the knock on the door: a candid reflection of being a child in the care system

by Sam Gardner

I cannot count the amount of transitions I experienced as a Looked After Child. They blur into one. Patterns remain though, for instance it would often be in the dead of night, after a pit stop at a local McDonalds – a kind of deposit. It does not surprise me the psychological damage inflicted on children as they get passed from pillar to post. The building of and breaking of relationships with not just the people, but the whole environment plants the seed of resentment and confusion. I’m still feeling dizzy and sick.I come from a place where stability of a home was rare, and provision and the focus of education were not a priority. Because of my label LAC (Looked After Child), who was I to achieve, or even dream of social mobility or success?My name is Sam. I’m a Primary School Teacher in Wales.That... is not a normal thing to say.Far from it.The intention of this short book is to reflect upon the key experiences in my life that had a significant impact on my character. Also, how through expression and mental strength, resilience can be cultivated.Life in care has more of an impact on me as a 27 year old than it did when I was actually travelling through it. I am wounded. Scarred and weakened. But strong.Trauma has a funny way of resurfacing and showing it’s ugly head. It comes in waves and manifests in ways I don’t understand. I wasn’t protected from it. Or taught to process it. My Local Authority parent were given an invisible script. Their duty was to protect and safeguard. But they failed.

36 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 7, 2019

Reviews

[Mariella williamson · Rating 5 out of 5]

TA working with children in care

This book just brought everything in to perspective when reading it I was able to agree with everything you had written especially when lac children are written of especially in main stream, some times even being moved to bottom groups because they are a handful. The details of things that have happened to you made me want to cry because all you wanted was some one to love you and to protect you which is all any child wants not to be told no because they don't get money for petrol. You are an inspiration for LAC children and what you can achieve if you work for it.

[Reading_whimsically · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Diversity: Foster Care
Content Warnings: details of the care system, addiction including alcoholism and drug use.

This is the second book written by a care leaver that I have read and it feels odd to be reading about something that I relate so much to. This was a quick afternoon read that I enjoyed and in fact , like the end of the book said , did make me think

Ive already got sams second book and look forward to reading that

[Bethan H · Rating 4 out of 5]

An honest glimpse into life in the care system