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Tep Complejo: De Sobrevivir a Prosperar
El libro de Pete, TEP Complejo: de Sobrevivir a Prosperar, es una guía comprensible, fácil de leer, de autoayuda para recuperarse de los efectos remanentes del trauma infantil. Es un repaso de las tareas de recuperación y una iluminación de los aspectos positivos que pueden extraerse del trabajo de recuperación efectivo. Contiene una gran cantidad de herramientas prácticas y técnicas para recuperarse del TEPC. También está copiosamente ilustrada con ejemplos de los viajes de recuperación de otros y de él mismo.
322 pages, Paperback
First published December 13, 2013
8511 people are currently reading
41405 people want to read
About the author
Pete Walker
14 books581 followersPete Walker is a "general practitioner" who has a private practice in Berkeley, California, in the serene Claremont Hotel neighborhood. He has been working as a counselor, lecturer, writer and group leader for thirty-five years, and as a trainer, supervisor and consultant of other therapists for 20 years.
Pete Walker is a "general practitioner" who has a private practice in the Rockridge neighborhood of the San Francisco East Bay Area. He specializes in helping adults who were traumatized in childhood, especially those whose repeated exposure to abuse and/or neglect left them with the symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [Cptsd].
source: http://www.pete-walker.com
Pete has also experienced Complex PTSD.
Pete Walker is a "general practitioner" who has a private practice in the Rockridge neighborhood of the San Francisco East Bay Area. He specializes in helping adults who were traumatized in childhood, especially those whose repeated exposure to abuse and/or neglect left them with the symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [Cptsd].
source: http://www.pete-walker.com
Pete has also experienced Complex PTSD.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,365 reviews
April 3, 2017
Complex PTSD is one of the best books I’ve read on childhood trauma recovery.
Despite the long title, the book itself is not complex nor is it written in psycho-babble ra-ra. The author is grounded in that he himself has struggled with trauma recovery and it’s palpable that he wishes to impart the strategies and wisdom he has found to work for himself and others.
There are many elements that make this self-recovery book stand above others for me.
*The author speaks from experience as both a survivor and a therapist.
*Though acknowledging the trauma of physical and sexual abuse he primarily focuses on the the severe scarring of emotional abuse, abandonment, and neglect.
*He breaks down the survivor types and their characteristics into four groups, all which seemed spot on.
*Depending on which group you fall into, he gives key strategies to how you approach things and ways to recover in your style.
*He offers a swiss-army knife approach to working through the trauma. There is not a one size fits all solution.
*He explains why, if you’ve done a certain therapy before, it may not have “worked”.
*The author is vulnerable which spoke to me from a 1 to 1 view rather than from a preachy place.
*He offers many strategies and openly tells you to accept or leave what doesn’t fit for you.
*The strategies are practical and work.
When I picked this book up, it happens that I’ve been learning about and practicing a lot of what the author discussed so the strategies offered particularly resonated with me. Very importantly, he pointed out that talk therapy alone doesn’t work. Somatic therapy alone doesn’t work. Mindfulness alone doesn’t work. It’s truly a package approach to recovery.
Overall, this is an easy and intriguing read. Though I’ve read other self-recovery books, the author pointed out so many truths that I just haven’t seen articulated elsewhere which lead to a lot of personal epiphanies and A-ha moments.
I will be returning to this one a lot.
Great read.
Despite the long title, the book itself is not complex nor is it written in psycho-babble ra-ra. The author is grounded in that he himself has struggled with trauma recovery and it’s palpable that he wishes to impart the strategies and wisdom he has found to work for himself and others.
There are many elements that make this self-recovery book stand above others for me.
*The author speaks from experience as both a survivor and a therapist.
*Though acknowledging the trauma of physical and sexual abuse he primarily focuses on the the severe scarring of emotional abuse, abandonment, and neglect.
*He breaks down the survivor types and their characteristics into four groups, all which seemed spot on.
*Depending on which group you fall into, he gives key strategies to how you approach things and ways to recover in your style.
*He offers a swiss-army knife approach to working through the trauma. There is not a one size fits all solution.
*He explains why, if you’ve done a certain therapy before, it may not have “worked”.
*The author is vulnerable which spoke to me from a 1 to 1 view rather than from a preachy place.
*He offers many strategies and openly tells you to accept or leave what doesn’t fit for you.
*The strategies are practical and work.
When I picked this book up, it happens that I’ve been learning about and practicing a lot of what the author discussed so the strategies offered particularly resonated with me. Very importantly, he pointed out that talk therapy alone doesn’t work. Somatic therapy alone doesn’t work. Mindfulness alone doesn’t work. It’s truly a package approach to recovery.
Overall, this is an easy and intriguing read. Though I’ve read other self-recovery books, the author pointed out so many truths that I just haven’t seen articulated elsewhere which lead to a lot of personal epiphanies and A-ha moments.
I will be returning to this one a lot.
Great read.
July 15, 2022
There are fewer than 20 books i can think of that actually changed my life, and this is one of them.
Pete Walker outlines in clear understandable language what contributes to C-PTSD. This is definitely a layman's book and thank god, it's free from the endless anecdotes that infest most popular "self help" or psychology books that populate the ranks of Amazon best sellers.
Dr. Walker uses examples from his own life with humility and insight---a refreshing change from the hectoring and condescending tone found in this genre.
I had to read this book several times to absorb the information and come to discomfiting realizations about my own life. Thanks to this book, I went on to further research on the topic of developmental trauma, and am learning more every week.
Excellent book on a very hard topic.
Pete Walker outlines in clear understandable language what contributes to C-PTSD. This is definitely a layman's book and thank god, it's free from the endless anecdotes that infest most popular "self help" or psychology books that populate the ranks of Amazon best sellers.
Dr. Walker uses examples from his own life with humility and insight---a refreshing change from the hectoring and condescending tone found in this genre.
I had to read this book several times to absorb the information and come to discomfiting realizations about my own life. Thanks to this book, I went on to further research on the topic of developmental trauma, and am learning more every week.
Excellent book on a very hard topic.
May 26, 2017
We all are familiar with PTSD. Most often in the news concerning returning veterans. Walker's books is about Complex PTSD (cPTSD.) The added 'c' essentially extends many of the ideas of trauma recovery to childhood developmental traumas. Most specifically childhood traumas arising from poor parenting and troubled home environments.
It is delineated by common features: emotional flashbacks (unlike PTSD there is not usually visual component), toxic shame (directly drawing from the work of John Bradshaw Healing the Shame that Binds You, self-abandonment (carrying on abandonment with self sabotage even when out of toxic environment), a vicious inner critic (typically turned against self and not those who screwed you over) and social anxiety.
A common result of toxic parenting is feeling of abandonment and depression, which turns to fear and shame, this activates an overly defensive toxic inner-critic, which relentlessly moves us into an adrenaline fueled fight/fight response. Over time this can lead to (naming a few) low self-esteem, low self-compassion, little motivation and insidiously repeating the bad relationship dynamics with problems like codependency. Walker expands the fight/flight response into what he calls the 4F's.
The 4F's are as follows: Fight - a narcissistic dominance of others, Flight - anxious productivity, Freeze - disassociation into right brain fantasizing or even left brain intellectualizing , and Fawning trying to be pleasing or helpful to forestall rejection and angry responses. All are often accompanied by social isolation that only reinforces the shame and fear.
It is not real necessary to spend too much time figuring out which one may apply because they are inexact and vary in degrees and can work together. But, the fundamentals of Walker's relationship therapy apply to all of them. In part, turning shame, that is essentially blame turned wrongly against the self, to the real source.
Flashbacks and the inner-critic are the driving forces from trauma rooted in abandonment issues. Childhood abuse both physical, and that resulting from neglect where nobody was ever physically harmed, create an understandable reaction. A child by nature compensates for the weaknesses of parents: like soothing the violent household by being overly agreeable (fawning) and being vigilant for signs of violent behavior, parenting siblings for absent parent, accepting complete lack of attention as the-way-things-are and never forming any interests, and hundreds of other issues big and small.
I wrote in my review of a Waking the Tiger by Peter A. Levine that Levine sees traumatic fight/flight as a natural response to events and that the problems arise only when the higher rational neo-cortex gets stuck in its release of that trauma after the triggering event has passed.
Walker might agree. The toxic inner-critic, through flashbacks and shame, not only keeps the emotions from the triggering events fresh, but through random happenstance adds many others via association. It can really be ANYTHING, the color of a car, mustaches, broken objects, dirt, a reoccurring dream. The effect is what matters. The mind recalls unresolved toxic experiences (often just the emotion, may take time to trace the source), ruminates on them, and starts to feel guilt, and many other emotions that ultimately puts the one experiencing into the 4F responses. A sequence of triggered negative thinking often called a 'shame spiral.' Typically self-inflicted, though, toxic relationships may fuel this inner dialogue as a means of control.
The effects of such a flashback can be observed in MRI, it is an over activation of the right brain where emotion and childhood memory reside and greatly deactivated left brain activity in the areas of reason. There is a saying, 'to be in your right mind,' which is used to suggest mental stability. But in this case, being too much in the right mind creates emotional struggles deprived of reason.
The basis of healing is often to restore a healthy level of anger for self-defense. Anger is also a right brain emotion, that properly directed, can aggressively short-circuit the inner-critic not by attacking the self but outward to irrational fears, and toxic relationships. A luxury a small dependent child can't use to protect against a toxic environment, but an adult can.
The therapy would then extend to grieving for the pain and loss, and then using techniques of mindfulness and self-compassion to restore order in the mind. The last step actually leads to increasing the connective network between left and right brain so that the two can resolve issues in conjunction.
At the heart of an effective treatment is a trusted relationship. This relationship should provide a safe and empathetic connection to help sit with the affects. Attachment disorder often accompanies cPTSD. So the first step in attaching to unsettled mind, is connecting to a trustful and safe model.
Walker writes, 'without the development of a modicum of trust with me, my cPTSD clients are seriously delimited in their receptivity to my guidance, as well as the ameliorative effects of my empathy.'
Four keys to development of trust for a therapist (also acts as modeling): Empathy - through listening, mirroring, paraphrasing, validation of emotions. Authentic Vulnerability - I am a vulnerable person like you but can model that it is safe to feel and express all emotions, balanced emotional self-disclosure, Dialogicality - a balanced conversation between speaking and listening, not just therapist lecturing or client rambling but a conversation that works toward feelings and then feeling the affects, and Collaborative Relationship Repair Walker states, '... probably the most transformative, intimacy building process that a therapist can model.' Misattunements and disaffection are common to every relationship of substance. Working through the disaffection, while immediately affecting safety of relationship, can be a deeper relationship (through the fair-weather-friend-stage).
Walker is a practitioner with decades of experience, much of that comes through, he can repeat same ideas in different ways so may need to read then skip about. This is not a be all, end all, just one practitioner's framing of his counseling experience. There is not a particular method (no copyrighted and protected system like Levine) as much as it provides a basis around which the problems of trauma treatment might be discussed. This is a long book but he is careful to identify how many of our toxic thoughts manifest themselves.
It is delineated by common features: emotional flashbacks (unlike PTSD there is not usually visual component), toxic shame (directly drawing from the work of John Bradshaw Healing the Shame that Binds You, self-abandonment (carrying on abandonment with self sabotage even when out of toxic environment), a vicious inner critic (typically turned against self and not those who screwed you over) and social anxiety.
A common result of toxic parenting is feeling of abandonment and depression, which turns to fear and shame, this activates an overly defensive toxic inner-critic, which relentlessly moves us into an adrenaline fueled fight/fight response. Over time this can lead to (naming a few) low self-esteem, low self-compassion, little motivation and insidiously repeating the bad relationship dynamics with problems like codependency. Walker expands the fight/flight response into what he calls the 4F's.
The 4F's are as follows: Fight - a narcissistic dominance of others, Flight - anxious productivity, Freeze - disassociation into right brain fantasizing or even left brain intellectualizing , and Fawning trying to be pleasing or helpful to forestall rejection and angry responses. All are often accompanied by social isolation that only reinforces the shame and fear.
It is not real necessary to spend too much time figuring out which one may apply because they are inexact and vary in degrees and can work together. But, the fundamentals of Walker's relationship therapy apply to all of them. In part, turning shame, that is essentially blame turned wrongly against the self, to the real source.
Flashbacks and the inner-critic are the driving forces from trauma rooted in abandonment issues. Childhood abuse both physical, and that resulting from neglect where nobody was ever physically harmed, create an understandable reaction. A child by nature compensates for the weaknesses of parents: like soothing the violent household by being overly agreeable (fawning) and being vigilant for signs of violent behavior, parenting siblings for absent parent, accepting complete lack of attention as the-way-things-are and never forming any interests, and hundreds of other issues big and small.
I wrote in my review of a Waking the Tiger by Peter A. Levine that Levine sees traumatic fight/flight as a natural response to events and that the problems arise only when the higher rational neo-cortex gets stuck in its release of that trauma after the triggering event has passed.
Walker might agree. The toxic inner-critic, through flashbacks and shame, not only keeps the emotions from the triggering events fresh, but through random happenstance adds many others via association. It can really be ANYTHING, the color of a car, mustaches, broken objects, dirt, a reoccurring dream. The effect is what matters. The mind recalls unresolved toxic experiences (often just the emotion, may take time to trace the source), ruminates on them, and starts to feel guilt, and many other emotions that ultimately puts the one experiencing into the 4F responses. A sequence of triggered negative thinking often called a 'shame spiral.' Typically self-inflicted, though, toxic relationships may fuel this inner dialogue as a means of control.
The effects of such a flashback can be observed in MRI, it is an over activation of the right brain where emotion and childhood memory reside and greatly deactivated left brain activity in the areas of reason. There is a saying, 'to be in your right mind,' which is used to suggest mental stability. But in this case, being too much in the right mind creates emotional struggles deprived of reason.
The basis of healing is often to restore a healthy level of anger for self-defense. Anger is also a right brain emotion, that properly directed, can aggressively short-circuit the inner-critic not by attacking the self but outward to irrational fears, and toxic relationships. A luxury a small dependent child can't use to protect against a toxic environment, but an adult can.
A left-brained, objective approach of embracing critic is rarely helpful unless it is balanced with subjective, right-brained capacity for assertive self-protection. Perhaps this is because the inner critic appears to operate simultaneously with right-brain flashback dynamics. Perhaps toxic inner critic processes are so emotionally overwhelming that efforts to resist them rationally and dispassionately are too weak to be effective. p. 183
The therapy would then extend to grieving for the pain and loss, and then using techniques of mindfulness and self-compassion to restore order in the mind. The last step actually leads to increasing the connective network between left and right brain so that the two can resolve issues in conjunction.
At the heart of an effective treatment is a trusted relationship. This relationship should provide a safe and empathetic connection to help sit with the affects. Attachment disorder often accompanies cPTSD. So the first step in attaching to unsettled mind, is connecting to a trustful and safe model.
Walker writes, 'without the development of a modicum of trust with me, my cPTSD clients are seriously delimited in their receptivity to my guidance, as well as the ameliorative effects of my empathy.'
Four keys to development of trust for a therapist (also acts as modeling): Empathy - through listening, mirroring, paraphrasing, validation of emotions. Authentic Vulnerability - I am a vulnerable person like you but can model that it is safe to feel and express all emotions, balanced emotional self-disclosure, Dialogicality - a balanced conversation between speaking and listening, not just therapist lecturing or client rambling but a conversation that works toward feelings and then feeling the affects, and Collaborative Relationship Repair Walker states, '... probably the most transformative, intimacy building process that a therapist can model.' Misattunements and disaffection are common to every relationship of substance. Working through the disaffection, while immediately affecting safety of relationship, can be a deeper relationship (through the fair-weather-friend-stage).
Walker is a practitioner with decades of experience, much of that comes through, he can repeat same ideas in different ways so may need to read then skip about. This is not a be all, end all, just one practitioner's framing of his counseling experience. There is not a particular method (no copyrighted and protected system like Levine) as much as it provides a basis around which the problems of trauma treatment might be discussed. This is a long book but he is careful to identify how many of our toxic thoughts manifest themselves.
November 24, 2019
NOTE: this book is good for therapists, clients and people trying to help themselves and/or a loved one.
Don’t let the therpaist talk scare you off.
That being said.
This book is by a therapist, not a researcher, and therefore needs a bit of a disclaimer.
Read on if you’re so inclined......
Some therapists come to the work as somewhat ‘normal’ well adjusted folk.
They heal by sharing their stability, training, intelligence, evidence and good old ‘common sense’.
Others come to this work having gone through some terrible ordeal, and (hopefully) emerged from the recovery process with something uniquely personal, and powerfully inspirational to contribute.
They heal by sharing their hard earned experience, strength, hope and wise intuition.
Other therapists are both/and or somewhere in the middle.
They use their personal experiences of recovery as a foundation for the research and development of therapeutic techniques and modalities.
They heal by putting their personal insights and wisdom under the microscope of critical thinking and evidence based methods.
That’s the ‘research is me-search’ model. And Pete Walker (the author of this book) is somewhere in this camp.
He’s open about his own recovery process.
This book is clearly the product of personal experience.
And that’s a powerful and good thing.
Although, far from perfect, and somewhat home spun, this book represents the authors ‘good enough’ efforts at bringing clarity and precision to the still murky subject of developmental trauma and subsequent Complex PTSD.
And it’s good.
It’s really good.
Developmental trauma and Complex PTSD refer to the type of ‘small t’ (as opposed to CAPITAL T) trauma, and the resulting ‘symptoms’ that one can develop over a long period of exposure to chronic stressor(s).
Take for example: your standard ‘fucked up childhood’ where there may not have been (much or any) overt abuse or neglect, but rather a longer term exposure to unpredictability, or pervasive emotional dysregulation.
In other words, there isn’t any one thing you can recall as the thing that fucked you up.
There was just a fucked up (or very fucked up) situation that you adjusted to over the course of your development, and now you’re (somewhat or very) out of step, or miss-calibrated with the rest those lucky ‘normal’ (bastards) people.
This type of exposure commonly leads to a general sense of unease (mild to awful).
You know....
When you’re always waiting for the bottom to fall out?
Or you’re always ready for the other shoe to drop?
No matter how objectively good the present situation is, you’re always a little bit keyed up, on edge and suspicious.
That’s called chronic ‘hyper-vigilance’, and it’s no way to live.
Other symptoms include that nagging feeling of inferiority, or shame, or a sense that you’re broken, or unintegrated, or missing something that those other lucky ‘normie’ kids just seem to have without trying.
That’s called internalized abuse and neglect and it’s a common outcome of exposure to an afore mentioned fucked up childhood.
Or a fucked up adolescence.
Or a fucked up culture, society, job, relationship, etc.
And again.
Toxic shame is no way to live.
There’s great treatment for all of this.
And that’s what this book is about.
The reason the Complex PTSD thing is murky, is because it’s not officially recognized by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and is thusly not in the APA’s diagnostic manual (the Bible of psychiatry) the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 5th ed. (DSM5).
This means that the area is lacking the same level of discourse, evidence and research funding. All that important good stuff. In other words, it’s outside of the mainstream of psychiatry.
Not necessarily a bad thing.
Not necessarily a good thing.
But a thing none the less.
The fact that the APA is somewhat conservative about their inclusion of Complex PTSD as a thing, means that people can get a little whipped up about the subject.
This leads to a sort of cult like atmosphere in the trauma treatment community where every little thing is conceptualized in terms of trauma, even bi-polar and schizophrenic symptoms, and perhaps, most annoyingly, addiction.
News Flash: not every aspect of addiction is related to trauma. It’s a complicated syndrome with biological, psychological and social risk and protective factors.
People in the trauma cult think that (a) you can cure every case of addiction by treating the underlying trauma, and (b) if the client reports no history of trauma, they are in denial.
A: you can’t.
B: cut it out.
That being said.
Complex PTSD - whether you call it that, or by any other name, is clearly a real thing, and therapists need good ways to conceptualize, diagnose, educate and treat our clients that present with this very very real real real thing.
This book is a GREAT start.
It’s good for therpaist and clients alike.
That’s one of the major strengths of the text.
So get it.
Read it.
Take what is useful.
Pitch the rest.
And let’s all of us join together in the hope of making this world a better place for healing and being.
Five Stars ✨
Don’t let the therpaist talk scare you off.
That being said.
This book is by a therapist, not a researcher, and therefore needs a bit of a disclaimer.
Read on if you’re so inclined......
Some therapists come to the work as somewhat ‘normal’ well adjusted folk.
They heal by sharing their stability, training, intelligence, evidence and good old ‘common sense’.
Others come to this work having gone through some terrible ordeal, and (hopefully) emerged from the recovery process with something uniquely personal, and powerfully inspirational to contribute.
They heal by sharing their hard earned experience, strength, hope and wise intuition.
Other therapists are both/and or somewhere in the middle.
They use their personal experiences of recovery as a foundation for the research and development of therapeutic techniques and modalities.
They heal by putting their personal insights and wisdom under the microscope of critical thinking and evidence based methods.
That’s the ‘research is me-search’ model. And Pete Walker (the author of this book) is somewhere in this camp.
He’s open about his own recovery process.
This book is clearly the product of personal experience.
And that’s a powerful and good thing.
Although, far from perfect, and somewhat home spun, this book represents the authors ‘good enough’ efforts at bringing clarity and precision to the still murky subject of developmental trauma and subsequent Complex PTSD.
And it’s good.
It’s really good.
Developmental trauma and Complex PTSD refer to the type of ‘small t’ (as opposed to CAPITAL T) trauma, and the resulting ‘symptoms’ that one can develop over a long period of exposure to chronic stressor(s).
Take for example: your standard ‘fucked up childhood’ where there may not have been (much or any) overt abuse or neglect, but rather a longer term exposure to unpredictability, or pervasive emotional dysregulation.
In other words, there isn’t any one thing you can recall as the thing that fucked you up.
There was just a fucked up (or very fucked up) situation that you adjusted to over the course of your development, and now you’re (somewhat or very) out of step, or miss-calibrated with the rest those lucky ‘normal’ (bastards) people.
This type of exposure commonly leads to a general sense of unease (mild to awful).
You know....
When you’re always waiting for the bottom to fall out?
Or you’re always ready for the other shoe to drop?
No matter how objectively good the present situation is, you’re always a little bit keyed up, on edge and suspicious.
That’s called chronic ‘hyper-vigilance’, and it’s no way to live.
Other symptoms include that nagging feeling of inferiority, or shame, or a sense that you’re broken, or unintegrated, or missing something that those other lucky ‘normie’ kids just seem to have without trying.
That’s called internalized abuse and neglect and it’s a common outcome of exposure to an afore mentioned fucked up childhood.
Or a fucked up adolescence.
Or a fucked up culture, society, job, relationship, etc.
And again.
Toxic shame is no way to live.
There’s great treatment for all of this.
And that’s what this book is about.
The reason the Complex PTSD thing is murky, is because it’s not officially recognized by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and is thusly not in the APA’s diagnostic manual (the Bible of psychiatry) the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 5th ed. (DSM5).
This means that the area is lacking the same level of discourse, evidence and research funding. All that important good stuff. In other words, it’s outside of the mainstream of psychiatry.
Not necessarily a bad thing.
Not necessarily a good thing.
But a thing none the less.
The fact that the APA is somewhat conservative about their inclusion of Complex PTSD as a thing, means that people can get a little whipped up about the subject.
This leads to a sort of cult like atmosphere in the trauma treatment community where every little thing is conceptualized in terms of trauma, even bi-polar and schizophrenic symptoms, and perhaps, most annoyingly, addiction.
News Flash: not every aspect of addiction is related to trauma. It’s a complicated syndrome with biological, psychological and social risk and protective factors.
People in the trauma cult think that (a) you can cure every case of addiction by treating the underlying trauma, and (b) if the client reports no history of trauma, they are in denial.
A: you can’t.
B: cut it out.
That being said.
Complex PTSD - whether you call it that, or by any other name, is clearly a real thing, and therapists need good ways to conceptualize, diagnose, educate and treat our clients that present with this very very real real real thing.
This book is a GREAT start.
It’s good for therpaist and clients alike.
That’s one of the major strengths of the text.
So get it.
Read it.
Take what is useful.
Pitch the rest.
And let’s all of us join together in the hope of making this world a better place for healing and being.
Five Stars ✨
January 27, 2021
Words cannot describe how important this book has been to me; it has changed my life. The insights offered into my own life and psyche by Pete Walker in this book are nothing less than revelatory. Mr. Walker offers brilliant, seemingly omniscient insight into not just PTSD but childhood trauma in general, and offers a clear, concise approach to recovery.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has PTSD, or anyone who has experienced, or even thinks they may have experienced, any form of childhood trauma. This isn't your typical trite self-help book; it's the real deal.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has PTSD, or anyone who has experienced, or even thinks they may have experienced, any form of childhood trauma. This isn't your typical trite self-help book; it's the real deal.
February 9, 2020
I normally wouldn’t write a review after a two-hour cursory glance at a book, but this skim-through told me that I wasn’t going to inflict myself a full read, and still made me so, ahem, angry that I had to share my opinion about it.
If you’re going to write a book directed at childhood trauma victims, and vary your approach depending on what their go-to response to trauma was/is (fight, flight, freeze or fawn), why treat three of these categories with respect and compassion and offer them useful advice, and treat the fourth with contempt as irredeemably bad,
“untreatable” people, who don’t actually want to get better and are just lumped under the slur “narcissist”? (Yes, narcissism exists, and narcissist isn’t normally a slur, but it becomes one when used to vaguely lump together all ”very bad people you want to avoid”). No, all angry people aren’t narcissists — I’m not— and all people with strong narcissistic traits aren’t abusive monsters either.
I understand the author’s mother was an angry type; it seems to have colored his perception of anger, and I get where he’s coming from. I know everything about what it feels like to have a caretaker scream at you and physically assault you. But I am not a monster because my young self chose to emulate them before I even knew what I was doing, and I am not a monster because I hugely struggle to shed the anger now that its purpose has gone. Said purpose was, largely, to remain conscious at some level that I didn’t deserve the abuse heaped on me and that what was happening to me was not normal. Also, anger was one of the few things that would sometimes get me attention (under the form of being screamed at or hit, but it was still better than total isolation), so it’s kind of hard-wired in me that “this is how you get attention”.
While reading, I had to constantly remind myself that I was not a bad person and that I was doing the best I can (both things are true), but I still felt insulted and shamed. And then it hit me: this book was victimizing me just like my caretakers were. Each time I expressed anger as a child I was treated like a disgusting abomination who didn’t deserve to live. That’s how this book treated me too.
Also, fight isn’t my main style (freeze would be, though I do have serious anger issues), but there is no mention of a freeze-fight style, and the vignette of the fight-freeze style is not only unsympathetic and even contemptuous (remember? “Fight”= bad person), it also has nothing to do with me whatsoever.
Last remark, the author uses several time the phrase “unfairly diagnosed”. That’s an odd phrase. You can get wrongly diagnosed, but you can’t get “unfairly” diagnosed. Diagnoses are not slurs or condamnations; they just mean you present an ensemble of traits that make you fall under a nosologic entity. I think this phrase is symptomatic of the fact that the author has deep-seated prejudices against a variety of psychiatric conditions which he sees as a reflection of a person’s value and as the proof that someone is irredimably lost for humanity. It’s validist and it’s wrong.
If you’re going to write a book directed at childhood trauma victims, and vary your approach depending on what their go-to response to trauma was/is (fight, flight, freeze or fawn), why treat three of these categories with respect and compassion and offer them useful advice, and treat the fourth with contempt as irredeemably bad,
“untreatable” people, who don’t actually want to get better and are just lumped under the slur “narcissist”? (Yes, narcissism exists, and narcissist isn’t normally a slur, but it becomes one when used to vaguely lump together all ”very bad people you want to avoid”). No, all angry people aren’t narcissists — I’m not— and all people with strong narcissistic traits aren’t abusive monsters either.
I understand the author’s mother was an angry type; it seems to have colored his perception of anger, and I get where he’s coming from. I know everything about what it feels like to have a caretaker scream at you and physically assault you. But I am not a monster because my young self chose to emulate them before I even knew what I was doing, and I am not a monster because I hugely struggle to shed the anger now that its purpose has gone. Said purpose was, largely, to remain conscious at some level that I didn’t deserve the abuse heaped on me and that what was happening to me was not normal. Also, anger was one of the few things that would sometimes get me attention (under the form of being screamed at or hit, but it was still better than total isolation), so it’s kind of hard-wired in me that “this is how you get attention”.
While reading, I had to constantly remind myself that I was not a bad person and that I was doing the best I can (both things are true), but I still felt insulted and shamed. And then it hit me: this book was victimizing me just like my caretakers were. Each time I expressed anger as a child I was treated like a disgusting abomination who didn’t deserve to live. That’s how this book treated me too.
Also, fight isn’t my main style (freeze would be, though I do have serious anger issues), but there is no mention of a freeze-fight style, and the vignette of the fight-freeze style is not only unsympathetic and even contemptuous (remember? “Fight”= bad person), it also has nothing to do with me whatsoever.
Last remark, the author uses several time the phrase “unfairly diagnosed”. That’s an odd phrase. You can get wrongly diagnosed, but you can’t get “unfairly” diagnosed. Diagnoses are not slurs or condamnations; they just mean you present an ensemble of traits that make you fall under a nosologic entity. I think this phrase is symptomatic of the fact that the author has deep-seated prejudices against a variety of psychiatric conditions which he sees as a reflection of a person’s value and as the proof that someone is irredimably lost for humanity. It’s validist and it’s wrong.
Read
September 20, 2023I can't rate this--my feelings are too mixed--but here's a short review.
So, first things first: C-PTSD is not in the DSM and therefore isn't an official diagnosis, though there are a lot of websites that talk about it and some mental health professionals that (claim to?) specialize in it anyway. Whether or not something is in the DSM isn't the be-all and end-all of psychological care as it's a text summarizing current state of thinking on a very fuzzy subject rather than some kind of textbook relying on hard science and numbers. Still, I'd prefer my fuzzy subjects to be as little fuzzy as possible, so I reserve extra skepticism for diagnoses in their pre-DSM days.
That said, everything I've ever read about C-PTSD has rung like a bell, and this book has often been recommended to me, and has been on my wish list forever, so I finally got the audio version and listened through. If anything, I find it even more relatable now. Aspects of coping strategies that I had no understanding of are apparently perfectly typical, and the way he describes the process makes sense (eg. when you stop directing the internalized voices of your parents at yourself, you will start directing them at other people, and your inner critic becomes an outer critic--but the answer to both is to understand what's happening and direct your anger at the root cause).
If you're looking for a book to make sense of where you are and how you function, I'd recommend the book. I do have some serious reservations, however:
1. A bunch of the content appears to be available on the author's website. I'd recommend going there and reading what's available and then seeing if you still want to read the book.
2. The book is quite sexist in parts, claiming that a mother's function is love and a father's is protection. Granted that neither of my parents did either of these things and the outcome of that is 100% what Walker describes; this does not negate that love and protection can come from either parent without reference to their gender identity or genitals, or even another adult outside the family.
3. The book is written by someone with a fair chunk of privilege, and I can't help but think that this will limit the utility of his advice on healing. For example, he assumes that healing can happen in adulthood because you leave a dangerous family home for an adulthood where you can make yourself safe due to your greater age, size, and overall power. This is undoubtedly true for straight, white, abled, well-off white dudes like Pete (with a caveat or two about the repetition compulsion, as described in the book). But if you are disabled, or if you are low-income and your only employment opportunities expose you to risk, or if you are at constant threat of losing your housing, etc. etc., the presumption that you will be safer in adulthood by default and thus able to begin the process of healing is seriously problematic.
On a related but for me more troubling vein, I wonder how our ecological crises will undercut this ideal as well for even the relatively privileged. How safe are we all going to be, really, in the future? I took refuge in nature myself as often as I could, growing up, and I've wondered often the last many years about what the impacts will be on future generations of abused kids when the outside world and nature are also sources of danger and trauma. Where will people go to be safe and heal?
4. There's not much direction or suggestions about how to heal. There's some information about the sort of overall healing progression, some ideas of what's associated with each stage, chapters of affirmations, steps to deal with emotional flashbacks, but I think the assumption is that the serious work will be done with a live human (professionally or otherwise) rather than through this book.
If you can get it through a library first, or read articles on the author's website, before deciding to purchase, I'd recommend it.
As aside: it was wild to watch my mind dissociating from the content, particularly in the sections about dissociation. Some anecdote particularly close to my own life would be shared and, zip! Off my mind would go, trapped in some loop or flashback or daydream until five minutes later or more when, wait a minute, what did I miss? This does mean that there might be more solutions-focused material than I gave the book credit for, though all the dissociation triggers were very much not proposed solutions. I may have to listen to the book again a few more times before I can actually hear the entire thing (another reason it's not rated).
So, first things first: C-PTSD is not in the DSM and therefore isn't an official diagnosis, though there are a lot of websites that talk about it and some mental health professionals that (claim to?) specialize in it anyway. Whether or not something is in the DSM isn't the be-all and end-all of psychological care as it's a text summarizing current state of thinking on a very fuzzy subject rather than some kind of textbook relying on hard science and numbers. Still, I'd prefer my fuzzy subjects to be as little fuzzy as possible, so I reserve extra skepticism for diagnoses in their pre-DSM days.
That said, everything I've ever read about C-PTSD has rung like a bell, and this book has often been recommended to me, and has been on my wish list forever, so I finally got the audio version and listened through. If anything, I find it even more relatable now. Aspects of coping strategies that I had no understanding of are apparently perfectly typical, and the way he describes the process makes sense (eg. when you stop directing the internalized voices of your parents at yourself, you will start directing them at other people, and your inner critic becomes an outer critic--but the answer to both is to understand what's happening and direct your anger at the root cause).
If you're looking for a book to make sense of where you are and how you function, I'd recommend the book. I do have some serious reservations, however:
1. A bunch of the content appears to be available on the author's website. I'd recommend going there and reading what's available and then seeing if you still want to read the book.
2. The book is quite sexist in parts, claiming that a mother's function is love and a father's is protection. Granted that neither of my parents did either of these things and the outcome of that is 100% what Walker describes; this does not negate that love and protection can come from either parent without reference to their gender identity or genitals, or even another adult outside the family.
3. The book is written by someone with a fair chunk of privilege, and I can't help but think that this will limit the utility of his advice on healing. For example, he assumes that healing can happen in adulthood because you leave a dangerous family home for an adulthood where you can make yourself safe due to your greater age, size, and overall power. This is undoubtedly true for straight, white, abled, well-off white dudes like Pete (with a caveat or two about the repetition compulsion, as described in the book). But if you are disabled, or if you are low-income and your only employment opportunities expose you to risk, or if you are at constant threat of losing your housing, etc. etc., the presumption that you will be safer in adulthood by default and thus able to begin the process of healing is seriously problematic.
On a related but for me more troubling vein, I wonder how our ecological crises will undercut this ideal as well for even the relatively privileged. How safe are we all going to be, really, in the future? I took refuge in nature myself as often as I could, growing up, and I've wondered often the last many years about what the impacts will be on future generations of abused kids when the outside world and nature are also sources of danger and trauma. Where will people go to be safe and heal?
4. There's not much direction or suggestions about how to heal. There's some information about the sort of overall healing progression, some ideas of what's associated with each stage, chapters of affirmations, steps to deal with emotional flashbacks, but I think the assumption is that the serious work will be done with a live human (professionally or otherwise) rather than through this book.
If you can get it through a library first, or read articles on the author's website, before deciding to purchase, I'd recommend it.
As aside: it was wild to watch my mind dissociating from the content, particularly in the sections about dissociation. Some anecdote particularly close to my own life would be shared and, zip! Off my mind would go, trapped in some loop or flashback or daydream until five minutes later or more when, wait a minute, what did I miss? This does mean that there might be more solutions-focused material than I gave the book credit for, though all the dissociation triggers were very much not proposed solutions. I may have to listen to the book again a few more times before I can actually hear the entire thing (another reason it's not rated).
September 5, 2015
I would highly recommend this book. It is written by someone who suffers from CPTSD. At times, the text might feel superfluous, but in fact, it is good for explaining the points the author is making.
WARNING: It can be a very triggering read. I found that I could only read it in small bits. And, at times, triggering is healing. You have to be ready to look at yourself and be willing to accept truths as you read them.
The books is well written. The insight very helpful. Add this to other modes of healing and if you're looking to work through your own trauma, it will be well worth your time.
WARNING: It can be a very triggering read. I found that I could only read it in small bits. And, at times, triggering is healing. You have to be ready to look at yourself and be willing to accept truths as you read them.
The books is well written. The insight very helpful. Add this to other modes of healing and if you're looking to work through your own trauma, it will be well worth your time.
February 9, 2014
Absolutely excellent. Anyone who had an abusive/neglectful childhood should read this book, whether you have a formal diagnosis of CPTSD or not. Practical advice on learning to be free from toxic shame and the inner critic.
June 1, 2021
Pete Walker nos presenta el TEPC (Trastorno por Estrés Postraumático Complejo), una de las múltiples secuelas que podrías tener si has crecido en un ambiente familiar nocivo. Se engloba en autoayuda pero Pete recalca varias veces la importancia de terapeutas (hasta da consejos sobre cómo elegir).
Un libro para comprender que tenemos derecho a pedir ayuda (si es que podemos, porque el acceso a profesionales de salud mental sigue siendo un privilegio), comprender las secuelas del maltrato infantil y conocer el TEPC. Agradezco los recursos al final, las herramientas y la pequeña bibliografía. ¡Y que recalque el dichoso tema del perdón! En algunos casos el perdón NO es una opción.
Su gran problema es la traducción al español. No entiendo mucho de traducciones así que igual me equivoco, solo sé que muchas frases y palabras eran extrañas o parecían que no estaban colocadas como debería. Si tenéis oportunidad, leedlo en inglés.
Un libro para comprender que tenemos derecho a pedir ayuda (si es que podemos, porque el acceso a profesionales de salud mental sigue siendo un privilegio), comprender las secuelas del maltrato infantil y conocer el TEPC. Agradezco los recursos al final, las herramientas y la pequeña bibliografía. ¡Y que recalque el dichoso tema del perdón! En algunos casos el perdón NO es una opción.
Su gran problema es la traducción al español. No entiendo mucho de traducciones así que igual me equivoco, solo sé que muchas frases y palabras eran extrañas o parecían que no estaban colocadas como debería. Si tenéis oportunidad, leedlo en inglés.
May 6, 2020
About 25% of the way through this book, I realized that I don't trust this author. I don't doubt that he has a very good perspective on a certain type of trauma experience, but it's really just *his* experience. He's very much stuck in his own recovery, and yet speaks with great authority to everyone else's. This is not a useless book if you haven't had his specific type of trauma experience, but it will try to gaslight you into thinking you did, so reader beware. The author is exactly the type of person I would not want as a therapist.
February 13, 2022
As a therapist I think this book is very outdated and harmful in some ways- outdated gender norms and non inclusive, only relying on his own experience and not other research, does not include all 4F combo types, writes off those with borderline and narcissist diagnosis as "out of luck/can't change", some outdated neuroscience and sometimes the tone was just gimicky- granted it was written a decade ago but he could of updated it.
I do think it can be helpful for a basic overview of the 4Fs- it's clearly explained and validating for the types he does like/have experience with and did have some good techniques.
I would suggest instead all of Bruce Perry, Bonnie Badenoch, Daniel Siegel (which can be hard to understand so start with "The Neurobiology of We" first) and Peter Levine's work as well as "The Power of Discord" by Tronik, "Childhood Disrupted "and "The Body Keeps the Score" with the caveats that these last two can be triggering and should probably be read with a therapist or after you've done some trauma groundwork.
I do think it can be helpful for a basic overview of the 4Fs- it's clearly explained and validating for the types he does like/have experience with and did have some good techniques.
I would suggest instead all of Bruce Perry, Bonnie Badenoch, Daniel Siegel (which can be hard to understand so start with "The Neurobiology of We" first) and Peter Levine's work as well as "The Power of Discord" by Tronik, "Childhood Disrupted "and "The Body Keeps the Score" with the caveats that these last two can be triggering and should probably be read with a therapist or after you've done some trauma groundwork.
June 4, 2017
10 stars
This is the best and most helpful book I've ever read and reading it was the most encouraging thing I've done in years.
Finally someone understands me. Finally I don't feel like a lost case, a weird psycho, the only one in the universe suffering from an array of psychological problems that sometimes show for no obvious reason.
This book gave me hope which I lacked for years. There's a very long and difficult journey in front of me, but I don't mind. After reading this book, I know there's a hope and solution for me.
This is the best and most helpful book I've ever read and reading it was the most encouraging thing I've done in years.
Finally someone understands me. Finally I don't feel like a lost case, a weird psycho, the only one in the universe suffering from an array of psychological problems that sometimes show for no obvious reason.
This book gave me hope which I lacked for years. There's a very long and difficult journey in front of me, but I don't mind. After reading this book, I know there's a hope and solution for me.
September 7, 2018
"...become an unflinching source of kindness and self-compassion for yourself."
Excellent read on how an abusive childhood has had a profound impact on you. And not just a broken-bones-CPS-got-involved-kind of childhood, but a childhood with parents who had minimal attunement, who were sharp tongued more often than not, who had addictions, even if those addictions were seemingly under control- they weren't. The book also speaks clearly on specific ways to walk yourself to healing, to a life that makes more sense to you.
The part I especially appreciated was the down-to-earth descriptions of how trauma affects the brain and thought process. How seemingly a lovely day can go into chaos, leaving the person feeling ashamed and chagrined at their behavior, when all along it was happening at a subtle micro-level.
The explanations of that micro level and how to tune in to yourself and be in compassionate space while doing it- makes this book worth more than gold.
I sincerely would suggest this book to anyone struggling right now.
“I also hope this map will guide you to heal in a way that helps you become an unflinching source of kindness and self-compassion for yourself,”
“When fear is the dominant emotion in a flashback the person feels extremely anxious, panicky or even suicidal.”
"Many dysfunctional parents react contemptuously to a baby or toddler’s plaintive call for connection and attachment. Contempt is extremely traumatizing to a child, and at best, extremely noxious to an adult. Contempt is a toxic cocktail of verbal and emotional abuse, a deadly amalgam of denigration, rage and disgust. Rage creates fear, and disgust creates shame in the child in a way that soon teaches her to refrain from crying out, from ever asking for attention. Before long, the child gives up on seeking any kind of help or connection at all. The child’s bid for bonding and acceptance is thwarted, and she is left to suffer in the frightened despair of abandonment. "
“Those who are repetitively traumatized in childhood often learn to survive by over-using one or two of the 4F Reponses. Fixation in any one 4F response not only limits our ability to access all the others, but also severely impairs our ability to relax into an undefended state. Additionally, it strands us in a narrow, impoverished experience of life.”
Excellent read on how an abusive childhood has had a profound impact on you. And not just a broken-bones-CPS-got-involved-kind of childhood, but a childhood with parents who had minimal attunement, who were sharp tongued more often than not, who had addictions, even if those addictions were seemingly under control- they weren't. The book also speaks clearly on specific ways to walk yourself to healing, to a life that makes more sense to you.
The part I especially appreciated was the down-to-earth descriptions of how trauma affects the brain and thought process. How seemingly a lovely day can go into chaos, leaving the person feeling ashamed and chagrined at their behavior, when all along it was happening at a subtle micro-level.
The explanations of that micro level and how to tune in to yourself and be in compassionate space while doing it- makes this book worth more than gold.
I sincerely would suggest this book to anyone struggling right now.
“I also hope this map will guide you to heal in a way that helps you become an unflinching source of kindness and self-compassion for yourself,”
“When fear is the dominant emotion in a flashback the person feels extremely anxious, panicky or even suicidal.”
"Many dysfunctional parents react contemptuously to a baby or toddler’s plaintive call for connection and attachment. Contempt is extremely traumatizing to a child, and at best, extremely noxious to an adult. Contempt is a toxic cocktail of verbal and emotional abuse, a deadly amalgam of denigration, rage and disgust. Rage creates fear, and disgust creates shame in the child in a way that soon teaches her to refrain from crying out, from ever asking for attention. Before long, the child gives up on seeking any kind of help or connection at all. The child’s bid for bonding and acceptance is thwarted, and she is left to suffer in the frightened despair of abandonment. "
“Those who are repetitively traumatized in childhood often learn to survive by over-using one or two of the 4F Reponses. Fixation in any one 4F response not only limits our ability to access all the others, but also severely impairs our ability to relax into an undefended state. Additionally, it strands us in a narrow, impoverished experience of life.”
May 6, 2019
This book changed my life.
Highly, highly recommended for everybody with any kind of childhood trauma - and that includes
the devastating effects of the invisible, intangible emotional neglect by chronically stressed, distracted and otherwise occupied parents.
Another brilliant (and quite unique) aspect of the book is the deep insight Pete Walker has in the traumatic origin of pathological narcissism and sociopathy.
The way he shows in his empathetic, wise and deeply insightful style that both narcissistic abusers and their co-dependent victims are bred by the same family systems is absolutely brilliant and resonant.
Highly, highly recommended for everybody with any kind of childhood trauma - and that includes
the devastating effects of the invisible, intangible emotional neglect by chronically stressed, distracted and otherwise occupied parents.
Another brilliant (and quite unique) aspect of the book is the deep insight Pete Walker has in the traumatic origin of pathological narcissism and sociopathy.
The way he shows in his empathetic, wise and deeply insightful style that both narcissistic abusers and their co-dependent victims are bred by the same family systems is absolutely brilliant and resonant.
July 23, 2025
This is hands down the best book I’ve read in terms of an author effectively being able to reframe and alter my thought processes to be more kind and positive towards myself, facilitating space for growth and healing processes . Highly recommend to anyone with cptsd (or who wants to have a better understanding of cptsd), especially if your traumas have made you averse to therapy and vulnerability towards others in general.
September 3, 2020
There's some good stuff in here, but also, it's limited. I think the book assumes that the reader's trauma is long over, but many people who were abused as kids will continue to experience traumatic events/relationships/situations as adults. The book is very focused on narcissistic abuse as a source trauma. There is less about neglect and nothing about systemic or cultural trauma.
July 1, 2019
Overall, this is a useful book that extensively looks at the impacts of childhood trauma with a few caveats.
My main gripe with it lies in Walker’s reduction of the DSM as a diagnostic guide which, while deserving of criticism and scrutiny, seemed to further stigmatize mental health issues and potential avenues of effective treatment. Chapter 1’s section on “What You May Have Been Misdiagnosed With” uses stigmatizing language to unnecessarily invalidate a host of mental health afflictions (including but not limited to anxiety, depression, ADHD, BPD, etc.) which inadvertently suggests that these conditions are inherently shameful to have. Yet somehow CPTSD escapes this burden?
While I agree that childhood trauma plays an important role in the development of certain mental health disorders, the villification of these classifications in the DSM to further assert the validity of CPTSD seems wildly out of line and counterproductive to the goal of patient recovery.
What Walker draws from his experience as a therapist dealing with childhood trauma is genuinely conveyed and useful. Topics such as the merits of widening one’s emotional range of expression, grieving, familial attachments, etc. are extensively covered and enlightening. While I might pass on certain excerpts or its appendix to others, I’m hard pressed to recommend this book as a whole for the reasons mentioned above.
My main gripe with it lies in Walker’s reduction of the DSM as a diagnostic guide which, while deserving of criticism and scrutiny, seemed to further stigmatize mental health issues and potential avenues of effective treatment. Chapter 1’s section on “What You May Have Been Misdiagnosed With” uses stigmatizing language to unnecessarily invalidate a host of mental health afflictions (including but not limited to anxiety, depression, ADHD, BPD, etc.) which inadvertently suggests that these conditions are inherently shameful to have. Yet somehow CPTSD escapes this burden?
While I agree that childhood trauma plays an important role in the development of certain mental health disorders, the villification of these classifications in the DSM to further assert the validity of CPTSD seems wildly out of line and counterproductive to the goal of patient recovery.
What Walker draws from his experience as a therapist dealing with childhood trauma is genuinely conveyed and useful. Topics such as the merits of widening one’s emotional range of expression, grieving, familial attachments, etc. are extensively covered and enlightening. While I might pass on certain excerpts or its appendix to others, I’m hard pressed to recommend this book as a whole for the reasons mentioned above.
June 2, 2022
I wish I had found this book sooner, as it was published in 2013. This book blew my mind. The best I can describe it is like this: I feel I have lived in a foggy state for my entire life. Everything was foggy, as if looking at the world through a smudgy glass. Something is wrong, I know that. Let's try therapy- one therapist, two, three- five. Hm, still not making progress. Why? What is wrong? Let's try CBT, DBT, meditation, mindfulness. Ok, somewhat helpful, but there is still "it" in the pit of my stomach.
And then this book.
It's as if Pete Walker came up to me with a fiber cloth and windex and cleaned the lens. For the first time, I could look at the world- my world, my life- and see clearly for the first time.
The fact C-PTSD is not recognized in the DSM is both mind boggling and enraging. Why is this?? Why aren't more therapists trained in this? It would have saved me so much time, grief, and pain had a single therapist I've seen known about this.
When I brought this to my therapist, they said they weren't familiar with the term, or the condition. And that was that. It's a tragedy given how prevalent this condition is.
Thank you, Pete, for shedding light on this and for writing this immensely helpful book and giving me not only hope for healing, but also shining the light on the path to take towards healing.
(I even reached out to the author to extend my gratitude, and he replied in a way I thought he would- with compassion, kindness, and encouragement).
And then this book.
It's as if Pete Walker came up to me with a fiber cloth and windex and cleaned the lens. For the first time, I could look at the world- my world, my life- and see clearly for the first time.
The fact C-PTSD is not recognized in the DSM is both mind boggling and enraging. Why is this?? Why aren't more therapists trained in this? It would have saved me so much time, grief, and pain had a single therapist I've seen known about this.
When I brought this to my therapist, they said they weren't familiar with the term, or the condition. And that was that. It's a tragedy given how prevalent this condition is.
Thank you, Pete, for shedding light on this and for writing this immensely helpful book and giving me not only hope for healing, but also shining the light on the path to take towards healing.
(I even reached out to the author to extend my gratitude, and he replied in a way I thought he would- with compassion, kindness, and encouragement).
April 24, 2019
This is by far the BEST book I have ever read on Complex PTSD , which is very different from PTSD.
As a therapist and a survivor of C- PTSD myself , I have found that the often prescribed CBT type of therapy does not work for those of us with C-PTSD. My experience and my own journey as a survivor of childhood trauma has led me on a quest to find the most effective therapy methods for healing. I have found these clients need more than what traditional therapists frequently offer. For one, the therapeutic relationship is paramount for the success of treatment. And the therapist had better be willing and able to meet the emotional requirements of their C-PTSD clients.
Personally, I have done the work needed and continue to heal and grow from my own past. This self exploration and years of learning how to be my own parent, has helped me help others. I continue to learn from my very amazingly brave clients who trust me to take this journey with them. This book has helped me realize I’m on the right track as well as areas where I can improve.
I admire Pete Walker so much after reading this book . . . What an awesome therapist and human being! I’m going to buy several copies and hand them out to each one of my C-PTSD clients!!
As a therapist and a survivor of C- PTSD myself , I have found that the often prescribed CBT type of therapy does not work for those of us with C-PTSD. My experience and my own journey as a survivor of childhood trauma has led me on a quest to find the most effective therapy methods for healing. I have found these clients need more than what traditional therapists frequently offer. For one, the therapeutic relationship is paramount for the success of treatment. And the therapist had better be willing and able to meet the emotional requirements of their C-PTSD clients.
Personally, I have done the work needed and continue to heal and grow from my own past. This self exploration and years of learning how to be my own parent, has helped me help others. I continue to learn from my very amazingly brave clients who trust me to take this journey with them. This book has helped me realize I’m on the right track as well as areas where I can improve.
I admire Pete Walker so much after reading this book . . . What an awesome therapist and human being! I’m going to buy several copies and hand them out to each one of my C-PTSD clients!!
March 15, 2021
Actually this is a great book, but some of the chapters trigger flashbacks that are really painful for me. I may return to this at a later stage or not, but for now I just want to thank the author for acknowledging the severity of childhood and ongoing emotional abuse and writing about it. It means a lot. I read around 30% and it was so accepting and helpful. I kind of hated the if you're this , go to this chapter thing. I know the author was only doing that to help but for me it breaks the flow of a reassuring message.
3/15/21 Update:
I don't at all remember reading this before, but I guess my brain blocked it away because it was a painful memory. Newsflash: three years later, despite the work I have done on myself, this is hugely triggering. This book should come with a trigger warning. And if you are living in ongoing abuse continuing from your childhood, please take it from your fellow Neurodivergent abused kid grown up & still living in abuse and please run far far away from this book. Sure, this may be a great guide , helpful n all but let me know when you get past the triggers in the first 100 pages. This whole week of reading the book, I had severe panic attacks, flashbacks, anger issues and extreme dissociation that was distruptive in my current abusive environment and how can I thrive when I can't even survive.
I'm sorry. I don't think I'm strong enough to come back to this book without breaking down again. I'm changing the rating from 3 to 1, so it would be a reminder to me. My opinions are of my own experiences and I do not seek to disrespect the book or its author, but next time please include a trigger warning.
3/15/21 Update:
I don't at all remember reading this before, but I guess my brain blocked it away because it was a painful memory. Newsflash: three years later, despite the work I have done on myself, this is hugely triggering. This book should come with a trigger warning. And if you are living in ongoing abuse continuing from your childhood, please take it from your fellow Neurodivergent abused kid grown up & still living in abuse and please run far far away from this book. Sure, this may be a great guide , helpful n all but let me know when you get past the triggers in the first 100 pages. This whole week of reading the book, I had severe panic attacks, flashbacks, anger issues and extreme dissociation that was distruptive in my current abusive environment and how can I thrive when I can't even survive.
I'm sorry. I don't think I'm strong enough to come back to this book without breaking down again. I'm changing the rating from 3 to 1, so it would be a reminder to me. My opinions are of my own experiences and I do not seek to disrespect the book or its author, but next time please include a trigger warning.
February 4, 2018
Can’t recommend this one enough. It’s taken me about a month to work through for two reasons.
1) I wanted to really absorb all the information so I forced myself to only read in short bursts. This was sometimes not hard to do because my mind would constantly explode as I read and I’d need to collect myself.
2) At about 50 pages in I started over so I could write notes as I went and I continued to copy down important bits of information up until almost the last page.
For me this has been an invaluable resource in fully understanding Complex PTSD and in reaching a better understanding of myself, my childhood, and the ways in which I can continue to grow from here. If you have a history of childhood abuse and/or neglect, feel inherently “defective” or “wrong”, have toxic or absent parents, or are a therapist looking to learn more about C-PTSD this is an exhaustive, validating, enlightening, resource.
Have a notebook, pens, sticky notes, highlighters —and possibly tissues — ready.
1) I wanted to really absorb all the information so I forced myself to only read in short bursts. This was sometimes not hard to do because my mind would constantly explode as I read and I’d need to collect myself.
2) At about 50 pages in I started over so I could write notes as I went and I continued to copy down important bits of information up until almost the last page.
For me this has been an invaluable resource in fully understanding Complex PTSD and in reaching a better understanding of myself, my childhood, and the ways in which I can continue to grow from here. If you have a history of childhood abuse and/or neglect, feel inherently “defective” or “wrong”, have toxic or absent parents, or are a therapist looking to learn more about C-PTSD this is an exhaustive, validating, enlightening, resource.
Have a notebook, pens, sticky notes, highlighters —and possibly tissues — ready.
January 28, 2019
The five-star reviewers have it right about the helpful parts of this book, but it made me so uncomfortable how often he would refer to this or that client he’d had as “a narcissist” (and therefore a lost cause) that reading it became a profoundly un-therapeutic experience
June 29, 2019
It's a good book in a sense it gives some useful insights into how much trauma is cased in childhood but man, he writes in so many words that can be said in few. The gist of book goes to down to the fact that our parents relationship to us is fundamental in our development as adults. Considering that our own parents don't know how to parent or love unconditionally many children grow up intro broken adults and replicate the pattern of brokenness in their own lives. The author emphasizes ability to feel, to be depressed, to feel anger and to grieve. Considering that we all hide our emotional issues by either getting too busy, or getting too obsessed or trying to replicate a "perfect" life by achieving conventional success and comparing ourselves to others - this is something to consider. Do we live lives authentic to ourselves or do we copying and pasting society idea of how a life should be lived.
I think majority of people don't even know who they are inside.
I think majority of people don't even know who they are inside.
May 11, 2023
I was so excited for this book because it got such great reviews and it was recommended to me, but honestly it was difficult to even finish this one. The entire thing lacked credibility. There were zero studies or research that backed up any of the information presented, however there were some URL websites that he referenced a couple times… weird. There were typos, grammar errors, and spelling mistakes riddled throughout the entire thing. The information was all so vague and disorganized. It seems like it was dozens of poorly written blog posts published into a book. I’m very confused by all the great reviews this received.
June 25, 2020
Lots of pseudoscientific nonsense. The summary I read of this book was much better than the book itself. It is very verbosely written and while there are some gems to be found, it is slathered in gender stereotypes. I finished the book just to have finished reading it. The circular reasoning is very painful at times.
May 14, 2024
Friends, if you read one book on Complex PTSD in your entire life, let it be this one.
C-PTSD differs from PTSD in that, rather than a solitary event, someone living with C-PTSD experienced chronic on-going traumatic events over an extended period of time. This may be the difference between someone experiencing a single event of rape versus someone growing up in a home where sexual assault from family happened consistently.
Somethings that set this book apart for me:
1) Readability- the author is careful not to delve into psycho-babble and speaks in terms that most people can easily follow.
2) Compassion and empathy- the author courageously shares his own story and this lends to his credibility. In addition, he addresses the reader with such kindness throughout the book, it draws the reader into feelings of being in a safe space.
3) Practicality- the author gives ample suggestions, work sheets, and exercises to guide the self-directed reader.
Amazing book. Immense gratitude to Pete Walker for writing this gem. Don't let the cover or title fool you. This is no textbook. It just might be life-changing.
I'd rate this book an R for some direct quotes from patients that contain cursing (including the F-bomb), adult themes, and heavy content related to causes of C-PTSD.
Original review posted 5/14/24.
C-PTSD differs from PTSD in that, rather than a solitary event, someone living with C-PTSD experienced chronic on-going traumatic events over an extended period of time. This may be the difference between someone experiencing a single event of rape versus someone growing up in a home where sexual assault from family happened consistently.
Somethings that set this book apart for me:
1) Readability- the author is careful not to delve into psycho-babble and speaks in terms that most people can easily follow.
2) Compassion and empathy- the author courageously shares his own story and this lends to his credibility. In addition, he addresses the reader with such kindness throughout the book, it draws the reader into feelings of being in a safe space.
3) Practicality- the author gives ample suggestions, work sheets, and exercises to guide the self-directed reader.
Amazing book. Immense gratitude to Pete Walker for writing this gem. Don't let the cover or title fool you. This is no textbook. It just might be life-changing.
I'd rate this book an R for some direct quotes from patients that contain cursing (including the F-bomb), adult themes, and heavy content related to causes of C-PTSD.
Original review posted 5/14/24.
April 22, 2024
It’s very well written, and it is an interesting read, I’ll give Walker that. However, I find this book too anecdotal for my liking, where he presents different theories based on his personal experience as a child growing up with emotional abuse around him as well as a therapist who’s patients endured abuse during childhood.
I question whether this is based on actual evidence/academic research. For instance, though I found it interesting to read about the different 4F-types, I also know that one cannot categorise people like that. It’s not about simplifying coping mechanisms, but rather give these mechanisms room to define ones behaviour and personality.
Like I said, it’s an interesting read, and I already have recommended this book to some of my friends. Just make sure that, when you read it, you take it with a grain of salt.
I question whether this is based on actual evidence/academic research. For instance, though I found it interesting to read about the different 4F-types, I also know that one cannot categorise people like that. It’s not about simplifying coping mechanisms, but rather give these mechanisms room to define ones behaviour and personality.
Like I said, it’s an interesting read, and I already have recommended this book to some of my friends. Just make sure that, when you read it, you take it with a grain of salt.
March 1, 2020
2.5*
I judge that this will be VERY helpful for a lot of people in early stages of recovery and healing. Though, I also judge that a lot of it is very unhelpful. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone because of, what I judge to be, some very problematic language and ways of approaching complex traumas and attachment wounds. IMJ, the author hasn’t fully recovered from his traumas, and thus, his approach isn’t fully formed (though, admittedly, I did gain some valuable insight and wisdom from the book).
I judge that this will be VERY helpful for a lot of people in early stages of recovery and healing. Though, I also judge that a lot of it is very unhelpful. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone because of, what I judge to be, some very problematic language and ways of approaching complex traumas and attachment wounds. IMJ, the author hasn’t fully recovered from his traumas, and thus, his approach isn’t fully formed (though, admittedly, I did gain some valuable insight and wisdom from the book).
January 15, 2024
There are little psychology or self-help books, especially on complex topics like PTSD, that is both accessible to the lay-reader and insightful to a practitioner or someone who is more familiar with the topic. As a survivor of trauma (though not someone who has C-PTSD), someone who works with trauma, and someone who has loved ones who survived trauma, this is one of the more helpful books on PTSD I've come across so far. So many a-ha moments and was very helpful for me personally in making sense of and being compassionate to my own experiences and relationships with loved ones, whether or not PTSD was an element in them.
Walker is a survivor of C-PTSD himself and a therapist who specialises in this area. His experiences were clearly valuable as he uses them to outline his understanding of what C-PTSD is, its root causes, how it presents inwardly, outwardly, and relationally, as well as tools that both survivors and practitioners can have in their toolkit to facilitate recovery. This book is also meant to be used as a self-help book, or at least a stepping stone to understand C-PTSD before or while you seek further professional help.
Walker's voice was consistent and comforting, loving, yet rational. I feel like I was in a therapy session, being soothingly taken through my hurt and confusion. There were many insights in this book that allowed me to pause, breathe, and reflect, and I can say that they've changed me, bit by bit - by allowing myself compassion, letting go of hurt, and to be comfortable in being hopeful in riding the ups and downs of life. How amazing to be able to say that of any book!
Some notable quotes:
- "Mindfulness is a perspective of benign curiosity about all of your inner experience."
- "As such, it is especially human and healthy to have shifts of mood between such extremes as happy and sad, enthused and depressed, loving and angry, trusting and suspicious, brave and afraid, and forgiving and blaming."
- "If instead, she learns to surrender willingly to the normal human experience that good feelings will always ebb and flow, she will eventually be graced with a growing ability to renew herself in the vital waters of emotional flexibility."
- "As I increasingly practiced emotional authenticity, the glacier of my lifelong loneliness began to melt."
- "[T]he survivor learns to 'follow his own bliss'."
- "A modicum of ennui and dissatisfaction are part of the price of admission to life."
- "Feelings of love, appreciation and gratitude are naturally enhanced when we reciprocally show our full selves - confident or afraid, loving or alienated, proud or embarrassed. What an incredible achievement it is when any two of us crate such an authentic and supportive relationship!"
- "Reciprocal verbal ventilation is the highway to intimacy in adult relationships."
- "Grieving has almost instantly delivered him from painful loss into eager apprehension of what is fun about life and what there is to look forward."
- "However, when recovery progresses enough, we being to have some experiences of feeling like we are thriving."
- "The ability to say no is the backbone of our instinct of self-protection."
A note that Walker's recommended books in his last chapter is gold as well.
Own notes:
On being in survival mode all the time, Walker says that one's "decisions are based on the fear of getting in trouble or getting abandoned, rather than on the principles of having meaningful and equitable interactions with the world." Such a big concept which would have been rather daunting to a younger me, when I was struggling with various troubles and would have been unable to grasp what having meaningful interactions actually meant. Reading this also allowed me instantly and significantly understand and forgive old hurt in past intimate relationships.
The concept of "good enough" was really freeing for me - that it is okay to have "good enough" connections, friends, and partners who are trying their best, and it also frees me from the anxious need to be a super safe, affirming person all the time. Walker characterises "good enough" to be someone who is good hearted, tries to be fair, and meets their commitments most of the time.
Walker's repeated view that emotional intimacy is forged through self disclosure and being authentic also affirmed that I am on the right path - this has been my work for this year.
The way he keeps saying "intimate, mutually supportive relationship" makes me heart ache for intimate, mutually supportive relationships.
Personally, I think that sometimes exhibit flight behaviours, and many times I fawn. Walker mentioned having a 'gearbox' to allow flight types to engage life at a variety of speeds, including neutral - that concept was so helpful.
Especially enlightening was his lengthy reflection on fawn types. This quote sums up my life and is super helpful for me to pinpoint the unhealthy belief that I have, "They act as if they believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries." It's spooky because I had a little out-of-body experience - I immediately see that this is me, but I also am going, "Do you mean that people DON'T live life like that? That they can have preferences and boundaries?" I'm getting better at needs and rights - Walker was right that fawn types really benefit from learning about human rights and applying it to themselves - but it's still alien to me that people will not leave once I exert my likes and dislikes.
The implicit code of the fawn type was a helpful callout - it is safer (1) to listen than to talk, (2) to agree than to dissent, (3) to offer care than to ask for help, (4) to elicit the other than to express yourself, and (5) to leave choices to the other rather than to express preferences. The concept of "staying inside yourself" was a good visualisation as well - as a natural fawn, I don't have to give in when I feel drawn to 'merge' with someone to be safe - I can stay inside where I am naturally safe - with me. Walker also gave tips on how not to perform inauthentic emotional mirroring and rather express or acknowledge your own emotional experience.
Lastly, the concept of reparenting by committee was very insightful. While I don't think I need intense reparenting, I've recently based my care and support around community - which includes layers and circles of people - starting from intimates all the way down to interesting and kind strangers.
More to come I'm sure once I re-read the book about 3 more times.
Walker is a survivor of C-PTSD himself and a therapist who specialises in this area. His experiences were clearly valuable as he uses them to outline his understanding of what C-PTSD is, its root causes, how it presents inwardly, outwardly, and relationally, as well as tools that both survivors and practitioners can have in their toolkit to facilitate recovery. This book is also meant to be used as a self-help book, or at least a stepping stone to understand C-PTSD before or while you seek further professional help.
Walker's voice was consistent and comforting, loving, yet rational. I feel like I was in a therapy session, being soothingly taken through my hurt and confusion. There were many insights in this book that allowed me to pause, breathe, and reflect, and I can say that they've changed me, bit by bit - by allowing myself compassion, letting go of hurt, and to be comfortable in being hopeful in riding the ups and downs of life. How amazing to be able to say that of any book!
Some notable quotes:
- "Mindfulness is a perspective of benign curiosity about all of your inner experience."
- "As such, it is especially human and healthy to have shifts of mood between such extremes as happy and sad, enthused and depressed, loving and angry, trusting and suspicious, brave and afraid, and forgiving and blaming."
- "If instead, she learns to surrender willingly to the normal human experience that good feelings will always ebb and flow, she will eventually be graced with a growing ability to renew herself in the vital waters of emotional flexibility."
- "As I increasingly practiced emotional authenticity, the glacier of my lifelong loneliness began to melt."
- "[T]he survivor learns to 'follow his own bliss'."
- "A modicum of ennui and dissatisfaction are part of the price of admission to life."
- "Feelings of love, appreciation and gratitude are naturally enhanced when we reciprocally show our full selves - confident or afraid, loving or alienated, proud or embarrassed. What an incredible achievement it is when any two of us crate such an authentic and supportive relationship!"
- "Reciprocal verbal ventilation is the highway to intimacy in adult relationships."
- "Grieving has almost instantly delivered him from painful loss into eager apprehension of what is fun about life and what there is to look forward."
- "However, when recovery progresses enough, we being to have some experiences of feeling like we are thriving."
- "The ability to say no is the backbone of our instinct of self-protection."
A note that Walker's recommended books in his last chapter is gold as well.
Own notes:
On being in survival mode all the time, Walker says that one's "decisions are based on the fear of getting in trouble or getting abandoned, rather than on the principles of having meaningful and equitable interactions with the world." Such a big concept which would have been rather daunting to a younger me, when I was struggling with various troubles and would have been unable to grasp what having meaningful interactions actually meant. Reading this also allowed me instantly and significantly understand and forgive old hurt in past intimate relationships.
The concept of "good enough" was really freeing for me - that it is okay to have "good enough" connections, friends, and partners who are trying their best, and it also frees me from the anxious need to be a super safe, affirming person all the time. Walker characterises "good enough" to be someone who is good hearted, tries to be fair, and meets their commitments most of the time.
Walker's repeated view that emotional intimacy is forged through self disclosure and being authentic also affirmed that I am on the right path - this has been my work for this year.
The way he keeps saying "intimate, mutually supportive relationship" makes me heart ache for intimate, mutually supportive relationships.
Personally, I think that sometimes exhibit flight behaviours, and many times I fawn. Walker mentioned having a 'gearbox' to allow flight types to engage life at a variety of speeds, including neutral - that concept was so helpful.
Especially enlightening was his lengthy reflection on fawn types. This quote sums up my life and is super helpful for me to pinpoint the unhealthy belief that I have, "They act as if they believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries." It's spooky because I had a little out-of-body experience - I immediately see that this is me, but I also am going, "Do you mean that people DON'T live life like that? That they can have preferences and boundaries?" I'm getting better at needs and rights - Walker was right that fawn types really benefit from learning about human rights and applying it to themselves - but it's still alien to me that people will not leave once I exert my likes and dislikes.
The implicit code of the fawn type was a helpful callout - it is safer (1) to listen than to talk, (2) to agree than to dissent, (3) to offer care than to ask for help, (4) to elicit the other than to express yourself, and (5) to leave choices to the other rather than to express preferences. The concept of "staying inside yourself" was a good visualisation as well - as a natural fawn, I don't have to give in when I feel drawn to 'merge' with someone to be safe - I can stay inside where I am naturally safe - with me. Walker also gave tips on how not to perform inauthentic emotional mirroring and rather express or acknowledge your own emotional experience.
Lastly, the concept of reparenting by committee was very insightful. While I don't think I need intense reparenting, I've recently based my care and support around community - which includes layers and circles of people - starting from intimates all the way down to interesting and kind strangers.
More to come I'm sure once I re-read the book about 3 more times.
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