Erkeklerin Kadınlara Asla Söyleyemeyeceği 7 Sır

by Kevin Leman, Cihat Taşçıoğlu (Translator)

Bir erkek ilişkide en çok neye ihtiyaç duyar?
Onu mutlu etmek için bilmeniz gerekenler nedir?
Birlikte olduğunuz erkeği neler huzursuz eder?

Hayatınızdaki erkek en fazla neden korkar ve siz onun korktuğu şeyi nasıl ustaca yaparsınız?
Neden daima kahraman olmaya öykünür?
Ve onunla harika bir ilişki sürdürmenin yolları nelerdir?

Bu kitabı elinize aldığınız için sizi kutlarım! Demek ki hayatınızdaki erkeği önemsiyor ve onunla
ilişkinizi gelis?tirmek istiyorsunuz.

Erkekler hiç de biz kadınların düşündüğü kadar karmaşık değildir. İster evli olun, ister biriyle birlikte
yaşayın veya çıkıyor olun Erkeklerin Kadınlara Asla Söylemeyeceği 7 Sır, ilişkinizin gölgede kalan
yönlerini ortaya çıkaracaktır.

Genres: Relationships, Marriage, Nonfiction, Self Help, Christian, Christian Living

240 pages, Paperback

First published March 24, 2007

About the author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
Facebook
Twitter

Reviews

[Jolene · Rating 1 out of 5]

So much sexism it pained me to read. Apparently as a woman I care only about my cute shoes and purse, scrap booking, cooking and don't know how to drive a car, mow the lawn, and the list goes on. My husband must inherently be a Neanderthal who can be controlled by my strategic behaviour. I must accompany him to all football games even if he wears earphones the whole time and talks to his buddies but should never even dare ask him to come to one of my "scrapbooking conventions" ;) Prior to which I will of course ask him if I look fat in my outfit before leaving the house. There were a couple take away points, but I've heard them presented in other books that didn't offer gross stereotypes and sexism.

[Bianca · Rating 1 out of 5]

You're rarely, very rarely, going to see me being totally annoyed by reading a book written by a Christian, internationally-known psychologist, award-winning, and bestselling author. Usually, I try to be open-minded in my reviews and allow for differences of opinion in small matters, but this book deserves zero stars if that were possible. Why? There are so many contradictions here.

Let me start with this: the author writes, "Men are wired by God to enjoy the feminine form. It's NORMAL for a man who LOVES HIS WIFE to walk by another beautiful woman in a red dress and think, Wow, she's gorgeous. Or for him to TURN HIS HEAD in a restaurant to FOLLOW a young woman in a red miniskirt." Remember, he's a Christian. This is plain dangerous advice. There are too many Bible verses that contradict what he says.

I spoke to my husband about what the author writes, and he agreed that much of it is neither right, biblical, nor sound advice. I found myself frustrated with the author more than once, so I won't go into details about everything. After making such questionable statements, he then ends the book by talking about mutual respect and other similar things. Unfortunately, I must say you won't gain much from reading this book. Yes, I must admit that there is a bit of good advice here and there, but it's not worth reading the entire book to find it—especially since there are much better books out there on this topic.

If you've read one or two good, sound Christian books on relationships, you probably already know all there is to learn here. Because of what the author wrote, I won't be reading any more of his books in the future or recommending this one to anyone.

[Shari · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book incredibly condescending and sexist. don't waste your time

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was hoping for more of a fact based rather than testimonial read (the author is a psychiatrist after all). Also, I found myself thinking some of the things he said to be incredibly sexist. I wasn't looking for a book to tell me how I needed to change to fit the needs of my boyfriend, I just wanted to gain a better understanding of his thought process (which it appears I already knew). I also thought it was completely unnecessary to bring Christianity and god given rights and whatever into the book. It randomly appeared in the second chapter...had I known that was coming I never would have started the book. On a brighter note the author did address a few important points about male vs. female "needs" which are obviously different, but nothing earth shattering that you need to read a whole book about to understand. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone I know.

[Rachelle Cobb · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book that I'd recommend only for older readers on the very brink of engagement, but one that is a welcome light-hearted deviant from the other books I read last year. Leman is a very funny author, who cracks jokes and writes in a comical way that is nevertheless insightful. Though I sometimes disagreed with his more blatant statements (and so did some of the men in my life I ran some of Leman's points by), I liked this look into the male brain.

[Steve Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book and I recommend it as a must-read for anyone in a relationship or contemplating the prospect! Not just for the girls; guys should read this too. Why is something that is very important to her not even given a thought by him? Why does he do ...? Why does he need ... ? What does he mean by ... ? Dr. Leman is very entertaining and gives laugh-out-loud examples of the different way that men and women approach situations and interpret actions (or inaction). There are two introductory questions on the back cover and the answers may surprise you:

What your man wants most? A)Sex, B)Dinner, C)More of A!, D)Respect, E)Money & Success
Answer: Part A, C, and D. A man's top needs are to to be respected, needed, and fulfilled by you (and being fulfilled means much more than just sex).

How often does a man think about sex? A)As much as you, B)10 times as much as you, C)33 times as much as you, D)Every day but April 15, E)Only on days that end in the letter Y
Answer: C (read the book and find out what this really means and how it impacts his and your behavior)

The short introduction sets the light hearted tone of the book for this not so light hearted subject. What men really crave is three simple things: to be respected, to be needed, and to be fulfilled.

My wife and I went through the book together and had a lot of laughs. This book is right on target in all 7 areas that Dr. Leman has outlined. It is a quick read and does not get bogged down in psychology or scientific speak. With just one read you will walk away with tools to "understand his basic needs and talk in ways he understands. You will be well on your way to the relationship of your dreams!"

Intended for women, but men can learn an awful lot that can benefit them.

[Darla · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book will only appeal to a limited, narrow section of people: middle class whites devoutly practicing Christianity. If I'd had a clue about that before picking it up, I would have PASSED. There are a few nuggets of wisdom buried in the pages, but you have to get past NEEDLESS homophobia, rampant sexism and false information, e.g., pornography causes sexual abuse, and other ridiculous statements. I felt completely ripped off by this book. Also, terrible font changes and quotes through out with lame old white guy jokey jokes. My bad for picking it up in the Reno airport--sorry, my mistake for trying to improve myself as a wife. Ugh. The author should be ashamed of his point of view and the exclusivity of it.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was okay. He had some good points about a man's needs and a woman's needs and how they are different. I didn't like some of the examples he gave, though. He gave reference to women running into things with their cars and men needing the remote control. I think these are typical things people think, but are not true. My husband doesn't care about the t.v. remote and I've never hit anything with our car. I just needed to read past these type of examples to understand what he was really saying.

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very enlightening! Hard to read at times because it seems very one-sided, but worth the reflection. I think the book is mostly about changing perspective.

[Chloe · Rating 4 out of 5]

You don’t have to be in a relationship for long to know that men and women are so delightfully - and frustratingly - different.

Many women complain about how their man doesn’t care about the details of how her day was, or share her enthusiasm for hospitality or homemaking, or how he stands like dry spaghetti at a party. While there's definitely room for some healthy conversations about love languages here, first, you need to understand how men experience daily life.

Fundamentally, we need to understand that men and women require very different things from relationships. Leman observes that all men's relational needs boil down to 3 things:
-To be respected
-To be needed
-To be fulfilled (p. xxi).

In comparison, women need:
-Affection
-Honest, open communication
-Commitment to family (p. 4).

These relational needs can coexist with both parties feeling like their needs are met, but to do so, we need to understand each other.

'7 Things' helped me to understand how the very things I love about my man also frustrate me because they're so different to the way I'd do things. To help him feel needed, I have to reign in my hyper-independence a little to give him a chance to fix things around the house before I call in help. I've also learned that men have more insecurities than they let on, and I want to be careful that the way I talk and act doesn’t inadvertently weaponise these insecurities to get what I want. And that's just a taste of the wisdom you'll find within these pages.

My only criticism is that Leman comes across as patronising when he talks about how women can be around their period, but that is quite likely caused by a lack of understanding and the context the book was written in. Since 2007, much more has been written about women's needs I each phase of their cycle (e.g. 'Period Queen' by Lucy Peach', and woman and men are generally having more considerate and productive conversations around the topic (see Steven Bartlett's Diary of a CEO or the Huberman Lab for excellent examples).

But apart from that, it's an enjoyable, quick read that'll help you reflect on your relationship and give you lots of ideas to improve it.

The book is primarily for engaged or married couples, but I'd recommend it to any woman in a serious relationship. Likewise, I'd encourage any man in a serious relationship to read Leman's other book, '7 Things She'll never Tell You.'

[Lynne · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very quick read. As I mentioned in my update this is a book I listened to mainly because it came up in my feed and I was slightly curious about. It is extremely dated in my opinion but does have a few good points that are mostly common sense but always good to get a refresher.

[Bill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, so this book was suggested by my therapist ... advised me to give it to my wife as sort of an "owner's manual" for the "North American Egotistical Male" (which I am, of course). I read it first and despite the sort of corny, old-fashioned jokes, the 1950s references and language the author uses (I don't know if he used the phrase "knockers" but you get the idea ... it could be off-putting), I found it to be remarkably insightful.

The primary lesson of the book can be distilled down into the notion that a man's needs and a woman's needs often collide. In case you didn't know, their respective Top Three Needs are as follows:

Men
- To be respected;
- To be needed;
- To be fulfilled;

Women
- Affection;
- Honest, open communication;
- Commitment to family.

Right, well, you may dispute the above (at least his interpretation of women's' needs) but I was really surprised at his assessment of men's needs, because they were spot on.

Unfortunately, when I gave it to my wife to read, she breezed thru it, agreed with me that it was a good book, but said "Oh, I can see why you'd like it," and that was it.

I moved out a few weeks later.

Now, I'm not saying this book will save your marriage, but every woman out there should read it so at the very least when you want to cut your husband's head off, you'll have a good explanation for the judge.

[Jaisell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, so there are some points in this book that we already know. We are just reminded over and over again about how to treat our men. It really bugs me that the onus is put on the woman to make the relationship better and basically cater to her mans every need. Even so, there were some good points and I was glad to be reminded about how sensitive our men can really be. If I can make some changes, then my husband will subconsciously make changes as well. What ever it takes to achieve marital bliss! I must add that although the book is written by a doctor (phd,) he supports most of his claims from a religous perspective and obviously from the male perspective. Thou shalt submit to your man (not). Basically, he says that if we give them more sex he will bend to our will. But we already knew that;-).

[Beth E · Rating 3 out of 5]

Plenty of useful information, much we've all heard at one time or another. Yet helpful to hear again and critically evaluate my own actions and how I might be contributing to frustration. With that, however, I wonder why the author almost given a pass to men, saying 'they can't help it, they're little boys inside'. I struggle against that and with that reaction, not as open to hearing possible truths inside.
- Men want the Cliff Notes
- Boys never really do grow up
- Don't turn him into your girlfriend
- He needs you to need him
- Guys think about sex, a lot
- Listen to what he says at face value
- He wants to be your hero

In the end, I do appreciate some of the perspective and will try to employ the parts that I am able.

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned some good things from this book, but beware. There's a lot of preachiness here, as well as a seriously anti-gay sentiment, and shall we say a "traditional" view of women. But the communication ideas are very good. If you can handle or overlook some of the religious/moral pomposity, you may gain some good insight into the male of the species, his needs and wants, and not just in the bedroom.

[Claire Eastin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really, really liked this book. You really do learn the 7 things that are important from the man's viewpoint, and how to go about honoring those 7 things. Easy to read, informative, and offers an honest look at what makes a man happy & healthy in a relationship. Would recommend to married and single ladies alike.

[Sheri Yutzy · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you want an easy read to help you understand men a little better, this is the book for you. I reread it every so often. Leman is definitely on the far end of the masculine scale, but even if your husband/brother/father is easier to understand than he is, this is still a helpful guide into how to respect and love men.

[Judy · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was an interesting read. I learned a lot about the way my husband mind works and why he does some of the things he does. I also learned how my role in the relationship can be positive when I do certain things and how others negatively affect his self worth. It gave me new perspective into the way male minds work. Very straight forward. Tell it like it is kind of book.

[Monica · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's always interesting to hear what a man has to say about 'women'. And though I didn't agree with half of what he said (Sorry, but I drive a mini van - and in the "fast lane") But he had some good advice that will be good to put into practice.

[Jostalady · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is really helpful, straighforward and funny. My husband grunted in agreement with Dr. Leman! I do recommend this one for women, because we would not figure this stuff out on our own...I wonder what else I don't understand.

[Andy Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great for women. Nancy read it and said it would be a good read for me. She left me little notes in the margins. Just for me.... Great book, highly recommend every married woman reads it. Very Insightful.

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great reminder that men really are simple creatures and we have different perspectives! It's good once in a while to remind yourself of this. Fast and easy read. He uses his life as an example a lot but he gets his point across.

[Norma Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is self-help in giving women a clue in how to understand men and to learn "man-speak," a way that your guy can know what you are trying to tell him. Good insight into male/female communication styles.

[Tia Montalvo-hamilton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although this is a quick read, there is nothing new in this book. I didn't like that it seemed to dumb down men's needs and kept returning to a man's eternal need for sex. I think more of men, and believe their wants and needs are deeper than what's described by Leman.

[Nathália August · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome

It was so interesting to learn more about man. Simple, yet very important things that can totally change your marriage. Recomend it to all married ladies and also to the ones that are still waiting for their guy. Learn before, it'll be easier once you're married! :)

[Lisa]

Marriage

[Kellie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm buying this book for all my girlfriends.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't seem to put this down. Very good.
If you have a guy in your life... you should read this book. I highly recommend it.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! It is very insightful to a man's thoughts. Although my hubby is not a textbook man, it does help me to understand him better and from a Christian perspective.

[Mary Padovich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great insight!