough to need a summary or things that are already pretty basic.
September 17, 2021
I liked this. I have a much clearer understanding of anxiety now. I've begun to apply the author's strategy to our situation. Working well so far.
March 17, 2025
There is no parenting book that will ever be all encompassing or that no one will find problematic, so my rating and review are from my own lens as a parent who is an anxious person. It felt more like I was reading a book about me as a child vs my own children. While I would not call my kids particularly anxious, I found this book really helpful in how to approach some behaviors they exhibit.
First - therapy and medication are mentioned but briefly. This is really more of a “what can parents do at home” type of book.
Second - learning that parenting books are really about my own behavior and how I react to my kids vs trying to get them to change their behaviors was really impactful for me. Kids are going to be kids and they are separate human beings you can’t control. I appreciated this entire book was on parents controlling themselves vs trying to control their kids. Some may find the non-accommodating suggestions harsh, but the whole point of this book is that a parent’s job is not to eliminate their child’s anxiety, but help them learn to cope with it. I personally felt the book did a great job showing how to do this in a safe environment where no one is leaving kids to the wolves, and at the same time, having backup options that are not preferable to kids so they won’t continue repeating behavior to get their way. This ranges from a child refusing to get on bus gets to school a way other than parents (babysitter, friends parent) to a child threatening self harm and having safe, caring adults around them at all times to know it was taken seriously and so they can be aware of the impact of those threats (obviously different from situations that require emergency medical care).
Overall a non groundbreaking but beneficial read in my opinion for any parent, anxious child or not.
First - therapy and medication are mentioned but briefly. This is really more of a “what can parents do at home” type of book.
Second - learning that parenting books are really about my own behavior and how I react to my kids vs trying to get them to change their behaviors was really impactful for me. Kids are going to be kids and they are separate human beings you can’t control. I appreciated this entire book was on parents controlling themselves vs trying to control their kids. Some may find the non-accommodating suggestions harsh, but the whole point of this book is that a parent’s job is not to eliminate their child’s anxiety, but help them learn to cope with it. I personally felt the book did a great job showing how to do this in a safe environment where no one is leaving kids to the wolves, and at the same time, having backup options that are not preferable to kids so they won’t continue repeating behavior to get their way. This ranges from a child refusing to get on bus gets to school a way other than parents (babysitter, friends parent) to a child threatening self harm and having safe, caring adults around them at all times to know it was taken seriously and so they can be aware of the impact of those threats (obviously different from situations that require emergency medical care).
Overall a non groundbreaking but beneficial read in my opinion for any parent, anxious child or not.
March 20, 2024
Very helpful
This is a well-written, accessible guide which focuses on the changes we as parents can make to support our children. It has clear advice that is illustrated through anecdotes. Reading it gave me perspective where my son was and where he could be in terms of processing anxiety, and gave our family several useful tools for supporting him. Both my husband and I saw his coping improve drastically in a matter of weeks (and seems to be continuing as it has now been a few months) just by changing the language we use at home when he's struggling with anxiety and by removing accommodations for it. Highly recommended for any parent who worries about their child's anxiety - and the earlier you read it, the better!
This is a well-written, accessible guide which focuses on the changes we as parents can make to support our children. It has clear advice that is illustrated through anecdotes. Reading it gave me perspective where my son was and where he could be in terms of processing anxiety, and gave our family several useful tools for supporting him. Both my husband and I saw his coping improve drastically in a matter of weeks (and seems to be continuing as it has now been a few months) just by changing the language we use at home when he's struggling with anxiety and by removing accommodations for it. Highly recommended for any parent who worries about their child's anxiety - and the earlier you read it, the better!
July 1, 2022
This book had practical suggestions for parents and how parents can change their own behavior to not inadvertently increase their child's anxiety. I loved how the author provided both examples and non examples.
The last section on troubleshooting seemed a little oversimplified to me (maybe not the most realistic advice). I also found some of the example plans to be stricter in their non responding to questions than I would recommend but I certainly understand the reasoning. Overall a great and practical resource for parents who find themselves adjusting their lives to avoid their child's anxiety triggers. Probably my favorite book on childhood anxiety I've read so far.
The last section on troubleshooting seemed a little oversimplified to me (maybe not the most realistic advice). I also found some of the example plans to be stricter in their non responding to questions than I would recommend but I certainly understand the reasoning. Overall a great and practical resource for parents who find themselves adjusting their lives to avoid their child's anxiety triggers. Probably my favorite book on childhood anxiety I've read so far.
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September 15, 2023I haven’t been able to start trying the plan in this book yet so I can’t give a fair rating. However the book was easy to read and well-written, and the ideas seem very reasonable, so I’m optimistic about it.
August 13, 2024
Extremely helpful and TBH eye opening. I will be reading this again ASAP since I now purchased the book and will be doing the worksheets. Having lived with a daughter for 25 years with Anxiety, I truly now understand how to help her.
November 19, 2024
Een enigszins traag boek om doorheen te komen, veel herhaling, maar ewn goede boodschap en goede tips (ook voor hulpverleners die met ouders en/of kinderen werken).
Om het samen te vatten: verandering begint bij jezelf.
Om het samen te vatten: verandering begint bij jezelf.
January 1, 2022
Excellent book about how parents can help reduce anxiety in kids through their own behaviors. It’s limited in scope, but I found the information to be very useful.
August 6, 2022
Repetitive but useful. Clear and helpful. It makes all the sense in the world to focus on what you can control - your behavior.
November 3, 2023
This book was so helpful and full of useful information for parents who have a child with anxiety or OCD. I wish this would have been available when I was raising anxious kids, but I’ll use what I learned to try to help the parents of my clients with anxiety and OCD problems.
June 4, 2024
I highly recommend this book for any parents of anxious children. The simple straightforward strategy to cope with and reduce anxiety makes complete sense to me.
August 31, 2023
Informative with good practical advice.
May 16, 2024
Read this for a Masters course and ended up enjoying it so much that I bought a physical copy to highlight all over it! Very interesting! Great read as a parent but also for teachers!
December 26, 2024
2.5*
There are some good things in this book. But this book is probably helpful primarily for parents who have children who have sub-clinical (or completely nonclinical) anxiety. While there is a general disclaimer in the beginning that what's in this book may not be enough for all children and that extra support may be necessary, the content of the book implies otherwise and also misses opportunities to suggest it.
The overall thesis of this book is that kids are resilient and that we as parents can take steps to remove supports, which Lebowitz calls "accommodations," offer emotional support, and help them overcome their anxiety and OCD. This is generally true and I think helpful, but it's very simplistic. The argument is basically that if we don't feed the child's anxiety, they will realize they can cope with their anxiety on their own and thereby lessen their anxiety over time. This only works when the kids have neurotypical brains and non-clinical issues.
But this isn't enough. One example that the author gave that really frustrated me was a child with OCD who threatened to kill himself if his parents didn't accommodate his "need" to have all books properly alphabetized on the shelf. He argued the proper response was basically to take the child's threat seriously and make sure the child stayed safe (with constant supervision for a while) or take them to the ED to reinforce that there are consequences for such threats and to avoid being manipulated. There was not a single mention that at such a point, therapy should be pursued. Even if the child does not mean to follow through with the threat, the fact that the child's feelings were so out of control in that moment indicates that that child needs additional clinical support or at the VERY least, a psychiatric evaluation and some resources for OCD. Simply removing the accommodation and reassuring that child that they are strong enough and capable enough to overcome their OCD is woefully inadequate. Frankly, I'm having a hard time overlooking this attitude.
So, while there are some decent things in here for supporting kids with simple issues, this book is far too simplistic to be helpful for parents with children who have clinical anxiety or OCD.
There are some good things in this book. But this book is probably helpful primarily for parents who have children who have sub-clinical (or completely nonclinical) anxiety. While there is a general disclaimer in the beginning that what's in this book may not be enough for all children and that extra support may be necessary, the content of the book implies otherwise and also misses opportunities to suggest it.
The overall thesis of this book is that kids are resilient and that we as parents can take steps to remove supports, which Lebowitz calls "accommodations," offer emotional support, and help them overcome their anxiety and OCD. This is generally true and I think helpful, but it's very simplistic. The argument is basically that if we don't feed the child's anxiety, they will realize they can cope with their anxiety on their own and thereby lessen their anxiety over time. This only works when the kids have neurotypical brains and non-clinical issues.
But this isn't enough. One example that the author gave that really frustrated me was a child with OCD who threatened to kill himself if his parents didn't accommodate his "need" to have all books properly alphabetized on the shelf. He argued the proper response was basically to take the child's threat seriously and make sure the child stayed safe (with constant supervision for a while) or take them to the ED to reinforce that there are consequences for such threats and to avoid being manipulated. There was not a single mention that at such a point, therapy should be pursued. Even if the child does not mean to follow through with the threat, the fact that the child's feelings were so out of control in that moment indicates that that child needs additional clinical support or at the VERY least, a psychiatric evaluation and some resources for OCD. Simply removing the accommodation and reassuring that child that they are strong enough and capable enough to overcome their OCD is woefully inadequate. Frankly, I'm having a hard time overlooking this attitude.
So, while there are some decent things in here for supporting kids with simple issues, this book is far too simplistic to be helpful for parents with children who have clinical anxiety or OCD.
September 14, 2024
Excellent resource with applicable methods and examples
Displaying 1 - 30 of 148 reviews