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Healthy Relationships
In this short E-book Mark Manson writes on topics like importance of boundaries in a relationship, and gives some practical advices on how to improve the communication in a relationship.
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About the author
Mark Manson
77 books18.7k followersMark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he's been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries.
He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net
He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
January 20, 2022
It is fun reading Manson. I like how in his writings on relationships, he focuses on "self-study" more so than critiquing the other.
"The solution," he writes, "is to become more aware of our own emotional make-up, accept it, and then consciously express it in a healthy manner."
He notes that there is a false consensus bias in assuming that we all have the same emotional needs. Basically, he narrows down "the three fundamental emotional needs, as: 1) Status. Feeling important or superior; feeling challenged. 2) Connection. Feeling understood and appreciated; shared
values and experiences. 3) Security. Feeling safe and reliable; feeling trust."
He notes that -in relationships- we each prioritize our search as per those emotional needs. Each of the three have healthy as well as unhealthy aspects to them. Also, the emotional needs can shift and change.
To become more aware of one's emotional needs, he suggests asking oneself "why" (i.e. Why did I feel this way?), meditation, therapy - but that essentially it's all a process.
Additionally, he offers insight into resolving conflict and daring to confront, suggesting that it may be helpful to get clarity by writing a letter that expresses 100% in honesty about how you feel (about the person entailed), then write a response letter from their perspective, and finally a more objective letter from a third-person perspective. He really encourages confrontation, especially among codependents who will avoid confronting at all costs, but pushes for them to do so regardless as the only other option is the demise of the relationship.
Lastly, he talks about the importance of boundaries:
"Healthy Personal Boundaries = Taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while NOT taking responsibility for the actions or emotions of others." People with poor boundaries will fall into becoming victim/savior, and the lack of boundaries leads to a vicious cycle. He highlights the importance of boundaries not only in intimate but also in all relationships. Although he sees that sacrifices may be important, yet lack of boundaries come out of 'fear' - and it is the fear, in essence, that is the problem. The last sentence of the book: "A person with strong boundaries understands that a healthy relationship is not controlling one another’s emotions, but rather each partner supporting each other in their growth and path to self-actualization."
"The solution," he writes, "is to become more aware of our own emotional make-up, accept it, and then consciously express it in a healthy manner."
He notes that there is a false consensus bias in assuming that we all have the same emotional needs. Basically, he narrows down "the three fundamental emotional needs, as: 1) Status. Feeling important or superior; feeling challenged. 2) Connection. Feeling understood and appreciated; shared
values and experiences. 3) Security. Feeling safe and reliable; feeling trust."
He notes that -in relationships- we each prioritize our search as per those emotional needs. Each of the three have healthy as well as unhealthy aspects to them. Also, the emotional needs can shift and change.
To become more aware of one's emotional needs, he suggests asking oneself "why" (i.e. Why did I feel this way?), meditation, therapy - but that essentially it's all a process.
Additionally, he offers insight into resolving conflict and daring to confront, suggesting that it may be helpful to get clarity by writing a letter that expresses 100% in honesty about how you feel (about the person entailed), then write a response letter from their perspective, and finally a more objective letter from a third-person perspective. He really encourages confrontation, especially among codependents who will avoid confronting at all costs, but pushes for them to do so regardless as the only other option is the demise of the relationship.
Lastly, he talks about the importance of boundaries:
"Healthy Personal Boundaries = Taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while NOT taking responsibility for the actions or emotions of others." People with poor boundaries will fall into becoming victim/savior, and the lack of boundaries leads to a vicious cycle. He highlights the importance of boundaries not only in intimate but also in all relationships. Although he sees that sacrifices may be important, yet lack of boundaries come out of 'fear' - and it is the fear, in essence, that is the problem. The last sentence of the book: "A person with strong boundaries understands that a healthy relationship is not controlling one another’s emotions, but rather each partner supporting each other in their growth and path to self-actualization."
July 9, 2022
This book discusses the factors which might influence the success of relationships – familial, romantic, and others. Furthermore, it also explains the correct way of finishing an argument compared to the traditional, chaotic method of tantrums. I learned that relationships are complicated and hard to establish. However, it’s not impossible to establish a relationship with someone, especially regarding family. I learned that 3 factors influenced the success of relationships and why some people react a certain way to them, the 3 factors are status, connection, and security. Furthermore, I learned that the best way to argue with someone is to find their underlying motivation and emotion compared to their surface actions. In this way, you can put yourself in their perspective and react with the correct measures.
May 30, 2023
Pretty shot but a great book on various needs in relation such as status-driven, connection driven, and needs for security, importance of boundaries are well explained, and worth a read!
April 27, 2024
I loved how Mark elaborate the topic personal boundaries and how to apply them in relationships.
Boundaries are hot :)
Boundaries are hot :)
March 7, 2020
A quick read on common pitfalls in managing relationships, conflict resolution, and healthy boundaries. I came across one of Mark's articles in exploring my own savior complex, which led to this eBook. I found it insightful and easy to read.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews