Thin Is the New Happy

by Valerie Frankel, Marie Caliendo (Narrator)

Like so many women in today’s society, Valerie Frankel’s world was dictated by her weight, from starvation and binge eating to her self-loathing and total preoccupation with her weight. Not wanting to pass this legacy on to her own daughters, Valerie set out to cleanse herself of these painful and damaging cycles. Yes, she lost twenty pounds and two dress sizes along the way – without dieting a single day. But more than that, she’s come out on the other side, loving her body, herself, and finally being free.

Thin Is the New Happy is a hilarious, unflinching, self-deprecating, and joy-filled memoir for every woman who has ever felt good or bad about herself based on how she looks.

“[A] poignant…hilarious memoir – As Frankel diets through good times and bad, she skewers her own weight-loss foibles and a society that teaches women that thin is all that matters.” – Lucy S. Danziger, editor-in-chief, Self Magazine
“Riotously funny…always thought-provoking…down-right inspiring.” – Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries
“It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think.” – Jennifer Cruise, author of Agnes and the Hitman

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Chick Lit, Biography, Health, Humor, Biography Memoir

6 pages, Audio CD

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

She's written twenty books (e.g., The Accidental Virgin and The Girlfriend Curse), and contributed to dozens of publications including the New York Times, Self, Allure, Glamour, Parenting and Good Housekeeping. Her memoir, Thin Is the New Happy, about overcoming bad body image after 30 years of dieting and self-loathing, was recently described as "Rueful, zestful and surprisingly funny," by the New York Times.

Reviews

[Sharon · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thin is the New Happy by Val Frankel, purports to be a book on how the author conquered her body image issues.

She talks about being a chubby kid whose mother enrolled her in Weight Watchers at the age of 11 and had her doing fad diets at the age of *8.* She talks about yo-yo dieting and how she hated her body. She talks about self-medicating with booze, drugs and sex to try to feel better about her body.

And then, at the end, after writing about the things she did to feel better about herself ... including getting counseling about her body image issues, learning how to dress in a style that made her feel good (with advice from her former Mademoiselle magazine colleague Stacy London, who advised to only wear things that make you feel joyful) ... she writes about how delighted she is that she GOT THIN AT LAST by changing how she ate and exercising more.

Um, this is not going to help a young woman with body image issues, Ms. Frankel. If you ask me, it's going to leave a young woman with the impression (despite you writing words to the contrary) that if you just eat differently and exercise you can overcome genetics. You talked about this in your book ... how you railed at your physician father and your nagging mother as an adult because size is governed a great deal about genetics. And then, you turn around and talk about changing how you eat ("steak tips on a big green salad") and how much you exercise.

ARGH!!!!

[Lain · Rating 4 out of 5]

Valerie Frankel isn't that different from most American women. She has weight issues and she's lost the same 10 (15? 20?) lbs. multiple times. What is different, though, is that Frankel decided once and for all to let go of her diet angst. And write about it.

I enjoyed tracing her history of preoccupation with her body and her weight (I completely identify with thinking body-nullifying thoughts multiple times a day, and wishing to be anorexic just for a month or so). She does a masterful job of explaining how her past has formed her present. She is determined to mine out all the past hurts in the hopes of letting go of these emotional scars once and for all.

What I didn't understand, though, was how she could say she's letting go of her preoccupation with weight -- but she's doing so in the hopes that she will lose weight. Hmmm. Has she tackled her body image demons... or hasn't she?

I also don't think I'd EVER be able to forgive my husband if he told me flat-out that he'd love my body more if I "lost the tummy." I think I'd lose him first.

All the same, it's a great, funny, memorable read -- worth it just for the fashion advice from Stacy London alone!

[Debra Komar · Rating 2 out of 5]

A textbook example of memoirs that are really just therapy for the writer, and misery for the audience. Valerie Frankel has body image issues that she claims are the result of messages sent by her mother and grandmother when she was younger. Fair enough, and a fairly common scenario. The problems are: a) Valerie Frankel's intense self-loathing and need to body shame, b) the book is all tell, no show, c) the message to the reader is that, unless you are thin, there is something wrong with you. The hateful language - blimp, tubby, fat - undermines any positive efforts Frankel might make. It feels as if the editor toned down the rhetoric, not the author. Clearly Frankel needs to work through her baggage and apparently she felt we the audience needed to watch and pay for the privilege. I have read great memoirs - painful, thoughtful, self-aware examinations of difficult topics. That's not what this book is.

[Dani B · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! From the very beginning when Valerie Frankel compares her weight to a “serious, nonviolent crime”, I knew I was going to enjoy this book. It was an exceptionally easy read, and was very relatable. Frankel gets her point across using humor, touching personal stories, and brutal honesty, which makes it seem like you’re reading something written by a friend, not a distant, unknown author. The part of the book that stuck out to me the most was when she talks about how her husband having cancer was bittersweet. Even though she was losing the love of her life, she was still happy that she was losing weight. Initially, this made me hate her, but after thinking about it for a few minutes, I realized that she wasn’t thinking that way on purpose. She had been bred by her mother to think that way, and I realized that society has bred many young women (myself included) to think that way.

Almost as enjoyable as reading the book was seeing other peoples’ reactions to the title of the book. The pressure for women to be thin is a huge cultural issue, and a lot of girls that I consider to be thin said that they had felt that pressure, as well. I’ve recommended this book multiple times, and I will continue to recommend it, because it shows all women, no matter what age, that their weight doesn’t define who they are. If they know how to treat their body, they will succeed. It is an extremely well written book, and it will continue to impact the way I think about my weight and my culture’s definition of being happy with how you look.

[George Ilsley · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sometimes I wonder why I am reading a particular book. With this one, I decided that memoirs written by "writers" are weaker than those written by non-writers. Writers tend to toss off memoirs as side projects, while non-writers pour their hearts and souls into the work. In any event, Frankel here keeps mentioning she's a writer and a comedic writer and I kept thinking "show, don't tell!"

Much annoying (and wasted) word play, combined with the sometimes oblivious use of language, was really distracting. For example in the first few pages Frankel mentions an authority figure "throwing their weight around". In a memoir about weight issues, I could not believe a writer would just throw out a cliche which used the word "weight" without seeming to realize what was being said. Having lots of weight is good, right? To throw around? According to the cliche?

There were a couple of good chapters (life at Mademoiselle) and perhaps there were even more but I was skimming so fast I didn't read great chunks. And in the future, I'll be leery of memoirs from writers.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Val Frankel has spent most of her life obsessed with her weight and dieting- from a childhood dominated by a hyper-critical, fat-phobic mom (a characterization whom I suspect a LOT of us born in the 70s recognized as kind of like our own moms) who started putting her on diets as a child "out of love", to a tumultuous adolescence as a punk who rebelled against her appearance-concious mother by going full mohawk F-U fashion, to a hippie college kid gaining the freshman 15 from a lot of the pot-induced munchies and easy access to cafeteria food, to working at a fashion magazine where she's the largest woman on staff in a size 8...to....to.....to.... Frankel's life has been both ordinary and extraordinary, which makes her memoir so very easy to relate to. And she's a good writer, which makes the book easy to read. And she even makes some salient points about emotional baggage and weight and body image issues. All that said, I struggled to fall in love with this book. i liked a lot about it, but I also, as someone who has struggled with weight a lot of my life, found myself having a difficult time feeling very sympathetic to someone whose fat clothes are anything over a size 8. Frankel wrote a memoir all about being fat vs being thin, while the book kind of shows she was never particularly fat other than when she was pregnant. She was overweight at times, but probably never once into even the BMI for obese (she doesn't actually ever mention her scale weights- I did like that because if I saw them in print, I probably would feel even more strongly about this criticism that kept me from fully connecting with the book), and as a reader whose thin clothes are my 12s, this was a difficult pill to swallow. All that said, I did like her writing style, and apparently she's a pretty prolific author, so I may try one of her novels or other nonfiction/non-memoir books in the future- I have a feeling I may like those more. So 3 stars- I liked it, but I didn't love it.

[Ashleigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly, it's been years since I've read this. And I'm not someone who does "proper" reviews that often anyway, but as a teenager I enjoyed this book. It made me laugh and cry, and do I care if it wrapped up a little too nicely? No. It gave me hope that it was actually possible to overcome all the insecurities of body weight and actually be comfortable in your own skin. I really think that's what this book was about.

When I a teenager, I struggled really badly with my weight. I would get seriously depressed. I was active, and I have a muscular build--which makes me heavier. Now, in my twenties, do I still have insecurities about my body and struggle with maintaining my weight? Sure I do, and I probably always will. I don't think it is something that i will just make peace with and it will disappear. I'm on my third pregnancy in four years, so I struggle with gaining the weight and then stress about losing it. So, I don't know. I guess I liked this book so much because I could really relate to the body-shaming and I would love to overcome it.

Im trying to remember the smaller details of this book, but they are a bit fuzzy. As far as her many "relationships"--I didn't mind reading about them. I mean, it was entertaining. And I remember something about her being a young widow. Also, her relationship with her mother was very strained, if I'm remembering correctly.

Overall, I enjoyed this story when I read it so many years ago, lol. I should probably revisit it someday.

[Rakisha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I needed a pep talk. I was feeling down about my stomach. Depending on the chair, my belly would touch my thighs when I sat down. I had gained some weight over my vacation. I need to go up a size in pants. I was talking a good game about loving my body as is and getting off the diet merry-go-round, but on the inside I was a hypocrit and self-hating. So, I returned to this memoir "Thin Is the New Happy" to see if it would give a swift kick in my well-padded rear.

It did, sort of.

Val got lessons in yo-yo dieting and self-hatred very early on in her life, and it took her nearly 40 years to get over it. She received from her mother, her classmates, her co-workers, and mainly herself (she internalized the criticisms and insults hurled at her). Val confronts her demons and then exorcizes them, and her exorcism is just more than a nice makeover. Eventually does pull herself together, and that it is motivating as hell.

Near the end of the book, she talks about healthy eating and not dieting, and how no-diet causes her to lose a dress size. I found this is a little difficult to swallow, because I want Val to not focus on losing dress sizes but focusing on how diets really don't work. It's almost like she is saying "I found another way to get slimmer."

It's a quick, funny and sometimes painful read but I recommend it highly even if your issue isn't dieting or body image.

[Mila · Rating 3 out of 5]

Be warned that this is not a "fat acceptance" or "Healthy at Any Size" read, if that's what you're looking for. This is the story of a woman who has lost and gained back the same 20 pounds throughout her life, who decides to stop dieting once and for all.

All well and good, and the process she goes through examining her relationships with her family, with workplaces, with significant others, and with herself is interesting and perhaps relevant to most readers. However, the emphasis she places on her size even after she stops dieting (she goes to the gym four times a week instead) makes me think that she may not have completely conquered this obsession. I began comparing my own height and weight with hers as I read, which it seems must be the opposite of what Frankel intended. Maybe it's my own neuroses speaking, but I was hoping for a book with more analysis of the culture and more acceptance of one's body, diet or exercise regimen notwithstanding.

I have to say the parts I enjoyed most were the ones about her work at magazines during the years I was reading those magazines. I liked getting the insights into the editorial decisions that were made, and comparing magazine styles and workplaces.

[Al · Rating 2 out of 5]

I only read this book because we know the author's parents. We had heard that the author's mother was extremely upset about the way she was portrayed in the book (although she hadn't read it herself), and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Well, it's true that her mother comes in for criticism, but the bigger news, at least to me, was the author's willingness to confess levels of pathetically debased behavior beyond any reason. I guess it made her feel good; maybe some kind of catharsis. But she could have made her points about dealing with her weight obsession without the detail of her sex and drug life, and without embarrassing and demeaning not only herself but her whole family. What possesses people to lay out every piece of dirty linen they have in front of millions of strangers? Yuck. Reading this book didn't make me any smarter; I just felt really bad for the author because she seems, on the whole, to be a smart and reasonably decent person.
Well, I'll see you later. I have to go take a shower. Oh, and don't bother to read this unless you have a serious inability to deal with your weight problem.

[Mina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Valerie Frankel writes about her struggle with body image ... her upbringing, her youth, her profession, her constant dieting. She decides to not-diet, and learn to begin letting go of all of the emotional baggage that goes with the dieting cycle.

It's a well written, insightful, entertaining read. It got me thinking about not just my body image, but my entire self-image. A favorite quote, from her chapter called Emotional Maintenance:

"Among all oppressed peoples throughout history, we women hold the dubious distinction of being the only group to persecute ourselves. We are our own enemies. We chose the battle that we could never win. Call it the Thousand Years War. If every woman on earth were to suddenly release her fat obsession into the wind, the world would profoundly change for the better. The world around us, the world within us."

Recommended for all women. And men who might want to understand us.

[LibraryCin · Rating 4 out of 5]

When Val was only 11 years old, her mother started in on her about dieting and losing weight. That has stayed with Val her entire life. This book tells of her struggle to stop the constant dieting.

I really enjoyed reading this. Val had a tough time, not only at home, but was teased at school, as well. Each chapter focuses on one main thing in her life (though there are a few chapters about her mother, with whom she does have a good relationship now) like school, her rebelling as a teenager, each of her two husbands, and more. There is a chapter where her friend and coworker, Stacy London (yes, from What Not to Wear) helps her with her wardrobe. It was really fast to read. I hadn't even realized that she has also written a number of fiction books, and I might take a look at some of those, too.

[Karen Cino · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have to say I was able to relate with this book as far as the dealing with weight problem at this point in my life. The gaining and losing of the same ten to fifteen pounds have been ongoing for me too. At one point in my life I was down to a size three and exercising over an hour a day. (And I felt horrible as well as looked horrible. There is such a thing as too thin.) When menopause hits it's a whole new struggle. This book is great for women in their early forties and over. I wouldn't recommend it for younger teens/women who are struggling with their weight, especially when the author talks about going to Weight Watchers at age eight. Most pediatricians won't recommend a preteen going on a weight programs until they are much older. I can understand helping your child cut down on the junk food, but forcing your child to go to a weight loss center...no.

[Kaye · Rating 4 out of 5]

Val Frankel shares pretty much all her dirty laundry, and how it relates to her negative body image. As someone that has had a lifelong struggle with weight, I related to her stories of yo-yo dieting, and the rush you get when you start a new plan (the plan that will change your life, of course). Ultimately, she discovers that dieting is a curse in itself, and works her way toward self-realization. Some readers may not like her descriptive depictions of her constant drug use and promiscuity, or her convoluted relationship with her mother (but, honestly, who has a simple relationship with their mother?!?), but it didn't bother me a bit.

[Cassie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was somewhat painful for me to read because I related to so many of the situations that the author wrote about regarding her maddening journey with weight loss and being happy with her body type/size. While I didn't have the kind of mother that the author had (not even close!!), I did have horrific, emotionally traumatizing encounters with mean boys in elementary school and junior high and I am sure that this is the root of my own weight issues. I probably need therapy. If you are skinny and have never had "weight issues"--don't bother with this book. If you have "weight issues"--you know who you are...then this is a good read. Painful, but good.

[Niche · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another goodwill find. This book is thankfully,not a chick lit. memoir. It looks why we think thin is better from a cultural and psychological stand point and how the ultimate goal should be physical and emotional health. Plus, Val Frankel is good friends with Stacy London. London discusses dressing well from more of an intellectual stand point and we learn that she has a Degree in Philosophy from Vassar. Weight is more of a self-esteem issue to Frankel and I like the idea of using a clicker for every negative thought that she has. Of course, the Undiet is really adopting lifestyle changes that is really the only weigh to achieve healthy wait loss.

[Andrea Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. It pretty much reiterates the eat when you're hungry, stop when you are full theory of weight loss, BUT- what it really does is tap into the emotional side of dieting. All of the negative self talk, and the constant losing and regaining. I really enjoyed this woman's perpspective and hope that I can stop all of the negative image bashing feelings and thoughts that I constantly have. Especially to be a better example for my girls. Definitely recommended to anyone on the dieting merry go round.

[Cindie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had fun reading this book, which reminded me of a kind of expanded how-to-take-control-of-my-eating from any woman's magazine. I feel like we have all read way too many of those, and yet this book was like visiting with an unusually honest, un-self-concious friend. Still, her self-excavation of her past with food and eating was brave and made me, while not interested in participating the intense psyche exploration she endured, more open to my own mental machinations rather than the cycle of self-blame for the lack of physical perfection our culture imposes upon women.

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, I heard from some reputable source that this was a good book. I was skeptical--look at the cover!!! Also, the author of this memoir usually writes chick lit and mysteries. But I decided to read it regardless. It was actually pretty good--it's all about the author's lifelong struggle with her weight/body image, etc. I could relate to all her stuff about being ugly and unpopular in junior high, and also to her adult wardrobe of cheap, black clothing.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book that addresses body image. A memoir - so told from the authors perspective but highly relatable. She choses to address her thinking and honestly and openly shares her journey and the truth she discovers. If you have ever defined your worth by your waistline this is worth picking up.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I related to this book so much. It was like the author was telling my dieting & weight story. I want to share this book with other friends who had similar experiences as young ladie's but I may have to keep this one for myself. I may need to refer back to it to stop the dieting rollercoaster that I am still on. no more diets!!!

[Jen]

This woman's body image is seriously skewed. She considered herself a "behemoth" at a size 14. I was pretty much over her whining at that point. I cannot say I enjoyed the book after I realized her "fat years" were when she was a size 14. Give me a break.

[Emily Goenner Munson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up at Goodwill for 10 cents, even though I didn't plan to read it. It was worth 10 cents for sure--insightful and easy to read, its good for anyone who has weight issues and who doesn't?

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

"You have to love your body as a living organism, not hate it as a flawed decorative statue." Exactly.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Liked it very much. I definitely connected to and identified with what Frankel shared in this memoir. Her style is easy going, insightful, and humorous.

[Cynthia Harrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like Valerie Frankel's writing very much. Her novels are funny, her magazine pieces always sharp. But this is the second book I've read in a row where a thin woman complains about her weight. Frankel considers any size over an 8 unacceptable. She did the yo-yo thing from sizes in the upper teens to 8 for years an years. She was a chubby kid and her mom put her on a diet at an early age. I was not a chubby kid. I gained weight in my thirties after I quit smoking. But for a long time, Val and I did the same yo-yo and it felt similarly awful to both of us. So that part I got. Then...she stopped dieting and somehow miraculously went to a size 8 naturally and has stayed there ever since. That's where she lost me.

[Alex Bromley · Rating 3 out of 5]

For anyone who has struggled with body image this is a pretty good read. It's a simple memoir of Valerie Frankel and her struggle to love her body. Being an overweight child with a mother who was very weight-focused and being teased by her peers about her weight she developed a very distorted view of her body which caused her to chronically diet. It tells the story of how she came to love herself. I enjoyed it. It was well written. However, I did disagree with some of the things she said and I certainly wouldn't marry a man who said to me he wondered what i would look like without my belly fat. Would have said "bye" to that dude.

[CaliNativeBalboa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd checked out this book from the library but procrastinated about reading it for months. When I finally did, I found the description of her work at Mademoiselle magazine the most compelling part of the book instead of her struggles with weight. I also appreciated her shout out to my "What Not To Wear" fave Stacey London.
Other than those admittedly shallow, dishy aspects, I found the book although readable, a bit of a light weight.

[Jamie Clark · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book about learning to love your body and getting over bad body image, I gave it a 3 star only because it could have been shortened a bit and it seemed to ramble on at times. Overall, I enjoyed it and learned a little about myself in the process!

[Nicola Whyte · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like the premise of this book - love yourself and move on from body issues. I think that in reality it’s a lot harder and there are many people who have medical issues or live in food poverty areas that this would not help.
I found it inspiring and an easy read.