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Death Is But a Dream: Finding Hope and Meaning at Life's End
The first book to validate the meaningful dreams and visions that bring comfort as death nears.
Christopher Kerr is a hospice doctor. All of his patients die. Yet he has cared for thousands of patients who, in the face of death, speak of love and grace. Beyond the physical realities of dying are unseen processes that are remarkably life-affirming. These include dreams that are unlike any regular dream. Described as "more real than real," these end-of-life experiences resurrect past relationships, meaningful events and themes of love and forgiveness; they restore life's meaning and mark the transition from distress to comfort and acceptance.
Drawing on interviews with over 1,400 patients and more than a decade of quantified data, Dr. Kerr reveals that pre-death dreams and visions are extraordinary occurrences that humanize the dying process. He shares how his patients' stories point to death as not solely about the end of life, but as the final chapter of humanity's transcendence. Kerr's book also illuminates the benefits of these phenomena for the bereaved, who find solace in seeing their loved ones pass with a sense of calm closure.
Beautifully written, with astonishing real-life characters and stories, this book is at its heart a celebration of our power to reclaim the dying process as a deeply meaningful one. Death Is But a Dream is an important contribution to our understanding of medicine's and humanity's greatest mystery.
Christopher Kerr is a hospice doctor. All of his patients die. Yet he has cared for thousands of patients who, in the face of death, speak of love and grace. Beyond the physical realities of dying are unseen processes that are remarkably life-affirming. These include dreams that are unlike any regular dream. Described as "more real than real," these end-of-life experiences resurrect past relationships, meaningful events and themes of love and forgiveness; they restore life's meaning and mark the transition from distress to comfort and acceptance.
Drawing on interviews with over 1,400 patients and more than a decade of quantified data, Dr. Kerr reveals that pre-death dreams and visions are extraordinary occurrences that humanize the dying process. He shares how his patients' stories point to death as not solely about the end of life, but as the final chapter of humanity's transcendence. Kerr's book also illuminates the benefits of these phenomena for the bereaved, who find solace in seeing their loved ones pass with a sense of calm closure.
Beautifully written, with astonishing real-life characters and stories, this book is at its heart a celebration of our power to reclaim the dying process as a deeply meaningful one. Death Is But a Dream is an important contribution to our understanding of medicine's and humanity's greatest mystery.
248 pages, Hardcover
First published February 11, 2020
347 people are currently reading
2738 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 142 reviews
February 10, 2020
Christopher Kerr is a physician at a hospice facility. When he started working there years ago, he began to discover how common it was for patients closely nearing death to have very similar dreams, normally including deceased loved ones or moments from their pasts. This book discusses that phenomenon and the studies of it conducted at Kerr's hospice facility, but most importantly, it is full of patients' stories. Stories of war veterans dealing with their still-present PTSD through their dreams, stories of widows and widowers dreaming of finally joining their beloved, and stories of trauma survivors having vivid dreams that expressed what they had most wanted out of life. These stories seem to point at the brain's extraordinary ability to resolve a lifetime's worth of love, pain, regrets, and joys to give us closure at the end. The book is incredible. Beautifully written, it felt like a continuation of the conversation started by Atul Gawande in his book, Being Mortal. If you liked Being Mortal and If Breath Becomes Air, this one is for you!
June 9, 2024
I heard the doctor author of this book interviewed on the radio and knew immediately that I wanted to read it. He is a hospice doctor. All of his patients are there to die. He has learned a lot from the patients and the staff that look after them. His first intimation that the later stages of death were worth paying attention to began with a conversation with a nurse. When he suggested several interventions for an AIDS patient, she told him, “It's too late. He's dreaming of his dead mother. He is dying.”
As he became more experienced, Kerr became convinced that when life-saving treatments were no longer relevant, medicine and doctors abandoned patients to their own devices. But that's where the process gets interesting. He firmly believes in managing symptoms to allow dying people to do the important work of preparing for death.
As that nurse pointed out, one of the signs on an impending death is having visions of dead loved ones, relatives, friends, spouses, children, or pets. They may just be reassuring presences, they may speak, they may even feel as if they are physically interacting with the patient. Kerr feels it's important not to pathologise these experiences and not to try to medicate them away. Another recurring theme is travel—packing to go somewhere, trying to procure tickets, striving to get out of bed, to GO. That's easy to interpret, they will soon be leaving.
These dreams and visions seem to allow dying people to process the unfinished business of their lives. Some work through PTSD. Everyone examines their relationships. Perspective is gained. Often peace is achieved. That result seems to be irrespective of religious belief of any kind. I found my eyes filling with tears as I read the case studies. It is a comforting idea. I was reminded of some reading I did a couple of years ago about the clinical use of psilocybin for resolution of long standing personal issues.
I must dream regularly as we all do, but I do occasionally dream of dead relatives and these are the dreams I remember. I love it when I get a brief reunion with my mother. She and my dad were killed in a car accident about 30 years ago. I got to be with Dad as he passed and it was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. His brain injury didn't allow him to speak, so I don't know if he had any of these visions, but I hope he did. I hope not to die anytime soon, but I will know what it means when these things start happening and I certainly don't dread it.
As he became more experienced, Kerr became convinced that when life-saving treatments were no longer relevant, medicine and doctors abandoned patients to their own devices. But that's where the process gets interesting. He firmly believes in managing symptoms to allow dying people to do the important work of preparing for death.
As that nurse pointed out, one of the signs on an impending death is having visions of dead loved ones, relatives, friends, spouses, children, or pets. They may just be reassuring presences, they may speak, they may even feel as if they are physically interacting with the patient. Kerr feels it's important not to pathologise these experiences and not to try to medicate them away. Another recurring theme is travel—packing to go somewhere, trying to procure tickets, striving to get out of bed, to GO. That's easy to interpret, they will soon be leaving.
These dreams and visions seem to allow dying people to process the unfinished business of their lives. Some work through PTSD. Everyone examines their relationships. Perspective is gained. Often peace is achieved. That result seems to be irrespective of religious belief of any kind. I found my eyes filling with tears as I read the case studies. It is a comforting idea. I was reminded of some reading I did a couple of years ago about the clinical use of psilocybin for resolution of long standing personal issues.
I must dream regularly as we all do, but I do occasionally dream of dead relatives and these are the dreams I remember. I love it when I get a brief reunion with my mother. She and my dad were killed in a car accident about 30 years ago. I got to be with Dad as he passed and it was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. His brain injury didn't allow him to speak, so I don't know if he had any of these visions, but I hope he did. I hope not to die anytime soon, but I will know what it means when these things start happening and I certainly don't dread it.
March 18, 2020
I had to finally give up on this book. I tried hard to make it to the end, but I couldn’t get myself to go through yet another anecdote. Kerr claims his work is different because of research but his book is just a series of stories. Nothing wrong about that, but don’t try to say your book is different when it’s the same as the other stuff out there.
March 28, 2020
3.5 stars. A bit uneven but overall a nice choice for its comforting message for the terminally ill and their loved ones.
The author is a doctor at a hospice facility in Buffalo, NY and his book focuses on the dreams and visions of the dying and the role they play in helping to prepare someone to die. It sounds like one of those cheesy films from the 1970s about visions people had during near-death experiences but the book is actually grounded and credible. And don't worry, if you have a dream of some long lost relative or pet it's not a premonition of your impending doom; it's not that kind of book.
Kerr is at his best when he tells the stories of his patients. They're plain, simple and consoling. And the basic message is that the dreams and visions they experience shortly before their deaths serve to ready them and ease their transition to death. Some stories will resonate more than others and a few may make you choke up.
Kerr is less successful when he philosophizes (it was slightly overwrought and marginally gratuitous) and writes in medical jargon. He doesn't get technical very often but the problem is that he doesn't explain the medical particulars very well, it's all just sort of there. The first chapter or two were just okay, the book improves as it moves along. There are no statistics, I have no idea how common these dreams and visions are in the terminally ill.
I was pleased and impressed with the opening dedication to the strong women in the author's life. It seemed genuine and heartfelt and was another positive aspect of the book.
The author is a doctor at a hospice facility in Buffalo, NY and his book focuses on the dreams and visions of the dying and the role they play in helping to prepare someone to die. It sounds like one of those cheesy films from the 1970s about visions people had during near-death experiences but the book is actually grounded and credible. And don't worry, if you have a dream of some long lost relative or pet it's not a premonition of your impending doom; it's not that kind of book.
Kerr is at his best when he tells the stories of his patients. They're plain, simple and consoling. And the basic message is that the dreams and visions they experience shortly before their deaths serve to ready them and ease their transition to death. Some stories will resonate more than others and a few may make you choke up.
Kerr is less successful when he philosophizes (it was slightly overwrought and marginally gratuitous) and writes in medical jargon. He doesn't get technical very often but the problem is that he doesn't explain the medical particulars very well, it's all just sort of there. The first chapter or two were just okay, the book improves as it moves along. There are no statistics, I have no idea how common these dreams and visions are in the terminally ill.
I was pleased and impressed with the opening dedication to the strong women in the author's life. It seemed genuine and heartfelt and was another positive aspect of the book.
March 10, 2020
Disturbing to read the review by Angela Russo. The fact that someone can render such strong opinions that are refuted by fact is wrong. Angela please read the chapter on the cop which begins by saying that nothing in this book is meant to suggest that all end of life experiences are are pleasant, in fact 18% aren’t. If you don’t believe the author maybe you can read The NY Times article in which the reporter actually interviewed the cop. If that isn’t enough data for you maybe watch the hours of patient video or check out the documentary or upcoming Netflix production, all of which are referenced in the book. While critical thought is admirable, down right ignorance and gum flapping isn’t. Stick to books with pictures.
August 1, 2020
"My unlikely journey to medical school took an even stranger turn after I started working at Hospice Buffalo. Here, I was confronted by what I had tried to forget ever since childhood: the sight of dying patients with outstretched arms, reaching and calling out to their mothers, fathers, and children, many of whom had not been seen, touched, or heard for decades." - Kerr
This book centrally deals with a hospice doctor's observations on the mental state of the dying. But it is not a book to capture the anxieties but to specifically describe particular phenomena which can be found in the quote at the start of this review.
It seems that many people at the end of their life are not tourn with pain from leaving, but rather are caught up in a dream-like state a certain consoling delirium in where their mind comes to peace with their end. In this book, Kerr describes many of these patients, who in their final days perceive themselves to be visited by long-dead family members, pets, and old friends.
It is beautiful that in their final moments they do find peace. Some of the stories in the book are pretty gut-wrenching and powerful. They are sure to pull on most people's heart strings
This book centrally deals with a hospice doctor's observations on the mental state of the dying. But it is not a book to capture the anxieties but to specifically describe particular phenomena which can be found in the quote at the start of this review.
It seems that many people at the end of their life are not tourn with pain from leaving, but rather are caught up in a dream-like state a certain consoling delirium in where their mind comes to peace with their end. In this book, Kerr describes many of these patients, who in their final days perceive themselves to be visited by long-dead family members, pets, and old friends.
It is beautiful that in their final moments they do find peace. Some of the stories in the book are pretty gut-wrenching and powerful. They are sure to pull on most people's heart strings
June 20, 2020
This should be required reading for all sentient humans. While not overtly spiritual, Kerr has gotten to the nub of the issue from which many problems arise - our lack of understanding that eventually we all die. And the better we are prepared to face that fact will have nothing but positive effects on a whole raft of other problems.
May 22, 2020
A fellow reviewer recently pointed out that I read a lot of books on death and I suppose I do. Sleep and death - the eternal sleep - are two topics I've always been interested in but exploring them in audiobooks is a relatively new experience. It has nothing to do with the current pandemic sweeping the world; death happens every day.
In Death Is But a Dream - Finding Hope and Meaning at Life's End by Christopher Kerr, the author takes us through the experiences of patients in palliative and hospice care. Dr. Kerr interviewed more than 1,400 patients for this study and shares individual patient experiences with the reader, some of which were moving.
What might seem to family members as delusions, visions or signs of a patient losing their grip on reality, Kerr believes is proof of a process of dying his patients share and which brings them enormous comfort and relief at the end of their life.
Each patient is different but they often see loved ones long gone from this world who appear to encourage them to pass on into the next. Themes of forgiveness and grace are common, as is a reluctance to leave loved ones behind.
If you're a skeptic or you don't believe in life after death, this book won't change your mind; nor does it set out to. It's not that kind of book. It's for those who may have some experience with the passing of a loved one, or a general curiosity about the dying process and the often unexplained experiences that go along with it.
Will Death Is But a Dream bring comfort to those with a terminal illness, or facing the decision to admit a loved one to a hospice? I'm not sure. What is clear after listening to these various stories is that love unites us all. No matter what kind of life we have lived, our departure may vary, but love in all its forms remains the primary concern until - and beyond - the last breath.
In Death Is But a Dream - Finding Hope and Meaning at Life's End by Christopher Kerr, the author takes us through the experiences of patients in palliative and hospice care. Dr. Kerr interviewed more than 1,400 patients for this study and shares individual patient experiences with the reader, some of which were moving.
What might seem to family members as delusions, visions or signs of a patient losing their grip on reality, Kerr believes is proof of a process of dying his patients share and which brings them enormous comfort and relief at the end of their life.
Each patient is different but they often see loved ones long gone from this world who appear to encourage them to pass on into the next. Themes of forgiveness and grace are common, as is a reluctance to leave loved ones behind.
If you're a skeptic or you don't believe in life after death, this book won't change your mind; nor does it set out to. It's not that kind of book. It's for those who may have some experience with the passing of a loved one, or a general curiosity about the dying process and the often unexplained experiences that go along with it.
Will Death Is But a Dream bring comfort to those with a terminal illness, or facing the decision to admit a loved one to a hospice? I'm not sure. What is clear after listening to these various stories is that love unites us all. No matter what kind of life we have lived, our departure may vary, but love in all its forms remains the primary concern until - and beyond - the last breath.
February 27, 2024
I learned of Dr Kerr and his TED Talk and documentary very recently, then discovered his book. I wish I had read it months and months ago, and certainly sooner than just 9 days after my sweet dad's passing. This book is full of touching and inspiring stories from Dr Kerr's work as a hospice doctor and CEO. In a way, it is like his love letter to a handful of his patients, his appreciation for what the experience of knowing them has given him, and his offer to all of us around what end-of-life journeys can teach us. Beautiful.
January 28, 2024
I have heard of many dying people who see their departed loved ones waiting for them, and providing comfort. I wasn't aware however that there is already medical literature on this phenomenon and that far from being an anecdote this is the norm. “This book is a plea: we need to bring doctors back to the bedside, to their roots as comforters of the ill rather than as technicians trying to extend life at all costs. In this world where dying is seen as failure or giving up, we are in dire need of more stories about the importance of knowing when to let go and how to help the people about to pass. As the author astutely puts it: “patients were suffering not from treatment failure but from a failure to treat”
I was therefore excited to read about a clinical study focusing on end-of-life experiences. A focus on patients’ stories and dreams was very appropriate. However the book became repetitive in the second-half. Ideas and concepts already explained were repeated in less impactful language. At one point I felt the need to see a few numbers or clinical observations in addition to the patients’ stories. The author made it clear he wanted to focus on the patients, but in that case the book only needed to be about half as long. I was also confused about the distinction between lucid dreaming and hallucination, and I would have appreciated an explanation on how the investigators distinguished between the two. Furthermore, I was a bit uncomfortable about the authors attitude toward the “dirty cop” patient who seemed to defy his observations on end of life dreams focusing on positive experiences. While I appreciated how these pre death dreams helped the cop atone and redeem some of his relationships, and I was happy he found peace, I found it extremely distasteful that the author tried to imply a dirty cop is ultimately still a good person. I would need to hear more about how and why this person beat up witnesses and planted evidence, and who ended up convicted as a result, before I consider him a good person. He may have passed, but it's possible his victims are still suffering from his actions. More tact would have been appreciated in these discussions on end-of-life experiences for people who had a spotty, unlawful, or maybe even evil past.
Ultimately an interesting read, but its subjectivity makes me wonder what was left on the cutting room’s floor.
I was therefore excited to read about a clinical study focusing on end-of-life experiences. A focus on patients’ stories and dreams was very appropriate. However the book became repetitive in the second-half. Ideas and concepts already explained were repeated in less impactful language. At one point I felt the need to see a few numbers or clinical observations in addition to the patients’ stories. The author made it clear he wanted to focus on the patients, but in that case the book only needed to be about half as long. I was also confused about the distinction between lucid dreaming and hallucination, and I would have appreciated an explanation on how the investigators distinguished between the two. Furthermore, I was a bit uncomfortable about the authors attitude toward the “dirty cop” patient who seemed to defy his observations on end of life dreams focusing on positive experiences. While I appreciated how these pre death dreams helped the cop atone and redeem some of his relationships, and I was happy he found peace, I found it extremely distasteful that the author tried to imply a dirty cop is ultimately still a good person. I would need to hear more about how and why this person beat up witnesses and planted evidence, and who ended up convicted as a result, before I consider him a good person. He may have passed, but it's possible his victims are still suffering from his actions. More tact would have been appreciated in these discussions on end-of-life experiences for people who had a spotty, unlawful, or maybe even evil past.
Ultimately an interesting read, but its subjectivity makes me wonder what was left on the cutting room’s floor.
July 30, 2022
I’m sure that my rating is skewed by the fact that my husband is currently at Hospice Buffalo; but nevertheless I found great comfort in reading about Dr Kerr’s patients and their end of life experiences. Heart warming book. ❤️
January 22, 2021
The writing style didn't always engage me but the subject matter and participants' stories certainly did.
January 20, 2023
I really loved this book.
Having lost friends, family , my parents. This book brings to mind so many end of life experiences and memories I have and gave them weight, validated them . There is a change that comes near the end and it can cause remarkable things. Perspectives change and experiences can be so jolting or mysterious.In my experience the heart of it all is love. For those here and those departed , we never lose connection. I can close my eyes and be right back at mothers bedside her last months, years, her last day. Somehow this book gave me a bit of renewed peace and comfort that what I hoped for mom , and others, was better than the pain I felt of losing them …that love enveloped them as it will us all. I have the greatest hope for those who passed alone were in fact surrounded in love and not isolation or panic.I felt the author expressed the stories he shared with such emotive language , it was in fact uplifting .
Having lost friends, family , my parents. This book brings to mind so many end of life experiences and memories I have and gave them weight, validated them . There is a change that comes near the end and it can cause remarkable things. Perspectives change and experiences can be so jolting or mysterious.In my experience the heart of it all is love. For those here and those departed , we never lose connection. I can close my eyes and be right back at mothers bedside her last months, years, her last day. Somehow this book gave me a bit of renewed peace and comfort that what I hoped for mom , and others, was better than the pain I felt of losing them …that love enveloped them as it will us all. I have the greatest hope for those who passed alone were in fact surrounded in love and not isolation or panic.I felt the author expressed the stories he shared with such emotive language , it was in fact uplifting .
March 8, 2023
I just started Hospice volunteering and this book came at a great time. It’s about how the author came into this work, how it changed his life. Each chapter tells the story of a dying person’s experiences. Dreams, visions, visitors. That is, from the other side. It is important to honor these experiences, to center the person. They are often the most powerful, beautiful times in a life—to the dying, and those they leave behind. Recommend!
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June 6, 2020Firstly, I think I read this at the wrong time.
I didn't really know what I thought this was about going in but it wasn't what I expected.
Would I recommend this? Probably. But! I would say that if you have the choice to read it physically because I don't think I got the full experience through the audiobook.
I didn't really know what I thought this was about going in but it wasn't what I expected.
Would I recommend this? Probably. But! I would say that if you have the choice to read it physically because I don't think I got the full experience through the audiobook.
October 16, 2025
I am so glad I read this book, which was recommended on a book podcast. I would not have picked it up without the recommendation and it is fairly heavy emotionally and I wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone.
October 12, 2021
©2020 Private collection
Christopher Kerr is a hospice doctor in Buffalo NY. This study looks at the dreams of those in hospice care.
Christopher Kerr is a hospice doctor in Buffalo NY. This study looks at the dreams of those in hospice care.
March 12, 2020
I have the privilege of knowing Dr. Christopher Kerr. There are few people, if any, that I respect more. His book "Death is But a Dream" is an educational, moving and inspirational work on a shamefully long-overdue topic. Our medical system is sorely lacking, from initial education of professionals on down. Dr. Kerr's work has the potential to make the cultural shift our society is in desperate need of. I have walked with several on their journey to what lies beyond this life. I wish I would have had this knowledge before so I could have done a better job of helping folks find their peace. I can't speak highly enough of the book and feel even more strongly about the author and the integrity that he exudes as a doctor and a human being.
March 21, 2024
Dreams of the dying. End of life experiences. Comfort and reconciliation.
4.5
"In examining disease, we gain wisdom about anatomy and physiology and biology. In examining the person with disease, we gain wisdom about life."
- Oliver Sacks
"As illness advances, grace and grit collide and bring new insight to those dying and their loved ones, insight that is often paradoxically life-affirming. This experience includes pre-death dreams and visions that are manifestations of this time of integration and coming into oneself. These are powerful and stirring experiences that occur in the last days or hours of life and that constitute moments of genuine insight and vivid re-centering for patients. They often mark a clear transition from distress to acceptance, a sense of tranquility and wholenss for the dying.
Doctors owe it to their patients to incorporate this awareness into their practice. End-of-life experiences ought to be recognized as evidence of the life-affirming and inspiring resilience of the human spirit that drives them... They help restore meaning at end of life and assist in reclaiming dying as a process in which patients have a say. They also benefit those left behind, the bereaved, who get relief from seeing their loved ones die with a sense of peace and closure.
The prejudices of present-day medical training have caused an inability to see dying as anything but failure, and they compromise the self-soothing power of patients' end-of-life experiences.
... medical staff should lead the way instead of denying or merely medicating these powerful end-of-life experiences.
... I knew that to convince my colleagues to change their ways, we would have to translate end-of-life experiences into a language they understood, the language of evidence-based research.
By letting patients themselves tell us what they need and value the most, we can humanize the end-of-life process.
It is because pre-death dreams are atypical that they are less amenable to the kind of interpretation applied to regular dreams. There is less symbolism, less abstraction, fewer behind-the-scene or underlying meanings. Very little is said between the dreamer and the people in the dream, while much is felt and inherently understood."
► I'm Still Here: A Breakthrough Approach to Understanding Someone Living with Alzheimer's by John Zeisel – Alzheimer's, living in the moment, art
► Learning to Speak Alzheimer's: A Groundbreaking Approach for Everyone Dealing with the Disease by Joanne Koenig Coste – Alzheimer's, communication, living environment
► Creative Engagement: A Handbook of Activities for People with Dementia by Rachael Wonderlin – dementia, activities, empathy
► The Art of Making Memories: How to Create and Remember Happy Moments by Meik Wiking – memory, happiness, Alzheimer's
► With the End in Mind: Dying, Death, and Wisdom in an Age of Denial by Kathryn Mannix – dying, medical professionals
► The Beginner's Guide to Dream Interpretation: Uncover the Hidden Riches of Your Dreams by Clarissa Pinkola Estés – dreams, interpretation, recurring
► The Secret Language of Dreams: A Visual Key to Dreams and Their Meanings by David Fontana – dreams, interpretation, symbols
► Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth by Robert A. Johnson – dreams, rituals, imagination
4.5
"In examining disease, we gain wisdom about anatomy and physiology and biology. In examining the person with disease, we gain wisdom about life."
- Oliver Sacks
"As illness advances, grace and grit collide and bring new insight to those dying and their loved ones, insight that is often paradoxically life-affirming. This experience includes pre-death dreams and visions that are manifestations of this time of integration and coming into oneself. These are powerful and stirring experiences that occur in the last days or hours of life and that constitute moments of genuine insight and vivid re-centering for patients. They often mark a clear transition from distress to acceptance, a sense of tranquility and wholenss for the dying.
Doctors owe it to their patients to incorporate this awareness into their practice. End-of-life experiences ought to be recognized as evidence of the life-affirming and inspiring resilience of the human spirit that drives them... They help restore meaning at end of life and assist in reclaiming dying as a process in which patients have a say. They also benefit those left behind, the bereaved, who get relief from seeing their loved ones die with a sense of peace and closure.
The prejudices of present-day medical training have caused an inability to see dying as anything but failure, and they compromise the self-soothing power of patients' end-of-life experiences.
... medical staff should lead the way instead of denying or merely medicating these powerful end-of-life experiences.
... I knew that to convince my colleagues to change their ways, we would have to translate end-of-life experiences into a language they understood, the language of evidence-based research.
By letting patients themselves tell us what they need and value the most, we can humanize the end-of-life process.
It is because pre-death dreams are atypical that they are less amenable to the kind of interpretation applied to regular dreams. There is less symbolism, less abstraction, fewer behind-the-scene or underlying meanings. Very little is said between the dreamer and the people in the dream, while much is felt and inherently understood."
► I'm Still Here: A Breakthrough Approach to Understanding Someone Living with Alzheimer's by John Zeisel – Alzheimer's, living in the moment, art
► Learning to Speak Alzheimer's: A Groundbreaking Approach for Everyone Dealing with the Disease by Joanne Koenig Coste – Alzheimer's, communication, living environment
► Creative Engagement: A Handbook of Activities for People with Dementia by Rachael Wonderlin – dementia, activities, empathy
► The Art of Making Memories: How to Create and Remember Happy Moments by Meik Wiking – memory, happiness, Alzheimer's
► With the End in Mind: Dying, Death, and Wisdom in an Age of Denial by Kathryn Mannix – dying, medical professionals
► The Beginner's Guide to Dream Interpretation: Uncover the Hidden Riches of Your Dreams by Clarissa Pinkola Estés – dreams, interpretation, recurring
► The Secret Language of Dreams: A Visual Key to Dreams and Their Meanings by David Fontana – dreams, interpretation, symbols
► Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth by Robert A. Johnson – dreams, rituals, imagination
November 21, 2021
لعلّ الكتاب لا يستحق ⭐⭐⭐⭐ لكنّه مختلف، أو -ولكي أكون أكثر دقةً- هو جديد بالنسبة لي..
الكتاب يتحدّث عن أحلام ورؤى فترة الاحتضار. الاحتضار، لا يُراد به اللحظات الأخيرة قبل الموت، وإنّما الفترة الممتدة من امتلاك الوعي بقرب الموت حتى النهاية. الكاتب ومن خلال تجربته وإحصاءاته، يحاول (المؤلف) أن يبتعد عن عقلانيّة الطب التي تنتج نوعًا من الغرور على حساب التجربة الإنسانيّة الحميميّة؛ ففترة الاحتضار كثيرًا ما تكون قمةً في الصفاء ومراجعة الحياة ومواقفها؛ ليحصل من خلالها الإنسان على راحة عظيمة.
المريض، في تلك الحالة يحتاج العائلة والتسامح أكثر من أيّة علاجاتٍ (أغلب الأمريكيين يرغبون في الموت في منازلهم ووسط عائلاتهم، لكنّ أ
معظمهم وللأسف، يموتون على أسرة المستشفيات!.)، يحاول تعويض ما فاته من خلال رؤاه ويستحضر مَنْ يُحب ويلتقي بمَنْ يرغب، ويعيد أو يصحح كثيرًا من مشاهد حياته، قد تجد في ذلك علاقة بالتحليل النفسي لفرويد أو علم النفس التحليلي ليونغ، لكنّ المؤلف سينكر عليك ذلك؛ فهو لا يريد أن يفهم أو يحلل ذلك؛ فالمحتضر يكون قد فاته الوقت، كلّ ما يريده المحتضر هو أن يحظى بالصفاء الروحي، وكلمة الروح هنا لا تتعلّق بأيّة امتدادات دينيّة أو ما بعد الموت؛ حتى أنّ هواجس ما قبل الموت ليست دينيّة في معظمها...
الكتاب، هو دعوة للتخفيف عن أولئك الذين في نهاية حياتهم ومساعدتهم في طي الصفحة الأخيرة بسلام (ليست كلّ رؤى وأحلام الاستحضار جميلة فبعضها مرعب وإن كان بنسبة أقل...)، وقبل ذلك لمراجعة أنفسنا والتمسك بكلّ ما هو إنسانيّ.
الكتاب يتحدّث عن أحلام ورؤى فترة الاحتضار. الاحتضار، لا يُراد به اللحظات الأخيرة قبل الموت، وإنّما الفترة الممتدة من امتلاك الوعي بقرب الموت حتى النهاية. الكاتب ومن خلال تجربته وإحصاءاته، يحاول (المؤلف) أن يبتعد عن عقلانيّة الطب التي تنتج نوعًا من الغرور على حساب التجربة الإنسانيّة الحميميّة؛ ففترة الاحتضار كثيرًا ما تكون قمةً في الصفاء ومراجعة الحياة ومواقفها؛ ليحصل من خلالها الإنسان على راحة عظيمة.
المريض، في تلك الحالة يحتاج العائلة والتسامح أكثر من أيّة علاجاتٍ (أغلب الأمريكيين يرغبون في الموت في منازلهم ووسط عائلاتهم، لكنّ أ
معظمهم وللأسف، يموتون على أسرة المستشفيات!.)، يحاول تعويض ما فاته من خلال رؤاه ويستحضر مَنْ يُحب ويلتقي بمَنْ يرغب، ويعيد أو يصحح كثيرًا من مشاهد حياته، قد تجد في ذلك علاقة بالتحليل النفسي لفرويد أو علم النفس التحليلي ليونغ، لكنّ المؤلف سينكر عليك ذلك؛ فهو لا يريد أن يفهم أو يحلل ذلك؛ فالمحتضر يكون قد فاته الوقت، كلّ ما يريده المحتضر هو أن يحظى بالصفاء الروحي، وكلمة الروح هنا لا تتعلّق بأيّة امتدادات دينيّة أو ما بعد الموت؛ حتى أنّ هواجس ما قبل الموت ليست دينيّة في معظمها...
الكتاب، هو دعوة للتخفيف عن أولئك الذين في نهاية حياتهم ومساعدتهم في طي الصفحة الأخيرة بسلام (ليست كلّ رؤى وأحلام الاستحضار جميلة فبعضها مرعب وإن كان بنسبة أقل...)، وقبل ذلك لمراجعة أنفسنا والتمسك بكلّ ما هو إنسانيّ.
February 21, 2021
I started reading this book the day that I bought it on February 6, 2021. It deals with pre-death dreams and how terminally ill patients react to them. Science cannot explain the phenomenon that happens universally for those awaiting their forever. It was beautifully written with sensitivity to the patients past and present. To expect a book about pre-death dreams to be more than that is being insensitive to the intent of the author. I found this book very fascinating and educational.
June 26, 2020
The book reads like the first draft of an Mitch Albom novel. It was story after story and it becomes tiring with no end in sight. Don’t get me wrong, some of them were touching. It was too much of it. Did anyone ( an editor??????????) think to stop the author from writing so much? The book had potential.
November 9, 2022
2.5-3*
I loved the premise and main insights from the book, it just fell a little bit short for me on the writing style and how it was put together. Ultimately felt like what was said could have been presented in a more condensed way.
I loved the premise and main insights from the book, it just fell a little bit short for me on the writing style and how it was put together. Ultimately felt like what was said could have been presented in a more condensed way.
January 27, 2020
Surprisingly good book. I appreciated the rawness, the openness with which the author shared the stories in this book.
March 27, 2024
Kerr, a hospice physician, begins by pointing out that as a young doctor, he typically thought the most important thing was to keep people alive - at a minimum, conscious and breathing. He gave little thought to the way that individuals might wish to die. As he worked with terminally ill patients, he became aware, though, that in the face of death, individuals seek meaning in their lives, even as it comes to an end. Through dreams, that meaning often emerges and is comforting and insightful
Kerr write that doctors “owe it to their patients to incorporate this awareness into their practice. End-of-life experiences ought to be recognized as evidence of the life-affirming and inspiring resilience of the human spirit that drives. They assist in reclaiming dying in which patients have a say. They also benefit those left behind.” Most of the book is made up of anecdotal accounts of the types of dreams that patients have had and the effect that the dreams have on them. It’s made clear, though, that these are not hallucinatory drug-caused dreams.
Often, these dreams involve the reconstruction of memories so that concerns bothering patients as they are dying can be altered to give some kind of peace. In one instance, a dying man who had suffered from insecurity all of life dreams that he is holding a bat and calling to his childhood friend to come and play. He was no longer frail but youthful and discovering a sense of adventure and purpose. There are more details to the dream, of course, but it indicates a reworking of the man’s life.
Another interesting instance was that of an aged woman who commented that she often felt that her children didn’t know her, and that was too late to change that. Her mother had died when she was nine years old and so she never really knew her own mother. In her dream, she sees her mother again, this time with a full dialogue taking place between them. She died peacefully.
Of course, not all dreams of the dying are pleasant ones, nor do individuals universally have dreams that influence them, but Kerr’s emphasis is on the healing dreams. Most of us, he points out, have clear boundaries between what we perceive as reality and the dream state of our unconscious inner lives. It is the act of dying, though, that merge and reconcile the two. And bring about a good death.
To summarize, he quotes from the physician Atui Gawande’s book, BEING MORTAL to emphasize that modern medical science “has rendered obsolete centuries of experience, tradition, and language about our mortality and created a new difficulty for mankind: how to die.” Malfunctioning body parts get treated one at a time, while the patient is his entirety of both physical and mental aspects. is often ignored. What Kerr does is to emphasize that humanity and to consider late life dreams as one aspect of recognizing that wholeness of the human being.
Kerr write that doctors “owe it to their patients to incorporate this awareness into their practice. End-of-life experiences ought to be recognized as evidence of the life-affirming and inspiring resilience of the human spirit that drives. They assist in reclaiming dying in which patients have a say. They also benefit those left behind.” Most of the book is made up of anecdotal accounts of the types of dreams that patients have had and the effect that the dreams have on them. It’s made clear, though, that these are not hallucinatory drug-caused dreams.
Often, these dreams involve the reconstruction of memories so that concerns bothering patients as they are dying can be altered to give some kind of peace. In one instance, a dying man who had suffered from insecurity all of life dreams that he is holding a bat and calling to his childhood friend to come and play. He was no longer frail but youthful and discovering a sense of adventure and purpose. There are more details to the dream, of course, but it indicates a reworking of the man’s life.
Another interesting instance was that of an aged woman who commented that she often felt that her children didn’t know her, and that was too late to change that. Her mother had died when she was nine years old and so she never really knew her own mother. In her dream, she sees her mother again, this time with a full dialogue taking place between them. She died peacefully.
Of course, not all dreams of the dying are pleasant ones, nor do individuals universally have dreams that influence them, but Kerr’s emphasis is on the healing dreams. Most of us, he points out, have clear boundaries between what we perceive as reality and the dream state of our unconscious inner lives. It is the act of dying, though, that merge and reconcile the two. And bring about a good death.
To summarize, he quotes from the physician Atui Gawande’s book, BEING MORTAL to emphasize that modern medical science “has rendered obsolete centuries of experience, tradition, and language about our mortality and created a new difficulty for mankind: how to die.” Malfunctioning body parts get treated one at a time, while the patient is his entirety of both physical and mental aspects. is often ignored. What Kerr does is to emphasize that humanity and to consider late life dreams as one aspect of recognizing that wholeness of the human being.
September 5, 2024
This book came as an find based on circumstance. My mother had been in the hospital suffering from many conditions that brought her to a point where she started experiencing delirium and eventually end of life experiences. My sister shared death visions that she found on the Internet.. I searched and look for similar articles that led me to end of life experiences. In one of them, it led me to this book. By the time that I’d began reading this book, my mother was already experiencing end of life experiences. I managed to read the first two or three chapters before she passed away, but continued reading the book afterwards really understanding how her experiences were noted within this book. I will say that the first three chapters helped me understand what was happening to my mother. I wish I had started reading this book earlier to better have seen and understood the whole process as it was taking place. This book hit on many different end of life experiences. Some that were religious and others that were more connections with deceased relatives and pets. It showed how that non-religious people could have a religious end of life experience. it also showed how young children, older adults and young adults could experience the same type of end of life experiences. It definitely expressed a different set of experiences based on what the person needed. Some people needed to be able to close their life out, by fixing things that need to be fixed at the end of life. Others had a religious experience and others just found himself among friends. Even though the doctor express that very few of the end of life experiences were religious in nature, I believe that he didn’t understand what some of the experiences were about. Every experience he expressed to me seemed religious in nature. Religious in the terms of God or angels or family members waiting to welcome you into the afterlife.. How he could see these things and not understand the religious connotation in each one of these scenarios is beyond me. However, obtuse his observations were in some areas, the book was excellent in helping someone understand what happens at the end of life and how someone transitions into the afterlife.
September 10, 2022
Earlier this year I companioned a dying man who was experiencing the most profound and often distressing end-of life-visions. In the month before his death, Mr. R was having daily conversations with his beloved dead. Weeks before his death, Mr. R’s visitations with the dead turned to agitation. He was particularly worried that he would miss his ride if he didn’t get out of that darned bed and outside. He talked ceaselessly of packing his suitcase, catching his ride, getting on the train and often of the dead friend waiting for him.
Over the months of companioning this charismatic gentleman, I grew close to his wife and caretaker. When Mr. R’s wife asked me why her husband was experiencing such vivid and constant visions, I found myself completely bereft of an explanation- I truly had no idea, no hypothesis, no folk wisdom, no theory from my training. My usual practice of extracting the answer to the question from the questioner was useless, we were all completely clueless. But I promised her I would try my hardest to find out and with this book, I have more of an idea though still much more reverence for the mystery than any certainty.
Dr. Christopher Kerr recounts over 1200 end-of-life visions that he compiled in his work as a hospice physician. In “Death Is But A Dream”, Dr. Kerr suggests that not only are end-of-life visions common but they are also integral in the journey of the dying person: “These end-of-life experiences help patients restore meaning, make sense of the dying process and assist in reclaiming it as an experience in which they have a say”.
I highly recommend this book to anyone curious about end-of-life visions. There are also excellent chapters on dying children, supporting those who are neurodivergent, and a truly beautiful chapter on caring for a dying person who has been married for many, many years.
Read this book if you:
🦋Love to read the candid stories of the dying
🦋Are curious about end-of-life visions
🦋In need of a good cry
🦋Grieving and seeking clarity on phenomena you observed
🦋Enjoy book/movie combinations - the documentary is also great!
Read more on IG:@the.farewell.library
Over the months of companioning this charismatic gentleman, I grew close to his wife and caretaker. When Mr. R’s wife asked me why her husband was experiencing such vivid and constant visions, I found myself completely bereft of an explanation- I truly had no idea, no hypothesis, no folk wisdom, no theory from my training. My usual practice of extracting the answer to the question from the questioner was useless, we were all completely clueless. But I promised her I would try my hardest to find out and with this book, I have more of an idea though still much more reverence for the mystery than any certainty.
Dr. Christopher Kerr recounts over 1200 end-of-life visions that he compiled in his work as a hospice physician. In “Death Is But A Dream”, Dr. Kerr suggests that not only are end-of-life visions common but they are also integral in the journey of the dying person: “These end-of-life experiences help patients restore meaning, make sense of the dying process and assist in reclaiming it as an experience in which they have a say”.
I highly recommend this book to anyone curious about end-of-life visions. There are also excellent chapters on dying children, supporting those who are neurodivergent, and a truly beautiful chapter on caring for a dying person who has been married for many, many years.
Read this book if you:
🦋Love to read the candid stories of the dying
🦋Are curious about end-of-life visions
🦋In need of a good cry
🦋Grieving and seeking clarity on phenomena you observed
🦋Enjoy book/movie combinations - the documentary is also great!
Read more on IG:@the.farewell.library
March 18, 2024
Many years ago, I read “The Hour of Our Death,” Philip Aries’ consideration of the way our attitude toward death has shifted over the centuries. What I remember most clearly is the author’s telling of how death slowly changed from a communal to a private to an institutional experience, and how, as the science of medicine advanced, death came to be seen as an enemy to be opposed at all cost. Its only relatively recently that we’ve begun to see what that cost is. Atul Gawande’s “Being Mortal” offers a strong argument for valuing the quality of life rather than its duration. And in “Death is but a Dream,” Christopher Kerr provides us with a unique view of the healing power of the near-death dreams and visions of hospice patients. The healing is not physical. Death comes to us all – not always fairly and sometimes too soon – but these visions can provide closure and resolution for both the dying and their families. Kerr does not present these dreams as proof of God or the afterlife. Rather, he sees it as more than sufficient that the visions of dying patients (which are distinct from dementia or medication-induced delirium) can provide comfort or at least resolution. Children dream of beloved pets who are waiting for them; soldiers who have suffered a life-time of PTSD, are thanked by their dead buddies for trying to save them; survivors of the Holocaust return to a time before the war, where their families were whole and joy filled the home. Forgiveness is asked and is given. This is a hopeful book that, to paraphrase Hamlet, asks what dreams may come before we have shuffled off this mortal coil.
January 16, 2023
I read this book after being introduced to the author during University of Vermont's end-of-life doula training in winter 2022.
Favorite passages:
"A true holistic approach to patient care must also honor and facilitate patients’ subjective experiences and allow them to transform the dying process from a story of mere physical decline to one of spiritual ascension."
"Pre-death dreams and visions are much more discriminating than the saying 'We die as we live' may intimate. They do not appropriate past events wholesale. While summoning up familiar territory, they cut out distressing elements, embellish empowering ones, and provide they dying person with the visions and re-visions they most need to make a peaceful transition. They may stage the reliving of a trauma, but it is typically in such a way as to transcend its debilitating effects."
Sadly, these two passages reminded me of my sister's death in March 2022:
"Michele did not know -- did not really want to know -- if her child was dying. Her mother’s instinct had so much as told her, but no one had actually clarified things for her. She remained confused as to the when and the how. She was lost on a journey without a map, grieving while confused by the spiral of modern medicine, which failed to provide the open and direct communication she needed most."
"Health care often resembles an assembly line of highly technological and specialized medical interventions whose fragmented workings can leave grieving families guessing."
Favorite passages:
"A true holistic approach to patient care must also honor and facilitate patients’ subjective experiences and allow them to transform the dying process from a story of mere physical decline to one of spiritual ascension."
"Pre-death dreams and visions are much more discriminating than the saying 'We die as we live' may intimate. They do not appropriate past events wholesale. While summoning up familiar territory, they cut out distressing elements, embellish empowering ones, and provide they dying person with the visions and re-visions they most need to make a peaceful transition. They may stage the reliving of a trauma, but it is typically in such a way as to transcend its debilitating effects."
Sadly, these two passages reminded me of my sister's death in March 2022:
"Michele did not know -- did not really want to know -- if her child was dying. Her mother’s instinct had so much as told her, but no one had actually clarified things for her. She remained confused as to the when and the how. She was lost on a journey without a map, grieving while confused by the spiral of modern medicine, which failed to provide the open and direct communication she needed most."
"Health care often resembles an assembly line of highly technological and specialized medical interventions whose fragmented workings can leave grieving families guessing."
July 23, 2022
I heard Chris Kerr speak on the Art of Manliness Podcast and was captivated by his description of his experiences of watching people die as a Palliative Care Doctor. I professionally have only had passing contact with Palliative Care.
The strongest heuristic was you die as you live. This was most starkly told with the stories of a cop and a thief. The cop had dreams that tormented him of the ethical transgression he made during his career. Things he kept secret until death was upon him. The thief had killed a number of people in self defence, stolen, and treated those closest to him poorly in support of his life long drug habit. He was tormented be things he acknowledged. In the end both found peace as they died. All I could think of was penance, that maybe the concept of penance was developed from the ancestors watching people die.
The other stories were optimistic as long lost loved ones appeared in dreams as comforting guides towards death. It was optimistic and had me thinking about who will visit me just before my death. The importance of living honourably was another lesson. It made me curious about doing some work in Palliative Care as the skills I have developed as a Psychotherapist seem to be relevant to the dying process. Maybe something for the future. It is well written and I feel comforted that I death is not something to be feared.
The strongest heuristic was you die as you live. This was most starkly told with the stories of a cop and a thief. The cop had dreams that tormented him of the ethical transgression he made during his career. Things he kept secret until death was upon him. The thief had killed a number of people in self defence, stolen, and treated those closest to him poorly in support of his life long drug habit. He was tormented be things he acknowledged. In the end both found peace as they died. All I could think of was penance, that maybe the concept of penance was developed from the ancestors watching people die.
The other stories were optimistic as long lost loved ones appeared in dreams as comforting guides towards death. It was optimistic and had me thinking about who will visit me just before my death. The importance of living honourably was another lesson. It made me curious about doing some work in Palliative Care as the skills I have developed as a Psychotherapist seem to be relevant to the dying process. Maybe something for the future. It is well written and I feel comforted that I death is not something to be feared.
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