Aside from a deadly raging mutant virus that emerged to sweep the globe - that I loved this book SO much is probably my greatest surprise of 2020!
Long Review Alert: I’m about to go all Open Book about Open Book!
When it came to the ultimate teen trifecta of the 2000s? I originally skewed Xtina, or maybe Britney - NOT Jessica. Now, I never had anything against her, and I always thought she was smarter and more talented than she ever got credit for: I just thought that I had absolutely NOTHING in common with her. While I could relate somewhat to Britney’s crazy and Xtina’s drrrrty, with Jessica I just thought, well, she’s a beautiful blonde and tanned cheerleader, she loves football, Texas, the USA, denim, Disneyland, marriage, the troops ...”she’s a good girl, she’s crazy about Elvis, loves Jesus, and her boyfriend too”...and she does! That is ALL still true! But, turns out there was, and is, SO much more to her than that!
We evolve, ya know? So, whereas once I was ride-or-die for Kurt, I’m now kind of in love with Eddie; whereas once I’d fought my mom that John “beats” Paul, I’ve now reversed my stance; and likewise: Step aside, you other two, cuz I’m now Jessica’s biggest fan!
This book IS about personal evolution - and it delivers on that front entirely separately from the fact that this just so happens to be the evolution of a supernova superstar. The memoir addresses themes of emotional maturation, cultivating personal insight and self compassion, and becoming empowered to be able to take responsibility for revising what I like to call “outdated” coping mechanisms (be they behavioral, cognitive, emotional) that may once have been necessary or “only options,” but are no longer serving one well.
Now, that makes this sound like a self-help book, but DON’T be deterred: it’s also incredibly JUICY, for lack of a better term, and delivers no-holds-barred honest revelations about the author and other celebrities, people, places, and things! Amid the torrent of celebrity memoirs these days, I often see complaints that the authors seem to “hold back” too much, even in generally well regarded memoirs (Demi Moore’s is one example). This is not the case here at all. Simpson remains respectful, thoughtful - and anything but restrained! It’s a pretty merciless self-examination and laying bare of flaws.
Nor should this celebrity memoir merit the also-common and valid critique that it really “didn’t need to be written.” In many ways, Simpson seriously might have one of the most interesting celebrity “larger-than-life lives” I’ve heard about in recent memory, especially given her still-young years. You know how so many readers have enjoyed novels like Taylor Jenkins Reid’s The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, and that other one about the Stevie Nicks-like character? Well, this book is like that, but REAL!
The memoir is often poignant, but also supremely entertaining, and Simpson is a consummate Southern storyteller, with lots of colorful language and humor and pithy turns of phrase - which brings me to the point that this audiobook (read by Simpson herself) also ranks among the BEST audiobooks I’ve “read” by far. Simpson (a lifelong avid diarist, turns out) has a very unique voice, and she and her co-writer did an amazing job rendering it - as evidenced by her commanding ownership of, and clear emotional connection to, her prose and story as she reads it. Now, again, I know Simpson is more intelligent and a better actress than she often gets credit for, but still - she would need to be Meryl Streep in order to read the book the way she does if it were not written in what is more or less her true voice.
Simpson writes of an itinerant childhood with some...interesting parents in ministry (and especially a father who, to put it kindly, seemed to have an awwwwful lot going on) who were not able to provide the family with much stability. This, combined with some tenets of her very religious upbringing and a sort of intense personal idealism, innate generosity, and strong sense of filial duty, seemed to result in a kind of “parentification” in which Jessica developed a sense of having to become family breadwinner/caretaker - and her parents seemed not to fight that off too much. The theme of learning to recognize and overcome tendencies toward perfectionism and approval-seeking - learning that one is “enough,” even when also trying to accommodate and balance the many demanding roles of daughter/sister/wife/mother (not to mention bankable superstar) - continues through the book.
Jessica also experiences and writes about childhood and adolescent abuse and bullying. This is especially moving to read because: a) her childhood bullying occurred after she confided in a friend about sexual abuse she had experienced, and that friend then shared that information with others, who shamed/blamed Jessica, and b) the adolescent bullying she experienced was often from male adults within her “purity culture” religious community who shamed/blamed Jessica for having a curvaceous body that “tempted men to sin.” In a horrible sort of abusive whiplash, Jessica then enters the music and entertainment industry and is persistently criticized about the exact SAME thing, but for a totally DIFFERENT reason - she’s “too large” to be as sexually desirable and marketable as she “should” be. Suffice it to say that there’s a lot of good material in this book about the journey of overcoming body shaming and improving body image, acceptance, confidence, and self-esteem.
Also of note is Jessica’s exploration of her romantic partnerships at different levels of personal and relational maturity, and how the process of moving toward a healthy adult relationship paralleled the process of developing self-love and self-knowledge. (Hell, anyone who survives John Mayer and lives to tell the tale probably has some insight!) Along with this, Jessica discusses her at-risk pregnancies, motherhood, and how love for her new family prompted realizations that helped her overcome self-destructive relationships with drinking, pills, eating, and exercise. She also does the hard work many of us need to do in terms of developing better understanding of some of the family of origin dynamics that have impacted her and working on acceptance, forgiveness, and implementing healthier boundaries. And while she doesn’t wallow in self-pity, she also doesn’t make any of this sound too easy: both tendencies are also commonly-cited celebrity memoir pitfalls that this memoir avoids.
There’s so much more stuff in here that I’m not mentioning. But again, guys - I’m making it sound sappy or something, maybe, but it’s so incredibly interesting! If you don’t believe me, you can read the many favorable reviews in major newspapers and other publications - or, ask other American icons, like Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton, who are mentors of Simpson and appear in the book. And speaking of icons, while this also seemed like a very over-the-top, “could only happen in the USA” kind of story, it’s one where, finally, the blonde bombshell icon DOESN’T, like Marilyn or Anna Nicole, die in the end. How refreshing is that? - especially as the memoir shows how things well could have gone quite another way.
Instead, today, Simpson does crafts with her kids, reads and writes in her stacks of journals, writes and records songs in her home studio - I was actually moved to hear how much she truly loves music and songwriting, and she includes a few original songs on her audiobook that emphasize her country/Americana/gospel roots... they were actually really good, you guys! And she does a lot of philanthropic stuff, especially for kids and military families - oh, and she’s also a successful businessperson who runs, in a very hands-on way, her clothing empire, and it’s very interesting to learn about her approach to this and how she identified the niche and guiding philosophies of the brand.
In short, please consider reading or listening to this if you’re at all on the fence about it. IN FACT - I actually painted an entire perimeter of white picket yard fence while listening to this: how all-American is that??! But seriously, the whole pandemic thing was also getting underway when I started listening to this, and it was distracting and uplifting and inspiring and diverting in a much-needed way. Jessica writes of her motivation to support and encourage readers by sharing aspects of her story, and she really does seem, authentically, super patriotic and spiritual - two things I’m decidedly NOT feeling right now when it seems like we are on the highway to hell in a handbasket! But, you know, she really came across as a down-to-earth, decent, encouraging, and helpful human being in a way that just made me feel a little bit more hopeful in the here and now, at a time when it’s extremely hard for me and many of us to do so - and that really says something. I’ll take it where I can get it! Thanks for the hand, Jessica!