Everybody seems to disappear on me / Can't trust no one as far, as I can see / If I could be that fly that's on the wall / Listening to my friends talk about it all (If I Had No Loot – Tony! Toni! Toné!).
Hey, isn’t it crazy how much reading you can get done when you sit down and do some reading? I guess that much is obvious, but this prospect did seem revelatory to me a moment ago when I basically shotgunned the entire last half of the book in one go, and now my stomach is sick. "While he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag. Now they're goin' to bed and my stomach is sick," you know how it is (word association is my specialty). Truthfully, I think I just wanted this book to be over and done with once and for all because for the longest time it felt like there was a force field around my Kindle that suddenly repelled me and the pile of comic books over there on my desk started to look a lot more enticing. Seriously, if you check my reading log, there's like five or six separate comic books that I finished in between starting and finishing this book! I mean, as much as I love reading comics, it's usually indicative of a larger issue of the "reading slump" variety whenever I start binging them in excess. Well, welcome to said larger issue: A Storm of Silver and Ash! A book so powerful that it sent me spiraling into a different medium of reading for several days. Or you know, maybe I just didn’t like it because it wasn't very good. And look, as fun as writing negative reviews can be (I spent the weekend reading reviews for The Weeknd’s vanity project that he calls a movie, Hurry Up Tomorrow), at the end of the day, I truly do hate hating the books I read. As healing as a good rant can be, it doesn't change the fact that I still wasted all this time reading a mid-book just because I was holding on to the idea that things would “get good” eventually. Suffice to say, this book never did, at any time… get good, and now I'm sitting here feeling disillusioned. Okay, that's a tad dramatic, but just know that every step of the way was a fight for my life. Hm, that's even more dramatic. Normally I try to do the whole “compliment sandwich” thing so I can at least attempt to be nice or maybe even find a few kind things to say about the work here and there, but this time around I’m afraid I'm coming up empty. So yeah, but let’s break it down, and I know I'm already off to a bad start, so from here on out I’ll at least try to organize my thoughts in a way that isn't just a jumbled mess. Hurray for organization! First of all, the only reason why I wanted to read A Storm of Silver and Ash in the first place was because I’ve been playing this game called Oblivion: Remastered and there’s major quest-line where you get to become a master thief and the story is surprisingly in-depth and fun, so I figured I should out and read every book that follows a similar plot line.
Damn, it's just my luck that the first book on this journey turned out to be such a dud, huh? Hey, “thieves” and “fantasy” go together like peanut butter and jelly, so it's not my fault that this book whiffed a softball toss! I know what you're thinking, "come on dude, it's probably not that bad, what could could have gone so wrong?" Well, convenient straw-man that helps me make my argument stronger, it turns out... plenty could go wrong, because the first sign of something being way off was how poorly thought out world-building strewn throughout the entire narrative was from the jump. Come on, the book’s version of a thieves guild is officially named… The Thieves Guild! Yikes, am I right? If that doesn't already prove that there wasn't a lot of thought put into the world, then I don't know what will. Yeah, I know it seems like a small thing, but these things add up and it immediately signaled to my brain that this wasn't the kind of book that I should take too seriously. Even more worrying was the fact that our guild would often come to blows with members of a rival guild of assassins aptly called… The Assassin’s Guild. Oh damn, so I guess the writing is lazy, lazy! And not to nitpick, but it's dumb that these guilds are named so bluntly considering you’d think it’d be in their best interest to keep a low profile. Their literal job is to operate within the shadows outside the law and they still named themselves like a walking advertisement for the city guards to come arrest their asses!? It’s just wild that two organizations that steal and kill people for a living exist full well within the king’s knowledge. I mean, even in The Elder Scrolls games, the Thieves Guild is seen largely as a myth and they called the assassin’s guild goes under a different name, The Dark Brotherhood. Which again, is mostly seen as a myth. I don’t think I’m being facetious in spelling out that fantasy stories usually have an in-universe justification for these things existing and operating the way they do... because that’s how you write a believable fantasy world. Apparently this book didn’t get the memo. If A Storm of Silver and Ash just went that extra step further, just put in one more thought into the world that these character inhabit, then I wouldn't have had to put all this whining in a review for it! Unfortunately, it’s readily apparent that much of how this book’s world holds up is solely dependent on the idea that we’re going into it already well aware of classic fantasy tropes. It shows, it really shows, because he narrative displayed such an egregious level of casual disinterest towards its own story that it added to my own growing dislike. Where’s the imagination, the wonder!?!? I’d like to know! No really, tell me where and I’ll go read that book instead. It reminds me of how frustrating it can be to criticize Marvel movies because whenever you get a little serious with it, fans will always fall back on the defense that they're "simple comic book movies bro, it's not that deep brah!" and I'm always like, maybe I want it to be that deep, bruh!
That defense only ever holds up if you don't give a shit, and I'm sorry, but I'd like to give a shit about the books I read! Speaking of not caring at all, I also didn’t like how everyone was named something like “Rain” or “Storm” or “Storm-Rain,” because following a main character named Storm made me feel like I somehow ended up picking up a Warrior Cats book by accident. It's hard to take seriously. Sure, Star Wars can get away with having characters named Chewbacca or Yoda or Jar Jar Binks, but let's not forget that the main character is still given a normal ass name like Luke! To be fair though, it seems like even the Star Wars people have lost the plot in that regard, because they've got a movie coming out titled The Manalorian and Grogu for some reason, and saying it out loud literally sounds like Leonardo Dicaprio when he was on quaaludes in The Wolf of Wall Street! Sorry, but not even sexy ass Pedro Pascal is going to get me to watch that movie, especially if it's by "grown-man-playing-with-toys" director, Dave Filoni! Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, poorly thought out names! It’s just that other than being mind numbingly dull, the Warrior Cats naming conventions also pounces a little too close to faux “Native American” styling where people sit around in a circle and talk about their “Spirit Animals” and spread the oratory wisdom of the “Ancient Natives” or whatever. Of course, simply going off of the fairly common fantasy badass names like “Rogue” or “Rain-fall” and making a whole thing of it isn’t really a criticism that holds up in court. Like, do I really think this book is being intentionally offensive? Nah... not with the names at least, but there were some aspects of the narrative later on that lends credence to the naming conventions being indicative of a recurring issue. It’s important for you to know that once the narrative shifted over to the Land of the Elves, I then started noticing little things. I'm already hyper-vigilant whenever fantasy races come into play within any narrative, so when a book I've already been dreading reading every time I picked it up wants to bring elves into the mix as a major plot point, I can't help but think to myself, "Alright, where is this going?" I guess this is kind of a spoiler, but I think A Storm of Silver and Ash tries for a poignant statement around colonization with the reveal that the elves in this fantasy world were actually on the continent the whole time, with the humans being the one spreading throughout their lands (sound familiar?), but because this information is given off-handedly in simple dialogue, it doesn’t give the moment any kind of narrative weight that would have otherwise given the book a much needed emotional core. This could have been the moment where Storm finally learns to give a shit about something other than herself, but nope, she just keeps on keeping on with the smart ass remarks and a blasé attitude.
“The thrill of the unknown was calling. I was so ready for another adventure.”
Again, this is just my interpretation, but equating the elves to real life Native Americans is already a bit iffy, but to do so in such a half-hazard way also had the unintended consequences of putting the way their race’s actions were written directly under a microscope and made me analyze their role in the story under a more critical eye than I otherwise normally would have given its genre. For example, when you use elves as a short-hand to make social commentary around oppression and displacement, but then turn around and also have them constantly spouting out generalized statements about their culture like, “All elves can use a bow and we all hunt for our food and live off the land and have a strong connection to nature," then I’m going to start seeing the book as not only bad in the sense that it’s generic and boring, but also in the that it’s in desperate need of both a deeper understanding of historical context and some cultural sensitivity training! Because damn, this shit had me raising my eyebrows at every turn of the page like I was permanently frozen on a poster for a DreamWorks animated movie. And look, I’m sure it's starting to sound like reaching here, but it's nice to get a good stretch every now and then. Moving past all that serious business, I just think that in the most general sense, A Storm of Silver and Ash didn’t really know what it wanted to be. An amoral thief making it big in the big city? A well-meaning thief with a strong moral code who's unwilling to take a life? If both these descriptions sound diametrically opposed... it's because THEY ARE! Yet they both could easily fit A Storm of Silver and Ash. It's kind of sad because try as I might, I was never able to connect with the first major section of the book because I couldn't get a handle on what the book was saying or where things were going. It felt aimless, directionless, and weirdly episodic in a way that gave the story a hectic, yet haltingly slow-moving pace. There’s a reason why stories involving thieves usually center around “The Big One.” You know, where the main character gets a simple job that turns into something not-so-simple and assembles the thief avengers so they can go on one last heist, or steal one last diamond, or break into one last impenetrable palace! SOMETHING, give me something!
But nothing in the first forty or fifty pages even implied that there was a plot, let alone that it was leading to something interesting. Which leads us to the Second Part™, where we then suddenly find ourselves in the Land of Elves, and I think you already know what my thoughts on this book’s depiction of elves are, but it gets worse anyway, as we're treated to Storm learning how to deal with classic pseudo high school type bullying similar to a Cruel Prince or Shadow and Bone. And I'm sorry, but is she not a master thief who could skewer dudes with her knives in a heart-beat? Why are we being forced to sit through a designated “YA” trope fest that only helps to take me way out of a story that I was barely interested in in the first place! I’m just saying, for a book where the world-building juggled between being half-baked and almost nonexistent, what little background information we did get was just a worse version of Six of Crows, only severely lacking in both style and heart in that regard. Badass Storm, who is constantly stated to be good at this thieving business, instead stumbles her way through one mess up to the next for the entire book. I mean, If you’d like to read a book about the worst thief in the business (don't worry about forgetting that fact, it's constantly highlighted by our main character's incompetence), then this is totally for you! You know how in Blade Runner, Harrison Ford's character constantly talks about how he’s the best when it comes to hunting down the replicants? Yeah well, if you actually watch the movie, you’ll notice that he spends most of the movie getting his ass handed to him, and while a lot of people chalk this up to inconsistent writing, I personally think that Rick Deckard only had a good reputation as a blade runner because up until then, he was only ordered to go after people who couldn’t fight back. Once the marginalized groups started rising up and fighting back, he couldn't get a grip on how to handle it. My interpretation of the movie’s main message is that it's all about forcing Rick Deckard to consider his own actions for once and realize that the people he's been so efficiently brutalizing for so long are actually people, not unfeeling robots. Yeah well, I don’t think a “crisis of faith,” learning moment type thing is the main takeaway for this book, because I really do think it just wants us to think that Storm is a super cool badass, even if her actions really only proved her to be Shein Inej.
Which is fine, I guess, but then we didn't even get any cool scenes where Storm proves she's anything other than a violent brute! Can you imagine how boring The Hunger Games would be if Katniss was just an unfeeling automaton moving from one scene to the next for the entire novel? Mowing down enemies like The Terminator and winning every challenge without ever showing emotion or interest? Wait, that's exactly what A Storm of Silver and Ash is! I guess my point is that this books world-building isn't interesting enough for me to dig deeper and the characterizations aren't flexible enough where I can even positively reinterpret character motivations in a more flattering light. This compliment sandwich is looking pretty busted, I can't lie! Really though, this story was worse off without a humanizing factor that would have otherwise made Storm feel like a real character that belongs in her fantasy world and not just a vehicle for Marvel-esque quips and one-liners. Tom Holland ass dialogue covering each page, going “Erm…. What’s going on guys! Oof what's even happening!” all over the place. I had the same issue with Daughter of the Pirate King, because similarly to Storm from this book, the main character is never allowed any vulnerabilities that would have made her feel involved in her own journey, you know, like how a story should be written. Sorry, but cool characters don’t make for interesting characters, and the main character not giving a shit about anything that’s happening in the story might be badass, but it’s also
boo~ooring
! If they don't care, then why should I? Okay, I'm done talking about this book, it wasn't good and I didn't like it, the end! Would you believe me if I told you that the plan was to make this review pretty short? I actually thought I wouldn't have enough to say, and yet when I started going off about the stuff that annoyed me I kept thinking of more and more things that stuck with me! Pile on, pile on! And now, here I am with this monstrosity of a review. Sorry, I'm always on some "and one more thing" type shit with these kinds of things and the truth is that I really was trying to keep it brief this time around. Here's the long and short of it though: with the racially coded fantasy cultures, inconsistent characterization for the main character, and even the poorly thought out fantasy world that felt drab and lifeless, I can give at least three reasons for why this book didn’t work for me, but the real reason that I keep coming back to is just that A Storm of Silver and Ash… wasn’t even fun to hate. It’s about as generic and lifeless as its name implies. So yeah, it sucks that this sucks, but I guess you just have to keep it moving. It’s cool, it’s shway.
Talking 'bout them times when I was by myself / I would always be looking for somebody else / But, as time went on, I had a talk with my mind / Friends like you and you I gotta leave behind.