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The Dad Difference: The 4 Most Important Gifts You Can Give to Your Kids
What does it take to be a great dad?
The world is full of examples of men who weren’t there for their kids. But there are good and even great dads out there, who inspire their children and the men around them to reach for more. How do you become a dad like that—even if your own dad wasn’t such a good example?
In The Dad Difference, Bryan Loritts explores the four gifts every kid needs from their dad: relationship, integrity, teaching, and experiences. He walks you through what each of these mean and how to put them into practice. He also shares stories of fathers, including his own dad, who were examples of this to him. Full of biblical wisdom, simple truths, and practical advice, this book will empower you to become a dad who makes a difference in the lives of your children.
The world is full of examples of men who weren’t there for their kids. But there are good and even great dads out there, who inspire their children and the men around them to reach for more. How do you become a dad like that—even if your own dad wasn’t such a good example?
In The Dad Difference, Bryan Loritts explores the four gifts every kid needs from their dad: relationship, integrity, teaching, and experiences. He walks you through what each of these mean and how to put them into practice. He also shares stories of fathers, including his own dad, who were examples of this to him. Full of biblical wisdom, simple truths, and practical advice, this book will empower you to become a dad who makes a difference in the lives of your children.
176 pages, Paperback
Published June 2, 2020
34 people are currently reading
139 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
December 26, 2025
Now that we have announced our pregnancy, I can recommend this book with a clean conscience! This book lays a great foundation for what to give your children as a father. RITE gifts, an acronym for Relationship Integrity Teaching and Experiences are the gifts to give your child. Love Loritt’s writing style, and I love his personal anecdotes from time with his father. Check it out!
July 23, 2020
I have always enjoyed Loritts' writing style and approach to writing books. He writes in a sage-like manner and makes excellent use of stories and illustrations. The chapters are short. His main points memorable. As a father of 5, who grew up as a preacher's kid, and who is rising preachers kid’s, I felt like I got to have lunch with Bryan for three days straight and hear him pour out his heart about his Father (whom I’ve admired from afar). This also helped me reflect on my childhood and appreciate the lessons that I learned from my dad. The author also let us into his personally parenting journey, which I found challenging and helpful. While much of what he writes is especially relevant for those in the ministry, he also writes in such away that any father at any stage of life will benefit from it. I highly recommend this book and will buy it for other dads.
June 25, 2020
This read made me really excited to (God-willing) be a dad someday, and also sobered me up to the immensely challenging / important role that fathering really is. It also deepened my gratefulness for my own father, and stoked a lot of reflection on how the man I am today is in many ways a result of his parenting. Grateful for dad. Above all, this book reached me where I am today (not yet being a dad) in pushing me to be a man of integrity, after Jesus’ own heart. Grateful for Pastor Loritts’ wisdom, honesty, and humility throughout the course of ‘The Dad Difference’
June 12, 2020
Bryan hits his target perfectly. If you want succinct, practical input into the lofty role God has given to fathers, then pick up a copy. Bryan combines genuine experience, high quality story telling, and no-punch-pulled assertion in his charge to men in that all-important role of "dad."
January 4, 2025
An in depth and vulnerable look into fatherhood, essential for any father figure
July 26, 2024
3.5/5. This book felt like it was full of the exact same information that you could find reworded and reordered in the first 3 faith-based parenting books you pull of the shelf at Barnes & Noble, but I appreciate how it was easy enough to get through.
Summarizing the main point of each chapter for my own reference:
Intro/Tailwind Dads: You are coming under your kids' wings to support them, not to drag them along, or cause them strife.
Warrior Dad: Kids are arrows i.e. Psalm 127:4; good focus on the significance of that verse, how shooting arrows takes intentionality and vision, and once you fire the arrows they are out and gone (no extended adolescence)
Ch 1, Receipts from Dad: Kids won't remember what you say as much as how you say it and how much you are around; good fishing story about Henry Brooks and his father
2, Big Fred: Don't be gone too much from your kids, not worth, also let them deal with hard things on their own, bully & hat story
3, Grace at the Restaurant: Grace only exists because of the standard of the law, show grace to kids, Amex story, had him save all the money to pay it off but didn't take the money in the end
4, Epiphanies: don't be gone too much; have grace for kids because you will need grace when you inevitably disappoint them
5, Letters: write letters to your kids for big occasions (Parenting Without Regret says the same thing), like them going off to college. Also you can write to them consistently, doesn't just have to be big things
6, Wheaties: Have integrity by doing the unpleasant things and be the man your kids think you are
7, Apologies: Apologizing to kids when you mess up very important
8, The N-Word: When frustrating situations/people arise your kids are watching how you react to them, show Jesus in a slowed down response
9, Assumptions: Kids will assume you have complete integrity, but don't assume it for yourself; character has to be planned and fought for
10, Going for Bedrock: Jesus has to be your bedrock, that's how you have goof character, not by shooting for good character itself
11, Tenured Professor: Dads are professors of the family, teaching within the family is God's major plan way of changing a nation (not just politicians and preachers), consider teaching kids Bible at dinner time every night
12, Bedroom Homilies: Discipline/spanking; humiliation is not good for of discipline; do not discipline out of anger or when you are out of control to make the kid suffer; let them know amount of spanks beforehand so it's not out of random anger, point of discipline is correction not punishment, think about what you are trying to accomplish with discipline, I wish I cared more about sin hurting God than me
13, The Airplane: give kids good experiences and let them have bad ones, like eating too much ice cream; behaviors will be formed out of repeated experiences over and over again, practice makes permanent/10,000 hours rule
14, The Bat: disagree with the boyfriend interrogation and bat threatening (maybe the financial statements was okay idea), importance of respecting women like Boaz
15, The Dump: Don't let kids get too privileged, show them the hard normal poor parts of the world. Pregnant lady looking for food in dump, pretty brutal
16, Being Dad for Grown-Ups: If kids just aren't listening, be willing to give hard consequences to them like sending to behavioral school, you can do everything right and still have kids behave badly, look at God's children in the Bible
17, The Plate: Give kids confidence/grit/resiliency, son on bench with coach story, get vision with your kids, perhaps on a vision trip
Epilogue: remember the Gospel when fathering, we are sinned and loved at the same time, Jesus paid our sin so let Gospel sink into soul so we can have grace, remember to show kids their identity is not their performance, that will be damaging + lead to idols, I love them just because I do
Summarizing the main point of each chapter for my own reference:
Intro/Tailwind Dads: You are coming under your kids' wings to support them, not to drag them along, or cause them strife.
Warrior Dad: Kids are arrows i.e. Psalm 127:4; good focus on the significance of that verse, how shooting arrows takes intentionality and vision, and once you fire the arrows they are out and gone (no extended adolescence)
Ch 1, Receipts from Dad: Kids won't remember what you say as much as how you say it and how much you are around; good fishing story about Henry Brooks and his father
2, Big Fred: Don't be gone too much from your kids, not worth, also let them deal with hard things on their own, bully & hat story
3, Grace at the Restaurant: Grace only exists because of the standard of the law, show grace to kids, Amex story, had him save all the money to pay it off but didn't take the money in the end
4, Epiphanies: don't be gone too much; have grace for kids because you will need grace when you inevitably disappoint them
5, Letters: write letters to your kids for big occasions (Parenting Without Regret says the same thing), like them going off to college. Also you can write to them consistently, doesn't just have to be big things
6, Wheaties: Have integrity by doing the unpleasant things and be the man your kids think you are
7, Apologies: Apologizing to kids when you mess up very important
8, The N-Word: When frustrating situations/people arise your kids are watching how you react to them, show Jesus in a slowed down response
9, Assumptions: Kids will assume you have complete integrity, but don't assume it for yourself; character has to be planned and fought for
10, Going for Bedrock: Jesus has to be your bedrock, that's how you have goof character, not by shooting for good character itself
11, Tenured Professor: Dads are professors of the family, teaching within the family is God's major plan way of changing a nation (not just politicians and preachers), consider teaching kids Bible at dinner time every night
12, Bedroom Homilies: Discipline/spanking; humiliation is not good for of discipline; do not discipline out of anger or when you are out of control to make the kid suffer; let them know amount of spanks beforehand so it's not out of random anger, point of discipline is correction not punishment, think about what you are trying to accomplish with discipline, I wish I cared more about sin hurting God than me
13, The Airplane: give kids good experiences and let them have bad ones, like eating too much ice cream; behaviors will be formed out of repeated experiences over and over again, practice makes permanent/10,000 hours rule
14, The Bat: disagree with the boyfriend interrogation and bat threatening (maybe the financial statements was okay idea), importance of respecting women like Boaz
15, The Dump: Don't let kids get too privileged, show them the hard normal poor parts of the world. Pregnant lady looking for food in dump, pretty brutal
16, Being Dad for Grown-Ups: If kids just aren't listening, be willing to give hard consequences to them like sending to behavioral school, you can do everything right and still have kids behave badly, look at God's children in the Bible
17, The Plate: Give kids confidence/grit/resiliency, son on bench with coach story, get vision with your kids, perhaps on a vision trip
Epilogue: remember the Gospel when fathering, we are sinned and loved at the same time, Jesus paid our sin so let Gospel sink into soul so we can have grace, remember to show kids their identity is not their performance, that will be damaging + lead to idols, I love them just because I do
December 27, 2020
This book was a short but good discussion about four “gifts” dads can give to their children in order to be a positive and lasting influence in their lives. Mr. Loritts stresses the importance of a dad’s presence in the life of his children and calls fathers to a higher standard of example and intentional parenting. He states that all fathers make an impact on their kids’ lives whether they intend to or not, either positive (which he describes as being a “Tailwind” Dad) or negative (a “Headwind” Dad). In order to be a Tailwind Dad, Mr. Loritts points out four main areas to focus on:
1- Relationship- “The first gift a dad must give his children is relationships. We can not lead effectively those we are not connected to intimately. Healthy relationships demand presence, grace, and time.”
2- Integrity
3- Teaching
4- Experiences
There is nothing completely new here, but the book was well written and there were some very practical tools provided. Overall, this can be used as a good refresher/ encourager for most Christian father’s, or as a good primer for new dads or dads who are new to the faith.
1- Relationship- “The first gift a dad must give his children is relationships. We can not lead effectively those we are not connected to intimately. Healthy relationships demand presence, grace, and time.”
2- Integrity
3- Teaching
4- Experiences
There is nothing completely new here, but the book was well written and there were some very practical tools provided. Overall, this can be used as a good refresher/ encourager for most Christian father’s, or as a good primer for new dads or dads who are new to the faith.
December 25, 2024
I heard one person say “ fatherhood is the hardest hood”. After being a dad for several years, I can give this statement a resounding yes and amen. Fatherhood is far harder than any dissertation, distressed client, or disgruntled student. Oftentimes books or articles add to difficulty by telling us if you don’t do (insert intervention) your kids will end up being the subject of a Netflix documentary. Loritts does the contrary and reminds us we often take too much credit for how our kids turn out. He lightens the load and argues dads can give four gifts to their kids that have the potential help them be God-fearing, productive humans. He draws our eyes to scripture and example of his father. He shares stories about his father the left him with lessons he seeks to pass down to his kids. In addition, he shares about his imperfect journey in fatherhood and how there is grace for our mistakes. This book is short and accessible. It leaves fathers with practical steps to consider integrating in their parenting. It makes me want to be a better father for my kids and I pray the Lord gives me strength to do so. This book is a 5/5 in my book.
October 31, 2020
It might strike you as an oddity on why I choose this book to read. I'm not gonna be a dad, ever (I will be a mother maybe, someday). But this book really caught my interest.
Being a teacher, I can relate everyday problems of parents. Saw what the parents feed to their kids make it works or not. So I want a glimpse of what a dad should be, and hoping that this book will inspire me.
And I can tell you that this book is what I will suggest dads to read. You might not be the perfect dad, or experienced having one, but you can be the perfect one for your kids. This is a handbook of reminder on what we should do being a dad, to build a healthy family, and kids that can survive this hard world.
Being a teacher, I can relate everyday problems of parents. Saw what the parents feed to their kids make it works or not. So I want a glimpse of what a dad should be, and hoping that this book will inspire me.
And I can tell you that this book is what I will suggest dads to read. You might not be the perfect dad, or experienced having one, but you can be the perfect one for your kids. This is a handbook of reminder on what we should do being a dad, to build a healthy family, and kids that can survive this hard world.
June 26, 2020
Super easy read. Felt like a blog. Largely an assortment of wisdom on being a faithful dad.
Relationship, integrity, teaching, and experiences in the context of a gospel loving dad. That is the thrust of this book. He writes about these things through the narrative of his own father's parenting and his personal parenting struggles.
If you're looking for encouragement to father faithfully this is a good book. I'd recommend it.
Relationship, integrity, teaching, and experiences in the context of a gospel loving dad. That is the thrust of this book. He writes about these things through the narrative of his own father's parenting and his personal parenting struggles.
If you're looking for encouragement to father faithfully this is a good book. I'd recommend it.
February 11, 2021
I enjoyed this book about fatherhood. I appreciated the Christian focus and practical advice and memorable examples shared. The focus on: relationship, integrity, teaching and experiences strike a good balance in helping our children succeed for the long haul. I appreciate the reminder about grace and that fatherhood is often failure but to parent from your knees and allow for long-term growth through experiences. Worth the read!
June 19, 2020
More motivational than informational. Centers around fathers providing the four gifts every kid needs from their dad: relationship, integrity, teaching, and experiences.
Experiences include having to work for things rather than being so closely cared for and provided for that they never have to work.
Experiences include having to work for things rather than being so closely cared for and provided for that they never have to work.
October 8, 2020
Felt that this book gave some good practicals on seeking to be an involved dad. Also some examples from the authors past with his dad on how busy dad's can still connect with their kids. Heavy on relationship, lighter on rules. Gave a positive view of what dad's who choose to be involved with their kids can do to impact their futures.
April 17, 2022
I lost my dad at 11, and as a dad of two girls and a boy, I was looking for a book to challenge and encourage me on my journey, my kids are all under 5. Thanks for your encouragement Pastor Loritts.
September 22, 2020
Fantastic little book. Presence is key to being a successful father.
September 26, 2020
Easy read, some good nuggets of wisdom. Good book to gift to a new dad.
October 28, 2020
Great, practical book for dads on spiritual leadership
February 11, 2021
Very simple and straightforward, but well written.
September 15, 2021
Great read! I had fun with his stories and examples from hi father. It was informative and useful as a tool for those who want to think on these things
February 9, 2022
Full of wisdom in short narrative form. This will be one to keep on the shelf and come back to as fatherhood progresses.
April 1, 2022
I like Bryan Lorritts’ no nonsense, easy to understand writing style. Some great, simple reminders for dads in this book.
January 20, 2024
I love practical truth. This book is relatable and has been added to my arsenal.
July 8, 2020
This is really good. I love his stories, I agree with his points, and he paints a fantastic picture of how to be a great father and raise kids.
I really appreciated the idea of taking too much credit when something is good, and too much blame when something goes wrong. Children are sinful humans in a fallen world, and it is through God that they overcome the same struggles we all deal with.
This is a wonderful book. I don't always agree with everything he says, but it would be nice to have a world with more RITE (Relationships, Integrity, Teaching, Experiences) fathers.
I really appreciated the idea of taking too much credit when something is good, and too much blame when something goes wrong. Children are sinful humans in a fallen world, and it is through God that they overcome the same struggles we all deal with.
This is a wonderful book. I don't always agree with everything he says, but it would be nice to have a world with more RITE (Relationships, Integrity, Teaching, Experiences) fathers.
February 14, 2020
This book was incredible. I highly enjoyed reading this book and was delighted each time I picked it up. Great information throughout the book, engaging and interesting stories to tie to his points. The stories also carried over into multiple chapters, but it didn’t feel disconnected or that he needed to start the story over.
I highly recommend reading this to every father. I am so very glad I got the chance to read this book. I will be a better Dad because of this book!
I highly recommend reading this to every father. I am so very glad I got the chance to read this book. I will be a better Dad because of this book!
February 10, 2020
This isn't your typical book for dads (way more narrative and observational; less prescriptive and step-by-step), and I loved it for that.
Loritts identifies four gifts that dads should give to their kids (relationship, integrity, teaching, and experiences), and then he tells stories about receiving them from his dad, giving/attempting to give them to his sons, and why his reader should do the same. It's real, it's encouraging, it's inspiring, it's helpful.
(full disclosure: the literary agency I work for represents Bryan on this book)
Loritts identifies four gifts that dads should give to their kids (relationship, integrity, teaching, and experiences), and then he tells stories about receiving them from his dad, giving/attempting to give them to his sons, and why his reader should do the same. It's real, it's encouraging, it's inspiring, it's helpful.
(full disclosure: the literary agency I work for represents Bryan on this book)
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews