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400 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 23, 2020
"The site of the flea-bitten old yellow exiting stage left was a welcome site. I resisted every urge I could to riverdance."
"The Rabbit's Foot was the perfect blend of the aesthetic for the rich and pretentious to salivate over, as they yearned for the mason's equivalent of a mistress they could escape to and feel up the folds of its silken negligee like a fumbling guffawing mid-life virgin".
"One day this changed with a delicate flickering of the daintiest eyes a man could ever see. They belonged to a porcelain doll that would turn David Bowie into a quivering heap."
"He was equipped with an acerbic Hungarian accent that seemed to resemble a young Bela Lugosi's Impression of Count Dracula" (erroneous capitalisation of "Impression" preserved)
(Of a man bleeding from the throat) "I gazed down at this poor excuse for a Pez dispenser, pumping out a last trickle of claret instead of the expected chalk-laden candy."
(Of a woman's hair) "It shone like a clichéd shampoo ad, with a colour of amber gold that reminded me of the Erdinger Weisbeir, a taste that could swamp the taste buds and fog the mind."