Kids These Days: A Game Plan For (Re)Connecting With Those We Teach, Lead, & Love

by Jody Carrington

Seriously. In her work across Canada and the US, child psychologist Jody Carrington has met hundreds of kids, families, and their support systems. Regardless of where she’s traveled or the specific circumstances of these encounters, the message she’s received from concerned parents and educators has been the Our kids are okay only if those of us trying to support them are okay.During a child’s development, educators become a crucial connection point, with the potential to make a huge impact on a student’s well-being. But are the educators okay? Jody Carrington believes that most great educators want to make a difference. However, many educators are finding it more and more difficult "these days" to love what they do. It's time we did a better job of looking after them first. Plain and simple.This book is for those who work in educational our teachers, bus drivers, administrators, educational assistants, librarians, administrative assistants, and custodians. It’s also for anyone who leads, loves, and supports them. If you have a kid, work with a kid, or love a kid, you will find something inspiring in these pages, possibly even game-changing.

Genres: Education, Nonfiction, Teaching, Professional Development, Parenting, Canada, Audiobook

242 pages, Paperback

First published February 14, 2019

About the author

Dr. Jody Carrington is a renowned psychologist sought after for her expertise, energy and approach to helping people solve their most complex human-centred challenges. Jody focuses much of her work around reconnection – the key to healthy relationships and productive teams.

A speaker, author, and leader of Carrington & Company, she uses all she has been taught in her twenty-year career as a psychologist to empower everyone she connects with. Jody has worked with kids, families, business leaders, first responders, teachers, farmers and has spoken in church basements and world-class stages; the message remains the same – our power lies in our ability to acknowledge each other first.

Her approach is authentic, honest and often hilarious. She speaks passionately about resilience, mental health, leadership, burnout, grief and trauma – and how reconnection is the answer to so many of the root problems we face. Her wildly popular book, Kids These Days, was published in 2019 and has sold 150,000 copies worldwide. Jody’s message is as simple as it is complex: we are wired to do the hard things, but we were never meant to do any of this alone.

With a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, work with major institutions and thriving clinical practice, she brings a depth of experience and insight that is unmatched in the industry.

Jody lives in small-town Olds, Alberta, with her husband and three children (she had three kids in 2 years to test her own resilience) and leads the amazing team at Carrington & Company.

Order the book now directly through my Shopify site:
https://drjodyshop.com/collections/al...

Reviews

[Laurie McIntosh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Jody Carrington provides a passionate, powerful and practical plan that we can all incorporate into our lives starting now. The love and dedication poured into every story, every page, every chapter inspires us to want to do better and be better for ourselves and for the kids we hold dear. If any "Kids These Days" are lucky enough to have an educator or leader in their life who has the courage and compassion to pick up this book, read it and put into place the strategies that Dr. Jody so graciously provides us, they are going to be more than ok. This is a book that will challenge you to become the game-changer you were meant to be.

[Ashley Neefe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried, I laughed, I related but most importantly I gained inspiration and motivation to push through the last half of this school year and into the years of my career yet to come. I couldn't put it down! Jody, thank you for sharing your words, I and so many others NEEDED this.

[Rick Gilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've heard Dr. Jody Carrington speak on a number of occasions and I'm particularly glad that she has pulled many of her key points into this book. You can hear her and feel the emotion she has for this work throughout the book. This is authentic open Jody through and through. (though certainly a bit more PG 13 on the lingo than live might often be...) If you are working with some kids (our babies) who frustrate you, drive you crazy, act in ways unacceptable to you - if they are 4, 14 or 41, there is much to think about and apply in Jody's words, and the resources she shares.

I hope that very soon it's available on Kindle, Amazon, etc. as it provides so much for educators, parents, grandparents, education assistants, to consider in our efforts to better meet the needs of those needing better support from us and those of us looking to support in a better way.

Maya Angelou's words quoted on page 97 ring true, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." My wife and I read this together driving down the highway, we know better, we will try to do better. We all can know and do better with the help of this book.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ugh. This was supposed to be a revolutionary and inspirational book for educators, but I feel largely disappointed. Not only have I heard most of this before (which is surprising as a first year teacher)...I was frustrated by the end with the author's choice of language - for example the way students were always referred to as "babes." Although a personal annoyance, the author's choice of language made for a somewhat cringey reading experience.
I also found myself unsure of a few points Jody made throughout the book. Particularly her suggestion that you should never leave a student in distress, especially if they ask you to leave. I place high value on listening to and respecting the boundaries my students communicate with me, and this seemed to contradict that without giving a lot of backing.
What I did find helpful was the discussion of trauma and how to handle that better as a teacher, both for myself and my students.
Also the reminder that "you cannot give away something you haven't received" was helpful.
Overall not a bad read, but not something I would recommend. I am left with some applicable strategies and good reminders, which I am grateful for!

[Aaron Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly inspirational book written with a great sense of humor. It will make you laugh, cry, and restore your faith and purpose as an educator!

[Pam · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS BOOK is a must read whether you are in the midst of raising children, you’ve raised them or if you’ve ever been in contact with a kid! As a mama of 3 grown babes, this book made me laugh, made me cry and took me back to many days of the Calliou and Flat Stanley kids that were often in our midst. I wanted the book to just keep going. Jody, you’re an inspiration, a magnificent story teller and above all....GIFTED in how you share your wisdom, humor, honesty and intelligence!
Thanks for Lighting Me Up!!

[Kacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not just another book on parenting or childhood development. Dr. Jody Carrington draws on her years of experience as a child psychologist to speak to educators and parents through this book. As the title implies, it’s easy to blame everything on “kids these days”, we’ve been doing it for generations, but as Dr. Jody explains, the solution is so simple. It’s all about connection. This book is a motivational manifesto and must read for Educators and Parents.

[Lisa Dunlop · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so affirming! Reading it I felt validated for the heart-centered work I have dedicated my career to. Thank you for hitting home the message that RELATIONSHIPS ARE EVERYTHING in education! <3

Please know that you are generating a long overdue conversation about the well-being and value of teachers and their students!

This book can change lives!

[Wesley Morgan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This goes in the category of books where I liked the message, not the writing style. I love the idea that we need to stop punishing and rewarding behavior, but instead focus on addressing the underlying emotional needs. I just didn't enjoy her humorous tone, calling kids "babes" and things like that, and I didn't feel like she had the expertise, she just quoted the experts. I'd rather read the experts like Brene Brown, not the people quoting her.

[Ash · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't normally seek out books by edu-celebs, as that part of the education world doesn't appeal to me. This book was gifted to me by someone for whom it made a huge difference. It didn't work for me, but I'm still glad that I read it. I find that the education sector is often very limiting when it comes to educational philosophy. We are encouraged to learn about it, but it's often very heavily—if tacitly—implied that there is one correct outcome. We are encouraged to all buy into the same things for the same reasons, despite the fact that educators can be wildly different from one another. Being open to reading books and encountering philosophies that don't work for us is still important, though, because we will work with people for whom the things that inspire us make no sense, or for whom the things that we hate will be what they love. It was good to read this book because it gives me information about how others think and operate.

For me, there were some good takeaways and points about mental wellness in this book, such as considering PTSD to be an emotional injury, rather than an emotional illness. There were also some things that didn't work, namely the amount of cutesy jargon (e.g., calling students "babes"). It felt geared very much toward an archetypal female-as-carer sort of role (note: the book does not seek to speak only to women, but it has an approach that to me reads as feminine in a traditional sense of the concept).

There was also one chunk in particular that stuck out as being somewhat bizarre to me:
"When you ask most people about kids these days (and I have), they often say they're "Disrespectful. Lazy. Spoiled. Depressed. Anxious." We even have a term for this lot, we call them Millennials."

Millennials? Huh?

As a Millennial in my mid-30s with 10+ years of teaching experience, this was a wtf for me. I had to double check the date for the book: February of 2019. Then I had to check the author's age: 45. Does she not realize that Millennials make up a good chunk of the teachers she speaks to? Does she not realize that while we're in the classroom, we are the teachers? The oldest Millennials are pushing 40, and the youngest are in their mid-20s. Why does she think that we are children in classrooms?

[Pat Nelson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I haven't read a book recently that frustrated me more. Her basic thesis seems to be that connections between educaters and students are critical. Sure. No argument. But she does not investigate why educators are not doing this already. She does not consider that an underfunded system can fully explain this. There is no mystery why teachers are stressed and it isn't because we haven't learned her 6 selfcare tips. In short Dr. Jody is yet another non educator to suggest a solution for schools without acknowledging the real issues and the obvious solution. Finally on several occasions she veers into racism, suggesting that (due to residential schools) Aboriginal people have not learned emotional regulation, and waving away the idea that some cultures have different views on eye contact. I found this book frustrating because I liked a lot of the framing she uses, especially that it is a kid's job to flip their lid occasionally. However, I felt that it did not address the core issues required to improve education systems and it was written from an Eurocentric perspective.

[Lucynelsonloveslife · Rating 4 out of 5]

This may be the best relationship book I have ever read. I’ve read dozens of leadership, self help, relationship and education books and this one combines all the best tidbits from all of them and puts it into simple language anyone can understand. Although written for educators I would recommend it for parents, grandparents and basically anyone who works with people. It teaches the “It Takes a village to raise a child” philosophy and applies it to adults as well. The author is funny, completely relatable, grounded in science and research, compassionate and inspiring. This book will be my new top recommendation.

[Jennifer Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This books has been a meaningful inspiration to push through the rest of the school year. I love how she emphasizes connection and how important this is for students to feel before discipline. It was a great read !

[Julia Lindquist · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredible book! I am going to return to this book many times during my teaching career!❤️

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read the book in one sitting today. Loved it- totally authentic, just like listening to Jody speak. Well rounded- enlightening, a great mix of research-based methodology and life experience, both humour filled and heartfelt. I recognized so much of my own experiences in the book- I laughed at the three types of children (especially Caillou), and teared up during grief because it spoke to my soul.
I’m keeping this copy on my bookshelf because I already sent myself 8 emails about things to think about or do at school next week.
But I’m also picking up another copy, because there are so many people I think should read this book- my own bottom hands, people I love, and people I know who already make a difference in the lives of others every day. Highly recommend!

[Martha☀ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this for our teaching staff professional book club. While others seem to have jumped on the Jody band wagon, I am firmly unconvinced. Carrington is a child psychologist, not an educator, and she has not worked in the school system. She is very familiar with diagnosing and treating children one-on-one who have extreme difficulty fitting into the school system as well as those who have challenges in foster care and even those being raised by their biological parents.
Her research and private practice experiences have enabled her to place all troubled kids into one group - they all have multiple points of trauma and they all lack connections with stable adults. This is where she comes up with a marvelous plan - get the school system to fix it. If all school divisions in the country buy into her system of teaching teachers, assistants, administrators, bus drivers, etc to connect with these difficult kids, then this attachment disorder problem would be resolved!
If Carrington had spread her research a little wider to see what schools are currently doing, what teacher colleges are teaching and what the role of the teacher is, she would have seen that our job is all about making connections with students. Perhaps she would have seen that every employee within a school system is stretched thin and that there simply aren't the dollars required to hire sufficient people to support all student needs.
When speaking of violent students and students with serious behaviour issues, my first concern goes to the other children. If we are committed to making schools a safe place then the students have to be kept safe above all else. Zero tolerance is a phrase that has been created in order to protect the innocent. Carrington seems to forget that the nice kids, who she wants to use as models of appropriate regulation, could be traumatized by an unsupported violent kid. She also seems unaware that teachers have a full syllabus which we are obligated to teach thoroughly.
There are some gems within these covers. I really like the visual of flipping the lid and I will always remember the phrase you cannot give away something you have never received. I also like the idea that "Kids are not attention-seeking, they are connection-seeking" (sic).
But in order to find the gems, you have to wade through a real lack of editing. Perhaps part of Carrington's appeal is that she swears (oh my!) and uses catchy phrases (calling difficult children 'babes') but I got more than a little tired of the 6+ sets of parentheses on each page, boldface type, the overuse of "quotation marks" and the endless repetition of key phrases. And what was with the change in font toward the end of each chapter?? I would have been far happier with a more scientific text than this cutesy tone that had me wondering why she was buttering me up.

[Kristy Ellsworth · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Kids These Days,” written by Dr. Jody Carrington, is the best thing since sliced bread!!!!
Anyone who has kids, works with kids, or any involvement what-so-ever with kids, NEEDS to read this book!
Dr. Jody Carrington breaks things down and explains how adults/teachers/ parents can better communicate and (re)connect with children! It has so much great information, as well as Dr. Jody’s wonderful sense of humour. Trust me, you will not be disappointed.
It is a MUST read and I will preach about it forever! Do yourselves a favour, get a copy, and read it!!!
I give it 5 out of 5 ⭐️

[Allison Furlong · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found the chapter on trauma and grief useful. I do not want to be called "my sweet educator", and refer to students as "babes" and then be hit with a few F bombs shortly after. Pick a side. Are we going with crass, blunt, and sassy or sweet and endearing. As a High School teacher, with no kids of my own, there were many portions of the book I could have done without. I've heard many personal testimonies from colleagues speaking praises for this book. I personally did not love it.

[Kristine R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic delivery of such an easy concept that seems we’ve all forgotten. It kept me laughing, intrigued and even crying. Such a beneficial book for not only educators but parents, spouses and children! Such a great reminder for everyone.

[Christine Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is exactly what we need right now - 2020 post(ish?) pandemic. So many of our students will be experiencing hard emotions about the school suspensions and what their lives were like without that school connection (and many were at home in not so ideal situations with little to no support, help or connection). And then they will also be feeling hard things about the process of returning to school and what that will look like. As educators, I think we will all be very focused on the well being and mental health of our students and trying to reconnect with them (as we should). But this book reminds us that we also need to make sure we (the teachers, resource and guidance teachers, teacher-librarians, bus drivers, school secretaries, and principals) are ok. And I have a feeling we are not ok (even more so now than when the book was written). But reading these words gave me hope that we will be ok and I plan to recommend this book to every colleague I know who needs to hear these words too. Thank you Jody (I feel like I know you because I listened to the audiobook!)

[Susanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! As an educator I have felt all the different emotions of trying to but not feeling like I have done enough for my students, especially the ones that need it the most. I am one of those who have experienced compassion fatigue and didn’t know what to do with that sense of inadequacy. Reading these pages was, at times, difficult and brought many a tear to my eye as I could relate to many of the situations and emotions attached to them. Jody has renewed my reason for entering this profession (28 years ago) initially. Her compassion and understanding for the “babes” in our world and the fact that “ones that hold our kids every day” need support is very real. I also appreciate that she has given us realistic strategies to keep us “lit for the whole year”, a topic rarely discussed. Jody is an amazing person and her words and passion will reignite my desire to become a game changer. A must read for all educators!! (I think it should be a course requirement for education students at the university level!!)

[Heather Gobbett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I asked Santa for this book, but when it arrived in the mail- I thought to myself that I’d just take a look at the table Of contents. Then i said, “we’ll I’ll just read one chapter!” .... well... then I asked Santa for another book under the tree because I consumed it! Except then I moved, and lost it in my myriad of book boxes!!! Thankfully, it was available in audible and today I finally finished it. Dr. Carrington. This book is significant. Im so thrilled it’s CANADIAN. As a school based administrator with trying to get a school up and running in the midst of a PANDEMIC!!!, let me tell you- you’re insight and words resonate. “Connect before direct” “you can’t give what you don’t have” and so many other phrases will change the way I do my work because it’s labelled everything that I believe in. This is worth the read (or listen). It’s a game changer.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a MUST READ!!!! This is for every educator, parent, and therapist! Dr. Jody has taken everything I have learned in my entire adult career and organized it into a book form. She was recommended to me by my clinical supervisor because she came across Jody and felt that what Jody was saying and what I preach about every day in schools and weekly supervision were a match. So I will never be able to thank her enough!! Jody is the bullet points to my thought bubbles, the bar graph to my scatter plots. I'm not sure how this happened but thank you!!!! You have not only helped me, but as a MH therapist in a school district you have now helped so many babes because the heroes who love on them everyday will get our message in a more organized and pretty way.
Thank you is too much of an understatement, but know you are my game changer! Much love!

[paige (paigesofbookss) · Rating 4 out of 5]

description: a book for anyone who is concerned about “kids these days”. Jodi explains that the kids will never be ok unless the ones who love or work with them are ok. Jodi speaks to anyone who works with a kid, loves a kid or has a kid. Her inspiring words make us question the current reality and why it keeps getting harder and harder with kids these days.

my thoughts: although I found this to be a slow start, and I am not one to read for education, as I immersed myself into Jodi’s words I became more and more in awe with what Jodi had to say. As an educator, her words hit home in a way that I won’t ever forget. She taught me lessons, she had me reflecting and most of all she had me feeling that spark of inspiration when I too, have begun to feel like this profession is difficult because of kids these days. Jodi has shifted my mindset in a way that has inspired me to continue to grow as an educator and remember why I do what I do. thank you, Jodi.

[Lexie Burgess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Jody gives it to us straight. Loaded with researched backed facts, real life accounts and her own personal experience she teaches us the things we all ought to know. I’ve read this book once and am currently re-reading it. There’s so many sentences that just bam, mic drop, mind blown truth telling, earth shaking. In a connected world we all need to take a moment and read this. Re wire our way of thinking and build solid foundations for all the children in our lives. The game plan highlight reel were extremely beneficial to really get my wheels turning and summarizing all of the facts in the chapter.

[Semeerah Abdulqadir · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every Educator should own this book on audio or hardcopy. It is important we continue to work on ourselves, be whole, be at peace and be mentally, emotionally and physically healthy so that we can put our best foot forward with children that we come across, whether it be teaching or any other setting.

These things may seem like common sense, but an amazing reminder that we must do the work within before taking on the best job, as educators or any other career that involves working with the youth. Teaching is about relationships and showing through our actions. It is all about connection.

[Paul Berg · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best, most insightful books that a teacher can read. With the difficulties we are having with regulation in schools these days and the lack of success of behaviourism to solve our problems we need this book. If you’ve heard Jody speak you’ll recognize her in it and she has the perfect voice to talk about connecting as she is the ultimate connector with her big personality. You owe it to yourself to read this book! It is going to take the world by storm!

[Nicole Hoye · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a MUST read for every human whom interacts with little souls! It truly needs to be part of post-secondary education courses for pre-service teachers. As a teacher by heart, administrator, mother and coach I saw the faces of past and present children in Dr. Jody Carrington’s stories, research and personal accounts. She knows the power of connection and is able to share her knowledge in a way that allows us as readers to connect to our own reality. I have personally gifted multiple copies of this book as it needs to be in this world.

[Lauren Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for work and I found a lot of really golden nuggets for my professional field. I particularly loved what she had to say about educators taking care of themselves in order to care for children. I also loved the idea of replacing “that kid is attention seeking” with “that kid is connection seeking”

[Candice Cleniuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for anyone who works with children. Two highlights for me are replacing "Attention Seeking" with "Connection Seeking" and "Connection before direction"