Fail to the Chief

by W.T. Fallon, V.R. Craft

It's a Parody of Presidential Proportions.

After years of emceeing insipid singing competitions, TV personality Bryan Seafoam can't wait to host American President, the world's first reality show to elect a country's Chief Executive. It’s the chance he’s waited a lifetime for—an opportunity to be a real journalist, unearthing skeletons and playing hardball with the top ten candidates.

But it doesn't take long for the contestants to start digging up dirt of their own and throwing it back at him—literally, in the case of billionaire candidate Ronald Chump when he's challenged to dig his own moat along the Mexican border. To make matters worse, Bryan's producer pressures him to be nicer to the candidates, and his former crush, now an experienced political correspondent, shows up—and shows him up at every turn.

When a cheating scandal rocks the show, Bryan suspects it's just the tip of a very ugly and underhanded iceberg. Will exposing the plot to wreck the most hysterical—er, historic—election of all time cost him everything? Or lead to a reward like nothing he’s ever imagined?

With a keen eye on the evolving roles of social media and pop culture in shaping public opinion today, Craft’s fast-paced, sharply-honed narrative paints a humorous picture at the horrifying specter of modern American politics.

Genres: Humor

255 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 1, 2020

About the author

W. T. Fallon drew on her extensive experience at being underemployed, unemployable, and dealing with compulsive liars when she wrote Fail to the Chief, a book about politicians competing in the ultimate reality show. She wrote it in a month after getting fired from the only job she'd ever had that paid like she was the two-time college graduate she is and not a kindergarten dropout. Paying too much for a college diploma that loses value every day—only to be underemployed in multiple retail jobs—was just one of the many issues she wanted to address in her first book. Because she believes if you can't say something nice, you should say something sarcastic and totally on point, she dedicated herself to writing a comedy about the world's biggest circus, er, caucus, otherwise known as the presidential election.
W. T. has few marketable skills, but is highly talented in the areas of sarcasm, satire, and snark. For the past several years, she has written for the local Gridiron Show, and this year she started a blog called Sharable Sarcasm. She was recently published on The Satirist, and has been writing for Humor Outcasts since September of 2016.

About Fail to the Chief:

After years of emceeing insipid singing competitions, TV personality Bryan Seafoam can't wait to host "American President," the world's first reality show to elect a country's Chief Executive. It's the chance he's waited a lifetime for--an opportunity to be a real journalist, unearthing skeletons and playing hardball with the top ten candidates.

But it doesn't take long for the contestants to start digging up dirt of their own and throwing it back at him--literally, in the case of billionaire candidate Ronald Chump when he's challenged to dig his own moat along the Mexican border. To make matters worse, Bryan's producer pressures him to be nicer to the candidates, and his former crush, now an experienced political correspondent, shows up--and shows him up at every turn.

When a cheating scandal rocks the show, Bryan suspects it's just the tip of a very underhanded iceberg. Will exposing the plot to wreck the most hysterical--er, historic--election of all time cost him everything? Or lead to an even bigger reward he never anticipated.

Reviews

[Sonal Panse · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Fail to the Chief' opens in a USA where the 'By the People, For the People' act - the Twenty-Eighth Amendment - has allowed a novel way of selecting the President of the country. Get together a gaggle of jaded politicians and ordinary citizens and make them jump through hoops for audience delectation on a reality show. The audience-selected winner gets to rule the roost.

The ten candidates, under 24/7 camera fire, have to perform certain tasks - like working at low paying, menial jobs, indulging in a drinking game, undergoing a polygraph analysis, and participating in a boxing match - and to answer specific questions on how they mean to run the country and what their stance is on issues like immigration and employment. Their responses win or lose them the audience/voter approval and can eject them off the show. Of the participants, Ronald Chump is an obvious spoof of Donald Trump and Ronda Harper of Hillary Clinton.

Bryan Seafoam (clearly, a spoof of Ryan Seacrest), the main character and the less-than-enthusiastic host of the show, wanted to be a reputable journalist once and changed tracks due to the lack of money and opportunities in the journalism field. As the story progresses, he gets more and more fed up with the fakery he has to assume and tolerate in order to continue with his present job and longs to go back to the ethical, idealistic dreams of his youth. The plot is fast-paced, without a dull moment, and reaches a satisfactory conclusion.

Along with being very well-written, 'Fail to the Chief' by W. T. Fallon is an excellent satire on the state of US politics and also takes several sharp jabs at some of the less savory aspects of US popular culture. There is scathing commentary too on the sell-out nature of present-day journalism; though, if you dig deep, you find that most mainstream journalism has always been a public relations exercise, as Orwell once said, partisan to one or the other cause and never really giving us a true picture of things; in the days before social media, you had to rely on the reporter's version of events and there was no telling how biased this could be.

Anyway, you don't necessarily have to be familiar with the shenanigans of US politicians to enjoy this book, but having some background information will certainly help you better appreciate the snarky and sardonic humor. The author clearly has a strong grasp on the economic, social, and governmental issues plaguing the USA, and exposes how much incompetence, chicanery, and self-aggrandizement actually go on in 'serious politics' and what low characters the 'leaders' actually are; they are perhaps even more narcissistic and over-the-top in real life than portrayed here; I read somewhere once that certain psychotic types are more inclined to public life than normal people. The reality is already like watching a train-wreck and this book injected levity in the unavoidable crash.

Important to keep in mind what Bryan Seafoam said - “What I’ve heard from people, through this whole contest, is how much big businesses and special interests are controlling Congress—and our laws. It doesn’t seem to matter if we elect Republicans or Democrats, they’re all being bought."

[Pamela Canepa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was hard to put down. From the satirical title, to the play on the politician's names (such as Ronald Chump), it promises plenty of laughter and wit while poking fun at our political system. Let's be honest, our last election was a bit of a circus, so the book, in a sense, mirrors real-life (unfortunately). There are lots of surprises and ironic laughs in this satire. Take, for example, the candidates being hooked up to polygraph machines while delivering their campaign promises. I truly enjoyed it. The plot is fast-paced with plenty of snappy dialogue. This book shakes a finger at career Republicans and Democrats alike, pointing out the failures of such career politicians who operate mainly in their own self-interest. Each candidate is a caricature of someone we've seen before, and it made the whole premise even more circus-like.
If you've ever enjoyed watching SNL and their parodies of political candidates, or revelled in the dark humor of movies such as Idiocracy, you'll get a kick out of this political satire.

[Glen Weissenberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clever, Clever, Clever Contemporary Political Satire!

W.T. Fallon (who, I can only imagine, has derived endless personal amusement from her own initials), shares them with another “WTF” in this acerbic must-read.

Wry, sardonic wit bounces off every page of Fail to the Chief, and Fallon had me laughing aloud.

Her hypothetical electoral process (no less absurd than the one in place) crosses American-Idol-voting (and our society’s fascination with celebrity) with real life Undercover Boss-type grunge work done by most of the candidates, doing so to great effect.

Fallon's writing is tight, well informed, and unapologetic, reminding me of Andy Borowitz’s (The New Yorker). She knows the terrain of civics and representative government well, and lampoons it with both barrels. I appreciated the injection of discussion of substantive issues, which enriches the novel but never slows the plot or dulls Fail to the Chief’s acerbic edge.

Laughter is the greatest of balms, and Fail to the Chief superbly delivers.

[Linda Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, that's my first thought as I read the final page of W.T. Fallon’s book, Fail to the Chief. I absolutely loved the humor, and much appreciated the irony of the story line. I'm sure W.T. did not realize that her Chump would, in fact, end up the new US president, but she certainly had him pegged from the very beginning. And our author is right - could we pick our president by way of a reality show and get it any more wrong than what just happened? I love the author's satirical style of writing, but even when we realize it's all rather over the top, we must also realize that her characterizations aren't that far off the mark. What's next for W.T.? I'm eagerly waiting to learn what she's planning now. Great job - intriguing book - definitely leaves the reader with something to think about when they reach the final page.

[Tabitha Ormiston-Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the funniest thing I've read all year. If you're American, if you take any interest at all in America's upcoming presidential election, this is a must read! The characters, the scenario, everything - it's the worst of reality TV gone wild. If I hadn't actually seen some of these reality shows, I'd have thought it far-fetched, but sadly, I fear it is grittily realistic.

Be that as it may, I don't know when I have laughed out loud so many times reading a book. I utterly loved every single sentence! It's beautifully written and a total hoot from start to finish. If I could give more than five stars, I would.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seriously Laugh Out Loud funny! OMG, I don't know if Fallon is psychic or just more in tune with the ridiculous nature of humanity than the rest of us. This is a must read. After the recent election events, I'm sure readers will get an eery spine tickling feeling while reading this.

My favorite character, hands down, is Bryan Seafoam...poor guy. Give it a go guys!

For readers who like political satire and who are so terrified at current events that they need a good laugh to get them going again.

*laugh-cry emoji*

[Marco Peel · Rating 4 out of 5]

All the world’s a stage...

What if instead of voting for an electoral college in presidential elections, American citizens could vote for their candidates directly, in a reality show campaign?

This is the premise of Fail to the Chief, a wonderfully sarcastic and original take on democracy, the establishment and the media. A clever parody of last the 2016 US elections in an alternate reality.

Appointing the highest offices in a country on the basis of performance in a reality show may seem a silly idea at first, but as one reads along it starts too look more and more like the media circus the elections already are, or perhaps actually less so...

It is sometimes easy to lose sight of who is who and stands for what in the large list of original candidates, and why they are chosen to participate in the show in the first place isn’t really explained. Most just seem to have crawled out of the woodwork of the paneled offices of politics as usual. Lastly, the ending feels a bit rushed and perhaps a bit too optimistic.

All in all though, an great, funny read. The perfect embodiment of the old saying that it is better to laugh than to cry.

[Alan Lampe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good, humorous book. W.T. did a great job of spinning the US presidential election into a reality show. There were a couple of scenes, namely the announcing of the winners, that I thought could have been expanded to draw out more humor.

The characters are developed, but there are many of them. Keeping up with all ten candidates, their stances on immigration, the economy, and our safety did get a bit confusing for me. But if you keep good notes and read faster than I do, it shouldn't be a problem for you.

I enjoyed having the candidates do mundane jobs. Wish that would be part of our electoral process.

[Samuel · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Fail to the Chief" is a polished and well-written book. I enjoyed the dialogue and the rapid pace, and the subject matter is timely and relevant. (Intentionally) thinly-disguised imitations of Ryan Seacrest, Donald Trump et al are present and correct, and the author spins an entertaining yarn from the rich subject matter.
Unfortunately, while I found the book mildly amusing throughout, the humour didn't quite have enough punch for me. The satire - while accurate and well-observed - never really bit hard enough and I found plot somewhat dissatisfying as a result. I was a little disappointed that some of the ambiguous and intractable elements of the Trump "phenomenon" were overlooked, and I found the book's outlook a little too clear-cut overall.
That said, there is a lot to enjoy here, and it is certainly worth investing in for anyone with even a passing interest in satire.

[Cat Caruthers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious take on the election. In this book, the election is carried out as a reality show, so people can vote from home. (Might make voter turnout better if we actually did things that way.) There's a slew of unqualified candidates running for prez. There's the bazillionaire who doesn't have any experience doing anything but counting his own money, the dumb third-party candidate whose only real solution to every problem is "legalize pot", the congressman who tries to appeal to voters by trying to be the most devoutly religious candidate (who you know has the biggest skeletons hiding in his closet).
The candidates have to do all the things we wish real candidates would have to do. They work real jobs, with no aides and PR people running around trying to help them look good. (In one really funny scene, a governor who oppose an increase in the minimum wage is forced to work in a fast-food restaurant, where customers yell at him, kids throw ketchup at him, and his coworkers explain the difficulty of making a living.) They have to debate hooked up to polygraphs.
The whole book was very funny and I enjoyed it.

[Marie-Jo Fortis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Americans are more prone to vote for their favorite singer on a reality show than they are to vote for a senator. So what if they were to choose their president in a similar way? What if this reality show were filled with a bunch of tests meant to display who the candidates really are? Would that work?

Such is the premise of satirist W.T. Fallon’s novel, who puts the cameras on each contestant day in, day out, so that Americans can watch and then begin a gradual process of elimination. One by one, candidates are being “sent home” until we get to the three finalists.

I love the premise, so very timely. Most candidates are recognizable, the most spoofed being Chump, ridiculed to the highest degree during a boxing match when, orange toupee flying away and face disfigured by a few punches, demands that the best cosmetic surgeon come right away! In this scene and in others, such as when candidates have to drink alcohol (a drunk doesn’t lie), Fallon mingles satire and comedy quite successfully, at times to the point of hilarity.

With the satire comes social commentary. Add to that the economical analysis. By introducing a schoolteacher as a candidate, Fallon makes the reader ask this question: would the everyday person, with her fresh views of a situation, really do worse than the seasoned politician who, for years, has been molded like soft clay into too many different shapes, lost even to herself by too many compromises?

Fallon addresses the issue of journalism as well—crucial these days. Bryan, the main character, realizes he has compromised his integrity as well. A former serious journalist, he has let a high paid job submerge the sharp, biting reflexes that his job demands. Journalists can be—must be—the instruments of liberty.

Despite its merits, Fail to the Chief gets into a chattiness that derails the satire from time to time. Yes, politicians love to talk, but Fallon doesn’t have to let them go on and on. Her enthusiasm for social issues leaves little breathing space at moments when the reader would need these spots for reflection. The unsaid is important, like silence in music. But she also has beautiful phrasing, such as this: “For the first time since the show started, he remembered what it was like when he and Joanne worked in that piddling Oklahoma TV station in a town where there were more cows than television.” There is a whole world in that sentence, something tender, poetic and tragicomic. This is a mark of a true writer.

For that, and for the political satire—something we need so very much right now—I am happy to give W.T. Fallon and her Fail to the Chief five stars.

[Dave Saari · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amusing political satire

W. T. Fallon’s Fail to the Chief pokes fun at American presidential elections by envisioning a future in which the Electoral College system has been abandoned in favor of a reality TV show. The years-long process (campaign debates, primary elections, nominating conventions, and more debates, finally culminating in votes cast by the people on the Tuesday following the first Monday in November) has been replaced – instead, the President, Vice President, and Secretary of State are chosen in a few weeks through instant voting by TV viewers. The new show is appropriately titled American President, and it involves competitions developed along the lines of American Idol, The Apprentice, and the myriad reality shows that have been so popular for the past couple of decades.

The premise is quite amusing, and Fallon’s candidates are generally portrayed as self-serving, morally bankrupt hypocrites, not to mention complete idiots. The cast includes the likes of gazillionaire Ronald Chump, the perpetually stoned Bob Fuller, Bible-thumper Bob Brumley, and assorted other political types, along with some “real people” voted into the competition by viewers. The candidates are all under 24/7 video surveillance, and the show’s producer delights in selecting the most embarrassing clips to broadcast on the show and upload to the show’s web site. The candidates are given various challenges, such as working together to balance the federal budget (if they fail at that particular one they’ll all be kicked off the show). The biggest individual challenge for each candidate is a one-day assignment to a “real job” selected by the show’s producer to demonstrate their skills, or lack thereof. The show’s host, Bryan Seafoam, stops by periodically to interview the candidates on the job. Not unexpectedly, the candidates all perform quite poorly.

Fallon creates a series of amusing situations to demonstrate the candidates’ shortcomings. They are regularly upbraided by ordinary people who lecture them on what they ought to be doing to make the country a better place. These interactions are Fallon’s means for expressing her opinions – the resounding message is that the politicians have lost touch with real people. Unfortunately, I felt that the dialogue in these interactions was often stilted and unrealistic.

While I enjoyed the book, I am only giving it a three-star rating, perhaps unfairly. While I realize it’s a political satire and I shouldn’t expect it to be realistic, I was very annoyed by the apparent misunderstanding of how American Government actually works. There are discussions of legislation to be drafted by the President, subject to veto by Congress (precisely the opposite of reality). The change to the election system has been passed by Congress in the form of the “By the People, for the People Act.” This act somehow becomes the Twenty-Eighth Amendment to the Constitution and repeals the Twelfth Amendment with no mention of the requirement for ratification by two-thirds of the State Legislatures, a process that would take years to complete. Apparently, the Amendment can also be cancelled at the whim of Congress if they so choose, arbitrarily deciding that it is unconstitutional, even though such a determination would be the responsibility of the Supreme Court. (I also found it hard to understand how an Amendment, which is a binding part of the Constitution, could be deemed unconstitutional. It could, of course, be repealed through the process defined in the Constitution.) Given the public’s appalling lack of understanding of how our Government works, I was very disappointed that Fallon put forth these misconceptions in her book. Accurate descriptions would not in any way have reduced the fun. We don’t need any more sources of misinformation and “fake news” than we already have, even in a humorous spoof. (I apologize now as I dismount and stow away the soap box.)

My rant now complete, I will reiterate that I enjoyed the book and am sure others will as well. I only hope they don’t take it as a civics lesson.

[David Fisher · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Political Farce.

I picked up this book with high expectations. The author's bio, her self-deprecation, her hints at take-offs on our society, her poking fun at ourselves for being tolerant or, more likely, for the bizarre ways we choose our leaders.

In this satirical work the laws governing the election of the president of the USA have been changed to make the popular vote "popular" and have the contestants chosen and elected by the people. Only in this case the people are TV viewers, a TV audience and the social media. (Fanciful, but within the realms of modern thought processes!)

It is an amusing burlesque based on the recent presidential election in the USA. The theme is that incompetence in high office is no longer scary. The story begins with the setting up of the show on a popular network and the selection of the contestants. The aim is to get "the people" to chose the president and, naturally, to maximise advertising income. (Here the story's logic fails somewhat, but it's not a serious hitch within the context of the story.) Lampooning politicians, though, is like beating a dead horse. Politicians have a reputation for stupidity, and more
slapstick doesn't enhance the tale but does slow down the pace. Nevertheless, the story is well written and an easy read.

The lack of a suspense element, the force that grabs you, that drives the story, is soon evident. The narrative becomes more a commentary than a story. Writing satire has the advantage in that the writers don't need to pull punches. And, in a way, this story doesn't. But I began to wonder who was being lampooned - the candidates or the voters or even the TV network. Or all three!

As the story was written in 2016 and spoofs Trump and Co. the figures in the book are easily identifiable and offer plenty of potential for giving them substance. But with a couple of exceptions they are dull and cliched, conforming to the hackneyed personalities top politicians and entertainers have become.

Shanda, the show's producer, however, despite all her ranting and screaming, is action oriented and keeps the whip cracking and the story moving along. Bryan, her slow-witted show master, is sympathetic but a niche player with more ambition than ability. However, he comes across in an interesting, stop-gap way and also keeps the story moving. The other characters are mostly cardboard figures and their dialogue doesn't even sound like the characters they are spoofing. Especially Mr T whose speech pattern is freaky and an easy gift to any satirist.

Good satire, though, looks a bit different to this book's version. It is fresh, has a sharp edge and offers insights into character and situation in a humorous way. While the political scenes and the politicians in this book are cliched, there is nonetheless plenty of comic action behind the cameras which gives the tale a bit of a boost. I think though that something more subtle would have increased the impact of the story. More finesse would have made it more satisfying. In all, the bite is missing – or doesn't come through. When, at the end, it came to voting time I found myself voting for Shanda, the caricature of modern TV entertainment.

Some people will like this book. I'm sorry to say, I didn't. It could have been so much better.

Three stars for a neat idea.