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She Found It at the Movies: Women Writers on Sex, Desire and Cinema
Because Timothee Chalamet’s eyes gleam with the light of a thousand suns. Because you’d let Zoë Kravitz get away with putting gum in your hair. And because there really should be a national monument dedicated to Gene Kelly’s ass.
From the tongue-in-cheek to the righteously enraged, She Found it at the Movies explores women’s secret desires, teen crushes, and one-sided movie star love affairs, flipping the switch on a century of cinema’s male-gaze domination. With misogyny and sexism still taking centre stage in the real world—what can women’s relationships with movies tell us about the wider landscape of sexuality, politics and culture?
Featuring writers you know and love from Buzzfeed, The Guardian, and Vulture, these essays pose thoughtful questions about sex and fantasy at the cinema. Like a guilt-free chat with your smartest girlfriends, this book is a positive celebration of female sexuality at its thirstiest.
From the tongue-in-cheek to the righteously enraged, She Found it at the Movies explores women’s secret desires, teen crushes, and one-sided movie star love affairs, flipping the switch on a century of cinema’s male-gaze domination. With misogyny and sexism still taking centre stage in the real world—what can women’s relationships with movies tell us about the wider landscape of sexuality, politics and culture?
Featuring writers you know and love from Buzzfeed, The Guardian, and Vulture, these essays pose thoughtful questions about sex and fantasy at the cinema. Like a guilt-free chat with your smartest girlfriends, this book is a positive celebration of female sexuality at its thirstiest.
224 pages, Paperback
First published March 31, 2020
7 people are currently reading
1161 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
June 13, 2020
I was really looking forward to reading this but was ultimately left disappointed. Perhaps it's my fault for expecting more anaylsis on sex and desire in cinema, but the majority of the 20 essays in 'She Found It at the Movies' are more personal anecodate than analysis and they don't offer anything new for those who are already aware of Laura Mulvey. Unfortunately this meant that I found most of them boring. I didn't care about each essayist's life in as much depth as they went into. Of the 20 essays, I found that I liked 7 of them and the best section of the book--that did have better things to offer--was the last section subtitled 'The Female Gaze.'
Here are the essays I liked the most, * mark my favourites:
• I Didn't Want to be Lauren Bacall, I Wanted Her by Izzy Alcott*
• Death Cults and Matinee Idols by Pamela Hutchinson
• Dry by Willow Maclay
• Meg Ryan's Naked Ambitions by Simran Hans*
• I Pretended to Like Boys Because of High Shool Musical by Megan Christopher*
• Beautiful Boys by Catherine Bray
• Teenage Girls Know Something We Don't by Sheila O'Malley
Here are the essays I liked the most, * mark my favourites:
• I Didn't Want to be Lauren Bacall, I Wanted Her by Izzy Alcott*
• Death Cults and Matinee Idols by Pamela Hutchinson
• Dry by Willow Maclay
• Meg Ryan's Naked Ambitions by Simran Hans*
• I Pretended to Like Boys Because of High Shool Musical by Megan Christopher*
• Beautiful Boys by Catherine Bray
• Teenage Girls Know Something We Don't by Sheila O'Malley
October 7, 2025
Solid 3.5 read of essays! Nothing entirely revolutionary in terms of critique or theory, but adding an emotional component to these theoretical ideas made it very personal, entertaining and moving.
October 6, 2021
4.5 rounded up. I haven’t read enough film criticism to know if this offers something that hasn’t been there before, but there’s something I just personally really enjoy about seeing discussions of the way female desire and the way we experience it can connect so intrinsically to our memory of film.
October 6, 2021
This made me feel so good!
January 25, 2022
I was so disappointed by this book; I enjoyed reading this book. Leaving aside the fact that the cover has a TV on it when it’s a book about female desire and the movies (why a TV? Why not a cinema screen or a VCR? And it’s an old fashioned TV, so don’t come at me with “streaming is how we watch movies now”, anyway I digress) the essays are far less to do with cinema and desire and more to do with desire, prompted by the cinema.
I guess I was expecting more technical, analytical essays, stuff like: I find this character attractive - why? Is it because I’m told to by society and how does the film continue this? Is it how the character is written? Filmed? Is there a difference when films are written/produced/directed by women/queer people vs those films directed by old white men? Is it the actor themselves and the elements of their personality that they bring to the role? What happens when “desired” actors age, or play roles that are seen as unattractive or undesirable?
Maybe a handful of these essays covered these topics to some extent. Most were very personal responses to a moment of desire felt by watching a film. While these were interesting, they weren’t really what I expected and honestly didn’t seem particularly enmeshed with a love for film (again, with a couple of exceptions) or an analysis of why - why this character, why this film, why this moment? Just a summary of the scene or outfit or a projection of how they felt the character felt.
Once I got my head around the fact it really wasn’t what I thought it was going to be, I did enjoy it. There’s some heartfelt writing here; some lovely emotional revelations and epiphanies.
However, the essays were very repetitive in structure: “I feel different; I see something on film which feels right; I pursue this later in my life but won’t mention film much again; I achieve a level of acceptance of myself/happiness; thanks film!” This is only the fault of the editors or those who commissioned so many similar writers, but could have been avoided if a few more objective/academic/technical essays had been included with the mix.
The diversity of writers and their talents is to be applauded, the end product, not so much. With the exception of the last few essays in the book, the next time I want content on female desire and film, I’ll listen to Thirst Aid Kit (again).
I guess I was expecting more technical, analytical essays, stuff like: I find this character attractive - why? Is it because I’m told to by society and how does the film continue this? Is it how the character is written? Filmed? Is there a difference when films are written/produced/directed by women/queer people vs those films directed by old white men? Is it the actor themselves and the elements of their personality that they bring to the role? What happens when “desired” actors age, or play roles that are seen as unattractive or undesirable?
Maybe a handful of these essays covered these topics to some extent. Most were very personal responses to a moment of desire felt by watching a film. While these were interesting, they weren’t really what I expected and honestly didn’t seem particularly enmeshed with a love for film (again, with a couple of exceptions) or an analysis of why - why this character, why this film, why this moment? Just a summary of the scene or outfit or a projection of how they felt the character felt.
Once I got my head around the fact it really wasn’t what I thought it was going to be, I did enjoy it. There’s some heartfelt writing here; some lovely emotional revelations and epiphanies.
However, the essays were very repetitive in structure: “I feel different; I see something on film which feels right; I pursue this later in my life but won’t mention film much again; I achieve a level of acceptance of myself/happiness; thanks film!” This is only the fault of the editors or those who commissioned so many similar writers, but could have been avoided if a few more objective/academic/technical essays had been included with the mix.
The diversity of writers and their talents is to be applauded, the end product, not so much. With the exception of the last few essays in the book, the next time I want content on female desire and film, I’ll listen to Thirst Aid Kit (again).
December 6, 2020
I was really looking forward to this one but it just didn’t really meet my hopes. I wanted analysis I wanted women and movies and where and how we fit into and have shaped that world but it was all a little too personal, a little too underdeveloped and not exactly what I’d been preparing myself for. A nice little book all the same but I doubt I’ll ever come back to it.
July 17, 2023
it does explain the teen crush
and film
---
finding out this book exists
has actually got me looking up someone's paper on teenage romantic relationships in film
pursuit
the men choose their destiny
they get the things they want
the boy seeks the female and must win
yet they know what is best for themselves
and even what is best for the women in their life
there isn't much uncertainty with choosing the female though
the men penetrate the outer woman and see the inner woman
seeing the inner woman, it is their true nature, and that is what is loved
expectations that extremely few men can meet, is tackled by the teenager
the plots have pressure on the men to live up to unrealistic standards
which they fail
the women watching the film
will feel let down by the real men in their lives
because few can meet the standards of the males in the script
the woman must wait
and they must find themselves
and because of the women being let down by men in real life
they see in the film, a message that they should wait for the right man to come along
see what they really are, and pursue them regardless of the situation
the men control the power dynamic
yet the men in real life seeing these films will feel a pressure of not matching up to the characters in the film
so the people in the film are in control
and the have the emotional tools to deal with challenges and situations
but the male audience
won't feel in control of their challenges with challenges and women
the man searches out most of the relationships
not the women
the women can't better themselves
and the men will conquer or tame the women
it's odd that the women in film can't better themselves because they are stylish tall and thin
and the women feel powerless too, to these female ideals on the screen
and you get the strange theme of
men persue the girl, totally certain they are meant to be together
but it is a core romantic theme
of pursuit
and destiny
stranger is women do nothing
and love finds them
and women who do pursue men
usually fail
but the man who pursues, still loves a gal, despite her lousy decisions
often the big theme in teen romance films
is that the only successful relationships happen, when the men are in control
---
and then we got the rescue theme
someone needs to be saved financially
someone needs to be saved physically
someone needs to be saved emotionally
and sometimes it is the cinderella theme, where the female is rescued
and there are mutual rescues
also
the women gives direction or advice to the man
and then he takes charge
or the women have to reform the boy
---
there's a lot of men rescuing women
and a lot of women rescuing men
---
and the male uncage the trapped women
and show them their atlents
and help the girls get their dreams come true
---
the man knows how to make it work - with love
the woman knows how to - change the man
romance never fails for the boy
reforming men is easy for the girl
---
the women go from shyness
to confidence
helpless without the guy
and it's almost icky that there is the assumption that the tough uy
will actually change for the better
the women see that the right girl
CAN
change the ways of flawed men
and the film shows desirable women
so these bad boys change their ways
If the men does not change for you
maybe
YOU WERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH
and film
---
finding out this book exists
has actually got me looking up someone's paper on teenage romantic relationships in film
pursuit
the men choose their destiny
they get the things they want
the boy seeks the female and must win
yet they know what is best for themselves
and even what is best for the women in their life
there isn't much uncertainty with choosing the female though
the men penetrate the outer woman and see the inner woman
seeing the inner woman, it is their true nature, and that is what is loved
expectations that extremely few men can meet, is tackled by the teenager
the plots have pressure on the men to live up to unrealistic standards
which they fail
the women watching the film
will feel let down by the real men in their lives
because few can meet the standards of the males in the script
the woman must wait
and they must find themselves
and because of the women being let down by men in real life
they see in the film, a message that they should wait for the right man to come along
see what they really are, and pursue them regardless of the situation
the men control the power dynamic
yet the men in real life seeing these films will feel a pressure of not matching up to the characters in the film
so the people in the film are in control
and the have the emotional tools to deal with challenges and situations
but the male audience
won't feel in control of their challenges with challenges and women
the man searches out most of the relationships
not the women
the women can't better themselves
and the men will conquer or tame the women
it's odd that the women in film can't better themselves because they are stylish tall and thin
and the women feel powerless too, to these female ideals on the screen
and you get the strange theme of
men persue the girl, totally certain they are meant to be together
but it is a core romantic theme
of pursuit
and destiny
stranger is women do nothing
and love finds them
and women who do pursue men
usually fail
but the man who pursues, still loves a gal, despite her lousy decisions
often the big theme in teen romance films
is that the only successful relationships happen, when the men are in control
---
and then we got the rescue theme
someone needs to be saved financially
someone needs to be saved physically
someone needs to be saved emotionally
and sometimes it is the cinderella theme, where the female is rescued
and there are mutual rescues
also
the women gives direction or advice to the man
and then he takes charge
or the women have to reform the boy
---
there's a lot of men rescuing women
and a lot of women rescuing men
---
and the male uncage the trapped women
and show them their atlents
and help the girls get their dreams come true
---
the man knows how to make it work - with love
the woman knows how to - change the man
romance never fails for the boy
reforming men is easy for the girl
---
the women go from shyness
to confidence
helpless without the guy
and it's almost icky that there is the assumption that the tough uy
will actually change for the better
the women see that the right girl
CAN
change the ways of flawed men
and the film shows desirable women
so these bad boys change their ways
If the men does not change for you
maybe
YOU WERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH
April 28, 2020
I really enjoyed this collection of essays which helped me re-start to read during this concentration sapping time of lockdown. It had me with the opening essay with a Butch Femme reading of Grease, that's also a love letter about Rizzo everyone's favourite character. Swiftly followed by one on Set it off and the importance of different African American experience and Queen Latifah!
Broken down into three sections this book houses a wonderfully stimulating collection of essays about sex, desire and cinema; on Dancing boys, the importance of role models for LGBT communities and how the misogynist reaction to In the cut destroyed not only Meg Ryan's image but also her career. An important and entertaining collection
Broken down into three sections this book houses a wonderfully stimulating collection of essays about sex, desire and cinema; on Dancing boys, the importance of role models for LGBT communities and how the misogynist reaction to In the cut destroyed not only Meg Ryan's image but also her career. An important and entertaining collection
June 9, 2020
I was really looking forward to reading this collection of film essays by women and women-identified folks, but honestly, I was a little disappointed. For any middling feminist film scholar who's kept an eye on things since reading Laura Mulvey in college circa 2002, nothing here is very new or insightful (perhaps because films that honestly assess female and queer desire are still so few). I did enjoy one intersexed writer's analysis of Under the Skin, which was trenchant, and I actually want to give Into the Cut a chance now after another essay defended it from the "WTF is Meg Ryan trying to be sexy for?!" criticism it earned when it came out. But overall, it was...meh, but with its heart in the right place.
April 6, 2025
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Locked IN! -- Reviewing the Books I Read In March || 19 books!
3.75 stars rounded up~
I liked this overall for a starting point, but I really wanted more from majority of these essays, deeper discussion, more examples, more inclusion. Overall it was an interesting read that got me thinking, but I also had a mixed bag when it came to the essays, so my average rating in the end rounded up to a 4 stars.
Locked IN! -- Reviewing the Books I Read In March || 19 books!
3.75 stars rounded up~
I liked this overall for a starting point, but I really wanted more from majority of these essays, deeper discussion, more examples, more inclusion. Overall it was an interesting read that got me thinking, but I also had a mixed bag when it came to the essays, so my average rating in the end rounded up to a 4 stars.
June 22, 2020
This was a really interesting collection of essays if you’re interested in film and/or female sexuality. A lot of the essays were more personal than they were explorations of female desire in film, so there were a couple of essays which I wasn’t completely drawn in by. I loved the one about Meg Ryan in In The Cut, about Rizzo from Grease, and the opening essay by the editor, Christina Newland. It was fun to read about different writers’ experiences, both with the films mentioned and with their own sexual awakenings; but as other people have mentioned, if you already have a good understanding of Laura Mulvey, this collection won’t teach you anything new about film theory.
August 16, 2020
The essays by Christina Newland and Simran Hans are superb, and I would very much like to read whole books from either on Feminist Film Theory. The rest provokes fair intrigue rather than anything dialectically compelling.
November 21, 2020
HMMMMMMMM FEMALE DESIRE....... LOTS TO THINK ABOUT!!!! MANY THOUGHTS!!!
Read
April 20, 2021I'll be re-reading this one at some point in the next 18 months, for sure.
January 2, 2022
women writers on sex, desire, and cinema
September 22, 2021
Last two articles were very insightful, but otherwise not too interested in the personal essays documenting the sexual journeys of women as they started to get really repetitive and not saying much.
May 10, 2022
Excellent selection of short, personal essays that are sharp, witty and insightful. I particularly liked Newland’s opening Those Blue-eyed Boys, and the essays Saint Rizzo, Beautiful Boys and Meg Ryan’s Naked Ambition. Catherine Bray and Simran Hans are brilliant in the The Female Gaze section.
A greater anthology on this topic with longer essays and more detailed analysis is due, as it often felt like these essays were only just starting to scratch the surface. Overall a good collection that I hope brings further writing and greater depth on the topic.
“Women’s sexual satisfaction is not built into the romcom genre; in fact, the very acknowledgement of female carnality disrupts it. According to convention, at the end of the movie the heroine gets her “happily ever after”. The acquisition of a relationship is the end goal, the prize to be won. What she does with her winnings is not of anyone’s concern. A more desirous woman, on the other hand, might discover that sex (her own “happy ending” if you will) can be reward enough.”
A greater anthology on this topic with longer essays and more detailed analysis is due, as it often felt like these essays were only just starting to scratch the surface. Overall a good collection that I hope brings further writing and greater depth on the topic.
“Women’s sexual satisfaction is not built into the romcom genre; in fact, the very acknowledgement of female carnality disrupts it. According to convention, at the end of the movie the heroine gets her “happily ever after”. The acquisition of a relationship is the end goal, the prize to be won. What she does with her winnings is not of anyone’s concern. A more desirous woman, on the other hand, might discover that sex (her own “happy ending” if you will) can be reward enough.”
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews