Haunted by Parents

by Leonard Shengold

A distinguished psychoanalyst offers a humanistic reflection on the parent-child bond and how it affects our ability—or inability—to change 

In this book the eminent psychoanalyst Leonard Shengold looks at why some people are resistant to change, even when it seems to promise a change for the better. Drawing on a lifetime of clinical experience as well as wide readings of world literature, Shengold shows how early childhood relationships with parents can lead to a powerful conviction that change means loss. 

Dr. Shengold, who is well known for his work on the lasting effects of childhood trauma and child abuse in such seminal books as Soul Murder and Soul Murder Revisited , continues his exploration into the consequences of early psychological injury and loss. In the examples of his patients and in the lives and work of such figures as Edna St. Vincent Millay, William Wordsworth, and Henrik Ibsen, Shengold looks at the different ways in which unconscious impressions connected with early experiences and fantasies about parents are integrated into individual lives. He shows the difficulties he’s encountered with his patients in raising these memories to the conscious level where they can be known and owned; and he also shows, in his survey of literary figures, how these memories can become part of the creative process.  

Haunted by Parents offers a deeply humane reflection on the values and limitations of therapy, on memory and the lingering effects of the past, and on the possibility of recognizing the promise of the future.

279 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Leonard Shengold takes his title from one of Charles Dickens' stories, "The Haunted Man." Shengold quotes from the story: "My parents, at the best, were of that sort whose care soon ends, and whose duty is soon done. . . . Thus I prey upon myself. Thus memory is my curse; and, if I could forget my sorrow and my wrong, I would." Through case histories, (auto)biographies of famous persons, and literary texts, Shengold explores the effects of patients' excessive attachment to parents whose influence was emotionally detrimental or who left too soon due to death or abandonment. It is by being "haunted by parents," Shengold argues, that we insist that "change is loss" and refuse to make healthy adjustments. [He is speaking about personal development, which is the spirit in which his work must be taken. My one argument with Shengold is that he fails to take into account cultural and political factors. That is, change DOES mean loss if "change" means one's land or job or family or traditions have been forcibly taken away.] As Shengold wisely points out, helping patients to "own" their reluctance to lessen parents' longlasting domination requires much therapeutic repetition of memories, dreams, associations, analytic interpretations, and so forth. Thus, his book itself is therapeutic in that there are carefully linked but somewhat repetitive narratives about fascinatingly "haunted" figures such as Benjamin Spock, William Wordsworth, Leonard Woolf, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Sergei Timofeevich Aksakov, and so on. Also, there is the beautifully repeated motif of the spring garden (womb) that comes to life but dies away so that all that's left is a memory. Such repetition helps one understand the full power of Shengold's argument.

[Laren · Rating 1 out of 5]

The main point to this book is that people can trace their own resistance to change back to early childhood interactions with their parents. It's an interesting idea, but poorly executed in this book if you are not an ardent student of psychology. I believe from the language used that the intended audience for this book is much more hardcore than I am. Additionally, the author supports his theory using examples from literature more than from real people. I'll admit that after the first chapter where he analyzes a non-fiction book & author (Dr. Spock) I chose to skim over the rest instead of delving into it to the extent I was expecting.

[Jonathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an incredible body of work Shengold left us.

Odd how much interesting stuff is in the appendix in this book