Aggressionen bewältigen für Dummies

by W. Doyle Gentry

?rgern Sie sich oft? Neigen Sie zu unkontrollierten Wutausbr?chen? Dann leiden Sie darunter vermutlich ebenso wie Ihr Umfeld. Dieses Buch hilft Ihnen ?rger und Aggressionen in den Griff zu bekommen und in Beruf und Freizeit gelassener zu werden. Der erfahrene Therapeut W. Doyle Gentry hilft Ihnen, die Wurzeln Ihrer Emotionen zu erkennen, konstruktiv mit Wut und Aggressionen umzugehen und die emotionale Energie positiv zu nutzen. Checklisten, Selbsttests und ?bungen unterst?tzen Sie dabei.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Parenting

371 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 1, 2006

Reviews

[Nafiseh]

راستش احساس مي كنم كه زدم به جاده ي خاكي كتاب ها و به جاي ريويو نويسي مشغول خود زدني ام ،اما مهمه اصلن؟
من بلدم خشمم رو كنترل كنم زير دندونهام بي صدا بجومش و قورتش بدم بدون جرعه اي آب بدون شمارش معكوس ده به قبل و اينها همه بر مي گرده به دوراني كه مامان بابا دعوا مي كردن و من براي اينكه نشنوم ،پناه مي بردم به لبه ي پنجره، اتاق بابا يه پنجره داشت كه عريض بود اما نه اونقدر كه بشه راه رفت و قدم زد فقط ميشد بچه شد و نشست كنار اون دو تا گلدون و پاها رو تاب داد توي هوا و به ريش و سبيل آنكادر شده ي دنيا خنديد. يه بار خانوم همسايه منو ديد و وحشت كرد و دمپايي به پا و چادر گل گلي به سر اومد و به مامان بابا گفت چه نشسته ايد كه دخترتون كجا نشسته، بعد اون مخفيگاه خوش آب و هوام لو رفت ، بعدها كه برادرم علي اومد من خيلي حواسم بود كه اون هم نشنوه براي همين ميرفتيم زير زمين و من به زور به علي زبان ياد مي دادم و به زور به بچه گربه ها لواشك و آلوچه مي داديم، از همون موقع ها مثل تمام بچه ها از صداي بلند ميترسيدم و الان هم ميترسم حتي بيشتر .هرگز دلم نخواسته صدام بلند تر از حد معمولش بشه چون دلم نمي خواد كسي از دست من فرار كنه و بره خونه ي گربه ها رو توي تاريكي شب اشغال كنه, هر وقت يه جايي داد و بيداد به پا شده زمين دهن باز كرده و من پرتاب شدم به اون زيرزمين كودكي ها و به بچه گربه ها لواشك دادم ، رفتم لبه پنجره ي خونه ي قديمي مون و نشستم ميون اون دو تا گلدون و پاهامو تاب دادم توي هوا و به خانوم دلواپس همسايه جوري خيره شدم كه يعني توام بيا بشين كنارم ورِ دلم و پاهاتو تاب بده توي هوا و با هم داد بزنيم در گوش دنيا كه "آي دنيا ديدي چه به سرت آورديم؟ "
به ابراز خشم اعتقاد ندارم چون چند باري امتحانش كردم و حالم به هم خورد از خودم مثل دردِ دل كردن كه هميشه دلم خواسته مخاطب درد و دلم به يه نوع خاصي از فراموشي مبتلا بشه كه فقط قسمت حرفاي من يادش بره يا اصلن بهش بگم ببين هر چي گفتم دروغ بود ولش كن بيخيالش يادت بره لطفن من چي بهت گفتم و نگفتم ، همه چيز خوب پيش مي رفت تا چند روز پيش كه پشت ترافيك چراغ قرمز بلوار كاوه داشتم به اين فكر مي كردم كه آخرين بار كي ضد يخ ريختم و همينجوري عقب عقبكي رفتم و خوردم به ماشين عقبي، همچنان حواسم نبود و راننده ي ماشين عقبي پياده شد و هر چي دلش خواست بهم گفت ، ماشينش هيچيش نشده بود به خدا هيچيش نشده بود آره مدل بالا بود اما هيچيش نشده بود ، آخه چرا انقد عصباني؟ چرا انقد خشمگين ؟خب راستش من عصباني نشدم دارم دروغ ميگم چرا عصباني شدم ترسيدم و غصه خوردم ، اين كتابه رو گوش دادم تا بفهمم آيا من عقده اي شدم بر اثر سالها فروخوردن خشم ؟ آيا ميتونم به آدماي هميشه گوش قرمز و عصباني و سيگار به دست راهكاري بدم براي كنترل خشم، آيا چگونه با خشمگين ها تعامل كنم ؟آيا نه؟ نه هيچ راهكار ِ راهگشاي كار راه بندازي مطرح نشده بود و به نظرم تجربيات خودم براي خودم راهگشاتر بوده حداقل تا قبل از اون تصادف مسخره . الانم دلم مي خواد به يه شعر از شمس لنگرودي ( كه دوستش ندارم و صرفن جهت آي دنيا چه بر سرت آورديمي كه گفتم )اشاره كنم و اين خودزني رو با يك عالمه گرد و خاك به پا شده پايان دهم.

زنده باد عشقِ تو محبوبم،زنده باد
که خیالم را آنقدر دور می برد
که برای حیات این مردم معنایی پیدا کند
آی زندگی!دیدی چه سرت آوردیم!



پ ن: تو رو خدا داد و بيداد نكنيم. بابا خب شايد يكي راه خونه ي قديمي شون رو فراموش كرده باشه.شايد يكي همه ي مخفيگاه هاش لو رفته و حالا وقتي صداها از حد معمولشون بالاتر ميره ،بي سرپناه ميشه.توي اين سرزمين بوگندو پناه بشيم براي هم لطفن.

[Esteban del Mal]

I want to smash this book so hard.

[EMMA · Rating 1 out of 5]

شعار شعار شعار

[Benjamin Fasching-Gray · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started reading this years ago. I was really raging a lot back then, breaking things and generally being a terror in public. I remember I also read a Thich Nhat Hanh book about anger that talked about anger being a crying a baby inside you and you need to cradle that baby and help it settle. That didn't help me much. This book really did though. Each page seemed to have good tips and I wanted to really internalize them and use them in real life before going on to the next bit. I think this book has really helped me, probably extended my life expectancy even. Not that I don't still need to work on this stuff, because I do.

There were some bits that I skipped, like the chapter on road rage because I don't drive but also the chapter on religion. Nothing against religion, and I am sure that the author is right that people who regularly attend religious services are less angry than those who don't. If faith is believing in something despite a lack of objective evidence, or even in the face of evidence to the contrary, then I guess I don't have it. I saw a Doctor Who episode (The Curse of Fenric, 7th Doctor) where a Soviet Union soldier holds off some vampires with a hammer and sickle symbol because his faith in the revolution is absolute. I don't even have some faith like that. So I just got to deal with my anger some other way, but this book gives plenty of other ways.

Towards the end, there is some bit about recognizing that people aren't the enemy, and there is a line in there about "you don't want to die on this hill." Well, I do have some enemies, I think, and maybe this is the hill I want to die on. Still, it seems like I'd be more likely to win if I can use my anger constructively, and this book has some stuff on that, too. It ain't all, 'calm down and be a good boy or girl.'

So, yeah, got to the end of it today, but I'll probably be going back to some of the more salient chapters soon enough. I wish that there were more structured suggestions for further reading. There are some off hand references to studies, and he mentions the book The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships but I would have liked a real list for each chapter. Bibliotherapy, people, it's no joke.

[Nairi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Handy for people with kids :)

[Anka]

My everand subscription ended before I could finish this book.
So far (at about 70 percent), I didn't learn much. There were too many superficial anecdotes of old angry men and not enough helpful advice. The only advice the book gave was "walk out once you feel angry", "don't supress your anger all the time" and "make an anger journal". It was more about letting old anger go and expressing your emotions than acute help. I wanted to know, what I could do against exploding when I feel anger rising up from one second to the next. When I'm so angry all of a sudden that I can't stop myself before saying hurtful things... When there's practically no time to walk out.

I also hated the victim blaming the author lost himself in from time to time. There were a lot of examples when Gentry made it sound like being shouted at or being beaten was the wife's fault. (There are a lot of very binary and cliché examples like that...)

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone but old angry men who think that they're the middle of the universe (hi dad).

[Amir Kasra Arman · Rating 1 out of 5]

اکثر کتابای روانشناسی یه طور خاصی هستن شایدم فقط من اون مدلای خاصو خوندم به هرحال یه طوری هستن که ادم احساس میکنه اع آره راست میگه نویسنده و ازش یه چیز یاد میگیری
نویسنده‌ی این فقط شعار داده، تو کتاب روانشناسی شعار آخرین چیزیه که آدم بهش نیاز داره

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I clearly need more help than some book can give.
Especially since it felt like there were more examples and stories of his clients than actual helpful advice. Except for the 5 minute Lifesaver one, other than that it just seemed like he kept repeating if you feel yourself getting angry stop and walk away. That's not going to stop you from being angry just from having a confrontation.

[Rebecca]

Only important thing to say here is that the Doyle Gentry and Charles Elliott books are not different editions of the same book. They have the same name and publisher but completely different content. The later one (Elliott) was written from scratch and seems to be much better by all accounts. I read the Gentry one, and it was fine.

[Amira · Rating 5 out of 5]

As much as I'm glad that I finished reading this book and read every single word in it thoroughly , as much as I'll miss reading it every day.

This wasn't just a book, it was really a very rich experience for me, it was such a helpful coach.

This book helped me know deeply about the emotion of anger and what it is telling me about my lifestyle. It made me more aware of the sources of my anger, and helped be more mindful about my anger.

What makes this book very valuable, is that its writer is not only a clinical psychiatrist who is just telling stories based on patients he treated or writing theoretical information he learnt about anger. He himself was raised by angry parents, and had an anger problem himself, which he succeeded to control.

[Paige · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. Some of the advice isn't healthy

[Ryan Abshire · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m always angry but it has some solid tips for putting that in check.

[Seraphinah Bellrose · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little background before I get into my thoughts on this book. I'm a very easygoing person. It takes a lot for me to lash out at other people because as long as they treat me with respect, I don't see the need. Even with people who are mildly annoying I usually just brush whatever happens off and go on with my day. Going into this, I would not have said I had an anger problem. My reasoning for getting this book was solely to understand people who do, of which I know at least one person who suffers from extreme rage. I wanted to know where they come from, why they are the way they are, because I genuinely don't get how one can hurt someone over something so little.

If you're goal is as mine was, this isn't the book for you. It provides several ideas at a base level but doesn't dive as deeply as it could have, focused more on solving the issue at hand rather than understanding the issue (which, is understandable. I do not fault the book for this). If you are dealing with your own issues, it is enough a jumping point to get you to consider why you do the things you do, but this will not help you to really understand how anger develops like this. I will have to continue my journey on that front.

That said, as I was reading this book several things I did not expect to happen, happened, which made this book more than worthwhile. Firstly, I felt validated in my experiences with these kind of people, reading stories of other peoples experiences and knowing people do this, and it was much more common than I thought. And secondly, it talked about different kinds of anger problems. Specifically, it mentioned how holding anger in and being dissmisive of your own feelings, or simply being sweet to everyone to avoid conflict, is just as unhealthy if not more so then lashing out and other people. So it got me thinking: do I actually have an anger problem?

I'd say in some regards: yes, probably. It's only really present when dealing with certain people, but that doesn't mean its not a problem, just an easier problem to address, and this book gave me some excellent ideas as to how. So overall I'd say its worth a read, because even if you don't have full blown anger rage, everyone can benefit from knowing some anger management techniques for when you need it.

I will say there were some parts that I felt... a bit odd and contradictory, which is why I have rated it so. But I don't feel the bad parts of this book take away from the good. Just keep in mind when reading this book that if something feels off, it may be, and don't be afraid to have contradicting opinions just because its about anger management.

Overall? Three and a calf out of five cows.

[Almothana Alghunaim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives you some different ways on dealing with anger, It handles anger management while focusing the light on what triggers anger, how to medically tame anger and going even deeper to focus on the psychological factors.

What I like even more about the book is the way it discusses the lifestyles of dealing with anger (Type A and Type B of a person's personality for example)

I learned some new areas of anger that I wasn't aware of.

Don't be shifted away by the title of the book (the "For Dummies" part) because it do have a good picture on anger management, which you don't tend to find on many "For Dummies" titles.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It has some good tips and some bad ones.

I stopped reading when it got to the part about how you should prevent your kids from playing video games, any video games because of all the "problems" that causes. Like causing them to "attack" people. OOookay. Well this book is written by a guy over 60 so I suppose it makes sense in the whole, old people don't understand video games stereotype.

Ironically it made me angry XD. I de-stress by playing video games. They've done more to help my anger issues then anything and wow, I've never attacked anyone after playing Skyrim, where I play an assassin let alone bejeweled or Minecraft (yes he says all video games even non violent ones are bad.)

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before anyone asks, I don't consider myself an outwardly aggressive or angry person. My goal in starting this book is learning how to better vent and de-stress myself, and also how to manage and work with others through their angry "moments." In customer service, I think this will be a skill that will prove rewarding. I'll post more when I finish the book.

This book has some very helpful ideas on taking down my own anger levels and reducing my stress. Working in customer relations, I think it will also help me deal with those customers who just can't scream loud enough.

[Nadin Soliman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Handy!

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very useful tool to go along side the courses I have undertaken.

[Mandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have this book in my iPad. Just in case I need to look something up at any time. It's really helped me not be mad about everything!

[Michelle Tonacchio · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best anger book I've found yet!

[Ganesh · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is helpful to understand and reduce your anger.

[Monica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good advice, but superficial and quite a bit of blame-the-victim approach.

[Angel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good advice although at time it gets a bit repetitive.

[Hugo Fostin Hokianto · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best decision I made while in university undertaking my degree, during this time of distress and the time of pandemic, was to stumble upon this book and take the effort to read it. This book has given me the insight of how to manage anger, the one emotion that I always struggle since I was a child. Having experienced with "For Dummies" series, I expected to have a full informative book inside talking about such topic, and I find that this book has satisfied what it stands to be.

Contents of the book, it teaches me how to manage anger. This simple sentence can be expanded into who, what, how, why, when, and where of managing anger. Provided with methods on managing anger, I find that most of the time it works when I applied some of the techniques given to the reader. Although, a small comment need to be said, that each chapter or two, the author has the tendency to restate the main point of earlier chapters (For example, state your anger constructively) all over the next chapters, which I find it pretty boring by the time I read through the mid part, but important nonetheless, so there's not much to be complained about.

Overall, great book, simple explanation topic, and I hope by the time I finish this review, I find myself to be better at managing anger (and life, I suppose.)

[Majede]

*حالا هم مهم نیست که همسرش چقدر مهربان یا فرزندانش چقدر اهل همکاری اند، او در بطن ذهن خود این توقع را جا داده است که همه چیز می‌تواند در هر لحظه تغییر کند و خراب شود و او هم حاضر است وقتی آن لحظه فرا می رسد همراه با خشم واکنش نشان دهد . چرا خشمگین می شود؟ این برای مایکل شیوه دفاع از خود در برابر بحران است. نوعی احساس کنترل است، احساسی برخلاف دوران کودکی اش و هنگامی که پدرش تا شب عربده می‌کشید و جنجال به راه می‌انداخت او زیر تشک پنهان می شد
مایکل نمی داند که کودکی او چگونه بر دید او به جهان اثر گذاشته است
*افراد طغیان زده تنها صدای خشم خود را می شنوند و حس می کنند و تنها هدف خشم خود را می بینند . طغیان زدگان اغلب پس از آرام شدن دچار فراموشی هیجانی( Emotional amnesia) می شوند حتی نمی‌توانند به خاطر بیاورند که در ابتدای کار دقیقا چه چیزی ماشه رفتار طغیان زده آنها را کشید. هیچ یک از حرف هایی را هم که در طول روز خوانی های غضب آلود خود زده اند به خاطر نمی آورند . نکته طنز آلود این است که خود این افراد تحت تأثیر آسیب وارده شوکه می شوند و ممکن است بعد از آن حقیقتا احساس ندامت و پشیمانی کنند
۹۲ تا ۹۵

[Evan Micheals · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the ‘For Dummies’ series about mental health. They are written in plan language that is based in contemporary research. They are not going to win a Pulizter Prize for writing, but they are practical and informative without a lot of the bullshit inherent if ‘scholarly writing. This book was no different, most of the specific content about anger is contained in the first 100 pages, the rest is good mental health hygiene. It will leave you with a good understanding of contemporary thought about anger and how to cope with it.

[Fatemeh Am · Rating 2 out of 5]

یه سوم ابتدایی کتاب نسبتا مفید بود. بعدش تبدیل به کتاب دینی شد و اینکه باید به یه نیروی بالایی اعتقاد داشت تا کمتر عصبانی شد و ... از این حالت تبلیغ دین و انفعالی که برای مدیریت خشم توی این قسمتها بود خوشم نیمد. بعدشم که تبدیل شد به راهنمای والدین. اونقدر چیزی نبود که دنبالش بودم
ترجمه اونقدرا روون نبود و از همه بدتر صدای راوی (مصطفی هرآیینی) که صوتی که خونده بود انگار کلا آشنایی با زبون فارسی و ساختار زبان فارسی نداشت. جمله ها فقط تسبیحی از کلمات بودن که با لحن و تن صدای درستی خونده نمیشد و خودت باید جملاتو بعد از خوانش بازسازی میکردی.

[Alex Shaikh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I decided to tackle my anger...which I did not think I had a big problem but my good friends told me it was an issue. I use to let my anger build up and then blow up at the person several weeks later. This book is amazing! It gives you real insight as to where your anger comes from . Then it teaches you how to prevent the anger from building and techniques to use so it does not escalate. I refer back to this book when needed.

[Irina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Einen ausführliche Ärger-Enzyklopädie zu allen möglichen Situationen. Für mich hat sich dieses Buch gelohnt allein schon wegen dem Zitat "Will man relativ harmonisch zusammenleben, muss darüber innerhalb der Familie ständig verhandelt werden." Und auch den Unterschied zwischen Stress und Ärger fand ich hilfreich sowie den Tipp, dass man mehr positive Erlebnisse braucht um nicht gestresst zu sein.

Was ein bisschen gestört hat, ist dass die Geschichten sich wiederholen - dafür ein Stern Abzug.

[Valeria McElheran · Rating 3 out of 5]

Money-money-money. Don’t be angry, it’s bad for your money. If you’re stressing about money, manage your anger. Anger bad for money. If you’re angry, you’re family will make less money.

This is annoying. Author needs book “how to stop being so money-focused for dummies”.