In the Shadow of the Valley: A Memoir

by Bobi Conn

A clear-eyed and compassionate memoir of the Appalachian experience by a woman who embraced its astonishing beauty, narrowly escaped its violence, and struggles to call it home.

Bobi Conn was raised in a remote Kentucky holler in 1980s Appalachia. She remembers her tin-roofed house tucked away in a vast forest paradise; the sparkling creeks, with their frogs and crawdads; the sweet blackberries growing along the road to her granny’s; and her abusive father, an underemployed alcoholic whose untethered rage and violence against Bobi and her mother were frighteningly typical of a community marginalized, desperate, and ignored. Bobi’s rule of survival: always be vigilant but endure it silently.

Slipping away from home, Bobi went to college and got a white-collar job. Mistrusted by her family for her progress and condescended to by peers for her accent and her history, she was followed by the markers of her class. Though she carried her childhood self everywhere, Bobi also finally found her voice.

An elegiac account of survival despite being born poor, female, and cloistered, Bobi’s testament is one of hope for all vulnerable populations, particularly women and girls caught in the cycle of poverty and abuse. On a continual path to worth, autonomy, and reinvention, Conn proves here that “the storyteller is the one with power.”

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Biography, Autobiography, Ebooks, Mental Health

296 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 1, 2020

About the author

Bobi Conn was born in Morehead, Kentucky, and raised in a nearby holler, where she developed a deep connection with the land and her Appalachian roots. She obtained her bachelor's degree at Berea College, the first school in the American South to integrate racially and to teach men and women in the same classrooms. After struggling as a single mother, she worked multiple part-time jobs at once to support her son and to attend graduate school, where she earned a master's degree in English with an emphasis in creative writing. In addition to writing, Bobi loves playing pool, cooking, being in the woods, attempting to grow a garden, and spending time with her incredible children.

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Over all, this book would have benefitted from some serious editing. The story, heartbreakingly sad and difficult, is told in such a haphazard and circuitous way that it is almost impossible to build up any kind of righteous anger or sympathy, or feeling for the author and her plight. Conn’s prose is accomplished, even luminous in places, but the storytelling is uneven - too much detail in places, and then pieces of the story which needed to be fleshed out were left with no clarification of events. A good portion of the book reads like the standard phrases offered and encouraged by therapists - not a bad thing, but these stock ideas can’t replace deep feeling, which I felt was also missing from the narrative - perhaps because it was told in a looping repetitive way which detracted from the build-up of emotion. I commend the author for overcoming a difficult childhood, and for writing it down and putting out into the world, which is never an easy thing to do - this was an interesting look at a difficult life, but not as compelling a story as it may have been with some careful editing.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this to be an interesting memoir by Bobi Conn, who grew up in small town Kentucky. It’s actually a holler in Kentucky, growing up with her dysfunctional family, she shares what it was like, along with the beauty of the area. She also shares what her life is like later, as she struggles to have a better life, going to college, then teaching. Not letting life suck her under. An interesting voice.. I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway, in a Kindle edition. Published by Little A.

[Darcia Helle · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, wow. This book packs one hell of an emotional punch.

Bobi Conn writes with an intimacy and raw honesty that I felt to my core. She's unflinchingly honest about her upbringing and the way those early years chased her through adulthood. I have immense respect both for her writing skills and for her willingness to lay it all out for us to see.

Appalachia comes alive on these pages, with its isolation, beauty, poverty, and unique culture. My heart broke for Bobi as a child, but also for the adults so completely trapped by their circumstances.

We humans are all too quick to judge those we consider "other," simply because we don't understand them. With this book, Conn lets us step inside a culture that has been closed off for most of us, and in doing so she shows us the humanity behind the stereotype.

[Steve Whitworth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although I had my own familial challenges growing up, the author’s situation was exponentially worse. However, the narrative of blaming her life situation and background instead of either learning from her mistakes or taking personal responsibility for her actions became tiring.

I have trouble believing anyone can be as naive as she claims. Two examples: 1. She just had no idea that, as a mother and a woman in her twenties, that sitting naked in front of men would cause men to look at her a certain way and upset her boyfriend at the time; 2. She had no idea that giving her address to two strangers in a bar so they could maybe come over later would upset her boyfriend at the time and possibly lead to unwanted circumstances. The book is full of stuff like this, and I just have a hard time believing that she could be that unassuming and naive.

It is most always interesting reading about people overcoming terrible experiences and I am glad the author persevered and obtained college degrees. I’m sure she had to overcome much to get to where she is today and is to be commended for trying to break the cycle of poverty for her family unit.

[Kymberli Ward · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I commend the author for persevering and achieving some success in her life, "In the Shadow of the Valley" was not a book I will recommend. Her childhood was horrific and for that, she most definitely has my empathy (yes, I said "empathy," not sympathy). And since she has accomplished much, I wonder at the vitriol she expresses toward pharmaceutical companies, government programs, etc., with regard to the Appalachian region. It may not appear so to the author, but the same dynamics take place in major cities and many rural areas all over the country, to suggest a few examples. It is curious that the very institutions that receive Ms. Conn's outrage are those which (I'm guessing) provided medical care, surgeries, food stamps, etc., for her "granny" and others. That is not to minimize the overprescribing of opiates … that's a horror most worthy of her (and many, many others') outrage.

However, I found the book to be very repetitive and, in several places where some clarity would have been welcome, there was none. She calls it her story and her history, yet there is very little history provided. I get it … my father was first generation and my grandparents did not talk about where they came from, how they survived, what happened … no, it simply was not spoken of. As I read, I kept thinking that when I turned the next page, there would be some answers, some clarification, but it never materialized. "In the Shadow of the Valley" is not a bad book. It does not, in my opinion, meet expectations.

[Vonda · Rating 2 out of 5]

A memoir set in the Appalacians that shows even with a terrible childhood, if you perservere and work hard you can still get ahead in life. This one just read a little too "poor me" for my liking.

[Lori Keeton · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the story of the author’s life of poverty and abuse at the hands of the men in her life. She ruminates on what a home is and what it is supposed to look like. She grew up in a violent and painful home, yet the surrounding landscape was the most beautiful place she knew – the “holler” full of danger. Conn tells her story which she calls her history in a reporting sort of way. She doesn’t give readers much to connect with or to empathize with in her storytelling. It was emotionless where a background like this would have been full of emotions. She “tells” of her experience with the “depressed economics” of this Appalachian area and its opiate addiction lifestyles. She faults herself with being silent during times when she may have gotten out to a better place. Her self-loathing did not work well in my opinion, but I suppose it demonstrates how some people will respond to life-altering situations they feel they have no control over.

She eventually gets herself to college and struggles with substance abuse and controlling men – these instances sabotage all she tries to do in getting an education. She takes two steps forward and 4 steps back so often!

There were some good observations about the place she grew up and of the people she knew then.
“A holler is a place … where the sun takes a little longer to show itself in the morning and falls to sleep behind the hills a little sooner. Someone’s always discovering the treasures buried in hollers — lumber, mineral rights, gas rights — and when they’re not ravaging the forests we explored as children… when they’re not ravaging our minds with OxyContin and cheap heroin and low-paying jobs and Mountain Dew and broken schools, it is us doing the ravaging.”

[🩶 April • A.M. Flynn • 🩶 · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Heartbreaking memoir.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I hate when good writing gets ruined by bad editing (or maybe a lack of editing). Conn's memoir is about her life growing up in a holler in Kentucky with an abusive father. She does a wonderful job being honest about how this abuse affected her as a child and then all the way into adulthood. She doesn't shy away from painful truths about her family (which is riddled with drug abuse and violence) and is able to make insightful connections about how generations of trauma and addiction have impacted everyone. However, there were some events that seemed significant that were swept over (sometimes maddeningly so), while other memories were bogged down in too much detail. In a book that's otherwise overtly honest, it felt confusing to leave out major events (how she decided to stop using substances herself, who the father of her daughter was, for example). I think a stronger editing job would have ironed out these downfalls, and then the reader would have been able to just inhabit her world a little better. Unfortunately, because the book seemed uneven and way too long, I couldn't fall in love with the memoir like I would have liked. Readers should check out "Educated" by Tara Westover for an example of a memoir with similar subject matter that just seemed to work way better than this one. But I still tip my hat to Conn for being brave enough to tell her story.

*Free ARC provided by Netgalley and Little A in exchange for an honest review*

[Norma Endersby · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a gut-wrenching story of how one little girl survived a childhood of abuse, desperate for love and acceptance. I couldn't put this book down; instead, reading it in one sitting, not unlike being unable to turn away from an accident. The whole time I thought there, but for the grace of God, go I.

My childhood was not particularly happy; fond memories are few and far between. I, too, knew poverty and what it was like not to have the things other children had ... to be looked down on ... but not Appalachian poverty, which makes me now realize how rich we really were by comparison. I also excelled in school because that was where I received and earned things my mother couldn't give me, i.e., self respect and self worth.

Unlike Bobi, my mouth was my worst enemy as I vented perceived inequities and hurts to whomever would listen; however, the best part was it also saved me many times.

I wish her every happiness and security in what is surely literary success. Her story will stay with me for a long time.

[Cookie M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read a fair number of memoirs by women who have grown up in poverty and abuse. I think I am often trying to find a connection to my own mother who was raised in deprivation and neglect during the Depression.
Many of these memoirs have a problem. Either they excuse their parents' misbehavior and weightlessness or they completely cast one or both parents as the devil incarnate, responsible for every untoward thing that happens to them forever.
Bobi Conn is clear eyed. She sees her parents for what they were, the situation she was raised for one that no one was equipped to change. Her father, a violent substance abuser was stacked by too many personal demons to be trusted, her mother, beaten down by years of living under the thumb of this man herself. The community she lived in was one where the rule was to mind your own business.
Through personal strength, love of certain peripheral people in her life and a driving intellectual creativity, Conn survived.
She is not able to understand everything that drove her parents to live the way they did, but she gained enough self awareness to assure that she and her children were much less likely to make the same mistakes.

I received this book free from Goodreads in exchange for an honest review.

[Craig Folcik · Rating 2 out of 5]

My true rating : 2.4 stars. Since this is a biography, I want to say the value of people’s lives is 5 stars, always.
I did not grow up poor or with violent family, and I was never hurt purposely growing up. I think that violence might change my perception. However, this book was written so negatively. Conn would write about her failure upon failure, and her negative view of life, even when I didn’t perceive the failure or negative view. I kind of feel depression is laced within the words; I imagine it’s the result of her trauma. I wish she had more reason for finding joy from her Granny, who she said loved her very much, who she was close with. Sometimes she would say something like, ‘Granny couldn’t help because I didn’t want her help.’ There is no hope, until the last chapter, and i felt it to be rushed. I think her life had more value that she did.
I thought it was a book more about the hollers of Kentucky. It was more about the violence and drug addiction that so many in the area deal with.

[Jodi Robeson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book, but it was so repetitive. I love memoirs and books about the south and Appalachia, but this book could have been half the length and still made the same point. I do have a lot of respect for the author — her story is tragic no doubt and I’m happy she made it out and was able to write about it.

[Rick · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books, in my opinion, to come out of Amazon's publishing imprints. It's filled with wisdom, heartbreak, despair, joy...and hope. It's a portrayal of the resiliency of the human spirit and, while it chronicles one woman's growth, it's a story I believe we can all relate to. We're all broken and we can all find our paths on this journey we call life. Bobi Conn, I can't wait to read what you write next.

[Maureen · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author completely lost the thread at the 75% point. Finishing this book was frustrating and a slog. Have no idea even how this ended up on my list but definitely don’t recommend.

[Melissa Rotkiewicz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate this book for it's therapeutic value it had for the author. She told her powerful story well - she's a talented writer and has done a lot of work to get to where she is today and to process so much of her trauma. I only have it three starts, though, because of how dark this story was and I wasn't expecting that. The description didn't do it justice - honestly - I probably wouldn't have read it if I had known how dark it was going to be. I also was expecting more of the anthropological perspective the description seems to promise. Yes, she talked about it some, but there didn't seem to be much here that couldn't have happened (and does) in any poor, underresourced, undereducated community. I wanted more of what made this story unique to Appalachia.

[Carrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are parts of this book that are beautifully written; the description of the hills and woods of Appalachia are wonderful. Although there is cruelty in this book, it is told in a way that makes it somehow bearable; hard to read, for sure, but the perpetrator of the cruelty is not villainized. This is important because to understand you have to find characters relatable, even the villains.

However, the book was uneven, and I felt the editors could have done more to make the memoir tighter. There are lots of unnamed friends and circuitous stories that made me lose focus at times.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this Prime First reads pick but I abandoned it at about the 35% mark. I felt it had promise early on but it became apparent that it was a story in need of serious editing. The memories and events shared seemed disjointed, wandering, and many times confusing as to the timeline and order. Some details seemed misplaced and superfluous while others left me scratching my head and wondering if I missed something. I wanted to love it but it sadly fell short in delivery.

[Marzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

In an often heartbreaking memoir, author Bobi Conn captures the hard life in the Kentucky Appalachia, where so many struggle with a lack of opportunity and education, which in turn, all too often leads to substance abuse, domestic abuse, and criminal pursuit. Conn, raised in a family rife with substance, sexual, and domestic abuse, found school to be a valuable escape, providing her with an opportunity to build a fragile sense of accomplishment and self-esteem. Her dedication and excelling at school allowed her to escape the holler she was raised in and make her way to Berea College, eventually earning a master's degree and writing this memoir. It also created a schism in which her ability to bridge those two worlds- academia and the hollers she was raised in- finds her not quite fitting in either world. Judged for her accent and origins among "educated" people, she found her family and friends back home often reacted as if she now counted herself as better than them. Yet this memoir is a testament to the spirit and resilience of the people of the Appalachia, and in particular, a love letter to her grandmother, the one person in her life who offered her unconditional love and support.

With insights into the origins of both substance abuse and the opioid crisis in the Appalachia, and the terrible cycle of domestic violence, child abuse, and child sexual abuse, Bobi Conn paints a stark and poignant account of her life and how PTSD has often robbed her of her ability to safeguard herself. Having worked in the child welfare system for almost fifteen years, I found her account of how repeated abuse robs you of your ability to either expect or demand better treatment, robs you of your voice to self-advocate, or of your ability envision a path to a different life for yourself, as painful as it is authentic. Conn did eventually find her path to a better life, in large part because of her determination to make her children's lives better.

This memoir is not for the faint of heart. I strongly recommend the audiobook, narrated by the author herself. With shimmering descriptions of the beauty and hardships of life in rural Kentucky, Conn's memoir captures a slice of American life more of us should know.

[Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

"We walk through the world as if we are part of it, but our anguish constantly reminds us that the world neither loves nor wants things that are broken." Bobi Conn's memoir is about being broken and, for the most part unloved and unwanted. The abuse she suffers at the hands of her father may have not been unusual in Kentucky in the 1980's, but that did not make it any less painful to read about. The only saving grace in her young life was her Granny, but she could not keep the girl safe.

The book is about growing up and escaping. But the escape is something that has an overwhelming resistance. "And in the effort to save myself from all that entails, I looked everywhere - at church, in therapy, drugs, men. It turns out that putting someone back together is such more difficult than keeping them whole in the first place." "It would be a long time before I felt like I deserved a love that didn't hurt."

The writing was beautiful in many places and the story was compelling. But what was missing for me was exactly how the author went from her life of poverty and abuse to a college instructor and loving single mother. Even after leaving the holler and entering college, she did not succeed in breaking away from the drugs and self-destructive behavior. She alludes to therapy, but when that happened is a mystery. That whole process of her escape should have been an integral part of the memoir. We got the beginning and the end, but not so much the path between the two- the "putting someone back together."

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Is it weird to say that a memoir was too self-absorbed? Because it seems like this one was.

[The Ravishing Reader · Rating 2 out of 5]

Throughout this book I was thinking of the rating. I've never seen a memoir with a rating so low. Now I get it.
It is a solid book. The author describes so much sexual assault, abuse and neglect and I am so grateful she survived and prospered. I love how she evolved and broke the generational curse with her own kids.
I would rate this book a 2.5, here's why. There was a lot of back and forth that made the timeline difficult to follow. Then there was some things she wrapped up neatly like her Granny but others where she left us wondering what happened like with her brother. There were other times in the book that I was thinking she can't be that dumb or naive. That is not me being judgemental, that is me being on the outside and watching a horror film and telling the people "don't open the door" "don't go outside" because you know what is about to happen. I wish she had that spider sense to know something was off in some of this situations but I understand that we have had two totally different upbringing.
She also blames Big Pharma for alot of the problems in Appalachia which i think is a little misguided. I don't agree with her but I also don't live there. i am a person with a nerve condition who lives in constant pain. I have been taking muscle relaxers and opiates for the years now. I still work, I have my own apartment, I take care of myself and I take my medication responsibly. I have a hard time even getting my medication because doctors are scared of being sued or causing addiction. However, if I don't get my pain meds and my pain is not manageable, then how am I supposed to work and take care of myself? See the conundrum?
There has to be some accountability to people who take the pain meds. And the doctors are the ones who should be monitoring Their patients to make sure the person is taking the meds accordingly, and not overprescribing, and if their patient does become addicted then the doctor should send them to rehab. This should not be this difficult on either side: the addicted and the people who need them but can't get them. But this is a debate for another day.
Overall, a solid book. The last few chapters starting at chapter 33 kinda won me over which is where the final .5 Stars came from. I'm proud of Bobi. Ok job.

[Jamie Bee · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Story of Travails and Hope

As I write this review during the coronavirus crisis, I find a book like this, which details one woman's journey from desperate circumstances in her childhood to success on her terms, to be uplifting and heartwarming, which is something I think we all need right now. She describes what happened to her with such honesty. Though the world she describes might seem foreign to those of us who have never lived in such a place or with those problems, her depiction of it makes it very real, which of course it was for her. But not every author can describe what happened to them well; I think writing a memoir is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you have had a difficult past. But the author is good at just opening the vein, so to speak, and bringing us into her reality. Bobi Conn, I wish you well in all of your future endeavors. You deserve it!

My book blog: https://www.readingfanaticreviews.com

[Brianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did not know what to expect when I saw this book but I read the description and decided to go with it because I love Appalachia. Bobi! This book is wonderful. Way beyond any basic story of “mountain people”, this book truly touched my heart. Bobi so eloquently painted the picture of what it is like to grow up in an abusive home, having to deal with a lack of love and poverty. I absolutely loved how Bobi mentioned her “feminist” friends who wanted world peace but felt like people shouldn’t have free healthcare if they smoke; there are so many people in this world who paint themselves one way but are the antithesis of their utopian ideal. This memoir is truly inspiring and I felt my heart swell when reading about Bobi wanting better for herself to show her children a healthy and loving home. There is a plethora of kind things I could say about this book but you should just read it to understand why I love it so much.

[Helen]

Meh

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this and never wanted to put it down when I had to! Bobi’s story is compelling, relatable and brutally honest. I hope to see more from this brave and talented writer!

[Lori Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very close to home, so a tough read for me.

[Jenny Clark · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a pretty uplifting story of puling oneself together after many traumas and mistakes. The writing flowed pretty well, but there were some parts that seamed ended abruptly, such as the younger siblings asking Bobi to get them out of foster care- I understand she may not have had much contact after, but what exactly happened to have them put in foster care? I also found parts to jump around chronologically which was confusing at times.
Overall, it is a worth wile memoir to read, even with its few flaws.

[Sabrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars
Tough recount of a rough childhood. Beautiful words but the overall arc of the book meandered in the timeline making this read feel a bit repetitive. However, anyone who overcomes the battle with an abusive upbringing deserves a listen.

[Dlmrose · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5