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Love Boldly: Embracing Your LGBTQ Loved Ones and Your Faith
"Mom, Dad, I'm gay." One Facebook message completely changed Becky Mackintosh's life in the blink of an eye. Though she had often wondered about her son Sean when he was young, she had never entertained the possibility that her suspicions could be true. And just like that, battle lines were drawn between siblings, parents, friends with the Church somewhere in the middle. A choice was before the Mackintosh family. Just not the one they were expecting. Experience Becky's journey and witness how her faith allowed her to embrace her religion and her gay son. She'll tell you that the answer to every question and conflict is love.
144 pages, Paperback
Published September 10, 2019
28 people are currently reading
180 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
September 12, 2019
Others outside our church feel I don’t fit the mold to be a full temple holder. Others assume I don’t deserve holding a calling working with missionary’s. Others believe I am not going to last-leave our church.
I'm exhausted with people questioning my worth, I'm exhausted justifying to others that I am worthy to be a full temple holder. I'm exhausted with people who have left our church constantly questioning my motives. Questioning why would you join the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? My answer is simple; I couldn't imagine living without this gospel.
We all deceiver the full blessings that one receives from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We must leave judgment for our Savior.
Becky shares a much needed journey of teaching other how we all can Love Boldly, love like Christ. After all, we could learn more about loving everyone.
“No matter your religion, faith background, sexual orientation, or race, I challenge you to choose love.”
—-Dennis Schleicher
Devotional Speaker, Best-Selling Author of: Is He Nuts?: Why a Gay Man Would Become a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ
I'm exhausted with people questioning my worth, I'm exhausted justifying to others that I am worthy to be a full temple holder. I'm exhausted with people who have left our church constantly questioning my motives. Questioning why would you join the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? My answer is simple; I couldn't imagine living without this gospel.
We all deceiver the full blessings that one receives from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We must leave judgment for our Savior.
Becky shares a much needed journey of teaching other how we all can Love Boldly, love like Christ. After all, we could learn more about loving everyone.
“No matter your religion, faith background, sexual orientation, or race, I challenge you to choose love.”
—-Dennis Schleicher
Devotional Speaker, Best-Selling Author of: Is He Nuts?: Why a Gay Man Would Become a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ
July 26, 2022
My sweet neighbor lent this book to me, to understand some hard things going on in her family right now. I’m a better person for having read it. I highly recommend it just as general parenting advice for times when your kids choose a path that isn’t the one you would have chosen for them. The focus of the book, however, is how to be a good member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to love your LGTBQ child. The guiding principle in this book is to just love, love, love.
September 11, 2019
This is a very personal look into a family’s journey to choose love, respect and understanding for every member of the family. No matter what your family circumstances are you will be able to relate and find lessons and insights that will help you on your journey to love as the Savior loves. Becky, Sean and Scott do a wonderful job of showing how a family can be united under any circumstances. You will never regret showing love!
October 15, 2019
Although none of my children are gay, I read this book to gain better understanding and compassion. I learned a great deal about how to treat others with more compassion, kindness and love. I recommend it to anyone who wants to gain more Christlike love.
April 10, 2022
I really really enjoyed reading this book. The story of a mother, a family, and their son who came out as gay, who left the church, married his husband, and yet how this mother and father continue to embrace their son AND the church and their faith.
The biggest take-away for me was two-fold:
1- Christ asks us to love all people - and while there are different kinds and levels of love, when it comes to our FAMILY it is even more important to provide that pure love that only we, as parents, can provide. That doesn't necessarily mean (I am speaking from personal experience here, not the book's message) that the child will accept that love - sometimes the child has their own issues that perhaps impedes them from accepting that love - but not matter, we can still OFFER it.
2- We will never have ALL the answers to ALL of life's issues. We don't really know why or how people turn gay. And those things should not matter when it comes to loving our child/that other person/whomever that identifies as gay or any LGBTQ+. Christ simply says "I understand the details, I'm simply asking you to trust in me, I'll take care of the rest by the time it's all said and done." So really it comes down to: Do I REALLY trust (have faith) in Christ? If I do, then I will find a way to continue loving this person, no matter what their life looks like.
The only issue this book DIDN'T answer for me, personally, was this: What if that child/other person is someone that you cannot trust, and someone who lives in such an opposite universe than you? Well, I've come to the conclusion that without trust, that honest communication, there can be no true relationship, because a true, deep, meaningful relationship MUST have trust at its foundation. But the other part, about them living in a opposite universe than you - I still haven't come to a solid conclusion - I think for now I've realized that we can still love that person, but that perhaps this love will not be the kind that includes a deep, trusting kind of relationship, but rather one that will need some boundaries. And I think that's ok too.
As I have a desire to be understanding, compassionate and Christlike, and above all else I have a desire to follow Christ and obey His commands, then obeying His 2nd greatest command of all (Love thy neighbor as thyself) is of greatest significance, and this book helped me understand even more so than before that I CAN do that even while not having ALL the answers and while not being able to understand ALL things. Each person wants to be loved above all things. Offering that love does not include things like agreeing in all areas, or enabling or being permissive - but it does include not judging wrongly and it does include leaving room to have SOME kind of relationship with that person and offering love, not criticism, not judgment, not correction, etc.
One other thing I really appreciated about this book - is the openness and honestly with which the parents shared their innermost questions, fears, apprehensions, thoughts and even prayers as they went through this experience. As a reader I felt I could really feel the stretch and pull of the growing that they had to go through - sometimes 'endure' - as they grew to become who they are today. Certainly this was not an easy trial to have their lives turned inside out, and head into a new direction - but they faced it with FAITH, and LOVE and they were MEEK : allowing themselves to be taught and guided by the Spirit. They never once questioned their FAITH in God and that was a big example to me. Instead of questioning their faith, which is what too many people turn to all too quickly these days, I think, they went to God and asked Him to TEACH THEM how to understand this, how to deal with this, how this all fit into His plan. That is a lesson I've learned in my own life, and one that I really appreciated them sharing in this book. I think it is a crucial lesson for any believer.... especially in today's Latter-days!
I would highly recommend this book for anyone 12+. Lots of good insights.
The biggest take-away for me was two-fold:
1- Christ asks us to love all people - and while there are different kinds and levels of love, when it comes to our FAMILY it is even more important to provide that pure love that only we, as parents, can provide. That doesn't necessarily mean (I am speaking from personal experience here, not the book's message) that the child will accept that love - sometimes the child has their own issues that perhaps impedes them from accepting that love - but not matter, we can still OFFER it.
2- We will never have ALL the answers to ALL of life's issues. We don't really know why or how people turn gay. And those things should not matter when it comes to loving our child/that other person/whomever that identifies as gay or any LGBTQ+. Christ simply says "I understand the details, I'm simply asking you to trust in me, I'll take care of the rest by the time it's all said and done." So really it comes down to: Do I REALLY trust (have faith) in Christ? If I do, then I will find a way to continue loving this person, no matter what their life looks like.
The only issue this book DIDN'T answer for me, personally, was this: What if that child/other person is someone that you cannot trust, and someone who lives in such an opposite universe than you? Well, I've come to the conclusion that without trust, that honest communication, there can be no true relationship, because a true, deep, meaningful relationship MUST have trust at its foundation. But the other part, about them living in a opposite universe than you - I still haven't come to a solid conclusion - I think for now I've realized that we can still love that person, but that perhaps this love will not be the kind that includes a deep, trusting kind of relationship, but rather one that will need some boundaries. And I think that's ok too.
As I have a desire to be understanding, compassionate and Christlike, and above all else I have a desire to follow Christ and obey His commands, then obeying His 2nd greatest command of all (Love thy neighbor as thyself) is of greatest significance, and this book helped me understand even more so than before that I CAN do that even while not having ALL the answers and while not being able to understand ALL things. Each person wants to be loved above all things. Offering that love does not include things like agreeing in all areas, or enabling or being permissive - but it does include not judging wrongly and it does include leaving room to have SOME kind of relationship with that person and offering love, not criticism, not judgment, not correction, etc.
One other thing I really appreciated about this book - is the openness and honestly with which the parents shared their innermost questions, fears, apprehensions, thoughts and even prayers as they went through this experience. As a reader I felt I could really feel the stretch and pull of the growing that they had to go through - sometimes 'endure' - as they grew to become who they are today. Certainly this was not an easy trial to have their lives turned inside out, and head into a new direction - but they faced it with FAITH, and LOVE and they were MEEK : allowing themselves to be taught and guided by the Spirit. They never once questioned their FAITH in God and that was a big example to me. Instead of questioning their faith, which is what too many people turn to all too quickly these days, I think, they went to God and asked Him to TEACH THEM how to understand this, how to deal with this, how this all fit into His plan. That is a lesson I've learned in my own life, and one that I really appreciated them sharing in this book. I think it is a crucial lesson for any believer.... especially in today's Latter-days!
I would highly recommend this book for anyone 12+. Lots of good insights.
February 15, 2025
It’s really painful to hear how difficult it was for these parents to accept their son—and this was a case in which they responded relatively calmly to a child coming out—but I’m incredibly grateful for their willingness to be transparent about these difficulties.
It also breaks my heart to hear how the 2015 church policy regarding LGBTQ+ members and their children affected so many families so deeply… I wish that faithful members had the freedom to say what many of us have known (or at least sensed deep down) all along. This policy, much like the race based priesthood/temple ban and countless other examples, was never from God.
It also breaks my heart to hear how the 2015 church policy regarding LGBTQ+ members and their children affected so many families so deeply… I wish that faithful members had the freedom to say what many of us have known (or at least sensed deep down) all along. This policy, much like the race based priesthood/temple ban and countless other examples, was never from God.
May 19, 2022
A beautiful perspective
This book is what it promises to be. It both strengthened my faith in my Savior and increased my compassion and acceptance of my LGBTQ brothers and sisters. I loved how the book begins with the son's perspective and ends with the father's perspective.
This book is what it promises to be. It both strengthened my faith in my Savior and increased my compassion and acceptance of my LGBTQ brothers and sisters. I loved how the book begins with the son's perspective and ends with the father's perspective.
April 12, 2024
This book was really difficult for me to read through because it was super relatable to my own feelings as I process changes in my family’s life. I highly recommend this book to anyone that may feel lost about being an ally to their loved one while still remaining faithful to their religion.
August 22, 2021
Like Tom Christofferson's book, this story is a great reminder of how to treat LGBTQ people kindly. Becky Mackintosh is open about the mistakes that she and her formerly-homophobic husband made when their son came out, and it is helpful to learn what not to say. She makes the important point that shaming or ostracizing someone is not going to make them change. In fact, it is likely to make them turn to even more harmful behaviors. If we "just love them," we can maintain our relationship, despite differing beliefs. She compares her gay son to another daughter she had, both of whom were living with boyfriends. While she disagreed with both choices, she welcomed the young men into their family, and was happy when each one was eventually married.
While this book does a good job of teaching older generations how to "embrace your LGBTQ loved ones," I don't think it really addresses the second part of the subtitle: your faith. Scott and Becky Mackintosh clearly state that they are solid in their faith and would not leave it for anyone. However, many people in the Church, especially in the younger generation, have already embraced their LGBTQ friends and family, and are instead trying to decide whether they can still be a part of a Church that seems to limit the choices these people have in having creating marriage and family. As she said, we can trust that God will work things out, but I think there a lot of open questions about why things happen the way they do, and what the best path is for everyone.
While this book does a good job of teaching older generations how to "embrace your LGBTQ loved ones," I don't think it really addresses the second part of the subtitle: your faith. Scott and Becky Mackintosh clearly state that they are solid in their faith and would not leave it for anyone. However, many people in the Church, especially in the younger generation, have already embraced their LGBTQ friends and family, and are instead trying to decide whether they can still be a part of a Church that seems to limit the choices these people have in having creating marriage and family. As she said, we can trust that God will work things out, but I think there a lot of open questions about why things happen the way they do, and what the best path is for everyone.
September 18, 2019
Powerful, Christ-like love
I couldn't wait to read Becky's account of her love for her family and her love for the Lord. Her example has been inspirational to me, and many others. Her ability to draw the reader into her world, and allow us to experience her most intimate thoughts and feelings is truly a gift. This raw, beautiful account of learning to love as Christ loves is heartfelt and vulnerable. I have grown to love not only Becky, Scott and Sean even more, but also my Savior, and those who are suffering and may feel marginalized. Thank you so much for allowing your readers a glimpse into your lives.
I couldn't wait to read Becky's account of her love for her family and her love for the Lord. Her example has been inspirational to me, and many others. Her ability to draw the reader into her world, and allow us to experience her most intimate thoughts and feelings is truly a gift. This raw, beautiful account of learning to love as Christ loves is heartfelt and vulnerable. I have grown to love not only Becky, Scott and Sean even more, but also my Savior, and those who are suffering and may feel marginalized. Thank you so much for allowing your readers a glimpse into your lives.
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September 12, 2019Incredible!
I absolutely loved it. I couldn't put it down and read it all in one sitting. I cried many times and loved every second. You can feel so much love in this book!! I loved the different perspectives.
I absolutely loved it. I couldn't put it down and read it all in one sitting. I cried many times and loved every second. You can feel so much love in this book!! I loved the different perspectives.
July 3, 2024
Love Boldly was one of my Pride Month reads for 2024. After listening to an episode of the “Questions from the Closet” podcast which featured Becky Mackintosh, I knew I needed to read her book. I needed to read it because Becky and I had completely different experiences with our loved ones coming out to us. While I was relieved and excited when my son finally came out, Becky Mackintosh wasn’t. I appreciate her vulnerability in sharing with the world that she didn’t quite get it right in the beginning. Sometimes I take it for granted that not everyone does a happy dance when someone comes out to them. I’ve honestly never understood that, but thanks to the Mackintosh’s willingness to share, I will from this moment onward show more Christlike compassion for those that might be struggling with something that I found easy. The world could use more of that, and I’m determined to do better. This is a beautiful book… I’m so glad I read it. Becky, Scott, and Sean, thank you for sharing your story. Truly, you are changing the world… this rainbow momma is grateful to you❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
May 18, 2022
My heart breaks for those who struggle to come to terms with accepting, loving and embracing an LGBTQ+ family member. This memoir of a mother's experience loving her gay son helps bring understanding to communal experiences of families and other individuals who would like to show more love and leave misconceptions behind.
Read
October 15, 2024A book about a very important topic-loving our LGBTQ friends and family and clinging tightly to our faith in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The book is geared much more towards LDS parents of gay children, but I learned a few good things! It was refreshing how honest Becky was in admitting her prejudice and mistakes before and at the time that her son came out. I hope I can be as kind and loving as she seems to be.
August 2, 2020
Wow. I picked up this book and barely put it down before finishing the same day. The Mackintosh's share powerful insights and experiences that apply to so many circumstances beyond the circumstances they share here. In a world filled with so much hate, they show clearly how faith fuels love.
May 29, 2021
We have so many friends and teenagers that visit and hang out at our home, I want to love and accept all. This book was really insightful and just what I was looking for! I would recommend it, it was a great resource.
June 10, 2021
A quick read about one LDS family’s experience. I thought the editing could have been tighter, but it’s a valuable story to share.
April 4, 2024
This book was so well-done and would be an excellent first read for anyone navigating this type of dynamic in their own families.
November 29, 2024
A quick listen, filled with hope and healing for a family who was vulnerable about their mistakes and what they have learned.
April 1, 2020
Such a good perspective a parent of an LGBTQ son and how they responded to him with love. I love her perspective that even when you aren’t perfect, if you keep returning with love, you often can do more good than bad.
March 25, 2020
As someone who is gay and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, this one hits home for me. Becky, Scott and Xian share their story of learning by faith and grace how to love unconditionally. Their story is vulnerable, courageous, faith-filled and inspiring without discounting the very real and difficult journey that they have walked. Regardless of what your background may be, I think this book holds key lessons about love and faith. Highly recommended!
August 3, 2021
I just finished reading “Love Boldly” by Becky Mackintosh.
Quick Take: A great read for any parent whose children have taken a path other than what they had envisioned for them.
Longer Take:
I began reading books on the relationship between the church and those with same sex attraction because a member of my ward announced he was gay. After reading 4 books I figured I was done this educational journey. But for some reason I feel a compulsion to continue. So, here’s another.
Becky Mackintosh is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and a mother of 7. In “Love Boldly,” Becky tells the story of how her son Sean’s decision to be openly gay has affected her family.
“Love Boldly” is a short book (I read it over a weekend). It was an enjoyable read but is limited due to it just covering the experiences of this family. “Love Boldly” is quite different from the other books I have read on the same topic. The previous books were written by gay members trying to balance their membership in the church. Whereas, “Love Boldy” is written from the perspective of a mother trying to uphold the standards of the church while at the same time support her gay son.
My favorite thing about this book is how open Becky is with the mistakes they made as they tried to walk a unique path that was at times painful for everyone involved. She gives several examples of how their sometimes misguided attempts to educate, “fix”, and even love Sean, led to hurt and pain.
Here is a list of my favorite take-away’s from the Mackintosh’s journey:
For most gay members of the church, their first inclination is to hide their same-sex attraction. Objectively they know their family and friends love them, but they also feel certain that if they “knew the real me” there is no way they would continue to love them.
“I remember I was 13 years old when I first had the idea of killing myself. I felt so alone and isolated, I couldn’t even feel my family’s love, because I felt that if they knew the real me they wouldn’t love me anymore. I was sure nobody could love the real me, not even God could love the real me.” -Sean Mackintosh
It can be difficult to know how to separate loving and condoning. As church members, we have a duty to stand against those things we believe are against God’s plan. But God’s 2nd great commandment is to love our neighbour (Matt 22:37-40). This will always be tricky to balance.
“I will never never ever turn my back on my son. And I will never never ever leave my religious faith. Period.” -Becky Mackintosh
“Some people think that because we love our gay son we must have distanced ourselves from the church. Loving unconditionally doesn’t mean leaving the church because of what a child might be going through. Other people think we must not really love our son because if we did we would not still be in the church. Becky and I have found that living the gospel is the best thing we can do for Sean and our family. The core of the gospel is love. … For us turning our back on any family member would be in fact turning our back on the Savior.” -Scott Mackintosh
Loving parents can be quick to blame themselves when their children make mistakes. While there may be times your actions as a parent lead to choices you do not agree with, who they are attracted to has nothing to do with you.
“Some parents feel great shame upon hearing one of their children is gay, as if they are somehow at fault. It is nobody’s fault. It is part of the mortal experience that includes many stalwart saints.” -Becky Mackintosh
“Your love for your fellow man will not turn your children gay. It’s not contagious. It is not something you can make happen or keep from happening. It’s part of their journey in this life. Why? We don’t know why. It’s not our job to know why. It’s our job to love.” -Becky Mackintosh
When dealing with a new situation mistakes are going to be made. The best-intentioned comments can still hurt. It is important to be patient with yourself, but it is equally as important to be extremely intentional in the words you choose to speak.
“I spoke what I thought would be words of comfort and hope. Instead, I was unintentionally shooting dagger after dagger into my dear son's heart. … At some point, I finally realized the more I said the more Sean was sinking deep into the couch. His spirit was sinking too. My best intentions, those things … I thought would be so helpful were actually making him feel worse. Upon realizing my mistake, I dropped the preaching and had a real soul-to-soul conversation with him.” -Becky Mackintosh
Ensuring your children see your home as a safe place is one of the most important steps in being able to influence them positively.
“…we have to love and embrace our children and their boyfriends, otherwise they won’t want to be here or have anything to do with us. Their boyfriends won’t want to come here or ever want to learn about our church if the very people they see as churchgoers are some of the most judgemental and cruel. … if we want a relationship with our children we need to respect their agency.” -Becky Mackintosh
How being gay fits into God’s plan is something we do not currently have a complete answer to. For this issue, all we can do is trust that God has things under control and continue to love everyone.
“One thing I have come to know is that when we do not fully understand, if we like Peter will set aside our fears, our doubts, our limited understanding, and follow him in faith, things have a way of resolving themselves. An inspired insight, a revelation may shed light on an issue. I remind myself that the restoration is not an event but it continues to unfold.” -Becky Mackintosh
There is no “one size fits all” answer. The best thing we can do is to ask others what type of support they need.
“Resist any impulse to give counsel unless it’s being requested. Simply be willing to love and listen first. … You don’t need all or any answers to questions in order to be a support. Put the ball in your child's court and ask them how they need you to support them.” -Becky Mackintosh
Recognize and be thankful for the good things in your children's life. They may not be walking the path you want for them but take joy in all successes they achieve.
“As I sat there with one arm around my unwed pregnant daughter and my other around my gay son, gratitude filled my heart and the tears began to flow. Two of my children were with me at church and had come on their own accord. I had a wonderful husband. Seven grown children. Four of which were married and raising children of their own. And a son on a mission.” -Becky Mackintosh
We need to work hard to make everyone feel loved and accepted.
“When anyone’s shadow darkens the door of a chapel they ought to feel immediately embraced and loved and lifted and inspired.” -Carol F. McConkie
www.lookforthegood.me
Quick Take: A great read for any parent whose children have taken a path other than what they had envisioned for them.
Longer Take:
I began reading books on the relationship between the church and those with same sex attraction because a member of my ward announced he was gay. After reading 4 books I figured I was done this educational journey. But for some reason I feel a compulsion to continue. So, here’s another.
Becky Mackintosh is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and a mother of 7. In “Love Boldly,” Becky tells the story of how her son Sean’s decision to be openly gay has affected her family.
“Love Boldly” is a short book (I read it over a weekend). It was an enjoyable read but is limited due to it just covering the experiences of this family. “Love Boldly” is quite different from the other books I have read on the same topic. The previous books were written by gay members trying to balance their membership in the church. Whereas, “Love Boldy” is written from the perspective of a mother trying to uphold the standards of the church while at the same time support her gay son.
My favorite thing about this book is how open Becky is with the mistakes they made as they tried to walk a unique path that was at times painful for everyone involved. She gives several examples of how their sometimes misguided attempts to educate, “fix”, and even love Sean, led to hurt and pain.
Here is a list of my favorite take-away’s from the Mackintosh’s journey:
For most gay members of the church, their first inclination is to hide their same-sex attraction. Objectively they know their family and friends love them, but they also feel certain that if they “knew the real me” there is no way they would continue to love them.
“I remember I was 13 years old when I first had the idea of killing myself. I felt so alone and isolated, I couldn’t even feel my family’s love, because I felt that if they knew the real me they wouldn’t love me anymore. I was sure nobody could love the real me, not even God could love the real me.” -Sean Mackintosh
It can be difficult to know how to separate loving and condoning. As church members, we have a duty to stand against those things we believe are against God’s plan. But God’s 2nd great commandment is to love our neighbour (Matt 22:37-40). This will always be tricky to balance.
“I will never never ever turn my back on my son. And I will never never ever leave my religious faith. Period.” -Becky Mackintosh
“Some people think that because we love our gay son we must have distanced ourselves from the church. Loving unconditionally doesn’t mean leaving the church because of what a child might be going through. Other people think we must not really love our son because if we did we would not still be in the church. Becky and I have found that living the gospel is the best thing we can do for Sean and our family. The core of the gospel is love. … For us turning our back on any family member would be in fact turning our back on the Savior.” -Scott Mackintosh
Loving parents can be quick to blame themselves when their children make mistakes. While there may be times your actions as a parent lead to choices you do not agree with, who they are attracted to has nothing to do with you.
“Some parents feel great shame upon hearing one of their children is gay, as if they are somehow at fault. It is nobody’s fault. It is part of the mortal experience that includes many stalwart saints.” -Becky Mackintosh
“Your love for your fellow man will not turn your children gay. It’s not contagious. It is not something you can make happen or keep from happening. It’s part of their journey in this life. Why? We don’t know why. It’s not our job to know why. It’s our job to love.” -Becky Mackintosh
When dealing with a new situation mistakes are going to be made. The best-intentioned comments can still hurt. It is important to be patient with yourself, but it is equally as important to be extremely intentional in the words you choose to speak.
“I spoke what I thought would be words of comfort and hope. Instead, I was unintentionally shooting dagger after dagger into my dear son's heart. … At some point, I finally realized the more I said the more Sean was sinking deep into the couch. His spirit was sinking too. My best intentions, those things … I thought would be so helpful were actually making him feel worse. Upon realizing my mistake, I dropped the preaching and had a real soul-to-soul conversation with him.” -Becky Mackintosh
Ensuring your children see your home as a safe place is one of the most important steps in being able to influence them positively.
“…we have to love and embrace our children and their boyfriends, otherwise they won’t want to be here or have anything to do with us. Their boyfriends won’t want to come here or ever want to learn about our church if the very people they see as churchgoers are some of the most judgemental and cruel. … if we want a relationship with our children we need to respect their agency.” -Becky Mackintosh
How being gay fits into God’s plan is something we do not currently have a complete answer to. For this issue, all we can do is trust that God has things under control and continue to love everyone.
“One thing I have come to know is that when we do not fully understand, if we like Peter will set aside our fears, our doubts, our limited understanding, and follow him in faith, things have a way of resolving themselves. An inspired insight, a revelation may shed light on an issue. I remind myself that the restoration is not an event but it continues to unfold.” -Becky Mackintosh
There is no “one size fits all” answer. The best thing we can do is to ask others what type of support they need.
“Resist any impulse to give counsel unless it’s being requested. Simply be willing to love and listen first. … You don’t need all or any answers to questions in order to be a support. Put the ball in your child's court and ask them how they need you to support them.” -Becky Mackintosh
Recognize and be thankful for the good things in your children's life. They may not be walking the path you want for them but take joy in all successes they achieve.
“As I sat there with one arm around my unwed pregnant daughter and my other around my gay son, gratitude filled my heart and the tears began to flow. Two of my children were with me at church and had come on their own accord. I had a wonderful husband. Seven grown children. Four of which were married and raising children of their own. And a son on a mission.” -Becky Mackintosh
We need to work hard to make everyone feel loved and accepted.
“When anyone’s shadow darkens the door of a chapel they ought to feel immediately embraced and loved and lifted and inspired.” -Carol F. McConkie
www.lookforthegood.me
June 15, 2020
This book is honest and real. I love it. I also love that her advice can be the answer in many different situations.
April 24, 2022
A raw and personal account of a mother and her son. I really appreciated her sharing all of her reactions, both the good and bad. But it was really hard to listen as she described those early reactions to her son telling her he was gay. The first few chapters are a study in what NOT to do and were very painful. I'm glad that they have a better relationship and she works now to help other parents in the church help their children, but you can hear in some of her language that she's still sending mixed messages. Such as continuing to use the words "condone" and "love" together. Such language is definitely heard and can be dangerous to LGBTQ+ individuals.
July 20, 2020
I seriously think everyone needs to read this book. It's a quick, captivating read. I highlighted many insights and it greatly increased my knowledge and understanding about LGBTQ people. Also, it's pretty cool that Becky is my neighbor!
November 12, 2019
This book was very vulnerable and heartfelt. A family documents their journey of dealing with the dichotomy of gospel truths and same sex attraction.
March 17, 2024
Wow, this was an eye-opening book. I haven’t put much thought into same-sex attraction before, much less how I would respond if one of my children were to come out as gay. I found myself reacting surprisingly viscerally surprisingly frequently. The author (the devoted LDS mother of a man who came out as gay at the age of 24) mentions several times that she’s grateful her son sent her certain messages (such as when he initially came out) via text or FB (rather than in person) because that gave her time to process strong emotions by herself and think through how she wanted to respond. I view reading this book as having a similar benefit. By thinking about and discussing the Mackintoshes’ experience with my wife, we can start to develop a framework for how we want to respond if one of our own children were to come out as gay (or more generally if they were to do anything that isn’t aligned with the dreams we have for them).
This book taught me about the universal nature of, and importance of addressing, cognitive dissonance. Many LDS parents of LGBT children feel severe cognitive dissonance when their children come out. On the one hand, they love their children and want them to be happy. On the other hand, they want to do God’s will (which is notoriously hard to discern) and don’t want to be in a position of accommodation with the world. Put more simply, I think it comes down to balancing a desire for someone else’s eternal happiness with a desire to help them feel loved, seen, and heard where they are. This is only made worse by misunderstandings about homosexuality (e.g., Where does it come from? How does it fit into the plan of a perfect God who loves all His children?), which abound. Not shrinking in the face of cognitive dissonance, but facing it head-on, is the key to discovering “the simplicity on the other side of complexity.” I was ultimately impressed and inspired by the resolution with which the author faced their personal struggle with cognitive dissonance. The simplicity she found was in placing her son’s eternal happiness in the Savior’s boat, rather than her own. Her role was to love him unconditionally.
I’m looking forward to a perfect understanding of same-sex attraction, even if not until the next life. Until then, I’m grateful for the story and example of the Mackintoshes in loving unconditionally. I hope to emulate their example, and more importantly/perfectly the example of the Savior, which they themselves were trying to emulate.
This book taught me about the universal nature of, and importance of addressing, cognitive dissonance. Many LDS parents of LGBT children feel severe cognitive dissonance when their children come out. On the one hand, they love their children and want them to be happy. On the other hand, they want to do God’s will (which is notoriously hard to discern) and don’t want to be in a position of accommodation with the world. Put more simply, I think it comes down to balancing a desire for someone else’s eternal happiness with a desire to help them feel loved, seen, and heard where they are. This is only made worse by misunderstandings about homosexuality (e.g., Where does it come from? How does it fit into the plan of a perfect God who loves all His children?), which abound. Not shrinking in the face of cognitive dissonance, but facing it head-on, is the key to discovering “the simplicity on the other side of complexity.” I was ultimately impressed and inspired by the resolution with which the author faced their personal struggle with cognitive dissonance. The simplicity she found was in placing her son’s eternal happiness in the Savior’s boat, rather than her own. Her role was to love him unconditionally.
I’m looking forward to a perfect understanding of same-sex attraction, even if not until the next life. Until then, I’m grateful for the story and example of the Mackintoshes in loving unconditionally. I hope to emulate their example, and more importantly/perfectly the example of the Savior, which they themselves were trying to emulate.
December 28, 2020
This is the story of Mormon parents learning to love their gay son for who he is, to trust him to make his own decisions and coming to understand that supporting their son & the milestones in his life doesn't mean they "condone" or "approve" the choices, it's simply that they love him and support him in pursuing what makes him happy.
It's interesting for me, as a gay person, to read things from the perspective of parents and how they really don't get it at first. I know many go through a mourning process for the dreams they had for their child. They have to adjust and go through a process, all while their child is hyperfixed on their words and actions, looking for clues to determine if their parents still love them, or even if they can accept them.
I don't think the authors really go into how to make your faith/church work with your love for your child, but what they did write is their process of learning what it means to love unconditionally, to follow the promptings of the Spirit, to become the parents that their child needs. Those important lessons are needed by many and I hope parents of LGBTQ children read this book.
It's interesting for me, as a gay person, to read things from the perspective of parents and how they really don't get it at first. I know many go through a mourning process for the dreams they had for their child. They have to adjust and go through a process, all while their child is hyperfixed on their words and actions, looking for clues to determine if their parents still love them, or even if they can accept them.
I don't think the authors really go into how to make your faith/church work with your love for your child, but what they did write is their process of learning what it means to love unconditionally, to follow the promptings of the Spirit, to become the parents that their child needs. Those important lessons are needed by many and I hope parents of LGBTQ children read this book.
August 9, 2021
I almost feel like Becky and I are old friends. I've watched the video about their family on the mormonandgay website multiple times. I watched her and her husband speak at the NorthStar conference and I've listened to her and her husband and their son, Sean share their story on the Listen, Learn and Love podcast hosted by, Richard Ostler.
First and foremost this is a book about love. More specifically, it is a book about a mother's unconditional love for her child. Hers is a journey filled with faith and heartache. I am so grateful that Becky had the courage to share her story. There are too many parents in the Church who think that they need to choose between loving their child and staying true to their beliefs. I hope that this becomes a thing of the past. As more parents share their stories of loving their LBGTQ children and staying fully active in the Church they are setting a Christlike example for all of us to follow. Becky is a brave and beautiful woman, I admire her greatly.
First and foremost this is a book about love. More specifically, it is a book about a mother's unconditional love for her child. Hers is a journey filled with faith and heartache. I am so grateful that Becky had the courage to share her story. There are too many parents in the Church who think that they need to choose between loving their child and staying true to their beliefs. I hope that this becomes a thing of the past. As more parents share their stories of loving their LBGTQ children and staying fully active in the Church they are setting a Christlike example for all of us to follow. Becky is a brave and beautiful woman, I admire her greatly.
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February 5, 2021Becky Mackintosh Teaches All About Charity
Becky Mackintosh's book is about charity. It is about learning to love, unconditionally and she is teaching each of her readers how.
In Love Boldly, you will follow Becky and Scott as they turn to the Lord and follow Jesus Christ and all that He has to teach them, and us, about pure love.
In Chapter 8, Becky gives real, concrete advice that can be used while navigating most any discourse with a loved one, such as, "Ask questions like, “What has this been like for you?” “What’s the hardest part?” or “How can I best support you?”
Their compassion is felt in every word. By the end of the book, I was blubbering (in a good way).
Thank you, Becky, for having the courage to express your humility in front of the world, in this book.
I think every member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and every parent should read this.
No, I take that back, I think every HUMAN should read this book!
Becky Mackintosh's book is about charity. It is about learning to love, unconditionally and she is teaching each of her readers how.
In Love Boldly, you will follow Becky and Scott as they turn to the Lord and follow Jesus Christ and all that He has to teach them, and us, about pure love.
In Chapter 8, Becky gives real, concrete advice that can be used while navigating most any discourse with a loved one, such as, "Ask questions like, “What has this been like for you?” “What’s the hardest part?” or “How can I best support you?”
Their compassion is felt in every word. By the end of the book, I was blubbering (in a good way).
Thank you, Becky, for having the courage to express your humility in front of the world, in this book.
I think every member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and every parent should read this.
No, I take that back, I think every HUMAN should read this book!
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