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The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise
Reclaim Your Headspace and Find Your One True Voice
As a hospital chaplain, J.S. Park encountered hundreds of patients at the edge of life and death, listening as they urgently shared their stories, confessions, and final words. J.S. began to identify patterns in his patients’ lives—patterns he also saw in his own life. He began to see that the events and traumas we experience throughout life become deafening voices that remain within us, even when the events are far in the past. He was surprised to find that in hearing the voices of his patients, he began to identify his own voices and all the ways they could both harm and heal.
In The Voices We Carry, J.S. draws from his experiences as a hospital chaplain to present the Voices Model. This model explores the four internal voices of self-doubt, pride, people-pleasing, and judgment, and the four external voices of trauma, guilt, grief, and family dynamics. He also draws from his Asian-American upbringing to examine the challenges of identity and feeling “other.” J.S. outlines how to wrestle with our voices, and even befriend them, how to find our authentic voice in a world of mixed messages, and how to empower those who are voiceless.
Filled with evidence-based research, spiritual and psychological insights, and stories of patient encounters, The Voices We Carry is an inspiring memoir of unexpected growth, humor, and what matters most. For those wading through a world of clamor and noise, this is a guide to find your clear, steady voice.
As a hospital chaplain, J.S. Park encountered hundreds of patients at the edge of life and death, listening as they urgently shared their stories, confessions, and final words. J.S. began to identify patterns in his patients’ lives—patterns he also saw in his own life. He began to see that the events and traumas we experience throughout life become deafening voices that remain within us, even when the events are far in the past. He was surprised to find that in hearing the voices of his patients, he began to identify his own voices and all the ways they could both harm and heal.
In The Voices We Carry, J.S. draws from his experiences as a hospital chaplain to present the Voices Model. This model explores the four internal voices of self-doubt, pride, people-pleasing, and judgment, and the four external voices of trauma, guilt, grief, and family dynamics. He also draws from his Asian-American upbringing to examine the challenges of identity and feeling “other.” J.S. outlines how to wrestle with our voices, and even befriend them, how to find our authentic voice in a world of mixed messages, and how to empower those who are voiceless.
Filled with evidence-based research, spiritual and psychological insights, and stories of patient encounters, The Voices We Carry is an inspiring memoir of unexpected growth, humor, and what matters most. For those wading through a world of clamor and noise, this is a guide to find your clear, steady voice.
288 pages, Paperback
Published May 5, 2020
60 people are currently reading
763 people want to read
About the author
J.S. Park
11 books206 followersJ.S. Park is a hospital chaplain, former atheist/agnostic, sixth degree black belt, suicide survivor, Korean-American, and follows Christ.
J.S. currently serves at a 1000+ bed hospital, one of the top-ranked in the nation, and was also a chaplain for three years at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the homeless on the east coast.
J.S. has a B.A. in Psychology from the University of South Florida and a M.Div from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.
Some duties of a hospital chaplain include grief counseling, attending every death and Code Blue, help with end-of-life decision-making, notifying family members of loved ones in the ER, and advocating for patients and families in crisis.
J.S. is author of an upcoming book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve, part hospital chaplain experience and part memoir, published by W Publishing of HarperCollins Christian Publishing. He is also the author The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise, published by Northfield/Moody.
In 2012, J.S. gave away half his income to fight human trafficking.
It was a check for $10,000, which was matched to raise another 10k, for a total of $20,000 for charity. The charity was One Day's Wages.
J.S. currently serves at a 1000+ bed hospital, one of the top-ranked in the nation, and was also a chaplain for three years at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the homeless on the east coast.
J.S. has a B.A. in Psychology from the University of South Florida and a M.Div from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.
Some duties of a hospital chaplain include grief counseling, attending every death and Code Blue, help with end-of-life decision-making, notifying family members of loved ones in the ER, and advocating for patients and families in crisis.
J.S. is author of an upcoming book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve, part hospital chaplain experience and part memoir, published by W Publishing of HarperCollins Christian Publishing. He is also the author The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise, published by Northfield/Moody.
In 2012, J.S. gave away half his income to fight human trafficking.
It was a check for $10,000, which was matched to raise another 10k, for a total of $20,000 for charity. The charity was One Day's Wages.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
July 3, 2020
We like to think we are autonomous, charging a path forward propelled by some grand vision or desire. Or maybe we don’t think we’re grand—we stumble forward, wondering if there’s room on the path for us. The Voices We Carry speaks into the ambivalence and confusion of our interior noise. It brings clarity to our unexamined, crowded sense of self by naming the voices in the crowd of our stories who have both cursed us, protected us, and blessed us.
It’s rare that I find an author who is capable of wielding psychological insight into accessible, beautiful, and engaging prose, but J. S. Park’s work here thrilled me. This book is at once beautiful and heartbreaking, human and humorous, wise and worshipful.
I can’t wait for more books from Park. He has a unique voice, wisdom, and deft in bringing together the story of his heart and insights of broader theology and psychology to the hunger of our hearts to be heard.
It’s rare that I find an author who is capable of wielding psychological insight into accessible, beautiful, and engaging prose, but J. S. Park’s work here thrilled me. This book is at once beautiful and heartbreaking, human and humorous, wise and worshipful.
I can’t wait for more books from Park. He has a unique voice, wisdom, and deft in bringing together the story of his heart and insights of broader theology and psychology to the hunger of our hearts to be heard.
May 8, 2020
WOW! There are so many good things about “The Voices We Carry” I don’t know where to start. As a little orphan girl, unnamed, unwanted, left at the Salvation Army hospital on Valentine’s Day, I could hear my voice in the author’s voice throughout this wonderful book. One quote from the book that really helped me put my life in perspective was: “Here are three things that will set you free.
(1) Bury the ideal. You can say goodbye, a little at a time, to impossible demands and romanticized plans. It’s okay to feel hurt about that.
(2) Face failure head-on. Things won’t go the way you expect. There are no ideal outcomes. You can do good for a while, but the good can fall apart, too. It’s okay to feel bad about that.
(3) Celebrate in the hallway. Your idea of success will be different than you had dreamed, but that different version is worth enjoying. It’s okay to feel good about that.”
Finally, this quote really touched my heart, “God made you the way He made you because He wanted to say something through you that He can’t through anyone else.”
(1) Bury the ideal. You can say goodbye, a little at a time, to impossible demands and romanticized plans. It’s okay to feel hurt about that.
(2) Face failure head-on. Things won’t go the way you expect. There are no ideal outcomes. You can do good for a while, but the good can fall apart, too. It’s okay to feel bad about that.
(3) Celebrate in the hallway. Your idea of success will be different than you had dreamed, but that different version is worth enjoying. It’s okay to feel good about that.”
Finally, this quote really touched my heart, “God made you the way He made you because He wanted to say something through you that He can’t through anyone else.”
May 9, 2020
"We are called into the inalterable goodness of God...in God's voice is the paradoxical truth about us: that we are infinitesimal dust yet infinitely valuable."
If you're like me, you quarrel with innumerable amounts of voices every day. When detecting voices that feel like vociferous threats to our state of well-being, we either drown in them or discard their existence through other numbing and/or distraction techniques. At least that has been the case for me, as I often feel like my livelihood is contingent upon the power of these voices, always living at their mercy. I have often felt precariously powerless. Voices, both internal and external, can indeed be deleterious and debilitating. I have experienced this through my own experiences of trauma, grief, and loss. I’ve exhausted numerous emotional and spiritual resources I can get a hold of—therapy, spiritual direction, self-help books, and many more. But at the end of the day, I still drew the line between good and bad voices, truth and lies, and saw that I’m still swimming at the deep ends of lies, while attempting to get over to the other side. To me, these destructive voices have been nothing but enemies, an anathema to my being. So reading this book, I was prepared to conquer these onerous demons, lock them up and toss them away like waste.
But pastor Joon (the author) reframes these voices in a new light, illuminating their intricate functions and roles. He does so by interweaving the voices within his own story, vulnerably sharing his experiences from childhood, family dynamics, racism, grief, trauma, and ministerial work with his patients at the hospital.
His tone throughout is inviting, exploring different ideas, introducing them to us gently rather than a bombastic homily determined to 'tell us the way things need to be'. His voice doesn't speak over our own—it creates space for us to attune to our own voices, become more aware, and to explore them with him with curiosity and compassion.
His work is a conscious work of delicate balance, affirming the realness of our weaknesses as well as celebrating the beauty of our unique stories.
"We learned to hold up failure as an event, separate from ourselves, as a thing we go through and not a thing that we are. We are limited, flawed, funny little beings. We fail. It's unavoidable. And it hurts." These words are lacquered with grace, and gives us the tools of a similar paint brush to speak over our harsh inner critics.
"You might spend a lot of energy trying to be somebody great..when a few doors down can be just as good. There's dignity in the hallway...The ones I met who were content didn't speak about their lives in a metric quantity; it was more of a permeation of being. Like describing an aroma. A kind of humming song. And like many good songs, a lot is improvised."
I cannot help but acclaim the poetry and imagery pastor Joon visualizes, giving us something even more tangible to chew on, to gulp in. It pulls us into this cosmic magic that sprinkles something within us—that there is something magical here, both within us and around us. We are part of a universal symphony as a distinctively mellifluous note that harmonizes with other voices despite the seemingly cacophonous noise within our own.
Beyond the beauty of these ethereal images, however, pastor Joon also lays out practical tips for us that will guide our work—a dynamic, collaborative work, with the voices within and around us.
For example, I find myself struggling with the ‘Main Character’ syndrome pastor Joon talks about. To give a brief overview, I makeup stories in my head to assume the worst motives in others. I easily feel victimized, powerless, and distance myself from others. Any sense of ‘wrongness’ makes me shut down or (in the instances of people very close to me) I try to correct them. Pastor Joon describes this tendency in a way that made so much sense for me. Of how this motivation derives from a genuine desire to 'fix what is wrong'. (Very gracious and objective descriptor, if you ask me).
'Main Characters end up operating out of a sense of goodness as absolute...a weaponized morality...when our values become an absolute measure of worth.'
Okay, I'm going to sheepishly admit, that sounds a lot like me. I am an ethicist, just like my dad who was one. I grew up in a family where morality was absolute. You do x and you're good. Anything outside of x means you will be condemned. The stringent, non-negotiable metrics of goodness have been inscribed within my blood.
Pastor Joon hits it right on the nail that 'Main Character types are acting out of an internal drama, trying to save a tarnished version of themselves...that makes me more sad than angry, to recognize that we're hard on others as a reflection of how fractured we feel.'
This was both painful yet cathartic to hear. I have a pain within me that thwarts my ability to feel that I am whole—and in order to regain this sense of wholeness, I have been acting in a way that tries to correct the wholeness in others without giving them the space to change on their own (especially, in my marriage).
These words by pastor Joon, brought so much healing and insight into our marriage
"If you try to force change in someone with shame and dirty looks, they'll change for a while, but not for very long. Your demands might be good, but a demand is only an external apparatus that adds a fresh coat of paint and pile of scattered bricks. It never works on the inside. The people around you will comply, but they won't know why."
He also introduces the concept of sonder, the 'realization that everyone has a complex and vivid life of their own.' And how 'seeing someone fully through their eyes is like learning a second language or a musical instrument...it can be done if you pause a few seconds to imagine what it's like from their side. For true connection to happen, I would have to enter the room as a fellow traveler, not some pseudo-savior. For marriage...to operate without judgment, I'd have to enter with hands wide open.' I can also name this theological, epistemic, relational humility. Inverting perspectives, openness, non-judgmental disposition. But of course, pastor Joon’s description of it helps me understand that this is an ongoing practice—such as learning a language or a musical instrument. It doesn’t take place overnight. It’s not through conceptual learning that we enter the room as a fellow traveler. It takes an incredible amount of self-awareness and conscious decisions, daily determinations to be open to the stories, the process, the growth journey of others. We can think ‘be open’, instantaneously, if we put our minds to it. ‘I’ll be an open person from now on.’ But the truth is, the ways we have been wired throughout the years makes us be rigid to the patterns we were used to. And many of those patterns are closed, rigidly fixed. It takes ongoing work to be open to others, and pastor Joon gives many practical examples on how we can do that.
Not to give a full disclosure, I want to focus on the ways Pastor Joon displays the intricate ways our voices function as a way of coping with our trauma, loss, labels, failure, and rejection. He explains that these experiences have penetrated an idea within our brains 'you're no good'—and that the condemnation and exaltation of ourselves and others, have been counter-messages to regain solid footing to combat the idea of non-being.
We have lived with a scarcity of being, as if our worth and identity is contingent upon earning a sense of goodness through condemnation and exaltation (as some type of compensatory transaction). Approval, affirmation, acceptance from others through our works.
We have lived unconsciously within the narrative framework of a work-based salvation, or even a work-based ontology—that in order for us to have true identity, we must work for it.
It becomes significantly harder throughout traumatic experiences, to affirm the innate goodness and abundance of our being.
Pastor Joon calls this calculating work a 'Plus One' or 'Minus One' either flexing or shrinking inflating or deflating, because we do not realize our innate sense of goodness. How may we find solid ground where we are not over or under anyone, but can simply be good?
To excavate the root of our intrinsic goodness of being, Pastor Joon moves beyond this polarizing dichotomy of being—a narrative where we are only good, perfect beings without any room for growth and conviction (the contemporary ‘feel good’ messages that refuses to name any accountability of our faults) or where we are merely sinful beings, weak and evil without any beauty to be celebrated (the traditionally well-spread theology of original sin). He introduces a third way, one that integrates both of the paradoxes in its fullness, that we are both dust and planet, with the bad list and the good list.
He narrates this newfound logic, a novel formula that perhaps we are worth a planet because we are dust and ashes. And that we can handle being dust and ashes, because we are worth a world. That we are Plus One and Minus One simultaneously, with a type of audacity and modesty that 'creates a person who is full without being full of themselves'.
Pastor Joon illustrates this equation so well, not only in our love for self, but for our love for the neighbor in that 'if they're dust and planets, nobody gets demonized or deified. They get dignified.' In this juxtaposition, he uncovers a secret truth in our voices of condemning and exalting. If we condemn ourselves, there is probably something within us that needs conviction that can help us grow. If we condemn others, perhaps there is a desire to see the best in them. When we exalt others and work to please them, maybe serving them is part of our calling. And when we exalt ourselves, there is indeed something about us worth celebrating, our unique gifts.
This integrative work is crucial, he says, for a solid identity.
'Even our worst stuff was a story about something we needed...a glimpse of divine acceptance, that would help me accept the parts of me that I hadn't before.'
And perhaps this integrative work is possible through the gospel story, intersecting the cross with the gift of resurrection, an 'invitation into restored life for a heart as flawed and fatal as mind'. Our own humanity intersects with God, where God 'enters into the world and dwells among us', breathing life into the busted places. Pastor Joon preaches the gospel without the religious jargon, painting a personal God who is moving in our lives.
A God who 'moves into the labyrinth of my selfishness and trauma and tragedy and history, the things that are both my fault and not mine at all, and painfully but gently navigates the gross and slippery shadows of my insides. There He says, With you I am well pleased. That divine voice makes its home in me. A heart as flawed and fatal as mine is still loved and all right.'
This gospel, is radically antithetical to the gospel we live in, where our goodness and being is stripped away, and we ingratiatingly work for the approval of others. In this gospel, the work has already been done, the cost of love and grace has been paid. The transaction has already been complete, and we do not have to sell ourselves short. We do not have to purchase the approval of others. We can receive the grace and embrace that 'We are called good by the most good'.
I appreciate pastor Joon’s insights about the gospel and the ways it can inform and transform the voices that we carry. Often, the gospel is understood to be a recipe for learning more about God, following the decree of God, without quite understanding who we are and the way we operate. It seems as if God is cut off from the minute details of our daily lives, speaking directly into the voices that clamor our minds. The gospel I have previously heard emphasized my wretchedness and smallness, and that because I am sinful, Christ had to die for me. I’m not discrediting this truth of who I am and who Christ is. But something in there was missing. Or perhaps the emphasis was not quite on the God who created us and said we were ‘very, very good’. That voice, got lost in the mix somehow, in the gospel stories I have inhabited.
Pastor Joon’s book ushers our many intricate voices to inhabit the realm of that gospel. What does it look like for all our internal and external voices to be shaped, to be heard, and spoken to, in the realm of a gospel that calls us good, and that we’re ‘still loved and all right’? Ultimately for me, it has not only been about ‘what voices’ that frees or imprisons me, but which gospel I live in that can dramatically interact with the voices within and around me. Voices of condemnation and exaltation in this life, are indeed inevitable. There are times I am going to feel shitty. There are times I’m going to feel hatred towards some. There are times I’m going to feel like I’m better than others. And there are times I’m going to believe everyone else is better than me. But if I am living in the gospel where I am both dust and planet, where I am weak but also plentifully good, where Christ died for me but also rose again to live with me in eternity, no voice will have the power to define my identity once and for all.
I want to end my review with this line from the book: (I’m paraphrasing it)
“our voices are trying to save us, trying to make something right, trying to fight for our being, but if we listen to them carefully, they point towards the work that is already done. The true story of the world. In that story, the voices do not have to do the rescuing work, but redirect us to the voice that does save us. They remind us of both what we need and what we already have.”
Our voices are not all wrong or all right, all bad or all good. The lines can get blurry if we understand that they’re all trying to tell us something about the way things are. And even the most destructive ones, can teach us something, if we allow them to be a voice--nothing more, and nothing less. I often see myself oscillating between ‘my voice is most important’ or ‘my voice is least important (they do not matter).’ But if my voice does not have to do the rescuing work to reclaim my sense of goodness and identity, maybe the voices can be the artwork that I appreciate, the music that I hear, or the dance that I practice. If that’s the case, I don’t have to be afraid of my voice or the voice of others. Instead, I can participate in the sharing of one another’s voices, where our dialogical exchange belongs to a greater conversation of the universe uninterrupted, but ever-growing.
If you're like me, you quarrel with innumerable amounts of voices every day. When detecting voices that feel like vociferous threats to our state of well-being, we either drown in them or discard their existence through other numbing and/or distraction techniques. At least that has been the case for me, as I often feel like my livelihood is contingent upon the power of these voices, always living at their mercy. I have often felt precariously powerless. Voices, both internal and external, can indeed be deleterious and debilitating. I have experienced this through my own experiences of trauma, grief, and loss. I’ve exhausted numerous emotional and spiritual resources I can get a hold of—therapy, spiritual direction, self-help books, and many more. But at the end of the day, I still drew the line between good and bad voices, truth and lies, and saw that I’m still swimming at the deep ends of lies, while attempting to get over to the other side. To me, these destructive voices have been nothing but enemies, an anathema to my being. So reading this book, I was prepared to conquer these onerous demons, lock them up and toss them away like waste.
But pastor Joon (the author) reframes these voices in a new light, illuminating their intricate functions and roles. He does so by interweaving the voices within his own story, vulnerably sharing his experiences from childhood, family dynamics, racism, grief, trauma, and ministerial work with his patients at the hospital.
His tone throughout is inviting, exploring different ideas, introducing them to us gently rather than a bombastic homily determined to 'tell us the way things need to be'. His voice doesn't speak over our own—it creates space for us to attune to our own voices, become more aware, and to explore them with him with curiosity and compassion.
His work is a conscious work of delicate balance, affirming the realness of our weaknesses as well as celebrating the beauty of our unique stories.
"We learned to hold up failure as an event, separate from ourselves, as a thing we go through and not a thing that we are. We are limited, flawed, funny little beings. We fail. It's unavoidable. And it hurts." These words are lacquered with grace, and gives us the tools of a similar paint brush to speak over our harsh inner critics.
"You might spend a lot of energy trying to be somebody great..when a few doors down can be just as good. There's dignity in the hallway...The ones I met who were content didn't speak about their lives in a metric quantity; it was more of a permeation of being. Like describing an aroma. A kind of humming song. And like many good songs, a lot is improvised."
I cannot help but acclaim the poetry and imagery pastor Joon visualizes, giving us something even more tangible to chew on, to gulp in. It pulls us into this cosmic magic that sprinkles something within us—that there is something magical here, both within us and around us. We are part of a universal symphony as a distinctively mellifluous note that harmonizes with other voices despite the seemingly cacophonous noise within our own.
Beyond the beauty of these ethereal images, however, pastor Joon also lays out practical tips for us that will guide our work—a dynamic, collaborative work, with the voices within and around us.
For example, I find myself struggling with the ‘Main Character’ syndrome pastor Joon talks about. To give a brief overview, I makeup stories in my head to assume the worst motives in others. I easily feel victimized, powerless, and distance myself from others. Any sense of ‘wrongness’ makes me shut down or (in the instances of people very close to me) I try to correct them. Pastor Joon describes this tendency in a way that made so much sense for me. Of how this motivation derives from a genuine desire to 'fix what is wrong'. (Very gracious and objective descriptor, if you ask me).
'Main Characters end up operating out of a sense of goodness as absolute...a weaponized morality...when our values become an absolute measure of worth.'
Okay, I'm going to sheepishly admit, that sounds a lot like me. I am an ethicist, just like my dad who was one. I grew up in a family where morality was absolute. You do x and you're good. Anything outside of x means you will be condemned. The stringent, non-negotiable metrics of goodness have been inscribed within my blood.
Pastor Joon hits it right on the nail that 'Main Character types are acting out of an internal drama, trying to save a tarnished version of themselves...that makes me more sad than angry, to recognize that we're hard on others as a reflection of how fractured we feel.'
This was both painful yet cathartic to hear. I have a pain within me that thwarts my ability to feel that I am whole—and in order to regain this sense of wholeness, I have been acting in a way that tries to correct the wholeness in others without giving them the space to change on their own (especially, in my marriage).
These words by pastor Joon, brought so much healing and insight into our marriage
"If you try to force change in someone with shame and dirty looks, they'll change for a while, but not for very long. Your demands might be good, but a demand is only an external apparatus that adds a fresh coat of paint and pile of scattered bricks. It never works on the inside. The people around you will comply, but they won't know why."
He also introduces the concept of sonder, the 'realization that everyone has a complex and vivid life of their own.' And how 'seeing someone fully through their eyes is like learning a second language or a musical instrument...it can be done if you pause a few seconds to imagine what it's like from their side. For true connection to happen, I would have to enter the room as a fellow traveler, not some pseudo-savior. For marriage...to operate without judgment, I'd have to enter with hands wide open.' I can also name this theological, epistemic, relational humility. Inverting perspectives, openness, non-judgmental disposition. But of course, pastor Joon’s description of it helps me understand that this is an ongoing practice—such as learning a language or a musical instrument. It doesn’t take place overnight. It’s not through conceptual learning that we enter the room as a fellow traveler. It takes an incredible amount of self-awareness and conscious decisions, daily determinations to be open to the stories, the process, the growth journey of others. We can think ‘be open’, instantaneously, if we put our minds to it. ‘I’ll be an open person from now on.’ But the truth is, the ways we have been wired throughout the years makes us be rigid to the patterns we were used to. And many of those patterns are closed, rigidly fixed. It takes ongoing work to be open to others, and pastor Joon gives many practical examples on how we can do that.
Not to give a full disclosure, I want to focus on the ways Pastor Joon displays the intricate ways our voices function as a way of coping with our trauma, loss, labels, failure, and rejection. He explains that these experiences have penetrated an idea within our brains 'you're no good'—and that the condemnation and exaltation of ourselves and others, have been counter-messages to regain solid footing to combat the idea of non-being.
We have lived with a scarcity of being, as if our worth and identity is contingent upon earning a sense of goodness through condemnation and exaltation (as some type of compensatory transaction). Approval, affirmation, acceptance from others through our works.
We have lived unconsciously within the narrative framework of a work-based salvation, or even a work-based ontology—that in order for us to have true identity, we must work for it.
It becomes significantly harder throughout traumatic experiences, to affirm the innate goodness and abundance of our being.
Pastor Joon calls this calculating work a 'Plus One' or 'Minus One' either flexing or shrinking inflating or deflating, because we do not realize our innate sense of goodness. How may we find solid ground where we are not over or under anyone, but can simply be good?
To excavate the root of our intrinsic goodness of being, Pastor Joon moves beyond this polarizing dichotomy of being—a narrative where we are only good, perfect beings without any room for growth and conviction (the contemporary ‘feel good’ messages that refuses to name any accountability of our faults) or where we are merely sinful beings, weak and evil without any beauty to be celebrated (the traditionally well-spread theology of original sin). He introduces a third way, one that integrates both of the paradoxes in its fullness, that we are both dust and planet, with the bad list and the good list.
He narrates this newfound logic, a novel formula that perhaps we are worth a planet because we are dust and ashes. And that we can handle being dust and ashes, because we are worth a world. That we are Plus One and Minus One simultaneously, with a type of audacity and modesty that 'creates a person who is full without being full of themselves'.
Pastor Joon illustrates this equation so well, not only in our love for self, but for our love for the neighbor in that 'if they're dust and planets, nobody gets demonized or deified. They get dignified.' In this juxtaposition, he uncovers a secret truth in our voices of condemning and exalting. If we condemn ourselves, there is probably something within us that needs conviction that can help us grow. If we condemn others, perhaps there is a desire to see the best in them. When we exalt others and work to please them, maybe serving them is part of our calling. And when we exalt ourselves, there is indeed something about us worth celebrating, our unique gifts.
This integrative work is crucial, he says, for a solid identity.
'Even our worst stuff was a story about something we needed...a glimpse of divine acceptance, that would help me accept the parts of me that I hadn't before.'
And perhaps this integrative work is possible through the gospel story, intersecting the cross with the gift of resurrection, an 'invitation into restored life for a heart as flawed and fatal as mind'. Our own humanity intersects with God, where God 'enters into the world and dwells among us', breathing life into the busted places. Pastor Joon preaches the gospel without the religious jargon, painting a personal God who is moving in our lives.
A God who 'moves into the labyrinth of my selfishness and trauma and tragedy and history, the things that are both my fault and not mine at all, and painfully but gently navigates the gross and slippery shadows of my insides. There He says, With you I am well pleased. That divine voice makes its home in me. A heart as flawed and fatal as mine is still loved and all right.'
This gospel, is radically antithetical to the gospel we live in, where our goodness and being is stripped away, and we ingratiatingly work for the approval of others. In this gospel, the work has already been done, the cost of love and grace has been paid. The transaction has already been complete, and we do not have to sell ourselves short. We do not have to purchase the approval of others. We can receive the grace and embrace that 'We are called good by the most good'.
I appreciate pastor Joon’s insights about the gospel and the ways it can inform and transform the voices that we carry. Often, the gospel is understood to be a recipe for learning more about God, following the decree of God, without quite understanding who we are and the way we operate. It seems as if God is cut off from the minute details of our daily lives, speaking directly into the voices that clamor our minds. The gospel I have previously heard emphasized my wretchedness and smallness, and that because I am sinful, Christ had to die for me. I’m not discrediting this truth of who I am and who Christ is. But something in there was missing. Or perhaps the emphasis was not quite on the God who created us and said we were ‘very, very good’. That voice, got lost in the mix somehow, in the gospel stories I have inhabited.
Pastor Joon’s book ushers our many intricate voices to inhabit the realm of that gospel. What does it look like for all our internal and external voices to be shaped, to be heard, and spoken to, in the realm of a gospel that calls us good, and that we’re ‘still loved and all right’? Ultimately for me, it has not only been about ‘what voices’ that frees or imprisons me, but which gospel I live in that can dramatically interact with the voices within and around me. Voices of condemnation and exaltation in this life, are indeed inevitable. There are times I am going to feel shitty. There are times I’m going to feel hatred towards some. There are times I’m going to feel like I’m better than others. And there are times I’m going to believe everyone else is better than me. But if I am living in the gospel where I am both dust and planet, where I am weak but also plentifully good, where Christ died for me but also rose again to live with me in eternity, no voice will have the power to define my identity once and for all.
I want to end my review with this line from the book: (I’m paraphrasing it)
“our voices are trying to save us, trying to make something right, trying to fight for our being, but if we listen to them carefully, they point towards the work that is already done. The true story of the world. In that story, the voices do not have to do the rescuing work, but redirect us to the voice that does save us. They remind us of both what we need and what we already have.”
Our voices are not all wrong or all right, all bad or all good. The lines can get blurry if we understand that they’re all trying to tell us something about the way things are. And even the most destructive ones, can teach us something, if we allow them to be a voice--nothing more, and nothing less. I often see myself oscillating between ‘my voice is most important’ or ‘my voice is least important (they do not matter).’ But if my voice does not have to do the rescuing work to reclaim my sense of goodness and identity, maybe the voices can be the artwork that I appreciate, the music that I hear, or the dance that I practice. If that’s the case, I don’t have to be afraid of my voice or the voice of others. Instead, I can participate in the sharing of one another’s voices, where our dialogical exchange belongs to a greater conversation of the universe uninterrupted, but ever-growing.
May 9, 2020
It’s taken me years of study and experience in the fields of counseling and ministry to uncover many of the truths that this book articulates.
We are often told by parents or pastors WHAT our lives should look like (“Love your neighbor.”). This book is one of those rare tools that helps us understand WHY and HOW to work through challenging addictions, sins, negative relationship patterns that keep preventing us from “loving our neighbor.” It uses practical wisdom as well as Christian faith to show how God can transform lives through the power of prayer, self-reflection, sharing one another’s burdens, and insight.
This book uses powerful stories to show how our unique upbringing still affects us through the powerful beliefs (“voices”) we (often unknowingly) hold onto. These life-changing concepts about grief, loss, trauma, relationship patterns are explained in an easy-to-understand way: through the author's touching personal stories and encounters with hospital patients.
We are often told by parents or pastors WHAT our lives should look like (“Love your neighbor.”). This book is one of those rare tools that helps us understand WHY and HOW to work through challenging addictions, sins, negative relationship patterns that keep preventing us from “loving our neighbor.” It uses practical wisdom as well as Christian faith to show how God can transform lives through the power of prayer, self-reflection, sharing one another’s burdens, and insight.
This book uses powerful stories to show how our unique upbringing still affects us through the powerful beliefs (“voices”) we (often unknowingly) hold onto. These life-changing concepts about grief, loss, trauma, relationship patterns are explained in an easy-to-understand way: through the author's touching personal stories and encounters with hospital patients.
May 7, 2020
The past 2 years have been a confusing place for my faith and perspective on life. J.S Park's writing though, has been a constant, in the way each intentional word reaches deep into your heart, resonating with a yearning to grapple with the human experience of being alive. Using his FB page, instagram, and website, the Holy Spirit has moved to touch so many of our spirits. With this book, I am even more compelled by the penetrating self-reflection and raw intimacy of the anecdotes, to continue to face myself and empathize with me. You'll get wrenched back to your past; you'll be overwhelmed with the way the words burn against your breast - the way it feels like water is rising up against you, but somehow knowing you've got God cradling you; and, you'll be unable to look away from the light that truly does exist in every one of us. And then, at the end, all that would be left is to breathe and to be. This is one to read and mull, to challenge and question, and to integrate and empower. I am so grateful and overjoyed with hope that many readers will find their hearts speaking back to Him.
March 4, 2020
Many of us have heard about the differences between the head and the heart. The former popularly refers to the intellect while the latter describes the emotions. Using the head means we let our thinking and rationalizing decide our next steps. Using the heart means we allow our emotions to lead the way. Truth is, we need both head and heart for authenticity. Instead of separating the head and the heart into two entities, how about looking at it from the perspective of voices that speak to us, regardless of whether it is to the head or heart? This makes sense because the line between the intellect and the emotions is not easily distinguishable. What is more important is how we listen to the voices, both from outside and from the inside. Author JS Park writes this book with honest inquiry and personal experience about the many different types of voices that come at us, both voluntarily and involuntarily. In an age of social media, we are susceptible to all kinds of comments, both positive and negative. Even the most well-intentioned posts could trigger a whole spectrum of criticisms and trolls. One may claim to communicate facts but others would be quick to clothe all kinds of feelings and judgment on them. External voices create all kinds of inner ripples, some good, some bad. The best way forward is to discern the facts, determine what's helpful and what's not, and to find our own voices. Don't cave in to lies.
As a chaplain, author JS Park has heard of a lot of different voices from people of all walks of life. While he is able to be a source of comfort to help others with their emotional baggages, he often struggle when he brings back these baggages and allow them to weigh him down. Counselors, social workers, chaplains, and pastors are some of the people in the frontlines of these emotional baggage exposures. Such voices could come from all sorts of backgrounds. Past failures, family upbringing, bad experiences, broken relationships, are all contributors to the dizzying array of emotional struggles. Park carries with him scars of the past, both of his past patients as well as new ones. He says it well: "We find that while we carry voices, they carry us too." This is essentially where this book is going. With deep sensitivity, he identifies both internal and external voices and show us how they can be restored and made good. Some of the questions he deals with are: "What voices are controlling me? How much have I been swayed and deceived by them? Where do they come from and what’s their goal? How are they affecting others around me? What are these voices really saying? How do I manage them? Reject them? What does it look like to redeem them?"
The four internal voices to be aware of are:
1) Self-Exalting Voice:
2) Self-Condemning Voice
3) Others-Exalting Voice
4) Others-Condemning Voice
In order to listen well, one needs to differentiate between the voice of pride and the voice of truth. Recognizing the self-exalting voice is key to avoiding self-deception. Along with it are the cousins of the self-exalting voice, such as self-justification, self-righteousness, and self-glorification. He reminds us of the Johari window that comprises the four categories of what we know and don't know about ourselves, and what others know and don't know about us. Adding to that is a "fifth box" of what we know about ourselves, but refuse to acknowledge it. Park lists a few self-defense mechanisms that we need to beware of, such as rationalizing our excuses; projecting our faults on others; blame-shifting; defecting criticisms; manipulation; etc. Learn how best we can receive feedback. On the other end of the spectrum, the self-condemning voice is about paying too much attention to a small chink in our armour of pride. This often comes out due to our tendency toward perfectionism. The others-exalting voice may seem noble, but it could be symptoms of us becoming people-pleasers. It could also be a sense of insecurity in us to hide any codependency inclinations. Then there is the others-condemning voice that puts people down. This is where self-righteousness is on the rise leading to judgment, resentment, and control traits. Park illustrates this appropriately with a movie character metaphor, using self as the "Main Character." The biggest problem is probably how we choose to lie to ourselves. Park proposes a way forward by helping us "balance" all these voices. He identifies a key common goal, that wraps all of these inner voices toward the same thing: They are practiced in order to help us cope with something more serious.
The four external voices ("precipitations") are:
1) Guilt from what one has done
2) Family Dynamics based on Family of Origin
3) Trauma about what was done to self
4) Grief about what one has lost.
These external voices are things that happen to us. Park calls them "shapeshifters" that they can masquerade themselves in different forms. For self-understanding and self-awareness, these are not to be taken lightly because they impact us often in ways we may not be conscious of. Gradually, Park shows us how to find our voice. Knowing how we can be so easily deceived by lies, we need to break through all of these false messages and to make sure our desires do not hide truth. We need to then own our voices and not be easily discouraged. For we cannot deny what is true about ourselves. Having a voice that we can be bold and comfortable with leads us toward empathy, compassion, and presence.
My Thoughts
Park has spoken up not just for the chaplains at large but for many of those who struggle with self-doubt and false narratives about themselves. By breaking down the inner and external voices, he shows us the underlying forces of deception to warn us about buying their lies. He also points the way for us to be honest with ourselves and not to be afraid to be ourselves. We need to learn to sieve through the many conflicting voices that come at us from day to day. We cannot change what happens outside of us as these things are beyond our control. What we can manage is how we receive and respond to them. Thus, we need skills to learn how to go about doing that. This book gives us a good overview of what to do, in the hope that we can construct our own managing mechanisms.
Comparing the chapters on Inner Voices and External Voices, I think Park does a lot better in describing the various inner voices. He brings in different views and psychological findings to support his ideas. Above all, Park is an open book when it comes to dealing with these emotional struggles. He even shares about how he bombed his own sermon! The way to recovery is hard, sometimes long. He is introspective about the events that he had faced. Reading this book also gives us a glimpse on the life of chaplains in general and how we can pray for them. Like many of us in the frontlines of holistic healthcare, we are often on the giving and serving side. Who then helps us in our own struggles? Apart from fellow workers, it is hard to find others who could empathize. Thankfully, Park's book helps to encourage us not to give up on our call to be good listeners. If we could learn to take greater care of ourselves, we will then learn to be better servants of others. This is probably the biggest reason to get this book.
J.S. Park is a hospital chaplain, a chaplain for the homeless, former atheist/agnostic, sixth degree black belt, a recovered porn addict, intense introvert, suicide survivor, Korean-American, and loves Jesus.
Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.
conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Moody Publishers and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.
As a chaplain, author JS Park has heard of a lot of different voices from people of all walks of life. While he is able to be a source of comfort to help others with their emotional baggages, he often struggle when he brings back these baggages and allow them to weigh him down. Counselors, social workers, chaplains, and pastors are some of the people in the frontlines of these emotional baggage exposures. Such voices could come from all sorts of backgrounds. Past failures, family upbringing, bad experiences, broken relationships, are all contributors to the dizzying array of emotional struggles. Park carries with him scars of the past, both of his past patients as well as new ones. He says it well: "We find that while we carry voices, they carry us too." This is essentially where this book is going. With deep sensitivity, he identifies both internal and external voices and show us how they can be restored and made good. Some of the questions he deals with are: "What voices are controlling me? How much have I been swayed and deceived by them? Where do they come from and what’s their goal? How are they affecting others around me? What are these voices really saying? How do I manage them? Reject them? What does it look like to redeem them?"
The four internal voices to be aware of are:
1) Self-Exalting Voice:
2) Self-Condemning Voice
3) Others-Exalting Voice
4) Others-Condemning Voice
In order to listen well, one needs to differentiate between the voice of pride and the voice of truth. Recognizing the self-exalting voice is key to avoiding self-deception. Along with it are the cousins of the self-exalting voice, such as self-justification, self-righteousness, and self-glorification. He reminds us of the Johari window that comprises the four categories of what we know and don't know about ourselves, and what others know and don't know about us. Adding to that is a "fifth box" of what we know about ourselves, but refuse to acknowledge it. Park lists a few self-defense mechanisms that we need to beware of, such as rationalizing our excuses; projecting our faults on others; blame-shifting; defecting criticisms; manipulation; etc. Learn how best we can receive feedback. On the other end of the spectrum, the self-condemning voice is about paying too much attention to a small chink in our armour of pride. This often comes out due to our tendency toward perfectionism. The others-exalting voice may seem noble, but it could be symptoms of us becoming people-pleasers. It could also be a sense of insecurity in us to hide any codependency inclinations. Then there is the others-condemning voice that puts people down. This is where self-righteousness is on the rise leading to judgment, resentment, and control traits. Park illustrates this appropriately with a movie character metaphor, using self as the "Main Character." The biggest problem is probably how we choose to lie to ourselves. Park proposes a way forward by helping us "balance" all these voices. He identifies a key common goal, that wraps all of these inner voices toward the same thing: They are practiced in order to help us cope with something more serious.
The four external voices ("precipitations") are:
1) Guilt from what one has done
2) Family Dynamics based on Family of Origin
3) Trauma about what was done to self
4) Grief about what one has lost.
These external voices are things that happen to us. Park calls them "shapeshifters" that they can masquerade themselves in different forms. For self-understanding and self-awareness, these are not to be taken lightly because they impact us often in ways we may not be conscious of. Gradually, Park shows us how to find our voice. Knowing how we can be so easily deceived by lies, we need to break through all of these false messages and to make sure our desires do not hide truth. We need to then own our voices and not be easily discouraged. For we cannot deny what is true about ourselves. Having a voice that we can be bold and comfortable with leads us toward empathy, compassion, and presence.
My Thoughts
Park has spoken up not just for the chaplains at large but for many of those who struggle with self-doubt and false narratives about themselves. By breaking down the inner and external voices, he shows us the underlying forces of deception to warn us about buying their lies. He also points the way for us to be honest with ourselves and not to be afraid to be ourselves. We need to learn to sieve through the many conflicting voices that come at us from day to day. We cannot change what happens outside of us as these things are beyond our control. What we can manage is how we receive and respond to them. Thus, we need skills to learn how to go about doing that. This book gives us a good overview of what to do, in the hope that we can construct our own managing mechanisms.
Comparing the chapters on Inner Voices and External Voices, I think Park does a lot better in describing the various inner voices. He brings in different views and psychological findings to support his ideas. Above all, Park is an open book when it comes to dealing with these emotional struggles. He even shares about how he bombed his own sermon! The way to recovery is hard, sometimes long. He is introspective about the events that he had faced. Reading this book also gives us a glimpse on the life of chaplains in general and how we can pray for them. Like many of us in the frontlines of holistic healthcare, we are often on the giving and serving side. Who then helps us in our own struggles? Apart from fellow workers, it is hard to find others who could empathize. Thankfully, Park's book helps to encourage us not to give up on our call to be good listeners. If we could learn to take greater care of ourselves, we will then learn to be better servants of others. This is probably the biggest reason to get this book.
J.S. Park is a hospital chaplain, a chaplain for the homeless, former atheist/agnostic, sixth degree black belt, a recovered porn addict, intense introvert, suicide survivor, Korean-American, and loves Jesus.
Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.
conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Moody Publishers and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.
May 26, 2020
*Originally posted on Amazon.com*
I didn't plan on doing much promoting cuz that's not what I generally do, but I ended up naturally doing so as I read certain pages/sections and immediately thought of a conversation or struggle/theme shared by a friend and so would take a picture of the page(s) to send over w/ a short note. This happened on multiple occasions, and at one point, I had so many pics of pages that I had to resort to using the Google Photos' description field for each pic to remind myself which pics were for whom (some were for myself to come back to) so that I could more easily group them later. I've read other books and posts by JS Park, and as w/ the other pieces he's penned, he has a way of being so honest about himself in this one that it seems he taps into the underground river of emotions and thoughts running through most of humanity if only we're able to be honest enough w/ ourselves that they're there. What I especially appreciated about this book is the conviction he speaks w/ when he interweaves how the Gospel reflects the reality of humanity and of the different way of life offered. I also appreciated how his approach is about redeeming the voices we carry, internal and external, to discover the good and make them work for us.
Overall, a very relatable, quotable, poetic (though sometimes the poetry fell flat w/ me; other times, it was so perfect), insightful, and easy to track along book. My first read-through of the last of the 3 parts was hard for it to stick (maybe cuz that's the part I need most work on myself [finding my own voice]), but scanning through it again made me appreciate it more. I can see it being a book that I'll want to come back to.
I didn't plan on doing much promoting cuz that's not what I generally do, but I ended up naturally doing so as I read certain pages/sections and immediately thought of a conversation or struggle/theme shared by a friend and so would take a picture of the page(s) to send over w/ a short note. This happened on multiple occasions, and at one point, I had so many pics of pages that I had to resort to using the Google Photos' description field for each pic to remind myself which pics were for whom (some were for myself to come back to) so that I could more easily group them later. I've read other books and posts by JS Park, and as w/ the other pieces he's penned, he has a way of being so honest about himself in this one that it seems he taps into the underground river of emotions and thoughts running through most of humanity if only we're able to be honest enough w/ ourselves that they're there. What I especially appreciated about this book is the conviction he speaks w/ when he interweaves how the Gospel reflects the reality of humanity and of the different way of life offered. I also appreciated how his approach is about redeeming the voices we carry, internal and external, to discover the good and make them work for us.
Overall, a very relatable, quotable, poetic (though sometimes the poetry fell flat w/ me; other times, it was so perfect), insightful, and easy to track along book. My first read-through of the last of the 3 parts was hard for it to stick (maybe cuz that's the part I need most work on myself [finding my own voice]), but scanning through it again made me appreciate it more. I can see it being a book that I'll want to come back to.
May 4, 2020
“The voices we carry” is a good title because the book is about the voices we hear that influence our behavior. This could be the internal voices that sabotage us by telling us we’re not good enough, or they could be the voice that elevates us to the point we think we’re better than others and therefore we must do this thing because others won’t do it well enough or that we can disregard others’ criticism because they’re beneath us.
I used to see a psychologist and was regularly given assignments and I’d have trouble completing them because they lacked a good example of what I was being asked to do. What I really like about this book is the examples that J.S. Park gives which clearly illustrate the types of voices he is describing. They are based on real life experiences.
Not only are the types of voices described, but we’re taught how to lessen them, or harness them, so that we can be our better selves. Understanding where they come from, what causes them helps me more clearly see these voices for what they are (is it my dad’s voice, is this a lesson from a traumatic incident from my past).
It’s easy to be defensive when others are pointing out where you need to improve, it’s harder to be defensive when I’m reading the book and thinking, “Oh yes, I do that. Hmmm, that’s not good, what can I do about it?”
The author is a hospital chaplain, so the references to the Bible are included in the book. If you're non-Christian, this is something to be aware of, however, the principles are based on sound psychology.
I found this book easy to read & understand, the examples helpful, and the process of thinking about what voices are driving my behavior to be useful & insightful.
I used to see a psychologist and was regularly given assignments and I’d have trouble completing them because they lacked a good example of what I was being asked to do. What I really like about this book is the examples that J.S. Park gives which clearly illustrate the types of voices he is describing. They are based on real life experiences.
Not only are the types of voices described, but we’re taught how to lessen them, or harness them, so that we can be our better selves. Understanding where they come from, what causes them helps me more clearly see these voices for what they are (is it my dad’s voice, is this a lesson from a traumatic incident from my past).
It’s easy to be defensive when others are pointing out where you need to improve, it’s harder to be defensive when I’m reading the book and thinking, “Oh yes, I do that. Hmmm, that’s not good, what can I do about it?”
The author is a hospital chaplain, so the references to the Bible are included in the book. If you're non-Christian, this is something to be aware of, however, the principles are based on sound psychology.
I found this book easy to read & understand, the examples helpful, and the process of thinking about what voices are driving my behavior to be useful & insightful.
May 7, 2020
Those are two words J.S. Park uses early on in this book to describe the dissecting, challenging, and overcoming of our internal and external voices. I love how J.S. Park's books are easy to read, yet enlightening and perspective-giving. As an Asian-American who has a lot of the same experiences as J.S., I love how he empathizes with the minority group and quickly empowers them simultaneously. Furthermore, I love how introspective he is and before pointing a finger at another person, he is quick to dig into his own heart and mind. This book will be just that: a dive into our hearts and minds to understand who we are despite what some of our other voices tell us. You will not regret reading this book!
January 2, 2022
The reading of this book has been a fabulous rollercoaster of emotions. I wept. I laughed. I wept and laughed at the same time. It kept me reflecting. J.S Park's impressive writing style- full of amusing metaphors and amazing images- leads us through the winding path of finding our voice, our values, our missions, identifying internal and external voices and shaping them for our good.
By means of moving anecdotes and experiences J.S Park has gained as a hospital chaplain, this book provides us with tools to stay faithful to ourselves and to listen to others in a world full of noise.
Personally, this book has shown me the way to understand past situations, family dynamics, wounds and above all it's helping me confront issues to finally be restored. It takes time but I'm on my way to examining
myself. This will absolutely change my life quality and that of the ones who surround me.
By means of moving anecdotes and experiences J.S Park has gained as a hospital chaplain, this book provides us with tools to stay faithful to ourselves and to listen to others in a world full of noise.
Personally, this book has shown me the way to understand past situations, family dynamics, wounds and above all it's helping me confront issues to finally be restored. It takes time but I'm on my way to examining
myself. This will absolutely change my life quality and that of the ones who surround me.
May 4, 2020
The author tackles with both difficulty and ease a very complicated topic. In the beginning my mind was ready for a manual-type book that gives me clear answers..and about halfway through I realized this is not a book that does that. When that started to disappoint me, I realized it may be on purpose. And the more I read, the more I was glad it wasn't giving me "to-do's" sentence after sentence. If you keep looking for that, the pages will feel scattered, especially since a lot of the pages are stories of people he met as a chaplain. But when seen all together, the book was a great comfort to me - because I felt seen as I am, not as who I could or should be.
The author is cautious - sometimes overly, but then he's also very honest, sometimes painfully, and offers us the deep places he has explored. I cried and I laughed (Does he have pants on?) It reminds me that human condition, though so convoluted, has light when you co-live and share. That even at the brink of giving up, we always have something to offer each other. And that we all have more in common than we think.
I appreciate the different umbrellas of pain points the author explores: specifically family-matter. I also found helpful that it not only focuses on what happens inside, but also the external factors that play into our voices. This is definitely a book that can be easily misunderstood when you take one quote out of it. If I could summarize in one sentence what I feel the author has done, is that you can witness greatness from someone who is often unsure.
I started the book unsure, and at the end of it I was still unsure - but I learned a whole lot, and was comforted greatly.
The author is cautious - sometimes overly, but then he's also very honest, sometimes painfully, and offers us the deep places he has explored. I cried and I laughed (Does he have pants on?) It reminds me that human condition, though so convoluted, has light when you co-live and share. That even at the brink of giving up, we always have something to offer each other. And that we all have more in common than we think.
I appreciate the different umbrellas of pain points the author explores: specifically family-matter. I also found helpful that it not only focuses on what happens inside, but also the external factors that play into our voices. This is definitely a book that can be easily misunderstood when you take one quote out of it. If I could summarize in one sentence what I feel the author has done, is that you can witness greatness from someone who is often unsure.
I started the book unsure, and at the end of it I was still unsure - but I learned a whole lot, and was comforted greatly.
March 29, 2022
This book contains many valuable insights. “You know you’re in a good place when people can say, “I was wrong, I’m sorry, and I want to know how to do better, and others believe it.” You find yourself open to questioning yourself and listening to others more. You find yourself expanding.” “A narrative is not bad. Rules and rituals are not bad. We need them. But they need examination. They need accountability. A healthy community will allow questions, will disagree, will challenge their own practices, and will have the courage and compassion to speak up to their leaders. Healthy persons will also question themselves, disagree with themselves, examine their own ideas, and speak up to their own ways. With healthy places and people, there will be channels which allow a way to inspect their operations."
Excerpt From
The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One, True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise
J. S. Park
Excerpt From
The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One, True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise
J. S. Park
May 13, 2020
J S. Park is an authentic voice for self reflection, faith, and sorting out what matters and how to defend and prioritize it from the chaotic chatter and deafening noise of internal and external landscapes. I have admired his writing and have followed him on IG and FB for a few years now, and was pleased to be part of the launch group for this newest book. I am a therapist, and find his willingness to be so personally vulnerable and transparent the very best part of his writing. He does not claim to be perfect, but a humble work in progress -- and yet he writes with clarity and humor about the very real process of building a whole, healthy self in relation to family of origin, finding ones' place in an occupation (without feeling like an impostor) racism, and interpersonal challenges while learning to be the very best chaplain he can be. His stories of those he serves, adapted for confidentiality, are achingly thought provoking and display a deep compassion for what makes us human with a real need to be seen and heard. And he is right - it begins with doing it for ourselves. As an author who has himself felt invisible, this walk through his journey to finding and using his own voice is a primer for all who find themselves driven by the voices inside and outside that limit, punish, doubt, and disregard. It is a gem.
May 15, 2020
Unlike all most of the self-help books where it lists out things you need to try or change about yourself, this book has structure that is both practical and prosey. While the author takes you through his thought process and areas in which you can search your heart, he also allows room for breath of fresh air with his true and real experiences and stories in areas that we may never get to experience. This book is deep and heavy at times, but JS Park keeps it lighthearted and simple so that as a reader, you're not stuck in a storm in your head. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed the dynamic of this book and was written in a way that allowed me to dive right in despite a several day break in between. I plan on reading it again and you should too!!
May 16, 2020
Honest. Raw. Thought-provoking. Invigorating. A creative breath of fresh air-- a book that hit home and left me in tears. Whether we think we have it together or at times feel completely lost, J.S. Park provides us with humbling words that unite us all. With memorable quotes and powerful dialogues, there is a story for everyone here. This book digs deeper than "soul-searching" and gives you guided strength found in real everyday people to help you grow and evolve.
We’ve all been through it. Regardless of what individual path we are on, we’ve all at some point in our lives felt empty, stuck, or left with a weird “can’t-really-name-it” soggy sort of feeling. Pick up this book and re-discover yourself. In such trying times as these, this is the one to crack open, to sit with your favorite beverage, highlighter in hand, and be refreshed. Let it awaken you.
Thank you for "pass[ing] the microphone" and for giving me the courage to start anew. Thank you for rescuing my voice when fear and shame have constantly tried to drown it out.
We’ve all been through it. Regardless of what individual path we are on, we’ve all at some point in our lives felt empty, stuck, or left with a weird “can’t-really-name-it” soggy sort of feeling. Pick up this book and re-discover yourself. In such trying times as these, this is the one to crack open, to sit with your favorite beverage, highlighter in hand, and be refreshed. Let it awaken you.
Thank you for "pass[ing] the microphone" and for giving me the courage to start anew. Thank you for rescuing my voice when fear and shame have constantly tried to drown it out.
May 18, 2020
This book was so eye-opening for me. Especially the section on pages 79-80 titled, A WORD FOR YOU: Tell Somebody What you Look Like. My first reaction was What?! NO WAY! I'm not very good at being vulnerable. I've always been afraid to let others see the real me. But after reading how honest J.S. is in sharing his own personal journey, I'm a little less afraid. As I read the book, his vulnerability, kindness, and humor came through on every page. I felt like he was having a conversation with me, like an authentic, trustworthy friend. He has inspired me to begin the journey of admitting my weaknesses and saying "Here's what I really look like." I highly recommend The Voices We Carry. We all need to have someone encouraging us to find our true voice and you will definitely find that encouragement in this book.
May 24, 2020
In this book, The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise, J. S. Park leads us to examine all the voices that come at us. Some are internal—narratives we have told ourselves over and over, whether they are true or not. Others are external, from family and culture and society, which can also be wildly false but imbed themselves in us as truth. But how do we weed those out to discover our actual, true, genuine voice? J.S. Park is a hospital chaplain, a husband, a soon-to-be father, and an Asian American. He has heard all the stories—of the dying, of the grieving, of the traumatized. And he has stories of his own to tell. With a lot of grace and tenderness, he gives us tools for how we can filter out the voices that hurt us to find the one we were created to speak. I love J. S.’s honesty, humility, and the gentle way he guides his readers. I love the way that he makes room for everyone, because everyone is worthy. I love how empathy is at the core of his practice and his teaching—that every person has a story and that every person has been shaped by their stories. I also love his take on the gospel: “You are loved much to love much. You are spoken for, to speak.”
May 6, 2020
I first 'met' J.S. Park through his 'typewriter therapy' on Instagram. His simple, profound messages showed compassion and a deep understanding of the human condition. In 'The Voices We Carry', he challenges us to become aware of the voices that shape our lives and coaches us how to befriend them and grow from them rather than shrink from them. He is real and vulnerable as he shares about his own voices and his hope-filled honesty encourages the same in us. This book is a treasure, one I will refer to often and one that I know will be a great blessing to others.
May 25, 2020
I found JS Park through social media and was captivated by the way he wrote. In every post, there was so much kindness, love, and understanding for people that he had never met. When he announced he was writing a book, I knew I couldn't wait to read it.
This book reads like a loving conversation from that friend you've only just met, but have already clicked with. Park's writing is so open and honest, you can't help but take his words to heart and take a deeper look at yourself. Truly valuable.
I'm glad I own this book, because I have a feeling it'll be one I want to read again.
This book reads like a loving conversation from that friend you've only just met, but have already clicked with. Park's writing is so open and honest, you can't help but take his words to heart and take a deeper look at yourself. Truly valuable.
I'm glad I own this book, because I have a feeling it'll be one I want to read again.
May 9, 2020
Finished this book last night and I already know I’ll read it again. We have so many voices, (internal-external) that guide us to be who we are. Park helps uncover those voices and sort them out so the reader can navigate with clearer eyes. As a people pleasing ‘good girl’, the last three chapters gave me a lot to roll around in my head. What is my real voice? What do I really stand for? Like I said, I’ll be rereading this again soon.
May 9, 2020
I have followed JS Park on FB and IG for several years. I can’t even remember how I came across his page, but his thought provoking and empathetic way of expressing himself has helped me often have a different perspective. I went through a traumatic divorce and had a crisis of faith. JS Park has a way of bringing you back to what’s important. It isn’t the religious traditions we have, or the effort of trying to be a good Christian. It’s the relationship you maintain with yourself, with your family, with your friends, with strangers, and with God. If you’re true to God, and true to yourself, you’ll be true to everyone else, too.
As a hospital Chaplain, Park hears stories from many people when they’re at their lowest point. This book uses some of these stories to talk about the voices we hear that can influence our behavior. Park challenges us to become aware of the voices that shape our lives and he coaches us how to befriend them and grow from them rather than shrink from them. These life-changing concepts about grief, loss, trauma, and relationship patterns are explained in an easy-to-understand way: through the author's touching personal stories and encounters with hospital patients.
One of my favorite quotes: “God made you the way He made you because He wanted to say something through you that He can’t through anyone else.”
J.S. Park has a gift in the way he uses words. You will come out of this book with a new understanding of yourself and others.
As a hospital Chaplain, Park hears stories from many people when they’re at their lowest point. This book uses some of these stories to talk about the voices we hear that can influence our behavior. Park challenges us to become aware of the voices that shape our lives and he coaches us how to befriend them and grow from them rather than shrink from them. These life-changing concepts about grief, loss, trauma, and relationship patterns are explained in an easy-to-understand way: through the author's touching personal stories and encounters with hospital patients.
One of my favorite quotes: “God made you the way He made you because He wanted to say something through you that He can’t through anyone else.”
J.S. Park has a gift in the way he uses words. You will come out of this book with a new understanding of yourself and others.
May 8, 2020
I've greatly enjoyed reading this book by JS Park. It's humorous, relatable and honest. I love his vulnerability in sharing his story and his desire to share what he's learned for our benefit. This book encourages self reflection without being an "in your face, self help book." I'd definitely recommend it!
May 14, 2020
Very timely, thought provoking, and inspightful!
"We carry voices, but they can carry us too." Reading this book by J.S. Park has made me better aware of the influences-the voices- that drive me. J.S. writes in a very engaging and thought provoking style. It is almost as if he is sitting right alongside the reader sharing his experiences. I plan to reread this book with highlighter in hand. There is so much depth to be had within its pages.
"We carry voices, but they can carry us too." Reading this book by J.S. Park has made me better aware of the influences-the voices- that drive me. J.S. writes in a very engaging and thought provoking style. It is almost as if he is sitting right alongside the reader sharing his experiences. I plan to reread this book with highlighter in hand. There is so much depth to be had within its pages.
May 5, 2020
The Voices We Carry is for everyone, globally. I not only uncovered my own true voice ...again & again but, I loved the relationship dynamics throughout the book. I found myself laughing, crying, being challenged and going deep within myself to find my own voice. I highly recommend this book and I can say confidently that it’s my favorite book I’ve read all year!
February 11, 2020
I am someone who seriously doubts myself. In everything. All self help books seem to be the same but this one really resonated with me, which really surprised me since it was centered on Christian beliefs. It is not over burdening and I really connected to it and empathized with the author. I took away some really good tips and life suggestions to help with self esteem, other people’s opinions and the daily life struggles. I suggest that you read this book!!!
June 25, 2020
J.S. Park invites his readers into some incredibly vulnerable moments, guiding us through some deep pain and joy in his journey of finding his own voice. He has a gift of combining real, gritty life stories and advice in a way that made me feel safe to process my own story, and empowered to find my own voice. Park’s vulnerability is rare and stunning, inviting us to show up as our true selves, which allows others to do the same.
October 11, 2021
There's just so much in this book that can help us to see humanity kindly again. To help ourselves and to help others too.
September 16, 2024
This is a book by the author of As Long as You Need: Permission to Grieve. This was written prior to the excellent book on grieving. Like the latter, this book draws heavily on its author's experience as a hospital chaplain, addressing sometimes highly intense, painful, and lonely predicaments of patients. What's refreshing about the writing is the honesty about brokenness within humanity.
The early part of the book addresses many of the typical struggles people have when they are young adults, dealing with inner voices that tell them they're inadequate, and giving them a sense of imposter syndrome. In some respects, it's possible to posit that if a person has absolutely no self-doubt, there's something even more terribly wrong, because an overbearing sense of entitlement is not excactly a desirable personality trait. Psychologists who are experts on narcissism see the present day as a heyday for this personality style, which can be destructive to relationships. However, at extremes, these self-doubting inner dialgoues can cripple people's authentic engagement with life.
Parks highlights the importance of owning our stories of brokenness, and points to the gaping wounds that untold stories can become in people's lives. The powerful effects of proper, active listening are also addressed. Parks peppers his writing with biblical references to figures whose lives are blighted by the failure of those around them to listen, such as the prophet Jeremiah, left bereft of family and friends, and beaten up, due to his calling. The book includes some moving observations on the arrest of Jesus in the dark of night, and subsequent abandonment by his friends.
He also addresses the fact that everyone is uniquely gifted in some respect, but that the suppression of stories can blunt what humans are supposed to bring to the world, and situates this stifling of gifts as being, in many cases, rooted in family dynamics. There are some related reflections on what to do when you find yourself negotiating unhealthy work environments, describing how as a young man he went back and forth on this isssue: whether to idealistically try to remain in situ and shed light from within, or move on to a more healthy situation.
Though I got more out of the book on grieving, due to the increased relevance of that subject as one goes on in life, this book is also a fascinating and insightful read.
The early part of the book addresses many of the typical struggles people have when they are young adults, dealing with inner voices that tell them they're inadequate, and giving them a sense of imposter syndrome. In some respects, it's possible to posit that if a person has absolutely no self-doubt, there's something even more terribly wrong, because an overbearing sense of entitlement is not excactly a desirable personality trait. Psychologists who are experts on narcissism see the present day as a heyday for this personality style, which can be destructive to relationships. However, at extremes, these self-doubting inner dialgoues can cripple people's authentic engagement with life.
Parks highlights the importance of owning our stories of brokenness, and points to the gaping wounds that untold stories can become in people's lives. The powerful effects of proper, active listening are also addressed. Parks peppers his writing with biblical references to figures whose lives are blighted by the failure of those around them to listen, such as the prophet Jeremiah, left bereft of family and friends, and beaten up, due to his calling. The book includes some moving observations on the arrest of Jesus in the dark of night, and subsequent abandonment by his friends.
He also addresses the fact that everyone is uniquely gifted in some respect, but that the suppression of stories can blunt what humans are supposed to bring to the world, and situates this stifling of gifts as being, in many cases, rooted in family dynamics. There are some related reflections on what to do when you find yourself negotiating unhealthy work environments, describing how as a young man he went back and forth on this isssue: whether to idealistically try to remain in situ and shed light from within, or move on to a more healthy situation.
Though I got more out of the book on grieving, due to the increased relevance of that subject as one goes on in life, this book is also a fascinating and insightful read.
January 21, 2024
As a chaplain, I always appreciate the rare book find about chaplaincy! So wonderful to resonate with someone in a field where we often feel alone. I had been following this author for a while on Instagram, and finally read his book. It was a deep insight to his own formation and struggles, some that surprised me after knowing about him from Instagram and articles he has written. There were a few parts of the author's theology I didn't quite resonate with, but hey, that's also a chaplain's reality. I appreciated reading about his perspective as a Korean American. The gift and necessity of being a chaplain is being able to step into someone else's story without wanting to change it, fix it, and with compassion and empathy, not judgment. To honor someone's story and pain, even when seemingly far out of reality is something chaplains must be able to do. "Pass the microphone." "Not just entering, but empowering" was his description of empathy, which I appreciated. His emphasis on the voices we carry, focusing on eight different types, is a helpful insight to how we can heal, and what we may encounter and observe in people we love, or care for. I have found, as has the author, that sometimes our beliefs add to our burdens and do not help, and then, sometimes even flawed or shallow beliefs bring comfort to people. We as chaplains have to understand that people's precious beliefs, even when they are harmful, are deeply embedded, and require a careful assessment, even as they are and should be open to being interrogated. But that is our own responsibility, not the chaplain's (unless we are interrogating our own beliefs, which we should)! The author highlighted well that some beliefs need to be challenged, while holding empathy. With vulnerability and honesty, Park shares his gifts and insight in hope and transformation. This is also a great read for fledgling chaplains curious about what CPE is like- a transformative, revealing process, and what can help identify if chaplaincy is really the right fit for you. (But it needs to be a good, quality program, and not all of them out there are...)
October 2, 2023
From the description of this book I expected more patient stories and reflections of how they impacted him but mostly the book is about him with a lot of references and quotes from authors like a Brene Brown that he related to and grew from.
Not quite 1/2 way into the book he states "I suffered from this idea of Main Character Syndrome" and I chuckled to myself as I had just been thinking this entire book has been focused on his own internal recognition of who he was and the voices HE carries.
At that point I became bored and uninterested in his enlightenment making this a DNF for me.
Not quite 1/2 way into the book he states "I suffered from this idea of Main Character Syndrome" and I chuckled to myself as I had just been thinking this entire book has been focused on his own internal recognition of who he was and the voices HE carries.
At that point I became bored and uninterested in his enlightenment making this a DNF for me.
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