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He Must Like You
An authentic, angry, and surprisingly funny and romantic novel about sexual harassment, from award-winning author Danielle Younge-Ullman.
Libby's having a rough senior year. Her older brother absconded with his college money and is bartending on a Greek island. Her dad just told her she's got to pay for college herself, and he's evicting her when she graduates so he can Airbnb her room. A drunken hook-up with her coworker Kyle has left her upset and confused. So when Perry Ackerman, serial harasser and the most handsy customer at The Goat where she waitresses, pushes her over the edge, she can hardly be blamed for dumping a pitcher of sangria on his head. Unfortunately, Perry is a local industry hero, the restaurant's most important customer, and Libby's mom's boss. Now Libby has to navigate the fallout of her outburst, find an apartment, and deal with her increasing rage at the guys who've screwed up her life--and her increasing crush on the one guy who truly gets her. As timely as it is timeless, He Must Like You is a story about consent, rage, and revenge, and the potential we all have to be better people.
Libby's having a rough senior year. Her older brother absconded with his college money and is bartending on a Greek island. Her dad just told her she's got to pay for college herself, and he's evicting her when she graduates so he can Airbnb her room. A drunken hook-up with her coworker Kyle has left her upset and confused. So when Perry Ackerman, serial harasser and the most handsy customer at The Goat where she waitresses, pushes her over the edge, she can hardly be blamed for dumping a pitcher of sangria on his head. Unfortunately, Perry is a local industry hero, the restaurant's most important customer, and Libby's mom's boss. Now Libby has to navigate the fallout of her outburst, find an apartment, and deal with her increasing rage at the guys who've screwed up her life--and her increasing crush on the one guy who truly gets her. As timely as it is timeless, He Must Like You is a story about consent, rage, and revenge, and the potential we all have to be better people.
325 pages, Hardcover
First published July 14, 2020
31 people are currently reading
4066 people want to read
About the author
Danielle Younge-Ullman
5 books500 followersDanielle Younge-Ullman is the award-winning author of the young adult novels, HE MUST LIKE YOU (July 2020), EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL IS NOT RUINED (2018), LOLA CARLYLE’S 12 STEP ROMANCE (2015), and the adult novel, FALLING UNDER (2008). Danielle’s work has been published internationally, won the White Pine and Earphone awards, and been nominated for multiple awards and best-of lists, including the Governor General’s Award, the Amy Mathers Teen Book Award, the Ruth & Sylvia Schwartz Award, the Green Mountain Book Award, American Library Associations Best of YA award, the Crystal Kite award, the Prix du Libraires du Quebec, and the Prix Sorcières du France, the Prix Lucioles du France, the Prix Farniente of Belgium, and CBC’s Best Books of 2017, Bank Street Best Children's Book list of 2018, Ontario Library Associations Best Bets of 2018. Danielle has an English degree from McGill University, and worked as a theatre and voice actor (plus server/host/temp/admin/Pilates instructor) before turning to writing. She lives in Toronto with her husband and two daughters.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 206 reviews
January 4, 2021
I really, really loved this book. Wow. I went into this expecting to enjoy it, but I truly didn't expect to love it as much as I did and for it to become a new all-time favorite. This book has a mostly lighthearted tone, but it definitely dives deep into how hard it can be to process and work through trauma caused by sexual assault. So, while I do wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone and everyone that is interested in it, I definitely think you should check out the trigger warnings first and make sure that you're in the proper head space before diving in. With all that being said, I adored this book and can confidently say that it'll probably be in my top few books of the year. IT WAS JUST SO DANG GOOD.
TW: sexual assault, sexual harassment, coercion, victim shaming/blaming, cyber bullying, ptsd, racism, depression, gaslighting, toxic parent relationships
TW: sexual assault, sexual harassment, coercion, victim shaming/blaming, cyber bullying, ptsd, racism, depression, gaslighting, toxic parent relationships
August 20, 2021
I hate many things. But I can surprisingly say... I didn't hate this one.
It actually was kinda nice.
Can you tell I'm trying not to anger the universe?
-Booksy, 2021
Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟⭐ 4.0
This story, well, not the story. ALLLLL of this book has taken me a long time to come to terms with (I've also been procrastinating extra hard soo...). Dang, this whole novel made me so MAD. And not because of the writing, nor the characters (it was definitely also the characters), just the simple premise that this even happens. That it even exists. If I could throw that truth down a singular chute up Ares's nose, have him cough it up and yeet it to the depths of the ocean, pump it full of acidic glue, and have krakens feast on it, I would take that opportunity by the ear.
So yes, just a tad bit angry at society.
When am I not though-
Let's begin with the easiest thing to unravel in this mental state of mine, the plot. It was sincere, heartwrenching and so unfeigned. I also, HATED it. But in a loving way. Does that make sense? See, it was horrible things mixed with horrible things and plated in a salad of, you guessed it right! Horrible things. Voila, the story in a nutshell. And to even begin this whole spiel of a semi-coherent review, let me give you a slight rundown of what happened throughout the book. The MC gets raped, sexually harassed, and emotionally manipulated. So yes, I do indeed despise it quite a bit. And do not even get me started on how the author connected stuff in such a beautiful manner, albeit a bit frustrating to see the outcome of things unfold. Yes, it was honest and harsh, also yes, it was incredibly annoying to be a witness of all the stupidity that oozed from the characters. But that's for the next ranting section. I mostly spoil a lot when it's a fantasy book since it actually has things to SPOIL, alas, no spoilers from this one, guys. *initiate overdramatic sobbing*
The few times that I caught off guard AKA without my armor, came like an electric shock. A certain drowning of the senses. In other words, it left me flabbergasted (I literally wrote that word like five times trying to get it right. Spelling Bee champion anyone? Actually asking I mean, I have never been a spelling champion, apart from when I spelled the word idiot to an actual idiot in second grade.) And again, angry.
Why am I always angry-
Oh, that's right.
Books. *jazz hands*
I think the writing was very nice, I never know what to say about the writing in general though (I blame it on the organ of soft nervous tissue contained in the skull of vertebrates, functioning as the coordinating center of sensation and intellectual and nervous activity, that I'm missing *smirks in 'fake it till you make it'*). Was it engaging? *nod* Entertaining? *nod nod* Existing? *nod?* So yes, dumb numb tis I. Geez, and I ask myself why I haven't been nominated for a Peace Award or something. (what am I even saying-) Oh! Just remembered, there was a weird mix of formal, metaphorical writing with modern lingo sometimes, which left me slightly in a confused state of mind.
Moving on to the actual jam, and no I don't mean Space Jam.
*audience stares in confuzzlement*
Um... yeah.
Well, the characters!
*non-existent audience starts slow clapping*
(People are so demanding these days)
(don't mind me having an inner dialogue on the written page)
(every day I grow more concerned about myself)
THE CHARACTERS EVERYONE, yep. Better.
The MC was such a complicated being. Her personality was somewhat of an annoying raga moose mixed with a wet cat and sprinkled with light snowfalls of sarcasm. And no, I'm not talking after the disgusting thing that someone did to her. I'm talking before that. I indeed liked her persona half of the time. Libby was strong, sharp-witted, and didn't completely make me want to smack her repeatedly with a broom. So all things considered, good enough, no? I loved how she handled some things, but also don't see the need in her acting like she was above her friends or even above her family. And by family, I mean her brother. The rest of them can go take a one-way trip to the toilet.
“Okay.”
“You don’t have to forgive me or anything.”
“That’s true.”
I don't know why, but for some reason, this extremely vexes me.
And speaking of things that belong on toilets. Let's mention her "family" for a bit. I never remember their names (because I'm super intelligent like that, also, the only one worth headspace was her brother) so I shall make it easier to identify each person doing the following.
Not mentioning their names. *snort*
Well, the dad was something else. And by something else, I mean, SOMETHING ELSE. Something that doesn't quite belong in this atmosphere. The amount of restraint I exerted to not punch him, was next-level intense. But because I'm a classy lady, I didn't. Oh, I wasn't talking about me. I was talking about that speck of common sense that evaded him. Haha, no. He was frustrating, emotionally exhausting to bear, and please, just throw him off of somewhere. And yes, I do remember that he had his own issues, but that doesn't mean an automatic atonement for his sins. In short, he was awful, ewness, and preposterously moronic. I stand my case, fellow jury.
Next on the characters, the mom.
Oh dear lord.
The mom.
I'm pretty sure she would get one of the many awards of most confusing person EVER. Sometimes I tolerated her, other times I could barely stop myself from lashing out at her. Even if she doesn't hear me, I'm SURE someone will.
Read More
It actually was kinda nice.
Can you tell I'm trying not to anger the universe?
-Booksy, 2021
Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟⭐ 4.0
This story, well, not the story. ALLLLL of this book has taken me a long time to come to terms with (I've also been procrastinating extra hard soo...). Dang, this whole novel made me so MAD. And not because of the writing, nor the characters (it was definitely also the characters), just the simple premise that this even happens. That it even exists. If I could throw that truth down a singular chute up Ares's nose, have him cough it up and yeet it to the depths of the ocean, pump it full of acidic glue, and have krakens feast on it, I would take that opportunity by the ear.
So yes, just a tad bit angry at society.
When am I not though-
Let's begin with the easiest thing to unravel in this mental state of mine, the plot. It was sincere, heartwrenching and so unfeigned. I also, HATED it. But in a loving way. Does that make sense? See, it was horrible things mixed with horrible things and plated in a salad of, you guessed it right! Horrible things. Voila, the story in a nutshell. And to even begin this whole spiel of a semi-coherent review, let me give you a slight rundown of what happened throughout the book. The MC gets raped, sexually harassed, and emotionally manipulated. So yes, I do indeed despise it quite a bit. And do not even get me started on how the author connected stuff in such a beautiful manner, albeit a bit frustrating to see the outcome of things unfold. Yes, it was honest and harsh, also yes, it was incredibly annoying to be a witness of all the stupidity that oozed from the characters. But that's for the next ranting section. I mostly spoil a lot when it's a fantasy book since it actually has things to SPOIL, alas, no spoilers from this one, guys. *initiate overdramatic sobbing*
The few times that I caught off guard AKA without my armor, came like an electric shock. A certain drowning of the senses. In other words, it left me flabbergasted (I literally wrote that word like five times trying to get it right. Spelling Bee champion anyone? Actually asking I mean, I have never been a spelling champion, apart from when I spelled the word idiot to an actual idiot in second grade.) And again, angry.
Why am I always angry-
Oh, that's right.
Books. *jazz hands*
I think the writing was very nice, I never know what to say about the writing in general though (I blame it on the organ of soft nervous tissue contained in the skull of vertebrates, functioning as the coordinating center of sensation and intellectual and nervous activity, that I'm missing *smirks in 'fake it till you make it'*). Was it engaging? *nod* Entertaining? *nod nod* Existing? *nod?* So yes, dumb numb tis I. Geez, and I ask myself why I haven't been nominated for a Peace Award or something. (what am I even saying-) Oh! Just remembered, there was a weird mix of formal, metaphorical writing with modern lingo sometimes, which left me slightly in a confused state of mind.
Moving on to the actual jam, and no I don't mean Space Jam.
*audience stares in confuzzlement*
Um... yeah.
Well, the characters!
*non-existent audience starts slow clapping*
(People are so demanding these days)
(don't mind me having an inner dialogue on the written page)
(every day I grow more concerned about myself)
THE CHARACTERS EVERYONE, yep. Better.
The MC was such a complicated being. Her personality was somewhat of an annoying raga moose mixed with a wet cat and sprinkled with light snowfalls of sarcasm. And no, I'm not talking after the disgusting thing that someone did to her. I'm talking before that. I indeed liked her persona half of the time. Libby was strong, sharp-witted, and didn't completely make me want to smack her repeatedly with a broom. So all things considered, good enough, no? I loved how she handled some things, but also don't see the need in her acting like she was above her friends or even above her family. And by family, I mean her brother. The rest of them can go take a one-way trip to the toilet.
“Okay.”
“You don’t have to forgive me or anything.”
“That’s true.”
I don't know why, but for some reason, this extremely vexes me.
And speaking of things that belong on toilets. Let's mention her "family" for a bit. I never remember their names (because I'm super intelligent like that, also, the only one worth headspace was her brother) so I shall make it easier to identify each person doing the following.
Not mentioning their names. *snort*
Well, the dad was something else. And by something else, I mean, SOMETHING ELSE. Something that doesn't quite belong in this atmosphere. The amount of restraint I exerted to not punch him, was next-level intense. But because I'm a classy lady, I didn't. Oh, I wasn't talking about me. I was talking about that speck of common sense that evaded him. Haha, no. He was frustrating, emotionally exhausting to bear, and please, just throw him off of somewhere. And yes, I do remember that he had his own issues, but that doesn't mean an automatic atonement for his sins. In short, he was awful, ewness, and preposterously moronic. I stand my case, fellow jury.
Next on the characters, the mom.
Oh dear lord.
The mom.
I'm pretty sure she would get one of the many awards of most confusing person EVER. Sometimes I tolerated her, other times I could barely stop myself from lashing out at her. Even if she doesn't hear me, I'm SURE someone will.
Read More
October 20, 2020
He must like you deals with some tough themes such as sequel harassment and rape. It also deals with mental illness and dysfunctional families. I enjoyed the story and and reading from the main characters point of view and thinking. Every teen girl should read this.
January 25, 2021
This book delves deep into problematic families and sexual harassment. It is very light in tone in comparison to other books on the same topic that I really love, but it’s still very informational and made me think. A lot.
I cannot stress enough how much Libby’s family resembles mine. It was seriously creepy and depressing to see lol #savemeplease
What I absolutely loved is how this book shows that rape, sexual assault and harassment are not black or white. Sometimes they’re there and you don’t even notice if you don’t rethink about it later. Sometimes you have no idea what it means to be harassed but you feel all weird inside and you have no idea why. Sometimes years go by and you read/hear something on the topic and you realize that what happened to you is wrong and shouldn’t be normalized.
This book also shows how boys/men’s intentions can be disguised and look innocuous till the very last moment when it’s too late. Or how they think what they do is harmless and inoffensive and expect girls/women to take it that same way.
And that there are still good men out there, despite these subjects existing and ruining their entire gender.
All of that was cleverly done with multiple male characters: Kyle, Libby’s dad, Jack, Boris, Perry and Noah. Libby confronts all of them throughout the story and I must give credit to the author because they’re all different from each other, both in the way they act towards women and the way they react when the main character tells them about the harassment she’s suffered. I found all of them very realistic.
With that said, while this is a really good book, I still think some stuff could have been done better. I’m talking more about the writing and characterization. If you care about my nitpicking (I hate myself🤦🏻♀️):
- sometimes the dialogue felt staged
- the way time skips are handled is not ideal. There are times when it doesn’t say that it’s the next day or the next afternoon and that confused me
- there’s plenty of societal issues represented in this book but not all of them are explored or are given enough space. It feels like the book bites off more than it can chew.
The most noticeable, though, is that some of the motivations behind characters’ actions are kind of stretched. For example Libby’s parents want to throw her out of the house even when they know she doesn’t have enough money to live on her own and go to college. That definitely happens in real life, but then they still behave as if they love her so much? I’m talking more about the mom, because the dad is...something else. She buys Libby things for when she moves out and acts all excited about it, when she knows that it’s impossible for her daughter to find a proper job with her dad’s reputation around town. I don’t know, that was just weird to me.
Then there’s Noah and his break up with Ava. They part ways because she doesn’t want to go on a sabbatical year with him and he doesn’t do long distance, but then he’s all in to be with Libby when she can’t go on the trip with him either. Overall their romance wasn’t the best, but I can see why it was there. Maybe it just needed more on page time and a better development.
I cannot stress enough how much Libby’s family resembles mine. It was seriously creepy and depressing to see lol #savemeplease
What I absolutely loved is how this book shows that rape, sexual assault and harassment are not black or white. Sometimes they’re there and you don’t even notice if you don’t rethink about it later. Sometimes you have no idea what it means to be harassed but you feel all weird inside and you have no idea why. Sometimes years go by and you read/hear something on the topic and you realize that what happened to you is wrong and shouldn’t be normalized.
This book also shows how boys/men’s intentions can be disguised and look innocuous till the very last moment when it’s too late. Or how they think what they do is harmless and inoffensive and expect girls/women to take it that same way.
And that there are still good men out there, despite these subjects existing and ruining their entire gender.
All of that was cleverly done with multiple male characters: Kyle, Libby’s dad, Jack, Boris, Perry and Noah. Libby confronts all of them throughout the story and I must give credit to the author because they’re all different from each other, both in the way they act towards women and the way they react when the main character tells them about the harassment she’s suffered. I found all of them very realistic.
I am amazed and horrified to observe in myself, still, the urge to smooth this over, to make it better for him, the urge to tell him that I didn’t lie there under him hating it and just waiting for it to be over, to tell him that it didn’t mess me up and make me hate us both.
With that said, while this is a really good book, I still think some stuff could have been done better. I’m talking more about the writing and characterization. If you care about my nitpicking (I hate myself🤦🏻♀️):
- sometimes the dialogue felt staged
- the way time skips are handled is not ideal. There are times when it doesn’t say that it’s the next day or the next afternoon and that confused me
- there’s plenty of societal issues represented in this book but not all of them are explored or are given enough space. It feels like the book bites off more than it can chew.
The most noticeable, though, is that some of the motivations behind characters’ actions are kind of stretched. For example Libby’s parents want to throw her out of the house even when they know she doesn’t have enough money to live on her own and go to college. That definitely happens in real life, but then they still behave as if they love her so much? I’m talking more about the mom, because the dad is...something else. She buys Libby things for when she moves out and acts all excited about it, when she knows that it’s impossible for her daughter to find a proper job with her dad’s reputation around town. I don’t know, that was just weird to me.
Then there’s Noah and his break up with Ava. They part ways because she doesn’t want to go on a sabbatical year with him and he doesn’t do long distance, but then he’s all in to be with Libby when she can’t go on the trip with him either. Overall their romance wasn’t the best, but I can see why it was there. Maybe it just needed more on page time and a better development.
I guess it’s a bit like what you learn in drivers ed—“defensive driving” but applied to sex and men in general.
It isn’t fair, but I have to be tougher, more perceptive, and alert for signs of trouble.
September 18, 2020
Want to see more bookish things from me? Check out my Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfer...
*I recieved an e-arc of this book in exchange for my honest review*
Libby is in her senior year of highschool, trying to earn enough money through her waitressing job to make it to college next year. Her father is threatening to kick her out to start his own Air BnB after her brother abandoned the fmaily to bartend in Greece and to make things even more complicated, she hooked up with one of her coworkers, Kyle. Then when she loses her temper after a particularly handsy customer won't stop badgering her, she has to re-evaluate her plans and hopes of leaving her small town.
I liked this a lot more than I originally thought I would! It dives into some pretty serious topics such as mental health, sexual harrassment and assault, consent, victim blaming, and rape culture in a very lighthearted way that isn't too heavy. I loved how the writing didn't come off as preachy in any way, as I often find many books on these topics do. I really liked Libby as a main character and found her to be extremely relatable. I loved her humour and I was definitely cheering her on and wishing the best for her the entire time I was reading her story. I absolutely adored the side characters of Libby's friend group. They were so supportive of her and everything she was going through. I also really enjoyed the side story of her father's declining mental health, but do wish we got to see the outcome of what happened with that.
Overall, I really enjoyed this and I'm definitely intrigued to read more of this author's work in the future!
*I recieved an e-arc of this book in exchange for my honest review*
Libby is in her senior year of highschool, trying to earn enough money through her waitressing job to make it to college next year. Her father is threatening to kick her out to start his own Air BnB after her brother abandoned the fmaily to bartend in Greece and to make things even more complicated, she hooked up with one of her coworkers, Kyle. Then when she loses her temper after a particularly handsy customer won't stop badgering her, she has to re-evaluate her plans and hopes of leaving her small town.
I liked this a lot more than I originally thought I would! It dives into some pretty serious topics such as mental health, sexual harrassment and assault, consent, victim blaming, and rape culture in a very lighthearted way that isn't too heavy. I loved how the writing didn't come off as preachy in any way, as I often find many books on these topics do. I really liked Libby as a main character and found her to be extremely relatable. I loved her humour and I was definitely cheering her on and wishing the best for her the entire time I was reading her story. I absolutely adored the side characters of Libby's friend group. They were so supportive of her and everything she was going through. I also really enjoyed the side story of her father's declining mental health, but do wish we got to see the outcome of what happened with that.
Overall, I really enjoyed this and I'm definitely intrigued to read more of this author's work in the future!
October 29, 2020
Considering how much it generally gets right, the fact that the book seems to treat Libby's father's behavior as merely "dysfunctional" and "shit disturbing" instead of the abuse it actually is was a huge problem for me. Yes, they eventually talk about it and he faces repercussions for his actions, but he was verbally abusive, physically threatening, and financially abusive. The book never comes out and uses that word, though, which is puzzling to me.
Racism is also brought up literally in the last 50 pages or so, so it was a little late on that front for me. I'm not sure if it's better or worse that it feels like it was tacked on at the end because the author wanted to cover all her bases or avoid being criticized for the book being overly white feminist.
Also, I'm going to content warn for rape. The hook-up that's alluded to in the jacket copy is actually rape, and I wish the book had warned for it properly instead of calling it a "drunken hook-up".
Racism is also brought up literally in the last 50 pages or so, so it was a little late on that front for me. I'm not sure if it's better or worse that it feels like it was tacked on at the end because the author wanted to cover all her bases or avoid being criticized for the book being overly white feminist.
Also, I'm going to content warn for rape. The hook-up that's alluded to in the jacket copy is actually rape, and I wish the book had warned for it properly instead of calling it a "drunken hook-up".
July 15, 2020
4.5 ⭐️
Trigger warnings: sexual harassment, sexual assult/rape, abusive parent/family, misogyny, depression(/bipolar disorder?)
Danielle Younge-Ullman tackles a complex subject in a way that entertains you, but also makes you think real hard about some behaviours in a post #metoo society.
I have to admit, I found the beginning of this book harder to read than I anticipated. From the very first chapter, Libby is assaulted by a middle-aged man. We are then thrown back 3 months earlier, into a dinner with her abusive father and meek mother. It’s an extremely harsh setup. Nevertheless, the author manages to weave in enough humour to alleviate the tension, and it eventually becomes much more bearable to read.
I’m one of the lucky ones. The most sexual harrassment I ever was victim of was being whistled at on the street and getting a few lewd looks. But I’ve seen it on the street, at school, in restaurants. And I cannot imagine how hard it can be for waitresses. So I feel like this kind of book is necessary, especially one that shows different types of assault and harassment.
I felt like it was too much on Libby, though. She had all this to deal with, plus her family. And the story barely scratched the surface for that last one. Her father was presenting symptoms of much more than depression, and he had some intense anger issues. From having a bipolar family member, his hectic behaviour rang a bell, but I also suspect he was just the general “angry white man who never gets shut down so he keeps yelling every time he’s angry”. Still, it bothers me that that was swept under the rug. Same for Libby’s mom who let her husband roll over her and their children all the time. Libby excused her behaviour from beginning to finish, which I hate because that’s terrible parenting!
It’s not perfect, but it hits where it needs to.
Trigger warnings: sexual harassment, sexual assult/rape, abusive parent/family, misogyny, depression(/bipolar disorder?)
Danielle Younge-Ullman tackles a complex subject in a way that entertains you, but also makes you think real hard about some behaviours in a post #metoo society.
I have to admit, I found the beginning of this book harder to read than I anticipated. From the very first chapter, Libby is assaulted by a middle-aged man. We are then thrown back 3 months earlier, into a dinner with her abusive father and meek mother. It’s an extremely harsh setup. Nevertheless, the author manages to weave in enough humour to alleviate the tension, and it eventually becomes much more bearable to read.
I’m one of the lucky ones. The most sexual harrassment I ever was victim of was being whistled at on the street and getting a few lewd looks. But I’ve seen it on the street, at school, in restaurants. And I cannot imagine how hard it can be for waitresses. So I feel like this kind of book is necessary, especially one that shows different types of assault and harassment.
I felt like it was too much on Libby, though. She had all this to deal with, plus her family. And the story barely scratched the surface for that last one. Her father was presenting symptoms of much more than depression, and he had some intense anger issues. From having a bipolar family member, his hectic behaviour rang a bell, but I also suspect he was just the general “angry white man who never gets shut down so he keeps yelling every time he’s angry”. Still, it bothers me that that was swept under the rug. Same for Libby’s mom who let her husband roll over her and their children all the time. Libby excused her behaviour from beginning to finish, which I hate because that’s terrible parenting!
It’s not perfect, but it hits where it needs to.
August 2, 2020
tw: workplace sexual harassment, rape (off page; considered after the fact); victim blaming; mc with PTSD; confrontation with rapist; parental depression
I know from the above it sounds really heavy but really it’s about ... medium heavy?
A book centred around how sexual harassment is truly and unfortunately so common it’s deemed normal and receives passive aggressive treatment by far too many, but not all!! Libby, our mc is self aware but doesn’t back down!!
That said Libby doesn’t come out completely unscathed and eventually comes to terms with acknowledge and coping with her PTSD; I personally learned from reading this experience that there is no typical behaviour for PSTD and it can take different forms for different people, truly enlightening for myself
While not overly graphic, the topics discussed may be triggering so I would proceed with caution, but I do think these discussions are essential
I know from the above it sounds really heavy but really it’s about ... medium heavy?
A book centred around how sexual harassment is truly and unfortunately so common it’s deemed normal and receives passive aggressive treatment by far too many, but not all!! Libby, our mc is self aware but doesn’t back down!!
That said Libby doesn’t come out completely unscathed and eventually comes to terms with acknowledge and coping with her PTSD; I personally learned from reading this experience that there is no typical behaviour for PSTD and it can take different forms for different people, truly enlightening for myself
While not overly graphic, the topics discussed may be triggering so I would proceed with caution, but I do think these discussions are essential
January 25, 2021
This is a great book. Libby's story strikes a really nice balance of being painfully relatable while still feeling like a fresh, original story. I also like that it explores rape culture in the more "murky" moments of sexual assault, such as coercion, lack of enthusiastic consent, or unwanted "flirting." So many of the adults in Libby's life fail to protect her (which as an adult who works with teens, was particularly difficult to read), yet even as Libby struggles to find her voice and work through her trauma, she is never without agency. I did struggle a bit with her mom (she didn't feel as fleshed out as the other side characters), and the ending comes quick, but overall this is a very solid book.
March 4, 2020
The bar was extremely high for this book, as far as my expectations, as detailed below. It was a delight to have those expectations met, and surpassed.
There is much to love about this book. Our imperfect protagonist Libby sincerely struggles to improve as her world – um – does not. Her best friend supports and shields her (on line and literally with her body), while Libby’s parents – though well-intentioned – are among the most destructive aspects of her life. There is a memorable, unique and charming, romance. There is so much more to this book as well. However, the author’s treatment of sexual harassment, sexual assault and rape are among the most clear and useful that I have ever read – fiction and non-fiction a like.
I’ll limit in depth remarks to two exquisite scenes from this book. Libby has experienced encounters with men that are bothering her. She’s disappointed with herself. Then she attends an assembly at her school where a public health nurse defines clearly what consent is and is not. She defines coercion and other aspects of consent until ending with the analogy that if you offer someone tea, and they say they don’t want it, you shouldn’t then make it, pour it, and force them to drink it.
In another scene Libby talks to a five-year old – Lottie. A boy bullied Lottie at school. Her parents tell her, “He must like you.” Libby remembers being bullied as a child by the same guy who bullied her last week. She talks to Lottie in a way that’s both age appropriate and respectful to her experience. It honestly brings tears to my eyes remembering that good advice. Read the book to find out what it is.
I would have read Danielle Younge-Ullman’s next book no matter what, because I so loved her novel, Everything Beautiful is Not Ruined. Also she’s Canadian. Also her dedication to her daughters is worth the price of admission. That said this novel is extremely engaging and never didactic but points young women both in healthy directions to protect themselves, but also towards ways to seek help if they have been harmed. Bravo! This is a brilliant, Canadian #MeToo title.
There is much to love about this book. Our imperfect protagonist Libby sincerely struggles to improve as her world – um – does not. Her best friend supports and shields her (on line and literally with her body), while Libby’s parents – though well-intentioned – are among the most destructive aspects of her life. There is a memorable, unique and charming, romance. There is so much more to this book as well. However, the author’s treatment of sexual harassment, sexual assault and rape are among the most clear and useful that I have ever read – fiction and non-fiction a like.
I’ll limit in depth remarks to two exquisite scenes from this book. Libby has experienced encounters with men that are bothering her. She’s disappointed with herself. Then she attends an assembly at her school where a public health nurse defines clearly what consent is and is not. She defines coercion and other aspects of consent until ending with the analogy that if you offer someone tea, and they say they don’t want it, you shouldn’t then make it, pour it, and force them to drink it.
In another scene Libby talks to a five-year old – Lottie. A boy bullied Lottie at school. Her parents tell her, “He must like you.” Libby remembers being bullied as a child by the same guy who bullied her last week. She talks to Lottie in a way that’s both age appropriate and respectful to her experience. It honestly brings tears to my eyes remembering that good advice. Read the book to find out what it is.
I would have read Danielle Younge-Ullman’s next book no matter what, because I so loved her novel, Everything Beautiful is Not Ruined. Also she’s Canadian. Also her dedication to her daughters is worth the price of admission. That said this novel is extremely engaging and never didactic but points young women both in healthy directions to protect themselves, but also towards ways to seek help if they have been harmed. Bravo! This is a brilliant, Canadian #MeToo title.
April 3, 2021
All the characters kind of acted like jerks at one point or another and I didn’t like any of them(except maybe Yaz or Emma). I didn’t really care much about what happened to any of them. It was also hard to keep track of what was going on because there was too much going on.
July 6, 2020
"My mom said the same thing to me in first grade when I told her Rod Catena and his friends—wretched cretins even back then—were spending recess throwing balls of ice at Emma and me.
'He must like you,' she said, as she gently attended to the goose egg on the side of my head. 'He probably has a crush on you.'"
Rage, frustration, empathy, understanding. That's what this book brought out in me.
So many of us can relate to aspects of Libby's story, and that's what made this book heart-wrenching. We follow Libby, who's dealing with a disaster of a family situation while navigating the sexual assault and harassment she's also suffered in the past. She navigates what consent looks like and the ways in which men take advantage of women.
It was a nuanced story in the ways she faced her trauma. It was also encouraged in this book that people seek help when they need it. The ways Libby deals with her trauma may not work for everyone, and its her choice in how she navigates it, and the fact that it's always 100% her choice is a perpetuating theme. The one thing her situation really highlighted though is that it is not always black and white.
I loved Libby as a character. She truly develops and grows as the story progresses and she had me rooting for her the whole time. It also helps that so many aspects of her life are relatable, and it was really easy to get emotional invested in her story. All it took was the first chapter to get me so angry and empathetic for her; anyone who's worked in food service, or anywhere really, has dealt with men like she encounters.
This book had me crying not in sadness but anger. Also because aspects of this hit so close to home. There was a lot that went on with her family that was truly another nightmare on top of her already existing problems, and while the situation isn't totally what I've experiences, elements of it really had me feeling for Libby because I've felt so much of that too. Speaking out and standing up for yourself to family is huge, and if you've dealt with difficult and dramatic family situations, it's probably relatable to you in ways as well.
Overall, I'm very happy to have discovered this Canadian author and happy to have had the pleasure of meeting her at Penguin's OLA event. I'll be watching to see what else she writes.
*Arc received from publisher for honest review*
'He must like you,' she said, as she gently attended to the goose egg on the side of my head. 'He probably has a crush on you.'"
Rage, frustration, empathy, understanding. That's what this book brought out in me.
So many of us can relate to aspects of Libby's story, and that's what made this book heart-wrenching. We follow Libby, who's dealing with a disaster of a family situation while navigating the sexual assault and harassment she's also suffered in the past. She navigates what consent looks like and the ways in which men take advantage of women.
It was a nuanced story in the ways she faced her trauma. It was also encouraged in this book that people seek help when they need it. The ways Libby deals with her trauma may not work for everyone, and its her choice in how she navigates it, and the fact that it's always 100% her choice is a perpetuating theme. The one thing her situation really highlighted though is that it is not always black and white.
I loved Libby as a character. She truly develops and grows as the story progresses and she had me rooting for her the whole time. It also helps that so many aspects of her life are relatable, and it was really easy to get emotional invested in her story. All it took was the first chapter to get me so angry and empathetic for her; anyone who's worked in food service, or anywhere really, has dealt with men like she encounters.
This book had me crying not in sadness but anger. Also because aspects of this hit so close to home. There was a lot that went on with her family that was truly another nightmare on top of her already existing problems, and while the situation isn't totally what I've experiences, elements of it really had me feeling for Libby because I've felt so much of that too. Speaking out and standing up for yourself to family is huge, and if you've dealt with difficult and dramatic family situations, it's probably relatable to you in ways as well.
Overall, I'm very happy to have discovered this Canadian author and happy to have had the pleasure of meeting her at Penguin's OLA event. I'll be watching to see what else she writes.
*Arc received from publisher for honest review*
January 11, 2022
Wow, this YA story deals with some heavy but oh so VERY important issues!!! I love that this book takes on the misogyny of society and lets young readers know IT'S NOT OKAY for boys/men to make unwanted advances! Libby is dealing with a lot at home (her parents are having financial trouble, her college money is gone and her Dad wants her to move out so he can AirBnB her bedroom!!). To top it off she gets sexually harassed at work by a customer and has an unwanted sexual experience with her coworker.
I thought the author handled these topics soooo well. The scene where the educator covers what kinds of behavior actually qualifies as assault/rape was so good! More people (young, old, men and women) need to hear that no means no and we need to stand up against all kinds of sexual assault/harassment. HIGHLY recommend this one and great on audio.
CW: rape, workplace sexual harassment
I thought the author handled these topics soooo well. The scene where the educator covers what kinds of behavior actually qualifies as assault/rape was so good! More people (young, old, men and women) need to hear that no means no and we need to stand up against all kinds of sexual assault/harassment. HIGHLY recommend this one and great on audio.
CW: rape, workplace sexual harassment
August 12, 2020
And she does it again!! Some authors tackle important issues but aren’t the most engaging of writers, while others are talented writers but just don’t quite hit the mark when it comes to the issues they are trying to deal with. Danielle definitely excels at both - her writing flows so effortlessly that I became totally engrossed in Libby’s story, and she also knows just how to weave the important issues into her writing to make the most impact on the reader.
He Must Like You opened my eyes to the many different kinds and levels of sexual harassment and assault, some of which I had never really considered before. I felt Libby’s pain and confusion as she tried to work through what had been happening to her, at the same time living in a toxic family situation with a father obviously struggling with his own psychological problems which have been damaging his wife and children for years. The issues that Libby has to deal with are numerous and so overwhelming that my heart broke for her, but her journey is such an important one that I think everyone should read this book! I highly recommend it!!
He Must Like You opened my eyes to the many different kinds and levels of sexual harassment and assault, some of which I had never really considered before. I felt Libby’s pain and confusion as she tried to work through what had been happening to her, at the same time living in a toxic family situation with a father obviously struggling with his own psychological problems which have been damaging his wife and children for years. The issues that Libby has to deal with are numerous and so overwhelming that my heart broke for her, but her journey is such an important one that I think everyone should read this book! I highly recommend it!!
November 13, 2020
HE MUST LIKE YOU
By Danielle Younge-Ullman
He Must Like You follows Libby, a high schooler whose life is falling apart and spiraling in a fast pace. Imagine getting asked to move out so that your room can be rented out for AirBNB by your dad, you have a waitressing job and you are getting sexually assaulted as you are saving up for college, and a hook up with a co-worker, oh my – what more can happen for Libby.
In this hilarious and lighthearted approach to serious topics, I thought that Younge-Ullman wrote the character of Libby incredibly well making this book such a delight to read, and I really enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I am really a fan of Younge-Ullman’s smart and relatable characters.
I highly recommend for you to check out this book!
By Danielle Younge-Ullman
He Must Like You follows Libby, a high schooler whose life is falling apart and spiraling in a fast pace. Imagine getting asked to move out so that your room can be rented out for AirBNB by your dad, you have a waitressing job and you are getting sexually assaulted as you are saving up for college, and a hook up with a co-worker, oh my – what more can happen for Libby.
In this hilarious and lighthearted approach to serious topics, I thought that Younge-Ullman wrote the character of Libby incredibly well making this book such a delight to read, and I really enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I am really a fan of Younge-Ullman’s smart and relatable characters.
I highly recommend for you to check out this book!
November 6, 2021
“‘There shouldn’t be an art to being sexually harassed. That shouldn’t be a thing.’
‘That’s life, Libby. And it always has been. I’m not saying you have to just let it happen. You find ways to protect yourself. You dodge the unwanted hand, play dumb about the comments, and of course you need a signal you can send out to another woman when you really need help. I’m sorry I didn’t instruct you on any of this but I thought you knew.’
‘I do now,’ I say. ‘But I shouldn’t have to.’”
This book hasn’t gotten the hype it deserves. Tackling sexual assault, consent, sex, communication (in all kinds of relationships: family, friend, partner), and trauma, it’s heavy but also so so so necessary. I’m really glad this exists for young (and adult) adults. I learned a lot.
‘That’s life, Libby. And it always has been. I’m not saying you have to just let it happen. You find ways to protect yourself. You dodge the unwanted hand, play dumb about the comments, and of course you need a signal you can send out to another woman when you really need help. I’m sorry I didn’t instruct you on any of this but I thought you knew.’
‘I do now,’ I say. ‘But I shouldn’t have to.’”
This book hasn’t gotten the hype it deserves. Tackling sexual assault, consent, sex, communication (in all kinds of relationships: family, friend, partner), and trauma, it’s heavy but also so so so necessary. I’m really glad this exists for young (and adult) adults. I learned a lot.
January 6, 2020
{4.5} This story is so heartwrenching because to the readers, the hardship and clear sexual assault that Libby goes through is so clear. But yet this book is so real because of the confusion and conflict that she feels about whether or not she is a victim and how to move forward with her life. This book did such an elegant job of detailing so many different perspectives and sides of sexual assault/harassment while also facing various other issues like abuse from her father and confusing relationships with her friends and brother. Libby is such an amazing example of a strong heroin and was so easy to root for throughout the entire story.
April 2, 2021
I think my rating will be a low four stars. I'll have to sort out my thoughts first. Review to come here and on https://sunnysidereviews.wordpress.com/ !
October 7, 2020
More like 3,5/5. Did not care for the ending.
October 30, 2020
Thank you to the publisher for giving me a free copy of this book! All opinions are my own.
I’m on a YA kick at the moment and this was another great read. HE MUST LIKE YOU is a contemporary YA book featuring Libby, a senior in high school, whose life is falling apart. Her parents have recently informed her that she has to move out once she graduates and that the college fund they’d saved for her is gone. On top of that, she has a pretty confusing sexual experience with one of her coworkers, and at work she has to deal with an influential local businessman who harrasses all of the female servers. You can’t really blame her when she’s pushed over the edge one night and dumps a pitcher of sangria all over said businessman, but then she’s forced to manage the fallout of her actions in a small town where people like to gossip.
I thought this was a really interesting and engaging read. The author explores family relationships, rape culture, and consent and discusses how confusing sexual experiences can be, especially when you’re a teenager. I certainly didn’t learn about this stuff in high school and I really wish I had. We see Libby learn that sexual assault and harrasment can take many different forms and it’s a painful realization.
What I loved most about Libby is that she really comes into her own throughout this story. She breaks down, but then she seeks help to confront her problems, and that’s such a brave thing to do. I thought Libby was really believable as a character thanks to the writing. I felt like the author was able to capture that teenager essence.
This book deals with difficult subjects, but I thought the author handled the discussion around consent with care and nuance. I imagine reading about Libby’s experiences could help someone who’s in a similar situation, and I’m glad this book exists.
I’m on a YA kick at the moment and this was another great read. HE MUST LIKE YOU is a contemporary YA book featuring Libby, a senior in high school, whose life is falling apart. Her parents have recently informed her that she has to move out once she graduates and that the college fund they’d saved for her is gone. On top of that, she has a pretty confusing sexual experience with one of her coworkers, and at work she has to deal with an influential local businessman who harrasses all of the female servers. You can’t really blame her when she’s pushed over the edge one night and dumps a pitcher of sangria all over said businessman, but then she’s forced to manage the fallout of her actions in a small town where people like to gossip.
I thought this was a really interesting and engaging read. The author explores family relationships, rape culture, and consent and discusses how confusing sexual experiences can be, especially when you’re a teenager. I certainly didn’t learn about this stuff in high school and I really wish I had. We see Libby learn that sexual assault and harrasment can take many different forms and it’s a painful realization.
What I loved most about Libby is that she really comes into her own throughout this story. She breaks down, but then she seeks help to confront her problems, and that’s such a brave thing to do. I thought Libby was really believable as a character thanks to the writing. I felt like the author was able to capture that teenager essence.
This book deals with difficult subjects, but I thought the author handled the discussion around consent with care and nuance. I imagine reading about Libby’s experiences could help someone who’s in a similar situation, and I’m glad this book exists.
July 14, 2020
TW: Sexual Assault, Rape
I was really excited to read this one when I heard it was tackling the important discussion of consent and while I do think that Younge-Ullman creates a space for these lessons to be learned, I had a hard time connecting to the writing and the overall plot.
Libby, a high school senior is struggling with making ends meet for her college fund and longs to escape her town, especially from multiple male acquaintances she is consistently surrounded by. Because of these issues, Libby finds herself lost and conflicted on the right actions to take against these men and for herself as a young woman.
I really appreciated the discussion of consent and the importance of “no meaning no” and that yet I found there to be too many subplots to follow for this novel to be as impactful as it seems to want to be. The romanced seemed to be a bit lackluster and could have been fleshed out more or utilized in a stronger way to progress the messages of the story. In addition, Libby’s issues and relationship with her father could have made up an entirely different novel in itself and thus, felt a bit underdeveloped. Overall though, I think there needs to be a bigger space in books, especially those geared towards young adult readers on the conversation of consent and I appreciate Younge-Ullman’s decision to do so.
*ARC received by the publisher in exchange for an honest review*
I was really excited to read this one when I heard it was tackling the important discussion of consent and while I do think that Younge-Ullman creates a space for these lessons to be learned, I had a hard time connecting to the writing and the overall plot.
Libby, a high school senior is struggling with making ends meet for her college fund and longs to escape her town, especially from multiple male acquaintances she is consistently surrounded by. Because of these issues, Libby finds herself lost and conflicted on the right actions to take against these men and for herself as a young woman.
I really appreciated the discussion of consent and the importance of “no meaning no” and that yet I found there to be too many subplots to follow for this novel to be as impactful as it seems to want to be. The romanced seemed to be a bit lackluster and could have been fleshed out more or utilized in a stronger way to progress the messages of the story. In addition, Libby’s issues and relationship with her father could have made up an entirely different novel in itself and thus, felt a bit underdeveloped. Overall though, I think there needs to be a bigger space in books, especially those geared towards young adult readers on the conversation of consent and I appreciate Younge-Ullman’s decision to do so.
*ARC received by the publisher in exchange for an honest review*
October 18, 2020
Wow. Such a satisfying book about dealing with workplace harassment from customers, sexual assault, family dynamics and mental illness, and also trying to decide what to do after graduating high school. The stakes are high, the stress is real, and the romance between Libby and Noah is sweet.
Five out of five stars, the book made me cry a little bit because of the family stuff. Would recommend to girls who want to see a fictional account of a survivor making it good, to guys who need to see the subtle effects of rape culture, to anyone looking for a quick read that tackles big issues.
Five out of five stars, the book made me cry a little bit because of the family stuff. Would recommend to girls who want to see a fictional account of a survivor making it good, to guys who need to see the subtle effects of rape culture, to anyone looking for a quick read that tackles big issues.
January 6, 2021
This book walks an excellent line dealing with sexual harassment and assault in and honest and upfront manner without preaching. It addresses all the complexities that can be involved in situations with murky consent issues, fear of speaking out and standing up for other people. It could be traumatizing for those who have experienced assault. This would also be a very good read for boys needing to understand concepts around consent. An excellent YA offering. Best for high school aged teens.
January 12, 2021
While the underlying message is about consent, the book provides an interesting, witty plot to carry the message. While i might not agree with all of the situations, it definitely provides a platform for discussion with teens.
did-not-finish
September 19, 2020I did not vibe with this at all and it isn't even worth the time to finish, bye.
May 20, 2021
A quick and engaging read. Definitely a book that sparks conversations and made me feel a lot of differing emotions. There were parts I didnt agree with but I really enjoyed reading this one.
August 5, 2023
this is one of those books that people would say “it made me angry, but that’s the point, so i can’t knock it for that” but i’m not those people so this book made me angry and i don’t like that
content/trigger warnings; sexism, misogyny, on-page sexual harassment, on-page sexual assault, on-page rape, on-page sexual coercion, alcohol consumption, ableism, amatonormativity, victim blaming, rape culture, bullying, cyberbullying, doxxing mentioned, death threats mentioned, verbal child abuse, financial child abuse, toxic parents, ptsd, trauma, racism, depression, panic attacks discussed,
listen. obviously the scenes of sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape, victim blaming, sexism/misogyny, etc. are supposed to be angering. they’re supposed to be upsetting. but when the payoff for that anger comes so late in the book, it’s not worth it. i don’t want to spend 90% of a book angry at the things happening and frustrated with how the main character is responding (or rather, not responding). the final 10% of the book *finally* having the moments when things get called out/challenged and the main character stops being so god damn passive and conflict-avoidant simply does not make up for that.
and that’s where a good chunk of my anger comes from. in these types of angry girls fighting back books, i need the fighting back to be sprinkled throughout, not just shoehorned in at the end. it’s like when a couple in a romance novel only finally gets together in the last like 20 pages after going through 300 pages of pining, angst, and conflict. i need more than that. and especially when every single character who comes around in the end spent the entire book not giving a shit about their behavior or how it was affecting the main character, it just feels forced for the sake of a happy ending. we don’t get to see the development the characters go through to get there.
her boss spends the entire book prioritizing the feelings of a sexual abuser, only to suddenly basically tell the sexual abuser that they won’t serve him. the main character’s father spends the entire book dealing with an undiagnosed mental illness and being abusive (though the book doesn’t call it that) to his family, and after one single argument/conversation at the end, he’s all good. the main character’s mother spends the entire book enabling her husband, only to suddenly threaten him with losing her and the kids if he doesn’t get help/change. (i guess that’s supposed to make up for scolding her daughter for reacting “badly” to being sexually harassed/assaulted and telling her to just accept that that’s how life is?)
and speaking of the main character’s assault...the man who says gross sexual things to her at work and puts his hands all over her body gets what’s coming to him at the end (rightfully so), but the main character’s ex boyfriend coerced her into having sex with him pretty much every single they had sex while dating and she has a civil conversation with him to make him realize what he did and set boundaries with him (as they’re friends/he’s dating her best friend). and the other guy, the coworker, who raped the main character, she has multiple conversations with him about what he did and how consent works and they end the book joking around and deciding to be friends. like. what?
i get that these different scenarios are meant to show the different ways sexual assault and rape can happen, that it’s not just a stranger forcing you after you say no. sometimes it’s the person you got drunk with who read the situation wrong or didn’t realize you weren’t into it, or it’s the partner who nags you about how he has needs. or it’s that time when you didn’t say no, but you didn’t say yes, either. or it’s that time when you froze or went along with it because you didn’t get a chance not to or didn’t think you could say no. things can get murky and it’s not always easy to make sense of. i know that.
but to have the main character be raped by two guys her age who she has established relationships with (a coworker she’s friendly with; a boyfriend), who are portrayed as nice guys who immediately are receptive to being told they raped her and promise to educate themselves on consent and never do what they did to her to anyone else, and have her maintain good/cordial relationships with them after the fact, meanwhile this older super sleazy unapologetic serial sexual abuser is the real villain who gets told off and shunned kind of sends the opposite message, no? that when rape happens from someone who isn’t an obvious bad guy, or hasn’t done it before, or didn’t know, then you can’t really be mad at them, or it’s not really as bad, or you have to be the one to hold their hand and walk them through consent 101 and remain friends with them because hey, at least they’re trying and doing better.
but that’s bullshit. i would’ve liked to see the main character tell off kyle (the coworker). she gets so annoyed and uncomfortable every single time he’s around or messages her. but he always does something kind or considerate that makes her think she has to be kind back or not be as harsh or give him another chance (platonically, not sexually as he unfortunately suggests at the end). just because someone who raped/sexually assault/sexually harassed you is doing the work to make sure they never do it again to anyone and is going out of their way to volunteer their help to you in other aspects of your life, does not mean you in turn owe them forgiveness or a fresh start.
idk i just feel like the main character’s rapes were downplayed to make the workplace sexual harassment/assault the focal point, the big story, the major trauma. and as i’ve said, i feel this works against one of the key points made early on in the book about how rape doesn’t just look one way, which is what makes the main character realize in the first place that her ex coerced her into sex and her coworker raped her. idk.
content/trigger warnings; sexism, misogyny, on-page sexual harassment, on-page sexual assault, on-page rape, on-page sexual coercion, alcohol consumption, ableism, amatonormativity, victim blaming, rape culture, bullying, cyberbullying, doxxing mentioned, death threats mentioned, verbal child abuse, financial child abuse, toxic parents, ptsd, trauma, racism, depression, panic attacks discussed,
listen. obviously the scenes of sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape, victim blaming, sexism/misogyny, etc. are supposed to be angering. they’re supposed to be upsetting. but when the payoff for that anger comes so late in the book, it’s not worth it. i don’t want to spend 90% of a book angry at the things happening and frustrated with how the main character is responding (or rather, not responding). the final 10% of the book *finally* having the moments when things get called out/challenged and the main character stops being so god damn passive and conflict-avoidant simply does not make up for that.
and that’s where a good chunk of my anger comes from. in these types of angry girls fighting back books, i need the fighting back to be sprinkled throughout, not just shoehorned in at the end. it’s like when a couple in a romance novel only finally gets together in the last like 20 pages after going through 300 pages of pining, angst, and conflict. i need more than that. and especially when every single character who comes around in the end spent the entire book not giving a shit about their behavior or how it was affecting the main character, it just feels forced for the sake of a happy ending. we don’t get to see the development the characters go through to get there.
her boss spends the entire book prioritizing the feelings of a sexual abuser, only to suddenly basically tell the sexual abuser that they won’t serve him. the main character’s father spends the entire book dealing with an undiagnosed mental illness and being abusive (though the book doesn’t call it that) to his family, and after one single argument/conversation at the end, he’s all good. the main character’s mother spends the entire book enabling her husband, only to suddenly threaten him with losing her and the kids if he doesn’t get help/change. (i guess that’s supposed to make up for scolding her daughter for reacting “badly” to being sexually harassed/assaulted and telling her to just accept that that’s how life is?)
and speaking of the main character’s assault...the man who says gross sexual things to her at work and puts his hands all over her body gets what’s coming to him at the end (rightfully so), but the main character’s ex boyfriend coerced her into having sex with him pretty much every single they had sex while dating and she has a civil conversation with him to make him realize what he did and set boundaries with him (as they’re friends/he’s dating her best friend). and the other guy, the coworker, who raped the main character, she has multiple conversations with him about what he did and how consent works and they end the book joking around and deciding to be friends. like. what?
i get that these different scenarios are meant to show the different ways sexual assault and rape can happen, that it’s not just a stranger forcing you after you say no. sometimes it’s the person you got drunk with who read the situation wrong or didn’t realize you weren’t into it, or it’s the partner who nags you about how he has needs. or it’s that time when you didn’t say no, but you didn’t say yes, either. or it’s that time when you froze or went along with it because you didn’t get a chance not to or didn’t think you could say no. things can get murky and it’s not always easy to make sense of. i know that.
but to have the main character be raped by two guys her age who she has established relationships with (a coworker she’s friendly with; a boyfriend), who are portrayed as nice guys who immediately are receptive to being told they raped her and promise to educate themselves on consent and never do what they did to her to anyone else, and have her maintain good/cordial relationships with them after the fact, meanwhile this older super sleazy unapologetic serial sexual abuser is the real villain who gets told off and shunned kind of sends the opposite message, no? that when rape happens from someone who isn’t an obvious bad guy, or hasn’t done it before, or didn’t know, then you can’t really be mad at them, or it’s not really as bad, or you have to be the one to hold their hand and walk them through consent 101 and remain friends with them because hey, at least they’re trying and doing better.
but that’s bullshit. i would’ve liked to see the main character tell off kyle (the coworker). she gets so annoyed and uncomfortable every single time he’s around or messages her. but he always does something kind or considerate that makes her think she has to be kind back or not be as harsh or give him another chance (platonically, not sexually as he unfortunately suggests at the end). just because someone who raped/sexually assault/sexually harassed you is doing the work to make sure they never do it again to anyone and is going out of their way to volunteer their help to you in other aspects of your life, does not mean you in turn owe them forgiveness or a fresh start.
idk i just feel like the main character’s rapes were downplayed to make the workplace sexual harassment/assault the focal point, the big story, the major trauma. and as i’ve said, i feel this works against one of the key points made early on in the book about how rape doesn’t just look one way, which is what makes the main character realize in the first place that her ex coerced her into sex and her coworker raped her. idk.
July 14, 2020
Wow. As a mom of two teen daughters this was difficult yet powerful to read.
Libby has had some rough changes in her life recently being forced to grow up quickly. To top it off, she has been sexually assaulted. She struggles with trying to decide if that is really what happened and how she deals with the overwhelming feelings she now has and how to deal with them.
You can’t help to root for Libby in this book and support her to the end.
Libby has had some rough changes in her life recently being forced to grow up quickly. To top it off, she has been sexually assaulted. She struggles with trying to decide if that is really what happened and how she deals with the overwhelming feelings she now has and how to deal with them.
You can’t help to root for Libby in this book and support her to the end.
July 20, 2020
This YA novel explains consent jn an excellent, relatable way for high school and older, and for both young women and men. It also speaks about friendship, dysfunctional families, and sexual harassment. The story is told in the voice of a confused and angry high school senior girl who learns how to assert herself.
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