Home Will Never Be the Same Again: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce

by Carol R. Hughes, Bruce R. Fredenburg

Adult children are often overlooked and forgotten when their parents divorce later in life, but in these pages they will find comfort and understanding for the many feelings, frustrations, and challenges they face. For more than two decades, a silent revolution has been occurring and creating a seismic shift in the American family and families in other countries. It has been unfolding without much comment, and its effects are being felt across three to four more couples are divorcing later in life. Called the “gray divorce revolution,” the cultural phenomenon describes couples who divorce after the age of 50. Overlooked in the issues that affect couples divorcing later in in life are the adult children of divorcing parents. Their voices open this book, and they are the voices of men and women, 18 to 50 years old. Some of them are single; some are married. Some have children of their own. All of them are in different stages of shock, fear, and sudden, dramatic change. In Home Will Never Be the A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce, Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg share their deep understanding gained during the innumerable hours they have spent with these women and men in their clinical practices. The result is a valuable resource for these too often forgotten adult children, many of whom find that, whenever they express their feelings and experiences, the most important people in their lives frequently ignore and dismiss them. As the divorce rate for older adults soars, so too does the number of adult children who are experiencing parental divorce. Yet, these adult children frequently say that they are the only ones who are aware of what they are going through, no one understands what they are experiencing, and they feel painfully alone.

Genres: Relationships

256 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 6, 2020

Reviews

[Gabriella · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not as helpful as I’d wished…the authors go out of their way to describe each type of scenario they’ve seen in their therapeutic work, but fail to provide equally robust guidance or advice for these scenarios. Provides some useful descriptive language about changing family dynamics…but little else I can remember a few months after finishing.

[Joss · Rating 2 out of 5]

some passages were seemingly copied and pasted into multiple chapters; very repetitive. i wish it had been better written.

[Russell L · Rating 5 out of 5]

My brother bought this book for me after he finished reading it, because we have both been struggling with the news that our parents are divorcing after a 25-year marriage. We are in the middle adulthood age like some of the adult children in the book, and thankfully we have been a good support to each other. From what we read in the book, it has been comforting to know that we aren’t emotional wimps like some people think. When a family breaks apart after so many years you start to feel a lot of things deeply and question your history and wonder who you are. The authors give a lot of information about why a parents' divorce after so many years can hit the adult children so hard. The tools and techniques they teach have also been very helpful. I have been using them with our parents and even my wife and kids. I am confident that I am a better person because of what I learned in the book and have put into practice.

[Kaylee Rohr · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely worth a read/listen for anyone going through this. I think the reason other reviewers say that this book isn't terribly helpful in a practical way is the unfortunate reality that there isn't a one size all, simple solution to the problems divorce brings into a family. The best an author can do is help you know you're not alone and show you what has worked for other families to give you hope and to get you searching creatively for solutions for your own situation. I think the authors do this. They also make a number of practical suggestions, especially towards the end of the book. However, I thinking helping put the feelings and pain into words is the most powerful thing the book does. Repetitive? Yes, but also, validating.

It would have been 4 stars for me except for the chapters stuffed full of broad generalizations about men and women. It seemed to me to be written from a strong feminist perspective and I felt like it didn't always give full credit to the potential male perspective. That being said, as a woman, I can't confirm this.

It's also important to note that this is currently the only book written on this topic. With so little information available, it's hard not to feel both thankful for these authors and at the same time frustrated at the lack of resources. It does feel like a "beggers can't be choosers" type of situation, so maybe take that into perspective when considering the reviews.

[Nicholas Allen]

This is a book that should be read by the adult children of any “gray”divorce! While many books address the trauma that divorce causes for young children, there is nothing available to help adults understand the pain caused by the divorce of parents who have been married for a lifetime. How does one deal with parents who want you to pick a side; where do you spend holidays; how do your children deal with grandparents who seem to suddenly hate each other? The list of difficult, painful issues can seem endless. Dr. Hughes’ book is an indispensable guide for navigating the stress and turmoil of Gray Divorce, and should be read by every adult child who is faced with this situation.

[Ebba · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lyssnade som ljudbok, fungerade bra till största delen men vissa gånger hade det varit bra att ha boken i fysisk format. Vissa kapitel var mer relevanta än andra.

Boken innehåller praktiska råd för både föräldrar och barn, varvat med berättelser om klienter som gått i klienter i terapi hos författarna till boken. Berättelserna beskriver de tankar och reaktioner vuxna barn (18+) till föräldrar som skiljer sig kan ha.

[Bethany Meola · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband and I run a ministry to adult children of divorce (Life-Giving Wounds). This book hit on so many themes that we cover with ACODs: grieving, loss, boundaries, challenges of reconfigured relationships, forgiveness, etc. It was focused throughout on the needs of the adult-children, and had a great combination of affirmation and practical pathways forward. We'll be recommending this to people impacted by their parents' gray divorce.

[Tom Bittler]

Finally! A terrific book which addresses the many issues adult children face in the aftermath of their parents' divorce. Adult children are experiencing their own grief and loss. Many can feel a sense of confusion and loneliness and need to be heard & validated. "Home Will Never be The Same Again", offers insight into families of divorce, effects of divorce on adult children, and healing techniques for parents & adult children. Parents who divorce can utilize this book in an effort to understand and minimize the pain their adult children may be going through. Hughes and Fredenburg, have done a complete job in sharing stories, examples, and divorce data for therapists as well. This is an essential guide to learning about how divorce effects families and how we can support those often forgotten adult children searching for healing & acceptance.

[Abby Sitzmann · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I initially read this book in full, following my parents divorce, I felt some of what other reviewers are saying, that the book is a bit repetitive, and that I'm not sure how helpful it really was. Several sections, I am lucky to say, didn't even apply very much to my family situation. However, I have gone back to this book several times, recalling a chapter or section that applies to me in a new way as life goes on. I am grateful to the authors for even writing the book, as material on this subject is scarce.

[Susan Underbrink · Rating 3 out of 5]

A big thank you to NetGalley and Rowman & Littlefield Publishing for the ARC. I am voluntarily reviewing this book. This was a fascinating read. Made me sad, but was interesting. I am one of the "Gray divorce", didn't want to do it but in California you have no choice. I got this for my kids, to see if there was something we could do to help them. Really no real answers 3 stars

[Shannon Malloy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Repetitive and also annoyingly there were many spelling errors. However, the content is very helpful and taught me a lot. Some chapters were more relevant to me than others, so I think I’ll be returning to this as time goes on.

[j · Rating 4 out of 5]

Often repetitive and redundant, but I can’t ignore how validating some of those repetitive statements were

[Hafsa McCloud · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book served as a comfort for me while my parents were going through divorce. I definitely plan to revisit it❤️

[Ben · Rating 1 out of 5]

Tl;dr.

[Candy Dalton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hard to read but very good insight.

[Marlie Arnett · Rating 5 out of 5]

AMAZING book! I really wish I had read this when my parents were first getting divorced. A must read if your parents are getting/got divorced when you are an adult.