The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate

by Jeannie Gainsburg

The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate is an enjoyable, humorous, encouraging, easy to understand guidebook for being an ally to the LGBTQ+ communities. It is chock full of practical and useful tools for LGBTQ+ advocacy, including:




Current and relevant information on identities and LGBTQ+ language
Tips for what to say and what not to say when someone comes out to you
LGBTQ+ etiquette and techniques for respectful conversations
Common bloopers to avoid
Tools for effectively navigating difficult conversations
Suggestions for addressing common questions and concerns
Actions for creating more LGBTQ+ inclusive spaces
Recommendations for self-care and sustainable allyship


This book will be useful for teachers, counselors, social workers, nurses, medical technicians, and college professors, as well as parents who want to be supportive of their LGBTQ+ child, but don't know how. This is not a book about why to be an ally. This is a book about how to be an ally. The goal of The Savvy Ally is to create more confident, active allies who are effective advocates for change. This informative, entertaining, and supportive guidebook will surely jump-start even the most tentative ally.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Social Justice, Self Help, Queer, Audiobook, Activism

184 pages, ebook

Published March 12, 2020

About the author

Jeannie Gainsburg is an award-winning educational trainer and consultant in the field of LGBTQ+ inclusion and effective allyship. Formerly the Education Director at the Out Alliance of Rochester, N.Y., she is the founder of Savvy Ally Action and author of the book, The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate. Jeannie has a BA in psychology from Brown University and an MA in social work and social research from Bryn Mawr College. She was under the impression that a citation was the result of driving too fast until January of 2019, when she received one from the New York State Assembly for Distinguished Educational & Human Rights Services for her work in promoting LGBTQ+ rights and inclusion. Her encouraging, passionate, and warm-hearted approach will jumpstart even the most tentative ally. Visit her website and download free ally goodies at: www.savvyallyaction.com.

Reviews

[Meike · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, let's start with a little story from my life as one of three straight, cisgender hosts of a literary podcast: We frequently interview and discuss the works of queer authors, but we tend to get terrified when it comes to recording conversations with or talking about texts specifically by nonbinary writers. Why, you ask? Because our show is in German, and we don't have the singular "they", so there is no agreed upon pronoun we can use. Our fear is that we mess up; not because we don't care, we do care a whole lot!, but because we are still learning. We do want to respect these authors' identities, and fear that we might fall short. Does that mean we just drop their books from the program? Absolutely not, our goal to achieve visbility for great nonbinary artists will not be compromised by our feat to make mistakes. And I'm telling you this story because Jeannie Gainsburg does a fantastic job working against such fears by encouraging people to continually try and learn how to be an effective ally.

This book is all about the joy and pride people can find in fighting the good fight - yes, it's also very informative and underlines how important it is to hold oneself and the people around us accountable, but ultimately, Gainsburg talks about creating inclusive, safe communities, and the power that comes with caring about justice and fairness. And I appreciate that, because I think many straight, cis people are afraid to get involved because they are (yet!) too ignorant or afraid they might make mistakes. They should just get started, is what Gainsburg says.

I agree.

[Elizabeth O · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have long considered myself an ally to the LGBTQ+ community but have often felt ill at ease with proper verbiage and have thought the questions I have are too dumb to ask/may unintentionally offend somebody. This book was the perfect resource for me to learn and feel more empowered to be an advocate for friends, patients, and strangers alike.
I feel like Gainsburg has taken something abstract and, using alchemy and experience, made it tangible and fresh. This book was informative but also very practical and entertaining. The pacing and progression was so natural; often the reading would inspire a question... which was then answered a couple pages later or in the next chapter. The Savvy Ally is not patronizing, but has an encouraging and fun tone including a few LOL moments for me. I LOVED the text box “pop quizzes” and “fun facts”. There are also many references to specific tedtalks/ youtube videos/ and websites for further reading and education.
I feel that this book hand-delivered the tools for me to become a better ally. Ahem, some bullet points:
• I know what to do when I’m not sure which pronoun someone prefers. (Hint: ask them which pronouns they prefer)
• I have a CLEAR, DIRECT response to someone who wonders when the “straight pride” parade will happen
• One of the best chapters in my humble opinion is Chapter 3, “Coming Out as LGBTQ+”. Gainsburg discusses the stages of coming out (identity confusion, identity comparison, identity tolerance, identity acceptance, identity pride, and identity synthesis) It made so much sense! And gave me greater empathy. And, on a personal note, was INCREDIBLY recognizable as I looked back on my own religious “coming out” (leaving Mormonism).
• I am inspired to craft my own addition to my work name tag and more clearly identify myself as an ally to a pt population who already has multiple reasons to feel vulnerable.
• The book gives a great explanation of passive vs active fixes (duct-tape vs major remodeling) and shows the difference between tolerating and being an active ally.
I highly recommend for personal or professional purposes!

More resources at the website: https://www.savvyallyaction.com/

[Jeff Bursey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Informative and clearly written, with good examples from the author's own experiences and many helpful suggestions. Good number of citations. Not heavy in the writing, but a serious topic. Might help with some of what I do in my job. Recommended.

[Kathleen Garber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an amazing book about how a someone who is not part of the LGBTQ+ community can be a helpful advocate to those who are.

I was surprised to see that a book about LGBTQ+ was written by a cisgender straight woman. (I learned the term cisgender from the book. It means that she identifies as the same gender as she was assigned at birth. AKA she was called a girl at birth and she agrees with that.) I think she did a wonderful job both explaining all the confusing terms as well as explaining how anyone not LGBTQ+ can be an ally or advocate for those who are.

You don’t have to fully understand LGBTQ+ or even agree with how they feel to be respectful of them. You don’t have to know anyone who is part of the community to be an advocate either.

What the Book Covers
The author covers what not to say, why it can be upsetting and what you should say in a multitude of situations. She also covers the spectrum and differences of biological sex, gender identity, gender expression, attraction (orientation) and intimate behaviours. These are often thought of as the same thing but they aren’t. I learned a lot.

There are a lot more types of intersex possibilities as well than I originally thought. Intersex means not necessarily all boy or all girl. For example someone might have male genitalia but female reproductive organs.

Another thing I found interesting is the general steps of coming out. It’s not just in the closet and then out of the closet. Some people are out for some people but not for others. Or out at work but not at home. Someone might come out and then go back in. Also when they are finally comfortable with who they are they might go through a pride stage. This is where some non LGTBQ+ people feel like the LGTBQ+ person is pushing their orientation on them.

“Identity pride is the stage I like to call the loud and proud stage. People on the outside looking in often describe people in this stage as obnoxious, aggressive, angry or over the top. It’s important for allies to understand where these loud and proud behaviours and attitudes are coming from and to appreciate the experience that the person has survived. ”

– The Savvy Ally
Another important section is where the author talks about how the world needs to change to be more inclusive. She points out things that someone who has never struggled with gender or orientation might not notice.

“..sharing some examples of stuff I can do as a straight cisgender person that my LGBTQ+ friends cannot… I can find a restroom to pee in safely and conveniently pretty much anywhere I go, my husband and I can hold hands and walk pretty much anywhere without fearing for our safety. In an emergency medical situation, I know I will not have to worry about being treated respectfully or being placed in a ward that doesn’t match my gender identity, when I was growing up, I saw straight, cisgender people like me represented constantly in the school curriculum, in books and in movies.”

– The Savvy Ally
I highly recommend this book to everyone.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

An informative book about how to support the LGBTQ+ community especially, if you’re not a member of the community. The book contains a LOT of information, and sometimes I felt overloaded. Probably my favorite chapter was the glossary, which succinctly explained all the terms that are a part of the LGBTQ+ community. The author has an easy breezy style of writing, which makes reading this book enjoyable. My only complaint would be that the print of my edition is very small for these old eyes. One satisfying incident while I was reading this book was that while I was sitting outside, reading the book, a neighbor friend stopped by with his dog. He looked at the book and said “I’ve always considered you an ally”. Now I can continue to do so with a lot more information.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an excellent resource for anyone wanting to be mindful of being more inclusive, or to learn about ways to advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.

[Michael Wolcott · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a gay man, I can’t tell you how important this book is. For one, I never realized how much I didn’t know about my own community. The author is dedicate to their work and offers real strategies to make a difference—I can’t wait to share them with others. And I really hope we can create similar texts to be allies for all marginalized communities.

[Rafa Hache · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesante, motivador, entretenido, respetuoso... Jeannie Gainsburg lo clava con esta magnífica "guía para convertirse en un defensor experto del coletivo LGBTQ+"
El libro abarca casi todo lo que se debe saber para iniciarse en el activismo a favor de los derechos de la comunidad LGBTQ+: desde cuestiones interesantísimas (y que yo desconocía) como los modelos de formación de la identidad homosexual (procesos de "salir del armario"), pasando por un útil glosario de orientaciones, identidades y comportamientos, tips para tener conversaciones respetuosas ("etiqueta LGBTQ+"), hasta sugerencias para responder a las clásicas preguntas ("¿por qué no existe el día del orgullo heterosexual?") o hacer frente a estereotipos. Incluso, dedica un capítulo a la importancia de cuidarse a sí mismo como activista.
En resumen, un libro muy recomendable para todas las personas que, como bien dice la autora, quieran responder afirmativamente cuando sus nietos/as/es le pregunten: ¿participaste en la lucha por los derechos de la comunidad LGBTQ, cuando todavía no los tenían?

[Nila Junker-Andersen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book for those, like myself, just starting out as an ally! Lots of awesome stories and takeaways. I frequently find myself referring back to topics in this book during conversations with my friends.

[Jennifer Mimno · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for any ally or would-be ally. The author’s engaging style makes the information accessible and leaves you with actionable ways to make allyship part of your life. The author says she wishes she had had a manual when she started working in a LGBTQ+ center and now she has provided that manual.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This needs to be read by every educator, parent, and honestly, human because it’s so good at everything LGBTQ:
terminology, history, laws, statistics, using pronouns, and basic “how to not be an asshole” tips.


*I’d advise waiting until April when the new/updated version comes out.

[Betsyjean13 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book and listened to a webinar with the author Jeannie Gainsburg and I just KNOW that we would be friends in real life. She's hilarious without being rude, intelligent without being pretentious, and an ally without being a know-it-all. Reading this book is: feeling like you're talking to your best friend; nodding ferociously at her wit and real talk; giggling because she's truly funny; and feeling a true sense of calm as she gently explains all the things.
I cannot recommend this book enough. It's the non-fiction book you gift to your friends because it's such a good read.

[Megan Healy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was assigned to read this book for a class, and I had pretty low expectations and thought that it might be, well, work. I was pleasantly surprised that it was readable and informative, laying things out simply and matter-of-factly. I didn't feel bashed over the head, and I felt like the author came across as cheerful and pleasant when talking though all kinds of topics that could be seen as controversial. I feel like I've come away with a more nuanced understanding of what LGBTQ+ people might need from the community. As a whole, I feel much more informed.

[Sara Mann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing and everyone should read it!

[Pamela S · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was surprised how much I learned reading this book. It’s incredibly thought provoking and has something for everyone. For years I have considered myself a “Savvy Ally” having taken SafeZone training, marching in marriage equality demonstrations, volunteering at our local Pride festivities, etc. But after reading this book I learned I can do better. The biggest change I will make is my use of gendered language in social situations with people I don’t know. For example, a few weeks ago I was at the Public Market buying cheese. A lot of cheese. There were two people helping fill my order who appeared (to me) to be men. After completing our transaction I gave a wave (masked and 6+ feet away of course) and said “thanks guys”. As I walked away it occurred to me that I was making an assumption that these people identified as male (yes, I know, guys is considered to be a gender neutral word to many but the definition is clearly male) and what if I was wrong? There was no need to use that term. I could have said “Thanks so much”. I realize this is a small thing and in actuality I was likely correct in my assumption but this book has challenged me to put myself in the place of someone whose birth-assigned gender isn’t right for them. How would I feel if I strongly identified as a male and people constantly said “thanks Ma’am” (to be honest, as a woman I hate being called ma’am but you get the point).

The other thing I learned is you don’t have to be cisgendered and straight to get something out of this book. Anyone can be an ally—gay men can be an ally for bisexuals or transgendered folks. And vice versa.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who believes people should be treated with respect regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. I guarantee you will learn something and may look at the world in a different, brighter light. Something we can all use in these dark times!

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

The books offers a lot of good information for well-meaning people, although to be fair, learning about the queer community in a more organic way is the better course to take rather than from a book by someone who is speaking from outside the community.

That said, it's a useful resource for (older) people who don't know how to find educational Youtube videos by LGBTQ+ creators, which are much more representative of lived experiences.

Does the author things right? Yes. Does she get things wrong? Not noticeably. I appreciate that this must have been very difficult, because I know really good allies who fuck up their vocabulary on a consistent, recurring basis and even more often, assume they know everything already and don't need education. The author did the hard work and taps some great resources.

She did a really good job with transgender issues. I sent the restroom sign pages to my boss, because we'll need new ones soon. Very helpful.

The tone...I mean, not everyone will feel this way...but I found it a little cheerleadery.

Overall, would I hand this book over to a cisgender straight person and tell them that this is all they need to know to be an ally to the queer community? No, probably not. Would I recommend it as one of many resources to people who want to help? Possibly.

[Kazen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn't sure I would learn much from this book, an "Allyship 101" of sorts, but I was pleasantly surprised at how much I didn't know. Gainsburg covers everything from the most basic questions to nuanced discussions in an upbeat tone that is welcoming to everyone. She points out that we can't change people's minds, but we can give them information that will hopefully encourage them to think more deeply. Want to know how to reply to questions like, "when's the straight pride parade"? Not sure on the nuances of gender and sexuality, or the stages many people go though while coming out? They're all here. I work in medicine so I especially appreciated the section on how to un-gender intake forms while making sure you're asking the right questions.

I can't say I'll be keeping a copy on my shelf as reference, but at the same time I won't forget some of the insights from its pages. There's bound to be some great information for you here, no matter your perceived level of knowledge.

[LG · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you would really like to be an ally, I would suggest purchasing a book and learning from someone who is actually in the LGBTQIA+ community. This author took it upon herself to occupy a space where she has completely whitewashed what it is to be in the LGBTQIA+ and has completely disregarded those struggles. One fun way she did this was by saying that if you struggle with getting your friends new pronouns and name right- you should practice on your pet. All I can say is please don't reduce your friends identity to something as simple as calling your dog a different name. Jeanie Gainsburg also included old stereotypes in her book that I haven't even heard of, this seemed to perpetuate old offensive stereotypes and they didn't bring any substance to the book. Please save your time and money and do not buy this book. If you really want to be an ally, listen to those in the community (and I am sure they will be less offensive too).

[Karen Catlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gainsburg's book is a treasure trove of practical ideas for being an ally for members of the LGBTQ+ community. As an educator in this field, she has mastered how to talk about the issues and advice that will help the rest of us navigate what to do in our homes, communities, and workplaces. Plus she sprinkles the perfect amount of humor throughout, which adds to the overall enjoyment of the book.

--Karen Catlin, author of "Better Allies: Everyday Actions to Create Inclusive, Engaging Workplaces"

[Rhonda Parrish · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you care at all about this community, you need to read this. No matter how woke you might be, I guarantee you’ll learn something. Great resource.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

An activist I love named Blair Imani recently posted on Instagram that the only way to really make a difference with racism is if white women make the same effort to educate each other by engaging gracefully and compassionately in the same way that Black women and people of color have been doing all this time for us. It's something I think about a lot now, and I think Gainsburg captures the LGBTQIA+ take on this really well. Gainsburg herself does not identify as a member of the community but has years of experience with the movement and doing fundraising and advocacy work.

As Imani (I suspect) would approve, Gainsburg is doing actual ally work by taking on education and emotional labor to lighten the load of people in the community. She also lowers a ladder to help others join her. It's an accessible and forgiving approach that has potential to plant seeds and to grow allies that are committed to building community, even if it's by one person at a time. It's more than just being on the right side of history. Because with where we are at right now, simply being right isn't enough.

Gainsburg covers sustainability, terminology shifts, ways to respond to common questions and complaints, and super importantly--how to respond when you're the one that's made a mistake. It's not the last word on the matter but it gives someone a good foundation to get started.

[Mickey Brent · Rating 5 out of 5]

If only The Savvy Ally had existed when I came out to my family, decades ago. This remarkable guidebook would have made my life, and the lives of so many other LGBTQ+ folks, much easier. Not only is Gainsburg’s book highly accurate and relevant in today’s world, but it pinpoints areas that desperately need attention and care. Expertly written, combining meaningful research with personal stories laced with grace, humor, and pop quizzes, The Savvy Ally is a must-read for individuals, book clubs, schools, governments, and organizations worldwide. Surprisingly, as a long-time member of the LGBTQ+ community, I learned valuable tips to share with friends, clients, and colleagues. I can’t recommend The Savvy Ally enough!

[Janice Desroches · Rating 5 out of 5]

2SLGBTQIA+ (two-spirit, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, queer, intersex, asexual/agender, +) inclusion and effective allyship Educational Trainer & Consultant Jeannie Gainsburg’s ‘The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate' is divided into 4 parts: Becoming Knowledgeable Allies, Building Skills for Having Respectful Conversations, Taking Action to Create More Inclusive Spaces, and Allying Responsibility. This is a practical guide for being an 2SLGBTQIA+ advocate that is easy to understand. It encompasses tools for becoming a skilled 2SLGBTQIA+ ally. This book provides a guide that will benefit the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, as well as allies alike through knowledge, education, and introspection.

[Nicole Guy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a fantastic way to gather some information on how to be a LGBTQ+ ally. The stories were relatable and were things people can/have experienced as an ally. As a social worker, this book helped me really understand what more I can do to be an ally and how to better support clients and students.

[Jessica Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Constantly learning and this book is great at teaching for those willing to learn. Answers a lot of the questions I have had. Looking forward to the 2nd Edition coming out next year.

[Vanessa Loder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful, informative and light-hearted intro into how to be an ally. Jeannie's book is filled with great information for anyone who wants to understand what it means to be an advocate for LGBTQ+ people and how to act as an ally. This book was useful and easy to read with a friendly non-judgmental tone. Highly recommend for book groups, schools, libraries - and anyone interested in learning how to be a supportive friend, family member, etc.

[Randy Rasa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was terrific. Somewhat remedial, yes, but that is appropriate for the target audience. It is an excellent introduction to the subject.

[Ashley Hart · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book.

[Liz Colussi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very educational - highly highly recommend for anyone interested in learning more about how to be a better ally for the LGBTQ+ community!

[Patty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful, inspiring and easy to take in.