In Pillness and in Health: A Memoir

In Pillness and in Health #1

by Henriette Ivanans

What if your husband gave you a kidney and you chugged a beer with your painkillers the next day?

What if your loving marriage became a tortured threesome? Husband, Wife and Pills?

Meet Henriette and Kevin. As newlyweds, they move to LA to conquer Hollywood. As the dream fades, Henriette delves into a secret life of Pills. Diagnosed with a rejecting kidney transplant, she is crippled by fear, and her part-time narcotic trysts explode into a full-blown pharmaceutical affair.

She is in love. Fiorinal, Vicodin, Morphine...Until one backstabbing day, Pills lead her to her first overdose. Shattered, Kevin talks the ER out of a psychiatric hold. He looks away when she pops Xanax on dialysis. Alone and barely holding on, Kevin believes the unconditional act of donating his kidney will save his wife’s life and heal their marriage.

It doesn’t. The kidney rejects. There is a second overdose. Nothing seems to break Pills’ hold over Henriette.

But will it break Kevin? Will it break them? And after a lifetime of cheating can Henriette imagine a sober marriage of two?

In Pillness and in Health sweeps its reader into the maelstrom of love held hostage by disease. Written with radical honesty, and startling wit, In Pillness and in Health shines new light in the dark corners of addiction and codependency, as we wonder how many devastating diseases can one marriage survive?

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Addiction, Biography, Contemporary, Biography Memoir

310 pages, ebook

Published August 20, 2019

About the author

Henriette Ivanans is the author of The Pillness Trilogy: "In Pillness and in Health,", Big G and Me," and "Are You There, Judy Blume? It's Me: Henriette." "Pillness" is available in Spain as "Hasta Que Las Pastillas Nos Separen (O No)."

Ivanans is a two-time kidney-transplanted, sober woman and occasional actor. She lives in Winnipeg with her living donor and mensch, Kevin, and their dog Jack. She will interrupt you mid-sentence if she sees a dog.

She is currently working on her next book, "Dog-Shaped Hole: How Five Hounds Healed Hen."

Reviews

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I HAD to finish this book in four days; it was that compelling. Raw, ugly, honest, courageous. It gave me an insight into the mind of an addict with no punches pulled. Quite an amazing book. Highly recommended.

[Carol Rogero · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be required reading for anyone considering psychology and/or addiction counseling as a career. Those with friends or loved ones who have an addiction would also benefit greatly from the insights the author's experience provides. Her honest, witty and often stunning writing transports you into the addict's mind and is an eye opening picture of addiction and codependency.

[J.S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This gripping story of chronic illness, substance abuse, and the healing power of unconditional love will make you laugh at some points and cry at others.

[Nadine · Rating 1 out of 5]

Addiction is bad, mmmkay? But couple that with a double kidney transplant? Disastrous and cringe-worthy. Aren't readers supposed to be rooting for the narrator in a memoir? If so, this one fell flat. I felt zero sympathy for this privileged narcissistic alcoholic/pill popper. Her husband, although a textbook enabler, was really the hero in her story. (And maybe that was the point?)

The memoir was so full of outrageous moments that I doubt the veracity of her story telling... None of her (MANY) doctors saw signs of severe alcoholism and prescription drug abuse? Pharmacies "accidentally" dispensed DOUBLE the amount of scheduled drugs? Her insurance allowed multiple fills earlier than prescribed? Most people in the US have to fight to get insurance to pay or refill anything, let alone highly addictive scheduled drugs.

It was so distasteful, I almost didn't finish it, but ended up rage reading to the end. In that regard, OK yes, we get it, addiction is an ugly, ugly thing. Organ transplant is an isolating and stressful experience that few will understand. The narrator was a monster given a second, and then a third chance at life. I hope she recognizes how lucky she is. One star because I didn't like her, however the "organ transplant + addiction" made it a unique (but infuriating) read.

If you do choose to read it, it's free on Kindle Unlimited. One star bec

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ivanans' story is definitely interesting and unique: she is a two-time kidney transplantee, and the second organ came from the husband she verbally abused while high on narcotics for 15+ years. Hers is a new spin on the "you'll never believe the deliciously shocking things I, a middle-aged and middle-class white woman, did while I was high!" genre that I can't seem to quit.

However, the entire story (including, but not limited to, a needlessly graphic masturbation scene at the beginning) should be swallowed with a heavy, heavy grain of salt. By definition, an addict who writes her own life story is an unreliable-at-best narrator, and autobiographers are often pressured to spice things up for dramatic effect. Even if she fought hard for accuracy, someone experiencing substance abuse can't be expected to remember things clearly (especially things that had happened 10 years prior).

Ivanans often gets bogged down in repetitive internal monologues and relies too heavily on adjectives and superlatives to set the scene and create urgency (she breaks the "show, don't tell" rule too many times to count). The dialogue is generally stilted and unrealistic, but that's a common problem with run-of-the-mill memoirs, which depend on expositional dialogue to move the story forward. The writing takes a weird turn in the third-fourth of the book; the style changed into a short-sentence, wink-wink, no need to explain 'cause you know what I mean voice and I had a really hard time following it for about 40 pages. The ending is the saccharine sweet Happy Ending Ivanans believes she deserves, which annoyed me. That being said, none of these problems are insurmountable, and Ivanans does a pretty good job for a non-writer.

This wasn't a bad book. If you've never read one of these types of memoirs, Ivanans' is a good place to start. But if this type of story is familiar to you, you'll read this with a more critical eye, which can be distracting. It's nice to melt into someone else's life story without constantly second-guessing them, but that's not the experience I had with this book.

[Duncan Cox · Rating 5 out of 5]

It takes courage to write your story down on paper, never knowing whose hands will flip the pages that hold so much of your soul. It takes more courage when your story contains so many moments of hardship and hurt. It takes even more courage yet to cast yourself, knowingly, as the villain in the story.

This is exactly what Henriette does in her book. Instead of shying away from the past and trying to defend her actions, she claims every mistake as her own and justifies them from her then drug-addicted perspective, giving readers, who may have never struggled with an issue of the sort, a glimpse into a reality that’s so easy for many to dismiss as simply “bad choices”. A reality that is lived by so many people to varying degrees, many of which are dissected through the story of Henriette’s life.

Comical when it serves and painfully visceral when it’s needed, she uses her amazing grasp of language to draw people into her story so that even when they reach the end of another chapter they say “ok maybe I’ll just start the next one and then I’ll put it down”. So if you’re like me and can’t stop devouring this book then be warned: reading this book may make you late for work.

When we consider the low moments in our own lives, this book allows us to accept that absolutely no one is perfect (even Kevin) and it helps us understand that change is hard. It’s full of obstacles and temptations but the will power to work for the life we want to lead is within us all. Sometimes we need a little outside help and that’s ok, everybody does.

Upon reaching the final pages and finding myself sitting there pouring over all I’d read, I couldn’t help but feel as if I was invited to ride shotgun for a lifelong series of triumphs and perils condensed into words that transcend paper and paint real life in all its gritty glory. Upon whizzing through the book front to back, my mum said it best: “Finishing it felt like saying goodbye to an old friend”. It’s really special to be invited into someone’s mind and to be given the opportunity of seeing someone at their worst. While she does take you down to the depths, Henriette also provides us with the truth that no matter how deep you get, there is a way to find your light again. And that’s a message that we all need to hear at times. Would 100% recommend to anyone and everyone!

[Shan · Rating 1 out of 5]

I do have some sympathy for this author's double kidney transplant and battle with addiction. BUT, there was some of this book that I straight up did not believe and if it is true, it is HIGHLY troubling and people should be held accountable. None (and I mean none) of her many doctors saw signs of her alcoholism and pill popping? Multiple times that pharmacies "accidentally" dispensed too many pills (#90 vs #30) for the Rx written? And this happened more than once? I mean it "could" happen but, c'mon.
And her poor husband... He's the real hero. Damn, I would have kicked this self-absorbed, hot mess to the curb long ago. She verbally abused him to the point I was yelling at him through the book! Seriously, man, you couldn't have picked a worse mate.

Thankfully, I obtained this book via a giveaway (Thanks.) Don't waste your time. I regret not giving up on it a week ago. What a slog.

[Katie Long · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely amazing. As a recovering addict myself I related so much to some of the small things like calling to refill your script if xanex and calling it alprazalam instead so don’t seem like a junkie 🤣 this book gives you a good look in the the life of an addict and how hard the disease is to overcome. If you are a recovering addict this book will make you feel all types of ways and thinking “omg I’m not the only one” haha I highly recommend this book! Great read and the author is absolutely amazing...I’m very lucky to call her a friend ♥️

[Amy Weiss · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the life I led for many years until I decided to get clean in 2014 from Tramadol and Vicodin. I have been sober from pills and alcohol since July 28, 2014. My life has changed in so many ways, some for the better and some, unfortunately, for the worst. I lost my family due to my drug use. It has taken me many years to get better, and they don't quite understand the concept of that. I hope those that have struggled with addiction read this memoir. It helped me.

[Jen from Quebec :0) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Glad that I finished this one before 2021 ended! It was well written and captured the madness and mania accompanying addicts better than other such memoirs that I have read. If the author had made the 'time jumps' a bit more comprehensive, this one might have gotten the ultra rare 5 star rating. Recommend! --Jen from Quebec :0)

[Barbara Carter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had seen this memoir on an online search. My local library did not have it available. But since recently joining NetGalley, I just happened to have the opportunity to read and review it.

Honestly, I have some mixed feelings about this book. That is never easy to say about someone’s memoir. But I also want to give my honest take on it. Maybe some of my mixed emotions comes from my personal experiences and beliefs when it comes to addiction, and maybe because I recently read, “The Choice” a memoir, by Dr. Edith Eva Eger, an Auschwitz survivor who once thought her survival would depend on keeping the past and its darkness locked away. But she learned that when we don’t allow ourselves to grieve our losses, wounds, and disappointments, we are doomed to keep reliving them.
I totally agree with this and understand it personally.

I didn’t feel I got that same depth from Pillness and In Health. Now I know the focus of Henriette’s memoir is on pill addiction, but I would have liked to see more of her healing insights.
At times I found the story too repetitive. And yes, I know the cycle of addition is repetitive, but you must also consider the reader and keeping the story new and interesting.
Sometimes the author comes off as rather flippant. And yes, I am aware that humour can mask pain. But I never really got a sense of that pain.

She is not a likeable character. Though what addict is? At times I wondered if there might be some exaggerations, which brought to mind the whole James Frey memoir fiasco. I wondered if I could trust this author to tell the whole truth, that maybe her memory might be distorted or she possibly didn’t really know the number of pills she took.

This is the first time I’ve read a book about pill addiction.
Besides the pill addiction the reader is also learning a lot about a kidney transplant, which I found interesting.
At 14 years of age, she was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease. At the age of 42, after two kidney transplants, she states: pills had become her life. From the lifesaving immunosuppressives to the mind altering one’s. She says she had no awareness of anything other than pills. She lived and breathed inside the vacuum of their container, powerless to climb her way out. She said: Pills gave her an identity.

I could relate to her husband’s codependent enabling of her, though my experience was with an alcoholic. I knew his sense of betrayal. He gave her his kidney to save her life and then had to watch her have such disregard for that gift.
She seemed to have a dance with death. She underwent lifesaving surgeries, yet on the overhand did so much to destroy her life.

Now I know there is much controversary over addiction being a choice. But I don’t think we can totally hold drugs responsible for every addict. In this case she had as she states: “a habit” of taking Tylenol 1 with Codeine every morning, swallowing up to 18 tablets at a time. She hid the truth about this from doctors.
She states that she did not take them because she was in pain, but because they got her high.
There is the choice. Why did she choose to get high in the first place?

Not everyone who takes Tylenol 1 with codeine becomes an addict. I have taken the pills many times as I know of numerous other people who have. There’s been no desire to continue. Not everyone becomes addicted, so, there’s more than just “the pills” to hold accountable.

In the book Henriette writes about going to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and that no one took her seriously because they saw her as an addict. She says these medical professionals believed she had chosen to become an addict. But with everything she had already heard and read, and what she said she could feel in her soul, she knew she HAD NOT chosen this path. That she had been born this way due to circumstances beyond her control, and addiction had taken her.
Yes, at some point she became addicted, but she made those choices in the beginning that led her there.

I’ve read that science has confirmed that addiction is a chronic brain disease that can happen to anyone. But please, don’t eliminate the element of choice in the beginning. That’s my point.

Most of Henriette’s memoir is about “feeding that disease.”
I am not trying to blame or shame Henriette, I just wanted to understand more of those choices before she became an addict. Before it alternated her brain and became a chronic disease.

In the first part of this memoir, before she gets into all the pills—aside from all those Tylenol 1s with codeine—and all the distraction from the real issues, she had just screen-tested for Ron Howard. She was looking for the next big thing. A Canadian living in Los Angeles with the plan to make it big. She writes: I was ready for the stunning payoff to a tantric career that had left me painfully unsatisfied. That she never felt “full.”
Driving back from this audition she did the many "what ifs" in her head about getting the part. That voice inside that said she was a loser and a waste of space. She was driving fast down the highway and what does she do? She masturbates while driving while—as she described—listening to Cobain’s suicidal screams.

And there I feel, we have it: the choice or the need for addiction. Clues left behind in her own words.

[Ceeceereads · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got into this memoir straight away. The story of a chronically ill young woman and an all-consuming addiction to prescription drugs. It was honest- the author doesn’t always paint herself in the best light and I think that’s applaudable. This memoir was different in that she had been introduced to prescription drugs at a young age due to her medical condition.

Here, the addiction intersected with the illness and both facets of this story were fascinating and gripping. There were often blurred lines in where one ended and the other began, with the two roads intersecting at pivotal moments leaving just enough room for self-preservation and justification- be it to herself, her partner, or to medical professionals. She was existing on a knife’s edge.

This is the journey into the depths of her mind during a devastating- and at times frightening- addiction. It’s not pretty but it is candid and soul-baring. I felt like a fly on the wall, with her perceptiveness making every scene feel like it was unfolding before my eyes: the desperation, deception, and self-abuse. The reference to ‘Her’ being the drug of choice and the demanding mistress, heightening the consuming betrayal and rationalizations of the addict. The drug was a ‘Her’; an elicit affair, the third person in her marriage.

She conveyed her own witty and unique energy through the telling of her death-defying story. It was actually quite terrifying- the sheer scale of it. The tragedy being that she, more than anyone, needed to take care of her health. This memoir has demonstrated how consuming addiction is, but also how redemptive recovery can be, and how important it is to never lose hope. This was her own unique story to tell, and tell it she did. 5 stars. I have been unable to put it down.

[Carolyn Soper · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. So raw, so honest, such a journey. Getting sober for real always takes tremendous courage....to then go back and re-live it must take so much more. Henriette does a marvellous job of allowing us, as the reader, to get inside the crazy head of an addict. The choices made that continued her on what is a very lonely road....heading into, being stuck in and then pulling out of addiction is just that, truly a path of one. Of course, there is always collateral damage and Kevin, Henriette's husband, is the true embodiment of that, making this also a love story of the highest order.
I highly recommend this book for everyone...addicts, recovering addicts and people lucky enough to have never dealt with this particular demon. It is definitely a page turner. A wonderful first book!

[Nina Foster · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brutally honest account of the author’s battle with chronic kidney disease alongside her other disease of drug and alcohol addiction. It was a tough battle on both ends, and I don’t know how she managed to survive between trying to protect her transplants and overdosing. The need to get high overrode concern for her transplants. It amazes me what the human body can endure. It’s an interesting read!

[Kish.Pisani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book prior to the author speaking at the memoir class I’m currently taking. I’ve read several “quit lit” books but this one takes the cake. It’s real, raw and gave me a better understanding of addiction. A must read for those in the medical or social service space working with people with profound addictions. Henriette is awful in her book and I’m glad I got to meet her (via Zoom) because she really is delightful and has more to share.

[Steven Montag · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Biting humor and pathetic sadness. A very well written journey of the horrors of addiction and hope for recovery.

[Elizabeth R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

You will not be able to put this book down once you pick it up. As most of the reviews here have stated, this memoir of addiction and recovery is a brutally honest book, written with at-times frightening clarity--and a large dose of humor. But there's more to it than that--Henriette writes as a person who has been through the fire and lived, and therefore is able to be honest and compassionate about all of the experiences--addiction, lying, rationalization, excuses, bargaining--that she put herself and her family through. Henriette is not afraid to clearly portay the ugliness that she descended into, because through revisiting those depths (in astonishing detail) we can know that there can be a way forward.

You will definitely want to give up on her—it’s hard. It’s not a story you can recommend to friends without a disclaimer. Yet her writing voice is so clear you will be compelled to keep listening. I have a seen a few reviews here that her behavior was so bad, they couldn’t care what happened to her. I couldn’t disagree more. Stick with her; you will care. And be amazed at the power of redemption, which requires constant maintenance, but does exist.

Thank you, Henriette!

[Sharon Gates · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ivanans tells her story with brutal honesty and agonizing vulnerability. She provides a glimpse into a world few have seen and even fewer would want to experience, yet does it with an eloquence that enables the reader to connect on a heart level with the human being at the center of the maelstrom. Readers should come to this book prepared to be astonished.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is wild! I kept asking myself how the author is still alive while reading this. I was a pharmacy tech for many years, and when working in that environment it doesn’t take long to learn which patients might be addicted to prescription drugs. So, it was really interesting for me to get this perspective, and I found myself sympathizing with the author.

Also, this is a true love story. If someone has a partner that sticks it out with them through ALL of this isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.

This memoir is extremely well written, and I highly, HIGHLY recommend reading it.

Thank you for the free copy. I’m so happy I won and now own it!

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, although it was odd to read a book about a woman who referred to her substance as "she".

The honesty is impressive, Henriette does not shy away from telling it like it was. She does not make herself come out as the hero. In fact, in many instances I really did not like her at all.

I am, however, amazed at how the people around her, including her husband and some of her doctors served as her drug pushers. Her husband seemed to respond to her addiction with lots of dark looks and very little else. The medical doctors either did not care or did not figure out that giving the drug addict more drugs might not be the best course of action? I almost lost it when her husband asks her if she wants some of his pills for her pain????!!! then he gets mad at her for taking/stealing pills.

Nobody is really likeable in this story, but that's kind of the point.

I do love how Henriette finally becomes honest with herself and that 12 steps become a huge part of her life.

Towards the end, the book started to lag, but overall, a good read.

[Shauna Muldrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a talented author! The writing was flawless, and the story was enthralling. For anyone who has been impacted by addiction, this provides a brutally honest truth about the power of this disease. Many parts of this story resonated deeply - the relationship with pills/alcohol that was greater than marriage, the feelings of pain and hopelessness, and the trials and tribulations of recovery. I am inspired! Highly recommend!

[Elisabeth Brookshire · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so much more

This compelling book is about so much more than addiction. The author chronicles her battle with kidney failure while fighting another issue, a horrible problem with prescription medications. Anyone who has struggled with an addiction of any sort will get something from this book. I truly enjoyed this book and highly recommend it.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

I liked the characters and the way the story was told - jumping around in points of time, not chronological. This is a true love story.

[Valerie Moll · Rating 5 out of 5]

Henriette Ivanan's book is one of the most compelling memoirs I've ever read. Although Ms. Ivanans initially elected to pursue a career in the entertainment field, I feel that she is a natural born writer, and truly one of the most accomplished writer and memoirist I've come across after reading dozens of other memoirs. In her depiction of her struggle with addiction, there are no bars held. Her natural talent for writing combined with her brutal honesty about herself and the dark path that her addiction led her down makes for a very rough but riveting ride. Her nightmare is compounded by the kidney disease that occurred in her youth, and the additional stress of tolerating and managing the physical and emotional stress that entails being a two time kidney transplant survivor. No matter how dark and sad her story became, I found myself pulling for her and her devoted husband from beginning to end. I sensed her inner core of strength and wistfulness in even her darkest days for the desire of a better life and the continuation of her marriage in spite of the ravages of addiction that kept her hostage and prevented her for so long in turning her life around. I feel that her memoir is a testament to her soul's strength and also the grace that ultimately saved her and resulted in a renewed happy life with her soulmate husband who had his own battle to fight in his struggle as to whether or not to give up on her. I feel that this book is an account of the true meaning of love between two people who were meant to be with one another through thick and thin. The prevailing message of her story, though, and the most significant element to take away from it, is the fact that addiction is a disease and an almost undefeatable foe for even the strongest individual. There is a miraculous element to Ms. Ivanan's survival and ultimate success in coming out to the other side of addiction into a renewed life of sobriety. She has gone even further, though, in educating and helping others who are dealing with addiction. While unable to be other than self focused during her formidable struggle, she has now become an advocate for addiction as a disease, and, as such, not a cause for self condemnation or shame. As a close relative of a long term pill addict who didn't survive her addiction, this book proved extremely helpful to me in understanding why most addicts don't survive. I'm forever grateful to Ms. Ivanans for her courage in exposing her darkest days with total honesty to explain and further an understanding of addiction. I recommend this book highly to one and all.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Pillness and in Health can make for uncomfortable reading because Henriette bravely and openly puts herself under the microscope. There would be little purpose to a memoir about addiction that was less than fully honest, and this one is unsparingly so. The author makes no attempt to sugarcoat how her addiction developed from family genetics and chronic health issues (two kidney transplants), and about how destructive her compulsions were to her personal health and her relationships with friends and immediate family, particularly her husband. By reading this book, we understand that addiction is a disease process like other physical and mental illnesses. Those who do not have a genetic predisposition towards addiction may better come to understand how it develops. Most importantly, those who have faced their own addiction struggles (and their loved ones) can draw hope from Henriette's story. Through the loving intervention of those who care about her, she was able to be receptive to the help she needed to get well and stay well - including not just strict abstinence, but the critical self-examination and spiritual inspiration necessary to sustain it. This is at its heart a narrative about the possibility of climbing out of dark places and reclaiming a life. The self-publication of this book is a further testament to Henriette's commitment to overcoming her illness and sharing her story with others in need of encouragement. It's also beautifully written and hard to put down. Highly recommended!

[V Jentry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not only could Henriette talk circles around most doctors, but she unapologetically spills her guts throughout the pages. Henriette's writing is vivid, making you feel like you are sitting next to her in rehab and AA meetings. She helps you understand what it's like to itch for a fix. She dives head-on into topics, like the loss of her father, 2 kidney transplants, Rehab, God, dreams of becoming an actress, a marriage in shambles, the lies, the patterns, the agony and ecstasy of it all, and ultimately, the long road of recovery and redemption...all of this with the Hollywood hills as the backdrop.....But here's the thing, this is a story about a husband and wife who never "throw in the towel." In a day and age where people get sick of trying and where often times it's just easier to walk away and wipe the slate clean, to start over.....Henriette and Kevin prove that true love and commitment do in fact exist...Soul mates aren't just something in the movies. Henriette brings humanity to the topic of addiction. I've been intrigued and inspired by her journey for over a decade. Watching her share her story as she daily balances addiction and chronic pain while educating and supporting others is beautiful. A must read

[Lauren Armstrong · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Pillness and in Health is a captivating, brutally honest, gut-wrenching (in a good way), memoir that teleports you directly into the home and relationship of author Henriette Ivavans and her husband Kevin during her decades long battle with addiction. Her writing is beautifully composed and leaves no stone unturned. It is raw and, at many times, terrifying. I rarely FEEL so much while reading a book, but this book doesn’t let one single emotion escape. You can feel the pain, you can feel the deceit, you can feel the collapse, you can feel the love. You feel shock, anger, resentment, awe, pride, relief. I could not put this book down and read it in one sitting. This book is for anyone and everyone....addicts themselves, family members or friends of those suffering from addiction, and those that don’t know a thing about it. You often times forget you are reading a true story...I would not be surprised if I saw this adapted to the big screen someday. I sincerely hope Henriette gives us a sequel at some point as I’m dying to experience her last several years. I am thankful for getting to experience such a moving memoir. Henriette and Kevin have forever left a mark on my soul. Buy this book, read this book, give this book as a gift. You won’t be disappointed.

[Christina Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Pillness and Health is an unbelievable raw and heart-wrenching account of an addict fighting for her life to recovery. The stories are detailed, very personal and not for the faint-of-heart. As I was reading I felt as through I were there, as Henriette, and feeling all of the feelings deep in my chest and throughout my body. Pain, Agony, Anger, Shame, Guilt, Helpless, Hopeless and finally Willingness were all characters in this book and all of them at some point were drowning Henriette in her addiction, resuming the role as lead character.

This is an incredibly brave underdog story that shares the nitty gritty details of her journey. (we all love an underdog story, right?) Recovery from alcoholism and addiction is not an easy road, or a pretty journey, and you can clearly see why when reading this book. If you're lucky enough to get sober, it's an everyday fight to stay that way. Henriette beautifly writes how terribly awful this disease is and I think this book is for anyone suffering from addiction, loved ones of alcoholics and addicts, and just anyone interested in learning about alcoholism and addiction and how, with help, recovery is possible.

I couldn't put this book down and I can't wait to see what she'll be writing next. Amazing author!

[Elizabeth R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Fearless Write, an Amazing Read!

You will not be able to put this stunning book down once you pick it up. As most of the reviews here have stated, this memoir of addiction and recovery is a brutally honest story, written with at-times frightening clarity--and a large dose of humor. But there's more to it than that--Henriette writes as a person who has been through the fire and lived, and therefore is able to be honest and compassionate about all of the experiences--addiction, lying, rationalization, excuses, bargaining--that she put herself and her family through. Henriette is not afraid to clearly portay the ugliness that she descended into, because through revisiting those depths (in astonishing detail) we can know that there can be a way forward.
You will definitely want to give up on her—it’s hard. It’s not a story you can recommend to friends without a disclaimer. Yet her writing voice is so clear you will be compelled to keep listening. I have a seen a few reviews here that her behavior was so bad, they couldn’t care what happened to her. I couldn’t disagree more. Stick with her; you will care. And be amazed at the power of redemption, which requires constant maintenance, but does exist.

[Bessee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'll start off by saying that I consider myself to be something of an addiction memoir connoisseur - I've probably read close to a hundred and this one immediately landed itself in my Top Five. Like Ivanans, I have struggled with substance misuse for most of my adult life. At 36, after two stints in rehab that didn't take, I have finally found my footing in sobriety. Like Ivanans, pills and alcohol were my substances of choice. While there are endless memoirs on alcohol addiction, pill addiction memoirs are comparatively scarce and I feel like this was the story I yearned to read for so many years. Like Ivanans, I have an amazingly loyal, adoring spouse who I put through hell and who stood by me still. My spouse has read this book and gained a much deeper understanding of my experience - an invaluable gift for which I will be forever grateful. I truly cannot adequately put into words how much I related to and needed this unflinchingly honest, raw, oftentimes hilarious, articulate, brave, vulnerable story of this amazing woman. I couldn't put it down and know I will go back to it again and again. I cannot thank Henriette Ivanans nor recommend this book highly enough!!!