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The Boy Who Disappeared
I opened my mouth and it came. It wasn't a cry, or even a sob. It came from deep in my soul... It was the sound of a mother helpless to save her child from danger. I asked the same unanswered questions over and again. Where was he? Where was my Damien?
On 2 November 1996, sixteen-year-old Damien Nettles went out for the evening in his home town of Cowes on the Isle of Wight. CCTV recorded him in a chip shop at 23:40 and on the High Street just after midnight. He has never been seen since.
His mother, Valerie, has spent over two decades desperately trying to find out what happened to her son. Arrests have been made, and suspects released without charge. Despite years of research by journalists and a private investigator, Damien's vanishing remains a mystery.
In this hugely moving and compelling account, Valerie Nettles tells the full, perplexing story of her son's disappearance.
Someone must know what happened to Damien. Will the truth ever emerge from the shadows?
On 2 November 1996, sixteen-year-old Damien Nettles went out for the evening in his home town of Cowes on the Isle of Wight. CCTV recorded him in a chip shop at 23:40 and on the High Street just after midnight. He has never been seen since.
His mother, Valerie, has spent over two decades desperately trying to find out what happened to her son. Arrests have been made, and suspects released without charge. Despite years of research by journalists and a private investigator, Damien's vanishing remains a mystery.
In this hugely moving and compelling account, Valerie Nettles tells the full, perplexing story of her son's disappearance.
Someone must know what happened to Damien. Will the truth ever emerge from the shadows?
312 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 5, 2019
23 people are currently reading
150 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
May 1, 2023
Recommended: This book might not be suitable for everyone, and I suppose one's got to be interested in stories surrounding missing persons. However, I think this should be read by more people. Valerie Nettles heartwrenchlingly describes her feelings as a mother when her son went missing. The ongoing limbo family members of missing persons have to live with is unimaginable, and therefore this book deserves to be on my list of recommended books. It opens a new perspective on your family members and the people you value in your life.
How do you rate and review a book about a missing boy? You can't really, to be honest.
Where to start? This book was a huge wave of lots of different emotions. Before I even laid my hands on this book, I'd read a review, commenting that this book was a continuous flow of negativity towards the Hampshire Constabulary - the police force responsible to deal with Damien's disappearance. I've got to admit that I understand that review, but it's fairly misplaced if I may say so.
This book is the account of a mother, Valerie Nettles, from the day her sixteen year old son, Damien Nettles, goes missing. I am incredibly impressed by the efforts, grief, pain and struggle that Valerie, as well as the whole Nettles family has gone through to bring Damien back. Sadly, all of the efforts haven't yet been enough to bring Damien back. It's incredible to read Mrs. Nettles's accounts, her feelings and how Damien's case was dealt with. It made me cry for the ambiguous loss that families of missing persons go through, it made me angry with Hampshire Constabulary for handling the case so badly from the start. Had things been handled differently, Damien might have been brought back by now, twenty six years later. I can't imagine the loss. While I understand this book might have felt like a constant bashing of the responsible police force, one has to admit that things were handled wrongly from the start, and one can imagine the family of a missing person to feel disregarded if they are not being updated regularly and if they are not given the feeling and idea that everything possible is being done to bring their loved one back.
While Damien hasn't been brought back to his family yet, it was good to see his legacy create Damien's Law. Hopefully, families of missing persons don't have to go through the same, hurtful and challenging process the Nettles family had to go through.
Having worked closely related to cold missing persons cases, I am very happy to have read this account by Valerie Nettles. It provided a useful and impactful insight into how families of missing persons experience the process of police investigations. Being annoyed myself sometimes at how long police takes to get back to you with answers, I can't begin to imagine the feelings of Damien's family, every time they had tried to get information on how his case was progressing. I am very glad I was able to read this account, also given that this case, Damien's case, was one of the final reasons that my colleague started his charity.
How do you rate and review a book about a missing boy? You can't really, to be honest.
Where to start? This book was a huge wave of lots of different emotions. Before I even laid my hands on this book, I'd read a review, commenting that this book was a continuous flow of negativity towards the Hampshire Constabulary - the police force responsible to deal with Damien's disappearance. I've got to admit that I understand that review, but it's fairly misplaced if I may say so.
This book is the account of a mother, Valerie Nettles, from the day her sixteen year old son, Damien Nettles, goes missing. I am incredibly impressed by the efforts, grief, pain and struggle that Valerie, as well as the whole Nettles family has gone through to bring Damien back. Sadly, all of the efforts haven't yet been enough to bring Damien back. It's incredible to read Mrs. Nettles's accounts, her feelings and how Damien's case was dealt with. It made me cry for the ambiguous loss that families of missing persons go through, it made me angry with Hampshire Constabulary for handling the case so badly from the start. Had things been handled differently, Damien might have been brought back by now, twenty six years later. I can't imagine the loss. While I understand this book might have felt like a constant bashing of the responsible police force, one has to admit that things were handled wrongly from the start, and one can imagine the family of a missing person to feel disregarded if they are not being updated regularly and if they are not given the feeling and idea that everything possible is being done to bring their loved one back.
While Damien hasn't been brought back to his family yet, it was good to see his legacy create Damien's Law. Hopefully, families of missing persons don't have to go through the same, hurtful and challenging process the Nettles family had to go through.
Having worked closely related to cold missing persons cases, I am very happy to have read this account by Valerie Nettles. It provided a useful and impactful insight into how families of missing persons experience the process of police investigations. Being annoyed myself sometimes at how long police takes to get back to you with answers, I can't begin to imagine the feelings of Damien's family, every time they had tried to get information on how his case was progressing. I am very glad I was able to read this account, also given that this case, Damien's case, was one of the final reasons that my colleague started his charity.
February 6, 2021
Excellent book I couldn’t stop listening to this ! Such a heart felt story. Nothing but admiration for this lovely lady. Only sad thing was there is no happy ending for her. It’s a must buy it really is! Her heart and soul has gone into this.
September 13, 2019
Having lived on the Island for my entire life (in Cowes) I always remember this was such a shock to everyone that this had happened on our close knit friendly Island. Then you delved deeper into the Islands drug riddled underworld & realisation hits that although you may know someone, behind closed doors you just don't know what they are capable of. I have previously spoken to Valerie & given her the names that I had heard bandied about, all names she had already been given & sadly all names that I know. I so hope Valerie gets the closure on what happened or that Damien comes home, as I cannot imagine the anguish the poor woman must feel not knowing who, what or where.
October 13, 2022
It's really difficult to review a book like this, because how do you critique it without it coming across as a personal attack? In truth, I have very few critiques, and they'd be minor at best, and ALSO sort of irrelevant in this kind of book.
Sometimes I found bits a little repetitive. BUT, this is her life she was recounting. I can't really hold that against her, because she and her family were living (are living) in an endless cycle of information-police-dismissal-distress.
This is a horrible and deeply unsettling account of a true police failure. Who are we meant to turn to when someone we love goes missing if the LITERAL POLICE (the people paid to care) just look the other way?
I highly recommend reading this, if for no other reason than to learn about Damien, the teenager whose family loves and misses him, and desperately wants him back; whose family has had no closure, no place or body to mourn, for nearly 26 years.
Sometimes I found bits a little repetitive. BUT, this is her life she was recounting. I can't really hold that against her, because she and her family were living (are living) in an endless cycle of information-police-dismissal-distress.
This is a horrible and deeply unsettling account of a true police failure. Who are we meant to turn to when someone we love goes missing if the LITERAL POLICE (the people paid to care) just look the other way?
I highly recommend reading this, if for no other reason than to learn about Damien, the teenager whose family loves and misses him, and desperately wants him back; whose family has had no closure, no place or body to mourn, for nearly 26 years.
October 8, 2019
You can’t really star a book about something like this. It was repetitive if you want criticism. It’s just one side of an awful story because the police refused to comment. It certainly sounds though that if Damien was murdered and they have followed correct procedure to start with they would likely have at least found a body for the family to lay to rest. After I had read it I went online to sign the petition to get damiens law debated in parliament and was upset to find it has been cancelled. What if all the readers if the book signed and it moved forwards? Open it back up. X
September 25, 2022
Shady, shady police work! Definitely think the cops were paid off or something.
September 22, 2019
Heartbreaking read
Brilliantly written true account of a mother's heartache.. I am from the IOW and have followed this story from the start always hoping for a positive outcome for the family... The total lack of sympathy and professionalism from the police does not surprise me but is so hard to read without wanting to personally bring them all to account!!!
Brilliantly written true account of a mother's heartache.. I am from the IOW and have followed this story from the start always hoping for a positive outcome for the family... The total lack of sympathy and professionalism from the police does not surprise me but is so hard to read without wanting to personally bring them all to account!!!
September 30, 2019
Very well written. I am full of admiration for this brave mother and her family who are determined to solve the disappearance of their beloved son. I am horrified by the handling of the case, particularly at the start by the Hampshire Police. I hope that one day the truth will emerge and they can find peace and closure that they so deserve.
November 19, 2020
This is such a hard book to review, on one hand, it is repetitive after the first half but on the other, the book is written by a mum who just wants answers.
Valerie, her family and friends are living each day not knowing what has happened to their son, brother and friend. In 1996 16 year old Damien Nettles lived on the Isle of Wight, after a night out with his friends, Damien vanished.
The book is searching for what happened to him, there are some agreed upon events that are reveled but there are so many rumors flighting round the island, how is anyone meant to separate fact from fiction?
The book strongly highlights the failures of the police from the moment Valerie reported her son missing until now - the book does focus on this heavily as it clearly important to Valerie. Vital tapes missing, the force getting Damiens age wrong at the start of the investigation and the way some of the officers speak to the family is terrible.
I do hope Damien's family get some closure.
Valerie, her family and friends are living each day not knowing what has happened to their son, brother and friend. In 1996 16 year old Damien Nettles lived on the Isle of Wight, after a night out with his friends, Damien vanished.
The book is searching for what happened to him, there are some agreed upon events that are reveled but there are so many rumors flighting round the island, how is anyone meant to separate fact from fiction?
The book strongly highlights the failures of the police from the moment Valerie reported her son missing until now - the book does focus on this heavily as it clearly important to Valerie. Vital tapes missing, the force getting Damiens age wrong at the start of the investigation and the way some of the officers speak to the family is terrible.
I do hope Damien's family get some closure.
October 14, 2021
An emotional personal journey of love and loss. It is flawed in its literary aspect, but its humanity and Valerie Nettle's search for justice makes it up for the lack of a more robust dramaturgy.
The Hampshire Police comes across so bad, right from the start, its carelessness, its disregard for others, officers being lightly reprimanded for being hugely disrespectful, a female office resigning because of misogynistic bullying, officers losing important forensic items. They make mistakes after mistakes, and get away with every single one of them. At times, it made me wonder if the police officers were trying to cover it all up. It never got resolved.
Heart-wrenching.
The Hampshire Police comes across so bad, right from the start, its carelessness, its disregard for others, officers being lightly reprimanded for being hugely disrespectful, a female office resigning because of misogynistic bullying, officers losing important forensic items. They make mistakes after mistakes, and get away with every single one of them. At times, it made me wonder if the police officers were trying to cover it all up. It never got resolved.
Heart-wrenching.
November 9, 2020
The front cover is appealing to readers, the story is interesting and is full of mystery. It talks about Damien who was a young lad who went missing on the isle of wight in 1996. Many searches have been carried out. His case was investigated by 2 journalists but sadly came up empty and hit a dead end. To this day his dissappearance is still an open case. I'm hoping that it'll jog a few memories and maybe new tips will start flowing in from members of the public. Perhaps it'll give us some promising leads. His family, friends and relatives need closure.
January 30, 2026
This is a truly heartbreaking read. I deeply feel for Damien’s mother, Valerie, and her family. From the very start of Damien’s disappearance, it seems that Hampshire Police should have been far more proactive in their investigation. Some of the mistakes detailed in the book are infuriating - such as the careless loss of CCTV tapes and even getting Damien’s age wrong. How can professionals be so uncaring and lackadaisical? Do they compartmentalise to cope, or does something deeper go wrong? I sincerely hope that one day Valerie and her family get the answers they so very much deserve.
April 16, 2020
A painful story of loss and a fight to find the truth
As a former police officer I have to say that I am ashamed by the acts and omissions of Hampshire Police. The officers responsible for the failings are a disgrace to all other police officers that are committed to serving their communities.
Valerie tells her harrowing and courageous story in a way that only a mother can. Her pain is raw and visceral. I sincerely wish that Damien will one day come home for tea.
As a former police officer I have to say that I am ashamed by the acts and omissions of Hampshire Police. The officers responsible for the failings are a disgrace to all other police officers that are committed to serving their communities.
Valerie tells her harrowing and courageous story in a way that only a mother can. Her pain is raw and visceral. I sincerely wish that Damien will one day come home for tea.
October 19, 2020
3.5
(Minor spoilers)
I couldn't quite give it 4 stars, but it was good, so I didn't want to give it 3. I haven't heard about Damien Nettles until I read this. It was reccomended by a friend.
A teenage boy goes missing after a night out. The family does everything to find him. It's heartbreaking to read that his disappearance was just brushed off, and poorly treated. The family does everything they can to find Damien.
(Minor spoilers)
I couldn't quite give it 4 stars, but it was good, so I didn't want to give it 3. I haven't heard about Damien Nettles until I read this. It was reccomended by a friend.
A teenage boy goes missing after a night out. The family does everything to find him. It's heartbreaking to read that his disappearance was just brushed off, and poorly treated. The family does everything they can to find Damien.
January 27, 2024
Valerie and her family have been so incredibly strong throughout. If the local police werent willing or experienced enough to do the job, they should have sought help from elsewhere. Damien was apparently seen in a residential area very late that night, after the chip shop cctv footage, but the witness was not taken seriously. What happened next? Did he get in a car or did something happen in a house ? Considering how corrupt the police are, Nicky McNamara was probably paying them off.
November 23, 2024
my mum was friends with the authors sister and I remember my mum telling of this boy when I was young. (I was born the year Damien went missing so every year I get older I think how long it’s been since he has remained missing 🥺) It's just utterly heartbreaking. I applaud Valerie and take my hat off to her what an incredible person she is. The whole case just smells of police corruption! I can tell just how loved Damien is by his mum and family, it pours out from the book ❤️
January 4, 2025
This is a heart wrenching detailed account of a mother's fight to find her son, how she was let down by the police time and time again and still after almost 30 years she still doesn't know what has happened to him. This is truly heartbreaking and close to my heart as I am from the Island. I honestly send all my love to Damiens family
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 22, 2020
Extremely moving and well written book
This book really gave a glimpse into all the hard 'work' that happens when somebody goes missing. I felt that it was well written and I could really feel the emotions of Damien's mum as she wrote this. Well worth a read, in my opinion.
This book really gave a glimpse into all the hard 'work' that happens when somebody goes missing. I felt that it was well written and I could really feel the emotions of Damien's mum as she wrote this. Well worth a read, in my opinion.
July 2, 2020
I have been following Damiens case for a long time and I learned so much from this book! I truly believe that one day Damien will be found and brought home to his family where he belongs!
Read
February 6, 2021This is a really good read . I have it on audiobooks. It’s very sad but it’s written from Valeries heart .
March 10, 2021
This was such a sad account of the disappearance of Damien and the anguish his family have faced and continue to face with no answers as to what happened. I hope they will eventually get closure.
October 14, 2022
A truly staggering tale of shoddy police work. My heart hurts for Valerie and her family.
January 18, 2023
How do you even fairly rate a book on such a heartbreaking topic? After reading the reviews of those who listened to the book, that may have been the way to go.
May 12, 2025
Extremely well written and an insight into ambiguous loss.
November 20, 2019
Brilliantly written, evocative and deeply moving.
A true account of a family searching for their sixteen year old son who went out one night in 1996 and never returned.
The search continues for the truth.
A true account of a family searching for their sixteen year old son who went out one night in 1996 and never returned.
The search continues for the truth.
September 5, 2019
Heart rending true account, ongoing pain clearly, for the author and family
Understand it must have been cathartic to write her story even raises awareness after many long years of torment bought about by the rumour and gossip found in small communities, yet still no resolution to the mystery
Police clearly didn’t respond to the urgency the family felt.
It will grip you, it will upset you if you’re a parent, it might bring sympathy for those who were involved in questioning as it raises more gossip, the best friend will never be free of this nor other people named I guess.
You want the mother to find her son and peace
Not really my thing but a true story and thousands vanish every year.
Understand it must have been cathartic to write her story even raises awareness after many long years of torment bought about by the rumour and gossip found in small communities, yet still no resolution to the mystery
Police clearly didn’t respond to the urgency the family felt.
It will grip you, it will upset you if you’re a parent, it might bring sympathy for those who were involved in questioning as it raises more gossip, the best friend will never be free of this nor other people named I guess.
You want the mother to find her son and peace
Not really my thing but a true story and thousands vanish every year.
September 9, 2019
I couldn’t put it down. I remember the story from 1996 - I was at University at the time. I also remember seeing the programmes aired sometime later and had been unaware Damien had still not been found. A truly heart rending story of a mother’s personal plight to find her son, even 23 years on. What a marvelous, strong, determined lady and an amazing Mother. Overcoming her own personal feelings about being in the public eye for the fight in finding her son - apparently against great adversity. She has dedicated her life to this cause.
I have signed the petition ‘Damien’s law’ and shared on social media - I hope you will too.
I have signed the petition ‘Damien’s law’ and shared on social media - I hope you will too.
January 13, 2020
Truly informative yet heartbreaking read
The struggles a missing persons family face are truly horrendous. The frustration, the heartache and the longing to find answers that never leave. Thankyou Valerie for sharing Damien's story. People need to start talking and stop protecting !!
The struggles a missing persons family face are truly horrendous. The frustration, the heartache and the longing to find answers that never leave. Thankyou Valerie for sharing Damien's story. People need to start talking and stop protecting !!
Read
December 20, 2022This is the heartbreaking story of the disappearance of a son. My heart breaks for the parents of him and it was a brave decision to write the book.
The behaviour of the police in this case was disgusting.
I hope that one day justice will be served.
The behaviour of the police in this case was disgusting.
I hope that one day justice will be served.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews